06/11/2011 Something for the Weekend

Welcome to the show on Sunday, 6th November. It is 10.00am. We're

stoipd by the star of BBC Three's most successful ever sitcom Him and

Her, Russell Tovey and Sarah Solomany. And we have autor, people

watcher and stand-up comic Mark Watson. Not here yet. He's a no-

show. Used to be such is a nice guy. He's changed! They will be here to

cook food or assault it in Mark's case. And take a look at next

week's best telly. This is Welcome to Something for the

weekend. Can we point a camera at Mark. Frplt he just walked through

the door. Yeah,. How's Harry? Harry's doing well. He's at home

recovering. He's all good. Harry Redknapp, if you don't know who I'm

talking about. Your fer-in-law. I said Mark Watson was coming on the

show on Twitter. You have to show the moment Louise was on eighth out

of ten cats talking about the spine game. I can see myself getting red.

I love it. Sean Locke is one of my favourite comedians. This is Louise.

Here you go. What he'd do is go out and get some road kill. Get road

kill. He'd whip the spine out. Break up all the vertebrae. Put it

in a sack. Then he'd bounce it on our heads and we'd have to guess

what animals it is. Spine in a sack? You probably called it back

in a bag. Are you guys winding me up? Is there really a game... ARE

YOU WINDING ME UP? I'm not even joking. I feel so embarrassed. I

really wasn't sure whether it was a joke or not. That was a genuine...

He was so serious. I'm thinking if there was a game like. That it was

awful. A dead animal in a bag and you have to guess what animal it is

from the spine. What was he talking about? I'm not a comedy genius,

clearly. The biggest laugh the show got. I'm not funny. Completely lost

in the moment. The stories are massively believable. He's so well

structured. Did you enjoy doing it? It kind of went before my eyes. I

understpood some of it. Sean was brilliant. It was good to be on his

side. Mark Watson's in the midst of a stand-up tour where he allowed

the fans to choose the locations he gigs at. He also has a lot to say

about his new Radio 4 show. Life as a bloggaholic. Plus, Russell Tovey

and Sarah Solomany are here to talk about the modern-day love story Him

and Her and how Russell ended up playing a fire-breathing drag on

called Squirt. Leave your name when you leave a message for Mark,

Russell or Sarah. Simon, what have you for us today?

We've some road kill. In a bag! Ball in a bag! We're starting off

with August gene satay skewers. We've taken the backbone out of the

aubergine and left with the flesh. Proper satay sauce made with fresh

peanuts. Rather than peanut butter. Very lucky people. Main recipe is a

beef, venison and oyster pie. Loads of Sven Sven sin around at the

moment. Look at that. The oyster must get lost in there? Is

doesn't it is such a strong flavour you get that hint the sea. Or use

anchovies. That little bit of saltiness of fishiness in there.

Very nice. And easy pop-up cakes. This is a massive trend happening

in the States. If you imagine the combination of a pop up ice lolly

but doing it with a cake rather than something frozen. An assembly

job. Really tasty. Good thing to do with your kids. Finally, we're

doing sole cod. -- salt cod. Massively intense flavour. This

combines the salt cod with celeriac. Milk. Delicious. Very salty. Sounds

nice. You can look up and follow those recipes on our website.

Here's what else you can look forward to on today's show.

Meet Karen in the The Growing Pains Of A Teenage Genius. I'm doing a

degree in maths. It's Series 2 at St Saviour in The Marshes. A dau

without your TV and games. An ox meets wolves in frozen planet.

wolves isolate their victim. A great line-up. What have you got

to look good against Mr Wayne Collins? A ray of south American

sunshine today. A nice twist on a z Brazilian drink and piscopunch.

Really nice. Cool. Sounds good. We're also doing on the show today,

which I'm a bit disgusted about. We're doing Christmas gifts. It's

November and we're doing Christmas. You have to start early. I know you

have to prepare early frplt thought this year, I'm going to

start Christmas shopping next week. Really? I always leave it to the

last ten days and I spend all the lead up to Christmas when you

should be having fun and taking the kids out shopping like a mad woman.

Sweating, coming home, 10.00 at night. Shouting at everybody the no

the getting into the mood for Christmas. No-one's tidied up.

Everybody says I am is a bah hum bug. Should be less presents for

people. Everyone in Tim's family, less presents. Then you don't have

to do all that rining around. present has more thought in it than

lots of things. It should be called bookds mass. Or just download a

book. We're doing ten presents to give a woman in your life today.

Ideas. Ten ideas. Next week we're doing men and then children.

Christmas should start 1st December. I know what you're saying.

early. Do you think? No? I do, Tim, I do. What are we making then?

we have that sombre mood in the we have that sombre mood in the

kitchen. Aubergine, sat sta, pea nuts, soy sauce, chilli, garlic, a

bit of water. We need the aubergine to be cut into cubes. Any size

really. Ideally, if you cut slices about that kind of size. Then cut

that into three. We're looking at pieces about that big. Chuck them

in a Bolland we'll chuck oil on. In the meantime, we'll start off --

chuck it in a Bolland we'll start off.

Aubergine needs to be cooked perfectly? You can't cut an

aubergine quickly without it tasting like a bitter sponge. That

horrible acidity. It needs moisture. When they are cooked properly they

are delicks. The satay sauce. Oil in the pan. We'll toast off the pea

nuts. Ideally what you'd do is pop them into a wok or stir-fry them.

You want colour on there. Just raw pea nuts. You want them in some

nice warm oil and toast them. What you're looking to do is get some

good colour on there. Next, Lou, you're too fast for me. Bit of oil

on there. Bit of salt. Little bit of pepper. I like getting a bit of

responsibility! Tim, your job. Slice that down the middle. We want

very thin half moons. We'll toast off all of the nuts. Puree the nuts.

Fry them with all the other ingredients. Lou, are you done on

that one? How much? Just a pinch? Beautiful. Next, our aubergines on

to there. Nice hot griddle pan. If you haven't a griddle pan just

grill these. The griddle pan gives us that nice, lovely, delicious

charred lines. This is really, we are doing it as a starter, but it

could be something for Christmas, Tim. A nice little Christmas treat.

I do love Christmas. I just think it should be just one month of it.

