10/07/2011 Something for the Weekend


Live cooking, the best of the week's TV and celebrity chat to set up your Sunday. Tim Lovejoy, Louise Redknapp and chef Simon Rimmer are joined by Denise Van Outen.

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Hello. It is 10 o'clock. Welcome to the show. We are light and joined


by Tim Vine. The Only Way Is Essex with Denise


Van Outen. And we will be crossing live to Silverstone to find out


what is happening ahead of the British Grand Prix. And we are all


going to be doing some cooking and Good morning. Roads to look forward


to. This is what everyone is talking about today. It is the last


ever edition of the News of the World. Some say that newsagents are


selling out. Others are try to get people to boycott it. The


interesting thing will be how many are actually sold. That is it. That


is the last ever edition. How was your holidays? The just had a few


days away. It was not a full-blown holiday. Was it warm? It was lovely


and warm. Three days in the sun with my better half. How did you


keep up with the cricket? And the women's football World Cup?


I thought Jamie was mucking around. The women? I sat and watched it. It


went to penalties. When it went to extra time, I thought it was like


watching the men's team. We were going to penalties and we thought,


we are going to lose on penalties. But they were amazing. Skilful,


talented. Yes, they are brilliant. In the last 15 years, the standard


of football, women's football in this country has gone right up


there. I could not believe it. done to the England netball team.


They got the bronze in the world netball championships in Singapore.


Well done to them. We have had an e-mail, Simon. Colin


says, why did you wear a hairnet when you have no hair? Look at that.


The Helmut and the jacket. That is a look. The thing is, it is not


just about your hair, it is about skin as well. Whether you are


authority challenged or not, you have to wear it. Is that true?


food processing factory, the big danger is that hair could drop into


the food. But also so good skin. is not pleasant. We live in a


litigation culture. Who has died from hair? Apart from cats? You do


not want bits of skin or hair. Moving on, I do not want to know!


Do not forget, we have Denise Van Outen as a guest today. She has


been a singer, an actress, a DJ and now she is hosting a new TV show


where she uncovers Britain's future showbiz stars. She is slightly hung


over. She was out last night at Take That. It seems the whole world


went to take that last night. I missed it. I did not make it. I was


on my holidays. We have already had the jokes this


morning about my holidays. I am just ignoring you! I am just


carrying on. Are you good at Darts? Yes? Yes.


Do you want to play? I reckon I would be all right. If that was not


enough, our guests will be going to Silverstone to find out about the


latest developments ahead of the British Grand Prix. Lewis Hamilton


is not a happy bunny at the moment. He is blaming a McLaren for putting


the wrong tyres on his car. He is 10th. What do you think about that?


Louise? Yes! And if you have any questions, send it to the website.


We want puns for Tim Vine. We will put to him and see if they are good


enough for his routine. We will see if he can finish them off. This


comes from hallowed turf, I put my wallet in the freezer the other day,


I needed some cold, hard cash. They have to be better than that to


make it onto the show! Get them coming in. The sun is side, the sky


is blue. What are we making? -- the scan is out. We are starting with


goat's cheese and a red pepper mousse. And a pickled shallots and


parsley salad. And then the main course is pork and fennel casserole.


It is quite a dry casserole. We have pork and fennel, chorizo,


olives and lemon. Delicious, lovely flavours. Desert is a cherry


chocolate pavlova. AB Tibbles season for cherries. It is a bumper


harvest. And save responds with smoked salmon and cream cheese --


savouries gongs. Very nice. All the recipes can be found on the website.


Here is what else is happening on today's show. The Torchwood team


are coming out of hiding. It is John Lennon and Yoko or no, the


United States years. -- Yoko Ono. And take a walk on the wild side


All that to come. What delights have we got this week? We are going


Tiki drastic. Some classic Tiki drinks. As drunk by Elvis Presley?


We have some that were in Blue Hawaii. It is such a shame he did


not growing a little moustache this week. It would look like he had


retired to Palm Springs. What are we making? We are making the goat's


cheese and red pepper mousse. The salad is flat-leaf parsley and the


shallots. The pumpernickel bread. For the pickle, red wine vinegar


and sugar. We have some roasted peppers and some creamy goat's


cheese. A warm pan, into their, or the chap in the sugar and the


vinegar and boil backed up. What figure is that? You can use any


vinegar. It is red wine vinegar. You can use cider vinegar. Why have


used red wine vinegar? It is the colour more than anything. They


work well together. Red wine, red I would say it is more than -- more


of a fashion statement. It looks pretty. I just want you to cook the


shallots. Do you want this knife? have got one.


Pound coin size? Yes, you do not want them too thin. We will boil


this up and it will become thick and syrupy. Did you have a nice


fooled on your holidays. Bass? -- nice food. I was watching your


holiday on the internet. It is hard when you go to the beach and


everything, you know that people are taking pictures? You kind of


know after the first day when 25 people ring you and tell you.


you become really self-conscious? You look great! You look fantastic.


