03/07/2011 Something for the Weekend

Good morning. It's 10 o'clock and Amanda is back here in the hot seat

standing in for Louise. It is quite hot, actually. We need the air con

on. Our first guest is author, producer, comedian, actor and the

King of lovely, Danny Wallace. Hello! We shoulda, woulda, coulda

and we actually dida, the Queen of British soul will join us, it's

Beverley Knight. And they are here to do some cocktails and cook for

you Andrew this week's telly. This is Something for the Weekend.

Good morning. Welcome to Something for the Weekend. Great to have you

back. We've got microphone problems? My levels were off. Story

of my life. How have you been? Really good. I had an amazing June.

I've been on holidays, or you say, hollibobs. I've been to Paris and

Ibiza. I believe Louise is on her holidays this week. Before the show

you were eating salmon and cucumber, which made us laugh, because you

are super-ing a detox? Ibiza left me a broken woman. It was pretty

intense. I came home and thought, I'm going to clean myself. Have a

wash, yeah. And did you feel better for your detox? Don't I look better,

Simon! Tim and I were just saying that. I was at Glastonbury last

weekend. How was that? The best thing I saw was the sun, when it

came up on the Saturday. I was that deep in mud but it was brilliant.

Did you glamp or camp? Neither! didn't hotel it, did you? Such a

ziv va. No, I didn't hotel it. I stayed in a house. A house! It was

good fun in my house. Who were your favourite snacks Yesterday we went

to the tennis. Thanks for the invite, by the way. We scoured the

souvenir shop to get you most expensive thing we could find.

God, here we go. Oh, you went to Wimbledon and that's all you

brought me back? It was fantastic. It was really, really good. Shar

sharp, was she grunting? Sharapova, was she grunting? It is

not as bad in real life. Why does she do it? To make sure they don't

hold their breath when they hit. We are joined by the soulful Beverley

Knight, here to talk about her new album of classic covers, her MBE

and 17 years of success. I will never be able to look at you same

way again, Tim. We have commandian and celebrity clomnust Danny

Wallace, who will be able to tell - - clom nist Danny Wallace, who will

be able to tell us about his amazing new programme. E-mail or

tweet us and we'll ask your questions. What's happening in the

kitchen today? Have you been doing raw juice? Yeah, juices and raw

food. That's what I have most days. Nuts, ham and apple. And water.

water. Ham is cooked. I'll explain it later, Tim, don't worry.? Well,

in the real world what we were cooking today, we start with a

baked paella salad. Think rice and add acidity in it, bizarrely adding

Viking tore the rice gives it a -- adding vinegar to the rice gives it

a delicious flavour. The main course is a lamb meat loaf. Meat

loaf is much maligned. Over here we tend not to eat it much, but it is

gorgeous. Delicious, loads of meat and lots of flavour. Really good

for a detox. I would like to acknowledge Julia Bradbury for her

recipe for loukoumades. It is doughnuts basically, with yoghurt

and honey. How but get that recipe? It is her nan's recipe and I've

stolen it. And finally a declucks fish finger sandwich, salmon, and

making our own tartare sauce. You can't do poncy bread. You need

thick, sliced white. How are you getting away with doing that?

magnificent. Everyone will send you pictures of that next week.

Sandwich spread? Why don't we make that? What is it, mayonnaise?

Mayonnaise, chopped gherkins. what's that other stuff we ate as

kids? Toast Toppers. That's way, way before my time. All our recipes

are on our website - bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend.

Here's some other stuff happening on the show today. Damien Lewis

struggles against the child traffickers in Stolen.

It is bedsit bedlam in comedy Him And Her. And we get down with the

songwriters in LA's Troubador club. We had a great time. It was

terrific. Looking forward to all of that and

especially to Wayne Collins's cocktails. Your detox is over.

Tomorrow is American Independence Day, so we've got two but bon

drinks and a cherry-infused but bon to try. Sounds cool. Before we

to try. Sounds cool. Before we drink we've got to cook. We were

making a paella salad. Paprika, turmeric, garlic and son on.

Watercress, stock, cherry tomatoes, peas, parsley, artichokes, good

Spanish extra Virgin olive oil and sherry vinegar. Slice that down the

middle, cut side down on the board and slice. Don't confuse me. Cut-

side down. We don't want half moons. This way, as fine as you can get it.

Tim, you can finely slice the garlic. Do you want to swap?

always stinks of garlic. You said that and people believe it.

fish fingers later. An awful smelly finger you've got. One of the

things I noticed yesterday, there are so many different types of food,

it did make me think of our Olympic stand when we have our hutch at the

Olympics. Are you really going to do that? Yeah, we haven't got any

tickets, it's the only way we can get in. We thought about names for

the stalls. I was taking my inspiration for a stall, a salad

bar, The Only Way Is Lettuce. Or if we did a beef jerky stall, we could

do Jerky Shors. I see what you did there. Did you watch these

programmes? Never. I can't stand those. I do like the Kardashians.

They all look the same. The mum looks the same age as the

granddaughter. Why don't you call your stand wolverine or Joy...

don't know, do you? No, I don't. I'm doing well here. Well done! In

goes the onions... Thanks, dad! Cook this for a few minutes.

Ideally cook this slowly for five or six minutes to get the sweetness

from the onion and the garlic. I deliberately sliced the garlic

rather than crushed it. I like it as an ingredient rather than a

flavouring. If you crush garlic it gets through everything. If you

slice it, straight away you can smell the garlic begins the cook

rather than permeate through the on yofpbltmuck in the paella rice and

-- through the onion. Chuck in the paella rice. Valencia is the centre

of paella rice production. You see them harvesting rice from the paddy

fields. It is surreal. You don't think you would see that in Europe.

