23/10/2011 Something for the Weekend

Good morning. It's tone.00am. It's Sunday, the 23rd of October. We're

joined in the studio today by the man with the dandelion man who has

put rock 'n' roll into stand-up comedy.

And the wonderful Raith Small. Stay with us to have some Sunday

food, drink some Sunday cocktails. Yeah, welcome to Something For the

Weekend. Louise is off this week because she's ill. Get well soon.

Get well. Angellica Bell has stepped in. She's pregnant. I am.

It's not a pillow. How on earth did that happen? I am asking myself

that same question. Just remember, pregnancy is not an illness. Have

you felt good? There were three weeks where I thought, my gosh,

what is happening here? But most of the time I am upbeat. How long

until you give birth? Eight weeks. Could come today? Could. You have

your scrubs? Hot water, towels, a cup of tea. Nice. You have been to

the Good Food Show. It was fab. I was at the BBC Good Food Show in

Scotland. I was in a kilt. Here it is - no, that's not me in the kilt.

There it is. What was underneath? Do you know, I did bottle it. I did

actually wear underwear. I wasn't a true Scotsman. Jude made me a kilt.

It's great. It's very liberating. Have you ever worn won? No, I

haven't. Would you? Yeah, but I feel I shouldn't because isn't it

all heaped in history? I felt because my wife is Scottish, by

default I could do it. Your wife is Scottish? Yeah. How is that going

on? It's all right, you know? together. It was the Masterchef

final this week. Boo. You're booing because I am not in it, and Phil

won it. This is the moment he won it. Let's have a look.

Phil. I was robbed. It wasn't right. How

did he win? He already does a cooking slot on This Morning. He is

a chef, isn't he? It's cheating, absolutely. He stole the show

recently playing Emma's boyfriend in One Day, but he'll be telling us

about a new film, Anonymous, and what it's like taking direction

from Ridley Scott. This film, I went to see it the other day. It's

really good. I am going to see it. Don't give anything away. I have to.

Not too much. Not too much. It's all about a conspiracy theory how

Shakespeare didn't write his play. I'll explain more about that later

on. I have just finished reading a Shakespeare. Which one? William.

Plus, bill Baillie, described as a master of comedy, is here to give

us an insight into his extremely musical, extremely funny brain.

Don't forget to tell us your name when you e-mail via the web site. I

can't believe he gave me the live access - used to have to dig for

that for awhile. I am pregnant. Give me a break. Do you need a wee?

No. I went before I came on! E-mail us or Tweet us if you have

questions for Bill and Raith. What is cooking today? We have coal

and... Chalk, tar! Exactly. All the things you're craving. This is

lovely. This is a Middle Eastern dish, so king prawns. We have some

nigella seeds and tahini. The main course is sherry-braised chicken,

dead simple, on a winterish day. Always going on about - what is

going on with the weather? It's boiling - not boiling but... It's

pleasant is how I would describe it. I really want winter to kick in.

do. I am bored of the Indian summer. I love winter clothes. When I think

of winter, I think of labour. due on Christmas? 19th of December.

Everybody is going, "It's going to come Christmas Day." Yeah! Everyone

is going, oh! Think of the publicity! There is actually no

news at Christmas. A quiet time. You could be news. You could be the

news. Last year you got married, and it was all about show in New

York. All of those pictures of you and Michael in the snow in the

streets of New York. Were you jealous? Did it touch your heart?

Made me feel jealous. He's a good- looking boy. Today's dessert is

apple and passion fruit mer eng pie. What more could you want? Heaven.

Finally today, it's a sweet potato bhuna masala. You could add other

ingredients, but I want to show the main bulk of the curry is the

exciting bit of that. Lovely. Tasty. Thank you. You can follow all of

those recipes on the website. you can look forward to on the

show... British police have been murdered in a rich man's panic room.

Attenborough is back to explore the frozen planet. Millions of tonnes

of ice have lost the support of their rocky bed. And The

Impressions Show with Cull Shaw and Stephenson. Now, you've still got

another Dragon in here, so let me tell you where I am at.

Can't wait for all of that but we have to go over to Wayne. He's

going to tell us what cocktails I will not be tasting. I'll be under

the microscope from Mr Rimmer here because I am doing dessert-style

cocktails, pudding in a glass, lemon cheesecake and an apple

crumble. What? In a glass? Sounds sweet. Puddings in a glass. I am

not sure that's going to be my thing. I think that sounds nice.

Your thing, not mine. They come in after the pub, take some pudding,

vodka, puree it. They don't! course they do. They drink cider,

anyway, students. What are we going to make? Very tasty prawns. We have

some butter to cook them in, then the wet part of the sauce is lemon,

tahini, olive oil, mint and sumac, which is a great ingredient, a

spicy berry. You'll not be able to eat those, are you? They already

told me I can't. You can't eat shellfish, soft cheese, what else?

Pate. That's about it. What are you - are you doing any cravings at the

moment? None. I haven't had one craving at all. Supposedly your

cravings are the things your body requires? What the baby needs - I

love it you're so in touch with your feminine side. You have made

me go to the toilet. Do you need a wee? If you do, just go.