Just go tor it. It is pretty much. It is what most people do from

December. I quite like the idea of shopping now, though, I wasn't

enjoying the lead up because I was so crazy businessy. So I'll try to

be a bit organised. Shop online. I do the trapsing up and down in

the shops looking for the perfect gift. I still like going to the

shops shops. I like a bit of both, me. I don't do much online. Will we

be making any Christmas cakes or anything? I don't ever make my own

Christmas cake. Is that wrong? are we doing with this? You can

smell it already, lovely, intense peanut smell as the oil heats up.

Let's imagine these have a nice golden colour on them. Pop the pea

nuts in there. Chuck all the shallots into there, Tim. I've

chopped a chilli. We fry those out for a couple of minutes. Blend

those so they become nice and smooth. Good. Give that a stir

around. You don't want too much oil. There is plenty of oil in the pea

nuts. That will do you. Lovely, really, really nice. That will do,

Tim. The more you toast them, the more intense that smell is. That

will give you a deeper flavour into your satay. That goes into the pan

with the shallots and chilli. You would ideally cook those out for

about three or four minutes to soften them. As the aubergines char

turn those over so they soften. We then add chilli powder which will

give us... When you taste this, you will get a big kick. The front,

you'll get the nice spice and chilli. Then you'll get a long,

lingering taste in there. In goes the sugar. A bit of garlic. Lou, if

you'd like to thread the aubergines on the sticks. What did you put in

there? Soft brown sugar. What's What's that? Soy sauce. Put them on

the skewers. Lovely toasted pea nuts and chal lots and chilli.

Lovely smell. This, as a crumb, if, for example, you cooked pork chops

tonight, if you cooked that and used it to spripgle as a crumb its

delicious on a peace of meat. We're turning this into a sauce. We add

our magic ingredient, water. We cook that out for about 15-20

minutes. Add water, reduce, add more. This is our lovely delicious

satay sauce. You can see how thick that is. Again, I'll bring that

down to a slightly more pouring consistency. I've left them like

this. Is that betteder? Perfect. Now we've massively intense flavour.

We squeeze some lemon juice into this right at the end so the lemon

juice stays nice and fresh. If you put it in too early, the heat of

the pea ds nuts and lemon, it will become sour. We want this to be a

fresh lemony kick. To serve this, those, if we're going to do this as

a can pay, you can have those on a plate with the satay sauce to dip

into. What we're going to do for presentation, little bit of simple,

plain boiled rice. We go, one, two, three. Always has to be odd numbers.

We simply spoon this lovely satay sauce over the top like that. I'll

give you a little bit there to dip into. That's it. Go for it. Dead,

dead simple. Nice. You can make tons and tons of it. It's quite hot.

Really nice. So often you see satay sauce made with pea nut butter.

What are we making next? Beef The aubergine satay skewers are at

bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend. I love a bit of satay. Cameron

Thompson is a 13-year-old with Asperger's who is studying for a

maths degree in a charming tale of his life in Wrexham, his school and

his struggles. This is The Growing Pains of a Teenage Genius. Cameron

wants to make friends in the real world. The new neighbourhood could

mean new friends. I'm Cameron Thompson. I'm kind of a maths

genius. I'm doing a degree in maths. I have done maths GCSEs, two of

them, and a maths A-level. My certificate of mathematics was a

distinction. Sometimes tact, it goes right over his head! He's got

no contact? No. Or you could have 3.579 time 10s to the 20... Naive

would be the best word for it. is quite sweet? It is. He is a

brilliant kid. He couldn't do enough for anybody. If you have two

Sky Plus HD boxes... We do have a 50-inch TV in the living room. Our

old house had a jacuzzi... Nice. He's also very sensitive as well.

Do you know what age you are? Reading age? Yes. 16-plus. Mine's

12. I'm not joking. See ya. Got to go. Seemed like nice guys. You can

experience The Growing Pains of a Teenage Genius on Monday at 9.00pm

on BBC Three. BBC Three is where all the best shows are! Our first

guests are the omni-present stars Steve and Becky in BBC Three's most

watched sitcom, Him And Her. It is like a fairy story. One minute she

is on the perfume counter. The next minute on X Factor. They put her

through to boot camp. She didn't make the finals because it's fixed.

All I'm saying is everything happens for a reason. You make your

own luck in this world. You got a bit of toothpaste on your cheek!

have a spot coming, Steve. Dries the skin out. You both look

absolutely lovely. Oh, Becky! You'll be the ones with the

hangovers! LAUGHTER Nice. Welcome to Something For The Weekend

Russell and Sarah. How you doing? Very good. Thank you for having us.

How many takes for that? Did it in one! It was a tinned peach at one

point. There were a couple of eggs going through. You cheat! Him And

Her, what a success. It is great. It's the BBC Three's biggest sitcom,

is that right? Think so. It is back for the second... For anyone who

hasn't watched it, give us a rundown? It is about a couple

called Becky and Steve who - it is a love story set in a bedsit where

they never leave. It never leaves the confines of the flat. They are

on benefits, they don't have jobs. They want to be with each other,

love each other, and eat toast. toast! I never got the benefits bit,

though. I assumed it was a Saturday or a Sunday. You are always

hungover. They are not going out, ever! I thought it was set at the

weekend. It must be tough to act in a confined place all the time with

mainly the two of you? I suppose in a lot of shows there's lots going

on, there's lots to act to. You have got each other? Yeah. Luckily,

we get on very well. We do, yeah. That helps. You are in one space

for eight weeks filming. We do go stir crazy sometimes so you have to

go off set and jump around. must have a close relationship and

almost understand what's coming next? I know it is scripted, but

how someone is going to play something? Yeah. We are lucky that

we do. It was quite an intense audition process. They worked

through like loads of boys and girls, teamed them up together. The

last auditions I had to snog five girls, you had to snog five boys

and they picked the snog made in heaven. Was that tough?

nightmare(!) You loved it! producered picked the scene where

we snog. Shows what perverts work in television. Is it like doing a

play, then? Yes. Monday morning we come in and we perform, we have

rehearsed it and we perform the whole half-hour of the piece. We

know all the lines so it is like a promenade theatre piece. It is like

a play for today. Then we start shooting five minutes a day in

sequence, five or six minutes a day, and we shoot in sequence each

episode. Everyone gets asked this. It is more prevalent to your sitcom.

Did you think from the moment you read the script that the show would

be successful as it is now? It is so limited, isn't it? I loved the

script when I read it. I hadn't read anything that was so truthful.

