26/06/2011 Something for the Weekend


Live cooking, the best of the week's TV and celebrity chat. Louise and Simon are joined by Gethin Jones. Their guests are comedy actor Neil Morrissey and comedian Jon Richardson.

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It's 10 o'clock on Sunday 26th June. We were joined by the fantastic


Gethin Jones. Thanks Simon. We have top guests in the studio. We've got


the star of Skins, Waterloo Road and Men Behaving Badly, Neil


Morrissey. He is on his way. And we have comic Jon Richardson here. And


we'll do some cooking, review some gadgets and look at next week's


telly. This is Something for the Weekend.


Good morning. Welcome to Something for the Weekend, and welcome Gethin.


Alex Jones stood in for me the other day, so we thought it would


be nice to have the Joans dynasty on the show. They asked for Tom,


Kelly, and... Aled. Yes! It's lovely to be here. And I'm here


instead of Tim, who apparently is having a holiday in Glastonbury.


Tim is at Glastonbury. You always have that image that when it's


raining at Glastonbury Tim will be in the rain. But no, niece a posh


house, in a VIP area. I can't imagine Tim cheering and dancing.


He'll be miserable somewhere, and moaning. That's U2. I've watched a


wit of Glastonbury and the person I thought was fantastic was Jesse J.


They've got a great line-up at Glastonbury. They had trinchy


strider -- Tinchy Stryder. concert went very well I believe.


Will Tim be at the front moring? Apparently there are two farms.


9,000 people are sleeping on the farm and there's a posh farm


further down the road. He's definitely not on the farm. I know


where he is. He's there with a cup of tea watching us, chilling.


be watching now. Morning. Alright? Designer wellies? No, I don't think


so. Another festival at such this week is the Smurf fefrl. It is


National Smurf Week. I like the way you've pitched the tone of this,


Gethin, highbrow. It's a bit different. Up to 5,000 people all


over the world, 11 different cities, all getting together to celebrate


being a Smurf. Apparently the most amount of people turned up in


Dublin. I really liked the Smurfs as a little girl but you don't


remember then. I think I'm too old. Too old for the Smurfs? That's


terrible. On a similar vein, because 5,000 people dressed as


Smurfs, but you did a similar thing, the Joneses. What I did, I was part


of this world record for the most amount of people with the same


surname gathered under the same roof. 1,5 83 Joneses turned up to


break the record. It is quite a lot of Joneses in one room.


mentioned them a lot. They came from all over the world but mainly


from Wales. I would have thought the majority of them would have


been in Wales. We are surprised that normally something like this,


we are amazed that we forget to get Wayne dressed up as a Smurf.


Normally poor old Wayne Collins is the man who has to dress up. He


didn't run up. Run now, Wayne! We have top median Jon Richardson here


to talken about his stand-up tour and his obsessive personality. And


fill the fridge up with lager, as our other guest is Neil Morrissey


of Men Behaving Badly. He is on his way, apparently. We hope! If you


have a question, contact us through bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend,


or tweet us. Simon, what are we making today? Cheer me up. What


might be interesting if Neil doesn't make up will you be the


first person to present and be interviewed on the same show.


you trod stand in? I'm ready. have some questions lined up This


is a fix! I can't believe it. got Chinese pork and watermelon


salad, pork belly slowly cooked. There is watermelon and mooli, and


plum sauce. And a veggie main course, Moroccan parcels with an


aubergine stew. Aubergine, tomato and cumin. Chickpeas, sweet potato,


beautiful Moroccan spices. I love pastry. This is an old school


dessert. Chocolate swirl cake. It is quite springy in texture but


delicious. And then crab risotto cake with broad been puree. It is


crab, broad beens, lemon and garlic. When you know why I said yes to


coming on the show. It looks fantastic. All our recipes can be


found on the website - bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend.


Here is what else is happening on the show today.


You can sniff out this new series, it is Perfume. Ooooh. From Alfie to


Zulu, it's the many faces of Michael Caine. It is a fabulous


part to play. And the big man is on to the baddies again in Luther.


Eliminate him. All that to come, plus Sultan of


mixology Wayne Collins will be here, possibly dressed as a Smurf, warn?


If only I knew I would have made some blue drinks today. What are


you making? We are in the midst of a tins frenzy so I'll be making


cocktails. Thank you Papa Smurf. Simon, what are we doing? Pork


Simon, what are we doing? Pork belly and watermelon sad. We have


mooli, it is white radish, used in Chinese cooking. It is an unusual


flavour. On its own it's a bitter flavour, but with the watermelon


the sweetness combines. We have garlic and melon. With the pork


belly we've got sugar, cumin, salt. The dressing is plum saw, black


rice vinegar and yoghurt. First job. Don't look at me like that, Simon.


I like it, you have stkpot a bit of pressure on me. -- I like it,


you've got a bit of pressure on you. No pressure. The first job, Gethin,


is to score the skin. This is tough. What we are looking to do is get


the crackle. If you want good crackle on any joint of pork...


we have to cut this right the way through? It doesn't look good like


that, does it? Let's be honest. think it does. Oh, Simon, no. Do


you not No, it is awful. It is slightly, looks like a bit of leg.


Like a proper human leg. It is quite hairy. Missed a bit shaving.


I think it is a bit like myself, to be honest. Fat on the top and a bit


hairy on the belly. Maybe you're right, maybe it's not nice. But it


will look lovely cooked. If you are cooking pork, and crack sling what


everybody wants to get right. -- crackling is what everybody wants


to get right. Score it like this. I'm half-cutting it. Cut it so you


get through the hard skin. I can't believe the first job you've given


get yib is -- Gethin is trying to cut flesh! I thought this would be


a long job and Lou would crack on with something else, but you are


actually waiting for me. We are going to grate this. OK. Hold on


tight so it doesn't wobble and mover it backwards and forwards.


I've scored the belly. Finally! If you want good crackling on pork.


