Scotland Main Great British Menu

This week, on Great British Menu three of Scotland's

top chefs are bringing out their funny sides...

Hello, lads, do you need a hand?

..for the chance to cook at a special banquet,

celebrating 25 years of Red Nose Day

at the prestigious Royal Albert Hall.

Their challenge is to create gastronomic masterpieces

that also deliver a witty punch line.

-Squeeze my nose, would you?

-Spam!

Ambitious returning competitor Mark Greenaway felt

the pressure during yesterday's fish course.

Is there an oven I can use that's not at 300 degrees?

And former regional champion Michael Smith came under fire.

One of the things I can't stand in cooking

is these 24-hour poached eggs.

It's nothing like that.

Whilst joker Tony Singh put his feet up with a risky DIY dish.

-It's not me, it's cooking!

-Skin side down?

A gamble that paid off.

You are mad as a box of frogs,

however I thought it was absolutely delicious.

And placed him in joint lead with Michael.

Today it's the main course and risk taker Tony's back to his old tricks.

-Was this not something you've practiced before?

-No.

But has his luck run out?

BLEEP!

The chefs this year are going all out to raise money,

raise a smile and support Comic Relief.

And they've been challenged to create a performance on a plate.

If I can do this, I can do anything.

ALL: Yeah!

Their goal is to get to a once-in-a-lifetime banquet,

but first they've got to get past Michelin-starred chef

and veteran of the competition Angela Hartnett MBE.

I definitely want to see a nine and ten.

I want to see someone from Scotland cooking at the final banquet.

First into the kitchen is funny man Tony Singh, who's hoping to

repeat the success of yesterday's less-is-more fish course.

Great feeling, Angela gave us an eight.

Fingers crossed I can still keep my joint lead with Michael.

-Hey, Tony, how are you?

-I'm good.

Tell me, what's your dish called?

It's Fred's Rib Ticklers,

inspired by the Flintstones, obviously.

So, you have got these fantastic Scottish ribs,

and what are you going to do with those?

It's like the whole thing - it's got to be simple. Braised rib.

Braised rib. What are you using to braise it, red wine?

Red wine.

-We've got lovely spring greens.

-Right.

-That's going to be spiced.

-Spiced with what, these spices?

-Yeah.

-Cumin, turmeric, dried chilli, fresh green chilli.

-OK.

And then all these vegetables.

So you've got some fantastic carrots there.

Vichy carrots, still not decided what to do with the potatoes.

You're very last minute, aren't you, Tony?

It's either going to be traditional potatoes done in beef dripping.

-Really simple.

-Very classical.

-We'll see what happens.

So the beef, the rib ticklers,

how is that supposed to make me laugh, why is that funny?

Well, it was an inspiration from a childhood cartoon,

the whole, big side of dinosaur, "Oh, that would be good."

So, the inspiration came from there,

so I hope people pick that up.

It's a nice plate of simple food.

Hopefully, you like the punchy flavours

and it'll see me all right.

You know, yesterday it was daring in a way.

You went simplicity to the full.

So, are you hoping that risk is going to pay off again?

If I can concentrate and execute it well, yes.

-We'll wait and see, OK?

-Thank you, cheers.

Inspired by a childhood cartoon, Tony is gambling on a simple

main course of braised beef ribs with a spicy twist.

You can argue it's meat and two veg, but he's got spices in there,

he's pulling on his heritage.

The only thing I'm probably worried about with Tony is

he is totally last minute.

You just hope it doesn't detract from the final product.

Former regional champion Michael Smith is determined

to get to the banquet third time round,

but a disappointing fish course

yesterday saw old opponent Tony catch him up.

I had a two point lead,

I'm not very happy that that's not there anymore.

I'm not as close to the banquet as I want to be,

but after the main course, hopefully I'll be a bit closer.

-Michael. Are you all right? How are you today?

-Good, thanks.

Good. Wow! What a box of tricks. What's the name of your dish?

I Love Kids But I Couldn't Eat A Whole One.

-Kid, goat maybe, lamb?

-Correct.