It was such a great female character to play. We had no idea

how people would take it. We didn't know whether they would find it

funny, whether they would be repulsed by it. It works because

the acting is so good in it. I don't think the programme would

work if the acting wasn't as natural. You do believe that you

are just two people at home. If it felt heavily-acted, it would be

quite weird to watch. Yeah. That is the beauty of the writing. The

writing is so good and the direction is so good that you do

believe this world exists. Yes. actors are all spot on. It is like

the Royale Family. I don't know how much comedy acting you have done,

is this a comedy role, this? It is written as a comedy. It is more

like an observational comedy. It is more kind of just observing someone

being naturally funny. Like life, in a relationship you laugh at the

mundane aspects of each other. went to Cambridge, Sarah, and did

the whole comedy thing. That was your kind of thing. For you,

Russell, you have done a lot of other stuff? I got kicked out of

college. What was the Cambridge Footlights - you were the Vice-

President... Were you? Didn't you know that?! You would do something

called a smoker, which is a show, so we started writing and

performing every two weeks, which was a good practice. It was a great

time. You were with Simon Bird and Joe Thomas Inbetweeners? Yeah.

many people have come out of Cambridge over the years? Yeah.

there rivalry between Oxford and Cambridge. Like the rowing? I don't

remember being rivals. We used to do studenty shows, Durham, Oxford

and Cambridge would do comedy nights. Everyone knows Cambridge

Footlights is better! We can go through the names. There's too many

names. Oxford had Michael Palin, Al Murray, Katy Brand. You had Clive

Anderson, Bill Oddie, Emma Thompson. So many! All these people, there is

a tendency to think of Oxford or Cambridge as being elitist, and so

many people came from comprehensive schools, so anyone who is thinking

of applying to Oxbridge, you should do it. I was a bit thick at school!

All I did was play football. The biggest amounts of tweets we have

had in this morning - like this one, is Being Human doing another

series? Yes, it is filming now. That will be out next year, early

next year. You probably can't tell us anything about it, can you?

Just a little bit? I play a werewolf! LAUGHTER When will they

make that into a film? It has to be next. Put it out there. I don't

know. I think it would be amazing if they did. Are people talking

about that? You are. Let's build it up! Tweet it. What else is going on

for the two of you? You do loads of other projects and you write, Sarah,

as well? Yes. You know people for what they do and then you read

about other things - writing - and you think wow, so many strings to

your bow? I have a few projects in development. I'm about to start

rehearsal for a play. Russell and Sarah will be staying with us to

make dessert. Sarah will cast her eyes over ten of the best Christmas

presents for women. You can't wait to see them(!) Keep tweeting

questions for them - @SFTW or bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend.

Time to glue your eyes to your screen and try to find a thing that

unites everything you see, the year # Bah-deng... #

The Duke and Duchess of York are to separate. Lawyers have confirmed

they have begun discussions about a formal separation. Ossie Ardiles

has left his job as manager at Newcastle United. This is the only

job I have ever wanted. Trams have returned to Manchester for the

first time in more than 40 years. Many other towns are watching the

experiment closely. I never saw that film, did you see

it? No. But there was a football story in there. Kevin Keegan. Ossie

Ardilis teams were brilliant. Keegan carried on with the

attacking theme. Early '90s? '93. I really don't know. '92. How does

Kevin Keegan rate as Liverpool legends in your mind? No. He

doesn't. The weird thing about him, he was the first player who

announced he wanted to leave the club. When he went to Hamburg in

'77, when we won the European Cup for the first time, Keegan was

fouled and Phil Neal scored the penalty, but all that season Keegan

said he was going to go. At the time, no-one ever did that. So he

had lost a little bit of... I think Keegan was brilliant. Loved him as

a player, loved him as a manager. I have gone '92. You have gone '93.

One of us will be correct. As always, time for your photos of our

recipes. It's all been pumpkin and coconut loaf this week. Four lovely

coconut loaf this week. Four lovely ladies here. Just a normal night

there obviously! Tim, you appear on this one. You popped round to her

house in Sheffield - she is a primary school teacher. She made

you the salmon... They were fantastic. The house was a bit... I

needed to open the windows. It was the salmon ticker! It was a good

night? Yes. That was good. Then this is Joanne... It is quite good,

though. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? We want more of those!

Finally, we have Joanne from Leicester, again with the pumpkin

and coconut loaf. Good work. So - there's loads more down there. If

you are going to have a go at any of today's recipes, e-mail them at

bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend or tweet @SFTW. Get Wayne in there

having a cocktail. We are going to make this pie now. Everyone was

mucking about this on Twitter last night. You have beef, venison, and

oyster. Why not poached egg, cheese... Deep-fry it, too! That

together? Beef and oyster is an old-school combination. Oysters

were always cheap and plentful. It is venison season. Beef and venison

work well together. It is a twist on a traditional pie. We've oysters,

beef, venison. Then a marinade of red wine, beef stock and stout.

That will be lovely. We've garlic, bayleaves, tomato puree, onion,

tomato, flour and thyme, and some pastry. Is this surf and turf?

original suffer and turf. I like that, brilliant! Tip over that wine,

stout and stock. Venison was the meal that got me knocked out of

MasterChef. It is a tough thing to get right. I think I cooked it to

prefection, I think you'll find. You can't overcook it, can you?

it has so little fat. As soon as you overcook it, it's gone. In this

you'll cook it long? It hoos to be cooked really fast or really slow.

If you have a fillet of venison you want to cook it really quickly. You

never want to cook a fillet of venison to being anything other

than rare. There is so little fat it tightens and tightens an becomes

horrible. Or do a really, long, slow cook. Amazing. Smells amazing.

You marinade that overnight. The longer you marinade it, the longer

the flavour will last and you tenderise the meat. We'll seal off

the beef. We're sticking this in a pie. You could turn it into a

casserole. You'd let this marinade overnight. If you fancy making this,

make it for tomorrow. What you do is make this today, marinade it

today and make the pie tomorrow. is a bit of a treat for Monday

night. Monday night is usually left overs with mashed potatoes.

world's changed, Tim. That's what I used to have to eat, horrible cold

lamb and mashed potato. That's good. We need to return to those days.

parents lived in the war and liked to pretend they were still in the

war. Did you nought have eels? have a knees up! Is it the only

night you didn't have a sing to give the vocal chords a rest? Being

a family from Merseyside we'd sing every night. Or sing. Make peel

laugh. Tell jokes. We had a microphone. Hone your skills. We

always had double stand-up comedy on a Monday at school. Liverpool!