This is going to take me half an hour! Be more manly, Lou. First of


all we've got to have this as dry as possible. Then squeeze a load of


lemon on to here. How long die have to do this? I'm just enjoying


watching you mess that up. Squeeze the lemon on to there. Rub the


lemspwhoon that surface. This is tough! -- Rub the lemon into that


surface. This is tough! As we begin to cook it, the acid and the fact


will react together. Is that the way to make it crispy? Is that the


only way? No, if you've never had successful crackling, try it this


way. I've never had successful crackle until today. Rub loads of


salt into this. This is quite a nice smelling. Let me do a little


bit more. You are not a fan of cooking, are you? I've actually got


so much better since I've done this show. Yes, you have, Lou. I wasn't


sure if I had to join in that the point. I do season things now.


was a big thing when we started, that's true. So, you rub loads of


salt into there. Then you need to cut this into strips about that


kind of size. Lou, now you have done that, the next job for you -


let me wash my hands - is cut the cucumber down the middle length


ways and scoop out the seeds. Get the spoon and drag it down. We've


told Neil Morrissey to get here quickly for. This He needs to be


here to taste. And cut these into half moons, the thickness of a �1


coin. Do you cook, Gethin? No, I leave that to the other half. She's


brilliant at it. She is. She's been on here and she cooks well. She's


fantastic. I'm good at clearing up, washing up, but it is imagination I


struggle with. And the time to prepare. All of this stuff is


amazing. I would never think to put something like this together.


think it helps if you are a foodie, if you enjoy different foods. Then


I think you experiment more. Whereas if you are into cheese


sandwich... When it takes half an hour to make this, doesn't it take


you half an hour, whereas it would take me three hours to make it!


anyone who doesn't cook, the best way to start cooking is start with


a small number of dishes and learn to cook them really well. So if you


can cook curry, a spaghetti bolognese and then a piece of fish,


if you hone the recipes it will give you confidence. Then you can


sigh, I can do those four, so let's have another two. That's the way to


start cooking. Right on the flesh side we've got sugar, five spice,


ginger and salt. Mix that around. Turn it over. Gethin, the same as


you did with the lemon and salt, rub our spice mix into the flesh


side. Pressing it on. When that goes in, skin-side up into that


tray. What am I supposed to be doing? Are you exhausted? Always


the first cook, snoocts like having your children in the kitchen --


is like having your children in the kitchen! It is. In front of you,


Lou, you've got the plum sauce, the yoghurt and rice vinegar. Shall I


put it in? No! The plum sauce into there, with a quarter of that black


rice vinegar. If you can't get hold of black rice vinegar you can use


any vinegar, but I would suggest malt vinegar. A quarter of it there.


With all of that yoghurt, mix that around. Is that vinegar quite easy


to get? You can sometimes get it in the high street supermarkets these


days, but if you can't, malt vinegar is fine. I wouldn't use


balsamic, because it is too strong. Maybe a white wine vinegar or a red


wine vinegar or a sherry vinegar. It is hard to find a good balsamic.


It is really tough. I have balsamic vinegar on everything. We were on


holiday in soreent o -- Sorento and we brought some back from There


Sometimes we overuse balsamic vinegar. We will tend to use it as


a cure-all, with every deregulation and salad. Sometimes it can


overpower flavours. This the flavour would be wrong with our


oriental spice. This is our beautiful spicy pork. That goes


into the oven. Cover it. Cook for all of that fat. After two hours


take the cover off and pop it under the grill for three or four minutes


to crisp it up. The smell of this, Gethin... So grill it? It is not


essential, but have a whiff of that, young man. When I walked in this


morning it smeld like sausage garlic off with the pork. So this


is now lovely soft, delicious roast garlic.


That's a good idea. So put it in a half a clove and break it up?


just roast it. Now, Lou, put half of the dressing


into the bowl there. Giver it a mix around. Meanwhile, what we do with


our watermelon. That is going to be lovely and delicious and fresh


alongside this. Think of the flavours, the intense flavour with


the pork, then the light flavours with the vinegar in the salad, then


the final flavour is this lovely fruitiness, the freshness with the


watermelon and pork and melon is a lovely combination.


So, to serve this we layer this up. A little bit of that, there we go,


and then, we don't need loads of this. This is intense in flavour.


So we spoon on the cucumber, the spring onion and the mooli. We then


sit the little bits of pork on the side. Then you can taste the salad.


And springle it with sesame seeds which gives it crunch and flavour.


This is the sweet chilli sauce. So, the pork takes the tame. The


rest is simple? Yes, dead simple. Gethin, take a little bit of this


lovely delicious pork. The melon make it is sweet. That is


lovely. You get the really lovely sweet and


sour thing going on. Gethin? It is like a healthy Chinese? Yeah,


that's good. Delicious. Amazing how it comes


together so quickly. Now, that's the starter, what are for the


mains? A Moroccan parcels with aubergine, Lou and I! All of the


recipes can be found on the website:


Time now for a new series about the characters that work in the multi-


billion pound perfume industry, we billion pound perfume industry, we


meet Chandler Beurrgh. Chandler writes at home, inundated


by a fragrant tsunami. This is the delivery, there is a


lot of it. This is eve saint Lauren. This is


Bliss. Yeah! This is Love.


Now... No! The Love is juicy fruit gum.


OK, this is sort of Lord of the Rings. It looks like somebody would


throw this at you. Oh! Doesn't disappoint! Oh, my God! This is


great. Oh, hang on one second. Hey, how u


are you? -- hey, how are you? Another one. Did you combi jerd?


Thank you. -- did you come here yesterday? Thank you. This is Bliss,


this is the Marc Jacobs. I'm going to do this here. This is


interesting. This, this is a fruit.


And if you like the smell of that, you can catch a waft of Perfume on


Tuesday at 9.00pm on BBC Four. The first guest is probably best known


for playing the hapless Tony in Men Behaving Badly and starring in


Waterloo Road and Skins, but the first big break on British TV was


Rocky alongside Michael Elphick in Boon.


Hi, Rocky. Dare I ask, how are you? Oh, Ken, I had to do it, man. I


didn't want to, but they made me an offer I could not refuse.


What are you talking about? It is Texas Ranger, we sold it.


You are joking, what happened? Things started to get really tight.


I had to drop me prices every week. I did it all myself. Jed made me an


offer. Was it a good offer? Yeah. You made


a profit? Well... You made a loss? No. No. I broke even.


He has never looked back. Welcome to Something For The Weekend, it is


Neil Morrissey. Hello, baby face.


That was a long time ago. We have had a tweet: Neil, did you


get to keep the leather jacket from Boon? No, I didn't. I really wanted


that jacket. It would have been vintage now?


Totally! It has all of the metal studs on the back, if was practical


for a biker with that. Somebody must have that jacket.