Yes, but you do get self-conscious. It is pretty hard to relax. You


cannot fall asleep and start dribbling! When you get off the


sunbed, everyone's hair is slightly matted, a little bit of sun cream


that you have not rub in properly. Jamie always looks good. He is


looking good! We have roasted the peppers. And


then you roast them into one of UN. Put them into a plastic bag and


what happens is that all of the moisture and the compensation


separates the skin from the flesh. You can peel off all of the skin


like that. It does not matter if you get the odd bit on there.


Depict Lineker is boiling up. Simply check in all the shallots. -


- the pickling vinegar. Let it go completely cold. Is there anything


on these? Nothing. It is just literally the taste and the


sweetness of the peppers. Yes, the skin, you could use it with the


skin on. But it is not particularly nice. What you do not burn yourself.


What am I doing with these? I might not be here next week. I have


bought and European lottery ticket. Would you not come to work any


more? Yes! Just have a week off. I will be on holidays with you and


Jamie! What would you do, first thing if you won the lottery this


week? What would be the first thing you would buy? We always have this


discussion. I would probably put a huge amount into good charitable


funds and try and find world peace! Or maybe by a car! Go to a showroom


and buy a car. I think I would go to a shop and just by 20 soups.


Something like that. I do not know. I do not think I am going to win


because I only have wanted it. Apparently a few other people have


bought one as well. That is a shame! Get rid of the seeds out of


the middle of that and Popat in here together with my tarragon and


garlic, which is in the fridge. -- pop that in here. What is this?


This is the best way to keep tarragon, in the fridge, wrapped up,


or it could be that we forgot to take it out! Pop the goat's cheese


into there. Creamy goat's cheese is what you want because this is


really going to be a bit like a smoked salmon pate. The tarragon


goes in. Plenty of black pepper into there. A little pinch of salt


because there is plenty of salt in the cheese already. And then we


blend that until it is smooth. This is our new processor. I have


mentioned it before. I had been doing tennis training, as you know,


and I have invented a new thing. I cannot be bothered to keep getting


the tennis balls. It is on a string and tied to your wrist. What do you


think? I am going to get it patented. What do you think? It is


great. It can be on the same gadget item as when I have my shaky


process are. If we have a shaking platform, you can press that. That


is it done. That is our delicious pate in there. With your best


skills, school into there. For the salad, we have boiled up the


vinegar and the sugar. We have some fresh flat-leaf parsley. It has


that lovely after flavour. If you have something that is quite strong


like the pickle Andy goat's cheese, this will neutralise it to a


certain extent. It stops you having that horrible breath. It is that


same kind of thing with having parsley after garlic. The


pumpernickel bread. I love it. delicious malty flavour. It makes


you feel as if you are eating healthy bread -- healthy bread.


component parts, there is the pate, there is the parsley, there is the


bread. David a bit of bread onto 80 is one of those cheeses you love


or hate and I love goat's cheese. do. It gets over reduced. You will


see it on every menu and I don't think it works with everything --


over it used. Then we have a lovely bit of red pepper. On to the


pumpernickel bread with a bit of... I have gone ahead. Get some pickled


shallot in their so there is a lovely bit of acidity as well and


the tarragon comes through. And the nuttiness of the bread. Lovely.


Absolutely delicious! If you set the pate then you get a different


flavour and texture as well. What Wilby beat -- will we be


making for main course. Pork and fennel casserole. All recipes can


Right! This is a world crisis that needs the torch would team but


Captain Jack is missing. -- I looked up and a woman came out of


the sky, shining like moonlight. Then she started to sing like 1000


choirs. A woman of 1000 voices and it was beautiful. You promised me


we would keep her away from this stuff. She is too young. Life back


then was a living nightmare, love. There is someone at the door. What


Hello. I hope I am not disturbing news. If we are going back to the


village, is it cricket to cutback across the beach or will we get cut


off? Better to ask, I thought. have got proper shoes and can get


across nice and quickly. It is You can watch series 4 at 9 o'clock


on Thursday. Our first guest has been busy since she was last on the


show. She found and married Mr Wright, became a mother and climbed


Kilimanjaro and match to beat two and found time to start end an


award-winning West End musical -- What's going on? We're cheering on


our friend. I've got another package for you. Oh, thanks. Bake


meat cake and Piet, and hold me Welcome, Denise Van Outen. Did you


do your backing. I did. Today I have a sore head because I went to


take that last night. How was it? Amazing. The highlight was the end


of the show when Robbie and the band came together. First it was


odd because the boys came out and did their song from the Circus


album and Robbie dipped his set. Robbie did his own songs? Yes. You


kind of thought, where are the boys? Are they having a cup of tea.


But when they came together and did the old songs, it was incredible.


It was almost like three concerts in one? Yeah, it was great. I


thought they would never be able to top Circus but it was great.


was your favourite? Gary. Mark! He always has been the best. Who is


your favourite? It is a tough one. We talked with them for about five


months around Europe. All five of them? Yes. Where they on their way


downhill? They were at their peak. It brings back memories. It is our


age. Aren't they bigger now than they were then? No, they were huge


back then. It is the same, isn't it? I love for Gary because I did


they Kilimanjaro climb with him and he is the nicest guy I think I have


ever met. How was that? It was hard. I trained quite well so I felt as


prepared as I could beat. It was amazing to do. At the time, you


hate it but looking back, it was a brilliant thing to be part of.


you can hear sizzling, we are cooking pork. It is me, I am


sweating! How his mother that? is good. Exe it is 14 months old so


she is at an age where she is aware of everything and so much fun. But


it is hard work. The first few months came as a bit of a shock.