We're sealing the meat off. We sprinkle a little flour on to there

which is the base of our sauce. I'm isle sealing it off, slice the

onion and garlic. Sliced or diced? We'll have slices in this. It is

nice in a pie. You'd seal this off for a good few minutes until you

have a nice bit of colour on all sides. Let's pretend that's

happened, Tim. We tip that out. You can see all these nights bits of

flour in there. We've some good flavour from the beef and venison.

A touch another more isle in -- more oil in there. A butter in. We

melt that down. All these lovely bits of flower -- flour become our

sauce. With a wooden spoon work it in. Do you ever think you're

turning into your parents? All the time. Where am I putting this? In

there? Yeah. As a teenager you wanted to lie in. He'd open every

single window in the house so it is freezing. I've started doing that

in mine. "get out of bed". I've started pom -poming. What's that?

When you walk from room to room going, pom, pom, pom, pom skhraps

Do you whistle? Not a proper whistle. A half whistle. Can't you

whistle? I cack. My dad. Go on then! I have gofld, I must admit,

checking raid eighters are hot, which my dad does all the time.

Sorry, dad, this is a terrible character assassination. He's

probably quite proud of it. Good work, son. Good work. Stp There's

never been a problem with our heating system. I always do the

slightly jaunty skip. I haven't done that! I did it at a party. I

couldn't believe it. I was getting up to go to the loo. I did a little

one of those. Your dad did that? Yeah. My dad's had more hip ops

than Dr Dre. My dad walks a bit like that. Like he's street!

other thing I quite like as I get older, I like the fact, now I have

a teenage daughter, my Flois 14, I remember my dad being really good

at embarrassing us as a teenager. That's what you wait for. You do Go

from that proud moment of having children... Have you done my lumps

too big? That's good. They'll sweat down anyway. The flour will give us

this bit of a roux. You do this, cook this out for six or seven

minutes or so on a low heat so we caramelise the puree to get depth

of flavour in there. I love pom- poming. Great. Is that part of your

stand-up routine? I have nick that had expression. I did think I might

have nicked it from Sean from 6 Music. A bit of our marinade goes

in. We don't waste the marinade on this. Normally you'd do with with

flour, butter and milk. Same principle. Add a bit of the stock.

Add a little more of our delicious stock. We keep blplg it up and

building it up. -- building it up. You don't want to add loads of this,

Tim. You'll have bits of lumps in there otherwise. We'll stir that as

it comes together. It is fast. Because we cooked the flour out

this will happen really, really quickly. All of that goes in. Add

more and more. As it gets loser, you can add more. Reduce this.

Bring it up to the boil. Let it cook out for 10-15 mins. It reduces

to a thicker gravy. We then add the meat. You want to get some nice

colour on there. All of the meat goes in. You cover this and cook it

for a minimum of two hours. We want this to be soft and tender. It is a

long process worth every single second. Is it a slow sizzle, type

thing? What's the expression? Under-boiling? In the pressure

cooker or the oven. Simmer, cha's what I was looking for! Thank you,

Claire. In go the oysters. This's weird! Smell it. You get the

delicious smell of the beef, venison and oysters.Ee, It's a bit

weird, Simon. Yes, here we have our pie. With 30 seconds to go we spoon

all of that into there. Slightly raw! Then, what we do, Tim, is,

role this out. It is a proper pie which I love. Bit of flour on.

There role it out to get it as big as that. Meanwhile, a bit of egg

wash. Oh dear! Pom, pom, pom! not started pom, poming yet. I'm

still singing chart hits. These radiators are nowhere near hot

enough, yet. I'll have to bleed them! Let's sit that on top of our

pie. I haven't done it... That's do. We'll repair it. It'll hold

together. Basically, a bit of flour on there and a quick press round

like that. Right. I really do enjoy it when you're running out of time.

We've run out of time. We didn't do that bit! When you cut round the

edge, it's that. Make sure you're coming round. All yours. Let me do

that. This is good. How long are we cooking this for? For about 25-30

minutes. Until your pastry is crisp and golden. It will cook for a long

time, this meat. Yeah, that's why it will be delicious. -- A lot of

egg wash on there. So when it comes out... I'm excited about this. But

slightly apprehensive about the oysters. Will the oysters be

slightly slimy. I don't mind them after trying them on the show. I've

had them since. They will all sit beautifully together. It will be

slightly salty and fishy. The oysters always taste of vinegar and

garlic. That's what you put in there. Look at that. Smell that now.

You can smell a little bit of the sea. There it is. A lovely oyster

to sit alongside like that. Glorious. With it, we serve

traditional pie accompaniments. A little bit of mash. A little bit of

cabbage. It is almost a cocky knees-up up of a meal. Can I dive

in there? Do you mind if I take the oyster? Please do. What, beef,

venison and oyster? Yeah. What a combow. Long slow cook. Nice, for

breakfast? I don't eat venison. I quite fancy cabbage and mashed

potato. That's good. He does stand up every night in his house. Roind

the Rimmers. The oyster's amazing. You can leave it out if you don't

like the idea of it. Wh what's for dessert? A really delicious strange

thing, pop-up cakes. Yum. That dessert recipe is on our website.

Email questions to Russell or Sarah or Mark. Tom Hollander is back for

a second series of award-winning vic-com and is planning to take

some problem kids out for the day some problem kids out for the day

to the seaside. This is Rev. Who's looking forward to our trip

to Dover? Hands up? Hands up who's never been to the seaside before?

Hand up who's seen a cow. Well, you can see some more on Saturday. And

see if they lay eggs. We're going to see the White Cliffs. They have

an incredible history. They're a natural wonder. Yes, Courtney.

we go shopping there? No, it's a cliff. Is it outdoors? Yes, it it's

out doors. I hate outdoors. I like inside like Bluewater. And it'll

sting. It is like TV and games with military hitsry, if you're lucky. A

lady is going to talk to you. not going on this trip. You can't

make me. Hello, children. My name You can congregate for Rev on

Thursday at 9.00pm on BBC Two. guest now is a great friend of the

show. A great peeler. He's in the middle of his 64-date stand-up

comedy tour. He's performing in places picked by his fans online.