Yeah! Let's get that jacket back. Start off a petition. So, Men


Behaving Badly, a huge show, an iconic show, did you have as much


fun making it as we did watching it? It was a complete hoot. I can


see in every scene where we are trying to hold back the lafters


amongst ourselves, it what -- the laughter amongst ourselfs.


Did you play with the script? we were tight with the script.


Great writing made the show su Peterborough -- superb. We rarely


went off piste. Which is bizarre, when people watch


the show, we really think that you were drunk. Did it happen? No. No.


You can't do it. There are seven cameras knocking about.


There are 600 people in the audience and seven cameras.


Of course, you had an audience. We forget that watching it at home.


How many years did it go on for? think we did seven series plus a


Christmas special. You won BAFTAs, TV awards, so many.


So many, darling! It was a real roller-coaster of a time. It was


fantastic. We hit the era right. Would it come back? I'm sure that a


lot of people, there have been a few tweets from people asking to


see it again. Tweeting all the time.


It didn't happen in Boon's day. There were only three channels


then! There is no reason it could not come back. Everybody is around.


Everybody is working, obviously Martin, there is no reason for it


not to come back? No reason whatsoever. I would love to see


what is going on in their lives. In the final episode, Martin and


Carolyn's characters had a baby called Kylie, of course. Kylie


would be 14 now. That would be great.


On another side to your character, at the beginning of the year, we


had an insight into the real you. You did something very serious when


you did Care Home Kids, the dumentary. Why did you want to do


that? The BBC, they came to talk to me about an idea about doing


something like this. Once it was brought up, there was, I realised


in myself there was a whole part of my life, a whole chunk of my life


that I had scant memories of. That was the time from when I was ten


years old until I was 17. Most people have family albums to give


you your life story. But I had no record of my life at


all, apart from what was just in here. I wanted to go back and find


out what it was, why I was in care. What happened while I was there.


You spend so much time running away from it when you get old enough,


you don't always realise what was going on at the time. So apart from


the fact I wanted to know what was going on with the system, but I


wanted to know what was going on with my life at the time. It was


really cathartic to find old friends, social workers, get the


documentation, from the police, the social services -- services, from


the schools. To put together a picture of what was.


Is that why you became an ambassador for Barnardo's? You


could empathise with what was going on? Absolutely. There are a lot of


charities designed to help people who have been in care, Barnardo's


is one of those. The point behind the campaign is to raise �100,000


via the website. It is a Facebook website, called Keep Britain


Smiling. Once we have 1 million smiles, that trance laets einto


�100,000 for Barnardo's, that is unbelievable -- translates.


Do you think, Neil, that pushed you on to being a successful actor in


this industry? The fact that you were in care as well, it was


unique? Did you create the opportunity to be fostered so that


you could go to University? When I look back on my earlier life, how


focused I was on getting into acting, in all of the local youth


drama, everything that I used to do, it took up all of my time. It was


this job, that is what it was. There was a balance of nature,


nurture. I was very, very determined. I don't think that


being in care should hold anyone back, but I will not say that it


made me want to do more, perhaps it did, perhaps not.


We have not got than far with my anist yet! It has -- With my


analyst yet. Well, it has definitely given you


lots of work. You are unstoppable at the moment, you are doing a


movie? I am working with Ray Rooney. I'm in a movie with Danny Dyer, and


doing a run of the West End production of Oliver!.


That is singing and dancing, we know you can sing.


I have had three number ones. More than Morrissey the singer! Go on!


Go on! BOB THE BUILDER. # Bob the builder. # We were top


the -- of the charts. We sold 1.million coppice of that. We


knocked Sir Empey off the charts and we prevented west life from


breaking a The Eagles record, it was set seven times in a row, sorry


the Beetles, record. It would have been broken were it not for Bob The


Builder. But it is not popular in Japan?


Japan, Bob has four fingers, they thought that Bob must be a gangster


as the Yakuza, the big Japanese gangsters they chop off a finger to


prove their loyalty. So I think that they had to put in an extra


finger. So it was OK, then? Yes.


Neil, thank you for coming in and hanging around, you are doing some


cooking later? Yes. If you want to ask us a question,


just send us an e-mail at: Now, it is time for Deja Vu.


# Baggy trousers # Dirty shirts


# Teacher comes to break us up # Hit us over the head with a


plastic cup # Oh, what fun we had. # Nigel


Short has been concentrating on chess since he was five. He cleared


the way to becoming the international chess master... The


West Ham team confounded the experts with their win. Only in


this part of East London where they econvinced that thinker team would


bring back the cup for the second You're wearing make-up! I'm sorry,


sorry, I have run out of cold cream. Put in a requisition, Sergeant


Major. I has already put in a requisitioner, Sir - for hand


grenades. Well put in the cold cream. And we could do with more


powder puffs, please. Baggy Trousers stayed in the charts for


20 weeks but which year was it. Simon? I get worse at this. I get


confuse. We were using all your years up. This is the late '70s or


early '80. I would have said middle to late '80s. Am I miles out?


can't help you. I reckon, I'm going for '87. I'm going '79. We are like


nearly a decade apart. I know! In our life as well. Can I just say, I


noticed when we came back to you, normally when Tim and I are here I


look at him in the monitor and he looks washed out and you are not!


It is because I've got a lot of make-up on. So have I! Now your


goodies. Kirsty from south Ayrshire made this for her husband, with the


made this for her husband, with the Fonz T-shirt. Good work. This is


Steve from the Netherlands. He made the bruebry coffee cake. He lives -


- bruebry coffee cake. He lives in the Netherlands with his while. The


catwalked off. In looks home-made, countryish. A good observation.


Another Fonz pose and good smile. This was baked by her sister,


Kelsey, 21. She's just finished her history degree at Lancaster


University. She live on the Isle of Man. This one, Sue reed in


Westchester in the United States of America sent this is. That's their


pet snake. That isn't her. Who is in the picture is her son, Henry.