The lack of sleep. I went back to work quite early. How many weeks


after you had how did you go back to work? I did the trek took Machu


Picchu when she was four months old and I started Legally Blonde when I


got back. She was nearly five months old. So, doing shows every


night pretty much and looking after her during the day was hard work.


For how out, she didn't miss out on me because I was home all day but


when most mums have a glass of wine or have a cup of tea, I was on the


stage. I think it is great if you are passionate about something, you


should be entitled to go back to work when it suits you. I feel


lucky I do such great work and be part of something like Legally


Blonde which is such a great show. It is fun. But it was hard. The


biggest shock for me, because I was at home all day with Betsy, was not


being able to do the things you take for granted like going


shopping, clothes or supermarket shopping. Which is why I teamed up


with a three mobile to encourage mums to use smart phones and use


most - might do most of their shopping online. To make a man's


life easier? If you are a working mum, it doesn't mean... It is just


to make your life easier. We you do more shows? I try and do a West End


show once in a while but to have a break because it is physically


demanding. It is a big commitment. Probably I will wait a while. I


would like to do some TV in between. You do do everything. I am going


back to the ozone. I did A massive on a Saturday. Yeah sit was


definitely a Saturday morning programme. I remember coming on it.


And Broadway and everything. I am lucky to have a variety. What are


your best that? I can't answer that. You saw my husband the other night


because he is in Legally Blonde now and you asked me to score him on


stage now. I imagine that every time you go out there, you put a


different performance on, don't you? It depends on the audience, I


think. Honestly, the performance changes because you gauge an


audience. It is different. People asked if I get bored doing theatre


but you don't because it is a different audience and a different


vibe. I love it. He is great in it. He gave himself a 9 1/2! Tell us


about your new TV show, Born to Shine. It sounds interesting.


starts next Sunday on ITV and it is kids with an exceptional talent or


skier Lock and they will train a celebrity in that skill all talent.


I am on the judging panel which I love doing. You have the freedom to


enjoy the show. I would love to be a judge. We are having guest judges.


I will do it but I have no skills. But you have an opinion. Would you


ever be and -- a contestant because I can see you on dancing on eyes?


think Dancing on Ice... The men are disadvantaged because the women


could just be lifted by the male dancers whereas the fellows have to


try and lift the lady. They could be on wires. You could never beat


Todd Carty on that show. I saw a clear last night. Jason Mansford


was learning opera. You probably know more than I do because I


haven't seen all of them yet. and classical music, street dancing,


Nick Moran and Joe Swash is on it. And you are judging? Yes, and it is


to help raise awareness and raise money for Save the Children.


wreak -- Denise will be staying around so if you want to ask a


question: Do you want some deja It is the first visit to Britain by


a reigning Pope. He is busy Schedule included a meeting with


the Queen. Wherever he has gone, huge crowds have turned out.


The uncertainty of the airline's future is that the Government's


philosophy has suffered an embarrassing not.


The Queen signed a royal proclamation today giving new


status to the �1 coin and there You are not got. Neither I you.


Corp. You don't even have a rope. The music was Come on Eileen. Do


you remember how everyone used to dance do that? Of course. People


used to wear dungarees. No one looked good in dungarees. Else did.


The news stories were Popes, Pounds Time for your photos. Make low.


Finally, we will get meat loaf to be a British dish rather than an


American one. Barbara has sent as Inside at night. She is not allowed


upstairs. Is she allowed on the sofa? No. The same as the children!


Then we have Georgie Wilkinson with a fine expression. They also made


the meat loaf. He thinks of himself as a bit of a Jamie Oliver. This is


sent in by Katie from Stockport. Good expressions on the male faces


today! Who is this one? I do not know. And I do not know what kind


of cat that is. It is care less. It would be like touching a chicken!


Chickens have the feathers! when they are plucked! If you want


to take photos of your food, send it to the website. We are going to


make a pork and fennel casserole. You can hear it sizzling away. We


have some pork shoulder, some water to give it some depth. We have some


chickpeas, olives and parsley. We What we have done, we have sealed


off the port in the pan. We will get some colour on -- and some


flavour on this. I want some chorizo, which will give us some


depth of flavour. You need to peel the paper better off and cut it.