Friends say I can never do a Welsh accent. If I do it, it comes out as

Pakistani. They said, you should try to master it Ahmed! How are you

doing way up there? Good. Odd seeing people in individual boxes

like that. Like an Advent calendar! First time I heard that song Hotel

California which goes on stpor ages and builds to a suss Spenceful end,

you can check out any time you like but never leave. Strong policy, my

sad -- dad said. Can I have a Pringle? I can't eat it. I'll

crunch my way through. Nice to have it. Almost like a pet. I'll stick

it in my jacket pocket. If there are points when things are not

going well this evening, I can That is from his Request Stops Tour.

Do your shows vary in length? I grabbed a Pringle, took it and

spent 20 minutes talking about that. If you are coming to see me live,

you shouldn't make any plans for days around it! Don't plan to get a

train home. Certainly don't book travel in advance! There are times

I have to lay on buses to take them home to their families. If you want

to watch me, that is the commitment you have to make! You have to write

off the rest of your life. I did your sports show - what was that

one called? Mark Watson Kicks Off. It was soon crushed to death.

was very good. It was all right. you were there live, it was quite

good. It took three-and-a-half hours to film. You were having gags.

It was funny. It might have been that - the filming budget eclipsed

ITV4's budget for the year! Being an ex-producer, I would spend the

whole time thinking how are they editing this into half an hour?

the answer is they chopped it up and said, "That will do,

hopefully!" The show never happened again after that. It was all right.

It was brilliant. A bit of a nightmare to edit. I assume this

isn't going out live. You are fine. You will still be on tomorrow

morning. It will be if you ask me to peel something! We had footage

of you peeling - we had you peeling on the show and it was a bizarre

thing. My history of cooking on this show is checkered. It's not

been the best. Your tour is called the Request Stops Tour. The general

public, your audience, decided where you were going to go, how did

that work? Every time I mentioned I'm doing tour dates, people would

always say, "Why aren't you coming to Shrewsbury?" I started thinking

if people are going to get upset, maybe I'll let them - it is like

when you have kids, you choose your dinner then! You don't like the

tour schedule, you write it! It's my bluff that's been called because

I have to go to some unbelievable places. Do you go to all of them?

Pretty much. A few I haven't been able to do because it was

Afghanistan, or a war zone! Pretty much any - most of them I have...

What about the size of venues? Are you playing different venues?

of them are big theatres. I have taken on some that are village

halls. I did one there was an amateur production of Oliver Twist

when I got in there. I'm dog a couple where I'm not sure if they

own a microphone. I went on one, the thing they got before me was

like a Gardeners' Question Time thing. How are you plotting your

way around the country? Someone's arranged it, but it's a sequence of

a mad man's mind. It may as well be random. Do the audiences vary from

each place, like if you are in one of the smaller village halls, it

must be quite entertaining? They vary quite a lot, in more upmarket

theatres, you have more of a comedy audience. There are places where

people think, "I have never seen anything like this before." It

makes it more fun. If you are in an odd venue, you spend half your time

- I'm easily distracted. Having those audiences give you good

leverage? Yes, you can see on my DVD performance, I still got into

someone's private box. If I'm in a ramshackled venue, there is no

limit to the stuff I can do. Is the Request Stops Tour finished? It's

finished, for now. For now - but I might be do another tour. You are

still blogging every day? I'm still blogging every day. People are

still requesting things but now I have to say, "We'll see what we can

do next year." Do people still request their favourite jokes?

Maybe they can choose what clothes I wear. Ultimately, I will be a

robot. Shows you the power of blogging and being in touch with

your audience. It does. It is amazing. Interactive. It never used

to happen before. Did you say you were going to go - you have a live

DVD out. Nice of you to mention that! Are you in competition...

pure coincidence that I'm appearing on TV quite a lot at the moment. We

tend to be in the same boat. there not any rivalry? In music, if

you have a record out the same week, you are looking at where your

record is, but you are looking at where that other person is thinking,

"I hope I go in higher than them." There are times when you are in the

dressing room with Russell Kane and you look at each other - one of us

is going down! We would like to see that as - maybe a celebrity boxing

thing. Yeah, it would be a no-score draw. It feels like lately there's

been more and more stand-up comics. There's a lot of shows for

comedians to go and show their work. It seems to be popular at the

moment. It is a weird thing. It does mean comedy is getting cooler

and more rock 'n' roll, which is the opposite of what it should be

like in a way. It is strange. It is good. You were at Cambridge

Footlights as well. Yes, I was. With a stand-up, it is not as cool

to admit. I was in the ghetto for most of that time. Cambridge and

the Oxford Review, most people become comedy actors. How many come

out and become stand-ups? Not that many. There are a handful. There

are far more people like Simon Bird - most of them do tend to -

Cambridge Footlights is about sketches. When I became a stand-up,

I never mentioned - my first paid gig that I did, this guy was this

ancient Scottish guy, he took me aside and said, "You don't have to

worry about all the idiots from Cambridge!" Yeah. It was a long

evening. He drove me home and I spent the whole time thinking...

Don't mention Cambridge. Do the Cambridge Footlight people go,

"He's gone stand-up?" It is funny. I wasn't that involved in that

either. It was mostly sketches. I rarely popped up. I was - I was in

a Cambridge Footlights show where I had to play a character of death,

but as a Welshman. All right. Mark will be trying to cook a dish with

Simon. Trying?! Tweet @SFTW or e- mail us via

bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend. This is still what's to come on

today's show: It's not brilliant being a musk ox

in Frozen Planet. DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: The whole herd

encircles a calf with a protective wall of horns.

Simon tackles a salt cod brandade. There's big comedy in Life's Too

Short. I thought you were joking. kitchen with us. They are going to

be doing some cooking. Do you cook? I love cooking. I like to do

Persian food. Curries, that kind of thing. That is exciting. We have

had a long conversation. Russell, any good? Shocking. Terrible.

a good eater. Who does all the cooking? Eat out, cereal, biscuits.