Well, the dish is inspired by what I believe Comic Relief is all about,

-and that originally was to give aid to Africa.

-Yeah.

So there is no humour in this dish whatsoever.

It's literally a straight forward interpretation

of a North African meal.

It's a large sharing course.

So this... What part of the goat have you got here?

-This is the front quarter.

-Kidneys... Yeah.

Yep.

Obviously, bringing in a bit of Scotland there. There's some whisky.

Where's the whisky going?

The whisky's going into the glaze, you know, like a BBQ flavour

type thing. That's also great in a BBQ sauce.

And what is happening with the filo?

I'm making some pastilla inspired little parcels with that

with some of the meat from the goat itself.

And all the vegetables are going to go in there

or they're going to go in with this, the meat?

There's going to be aubergine in the parcel, the Scottish goat's cheese.

And these spices are going to go into the couscous or into the goat?

The spices are going into the couscous and into the parcel, yeah.

Day three, all to play for,

serious dish, so we'll wait and see how it turns out.

So Michael's taking a risk by cooking a humour-free main course -

an African-inspired goat dish with a nod to his Scottish roots.

I think its great that he's using an unused meat.

There's real spice there, real African flavours.

There's very few Scottish ingredients.

It's out of his comfort zone.

I mean, I just hope that Michael has got the knowledge

and understanding of spices to really pull it off.

Snapping at Michael and Tony's heels,

is technical chef Mark Greenaway.

After crashing out first in last year's competition,

he's got his eye firmly on the judging chamber

and is confident his best is yet to come.

My strongest dish is my main course.

So I just can't wait to get in there and cook.

So, what is the name of your dish for the main course?

I am doing Boil-in-the-bag Duck.

The breast, I'm going to sous-vide - boil in the bag.

And are you going to render down the duck fat before?

-The duck fat I'm going to remove completely.

-OK, so it's just...

-Cooking between two trays.

-Yep.

And then to make it crisp, what I'm going to do is break down the legs.

-Yep.

-Confit them, roll them, almost like a croquette.

Pane them and then deep fry them.

And then what are you going to serve with it?

I'm going to be doing caramelised watermelon, so duck-fruit.

Yeah, normally it is orange and other stuff.

And a sourdough toast puree.

-OK. So like a bread sauce in a way.

-Like a bread sauce,

-but just to inject more flavour into it.

-Yeah.

I'm going to toast the bread

almost to the point that it's burnt.

Where's the humour? Where's the ha-ha?

-You know I'm not going to tell you, don't you?

-Honestly.

I'm not going to change form now.

OK, well, we'll wait and see.

Mark is hoping to gain vital ground on his rivals with a witty

take on boil-in-the-bag cooking, combining duck and watermelon.

Duck, you know, with fruit always works.

The one risk element with the toast puree is if he toasts it too far

to the point of burning it. So, we've got to wait and see and trust

that he knows what he's doing.

After missing the punch line with his fish course, Mark is

determined to get it 100% right with his playful boil-in-the-bag duck.

I think at home when people hear the word sous-vide,

cooked in a water bag, they automatically think

-boil-in-the-bag, because essentially that's what it is.

-Uh-huh.

So... But I'm carrying that through to the presentation,

cos I'm actually going to serve it in a bag.

So, it's really going to bring the fun factor into my dish.

Mark's not giving much away, but he's convinced

his witty presentation is his secret weapon.

My main course is a real show stopper. It really is.

It's going to get everybody in stitches laughing,

there's no doubt about it.

I think Mike feels this is his strongest course.

He's two points behind, he's keen as mustard.

We'll just need to see how that transpires.

Tony's taking a huge risk on his cartoon-inspired meat

and two veg main course, as he's never cooked it before.

-So is this not something you've practiced before?

-No.

Don't you think that may be a bit risky?

-Yes.

-Especially when things are so close at the moment.

-Living on the edge, baby.

-Living on the edge.

-Is that how you live your life, Tony, on the edge?

-Yes.

Ask the wife.

Tony not practicing, that's up to him, but it's not something I would do.

Michael, what do you think of the fact that Tony

has not practiced his main course?