How thick? About thick pound coins. A standard measurement. What have


you cook this week? Apple. I have not got a lot. I think pork,


basically, goes with anything green, doesn't it? It goes with fennel, it


goes with Apple. Yes. I am trying to think, grapes. Asparagus. Lamb


and grapes would not work. Pork is great. You eat the entire pig. You


can eat everything. Whether it is the trotters, the cheeks,


everything gets eaten. It is quite delicious. Nice big chunks. But we


eat every part of every animal. really. Cows? Doesn't everything


not consume without it being put into a process. We have the


delicious sweetness of the pork. The chorizo goes in. While that is


cooking, we slice the onion. I will slice the fennel. We are going to


cut it all. You could wash the board. Will we get ill if I do it


this way? Not at all. The chorizo is already cooked. We are looking


for some flavour to come into that. Whenever you do things like this,


just scrape around the bottom of the pan. You get all the delicious


bits. Slice that in half and then into thin bits, thick bits,


whatever you want to do. With castles, people make the component


parts a little bit too small. -- casseroles. I like having chunky


bits in the casserole. And now the smell of that is delicious. Cheery


soul enhances so many dishes. If you're not quite sure what to put


in something to make it tastes delicious, it is one of those


things. Are you a fan will fan? love the fennel. It works with meat,


it works with fish. It is nice to roast. It is nice in so many ways.


The onions going, the fennel goes in. And then, to cook through that,


we have a lot of sweetness and heady flavour in there. With the


lemon, zesty lemon, this just gives us that little bit of flavour in


there. The DC Bradley Wiggins got injured? -- Did you see. He is a


top man. He has broken his shoulder. I have not seen any of it this week.


Mark Cavendish is doing well. Do you like cycling? In it is the one


sport I would rather watch than do. I had a spell of trying to cycle to


work and I really did not like it. It is hard work. I like running and


swimming but cycling is no good. Yes, it is a shame because I


thought he had a really good chance. Squeeze, the lemon juice goes in


there. We want lots of flavour. I am going to leave the lemon in


there. You cook the vegetables and then chuck back in awe of the meat


that we have sealed, plus all the juices that we have been there as


well. That is nice. The smells coming out of here are just amazing.


All of that, the lemon cooks through. They are a lot of flavours


in there. Roads but it is a nice balance. It cuts through the


heaviness of the pork. In goes some stock, cover it and let it simmer


and in a couple of hours we have that. Lovely. And then, how nice is


that? You can do on the top order in the oven. And with the lemons,


all of the extra bits of reducing their that you could not get out


from squeezing have gone into the casserole. -- the juice in there.


It keeps it fresh. When you have things like a casserole, it can be


heavy. And then just chat in three- quarters of the chick peas, or of


the olives and give it a stir around. I am going to wield some of


the spinach. What I quite like to do was to serve it alongside the


casserole. It keeps its own individual flavour. It happens very


quickly. A little drizzle of oil. You could use butter. This is one


of the best combinations that you have done. That starter was amazing.


And this smells amazing. You cannot go wrong. I think we that as well.


-- If you're looking for something easy to cook that you can forget


about... Its take such a long time. How do I know that I am going to be


hungry? When you finish your paper round and you come back in, you


have a bit of a wander around and you have watched Jeremy Kyle and


I turn that around? The spinach comes down like that. You can add,


if you wanted, a little bit of cinnamon. I do not think we need it.


I love spinets. Just keep breaking it down. We are calling this a


casserole but it is quite dry. If you wanted to be more moist, just


add more stock to it. Really delicious. The lemon cuts through


wet. Wilted spinach and then simply spoon... This is good hangover


fooled, Denise. -- food. There we go. All of that on there. Go for it.


It smells amazing. You go first. looks really hot. Denise is cooking


pudding with Simon. What are we making later? Cherry chocolate


pavlova. Lovely. I love pavlova. smells rich. Can I interest you in


some chickpeas? I do fancy the little olive that has strayed over


there. All of the recipes will be Do not forget to e-mail questions


for Denise awesome puns for Tim Vine. I cannot believe they took


this long to make a jot -- programme about John Lennon. Some


great footage. This is Imagine. really get hurt by abuse. We do not


mind criticism. The British press actually called Yoko Ono idly in


the press. I have not seen that about anyone. Even if a person is


ugly, you do not say that. And she is not. And if she was, they would


not be so mean. They say attractive about the most awful looking people


just to be kind! When I landed in London, I was interested in the


Symposium. It was a very arty crowd of people. They accepted me. It was


But once I became connected with John, it was a different story. All


the people that used to like me were just kind of looking away.


John was a pop star. And then suddenly, he was with this crazy,


and outlandish artist and sending acorns to the world leaders. Hal is


that going to bring peace? And they were in bed, how is that


going to help anyone? All we are saying is give peace a chance. If


the least we can do is give someone a laugh, we are willing to be the


world's clowns. And you can imagine watching that great documentary


this evening on BBC One. It looks very in depth. I am fascinating


with the whole thing and how it happened. Our next guest is in the


Guinness Book of Records. But you are just as likely to see him with


Lee Mack in Not Going Out. wondered why my face was distorted!