It is a bit like Him And Her. eggs! I have to ask you. You are

from Billericay. You are an Essex man. What do you think of The Only

Way Is Essex? It is a great representation(!) I went to school

in Brentwood. I used to hang out at the Sugar Hut for a bit. The two

twins were in my class at school. don't watch it. They are great. I

love it. Who is your favourite? Arge and Lydia. Who is your

favourite? I don't watch it either. What are we making? Pop-up cakes.

This is a massive craze in the States. We make the sponge first of

all. We have egg, milk, flour, baking powder, red food colouring,

passion fruit. Butter, icing sugar, lavender, so that nice perfume in

there. Then we have jam, raspberries and hundreds and

thousands there. Sarah, cream together the butter and sugar. We

make a simple sponge. Beautiful. Why do you think Essex is always

such a high-profile county? I was talking to Sarah about that. It has

a warmth about it. Everyone tends to be flashy. You are doing a good

job. I'll crack some eggs in there. It is like our Hollywood, you know

what I mean? You mean that as well! Yeah. What do you think, Sarah?

are right. Thank you. It has a glamorous, open, very warm kind

of... Are you from Essex? No! knows all about it! I think it's

good that it is getting a good name. People have always been obsessed

with Essex, back to the Essex girl jokes. Yet Kent is very similar.

is not the same. Why? The people are similar. Isn't it? The

countryside looks similar? I don't know why. There is something about

Essex that captures people's imaginations. I suppose it is like

the gangsters all moved out there after they made loads of money

killing people. Then they brought big houses out there. You are

selling it! You wonder whether the equivalent of Essex exists in every

country. Every country has that area where there is... Is this

beautifully mixed? Perfect. We have butter, sugar and food colouring.

What we do next is chuck in the flour, we chuck in the milk, we

chuck in our baking powder and start stirring that now. Now we

have taken away the electric whisk so we have a more gentle mixing so

we don't overwork it. Is there a difference using a metal spoon and

a wooden spoon? What a fascinating question. It is. If you are doing

it in a metal bowl, you shouldn't use a metal spoon. You know what...

I wouldn't worry about it too much. OK. What we are looking for - that

is a delicate batter. Russell, for you, we need you to scoop out some

of the flesh from the passion fruits into there. Oh no! Into

where? Into THERE! We have raspberrys in there as well. This

is a nice cake mix on its own. This, as it stands, is quite beautiful.

LAUGHTER Hang on. Forget that one. I'm going to help. Please help.

it back in there. LAUGHTER From the passion fruit bird! It smells

lovely(!) Spoon all of that into there, Sarah. So we make a flat

cake. That's fine, boys. You have done well. Have you put baking

powder and bicarb in? We have both. She wants her own show! Would you

like to do that? I would love to do a cooking show around the world and

visit them in their kitchens. I have really thought about it!

Preferably on prime-time BBC Two! Did you see that brilliant Keith

Floyd thing where he was cooking for that French woman and he said,

"Your food is rubbish!" Sarah made us a chocolate Brownie cake the

other day. We went and got a roast dinner in town together and she had

made a cake. When you took the cake to the restaurant... Are you

genuine friends off telly? We have had a roast together. Simon and me

are as well. We are REAL friends. You can't hide that, can you.

to lick the spoon? No, I'm all right. Want to lick the spoon?

Then we cook this... Can I eat it raw? Is that all right? LAUGHTER

end up with this delicious cake. Wow! That was quick. Russell, we

need to cut out loads of circles. These are our bizarre... Where do

you get these from? A specialist cake supplier. If you haven't got

these... You could improvise with a toilet roll! A baked bean tin and a

stick! Russell, loads of circles from that. What we have done with

our frosting, this has been butter, icing sugar, lavender, food

herbs in cocktails. I had a cocktail with Sage on it. Something

with lavender. I had a cocktail and they put Sage on top of it. I had a

pudding with strawberries and basil. With this lovely frosting... Do you

think they are running out of ideas? Chefs? Let's stick venison

with oysters! Don't know what you mean, Tim. Sarah, we put a piece of

cake down there. Shall I keep going? Strawberry and mustard.

reckon it would work. I don't like coriander. All you can taste is

that in everything. Don't. I'm with you, there. I'm not allowed talk

about it any more. I'm left-handed. So squirt? We want it straight down.

You need to hold it slightly differently. Are you saying there's

something wrong with my squirting? You want to have it between your

thumb and forefinger. Then hold the bag like that. Wrap it round. We

go... Like a teeth? Like that. See how beautiful that is. Oh, OK.

Let's quickly make another one. So you can do a bit of squirting. Bit

of that. Bit of that. And then round we go! Yep! On the top as

well. We wend up with these rather delightful cake pops like this.

we put those on? We have a raspberry on the top. And we have

hundreds and thousands. If you'd like to come round, Sarah and

Russell. Basically you push them up and eat as you go with your spoon.

One for you. Mark, how lovely to see you. You two, Simon.

Thursday, it is my three-year-olds birthday. There may be a lot of E

numbers. What is Mark, making? cod Brad dad Wayne is mixing

cocktails next. Now your ultimate opportunity to guess the year from

the headlines, chart hit and film the headlines, chart hit and film

in Deja View. The Duke and Duchess of York will separate. Buckingham

Palace confirmed lawyers acteding for the Duchess are in discussions

about a formal separation. Ozzie are dill ace has left his job as

manager of Newcastle United. He'll be succeeded by Kevin Keegan.

There's no job in football I've ever wanted. This is the only job

I've wanted. Trams will return to Manchester in an attempt to ease

congestion. If the experiment works other towns may follow suit. #

day... # Do you hear that? That's the future of dance and no-one is

What year would SL2 have been on a ragga tip? I went 1992. Simon went

1919 3 -- 1993. I'll go 1994. Cocktails? South American. One

based on cachaca. And a pisco punch. We haven't used pisco a lot. It is

a fabulous spirit from Chile. They grow a dundantly. The national

spirit of Chile and Peru is pisco. It is really fresh. A lovely

holiday drink. Is pisco spelt the same as disco? I've never heard of

it. Normally, a traditional caipirinha is lime, sugar and

cachaca. We've pink grape fruit wedges. Is that the only thing

that's different. Making it Pinky. Yeah, and pomegranate liqueur. You

need to use caster sugar. The sugar cuts into the peel. Like

exfoliating. Some people use sugar exfoliating. Some people use sugar

syrup. It cuts into the fruit. A lot more into the peel. Pink grape

fruit, crushed down. Crushed ice. A ton of crushed ice in there. Add a

good slug of cachaca. This is a lovely holiday drink.

pomegranate liqueur. Gives if a lovely colour. Give it is swizle.