LAUGHTER What are you having, a boy or a

girl? I can't tell you that. Do you know? Yeah. Do you? Do you think

you can tell from the way I look? It's a boy, definitely a boy - 100%

- well, 50% - 50/50. Boy or a girl? Definitely a boy. Am I right? Am I

right? I'm not going to say! Let's get cooking. Did you find out?

my daughter, we did find out, then with Hamish, we did, I think

because we really liked the idea of having another girl. We thought, if

it was a boy, we didn't want to have that moment when you think,

it's a shame. So when we did, we were ready. I couldn't wait. I

wanted to find out. What's the point in waiting? I know. It's like,

the midwife knows and you don't - it's ridiculous. It's a control

thing there, Tim. We have toasted off the sesame seeds, the cumin

seeds, the nigella seeds, the hazel nuts, then we spoon all of this

into a mortar and pestel and grind it. You could put this into a spice

grinder, but there is something quite nice about this. Smells

lovely. Smells delicious. Just mash it down, so you're breaking down

all of those flavours. While that happens, we'll start to cook the

prawns off which is the bit you can't have, but to be honest, I

think this sauce is delicious on its own. I can taste that? We'll

have it with a little bit of flatbread. Some oil in there,

garlic in there. Slice the garlic so you use it as an ingredient,

then we chuck in our prawns and cook those away, so we have a

lovely, delicious buttery, prawny flavour going on in there.

DING Are you doing that... No, I am not

doing that on purpose. Keep banging! I am working. My dad

used to ask me to clean the house. I just used to go - I am going to

use a product name - I apologise - Mr Sheen, then think, they'll think

I cleaned now. Leaving pictures at an angle to show they have done it.

I might try that at home. Michael is a modern man. He has been really

good, doing the dinners, cooking. Does he know what sex your baby is?

He doesn't even know I am pregnant. Yeah, he does! He does. I sort of

convinced him at first, let's find out. He was like, mmm. Now he's

glad he knows. I don't think it matters either way. It's up to you

whatever you want to do. Yeah, but some people are dead against

finding out. They think it should be a surprise. Should be a surprise

on the day, but I'll tell you what, there is quite a lot going on when

you give birth. LAUGHTER

Squeeze the lemon oil in with the sumac, add the tahini. What sort of

birth are you going to have? haven't got a birth plan. I am just

going to go in and see what happens. Wing it? Wing it, yeah! Because I

think if you go in with too much preconceptions with what you want

and that, it doesn't go to plan, you can be disappointed. I wouldn't

mind trying natural. You should do - I think definitely. Yeah? And if

it's really bad, I might start screaming and yelping and saying,

"Give me something." But I am hoping I can - and one of the girls

here was talking about hip know- birthing, breathing and... That's

all good. Most of the world give birth naturally. It's only Western

societies - if you can. Obviously, if there is medical problems...

Exactly. Isn't your lifestyle different because if you have a

headache, you take pills and - not that you do. Is that enough? Yeah.

Chuck in all the lemon juice and give it a mix. That smells

delicious - you have all the nuts in there. That's beautiful.

chuck the vast majority of this in. We just coat the prawns with this,

so straight away, we start getting all of this lovely flavour. Why is

it pregnant women can't eat shellfish and soft cheese and

things? What happens to them? don't know. It's - with cheese -

mix it up - and the tahini. It's the lack of pasteurisation in soft

cheese, isn't it? What can you get? It's about bacterial - there are

things like salmonella. From the cheese, I am not sure. Probably

simply because if you get... I am thinking of things you can normally

get from shellfish as a nonpregnant person, like E-coli, salmonella -

what's the really scary one? It's a bit like the super-bug in

hospitals? No. It's called - Anyway! Anyone help? Norrow virus,

which is a really serious one. Right. A little bit of water comes

into that. Mix that around as well. Back into here - all the things

like the hazel nuts and the sesame seeds - they smell delicious.

Normally, we always have prawns in a creamy sauce and stuff like that.

Let's add a touch more. In here we have the lemon and the sumac. Come

Half of that into that pan and the rest over there. Enough? Lovely.

Then we combine all of this lovely tahini sauce with the nuts an the

reason we do it in two layers is that we wafpbt there to be this

nice toastiness from all of the nuts -- want there to be all of the

toastiness from all the nuts. Then, in here,... Is that the flat

bread? Flat bread. So we've got the prawns, delicious flat bread to go

with it. You can use any kind of flat bread. That's like Lebanese

flavour. Yes, all the things are Lebanese, like the sumac. We are

going to tear the bread like that and then to serve it, we have some

delicious, delicious prawns sitting on the plate. So you get it like a

sauce, quite thick and the nuts are thickening it all up. Then we serve

it with pickled chillis and a little squeeze of Lemon over the

top and Angellica, for you, some sauce. And bread. The hazelnuts and

prawns work really well. That's lovely. Really nice. What are we

going to have for the main course? Sherry-braised chicken. Luckily all

the alcohol gets cooked out so I can taste that. Yes. You can see

see that and the recipes at our website. This is just what I wanted

for breakfast this morning. Yes, prawns. Ben Miller steps into a new

drama in the role of detective Richard Poole now. Sun, sand and

serious crime. Oh, this is great. We have got a British policeman

murdered in a richman's panic room. An old book clutched in his hands.