It must BV v G force. It might be the inbreeding. I am entering a --


an essay writing competition. About what? It is called me and my big


head by John Merrick. If you must know, it is called my vision for a


better world. You barely notice things that are right in front of


you. Well come again to the programme, Tim Vine. I love that


show. I love Lee Mack and I love that show. He is currently writing


the 5th series in a shed somewhere. It is brilliant. There was a stage


where it was not going to be recommissioned. After the third


series, they decided they were not going to do any more and then they


thought, maybe we should. It did stop briefly. Do you help with the


writing at all? Not at all. I turn up and get told where to stand.


is your type of humour. Loads of jokes. In American sitcoms, they


have a joke after joke and we wait for ever in British ones. He went


for lots and lots of jokes. Americans are better at sitcoms


than as any way. We are a bit more real-life in Britain. We love


things where we can be in a similar situation. That is right. Let me


think about that, yes, that is right. Some of our sitcoms can be


quite morose. Yes, quite real. have been asking the viewers to


send in some puns. Maybe you can use them pool stop I sold our bed


and board a tambourine. -- trampoline. My wife hit the roof


when she found out. That is good. I got some herbs in mind I, I am now


The moon. Yeah, watch this space. I don't know. Alright, another one.


Australia. I said to this bloke, I've just been to Australia. He


said, who did you fly with? I said I don't know the names of the other


passengers. How did you get into doing that sort of comedy?


haven't got any friends? I gravitate towards short jokes


because the last come quicker. didn't you start doing, I was going


to say "normal". Observational stuff? Yeah. I started different --


with difference does. I was talking about how I was responsible for the


death of JF Kennedy. None of it was funny. Comedy is quite a scary


Korea, isn't it? I suppose but I think people who say that might not


have a knack. Do you test your stuff out? Yes, I try it out


everywhere. Family? No, you can never trust family and friends. On


an audience. They are used to it. But if you tell a make a joke, they


can say. No. But an audience might love it. It is more dangers the


other way round. -- dangerous. many jokes do need to fail... How


long is your set? I do an hour and a quarter when I tour. There are


songs as well. How many jokes you need? Probably about 200 or 300 for


an hour. You're set is basically joke after joke. It is but I sing


silly songs. It is a mixture. I can't sing here but that would be a


disaster. Can't you? I do lots of short songs. "oh, to my


girlfriend's mother." �10,000. They are one-liners it dressed up in


different ways. We have had a few comedians on here discussing about


stealing each other's jokes. With your sort of comedy, who knows who


invented the joke. There is one here that is apparently one of


yours. Black Beauty was a dark horse. That was 20 years old. Black


Beauty is a dark horse. And you did, three cheers for rap music, hip


hop! How do you keep track of your jokes? You just have to keep


writing. It is easy to knit or one- liners. There is a grey area


between the new -- you and Tommy Cooper. A lot of your jokes are


credited to him. Yes but I know which ones are which. There were 20


jokes on an e-mail and they were my jokes and it's said, "here are some


Tommy Cooper jokes". People said there was some stuff they hadn't


heard. But they are all my jokes. That is showbiz. Do constantly


think of things. See something, get a joke and write it down and think,


I will put that in or do you set time aside? It is more like that. I


am not crazily thinking about jokes all the time. If I have a tour


coming up, I have to write 10 decks a day. They every 109 right, I will


probably end up with three. Are you doing Edinburgh next year? This


year. You want the best joke last year, didn't you? It wasn't the


best joke in my show. I have been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday,


never again! I met the man who invented windowsills. What a ledge!


What about your brother. Is he funny? He wrote a joke for me. I


went up to the counter and I made a noise and she gave me some medicine.


Where you and your brother very different growing up? Did you


always followed completely different parts? We used to want to


be pop stars so we were in a band and we used to wear flares. In the


Eighties, when it was all drainpipes so it was dangerous. I


played guitar. It was a terrible sound because Gerry used to sing


and there would be a drummer and me on acoustic guitar. So there was no


base. We were just singing about flowers. One the US says he is


reading a book about anti-gravity? Can't put it down! Nigel says, I


It is always good to read them before they! One says, I didn't


believe might doubt stole from his job as a lollipop man but when I


got home the signs were there. good. Keep those coming in.


will hang around. If I am because there is a kitchen over there with


food. It your questions in. Go to our website. Here is what else is


If it feels a bit weird, it could be The Pranker. We are crossing


live to Silverstone for the Grand Prix. And there is a wartime drama


All that still to come but Denise is here to put some pudding. It has


been a while since you were on. Do you remember what you cooked last


time? Did I do sausage rolls. might have been. How is your


cooking? I am better now than I was then because I have an Aga cooker


and I love being a mum and preparing meals. Do you do all the


cooking? We share it. I am a better cook. What do you could forget see?


Different things. I normally freeze things so spaghetti bolognese...


Does it change the way you think about it? I used more fresh produce


so it is nice to get fresh veg from the garden. Have you grown anything


recently? I am crying -- trying to grow dill at at the moment. I


thought it would be like press and I would wake up the next morning.