Mixed flavours together. Why not put this over ice and shake it up?

You get too much dilution. Because you've crushed ice it holds the

flavours. Crush is all together and capture the flavour with crushed

ice. A slice of pink grape flute and -- grape fruit and pomegranate

over the top. A pink caipirinha. Delicious and so simple. Somebody

said to me the other day why do you say the cocktails are delicious.

Because they are. Simple! There's not a lot to go wrong. I imagine

this will taste delicious. I'm not sharing. It has grape fruit. It's

really fresh, just really nice. beautiful. This one, a bit of

wintry flavour. Cloves in there. And pineapple. It's a pisco punch.

This was served from steam ships to Chile they would have a pisco punch.

Can't say that when I'm drunk! Pisco punch! It has pineapple.

Clove, lemon juice, orange juice, equal measures. Syrup sugar for

sweetening. Then our pisco. Disco and pisco! We've our pineapple

liqueur. The pisco. I've started you off, haven't I, mate? And a

nice splash of white wine. I love all of that, Wayne. What have you?

Pineapple, cloves, pineapple liqueur, pisco and Chilean white

wine. Some people use champagne but I like the wine.

Lovely flavours will come out there. We sit leer like children waiting.

This stuff's amazing. Spells delicious. What is it? It's brandy.

Muscat grapes. Wine brandy. Muscat grapes. Really simple, lovely

flavours. Delicate. It will become fashionable. Three pineapple laefs.

A lovely pisco punch. Can I have a straw, please. That's nice and

fresh. Lovely south American flavours to get us in the mood for

the cold weather. That's good as well. Really good. Pineapple and

clove is a really good combination. Thanks Wayne those cocktails are on

our website. David Attenborough's scored yet another hit with his

latest fantastic series. It is summer in the Arctic and the wolves

are on the lookout for thier next are on the lookout for thier next

meal in Frozen Planet plan heavily armoured bull would be an

unwise choice. Even two wolves would find it a struggle to bring

it down. The two wolves work together to

slit the herd and isolate their victim.

-- split the heard and is late It seems the wolf cubs will, at

last, eat well. The cavalry ride to the rescue. The

whole herd encircles the calf with You can have a Wild Night In with

Frozen Planet on Wednesday at 9.00pm on boob one. Now some things

for the weekend. Nikki is here. We're looksing at ten gifts for

ladies for Christmas. Yes, hence the hat. These are things you think

we should be buying. Some ideas for the ladies in your life. Grandma,

girlfriend, wife. Hopefully Sarah will back me up. Some of these may

not be up Up Your Street. All I want this Christmas Advent calendar.

This is super. It is �80. You will get 24 little giflts. This is

perfect if you had your eye on perfect if you had your eye on

somebody. If you got them one of these, they will be will be opening

a little present from you every morning. What do you think of that?

It is all in the packaging. When you take the packagingingsing away,

is there anything for you? Little products. Lippi. Hand cream.

much? �80. It is for the flash guy who wants to impress. Next one.

Emily Peacock kiss and hug needlepoint sets. They are craft

make and do... You're laughing already. Do you like Kirsty's Home-

made Home? You can make something like this? Yes. That's great.

comes like this. You make it for a gift. Tim's in hysterics. Would you

not sit at home and do this? can't imagine. As a woman!

could use it as a draft-stopper. Could you like to receive that as a

gift? I wouldn't mind. I think it is quite pretty. �100 for the set.

Not cheap. You can buy them individually. �100 to make your own

pillow! Next. You're hard work, you. We've a selection of books here. Do

you like these. Lovely designs? Next one's jewellery! Next one's

Julie. We'll do that. Andrea Garland vintage Julie. We have the

ring and broach. I have the necklace. It has lipbalm in as well.

It is multi-purpose. I like that. Very cute. I can tell Tim likes it

as well. A grin from ear to rather. Ladies will like this. When I

envisage presents for ladies I imagined shoes, handbags, they work.

Perfume works. Hate perfume. Disgusting stuff. Jewellery.

Jewellery. And underwear. They are the staples. Guys, if you're buying

underware, get the ride right size. Too big or small you're in trouble.

Selection of books here. Really pretty designs. We've got the

modern classics there. Perfect for an aunty, grandma or ladies who

like pretty things. The designs are good. Never judge a book by its

cover. So, what's inside? A variety of different titles. 12-99- � 1616

.99. A great stocking filler. This is the Powerspin. You go. I can

feel the burn already! Wow! Look. This is to get rid of bingo wings.

Trim the arms. It also works the abs as well. You've done that

before, haven't you? That's �19 .99. Careful to buy that for a lady who

hasn't asked for it. It could be offensive. Especially if you put

bingo wings in the card. How much there's Ben on the Wii. It is not

out yet. It will be released for Christmas. It is �40 for the Wii.

Fun for all the family. This will work on Christmas Day. That is a

good present! Ben's a better present. He is cut! Ripped! Look at

him go! LAUGHTER Not looking camp at all! What's this? This is the

Clarisonic Poppy Mia. It's a facial cleansing system. You probably

can't see them there. You put your facial cleanser on and move it over

the face. It is twice as effective at getting rid of dirt from the

face. That is all right. LAUGHTER Might be a bit bet. One of the

girl's tested that. These are Merrimaking Animal Hoods. They are

from �25. You can get them... You are looking good! You can get them

made bespoke, so you can choose your lining. Which way?! LAUGHTER

Just like that! Perhaps if you have not got a good looking partner you

could ask them to wear it backwards?! Maybe not. You can have

things stitched inside. This is our idea if you are on a budget, we

have a selection of jars from �3.99 to �28. Fill them with your

favourite things. They have a nice present on Christmas Day, made with

a bow. They can use it in the kitchen afterwards. The last one?

We have the Spineless Classics Poster. This is the largest one in

the collection. It is �55.99 unframed. You can get a variety of

the books that aren't quite as big. It is the whole Pride and Prejudice

novel! Which one would you like for Christmas? I would go for the ABBA.

You? I will get my Mum that! you going to stitchit? No!

stitch it. For more information on any of those things, e-mail us via

our website - bbc.co.uk/somethingfortheweekend.