This, ladies and gentlemen, is Lisa, their au pair from Sweden. Anyone


else want to send us their pictures of their au pair from Sweden, feel


free. Don't anyone take imup on that. Do! Contact us via


bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend. It is the same whether you are in


Sweden or the UK. I'm movering closer to you. Are you, darling? I


like that. Simon, what am I making? A Moroccan spiced parcel. I'm


serving it with an aubergine stew. Parsley, aubergine, cumin, tomato


puree, fresh tomatoes and garlic. That you will love, because it is


simple to make. Delicious flavours. Puff pastry from the fridge. Mint,


parsley, honey, chickpeas, toasted flaked almonds, dried apricots,


salt, paprika, turmeric, cumin and chilli flaifpblgts spinach, sweet


wheat -- chilli flakes. Spinach, sweet potato cubed. In reality all


of these have come out of packets or tins. You just need to write a


list when going to the shop. Yes, need a list for this kind of


cooking. I like lists full stop. you have all these things in your


kitchen anyway? Pretty much. reckon I have onions and tomatoes.


That's pretty much it. We'll do a store cupboard of essentials for


you. But coming back to this, these are things you don't need to cook.


Just buy. All we've done in terms of the cooking of this is we've


peeled and cubed a sweet potato, put into it boiled water for two


minutes. The onion is cooked for five minutes until it is


caramelised. First job, Lou, cut those into quarters. I will chop


the spinach and the herbs and spices. Then chuck it all in. If


you imagine all the flavours in a tagine, that's the kind of flavour


you are looking for. When you were veggie you really rely on good,


strong flavours. You don't get the chew element in food. It's a really


big thing. One of the things always, particularly if veggies are cooking


for meat eaters, the textural thing is a massive thing. As meat eaters,


what everyone craves that bit of texture that resistance. A burg ser


a good example. We love the -- a bigger is a good chal. We love the


chewiness. Mix it round, with a pinch more salt in there as well.


Have you had a good week, Simon? You know, I have had quite a good


week. I've been bizy, as I always am. He a day in London doing pretty


much nothing on Friday. I came down with Ali, my wife, with the kids,


and we did nothing. But treat her? Always treat her. You are such a


romantic, Simon. Mix all of that together. She didn't want to go


shopping, which was good. So you were happy with that. That meant


you doesn't to buy her anything. don't mind that, but I get bored


shopping, do you know what I mean? Have you bought your shoes this


week? LAUGHTER No, I haven't. Can I clear something up. I don't shop


very often. I shop sometimes as a necessity for work, but when I'm at


home I do did school run. I wear jeans and trainers every day, or


some days. Simon, don't make me feel guilty. I have enough of that


at home. It was a purely, "What have we done this week?" I didn't


have a shop. I did have a shop, I'm not going to lie. He a quick whizz


around. Anything nice? You can always find something nice. Do you


always buy something when you go out? Do you feel it a necessity?


That's where men and women differ. I work hard for my money, so I


don't waste it. I sometimes waste it. If I want to shop for clothes I


will look, but if I don't find what I want I will walk away. Don't you


think men just grab anything, like, "That will do." I don't think I


ever do, that Lou. I see something but then I check everywhere else


and always go back to the first one. Yeah, yeah. Now, we've got all


those lovely flavours in there. Gorgeous. To make this into our


parcel. You just had a really girly chat without Tim being here. This


is normally the football section and I've made you talk about


shopping. I quite like girly stuff. I quite like girly stuff. I quite


like girly shopping. The only thing I'm finding now is that Flo, my


girl who is 13, going out with Ali and Flo is a nightmare. Flo will


see something the first shop, we'll go to all the other shops, then


come back. Now, get a handful of this. Get it so it fills the palm


of your hand. And thefpb what you do, with the other hand, cup it --


and then what you do, with the other hand, cup into it a ball. You


can be quite rough with it. We want it to hold together. The thing with


the onions in this, they will give at this time moisture. We've got


quite dry ingredients. You always get an inchy nose when you can't


itch. Always. On that note, shall I put these there? To wrap it up, go


across the middle. Be quite tight with it. If we were to wrap it up


now you would end up with too much pastry and have a soggy bottom.


Trim it back on both sides. Then we cut until you have a point. That


means that you end one too much pastey. Don't get me wrong, I love


a bit of pastry but you don't want it soggy. And we do the same thing


we just did. Fold that bit back. The same on that side. It is


important that we get this into a point. This is great. And then we


roll it round until it is a tight ball. It is quite important thaw


work it quite hard. You want it to be really lovely and round. Mine's


not covering properly. That's alright. Why has mine gone dirty? I


didn't rinse my hands first. This is good. It's the same as mine. Get


it in your hand... We are out of time and we haven't done the


aubergine bit. The aubergine bit - quickly. Loads of egg wash on that


and get it into the oven. How have we managed to run out of time? We


are not even half done! You cut the aubergines into slices, then strips,


we fry them in plenty of oil. taking notes. They will become


crispy. Once they've become crispy, we've added tomato puree cooked for


7 or 8 minutes, cumin, cooked for 7 or 8 minutes. Slice the garlic.


Luckily all the recipes are on the website. Cook it lowly and we end


up with. This this is a delicious slow-cooked aubergine stew. This is


genuinely worth doing. It is beautiful. What we end up with is


our little parcel. Gorgeous. That smells delicious. All these lovely


Moroccan flavours. To serve we have a spoonful of this. You can also


put this sauce with other things couldn't you? This is great. On its


own, or as a tapas dish, or with beef. A lovely slick item. We don't


do slick. I loved the way you handled your aubergine balls there.


Second to none. That BBC Prime Time programme for lour and I is just a


couple of weeks away! The first thing he did when he arrived at the


studio was to run to the pork. love it. For pudding we are doing a


chocolate, swirly berry cake. An old-school cake. Hmm. If you fancy


that, it will be on the website - bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend.


Alongside all of today's recipes. Or e-mail in or tweet any questions


for Jon and Neil to Quite a lot of people know he was


born as Morris, Joseph Mikel white. A lot of things you don't know is


in this documentary about his career. It's the many faces of


Michael Caine. I only told you to run the tape... Exactly.


First and foremost is to work with Houston. I've always ban great


admirer of his. Also of course the part is marvellous. It's a fabulous


part to play. It's the type of film I wanted to be It is the type of


film we should be making, instead of competing with Kojak, which


people can see for nothing. You've got to make, this is what I call a


movie movie. How was it, Eric? Not very good. How was it for you.


Perfect all the way through. Once more, please.