It should concern us more than him.

He did that with his fish course and look what happened there.

I suppose so. Eight out of ten is not a bad score, is it?

HE LAUGHS

Michael is hoping to overtake his rivals with his North African

main course.

He's confited his goat in oil to keep it moist

and is confident his choice of meat will give him the edge.

75 to 80% of all red meat consumed in the globe is goat.

I am worried about Michael's dish because it's the things

I like to eat. That is the one to watch.

My main course is all about hitting home the real message

about Comic Relief I believe.

I was doing a challenge - abseiling down a church

for sponsorship to raise money for the charity.

-which was pretty thrilling.

-Mental!

-It was good fun.

I've climbed out a few windows in my time but not 70 foot, you know.

But before Michael took on his fundraising challenge

he had some research to do on his main course.

I'm using goat, I've never used it before

I don't think it's ever been used in Great British Menu before.

I've got to nail that.

Michael wanted to bring a taste of home to his spiced goat dish and

thought a good Scottish whisky would do the job,

so he took his sommelier,

Oscar, to a local hotel, famed for its selection of over 300 malts.

Oscar, I brought some goat meat with me

so we can remind ourselves of the flavour

and we can pinpoint the exact whisky that we're after.

Hopefully. Shall we have a little try?

I love that, that's delicious.

-It's got a bit of richness about it.

-Yeah.

For his whisky-glazed goat, Michael's looking for a malt

which will enhance the flavour of the meat, not overpower it.

Perhaps it doesn't have the...you know, the big spice.

We need something with a little more oomph, don't we?

Number two. Ardbeg? Oh!

That's a...definitely a big hitter, that one.

There might be a risk that we're going to lose the flavours

of the goat a little bit.

Right. Third time lucky?

That one's nice. That one definitely could have potential.

Yeah, I think it's got the richness and the body to obviously stand up

-to the flavours of the goat.

-I'll drink to that.

-Slange.

-Cheers.

Whisky sorted and armed with some Scottish courage,

and sponsored to the tune of £150 by his friends and family,

a few days later, Michael travelled to Glasgow to tackle

a 70-foot church spire.

-Rob.

-How you doing, Michael?

Despite never having abseiled before,

Michael felt his life on Skye should help him succeed.

You know, having a restaurant away up in the northwest corner

of Skye and in the wilderness

it's pretty daring in itself, it throws up a lot of challenges.

You know, we are risky all the time here.

Welcome to the bell tower. We're going to be abseiling

out of the window behind us here.

Have you got a spare pair of underpants?

-Good, good, good.

-How did I get roped into this?

Kind of past the point of no return.

That's it, just lean back a wee bit further.

Whoa!

Whoof!

If you don't take a few risks in life,

then you don't get anywhere.

In this competition,

it definitely pays off to push that envelope a little bit further.

Whooooa!

Oof!

Ah! Oh...

That was some journey. I know the way to crown it off now

is just to have a nice little dram. Slange.

Ah! That's the stuff!

Can I do it again?

If you've been inspired to do your bit for Comic Relief and enjoy

eating out, then an easy way to get involved is through Menu Relief.

Find out more at...

..and learn about other ways to help raise money, too.

Back in the kitchen,

Tony's Flintstones-inspired beef dish is still a work in progress.

-So, is brioche something you would normally put around a potato?

-No.

He hadn't decided how he was going to prepare his potatoes

before the competition, and he's still improvising.

What's the idea of the brioche around the potato?

Make it look like a boulder or a rock or a red nose,

we'll see what happens.

I really can't believe you're doing this and you've not tried it.

Tony's making it up as he goes along strategy is risky

if he wants to maintain his joint lead with Michael.

-What's he doing over there?

-I have no id...

He's making brioche boulders.

Really?

So, Tony, lots of action going on,

but that doesn't necessarily result in good cooking from him.

He needs to reign it back in.

HE YELLS

Michael isn't playing it safe with his North African goat

main course, swapping his usual Scottish produce

for more exotic ingredients.

He's making the filling for his spicy filo parcels.