A safe that's open and a vase that's smashed. As for suspects,

there are only two people without an alibi. James, because he was

town on his beach alone and Sarah because she was taking a shower.

Not that any of this matters. Doesn't get us any closer to

understanding how the murderer escaped. I need to see the pieces

from the vase and the book Charlie was holding, but first the body.

That won't be possible. What won't? Seeing the body? No, none of it,

the book, the boody, the vase, none of it is here. What are you saying?

It's in Guadeloupe. Fine. Which is a completely different island.

can head for the Caribbean and Death In Paradise on Tuesday at 9

on BBC One. The first guest starred in Black Books and led one of the

Never Mind the Buzzcocks teams for 11 series. He's most known for his

combining music with comedy and he has a sell out show coming up.

likes eating, that's his own qualification for judging people's

dinners, right. Worrying what Michael Winner thinks of your food,

it would be like going to the park and worrying that a duck has looked

at you in a funny way. Fabio Capello said it was unappetita

Anglaise which is like very damning. The badger and the sparrow, but I

like the rustic bling, I've got a Prada wheel barrow. That was from

his new tour, Dandelion Mind. Welcome back to something for the

weekend, Mr Bill Bailey. A new tour that's not new because you have

been doing it for a year? Yes, it's modified gently. It's been all

around the world and it's kind of, every show's an different thing, it

changes all the time. When you take a show, you said earlier, you have

taken it to Australia, where else? Started off in the Scottish

Highlands. Why did you start off there? I've always wanted to go

there. I've longed to go there. It's a beautiful part of Britain

and just trying to organise a trip to get up there was tricky so I

thought, if I book a load of gig there is, I have to go, you know,

you've committed to it. Also the fact is, there was a way of trying

out the show. So it wasn't like they were funnier up there and they

would like you better? No, the food was good as well. How far do they

have to travel? Isn't there 200,000 people up there in the size of

Belgium or something? Yes, it's tricky to get around, we were

hampered by the ash cloud when we were there, you usually fly from

Inverness to Orkney or Shetland, but we had to drive all the way up.

On a train track. We had to build a bridge! What is Dandelion Mind, the

concept behind it? The name comes from a dream I had in Melbourne

where I had a bit of a fever and/or too much blue cheese before I went

to bed. Basically, I had this vision at the back of my head that

disintegrated into dandelion spores, and I thought, that is interesting.

It sums up the idea of the thoughts spinning off in all directions, so

I adopted it for the show. It's one of my favourite images. So the show

is about nothing and just thoughts? That was the loose theme b, doubt

about it, you know, doubt about the world, western capital itch,

teetering on the brunk, doubt about what -- brink, doubt about where we

are going, it's a good way to start the show then you get spun off into

different challenges. There's a lot of music in it as well. You've

toured Australia, where else? Zealand, America and Canada and I

did three months in the West End. Years ago people used to tour

around Britain, didn't they, and say it's harder crowds up there.

Are they harder to play, some of the countries than others, or are

they all similar because the world's a closer place? It's got

closer, physically it's shrinking as well. Things are moving all the

time. I think that's a myth. People always say, humour is different in

America, I don't believe that, I think that's a myth. I think

comedy's become much more global partly because of things like the

intermet and YouTube, you noshes people can Google up your comedian

and wash clips -- you know. They're more comedy savvy now aren't they.

Sometimes people might think the culture is really funny and another

place they might think it's dead pan. Not to blow our trumpet, but

British comedy generally travels well around the world, probably

better than a lot of comedy. Some comedy of countries, certain

countries, can be quite country specific, but British comedy spends

to be universal, that's why it travels very well. Tell us about

this thing you are doing, called the Tenori-on? Yes, the Tenori-on

is a Japanese muzical and is visual instrument -- musical. It consists

of a pad of 140-odd buttons and each button, when you press it, it

luem naits and it shines in a pattern -- luminates. You can

create images and they're then played use ago musical tone.

think we should see it in action. It's extraordinary. We have a clip.

# Whilst vaguely watching you nibble your sandwich

# I was gripped by an overwhelming sense of utter futility

# You Twitter Oh my God I'm having a sandwich

# Like it's thrilling # Then later 4,000 Tweeters tweet

what filling... # That's not it. We had a girl come on here, an artist,

Ellie Goulding, she came on and played one I think. Yes, there are

a few. Little Boots as well. That was easy it, she came on, yes. --

that was it; yes. You can hook up to other instruments and play other

instruments, so it's very much of now because it's a midi, meaning it

talks a lot to other instruments. I also like the low tech element of

pressing buttons because so much of music is about programming and

digital sounds on a computer, whereas this is, physically making

an image and it get played. It's perfect for me, the combination of

comedy and visual. We have got a Tweet from Stephanie who says what

do you get more pleasure from, comedy or music, you are probably

going to say both but music drives you, doesn't it? Yes, when I was a

kid I thought I would be in a rock band. I thought I'd be in Talking

Heads, I thought that was my ambition, I didn't write to them

and asked if I could be in their band. Stupid really, I should have

done - duh! I sat at home with with the window open playing the piano

hoping that David Byrne would snap me up. I thought that was what I'd

do. I was in band at school, played music, learned music to a high

level, took lots of exams, the diploma, I thought that's what I

would end up doing and I ended up doing the School Review and plays

and I loved comedy. The spoken word took over as well as a love of

music. I think I probably love them the same now. Didn't you headline

neb worth? This summer. -- neb worth? I was on between Limp

Biscuit and another band, that was great fun. What is the biggest buzz,

getting the audience laugh or getting them to love your tunes?