It was shot no good then? The mules didn't go over the side. Not a


thing happens with the mules. turned around to shoot, we come in,


we lev them and the camera leaves us and it looks like we are


shooting them. Do you want us to come back up through them again?


think so. On the other one everyone got by and turn last two. You can


see the many faces of Michael Caine tonight at 707pm on BBC 2.


Our next guest is described as the grumpy young man of come difficult.


He's become the one of the hottest The best teacher I had was a


technology teacher. What he would do, he would put a speech


impediment on. Not a big one.but sometimes at the end of a sentence


he would make a little noise. We would be sitting, and he would say,


"Don't forget Lodz, do a little dove-tail and add on some PVA


glue... Hmm" It is genius for a teacher, we were listening out for


it, learning stuff! As a reward, he would do a big one at Christmas,


"Don't forget lads, that will be on the exam... Hmm!" Welcome Jon


Richardson! Do you like watching yourself?


was horrible. You were sitting there squirming,


but it is good. There are lots of people around,


they are trained not to laugh. Some people say you are gumpy, but


I think more honest, where does the reputation come from? I think of


myself as grumpy. I don't like going on tour and seeing people


talk about how great they eare. You want to go and have a moon! I think


that. You have to think that you are not the only person that gets


the hump over certain things? When you start telling people, you


can see the people nodding and nudging partners, saying you do


that. What gets you annoyed? Generally


everything. Getting the paper. I have moved from Swindon to London.


That could give you the hump! Traffic, craziness! Fashion, people


wearing clothes! He is going to start.


I'm feeling slightly nervous, I could say the wrong thing easily to


you. You will be fine.


When you are doing stand-up, you bring a lot of personal elements on


r on to the stage. Do you not think you are giving too much away?


Sometimes I think that I do, but that's what I enjoy. I have not don


anything that exceptional in my life. I have not been in a war. So


I can be honest about what I think about a girlfriend or a trip on a


train. That for me, it is about someone sharing a lot and making it


fun. -- funny. The whole OCD thing, being


particular. That is very personalal? I do think when I was


reading everything, I thought that I do so many of the same things?


Are you OCD? Slightly, maybe. Are you really OCD? I generally


think that everyone in the world is. You get more and more so. When you


are bombarded with news. The only way to cope with reading about wars


is to tidy your desk. You think you cannot fix, that but you can keep


the drawers tidy. Do you enjoy it? It is one thing


for comedians, they do a lot on tour, it is such a lot of work?


is, but it is not so bad. You have to remember the jokes, all


of that must be hard? Once you get the first laugh, you are OK.


How-do you keep it fresh? I talk to the audiences each night, I try to


talk about something that happened that day.


You have written a book, it is called its its -- its its! Is that


basically what you look for in a woman? There is -- It's Not Me Its


You Impossible Perfectionist Seeks Very, Very Tidy Woman, is that


basically what you look for in a woman? Well, I think I need someone


as tidy and as freaky as me, but there could be some awkward moments,


but equally I could not live with someone who is filthy.


If you meet your ideal woman, all of this will have to change, you


will have to settle down, family? know, but people think I'm


maintaining misery in my life so I have something to talk about, but


some day I will hopefully settle down.


What is it about the business kit? Well, there is a certain way to eat


a business kit. Can you show us, see, I'll do


anything to eat a business kit. Show us.


What's the best way to eat a business kit? It is very important


a thing to know on a Sunday morning. Most normal people split the


middle? You are shaking you head, why wouldn't you split the middle?


Yeah, of course! You have gone for that bit first.


You have to save the creamy bit. That is headlining.


That is tedious. That is logistics, get rid of that, that is excess


packaging. Then nibble around that. Horny telly huh?! You know what,


that would get on my nerves if someone ate a business kit like


that This is talent, I can see why you


have been chosen as the new captain on 8 Out of 10 Cats! Let's have a


look at you in action on the first show.


You are team captain, this is your first show.


It is not nice to hear that in a woman's voice, "This is your first


go, isn't it sn?", I think that they will go brainy. B I think


beautiful. Let's have a look and see what the


audience would rather be, beautiful or brainy? It is brainy! 65%!


not sure, what would you prefer, beautiful or brainy? It is one of


those things that people are not honest about. People said brainy as


they don't want to admit... That they are shallow.


You can be beautiful and thick, I would not mind! It is a great show.


You must be really pleased to be the captain? It is great. I get to


do amazing jokes with Sean Locke and Jimmy Carr.


Well, stick around. You are helping with us the gadgets, do you like


gadgets? I buy them then file them in the cupboard.


Well this could be a disaster! Lucy? We have a modern yet retro


fantastic camera a Wi-Fi memory card and a Cabinet for your iPad.


There you go, you don't want to file them, you want to play with


emthis. The arcade one sounds great.


OK, Jon will be cooking later on with Lou and Simon.


There is more with Neil as well, go to the website or tweet us at: Here


is what else is still to come on the show.


Luther is hoping to get lucky in a motiveless crime.


I never felt like tagging. Simon's final food is crab risotto


cakes with broad bean puree. And plfplt T looks at more of the


world's crazyest fools. He can't even stand up! -- Mr T.


All of that still to come, now, Neil is joining us in the kitchen


for more cooking. Your cooking is pretty good, isn't it? Well, I cook


a lot. I've not killed anyone yet. Would you be cooking Sunday lunch?


Yes, most times. This is the time I'm up in the market finding out


what is fresh there. That is one of your favourite


things to hear, fresh ingredients? Yes, you are one of these people


that people may think don't cook, because of the whole Men Behaving


Badly and drinking lager? Yes, but I never was lager drinker.


Let's get this started! Well, this is a very 70s in feel. In texture.


It is kind of shop bought. This does this, it has a cloying


This does this, it has a cloying nature, but it is a very tasty cake.


So, what we have is a lot of fruit. This is what lifts the cake. It is


great time for the berries. We have raps better is,


strawberries and blueberry. We have vanilla, flour, Coke powder and


pink food colouring. So, Neil, tip that up and get


whisking. Is that the button? That is the


fella! Fun. Aisle atry not to get it over me shirt.


We have been talking about beer- making, which is your primary love


these days? A few people have been asking, what are you doing with the


beer? The beers are going. You can get it from a big supermarket, it


is in about 1,000 pubs around the country.


How is that? Keep going. What is in it? Vanilla. You can


smell it. It is a spice, but it goes great in the sweet things.