So then the spice mix in there,

you don't want to, you know, cos the soup, it was delicious but,

to me, it was just slightly on the edge because everything is very rich.

So, we don't want the same problem, Michael.

Michael has to be careful not going overboard with spices.

We'll have to see how it works and how it tastes.

I've had to really practice this dish to nail cooking it perfectly.

It's quite a bit to do, it's a main course,

you've got to pull out all the stops

Michael's put the hours in with his spicy goat dish to ensure

he's ready for the competition, but risk taker Tony's

gambling on a dish he hasn't tested and can't quality control himself.

So what's this?

That's potatoes confited in the beef dripping.

Cool, and you can't eat that, can you?

No, that's why I'm getting you and Michael to taste it.

For religious reasons, Tony doesn't eat beef.

So you're not a bit concerned of serving a dish you can't taste?

No, that's what I'm asking these guys for.

I couldn't do Tony's approach and come into

the competition without knowing exactly what I was doing.

Tony is taking a risk. I personally wouldn't do that.

Currently trailing in last place,

Mark knows he has to get everything on his boil-in-the-bag duck dish

spot on.

He's preparing his take on bread sauce, made with sourdough,

which he's toasting almost to the point of burning

in a bid to impart more flavour.

-How you looking, Mark?

-Good.

-Bread toasted enough for you?

-Yeah.

-You're checking it every 30 seconds.

-Well, you made me paranoid!

-Don't burn the bread sauce, OK?

-No, definitely not.

I've obviously made Mark paranoid. Not quite sure what he's planning

to do there, so we wait and see,

but hopefully it's not going to fall flat on its face.

Michael is making the barbecue glaze for his goat

and as a nod to his Scottish roots, he adds a good dram of whisky,

which has got his rivals interested.

Do you want a wee dram, boys, or no?

-To the boys.

-Slange.

-Cheers.

That's nice, that.

With a good dose of Scottish courage,

Tony has to get back to work as he's first to the pass,

and it's down to the wire as he's still improvising with his potatoes.

-So you're looking in control, ready to...?

-Yes.

I'm a bit scared on the potatoes.

You may get two types, I don't know.

Hedging his bets, Tony fries his dripping potatoes to crisp up,

caramelises his braised beef

and sautees his spiced spring greens.

But with so many elements to bring together at the last minute,

the pressure's beginning to show.

BLEEP!

-Oh,

-BLEEP!

-Anyway...

Luckily, Tony manages to rescue his gravy.

He serves his braised beef ribs

on boards with comedy wooden bones...

Hee-hee-hee!

..before finishing with Vichy carrots,

a pile of dripping potatoes and a brioche red nose boulder.

Remind me what it's called again.

Fred's Rib Ticklers.

Ha-ha! Tiny rib ticklers, though.

Well, let's go. Let's hope it's a rip roaring success.

Ho-ho-ho!

Would you say it's essentially like a roast, you know, meat and two veg?

That's what people like, it's still the most popular thing.

-People love it.

-So, obviously you don't taste it yourself.

Was that not too risky or are you happy that...?

It was a bit risky, but I trust the guys, they tasted it for me.

If you take away the bones, what's funny about the dish?

What's the amusement?

It is witty, it's playful.

-Tony's Rib Ticklers?

-Tony's Rib Ticklers.

Tony's meat and two veg, here we go.

-It's falling apart.

-Yeah, it's just falling apart.

I think he's got the cooking spot on.

For a guy that doesn't cook beef...

That's true.

The veg has turned out how you wanted it spice-wise?

I presume you tasted that.

Yeah, the veg is lovely, the carrots I kept quite sweet because

the beef jus is quite strong.

Better with the spring greens.

The greens have a got a lot of flavour, I love greens.

There's a spice in there.

I don't know if it marries with the potatoes and the carrots.

I don't know.

Shall we try that?

These are the ones Tony hasn't tried and he just made up today.

I don't know if the dish needs it or if it's got a place there.

Do you think he put that on cos he doesn't think

-there's a strong enough link to the brief?

-Yeah.

Is it amusing for you? Is it funny?

The fun element was the initial concept of it.