Probably a bit of both. That's where it all happened, it all came

together because people were laughing about the comedy. Then I

did a couple of new songs in that show. I did a version of the folk

song Scarborough Fair. I had the whole place bouncing and it was

singing, you know, Scarborough Fair, you know, and it was great. For me

that,'s the ideal gig, you know, a bit of comedy and music. Is there

any instrument you can't or want to play? I'm not so good on the violin.

Is it because of your fingers are big? I just can't play it. They

don't move quick enough? I've never learned it. It's something I must

do. That's on my-to-do list. Stringed instruments, key boards,

I'm fine. OK, Bill is not allowed to leave

because he's going to cook a pudding with us. Keep treething

your questions for him or Raith Small -- tweeting. It's try and

remember what year it was time now or what we like to call it, Deja

View. # And I said

# What about Breakfast at Tiffany's # She said I think I remember the

film # As I call laughing

# We both kind of liked it # And I said

# Well that's the one thing we've got... # The world's first

processed food to be made from GM fruit has gone on sale here. It's

tomato paste from tomatoes which have an added gene to slow the

ripening process. It was far and away the most serious incident in

the Channel Tunnel's two years of operation. The fire broke out when

the train was approximately 12 miles from Calais. After an absence

of 700 years, the stone of destiny is returning to Scotland. The stone,

which was used for Scottish Coronations, has been kept at

# I say # What about breakfast at

What was the year that all happened? I can't join in because I

cheated. Last night I went to look up the name of that band because I

thought, what on earth is the name of that band? They were called Deep

Blue something, but when I looked it up, with the hit - in that year.

2003. I am getting worse at this. am embarrassed for you. I am

absolutely embarrassed for you. What year was that? Have a guess!

am rubbish! We have had so many photos. Most have been the Davina

McCall. -- cauliflower cottage pie. But first, naked pictures - Bruce

from Middleton made the cauliflower cottage pie - that's great. He has

a koi carp tattooed on his chest. Right over your heart - that's

going to hurt. It's not a bad tattoo, is it?

LAUGHTER Finally, when we started this and

you sent in the pictures we were hoping for some ladies, so Karren

from St Ann's - never lets us down, do you? She did the cauliflower

cottage pie. She made it for her boyfriend Carl. She's apologised

for the tan lines, Tim. Apologies accepted. Excellent. We're

delighted with that. Fully clothed we have Sarah, Amy, Cassie and

Hannah. They also made the cauliflower cottage pie. They're

wearing their tiger costumes as they can't afford heating. What are

they? Rompers? For grown-ups, yeah. Finally, Paul Evans, the dad, and

the son - again, cauliflower cottage pie. They're from Newcastle

under lime. Nice work. Cool. So if you're going to cook any of today's

dishes and want to show yourself - and your dish - on telly...

don't have to be naked. It helps! Send it to the website. Or you can

Tweet. Have your face or whatever you want to show us on the telly.

What goes through your mind when you think, I am going to get a koi

carp tattooed on his chest? He has none on his arm, does he? He just

has a fish on his chest - so bizarre. I bet he's got more than

one tattoo - don't you think? 4 -- Certainly on his thigh or something.

That starter was absolutely beautiful. Thank you! What are we

going to do? A simple dish - sherry-braised chicken. We have

chicken, onion, stock, sherry, olives, parsley, butter and some

bacon. This is a really lovely simple dish to do. The nice thing

about using something like sherry is it's quite sweet so you get that

flavour in there. If it was volume, it would be a loud flavour - aaah

It's shouting about its flavour. Reminds me of my nan's and

Grandad's - used to drink that. schooner of sherry. How much is

that? Like a double measure. They used to have little sherry glasses.

Give it a good dredge in the flour, then pat off the excess. So Phil

Vickery winning - did it make you agree... Just because he's a rugby

player! You didn't compete against him? No, no, I didn't see him. I

saw him in the semi-final. He was very good. He was taking it very

seriously. I think that's the great thing about those shows now is the

contestants take it very seriously and get stuck in, so good luck to

him. Well done! Well done - yeah! Phil, well done, mate. I was hoping

for the trophy here! Whatever! Let's cook. You were robbed! I was!

So flour, patting the excess off, the seasoned flour into some nice

hot fat to seal it. While we're doing that, slice the onion down

the middle, take off the stem on the bottom and slice it - however

you want to do it, really. This is classic casserole-style cooking,

really. That size or thicker? That's fine. So we're sealing off

the meat. Then we take the meat out of the pan, then add all the other

ingredients. So we have onion, smoked bacon, a great combination.