But it didn't happen. Friends of... It friends of mine bake and they


are brilliant. What have we here? We will make chocolate Cherry


pavlova. I like chocolate ginger biscuits. They are incredible. They


go down really well. You can teach me after the show. Crunchy and


delicious. There we have cherries. It is a great season. They are


and they are flavour some as well. Cherry liqueur. Loads of whipped


cream, sugar, egg whites and cocoa and chocolate. Denise, get the wis


gone and get that going. I am quite nervous about the risk. It is 8


cloves wrecker. Why not just use the hand whisk? With meringue, it


will take you forever. The rule with it is, whisk the whites until


they asked if and add the sugar a little at a time. When it goes


glossy... The bit of vinegar helps set it and you get a better


meringue. What does it do? It works with the protein say you get a


better meringue. The vinegar and the vicinity just helps -- acidity.


You don't want Baby P meringue! ingredient in the kitchen, isn't it.


It is. It works with everything. All salt. Salt, number one and


vinegar and number two. A little dash of vinegar at the end, brings


out even more flavour. Stick it in your spaghetti bolognese. It is


great in that. I was being quite delicate with it. These are still a


bit soft. You want them to be firmer but it will be OK for our


purposes. A quick stir around and basically a big dollop of that in


the middle. Dab a bit in each corner and it will hold the


greaseproof paper. What do the people of Essex make of The Only


Way is Essex? Some people are outraged. Some people like me


absolutely love it. I love the show. Do you like it? Do you know what, I


don't really watch it. I am missing it actually. Louise absolutely


loves it. She watches it all the time. Do you know them all? I have


met Lydia, who is lovely. Amy, Sam and Harry but I haven't met Lenny.


I have met Lauren. There are a few I haven't met. It is good. You


watch it wants and then you are hooked. How much is scripted and


how much it is observational? can't tell you that. It is the


magic circle! It is not scripted. There people will speak to the


producers and some of the... what, at the script writers tell


the cast? No, there is no script. It is orchestrated but if a couple


of the girls are not getting on... But are some of the people of


Essex...? They are outraged. It is put the meringue in, drop it down


to 150. Then the outside will be crispy and the outside will be soft.


What do you do if you have an Aga cooker? Roasts and baked potatoes.


I struggle with this because if it says drop the temperature, you


can't. It is like turning a battleship around. What can you do?


We could still cut everything but you would have to set the


temperature at a lower temperature. Are they good? You can put your


socks on them. Does it heat your house? Yes, and great when you have


washed your clothes, you can drive them on their. Bath towels. They


are meant to before cooking. airing cupboard! Denys, we have


cherry liqueur and vanilla. Wit that through say you get the lovely


smell. Then, with this, as I dribble that in... Are that he's


just cherry jam. You just want it to be like that. We end up with...


And this is what happens with our one bit. I have literally pushed it


down. You do not have to do that but it makes it a little bit


simpler. All of that goes like that. And then, this beautifully swirled


cream. Have you got a sweet tooth? I think I'd prefer savoury.


will have to leave -- lay off the sweet things when you do would


dancing on nice! It would be brilliant. Let's start a campaign!


And then the cherries on top and then more of that lovely jam.


Amazing. I had a good Pavlova yesterday but this is better.


can either be polite and serve or You just make a mess. What more


could you want? That is really good. Coming up, as well as the British


Grand Prix, Simon's final dish is a savoury Schon. And there is


cocktails. How can you make your brain hurt on a Sunday morning? It


It is the first visit to Britain by a reigning Pope. It was nearly


cancelled because of the fighting. The busy schedule included a visit


with the Queen. He would crowds have turned out to welcome him.


What is certain is the deep -- that the government's economic


philosophy has suffered an embarrassing knock. The Queen


signed the royal proclamation today, giving official status to the new


pound coin. They were on display at the Royal Mint in Llantrisant today.


No rest, no sleep like other men. And yet the spring wind blows. Have


you ever felt such a wind? It blows where I live or so. In the mouth of


Everyman's heart. That was Deja View. Lots of clues. We will reveal


what year that was before the end of the shelf. But now, we are in


the mood for cocktails. Yes, we are doing Tiki drinks today. Benn has


been looking for the ultimate zombi recipe. That is the classic drink.


We will have my preferred recipe for a zombie. I thought I could


look quite call, but it is not really Magnum. I think it works


with the hair! The moustache would Zombie. We have the golden rum


be a good thing. We have some passion fruit syrup. We want about


10 mill -- 10 millilitres. I have put in the Golden rum and the


classic white rum. And then we have velvet falernum. Then we have the


fruit juices. Pineapple. There is a lot of alcohol. That is what I was


thinking. I love this, it is papaya nectar. With the pineapple, it is


absolutely beautiful. We will give it a little shake just to combine


it. Chill it down and we have a lovely zombi. This is a classic.


Tiki culture kicked off in the 1940s and 1950s. Right up until the


1960s. The first Tiki bars opened up and then places like Butlin's


started opening them up as well. imagine it will taste sweet. It has


the acidity of the lime. A little bit more ice. And then we have some


more rum. That his headache material. Is it about �150? There


we have the classic zombi. It is delicious. You go first as the


guest. I think you should go first. What is this one? It is good. You


feel like you while on holiday. This is a classic my tie. It


appeared in Elvis Presley's Blue Hawaii. It is bikini time! Gore on,


girls! Get the ratings up. I think you have a different image to me


than I have of myself! That is good. We have a Jamaican aged rum. Some


vinyl syrup. -- vanilla. It is a new work rum that he was sampling.