And then because I had the brioche left over,

I thought I'd carry it through. A little red nose.

Have you got the balance of protein to veg here?

-You don't think you've got too much or too little?

-It's a big portion.

Could you eat all that?

I don't think I could eat all of it.

I would like to try. There's a huge amount of meat.

There's just too much there. A four-course banquet.

-Do you think that's as strong as your fish dish?

-No.

It's a nice dish, I think it's technically done

all the bits and pieces,

but no heart and soul in it. That sounds terrible!

I can see us going to Tony's house, you know, Sunday lunch,

and getting this. It would be great.

But I don't see how it fits the brief at all.

Next to the pass is former regional champion Michael.

Currently joint leader with Tony, he's practiced and practiced

his spicy African goat dish in a bid to keep ahead of the competition.

He fries his plantain fritters and mixes his spicy tomato couscous.

He dresses his lentil salad

and places his whisky-glazed goat on top of the couscous.

Finally, he dusts his filo parcels with icing sugar

and serves along with the plantain fritters and yogurt dressing.

SHE LAUGHS

-What do you think?

-Looks great.

-Yeah, it looks lovely.

So, shall I serve up now for everyone?

-Shall I be Mum?

-Of course. Take as much as you want.

It's just all about interaction, sharing.

-Right, let's go, Michael. Ready to taste?

-Great.

It's very family style, everyone tuck in together.

You can almost eat it with your hands.

You feel the goat is moist enough, not too dry?

No, I don't think so, no.

I think it's quite a unique flavour.

I'm not sure how many people in the UK will have eaten a goat, so...

That's the kind of stuff I like to eat.

-That looks amazing.

-And spicy, I think, as well, the roll.

Dig in.

It's so tender. You know me, it's just...

That's falling off the fork it's so tender.

-Mm!

-Oh, stunning!

Happy with the balance of spice in the glaze

with the goat meat?

Yeah, I think so, yeah.

-That just adds an extra little bit of moisture.

-Yeah.

-And the couscous, spicy enough for you?

-Mm-hm.

I mean, I like spicy, but I don't want to make it too spicy

for the banquet.

-The couscous is well spiced.

-Yep.

-And I don't like spice, and this is.

-It's aromatic with spice,

-it's not hot.

-This is great.

-Have you tried the pastilla?

Really tasty.

-It's sugar on there, isn't it?

-Traditionally,

there's icing sugar mixed with a bit of cinnamon that's on top.

The goat's cheese that's in there really gives,

you know, a richness and another flavour of goat.

And this is? Like a bhaji?

-This is plantain, green plantain.

-Right.

-Shredded?

-Just shredded, a little bit of garlic.

And again, it's just to add a bit of texture.

You've got the contrast here - crispy, soft.

-It works well, texturally.

-Mm-hm.

It's a little bit salty, I think, the plantain.

You know, the overall brief is put humour in your food,

put the funny side into your food.

-I mean, that's not funny.

-Comic Relief isn't just about laughter,

-it's a charitable organisation.

-Yep.

And originally it was inspired by giving aid to Africa.

Do you think this is your strongest course?

-So, Tony, has it got you worried?

-Yes.

-It has. I think this is something I should have cooked.

-Yeah.

I think it fits the brief perfect, it's lovely.

I think it is, I think it's lovely.

Next up is molecular chef Mark.

Currently in last place, he knows he has to deliver

his boil-in-the-bag duck perfectly, but he still has a lot to do.

He fries his duck croquettes and caramelises his watermelon

before removing his cabbage wrapped duck breast from the water bath.

He pipes toast puree onto the plates,

followed by wilted spinach, honey-glazed salsify,

caramelised watermelon, duck breast and the crispy skin.

Finally, he serves the confit leg croquette

and pours his jus into tea pots.

He places the finished plates into specially made bags and he has

one final joke to deliver, but he needs the help of his opponents.

-You close the bag.

-Right.

-I'll fill it with helium.

-OK.

Tie that ribbon. Bang it on the pass.

Pull up your sleeve, Mark, this is an amazing presentation.