I like paella. Is that how you say it? Paeya-yaaah! Is that just a

sound? One long sill billion. joy for me of paella ovaries Otto

is once we've stirred it round a bit, we are using veggie stock,

then turn it down to a simmer. Bake for 20 minutes. None of this adding

liquid all the time. No stirring around. It is dead easy. This is a

basic paella. There is no fish or veg glis there, purely on --

veggies in there, purely onion. Nice flavour, delicious. Amanda,

halve... What does it feel like eating food like that after your

diet, amazing? Are detox diets good for you? They are. You've got to

give your system a break. From what? From the old routine. How do

they cleanse new I'm not sure. body is very efficient as a piece

of machinery. Remember they say there is meat hanging round in you

for ten years? It is Frew! Our intestines a complex object. Well

if there is stuff hanging around in you, go for a run, do star jumps,

that's what I do. There are so many toxins in the air today that we

didn't have many years ago. The cavemen didn't have. Have what?

these toxins. How do you know that? They told me... In my dreams.

they only lived until 12. Are you doing the caveman diet? No, what is

that? Is it just meat? Anything you would eat if you were a caveman.

Dinosaurs... And I've got a personal trainer. I'm going all out.

A personal trainer, have you really? How are you getting on with

your personal trainer? Great. Mine's really good. What do you do

with your personal trainer? He's brilliant, Nick. I don't think he

likes me very much. Y because you are lazy? He makes me do things I

don't want to do, and I'm sore the next day. Star jump stphrs Lots of

running and -- star jumps, lots of running, all of that. We'll write a

book soon. Detox the star jump way. Right, we've got the rice. All

these ingredients we are adding separately and we bake it together.

Add a little sherry vinegar into there and a good glug of Spanish

extra Virgin olive oil. Sprinkle salt and pepper. Add the cherry

tomatoes, peas, artichokes. Tim, chuck in the parsley and Amanda

stir it round. Now the rice is cooked and it is open, the way it

is soft. That does smell really good. All of a sudden you get that

lovely smell and the acidity goes into the rice. You change the way

the rice behaves. Rather than it being stodgey and sweet and dry,

now you've got a lovely, delicious, and look at the colours in this.

You could add whatever you want. Chilled prawns in there would be

lovely. Chorizo would be delicious. I'm layering this with watercress.

I think this is nice to do as one big bowlful really. You are making

sure you are allowing juice to come out. A touch more of that. Finally

a bite of that. You've got the pepperyness in there. One of the

things about it is making sure you've got good ingredients

organisation so good sherry vinegar and olive oil. That's really

delicious. Very fresh. It is bizarre how a bit of vinegar on

Main course? It won't be your cup of tea, it's a lamb meatloaf,

hearty American. I am back on the meat again. As Ulster, you can get

all -- as always, you can get all of today's recipes on our website.

Now a preview of a beautifully directed programme on the subject

of child trafficking, this is Hello, this is Rosemary. Come in.

I will show you where you will be sleeping. You must be very tired.

Do you want to follow me. Come on. Keisha. What. This is Rosemary.

She's going to be staying with us for a couple of days. Another one.

When Rosemary is in the house I always want the doors locked. I

want all phones out of sight at all times. She's my only link to the

trafficker and I do not want to lose her. Then put a policeman on

the door. As far as security goes You can catch Stolen starring

Damien Lewis tonight at 9.00pm on BBC1 and BBC1 HD. Our first guest

has released his best selling books, written blockbuster movies,

presented TV shows and even tried to represent the UK at the

Eurovision Song Contest. Not busy A man of very many talents, clearly.

Welcome Danny Wallace. It's about time my music was broadcast to a

wider audience. I am pleased, at last. Did you get nil points?

went ungraded because I wasn't allowed to enter, sadly. I went to

Brussels and met the man in charge of the thing, I told him I wanted

to bring the music back to the people. What is he like, is he like

Sepp Blatter? That's a football reference and you know I don't know

what you are talking about. I will say yes if that helps in that he

has a foreign sounding name. I wanted to write a song about people

coming together. Stop the mugging, start the hugging was born.

didn't work. Good one to start on. We were discussing before the show,

you are doing so many things. What are you, Danny Wallace? If you were

to go to the dole office now what is your job description? I am a

writer. That's what I do and other stuff. My whole philosophy about it

is try and have fun and do things that are fun and try and do them

well so you get asked to have more fun later. The writing is my job.

If I am in a cab and they ask me I don't want to say so I say I work

at Argos and that kills it dead. they say how many of those free

pens do you get? They don't. That's what I would ask. It's all

automated - we are getting into specific Argoes-based... You write

a brilliant column in Shortlist about awkward situations you have

got into and people find themselves in, it's Danny Wallace is a Man.

write that. It didn't start that way. It developed into me writing

about things that would happen to me and my friends, strange

situations. Give us an example. Like I don't know how to walk

behind a woman I don't know at night. It's an awkward thing. You

immediately think, arrogantly somehow... You think about your

breathing. That they see you as a threat. You can't just go "I am not

a threat" because that seems weird and if you slow down that's odd and

speed up that's worse. I developed a technique, a jaunty whistle to

put them at their ease. That's worse. It made it into like a

horror movie. Whistle Killer! then got all of those stories made

into a book. Put them together as a book last year, Awkward Situations

For Men. Have you had awkward situations this morning? One when I

walked into the wrong room and saw Tim ironing his own shirt. I have

learned a lot about you today, you are you are terrible at Spanish, we

established that and you mainly eat ham and nuts. Actually, that's a

lie, I just eat apples now. just eat apples. Kind of, I do like

apples. Is that bad? I suppose if you are the host of a show that

involves a lot of cooking it's not ideal. It's awkward. Elliot says

are the stories in your books exaggerated for comedy effect or

genuine? They're the way I would tell them to you if if you are in

the the pub. It's the way I would tell an anecdote. I write like I

speak, but posher. That's my rule for writing. I met Dylan Jones the

other night, editor of GQ and he says you have been out to interview

Charlie Sheen. I did a little piece for GQ. Was he he sober? I brought

a $750 ticket to sheus show -- to his show which earns you ten

seconds with Charlie Sheen and I met him. Did you? I met him and it

was weird, he was doing his live tour across the States and I went

to Texas and it was a very strange show and I wasn't sure I wanted to

meet him after watching it. I knew I would have ten seconds so the

piece is about what I was going to ask him. In ten seconds? Yeah.