You should put vanilla essence in the warm oven and it smells like


freshly baked bread. So, then what we do is sift in the


flour into there. Then fold that in with the spatula.


No worries. If you have questions for Neil let


us know. Tweet us or get on to the website.


We are happy to ask any question you like.


Whetherever you like! I did a show last year, I was tauring, --


touring, I allowed the audience to ask me anything they wanted, boy,


did they. It was called Celebrity Stripped.


Someone was asking me about what kind of underwear I had on. Really,


what was his name? She was keen to point out, she gave me choices, do


I wear boxer shorts or a pouch or a thong. Really? Before I was able to


answer, she shouted, "Because I don't wear any" Was she Welsh?


she was a Scouser! I'm not surprised. We like to get in there


and be friendly! So, you are folding that through. What you are


doing there, it is tricky, but it is slippy. It is working it until


it comes together. With out breaking up the air.


You will lose a little bit, but as a result of this, it will be a


light, springy cake. We are not using the yokes it is just the


whites that are in there. Wow! Now, put a third in there, a


third in there and leave a third in your bowl.


Have you done this before? Brand new, never done anything like this


before. Do you enjoy this kind of a


challenge? I love it. I love doing this, sitting with a book, then


doing something new and being taught.


Now, put the Coke powder in one... -- cocoa powder in one... Then the


pink colours in there and the other stays plain. So we have the three


colours going on there. You don't want to mess with it, do


you want it marbled? Well, that one we want as a solid colour. The


marbling will happen when we put it all together. The colour is


important in this. It could be that whilst it bleeds, you could puree


the raps berries. That is lovely.


Neil, you are the cook in the house, you like cooking, what are you


going to do on tour? What I do on tour, I'm in Cardiff for six weeks,


Manchester for six weeks, I get a house, with a proper kitchen. That


is part of my remit. I love that, diva! I would rather


go out, get into the markets and cook. That is what I love. I don't


go out. Basically, what we do now, Neil,


all you do have -- is have a spoonful of that, that and that.


Put it all in. Rather than having it layered it will be like a


Neaepolitan ice-cream. It does not matter if there is more colour than


the other. It is really just getting it all to


be nice and simp. Lovely.


You are not doing the whole Oliver! Thing, are you? You are playing


Fagin in Oliver!? I play Fagin, the first 16 weeks, that is Cardiff,


Manchester and Birmingham. Then Mr Brian Connolly takes over, then I


go back into it in November. I do a bit of Leeds, Bristol and maybe


Dublin. So I am signed up to do 30 weeks. So lots of chances to see us.


It must be a different discipline to everything else you have done.


The whole singing and dancing, it is, as you know, the difference


between television and theatre is paramount. It is a different


discipline. Basically your rehearsal period isn't necessarily


to get your words right, it is to condition you to be able to do it


eight time as week. It is relentless. Two-and-a-half hours of


aerobics a night. A tweet here saying can someone tell Neil about


the cream he's got on his lip? that there Louise! Sorry, Lou. Bang


this down so it is nice and level and into the oven. Is this is


called a bunt tin, it is an old- style tin, but you don't have to


use one of these. It is very retro in the way that it looks. When it


comes out, you can see just by dolloping it in you get the three


strict colours. The cocoa depose darker and then the pink goes


brighter. The egg white goes yellow. To serve this, tip this fella out.


And then we all throw our keys into the bowl... Exactly. We fill the


mid whole a big load of fruit. Beauty! And it's the time of year


for berries as well, isn't it? and because it was such a wet April,


we've got glorious British soft fruits. A dusting of icing sugar. I


had better cut pieces. Jon, that's been cleaned and washed three times.


But you've tuched it now. Sorry. Are awe bit weird like that?


wouldn't say weird. LAUGHTER A bit of fruit. Jon, for you. He did


breathe over that. Neil, that's for you. That looks amazing, Simon.


is clever isn't it? See the texture, it feels like a weird shop-bought


cake. It is so light, full of air, as a friend of mine would say.


Gethin, you and I don't get a chance. Thank you Neil, a great job.


Coming up, Simon's final dish plus we'll be tasting some of Wayne's


great cocktails. I love cake. Before we have those, we are all


drinking in Deja View's last chance saloon. All we need is the year of


these events and this episode of these events and this episode of


the classic, It Ain't Half Hot Mum. # Baggy trousers dirty shirts


# Back of the head with a plastic # Oh what fun we had


# But all I learnt at school was The West Ham team confounded the


experts and the bookmakers with their 1 nil win. Only in this part


of East London were they convinced that their team would bring back


the cup for the second time in five years.


# Baggy trousers # Baggy trousers #


This is serious, we might get killed. Pull the plug out of the


landing craft, put sugar in their petrol tank. Anything. I don't want


to die! LAUGHTER I'm only a boy! That was Deja View. Lots of clues


but what it was year? Come on, guys. I was guessing it was 1985.


miles out. I'm pretty confident it was 1981. I was just leaving


primary school. I said 1987. I was miles out. We shall find out later.


Now it is cocktail time. Wayne, what are we doing? I've been


looking forward to this. I gauch on a Sunday and think -- I watch this


on a Sunday and am so jealous that you were drinking cocktails at this


time of the morning. Was it is Wimbledon time, we always do


strawberries and cream, something like this, but this is different.


bruising a piece of basil. They enjoy champagne and cocktails at


SW19. I think it is 200,000 glasses of Pimm's and cocktails last year.


Like a fruit cup, this is what it is based on. Sunshine and a summery


cocktail, it just finishes the day off. Or starts the day. They drink


gallons of champagne. Three nice measures of cognac. We don't muck


about on this show - three measures! Strawberry liqueur. This


is so simple this, drink. Do you have to be careful with the measure


insist I've gone for... This will serve four people. Three measures


of cognac and strawberry liqueur. Lemon juice, a shot of sugar syrup.


It is just sugar and water. You could use normal sugar. Stir it to


bring together the flavour of the basil and the strawberries, which


is such a brilliant combination. There's my ingredients. Top it with


lemonade. You could use champagne if you really wanted to make it...


Potent. Or adventurous. Is this a take on a summery barbecue?


showing how simple it is. It is based on a fruit cup. It is simple


to make. A combination of spirits, liqueur. That's the thing about a


cocktail. There's a lot of faff, I'm not going to bother. But it is


so worth it. Can I try this? Gethin's not hanging around. I was


going to give you that one. I've seen how much you've put in there.