Do you have our Stone Roses tickets sorted yet? Because we're going to

be the support act, it shouldn't... Going to do catering to do? I can't

decide what we have on, really. everyone a bit giddyap in the

north-west because it's the Derby today, isn't it? It is. It's United

at Old Trafford today. Who do you think - not who do you think - but

who do you want to win? Obviously, I am completely unbiased - in a

second they'll go in here. I am unbiased, but if I had my choice of

who would win today, they'd be wearing sky blue. Being a Liverpool

fan, they're your biggest enemies, aren't they? What I would say about

that is whenever Liverpool played Manchester United, I felt both

clubs buried the hatchet and said, it's time we stop all the hideous

chatter. I hate all of that. That hatred thing hopefully goes. I have

had enough of that. Stick to the football. I agree with you. I just

want Mario Balotelli to play. Do you hear what he did yesterday or

the day before? He set off a load of fireworks in his house. I am not

laughing - because it's a stupid thing to do. But it's mental, isn't

it? Hilarious. We sweat down the onions. We get in the smoked bacon,

sweat that down as well. What you would probably do is I would cook

the onions, let them get soft, take them out of the pan or fry the

bacon, then the onions. I am sticking to this because that's all

we need to do. Let's pretend, Tim... Why would you want to do them

separately? I like building up the flavours. At the end of the day,

what I want to do have the heat high for the bacon so it gets

crispy, take it out of the pan, drop the heat down, then cook the

onions slowly so we get that natural sweetness. That's just me.

You don't have to do that at all. You could theoretically chuck all

of this in at the same time and it would work, but we want to build

the flavour. Give the parsley a little bit of a chop. This is all

about balance. When you're doing anything like a casserole, you want

to get a good balance. Let's imagine we cooked down the bacon

and onion for six minutes or so. What we do is put the chicken back

in. Remember, we put it in with a little bit of flour. Of course, as

we add moisture to this dish, the flour will give it a little bit of

thickening, so you're not going to have to worry about whether it's

going to be too thin or not. Once we have the chicken back in, add

your sherry into there. This works with any kind of sherry. It goes in

there? It will do at the end. This works with any kind at all. It

works with port. It works with red wine. It works with beer. It's the

booze and the stock combined that'll give us a nice flavour. If

you were cooking this with beer, I might say add a little bit of sugar

so it stays nice and sweet. OK. bring that up to the boil. This is

a fast one. Normally, with a casserole, it would be a long cook.

If you were going to do this with chicken thighs, it might take a

long time. Have a little sniff. It's amazing. It smells wintry.

can smell the sherry. When you're heating it this much, are you going

to lose all the moisture from it? It will reduce down. When that

happens, always the temptation is you'll put more stock in it. I

would say put more water in, not stock. If it does reduce too much,

add a little bit of water into it. Chuck those in, give it a bit of a

stir around. Nice. Then we want to just thicken the sauce a little bit

and give it an extra flavour and make it a little bit glossy, so

what we do is add butter. In that goes and give that a little bit of

a whisk around. Ideally, if you put cold butter in it, it works better.

Move things to one side. Give it a stir-around so it works. So we have

all the sherry, the stock, the butter, the bacon and everything in

there. Then, of course, it's quite heavy - the flavours are big and

heavy in there, so let's add some delicious parsley in there to make

it nice and grassy. What we have done to serve this - with anything,

you can serve it with rice, with vegetables, a bit of spinach,

whatever you fancy, but what I've done is we have sauteed off some

potatoes so you've got a nice little bit of carbohydrate in there,

a nice bit of crunch. They sit like that then we'll have... It does

smell good. One of those on there. This is the best. Time of year for

food, Tim. For clothes and food! Autumn is the best time. Then we

spoon over this delicious sauce. And then finally, we add...

these flaked almonds there? Can I sprinkle on? Please feel free to

sprinkle it on, Mr Baillie. So you have sherry, flaked almonds, all

the flavours in there. Dig in. do you doll this? It's sherry-

braised chicken. Sherry-braised chicken? OK. Let's have a bit of a

What do you think? Autumny. Quite delicate flavour. Yeah, because the

chicken makes it nice and... Hearty. That's delicious! I can imagine

that - walking the dogs, coming in out of the cold wind sitting down

to a plate of that, fantastic. you got dogs? Yeah, we have four

dogs. Four? Four! You said that like I am a Komodo dragon. One of

my favourite animals, the Komodo dragons. It's not like I say I have

three dogs and a injuroff. It is a lot. What sort of dogs are they?

am afraid to say now. You're just going to lash out and stab me in

the arm with a fork. Bill is cooking dessert later. What are you

doing? An apple and passion fruit meringue. Fantastic. That recipe is

on our website. You can also e-mail your questions for Bill or Rafe at

SFTW. Are you weird or what? What's wrong with you? Why can't you have

a hamster like normal people? are they called? Teddy, banjo and

Brackon. Three are feral dogs we got on holiday. We took pity on

them. How are they getting on with the language barriers? Fine. I do

signing. "Do you want -" it's amazing how it works. There is

frost on the ground, and Attenborough is back on the telly.