Brilliant and your impressions of the man and everything. And the

fans, yeah. Your book got made into - is it a sitcom? Yeah, for ABC in

America last year. It was a pilot, so you go out there and it's an

extraordinary experience in going out there with my little boy and

being on the set and the director and stuff and that brought its own

situations, to get the visa sorted I sought this thing I shouldn't

have seen, the company plying me -- flying me over said I was an actor

of international renoun and I am not. I have had a 15 second bit in

the IT Crowd and not sure that's enough. They let you in. Then they

decided they wanted it with an audience and maybe a baby. Get the

baby in there. We shot it, not the baby, I do apologise, we shot the

pilot at that stage and so it was very hard to CGI in a baby. Then

they decided that what they wanted really was female comedy, comedy

based around women and mine was called Awkward Situations For Men.

Rename it. How was your acting. looks like a proper sitcom. And

it's shot in that way and we are in yellow cabs and looks like Seinfeld

and there's me walking down the middle in my ordinary clothes. It's

a strange one, yeah. I had to act at being an actor who was good at

acting. Everything you write seems to almost turn to gold. You wrote

Yes Man which turned into a movie with Jim Carrey. You have written a

first fiction novel which is being picked up for a movie. Yeah, I

haven't really talked about this. I wrote a novel and just handed it in

and it comes out in a year and Working Title have picked it up.

It's a romantic comedy and they've made all my favourite comedies ever.

They have made Notting Hill. Four Weddings and that kind of

stuff. How jammy are you! Maybe talented and not jammy. I go for a

bit of both. The book's not even out, how do they get it? They take

it to the publishers? There's various processes involved and it

gets sent out to foreign publishers as well so they can pick it up if

they want to. What is the book about? It's about a man and a lady.

This is different. A thing that happens. Oh! Controversial. I will

wait until next year. Will you come back? This is very much a a teaser

campaign. Are you going to be playing yourself in it? I would

like to have a cameo. I did a cameo in Yes Man, maybe that's why they

thought I was an international actor, and I was standing at the

end of a bar looking very uncomfortable and out of place but

with a British pint glass. I would like to maybe try and re-create

that same cameo in any films I am able to get ever, so one day in an

infinite universe someone downloads those same films and always sees

the same man at the boar. -- at the bar. We can't go without talking

about your latest book, More Awkward Situations For Men. Is it

Is it different or same stories rehashed in posh writing. I changed

the font. It's much more stuff and I will a little boy now, so there

are elements of the situations that happens there. Being a dad. There's

the day my kid turned into a toddler, he went from a baby, into

a proper person person with kind of - either incredibly happy because I

made a ridiculous noise or incredibly sad, throwing his arms

in the air, despair because I won't let him him throw a pear out of a

window at a policeman. And how I became a star of a advertising

campaign throughout Egypt. There is a picture of me with a monkey, I

love the picture and someone in Egypt must have Googled funny

monkey, and found this, and blew it up over massive billboards over

Cairo and Luxor without telling me. What is it for? I am happy to

endorse them, the Africa Safari and Hotel Chain, no money has changed

hands for this. I am the monkey man of Egypt. You are going to hang

around and get involved with our gadgets this week. What are we

looking at, Nicki? As you can see from the stylish bicycle, Tour de

France started yesterday so we are going to be looking at the coolest

bikes on the market. Is it too late to pull out of the show? If you

want your lunch, you have to hang around. Danny will be cooking

pudding as well as that. If you have any questions for him or

Beverley you can tweet or e-mail them. We are going to be travelling

back in time now but you won't need the DeLorean, Marty McFly. I was

only interested in the hoverboard. 88 stks mph -- 88mph. Thanks for

#. Winnie Mandela never looked like a woman sentenced to years in jail.

Out on bail straightaway pending her appeal against sentence and

conviction. The organisers of last night's

Pavarotti concert in Hyde Park say the event was a huge success,

despite the heavy rain which drenched the 100,000-strong crowd.

Tonight, the Royal Albert Hall staged one of its most unusual

I don't have to stand here and justify my actions to you, next

time you can pick up your own mail. Another thing, if I find one more

of those stupid yellow notes I may not be responsible for my actions.

That was Angus Deayton. Yes. What do KLF do now? They have just

reformed actually and played a couple of gigs They burnt a couple

of million pounds, remember that? Did they though? What year was

that? 87 or 88? I think it is 87 or '88. I say 87. I'm now to see what

'88. I say 87. I'm now to see what you've cooked from last week's show.

This is Amy Lyttelton and this is their tiny dog Travis, and this is

only James Martin. Really? Look very green, those peas. They made

the crab risotto cakes, which are yummy. How big are those dog's

ears? Massive. What would you call that dog fit was yours? Come back

to me. Gary Lineker. Prince Charles. I don't know, cliche comedy. This

is Ben and Harrison. If there's a manufacturer looking for a cute kid

to endorse a product, look at his little face. Brilliant. Chocolate

swirl cake. It was Ben's 9th birthday. Kay and Sian are from

Kettering. The doggy is called Sky. Dressing up animals. What's that

Dressing up animals. What's that one there? It is a snake. No, it's

not a snake, it's got legs! It is not a snake, it's got legs! It is

some form of lizard-type beast. Is it a really large newt? We need to

know. If this is you... It's a dragon. What is it? I don't know.