So, Angela, Boil-in-the-bag Duck.

You pierce the bag with the straw, you inhale the fumes,

then you quack like a duck.

HIGH PITCHED: Hello. I think that's very good.

THEY LAUGH

That is very good! Right, let's go and eat this Quack Like A Duck.

Mark's comic trick needs just one short breath of helium to work,

which was carefully supervised in the Great British Menu kitchen.

-HIGH PITCHED:

-I don't know if I can quack like a duck.

-Amazing, isn't it?

-That was a cracker... it's a quacker!

Right, so this is where you cook the duck in the bag.

-Yeah.

-Are you happy with how it's turned out? The cooking?

Yeah, that's perfect.

I mean, that's...

From the middle to the... Yeah, just...

-Exactly it.

-The watermelon is as you want it?

-Yep.

I definitely think it works.

-Did you try the duck?

-Yeah, the duck first.

And that is straight into the water bath.

I've got no qualms with that.

The one thing with sous-vide is you get rid of a lot of texture,

so you need to put a lot of texture back in.

And the crispy skin, the duck croquette...

Do you think the crispy skin retains its crispiness

when it's inside with the helium?

It's still crispy now.

-It's tasty, but it's not crispy.

-No.

-I find the duck croquette dry.

-A little bit dry.

-But with the watermelon, it works perfectly.

-Yeah.

You've got enough puree on there or could you add more?

I could probably add a little bit more toast puree.

And... but it's definitely there.

-And you think you could pull that off for 80 people?

-Definitely.

It's a water bath.

I think this is...by far Mark's strongest dish.

But it's achievability...there was three of us doing two plates.

Practically, for the banquet,

there's too many moves onto the plate.

And if you were me, what would you score it, Mark?

If I were you, I would score this dish a nine.

Bravo, brother, bravo.

I'm happy with that. Angela just tried it.

-I think your strongest dish.

-Couldn't have gone any better.

The helium, the duck was cooked to perfection,

-could have maybe done with a little bit more toast puree.

-Mm.

But is that enough to knock a point off?

Mark's dish has worried me, I think it could overtake us,

but we'll find out when Angela judges.

So, Tony.

I like the dish.

The little brioche nose.

I enjoyed the spice of the cabbage

and I like the idea of the style of the braising of it.

But...

There's more in you than that. You know, you can do better than

turned carrots and potatoes,

and really push your imagination.

You said yourself it wasn't a dish necessarily from the heart

and it was your weakest dish,

and I have to say I agree with you.

So, Michael, for your I Love Kids But I Couldn't Eat A Whole One...

I thought it was delicious. I thought the meat was tender,

it was lovely and moist.

And those samosas, you know, I could have just eaten them all.

You justified your brief, but my only criticism of this dish

is that maybe a little bit more spice.

So, Mark, for your Boil-in-the-bag Duck...

I thought the interpretation was brilliant.

I just thought it was very funny.

Toasted bread puree came through.

It was lovely toasted, it had that lovely flavour at the end.

My thing, I'm not a great fan of sous-vide cooking.

And not for meats especially.

Unless at the end you sort of caramelise it up. I know you

had the skin, but I felt the skin could have been a little bit more crispy.

So, Tony, for your Rib Tickler...

I'm giving you five points.

So, Michael, for your Kid Dish...

I'm going to give you nine points.

And, Mark, for your duck dish,

I'm going to give you eight points.

ALL: Thank you.

Cracking.

Well done, Mark. Still tight, though.

-Yes, yes.

-Very tight.

-Changes every course.

So Michael has regained his lead with 22 points.

Mark has moved into second place with 19 points.

And Tony has fallen down to third with 18.

I'm delighted with my score, that puts me in second place.

There's only two that go through to the judging panel.

I don't want to be stopped because of my main course.

I'm really desperate to get to the judges' chamber.

I'm not going to lose that three point lead,

it means everything to me.

Tomorrow, the competition continues with dessert.

Will joker Tony have the last laugh?

It's a custard pie. If that's not comedy, what is?

Or is his technically challenging dessert a risk too far?

-Oh,

-BLEEP!

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