It's reached the ocean, and millions of tonnes of ice have lost

the support of their rocky bed. These icefalls are an ominous sign

of what is about to happen. There is a rupture deep within the

A colossal iceberg is born. And you can watch the incredible

cinematography of Frozen Planet Wednesday at 9.00pm. Amazing. You

have either watched our guests in Pete Versus Life or the hit Shadow

Lion. You won't be able to miss him playing Shakespeare himself in a

new film, Anonymous. You are the famous William Shakespeare whose

labours I have so enjoyed. I am at your service, sir. My expenses have

enlarged - grandised. If your Lordship does not agree to an

increase in my fee, then I shall be forced to make certain facts public.

Have you any idea to whom you are speaking? Yes, I am addressing the

writer of Hamlet - Giulio and Romeo, am I not? Get out. Wait. How much?

Something for the weekend's Raith Spall.

I'm an honest guy, I think it's brilliant. It's a fantastic film.

It's so different to anything I've seen recently. It's an old-

fashioned film. It's got the period aspect, which studios think are

hard to pay for. The director is known for directing things like

Independence Day and 2012, so it's a departure for him. The studios,

as a favour to him said, you can make your movie that you have

wanted to do for 20 years to do this period piece. This works.

us what it's about. Without giving away too much because I'm seeing it

tomorrow morning. It's about who wrote Shakespeare's plays and

there's lots of conspiracies floating around that this man

didn't write the plays and this film centres on the theory that it

was a guy who was the Earl of Oxford. I play Shakespeare but mine

is like Fakes-speare but I'm just an actor that got lucky. If the

story's not real, it's obviously a huge conspiracy theory, but you get

so engrossed and you think it's real and when it's finished I think,

no, I don't want it to be real because I like the idea. You like

the idea of this guy writing a huge body of work. One person could have

written Julius caesar and Macbeth and Mim someer Night's Dream, I

don't believe Edward De Vere wrote it but if people want to Google him

and watch it with a new set of eyes... People love conspiracy

theories. Yes and the film is not dry, it's not intellectual, it's a

cracking good story, like a thriller. I'm not interested in

being in films that are boring and dry. It's fun and it rips alone and

it's engaidgeing and it's for everyone -- edge gauging. You've

shot a lot of of it on CGI. Period were tough to do years ago because

you had to create huge sets, now you can create immense depth?

exactly and it's pretty weird doing green screen in period costume. If

you are dressed as Shakespeare and everything is green around you

that,'s weird. But that's the merit of having someone like Rowland

doing it, there are big aeriel shots, have been though helicopter

weren't invented then, of 17th century London, which hasn't been

seen before. Period pieces are closed in and small, but this is

huge with a big scope. Was it hard as an actor, because Shakespeare is

your God as an actor. Was it hard to say yes to the film because

there are conspiracy theories in it and you are belittling him? Nah!

Good! I'm an actor, I want to do good parts, I'm not going to go, to,

that's offensive to me and my fellow actors. Yeah, I'll do it,

when do I start?! You also like doing the TV stuff. I liked you on

Friday. Yes, it's a simple thing to say, but comedy's either funny or

it's not and my programme was a rip a minute, it's a comedy drama, it's

straight up comedy. We've got a clip, but explain what happens in

it? I play a sports writer called Pete who is a socially inept

awkward all-round loser. I don't know why they cast me! The general

can see is that he has two Sky Sports type commentators who are

supposed to comment Tate on the football but I comment on the

mundaneness of his life. You and Chloe are back together. That's...

Yes, it is, isn't it. How did you two hook up again? Erm, well, we

bumped into each other and Eva Cassidy was doing a tribute concert

and we did it. He's been keeping an eye on her on Facebook for a few

months. He engineered bumping into it. But he did have to buy Eva

Cassidy albums. It's like a knife in the guts. Some of it is so

cringey, I was thinking, oh, my gosh, imagine that situation.

British comedy travels and one of the things that defines it is, it's

we like to be embarrassed because it makes us feel better about

ourselves, do you know what I mean, because we get into awkward

situations on a daily basis, so to see Someone in a worst situation.

It's comforting. You are getting so many movies now, so are you going

to give up the TV? No, I'm not one of those that thinks, I'm going to

just do films. I love doing telly, so I don't know why I'd stop doing

it. You are doing a new film, Prometheus, the new Ridley Scott

one, which is a prequel to Aliens? Yes. Which he directed the first

Alien? Yes, and I've been sent an e-mail about what I'm allowed to

say and I'm not allowed to say and I haven't read the e-mail. It's out

next June in Yes, it's part of the Alien franchise, I know that, I'm

in it, and I know that and chr Lyse Theron and Michael Fasbender. --

Charlize Theron. Alien is one of the best films ever made and it's

great to be there on set with a space suit with Ridley Scott

speaking to you. Incredible. Yes, it is, that's why I wanted to act,

to be an alien in a space suit. It happened, and it was a dream.

you seen a final version? No, they keep it under close wraps and tight

and don't let anyone see anything. Will it be as food as Alien? I hope

so. It's one of the best films ever made, so it's a high mantle, a high

bar, but this is the third sci-fi film Ridley Scott's ever directed,

the first two were Alien and Bladerunner, but knowing me, it

will probably be the worst one he's ever made!