We'll find out, if you were watching. There is lots of people

at home who know. Somebody is muttering in my ear. I love this, a

beautifully framed shot. Kirsty from Lincoln. That girl there with

her Cham eel onwhich you can't see, because it's blended into the

course? Lamb meat loaf. Meat and bread, right? Pretty much. It is

all leftovers. With the exception of fresh parsley I'm using dried

herbs. We've got bacon. Minced lamb, minced pork, cook off some of the

bacon. Lamb and pork, why? Because of the

fat content will hold it together. The lamb, while it is fatty, lots

of fat will come out of the lamb and it can shrink. I thought meat

loafs were made out of beef. They are, generally speaking. I think

lamb and pork is an interesting combination. We've got parsley, our

only fresh ingredients. Bacon, onion, celery, Worcestershire sauce,

do rehearsalst at 7.30am and on air I can't remember how to do this.

Surely there is an order to everything, Simon? There is, but

when you are staging it for the purposes of television it is

different. From a reality point of view you soak the bread with the

egg and the milk. Then we mash it. I will do that while you finely

chop that. I will chop the celery. Soak this for 20 minutes or so. The

milk and the egg start to break down. You need to work this quite

well so it becomes (Inaudible). How many recipes don't have an onion in

it? Only three, and they are all desserts! Mix all of that together

and really break it down. On yon is a -- onion is a good basis for most

things. If somebody in a restaurant is allergic to onions you really

struggle. Try another restaurant. It is a difficult one.

Mash all this together. Thenly chuck in our spices into there and

chuck in the mustard and the Worcestershire sauce. Amazing time

for sport at the moment isn't it? Brilliant. The fight last night.

Disappointed, are you? A bit disappointed. I really wanted David

Haye to win that. I loved the hype and the build-up. The tennis, who

do you want to win today? As a person I like Rafael Nadal. One of

the I like mostly about this Championships a picture of him in

his local supermarket shopping is, because he likes to cook. I like

Nadal. I want to go for him. Tour de France started. Did you see the

crash? No, I red about it but didn't see it. I'm not really a

summer sports person. That's a disgrace. Next year you've got the

Olympics as well. Olympics and euro 2012. A huge summer of sport. What

am I doing? Mix it all together. The simplicity of a meat loaf is it

all gets cooked together. Get your hands In goes the pork and the lamb.

Plenty of seasoning. The key to a meat loaf is loads of salt, and

particularly pepper. You are aiming to mix that so it all becomes one,

so rather than having pockets of bread and meat, you want to turn in

into a complete ingredient. The parsley gives it that fresh

grassiness. It is a much-maligned thing, meat loaf. If you go to the

United States it is everywhere, but we never have it here. We always

think it is going to be rubbish. With our leftovers we make bubble

and squeak, or Scouse in your case. That will become the national dish

come the revolution. Get right in there, Tim. I am, I can't get any

more in there, Simon! Everything's in there! A big bowl is essential,

so you can really work it. We are on the brink of that bowl being too

small. The big ter bowl the more you can get -- bigger the bowl, the

more you can get stuck in there. With the tennis I liked all of the

kit that the ballboys and line judges had. They looked really cool.

They looked really smart with the diagonal cross. I thought it was a

fantastic day. It was great. Louis Vuitton was great. How is your --

Kvitka was great. How is your tennis coming on? I was a one-

hander and I saw Nadal the other day and thought, I should should be

doing two hands. Roger and Pistol Pete are single-handed. I was

modelling my game on them. My coach thinks my weapon's my forehand. I

think it's my smile. LAUGHTER will be a long season. Now it's

mixed together, all of it goes in there. The key is to make sure

these corners are filled. hearing that animal is called a

blue-tonged skink. I've never heard of one of those before. The key is

getting it into the corners. What will happen is the meat will shrink

as it cooks. If you don't really pack it down, what will happen is

that as the meat shrinks, when you turn this out you will end up with

a meat Oval, and we want this to be really deliciously packed into the

corners. Once it's gone in, to keep more fat in it, the same way that

you could... What animal is a skink? I didn't know what it was

from the pictures, there is no point asking me now. I think it's a

2011er -- dweller of the Amazonian rainforest. What does it eat?

Bacon on top keeps it moist. We bake that for an hour. I think

somebody just made that up and tweeted it in. And we were so

paranoid that there is something we Knight not know that we've taken it

as fact. -- we might not know that we've taken it as fact. That smell

is really great. I think it is the bacon. The bacon and the herbs.

I can smell pork. And the lamb in the middle, you get that fattiness

of the lamb. That is a fantastic smell. If you want to do something

different for Sunday dinner. Let it sit for five minutes before you

carve it. That is glorious. We have a lovely big slab of our meat loaf.

With it we serve. Danny, do you want to try this? Mashed potato.

And we serve some greenery, in our case green beans. We serve it

with... Dany, as you are the face of wildlife in Egypt, what's a

skink? Have you heard of a blue- tonged skink? No, that's why I like

this show. Educational. So you get the juicy moistness that the bread

gives it. You've got bacon, pork and lamb and the spices. And it is

great cold as well. That's yummy. Meat loaf can be for every day of

the week. We are making loukoumades, Danny, as you well know. Is that

the Greek thing? It is what the blue-tongued lizards eat. They do

like loukoumades. If you want to make any of that or today's recipes,

go to our website - bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend.

In your mouth, Tim. That's the same In your mouth, Tim. That's the same

address if you wants to e-mail questions for Danny Wallace or

Beverley Knight. @SFTW. Quite a racy comedy, set in their bedsit it

stars Russell Tovey and his girlfriend in Him And Her. Steve?

Why have you put your mug face down on the floor? Chuck it out if

window. You can get AIDS from a spider. I read it on a website.

a man for once in your life and get rid of the spied err. Alright, give

me that. Stand back! Stay behind me. Oh, God.

I'll deal with him in a minute when I've worked out a plan. Up side

down. You put a mug up side down, not face down. DOORBELL RINGS

Ignore him. I can't. You can meet Him And Her if you are up late on a

Wednesday at 11.15pm on BBC One. Our next guest burst on the music

scene in 1995. She's worked with the likes of Stevey wonder and

Prince. And picked up an MBE while churning out hits like these.