I won't be able to do the rest of the show! Sometimes I spill it.


is so simple but really delicious. Neil is dying to come in and have a


try. We'll keep you some, honest. I'm salivating here. Can I keep


this with me for the rest of the show? Jon wouldn't share my glass,


but I know you will. That is really summer isn't it? This one will be


even more fantastic. I'm so looking forward to this. This is my


favourite bit of the show. turned up today to eat and drink.


Irks I'm late and hungry, all my family have gone away. I need food.


There is half a gal lon of tequila! Elderflower cordial, a double


measure of gin and apple juice. This is called a gin garden. It's


the summery fragrance of the cucumber. That's more Top Gun,


that's what I wanted to see. Do you want the elbow? APPLAUSE Slick!


learned that one in Hong Kong. Chopped cucumber, crushed down to


release its flavour. It is like a melon characteristic, fragrant,


really fresh. A double measure of gin, a shot of apple juice and


elderflower cordial. That's it, a gin garden. Seeing as you gate-


crashed our cocktail bit... smells really fresh. It want the


fresh cucumber character. That's fantastic. If you are not a gin


drinker it wouldn't put you off. It is disguysed. Wonderfully put


together, as all good cocktails should be - it is well balanced.


That's just easy isn't it? Have a slug of that? You can crack on for


a while. If you want to make the elderflower or SW19 cocktails go,


to our website - bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend. I


bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend. I recommend you get on. This is the


one and only Luther. What have we got? There are one or


two psychos on the estate, namely one Ryan hay field. Do we like him?


He is unemployed, long history of mental illness, a history of right-


wing groups,s with his mum. definitely not. Eliminate him. What


have you stkpwhot I checked the local gang insignia. Any joy?


Completely joyless. I never felt like tagging to me. Why put it on a


roof, where no-one can see it. don't think it is a compass? I


looked at a lot of fantasy fiction and I think it is the bedlam axis.


What's the bedlam axis when it is at home? It is used a lot like the


RPG in role-playing games. The aerogoes upwards indicates


predictability and law and order, the air other going across


indicates unpredictability, chaos. Let me see the CCTV footage of him


kneeling down. I think he is tying up his shoelace. I think he is -- I


You can dice with the penultimate Luther on Tuesday at 9.00pm on BBC


One and BBC 13HD if you want it a little bit scarier. Now it's time


to look at some things for the weekend with our gadget expert


Lucie. Lovely to meet you. And to meet you. It hasn't been hugely


exciting this weekend but ark os have released a tablet operating is.


Son tick hedgehog is 20 years old - - sonic the hedgehog is 20 years


old. And galaxy have a new tablet. What have you got for us today?


First of all let's start with the Fuji film X100. This is where you


come in, Jon. That's not cutting edge, that, is it? That's what


people think. It has retro styling but it is packed with the latest


high-end up to date digital technology. You can control


exposure. Shutter speed, the ISO, the image sensitivity to light.


Have a feel and tell me what you think. I'm always happy to have a


feel. Take a picture. Say cheese. Why would you want a camera that


looked naff but wasn't? It is not naff. It is quite technical? It's


got a lot of manual operation, the compensation shutter speed. You've


got control over the shots. If you want to underexpose, overexpose.


zoom? No zoom. If there's a fat kid falling off a swing, can I really


get there? No, you have to run up and take the picture. I'm not going


to listen to what you are saying. How much is this? �1,000. �1,000


and no zoom! Can you respray it? are not convinced on that one. Now


the second one. What we've got here is the Eye-Fi. The memory card is


for your camera which turns any camera into a wireless device. You


can take a snap and send it to your PC. I'm already on there! That's


the photo you've taken. The blue steel. It looks like I've done


something wrong. When you are transferring the picture but need


to keep the PC on. This will be good for your tour. Iee see a lot,


driving to gigs, sometimesly see a bird and thing would be nais but I


go to Burger King and I forget. don't need your laptop with you at


all times. If off it will send your photos the Eye-Fi serve err. Next


time you turn your lap on the on it will transfer them to your laptop.


What's the cost of this one? for the 4 gigabit model. And if


last gadgets. You might like this There is an iPad in there! Yes, pop


it in the top. You are free eit play games, but not every game.


This is more of an Ataari fit. Have a go.


Look at the hurdles! It is sturdy if you want to do quick button


bashing. I think I have broken it! It is odd,


it is taking this theme that is modern and cool What I love about


this, it started off as an April Fool's joke. The company behind it


then decided to manufacture it and sell it. It will set you back �100.


So this is really just a bit of fun, really? It is loads of fun, Jon,


how much fun is this? You can tell, I have ignored you for the last


three minutes. With this, you get access to 100


titles, that are snonmousz with old-school gaming.


-- synonymous. I could easily play with that. That


is cool. The camera is obviously very cool. It is not a bad


composition. There is a lot of manual control.


You have to know what you are doing. Lueszy, thank you for your time.


Brilliant stuff. You can get more information, e-


mail us at: Now, then, Mr T does not mince his words when it comes


to fools. There are loads in this show, this is The World's Crazyest


Fools. If you like to drink, sometimes it


is hard to know when to stop. The correct answer is about ten before


any of these guiltys. Take a look at. This


-- guys. This lady has been pulled over for


erattic driving, the police officer let's her off with a caution.


Caution?! You think that she deserve as caution, you ain't seen


what she is capable of. Take a look Danger! Danger! What a fool! Look


at this drunk fool. He's been arrested and brought to the police


station for questioning. Guess what? It's another loser been


driving drunk. Let's see if he can walk a straight line.


Hold on to the tape for me real tight. Set it on the ground in


front of you. Oh! Wow! He can't even stand up!


You know you're drunk when the ground walks up to you and punches


you in the face! You are all safe, I'm not going to tell my Mr T joke


again. I've worn it out! Do it! you can watch more of that on


Monday at 10.30pm on BBC Three. Now, Jon Richardson is in the kitchen


with us. How are you? I'm OK, but I felt I was rubbish at that, all of


the games and the camera. I like this, the flour.


As a former chef? A A current chef, I should say.


Well, I think that I'm better at the comedy.


But the ambition to have a bistro? I have the ambition to get a little


place, so I can get drunk with the dog.