I've been all over the Internet looking for trailers and things,

there's nothing out there is there? There's a few stills? There is

there are a few bits and pieces but they're propective of its --

protective of it. Raith is cooking so get your

questions in. You can tweet or e-mail us.

That is also the same for our other guest Bill Bailey. Here is what

else is coming up on the rest of today's show. X Factor, Dragons'

Den, Countryfile, they're all in the Impressions Show. I'll match

thee row's offer. Congratulations - - Theo's offer. Simon cooks up

speet potato massala. And we discover the meaning of

vocation in Young Nuns. Somehow I knew that that was where God wanted

me to be. Very shortly, we'll be checking out

the trick or treat must-haves with this little lot over there.Like at

them all! They're all there. Your son's there, is he? I don't know,

is he? I can't see. I think so. I can't see actually. OK, not at

the moment. We are going to look at those. But before that, Bill,

you're in the kitchen to do some cooking with us. I can't remember,

are you any good at cooking? I used to cook a lot, then I got quite

busy, my skills have gotten a bit Rusty, so I used to when I was

living on my own on a house boat. Oh, I was a dab hand. Then, I'd

knock up anything. How long did you live on a house boat for? Three

years. Any good? Great fun. It's never appealed to me that. Great

fun. A bit cold in the winter. was going to say it must be cold.

bit nippy, but if you don't mind scraping barnacles off your hole

every now and again, it's quite fun. We've all done that. Did you move

it or stay in one place? You can take them up and down the river but

I stayed in one place, it was a nice little community. Big inside?

Yes, massive. Like a Tardis. many rooms do they have? Mine had a

bedroom and a living area and a galley, you know, and a wheel house.

It was... Did you live in it by chance because it's never something

that appealed to me, but did you say, I fancy that or... It was out

of financial restraints I think. I'd have preferred a flat, but it

was cheap, you know, and at the time I thought, this is a cheap way

of living in London because the mooring fees at the time were quite

small so you know, you'd get a phone line, you know, bottled gas

for your cooking and a little heater. It was good fun. Did you

have electricity plumbed in as well? Yes, and a little stove. It

was great. I might look into that! Yes, with your pipe like that, like

Popeye. Down the canal. We are going to make an apple and passion

fruit meringue tart. Pastry is milk, egg, butter, flour, shugary, and

the filling is passion fruit, sugar, apples and egg whites and sugar for

the topping. -- sugar. Flour sugar butter, add the egg, bind it and

bake it so the tart case is done. It's mundane our first task on this,

Bill. It's peeping apples. So you grab a peeler, any peeler. You are

going to be in Doctor Who this year, aren't you? Yes, I'm in the

Christmas special. Who are you playing? Obviously I'm sworn to

secrecy, but I am ploying a human's oid. A lot of people have saying --

have been saying, they'll save a few quid for the make-up. --

playing a humanoid. He's like a futuristic space person.

I do have to cut these? Yes, then if you cut down the middle and cut

it across again, then you can cut the core out. OK. Still into birds,

bird-watching? Yes, birds, yeah, Look at that!

My friend Kerry, lovely bloke, filmmaker, one day was on holiday

with his wife and suddenly all these people turned up from nowhere

with cameras looking at this bird and he was fascinate sod he thought

I'm going to make a film about these people. So he tried to lack

into them and it's gone native because he's become one himself,

he's become so obsessed. Gone a bit ferrel? Yes. I've got mates who've

done bird-watching. He's doing a music, bird and art festival where

people are all coming tot about it all. It becomes obsessive? Yes,

when I was a kid, we used to go to Slimbridge to some of the bird

sanctuarys, so it became like the kind of classic family day out.

We'd go to the reservoir and see if we could see a grebe, you know.

That was part of my childhood, you know. So it followed that when I'm

touring, I take the binoculars to see what I can see because I've

just got this thing, I needed to know the names of things. I got to

the point where I have a child and I want to know, I want to tell him

the names of bird in the garden, I don't want to look out there and go,

oh, I don't know what that that is, it's a sense of wanting to know the

world around you. It's good to get out. There are conspiracy theories

going on about which birds are extinct and which are still around

and things like that, isn't there? Yes, there are hard core bird-

watchers, the twitch,, they're on the pagers all the time, you know,

and it's like oh, one in Devon, go, go, go, and I'm not quite at that

level. Do you fall into different categories where you say, I'm

massively interested in a certain type of bird. That's true, that's

rieblt. But -- that's right. But there are certain people that, you

know, little song bird and small ones, they're just little brown

bird, you know, why are you interested in that now for, you

know, and the other people will say, I like song bird an garden birds.

think I would go for herons and King fishers. You would be near

water and you would see them. see heron everywhere. And flamingos.

Some in Manchester as well now. Manchester parakeets - all right.