# Hold on to the beautiful night # There is no need to worry

# Because I won't turn on the light # Oh, I wish I had done a little

bit more # I shoulda, woulda, coulda means

I'm out of time # And I wonder, wonder what I'm

gonna do # Shoulda, woulda, could da are the

# Come as you are # Don't be shy

# Don't deny Welcome back, Beverley Night, you

played with Prince, what was he like? Absolutely mind-blowing,

there are no words. It was incredible. The whole thing was

like did this really happen? It was like a dream. Didn't he fly you to

LA? He did. I didn't know why I was going. I was told it's a meeting,

but when I got there I realised it was Oscars weekend, I thought

what's going on? Yeah, it turned out he wanted me there to sing at

his Oscars party. Have you been to the purple Palace? I haven't yet,

because the home in LA was rented house, but I am waiting. Have you

spent time with him socially, did you get to hang out with him?

I got there he called me at the hotel, I was like this because it

was the jet-lag had kicked in. We chatted on the phone for a good 20

minutes and I was like, yeah, yeah, wake up! But then the next day when

it was Oscars party day and the Oscars we kind of spent time

together talking music, he was playing me demos. Is he a laugh?

is, honestly. Does he wear that stuff in his normal outfits or

tracksuits or stuff. He does not dress down. The way - it's like he

kind of full fills everything you want him to, to be honest. He is

not like going up the shop in my trackies. He is totally - that's

him all the time. 17 years you have been around, we were talking about

it. You have had an incredibly long year. I --. A long career. I do

feel grateful and humbled. It's the fans who have done it and they're

amazing. It's been quite an incredible career I have had.

that time how has the music industry changed for you? You have

a few things to say about the way things have gone of late. I always

have something to say! Me and my opinions. Yeah, I have seen so many

revolutions really in how music, not only is bought, but how it's

actually received. Back in the day when I started Top of the Pops was

a massive event. We haven't even got that any more. In fact, we

hardly have any music shows, apart from Jools Holland which is a

delight for any musician, you get to play live. In the past decade

more or less, we have seen shows like X Factor come up and I worry

about shows like that because... You have been outspoken about it

recently. Didn't you call it a monstrosity or something? It's the

machine that I find so, oh my God, you know, it's overwhelming. These

kids go in, they're like yes I want to do it and I am like do you

really understand the industry? Do you know what you are getting into?

Do you know that folk at home in auditions spend time laughing and

stuff like that? I think it's so... When you got into the industry you

didn't know, so they've come in. They've sailed in at a level where

it's like everybody's going to watch you make your mistakes, your

triumphs, everything. The ones who make it, there's very few. On one

hand. Leona Lewis. It was a great way for her to get through.

Arguably, she was going to get through anyway, because a voice

like that, that comes through and I would put Alex Burke in the same

category. Fantastic. Love her. When people like that come along they

rarely get ignored. It's like OK, Alex and Leona and there's tens of

thousands of others who end up on the telly, everybody knows them and

they fade away. They're set up for a fall basically. A lot of the time.

It's tough for the music companies now, the labels, they can't invest

in someone like Leona because they don't make money out of record

sales. By getting them on X Factor people will buy it, it's a quick-

fix for them as well. It is a quick-fix scenario for them and if

I am wearing my record label hat I can understand that. But my concern

is first and foremost for the people who go on it because of the

way the show is. It's a great TV show, it's good to watch, but

because of the more serious element of it being part and parcel of the

music industry, that's when I can see the cracks. That's when I see

the problems. If you don't understand an industry you are

getting into in any way, shape or form and you go in at top drawer,

your first tour is Wembley arena, for example, it's overwhelming and

if you make any tiny error, everybody gets to see it. That's

concerning. I made all my mistakes along the way. Maybe they should do

a show where they go and look at everybody after they've been on

these shows and see what they're doing and how their lives are good

or bad. The after effect. Let's do it! Let's talk about your music.

You are doing an album of cover versions. It has more depth, it has

a concept. Yes, it's me covering some of the great British songs

that we have either forgotten about or forgotten about careers of the

people who have done it. I am trying to celebrate them. It's like

my love letter to these guys who enabled me to have the career that

I have got. They paved the way. They're your inspirations.

Absolutely. Run through some of the acts. At the big end of the scale

we have got the amazing George Michael, who I absolutely love and

I have done his track One More Try. You have Jamiroquai and with both

those guys sometimes we forget their back catalogue and how

amazing they are. Sometimes the personal life gets talked about a

lot. Then you go along and I have people like Omar, a British soul

stalwart. You have Jacqui Graham from Wolverhampton and songs that

came out when I was little and I remember, Soul II Soul, of course.

It's a mix. Junior is the single. # At the time he couldn't

understand # Mama used to say

# Take your time young man # Don't you rush

# Mama used to say This remind me of Soul Train which

we used to tune into. I used to fancy Geoffrey Daniels. What's the

name of the album? It's Soul UK. Does what it says on the tin.

totally does. Thank you so much. Beverley is going to stay around

for the rest of the show. You want to see her shoes. Huge. You can

tweet or e-mail us with any questions.

There's loads to come on the show, including all of this.

Joni Mitchell hung out there, it was the Troubadour Club. I thought

she was Shakespeare reinkarpbated. Simon is cooking a deluxe fish

finger sandwich. It's the last chance to see the

tortured Luther. Danny Wallace has joined Simon and

me in the kitchen. Writing comedy, acting. There's no end to your

talents. Cooking. I can't remember what you were like last time.

terrific. What have you cooked since? I cooked loukoumades. Funny

enough we are doing them again just because you are back. Do you know

loukoumades? I never met him. A little joke there there! I have

seen Simon do a similar thing before. So, I am aware of it, but I

would like to know how to make it. Thank you. That's a nice intro. The

sauce, we have lemon, honey, water and sugar. The loukoumades are

fundamentally a donut, a fried batter thing. We have flour sifted

well, honey, warm water, salt and yeast. So, Mr Wallace, if you would

like to dip in the salt and yeast, spoon. As you stir, gradually add

the water. You are trying to avoid it being too lumpy really. Got you.