It is the classic. Elvis drank it in Blue Hawaii. You kind of know


what you are getting with this on holiday. Yes, a headache! Yes, I


think it is the winner. It is the coconut shell, it is brilliant. You


can get these online. There is lots of it available now. The


paraphernalia. Some sprigs of fresh mint. That has made my stomach or


warm. And a pineapple. Did Elvis drink it out of a coconut? I do not


been heeded. You can go first this good! Actually this is sweeter.


am not sure. I think it is the Mint. You can taste the Mint. I think I


prefer this. A If you want to make either of those drinks, then go to


If you're an estate agent trying to Rent out a house, this is probably


not the kind of guy that you want to show what for reviewing. This is


The Pranker. There are many spirits in this world. There is a beautiful


lady called Rosemary. She thinks we should take the place. Could you


give me one minute on my own just to get a feel for the energy?


Thank you. I need to go and get some pictures. I will quickly set


What are you doing? You have got to come quick. Seriously, you had


better come here now. Darren, I am going to ring the police, mate.


Watch what you're doing. You have You have got to get up. You have


got to leave. I do not want to be negative, but I do not think this


is the right house. Mate, we have got a goal. You cannot... I need


somewhere with a bigger downstairs toilet. You can watch The Pranker


on Thursday at 10:30pm on BBC Three. It is the biggest weekend of the


Formula 1 calendar. Joining this life from the paddock, we hope, the


BBC team, Jake Humphrey. Welcome. How is it looking out there? It is


looking sunny, that is a relief. was sunny but now it is cloudy.


That is less of a relief. Good stuff. I have asked people to e-


mail in questions and most of them are about Eddie Jordan's shirts.


Not again! I am not saying. designs them himself. They are made


by my mother. Sebastian Vettel is way ahead this season. Is it still


a great season? Yes, it has been a great season so far. What we are


realising is that in the past, when one driver is dominating, it is not


brilliant but this year, we have had one man dominating but


brilliant racing. David Coulthard gets thrown into the commentary box


this year and he has so much to commentate on. We have had


brilliant racing but the same guy crossing over the line at the end.


That could change today. Sebastian Vettel did not have what he usually


has in qualifying which is a pole position finish. Mark Webber is on


pole position for this race and he is looking good today. What


happened in qualifying yesterday? It all got quite controversial with


the tyres and Lewis Hamilton. I think this is good for David.


do not think it was controversial at all. It was simply difficult


conditions and he did not make the right decision. When you have


changeable conditions, needed a bit of rain and they have not use the


correct tyres, limited knowledge, when it came down to making the


crucial decision, it did not work out for them. It is as simple as


that. But Lewis Hamilton is starting from 10th and we can


expect him to do some overtaking. Talking about the controversial


side of things, yes, there was controversial issues, particularly


about this fuse blowing. But not many people are interested warned


there were about it but I think it is scandalous to think that on a


race weekend, we had -- we can have people changing the rules. That is


unacceptable in my view. From a controversy point of view, I agree


with you. Isn't that controversial, away from that, that Lewis Hamilton


is criticising his team? It sounds as if he does not want to be there


The body language and the way it is playing out, there seems to be huge


frustration. Yes, it would appear that. I spoke on something we were


doing for BBC News last night and he said the team's will not change


for next year. 13, however, he would not rule that out. If he is


on his way to Red Bull in 2013... David, you have won the British


Grand Prix. Where does it rate among stall of the men the world at


the moment? It historically has been on the calendar since the


beginning of the Formula One world championship so it has great


historical value, Silverstone. It is a fantastic facility and has


been upgraded this year. The drivers love it because there are


so many high-speed corners. You only break for 10% of the lap. So


for 90% you are in partial or full throttle and that wears -- is when


you come alive. It gets your attention so there is no question


it is a fantastic facility and greatly enjoyed by all. It sounds


like you want to get back in the car. It is a new paddock, isn't it?


Can you let as the around? Yes, you can see the top of the roof up


there. This is a huge. About �30 million and 390 metres long. It is


attracting some seriously high- level guests. These shops are just


coming into worse now. There is Prince Harry who is that guest of


honour today. Our job is just to celebrate this new look. You go to


Abu Dhabi or Singapore and those places are amazing. People say


Silverstone has the history but does it have the infrastructure?


But now it does. I look forward to watching it. One final question,


who will win? Everyone is quiet. I would like to see it Mark where


Berwyn. My guess is that along so will win. -- Mark Webber. The last


time we saw the top three last come along so was winning. I think


Fernando along they could win this one. Lovely to talk to you --


I will be watching. This is a one- off drama starting in post-war


Britain and is an adaptation of a novel from the same name. This is


Hello, stranger. You remembered Julia. Of course. Hello. Shall we?


Your hair is different. I like it. I'm relocate bomb victims and you?