The thing is that the Lake District is the place to do it. That area


has the most diverse agriculture in Western Europe, just so you know.


It is obviously why I have done it! Not just to have a beer up in the


mountains! Of course it is a fact! What we are going to do is crab


risotto cakes with broad bean puree. We are making it with broad beans


and that is lemon, thyme, garlic, beautiful broad beans and olive oil.


For the risotto cakes we have crab meat, white and dark so you get


lots of flavour. Siems with the white meat you are -- sometimes


with the white meat you are semping for the flavour.


for the flavour. -- searching. Then we have the rice,


the lime and tarragon. Jon if you want to start, have a


chop of that and that. Just get on with the chopping,


basically. For the risotto, what we are going


to do, the baufbg rules for a risotto. First off, melt a little


bit of butter in the pan. If you are using onions cook them


off at this point. Once the butter has melted and it


begins to foam, we chuck in the rice like that.


Make sure that all of the grains of rice are coated with the butter or


the oil if you are using that, it does not have to be butter. Once


that happens, quickly, the rice becomes pale. What we are looking


for is the husk of the rice to crack.


Risotto is a timely thing if you get it wrong? Yes. Do you do


risotto? I do, but they are a bit filling. It takes about four hours


to make it, then I eat a spoonful. Here, you can see the edge much the


rice is becoming trance Lucent. Let's assume that has happened.


Then what you do is add a ladel full of warm stock. That is the key


if you add cold stock you slow down the cooking process.


When at that is absorbed, get in another spoonful.


Look at that chopping. That's proper chopping.


Yeah. All of that now goes in there.


Before you add the stock, a little bit of white wine, but that is not


eshen shall. -- eshen shall. Then we add lime zest -- essential.


Then we keep cooking that out, keep adding the stock until it becomes


nice and soft and beautiful. OK, that is now the hard work done, Lou.


OK, I can ask you a fou tweets. A tweet from John what was the


weirdest thing you have been in, I think you were in a documentary?


did a pilot series on BBC Three about people's weird habits. One


woman had a compulsion, she had to squeeze a spot whenever eshe saw


them. That can't have been a good day for


you? I didn't have to meet her. She was a safe distance away, but there


was unone that I really liked, she used to practise to pack a week


before going on holiday. A week before she went away, she would


practise pack so she knew it would all fit in the suitcase.


I like the order. I like that people who think logically about


what needs to be done and when and how. Any way.


Do you think as a comedian you have to do more than being a storyteller,


or doing the gags, your opinions are out there so much more? There


is so much more exposure. People have to know why they are coming to


see you. I am not just funny. I like to be the professional weirdo.


Do you still get nervous? Yes e, I It is respect for the job.


If you are not nervous, you have lost the respect.


And you are on your own, you don't have the band, the dancers? It is


all yours? Yes. Now, we have to make these into


balls, and then put them in the egg, the flour and the breadcrumbs.


There is a problem with comedy, you could become overexposed. If you


are doing the same material, everyone knows that straight away?


It is an interesting change. People used to be in a comedian set, you


would get your shore and tour it, now there is Michael McIntyre's


Comedy Roadshow, you burn material quickly. It is a different


challenge now keeping it going. You have a different audience now


with 8 Out of 10 Cats, people like to watch TV, they are more a cost


omed to that, they may not have been to stand-up shows normally?Ow


Have to get people to encourage them to watch comedy live.


The BBC's coverage of Glastonbury is uej, but there is not a lot for


the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. -- huge.


That is where they start? It is amazing, but if you love comedy


theatre, there is not a bar, cafe that has not got something in it to


watch for free. There are guys going up there for the first time


it is an amazing atmosphere. Now we have those, we have the


flour, egg, the breadcrumbs. All we are doing is making these warm.


We have getting these on a gentle cook.


For our point of view we are going to get them nice and crispy.


Now, for the beans. We need the broad beans in the food processor


with the garlic and the thyme and probably a third of the oil i oil.


This is -- olive oil. This is a really lovely summery dip. As it is


broad bean season it is a great thing to do with it.


Because they are slightly bitter, the baud beans, that is what is


nice about them. -- broad beans. That is what is


nice about. This you want this to be quite spiky. There is lots of


sweetness in the risotto. This will balance that add about a third of


the olive oil. The thyme is in and basically whizz that up until we


get it into a puree. Notice how we step back? Then give


it a quick stir. A little dash of olive oil.


It is nice to make your own dips. Yes, and it is dead fresh.


Another quick whizz. These fellas are just about there. We are


starting to cook these, really. I am going to develop a food


processor that shakes itself, that is where I will make my millions.


Right, so, what we do to serve this is put a little bit of rocket on


the plate. How is that. Yeah, let's use this one! So, we have a little


bit of our broad bean puree like that. It is purely to do with the


timing. You have to whip it together, whip it together. A


little more olive oil on the top. Then we add one of these lovely


little crab risotto cakes and we are there, Lou, we are there! While


Simon plates that up, let's go over Simon plates that up, let's go over


to Gethin and Neil. Let's get the results of Deja Vu.


It was madness, Baggy Trousers and they were all from which year, Neil


has the answer. I did guess this right.


Did you? Yes, it was the year that I started drama school, so I


remember that. 1980.


I am shocked to find out that It Ain't Half Hot Mum was still on


then in the 80s. A brilliant show. So, the food, Gethin you have the


lovely belly pork salad, Neil and Lou have the choc berry swirl cake


and we ehave the crab risotto cakes with broad bean puree.


You are right about the bitterness of the broad beans, but my senior


makes something similar, she puts peas in it. Add parmesan and


pecorino, it is gorgeous. Thank you everyone for the texts


and the e-mails. A couple of e- mails for Jon, any plans to bring


back the sexy voice on the radio? Yes, I loved that.


so far away in Dorset, but I did visit him recently which is always


a mix of wife quake! We just revert back to 20 years. It was Martin


that suggested me for the Men Behaving Badly role in the first


place. We used to drink together. In two words, who do you admire on


the economic circuit? If I say Sean Locke that is weird. Daniel Kitson.


Live cooking, the best of the week's TV and celebrity chat to set up your Sunday. While Tim is off at Glastonbury, Louise and Simon are joined by Gethin Jones, with guests comedy actor Neil Morrissey and comedian Jon Richardson from 8 out of 10 Cats.

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