We are just three guys hanging out making pudding. It's what we do.

Awkward situation. I went a little bit bit gloopy there. You are

trying to mix this together without it being too lumpy, but equally

without beating the life out of the flour because they'll become too

stiff. Honey in there for flavour. As you talk about men's issues,

where are you with man hugs? I am all for man hugs. I enjoy man hugs,

I encourage them. You struggle, don't you? What do we do now.

Remain like this for a while. finding it uncomfortable. It's the

back pressure is a tricky thing. It's having a conversation doing it

which is even weirder. We have to cook at some point. To actually do

it now, it's like what do you do, a little press like that. A little

press is nice. That was unnerving, Tim. It made me feel strange.

Tim will enjoy, is just hold hands while cooking and do this for a

little while. As a man I feel really uncomfortable. I hope some

people have just turned on right now. I will let you go. That was

uncomfortable. I enjoy your discomfort. Because it's weird.

It's only because we don't do it. We are getting into a dangerous

area now. Do you greet someone like you, good friends, it's easy to do

that. You have to do that or this or hug. Or that. The tennis,

doubles yesterday. They do that one. We are still cooking, aren't we?

Speaking of which, what happens, we cover that and let that sit. I will

have to go back to this, when is the time to do it and not hug, when

do you make that decision? You have to judge the other person. It's

also like - do you do the thing it's been the end of the night you

have had terrific fun at a bar or restaurant and you go outside you

go it's been great, see you soon. See you later and you both walk off

in the same direction and you have to do the same thing and you are

judging the other person, you go if he goes left I will have to double

back. With this, we covered this and the yeast has done its magic

and it's fizzy and it's puffed up beautifully. Normally with any

batter what you do is you do what you call knocking back, get some of

this air out. You don't do that with loukoumades. What we want to

do, if you have a deep fat frier, fry these at about 160-180. Where

am I? Now, the sauce. Zest a bit of lemon. The rest of the sauce goes

in like that. You do find it uncomfortable, always. I don't know

when to do it and not. In that case just do it all the time. If what's

worrying you is when it's correct, just do it to everyone. OK. I will

try that. Even policemen and everything. Especially policemen,

yeah. What about kisses on text messages, are they acceptable to

send to other men? Not like your accountant or anything. I had to

write an angry e-mail to the council once and I was using words

I wouldn't normally use and I was angry, I was impressed with myself

and when I sent it I thought something's not right and I looked

and I had popped a little kiss at the end and I thought that probably

undermined the point I was trying to make. I think it's changed,

though. It has for you. I quite like it. Happens all the time, in

the phorpb -- mornings when we are here everyone hugs and kisses,

apart from you. I don't mind. All this lemon zest into the sauce. The

sauce, we put honey, water, we put soft light brown sugar. We have

loads of sweetness in all of this. Now we are turning it into...

Turning it into what? Fruitiness. We squeeze the lemon in. You are

laughing at how uncomfortable I was. I am going to cradle you to sleep

tonight. I reckon there's a lot of people at home thinking I am in the

same boat as Tim. Really? I think mate Lee Boardman was on, I gave

Lee a hug, like you do, and Tim went,, "Whoa!" And yet you are in

there ironing your shirt. I have to embrace your Metro sexuality.

like to think I am a metrosexual, but I'm not enamoured with the

hugging. Now, fish those out and pop them on the kitchen roll to

take away the excess fat. You want them slightly more golden than that

but these will be delicious nonetheless. Here we've got a

combination of icing sugar and cinnamon. This will smell like any

American interior design store. do they make them smell of

cinnamon? I've never thought about that. We layer up our beautiful

loukoumades, which are piping hot, nice and sweet. Then we pour over

this incredible pistachio honey and lemon sauce. Another dusting of

this and a touch of Greek yoghurt on the top. Dig They are going to

be warm, chaps. How many people on average die immediately after

eating one of these? A fairly high percentage. Coming up, Wayne

Collins's whisky cocktails and Beverley will be cooking a final

dish with us. A fish finger butty. I'm desperate to try some of this.

Oh, wow! Oh, God! A deep-fried sweet. What's not to like? That's

great. Now I'm uncomfortable. great. Now I'm uncomfortable.

Another man hug. And now me and you. Guess the year that all these

things happen in Deja View. LAUGHTER

# It's 3am, 3am, eternal # KLF is gonna rock ya

# Ancients of Mumu # Winnie Mandela never looked like a

woman just sentenced to six years in jail, out on bail.

organisers of last night's Pavarotti concert in Hyde Park say

the event was a huge success despite the heavy rain which

drenched the 100,000 strong crowd. Tonight the Royal Albert Hall

stages the grand Sumo tournament. # KLF (uh-huh, uh-ha uh-ha)

# Ancients of MuMu # TELEPHONE RINGS

Yes! What? No, I don't want to subscribe to Which?. I don't

believe it! That was Deja View with the KLF.

it. (Uh-huh, uh-ha uh-ha) Can you name the year they were at number

one? Winnie Mandela was imprisoned and Pavarotti was in the Park.

was around the time I left school, in 2001. I think it was early '90s.

Wayne, any idea? Late '80s. We'll find out for sure in approximately

18 minutes' time. First, Wayne is here to titillate us with some

here to titillate us with some cocktails. What's on the menu?