Helping to so they bombed buildings. I suppose you are still doing your


ambulance bit every night? It gets lonely, doesn't it? How is the


writing? It seems irrelevant. They're terrible things going on in


Europe. People still need entertaining, don't they? Which way


do you...? We must meet for lunch sometimes. I would like that.


to see you again. Why will you never talk about what went wrong


between you? You always change the subject. It was a Miss affection.


What we felt for each other wasn't You can go backwards in time on


Tuesday on BBC2. Tim Vine is in the kitchen with us. This is great.


do this for everyone. Welcome to the kitchen. Can you cook? No, I am


rubbish. I tend to eat out a lot. I are smoked salmon trimmings which


are dead too cheap. And you buy them as Jennings? Yes. It is much


cheaper. -- trimmings. Egg, sugar, baking powder, dill. If you make a


savoury scone Gummer without sugar, it taste like pastry. The bit of


anything though. My mate said that he went to see the Harry Potter


premiere this week. They were cheap souvenirs. In fact they were...


Cash and Harry? They were a quid each! Very good. I would like one


really good joke that I could... What? I don't know. Just one really


good one. Try, one armed but lows. They can dish it out but they can't


take it. There is an awful lot about your delivery. It is the


mischief in your eyes. There is a Quiros in the way you deliver that


you sort of no. It is the ultimate bad joke. -- dad joke. That has


broken now. Does the one? Yes, it will bind it together. I said I was


good at staring but just not good at holding bulls. I like this one.


This has a soft spot in my heart, this joke. I saw Miss did tea at


the petrol station the other day -- Mr T. Pity the fuel! I said, have


you got your palms on and he said no I am wearing flip-flops. All we


do is press it together. This is where the dough comes in. Press it


together. Then simply poppet onto the board. Then we will cut them


out. You always use the weight of the ingredient. You always know


when someone is not an accomplished chef because Simon hangs around


this area. Is it OK to drop it from a reasonable height? He how was the


experience on title wipe out? fell off everything. I thought if I


went for a run twice the month before... Book I would be so


nervous. I was so exhausted. I got as far as the second ball. Most


people do. I couldn't even hold on to the rope. How about the other


runner think? There is one way you stand and the thing goes around and


you have to jump. This thing comes towards you and you jump and land


back on your poll. Did you win? I didn't. I was last after the


first round and that included someone who nearly drowned. I was


still after them. You have to be very... I don't even know the word.


Simon? I got asked to do it and I bottled it. I was thinking to


myself, I need to go towards the theatre. I thought I would do it


for a laugh. It would be my worst nightmare. I wouldn't even... I


would be useless. I don't know what would be more fearful, doing it in


Argentina or meeting Amanda! There are the scones. Great some Parmesan


cheese on top of those. Which side? That side. Not a huge amount. They


go into the oven for up to 10 minutes. For the filling, cream


cheese, smoked salmon and a nice bit of lemon juice. We have black


pepper in the scones. We give that a stir. It is a nice... It is a


nice twist on a scone, isn't it? How do I say it's? "scone"? I am


"15 sq on"! You can say both but the more common use is to rhyme


with John at rather than Joan. Either way it works. This is what


we get. Look at that! Think of it in the same way you would have


bagels with smoked salmon and cream cheese. It is like a savoury cream


t. A like your sandwich and scone mix into one. You can toast these


as well and spread some butter Ron. Then, it simply a big dollop of


that in the middle -- butter on. What are those things? Capers. Then


we pop their lead on. Perfect! As Simon serves up scones, or however


you want to say it, over to Denise. We are already eating. The year...


So, the year when the pound coin was first circulated, Dexy's


Midnight Runners' "Eileen" and Conan the Barbarian were all from


the year? 1982. Louise has got the chocolate and cherry pavlova.


Denise has got the pet and goat's cheese mousse. Tim, you have the


pork casserole. Tim has the savoury Denise, Amy says it Jason is the


nasty judge what sort of judge when you make? I was a judge on the


Andrew Lloyd Webber show. I will be honest and kind as well. They are


kind to the kids but a bit mean to the celebrities. Is it hard when


you are judging people, because you know they put a lot of work into it.


You have to take that into account. Let us not forget it is for charity


so I will not be too mean. Did you enjoy the Andrew Lloyd what --


Andrew Lloyd Webber stuff? Yes but you have to be honest so they can


better themselves. You should not be fluffy if there is work to be


done and they can improve their performance. Tim,... When I was


working in their kicking, Andrew Lloyd Webber walked in and said


give me to it whoppers. I said, you have just directed to super


Sometimes it is flattering. It is nice that people like my jokes.


What did you think when the e-mail came round saying that your jokes


were from Tommy Cooper? At the time I was doing a lot of circuit gigs


so I would be halfway through a joke and some but the would say


that was a Tommy Cooper joke. But it was one of mine. Doesn't matter,


ladies and gentlemen, just enjoy your lunch. Denny's, would you and


Lee ever do something together? would if it was the right casting.


We wouldn't rule it out. We would try to keep work separate, though.


Live cooking, the best of the week's TV and celebrity chat to set up your Sunday. Tim Lovejoy, Louise Redknapp and chef Simon Rimmer are joined by actress and presenter Denise Van Outen.

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