You will be back with men's next time. Yes. Thank you. If you like

Extras, you will love the fact that Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant

are back with Warwick Davies. Liam Neeson is trying to broaden his

repertoire in Life's Too Short. Here is some of the stuff I would

Here is some of the stuff I would like to work on. Improv, stand-up

comedy. Sketches. Slapstick. Anecdotes. Yeah? Yeah. You notice

this list? I'm always making lists. In fact, that's probably why Steven

Spielberg cast me. I said, "I make lists all the time." He said, "That

is what I am looking for." LAUGHTER What's funny? I thought you were

joking. No, you need stuff to draw Thursday at 9.30pm on BBC Two. Mark

Watson is joining myself and Simon in the kitchen. It makes cooking

easier! Or you don't know what you are doing! What do you mean?!

now people still talk about your very first appearance in our

kitchen, Mark. It was the most tweets I have ever had! LAUGHTER

Well, I failed to peel a potato. Both times I have cooked, it has

been appalling. It has been interesting. You are massively

left-handed. Massively talented! course! The trouble is, a lot of

left-handers... I seat sometimes, if that is what you mean. What are

we going to be teaching Mark? will make a salt cod brandade.

know the sort of thing. Salt cod that's been hydrated. You put it in

water, change the water, and you soak it for 24 hours and it

rehydrates. It is still salty. sure we have time to do that!

on your tour. Then we have garlic, lemon, parsley, butter, celeriac,

potatoes. We have milk here. We want to get rid more of the

saltiness. We chuck in clove of garlic and then we have the zest of

a lemon in there. What happens with the salt cod, it is made so that

it's preserved. You go to Scandinavia. This is... Can you buy

it? Yes. Like that. That is what you will buy. In a packet, though?

Yes. It is well packaged. It is not just like that. You can get this

everywhere? You can. Some supermarkets will sell it. It will

be a sell-out. This is salt cod! Yes. Quite often you will be able

to buy it in this form. So, what happens is we put the lemon zest,

the garlic, the milk. As that comes up to the boil, turn the heat off,

pop the fish in and let it sit there for 15 minutes and it will

cook. We end up with that. Mark, finally, if... Do you need my help?

Yes. I need you to spoon the potato into our ricer. Is that a masher?!

You not got one of these? No. I would love one of those. Get Louise

a masher. My mash is always lumpy. I can't seem to sort it out. I have

that! We can solve this problem. Can I have that one after? You can.

Press it through. We will press it through. Look at this! I can be

manly with it! I'm sorry, we have some quite nice... Is this how you

made your mash earlier? Yes. That was lovely. It is like a massive

garlic press. So you press any lumps, it is lump-free. Should have

been on the list. I have never seen one of them! Lou! Compared to our

celeriac, we will have to do traditional mashing. That is tough.

Because the celeriac is stringy, it is hard to put that through a

masher. Mark, that is brilliant. bet you find you eat a lot of

petrol station foodinging being on tour? Sometimes you have a chicken

pasty! I'm tired of the word "broad r brilliant" in a kitchen but that

is something -- I'm tired of the word "brilliant" in a kitchen, but

that is something! Tip all the celeriac into there, together with

all of this butter. All this goes in there? Or the other way. The

combination of all of them is together. We add no salt to this

and with the spoon start beating that together. Is this a popular

dish? It's something that you will see quite often in... I'm beating

it! Spanish restaurants do brandade as well. It is popular. It is be

quite watery if you don't cook it with something. It can be so watery,

but this will be beautiful. What we do with our cooked salt cod, half

of it we will flake. We have all of our bones in here. I will leave you

with the flaking task! I'm beating this! I will BEAT it! I tell you

what, it will be sorry it ever met me. You need to fold it in a bit

more. Yes, you might be right. You are always learning. Never stops.

That is life. It is lovely. Now salt cod, half of it will sit on

top. This other half, we shall chop so it is nice and fine. Mark, you

keep beating! If it stops getting beaten I will be surprised. Let me

ask you about The Mad Bad Ad Show? It is a panel show meets The

Apprentice. We have to do an advert for a product. Is it stand-up?

Will you have to do more acting? Acting is putting it strongly. We

get given a product that is unlikely - in the pilot I had to

make a bra for men and Micky had to make lingerie for animals and we

had to sell it. It will be quite good. Sounds good. It won't be

quite as good as my DVD. You have done a fantastic job today. That is

it. What we are looking for is this. It's a little bit sloppy. What?!

a controlled way. You are a bit sloppy! You know I get aggressive

in the kitchen! I know. This is the bit where it will get interesting.

We want a bit of that on there and then you go like that, like that,

like that. What you are doing is making these lovely shapes.

will be good at this. Spoon under. Spoon under. Spoon under. Then we

sit it on top of there. Over to you, Sir. Yeah! This is more like the

Krypton Factor. A bit goes in there, we spoon under - not quite. I was

going to ask you something... can ask me. Is it about when my DVD

comes out? We spoon under, we spoon under, we spoon under... LAUGHTER

It's kind of... Who is eating this!? This is mine. That's all

right. You want that? Yes. I need one more of those. I will spoon

under a bit more. We garnish this... OK. As Simon and Mark finish

OK. As Simon and Mark finish spooning under, over to Tim. Thank

you very much. The Deja View year where Kevin Keegan went back to

Newcastle and this song charted at number two was 1992. That was the

year. I got it right! Got loads of tweets in here. Every time the

music comes on you two keep dancing! Is Russell a good kisser?

Well, I make it a point never to kiss-and-tell. He is in my top

five! LAUGHTER You have kissed a lot of boys then! Emma82. Is your

dress vintage? It is. It is from a great vintage shop called Paper

Dress. It is beautiful. No-one else can get them? Hannah has loads of

lovely things. How old is it? from the '70s. It smells like it is

from t' 70s! LAUGHTER Are you going to try that? The food? I spooned

under. I don't like to start before everyone else! Please. I like the

look of yours. Come on! When you have made it yourself, it is not as

nice. LAUGHTER I will try this. And quickly, James, for you Russell,

when are you going to do another play? In the New Year. Possibly in

the West End. In February time. 2012. Yours starts in January?

Rehearsing soon? Yes. OK. Brilliant. Now, we have run out of time.

Massive thanks to Russell and Sarah and to Mark of course. Tune in next