American Independence Day tomorrow so we've got American whisky, a

good old but bon. And cherry- infused. Isn't whisky Irish? The

water of life. I'm alive! Historically the Americans probably

wouldn't have started with American whisky but for the war of

independence. There was a tax on rum and on mead, but the Irish

immigrants started the whisky production in America. So they can

thank us. This is a cherry smash, a classic American drink using whisky,

mint and sugar, with new flavours in it as well. Fresh cherry. A

double slug of the black cherry- infused but bon. That's that?

hammer, a few gimmicks now and then. You don't have one of them, Tim, at

your party house. At my cocktail house. He'll make one. A wedge of

orange and mint leaves, and fresh lemon juice, a drizzle of sugar to

sweeten. This is all raw ingredients, so it's perfect for a

detox diet. What exercises do you do with your personal trainer?

of weights, squats, and I've been walking funny, funny strange, not

funny ha-ha. Lots of resistance training with bands and stuff.

Outside? In the park, yes. Did you wants to come and join in? I like

running. Just running. apparently short bouves running is

much better than one hour of running. I like running Forrest

Gump running. Yeah, just getting in and running. It clears the head,

just like this will clear our head. The mint and the cherries,

wonderful. A cherry garnish with a sprig of mint for perfume. That's a

real classic smash whisky, with fresh cherry in there. And cherry

but bon as well. What do you think? What do you know? Did you know

what? It's absolutely gorgeous but I would drink that in 12 seconds

flat, because it is so sweet it tastes like a fizzy drink. It is

amazing. Oh, wow! That's a real girl's drirk. You really like it,

Tim. It is like a sherb efforts. That's the lemon mixed with the

fresh cherries -- like a Cher Bert. That's the lemon mixed with the

fresh cherries. Lemon and sugar, runny00y. They used to make a form

of mea dfrpblgts It sounds dangerous. -- a form of mead. It

sounds dangerous. Green apple likor is like a Granny Smith and a shot-

and-a-half of wheated but bon for a different texture to it. This is

based on a sour but adding the apple liqueur and the honey.

But bon, I'm often asked what it is. It is how it's made, not where it

comes from. It is leaking all over the place. Thank for, that Wayne.

Don't waste it. How is it made then? They use different cereals,

corn predominantly plus a bit of rye and bar limit but bon can be

made anywhere in America but Kentucky has the rights to the name

but bon. What are you calling this you used to suck as a kid. That's

really good. Thank you so much. If you wants to make either of these

fris Kiwis I can cocktails the recipes are -- either of these fris

This is the Troubadors: The Rise of # They won't give us a chance

# It was just a dream # I wouldn't want to stay here

# It's too old and cold and settled in its ways here

# But California, California had me coming home. #

Joni Mitchell. I thought she was Shakespeare reincarnated. So many

of the people that would consider California music didn't come from

here. People like Joni Mitchell, who was Canadian, took an outside

look at what was going on in America and took her own particular

values and situations and put them into personal songs. I think it

really expanded the way people thought about writing. That was one

of the biggest contributions to the music at the time.

# California, oh, California # Had me coming home

# Make me feel good, rock 'n' roll band

# I'm your biggest fan # . We were living at Laurel Canyon

at her house. It was a wonderful time. Just great. We travelled a

lot. She sang beautifully and several songs of mine I played on

that album of hers. We had a great time. It was terrific. Too good to

Looks great, that. You can get down with the Troubadors on Friday at

9.00pm on BBC Four. Now it is time for our gadgets. What have we got

today? We've got some bikes, because of the Tour de France.

love the Tour de France. How did this happen! If you want to hold

hands through the sides, I know you hands through the sides, I know you

two are bosom buddies now. I'm going to be walking round as you

two pedal. Danny, do you like cycling? I've bought a bike but

it's being sent round soon. It was late-night Prime Minister. I have

had a glass of win. You bought one on-line? Isn't that how you buy

bikes? You've got the glittery bike and the ladies' helmet. I feel like

I'm in a spin class. This is by a Japanese designer. Lots of

attention to to deDale. There's a leopard print one which is sold out.

This is what the fashionistas are wearing. This one is �68. The one

you have that there is the emotion Are you secretly pretending to be

cool but there's a lot of competition going on here?

can't pretend to be cool wearing this ladies' hat. They've injected

a bit of macho there to counter balance the hat. Their �19.99 and

made of goatskin leather. Safety first, we've got reflective sashes

for you as well. Are you more of a sprinter or a hill rider? Have

you stopped? No, I'm a sprinter. I'm like Cavendish. These are

probably both a bit feminine because of the pink. I've never

really put a sash on before. This is a play on the Miss Board. This

one is the striped Zune but it comes in stars and candy cane. Tim

looks like he's about to go off raving. It is by a company called

Cycladeic. And we've got cuffs for tow wear. Am I being punked right

now. What's going on? It does feel Can I wear all this home? These are

reflective cuffs. This one is �14. The one Tim has is �19. I am not

having these. You look terrific. It's not very practical. I am not

having it. We have had hugging and hand holding and now... Pink

accessories. The gadgets now. Danny, I will let you model this one. This

is a HD helmet-cam. Pop it over your head. This is going to get

messy. It is. Which bit? This way is easier. Whilst you are putting

that on, we have footage that we filmed earlier. This is people

going through some traffic. This is what we actually filmed. There's

filming in the city there. You can see the picture you get. It's a

great lens on it. It comes with a durable shockproof and outerproof

casing. I am a respected author. Yeah, but you know, you have a fun

side. How much is that one? �299. Come on, I was told to keep going.

Have we got much time? We haven't. I am being rushed. Bike signals

here. It does what it says on the tin, well it should do. Hopefully

it will work. If you press that, there we go. A right signal. Talk

us through this one. This is kind of my favourite. This is the Veleau

hydration system. As you can see, the straw goes through there,

attached to the saddle, into your mouth. When you are finished if you

let go it has retractable cord which pulls it back into place.

you cycle backwards it provides a colonic. That's a handy feature!

Who won? Probably a draw. What! Thanks. If you want more

information on any of that bike stuff you can e-mail us and we will

get back with all the details. This is the big one, this is the last

time this series he will be stalking around and solving crimes

with instinct and intuition, this Good news is we found this laptop.

What's the bad news? We need to find a password, wait until you see

It will take weeks. It's not right, is it? How? Well, I mean, in order

for it to work you need the exact book. You get another edition.

this is all secondhand junk shop copies. How are you going to get an

Gideons bible, there's one of these in every hotel room in the country.

The key to breaking that code is in You can watch the final episode of

Luther on Tuesday at 9.00pm. Now Beverley is in the kitchen. Do you

cook, Beverley? I do. I kind of watched my mum and my dad, my late

dad, cooking in the kitchen and kind of copied them. Me and my

sister and my brother all did the same. Mostly west Indian. You are a

dab hand with the knife then. Will she need to get the chopping skills

out? I have always been surrounded by people who cooked, my dad and

mum, grandmothers and blah-blah- blah, if you are surrounded by it

it's not a big issue. It's weird when you hear people say I never

cook and you find out their parents didn't and you can see why. My mum

cooked, but I am still useless. don't believe you. You say that.

am getting better. What are we cooking today? Something that's

indulgeent, a fish finger buttie. Sounds posh. Sundays you get away

with something cheeky. Spring onions, smoked salmon and salmon.

You could use any finish you want, to be honest. Haddock would be a

nice combination. English mustard, mayo and capers. We will roll the

fish fingers in breadcrumbs and salmon. It's a fatty fish, salmon.

You want it as fine as you can get it. You could actually do this in a

food processer. You could put it in and whizz it up so it becomes like

a pate. But it's nice to hand chop it. It really is fishy fingers then.

It's definitely fishy fingers right now. It's just lovely, that thing

of chopping it all up. It's fish and breadcrumbs. You don't have

anywhere to go after this, tkefrly -- Beverley? Actually I am going to

a festival later to see Prince, so I better wash my hands. You are

going to see Prince, on a personal level? I am going to be hearing him

play with 50,000 others, so I am excited about that. On your new

album, what's your favourite track? What was the one that had to be on?

One of the first ones I recorded Fair Play and after that Southern

Freeze, I thought OK they've got to be on. These are songs I remember

and love from childhood. Certainly The Soul II Soul track, I remember

wishing I was old enough to go to the clubs and do my thing, but I

wasn't. We were talking about that earlier, 17 years you have been in

the industry, which is a lifetime in the music industry really. This

is your 7th album. That's right. you have a favourite so far, a baby

album? I don't. Every time that anybody asks me that it changes.

Who I am, I am really grateful for, I am proud of the songs and the

writing on that and that was the one that broke me out into the

wider mainstream. I don't know if any one of them is my baby, as such.

You love them all equally. I do, they're my children. Do you have a

favourite moment? You have had the moments with Prince, Stevie Wonder

moments, and what was this about Nelson Mandela, did you sing for

him? It was the most amazing thing that I was asked to sing for Nelson

Mandela. It was a tiny private dinner for his children's aids

foundation and I was asked along to sing. I stood up at the table and

just sang. Is that one of those moments you think back and think

this can't really be happening? really do. I think to myself just

this girl from Wolverhampton who had a big dream about having a

career in music and it came true. It came true in the most amazing

way. Grateful for every day. That's your favourite moment apart from

chopping salmon on Something For The Weekend. And trying desperately

to concentrate to get it right! have lots of salt and pepper in

there. It gets worse now in terms of fishy fingers. All of the salmon

goes in. Then, similar to the meatloaf before, we mix this

together. This is really only one way and that is physically do that.

You are almost using your hands then as a processer to mash it

together. I will do it for you, I am feeling generous. You don't want

to meet Prince later and him going she was nice when I met her, but

she's smellly, to be honest. Then you get a little bit of the fish

and you simply smash it into fish fingers. It's sticking together

because there's so much fat in the salmon. A bit of that. It doesn't

matter they're rough and lumpy, that's fine. You are not going to

do one now, I can sense it. I am going to do it. You don't have to,

I won't be 15ed. We really -- won't be offended. Into flour and egg.

They're delicate at this stage. We combine the breadcrumbs and polenta.

Once you coat them put them in the fridge so they set. At the moment

they're very soft. So in the frying pan they would fall apart. You have

avoided that, Beverley Knight. have to ask you this, you have got

a couple of pair of shoes at home, and we asked people to guess, they

guessed 200, 300. There is some of them, the camera didn't have a wide

enough Lens! How many shoes do you own? Drums, please. North of 450

pairs. That was some of the the boxes piling up paoeupbd the

clothes -- behind the clothes. much money would that cost over the

years? I don't even know, probably a deposit on the house. Quickly,

the sauce, because we are running out of time. These go into the

frying pan for 4-5 minutes. Sauce, we have capers and gherkins in

first of all, then add mayo, English mustard, then we add our

capers in there. We mix that around. We have salt, we have pepper. The

nice thing about having a little bit of mustard there you get this

nice colour. Amanda, could you do me a lovely flavour, bring out our

fishy fingers. To serve this we have bread, thick white sliced,

gorgeous bread, from magnificent northern bakeries. A couple of

fishy fingers sit in there like that. A little bit of rocket to

make it look like we are being posh. Bread on top. Finally, cut that

fella in half and we just about managed it. This is such a dish you

are going to eat, Beverley. Over to Tim and Danny for the Deja View

The headlines, music was KLF and the year was? 1991. We haven't a

lot of time left. People have been asking about your cult Join Me, if

it's still going and you have your country? People still join.

Beverley is now looking at me that I might be odd. It's good, people

do random acts of goodness on a Friday. December we do a big thing

where people get together and do random acts of kindness on the

streets. Excel Excellent. Thanks to Beverley and Danny. Next week we

have Denise van Outen and Simon Callow show and talking to the F F1