All right. How am I doing with this? Beautiful. Whilst you have

been slicing, I have put them in a pan with some sugar. We cut those

down nice and soft. Next, I have scooped out all the passion fruit

pulps. Now we're getting delicious perfume into there. Tip that in and

mix it all together. Look at that. The people I like when they have

hobbys are the storm chasers. would love to do that. You don't

get that in Britain, do you? You get drig -- drizzle chasers! Light

drizzle, everyone, in Manchester! Light drizzle. It's not going to

happen, is it? I was driving through America once with my mate.

There was a twister. I was like, go for it. See what happens. He didn't.

He got scared. I thought that would be exciting, to chase the weather

around. That's delicious, but we want to top it with meringue. So

Bill, that's all cooked. But you don't cook the passion fruit?

All that's going to happen now is the meringue will go back in the

oven so it will warm. Warm up. Start whisking that fella, then I

will tip in sugar as we go. We're going to do this quickly. Basically,

add the sugar a little at a time, whisk it, as it combines add more

so it becomes nice and toffee-ish. We haven't got time to do that.

Let's imagine. Does this switch off at all or I... Just hold it forever.

Brilliant. This is soft. As you whisk it more and more and more, it

will get thicker and become easy to manipulate. Basically, what we do

is - see how soft that is? You lift it so it stays in position.

peaks. Put it in the oven, five minutes or so, and what you end up

with is this one we did earlier., if you remember. Oh, yeah, the one

like this. Because we want it to be really fruity, you want a solid,

you can add the egg in. I don't want that. I want the fruit. It's

English apple season. You want all of this delicious fruit, so I'll

get a big slab. I mate made it with my own hands - not even my hands -

my eyebrows! Thanks, Rafe. Thanks, mate. Look at that. Can I grab a

blackberry with it? Grab a blackberry. Rafe is in the kitchen.

What he's doing? A sweet potato curry. I look forward to that.

That's beautiful. And your fruit - one of your five a day. Right.

Cocktails with Wayne next. But first, the second and last chance

to guess the year of the number one - the news stories and the film in

# What about breakfast at Tiffany's?

# She said I think I remember the Fillmont

# Yes, I recall I think we both # Kind of liked it

# I said that's the first thing we have got. The world's first

processed food to be made from modified food is to go on sale here.

It was for and away the most serious incident in the Channel

Tunnel's two years of operation. The fire broke out when the train

was approximately 12 miles out of Calais. After an absence of 700

years the stone of destiny is returning to Scotland. It has been

kept at Westminster Abbey ever at Tiffany's? She said, "I think I

remember the -"" Enough is enough. You have cajoled and killed and

used it with people from the inside. You want to shake hands with the

devil. That's fine. I just want to make sure you do it in hell.

What year GM food goes on sale - Rafe, what year do you reckon that

was? '95. What did you reckon? bit later, '99. The answer will be

revealed at the end of the show. Rafe, we're making cocktails. Do

you like a cocktail? I do. What's your favourite? A martini with

tanquaray. I like it dry, learned it from Madmen. We were out at the

Savoy, and they spent forever making this old-fashioned, stir and

stir. Nice and cold. But we're not making that. We're making dessert.

We're doing a liquid alternative to a couple of great desserts we love,

cheesecake and apple cremeon. This is a cheesecake cocktail with

Mascarpone cheese. I am using it for the actual texture. Lovely.

You use natural yogurt because it has a sour edge to it. That'll help.

A good tablespoon of that goes in, followed by our sweetener, a bit of

vanilla. We need to have that. Then we're going to have a good shot and

a half of vodka, like that, a bit of lemon liqueur. By the way, you

can hear children in the background. We're about to do a Hallowe'en

special with the kids and the outfits. That's what they're here

for - not the cocktails! Lemon zest will make it nice and fragrant and

give it that cheesecake character. So you would have this instead of a

dessert? Totally. This is a dessert that ends with happiness.

there because there is not much flavour in Mascarpone, but it

emulsifys nicely and gives it a nice texture to the drink. I am

going to give you one each. You can serve this with coffee.

That's like a sherry glass. Like a shot? You can see the thickness and

texture of it. Easy. The last thing is a little bit of digestive

crumble on top. When you drink it, it tastes just like lemon

cheesecake. Cheers. Cheers. Really surprisingly cheesecake in

character. That is exactly like a liquid cheesecake. That's lovely.

That's delicious, really good. one is a little twist on an apple

crumble. We have some Bramley apple sauce there, a little bit of lemon

juice, acid - sweetener, sugar, a pinch of ground allspice, nutmeg

and cinnamon, which you'll find in traditional apple crumble. Then

whiskey which goes fantastic with apple flavours and things like

liqueurs. You have to have green liqueur to give it a little apple

bite to it. We'll give it a nice shape-up as well. Are these - when

you make these sort of drinks, are they popular? You'll see more

restaurants are serving more alternative liquid desserts with

coffee. I think it's nice if you don't want to have a full dessert.

It's very creative. You learn a lot from various chefs at different

restaurants. We have a glass of crushed ice here. In an Old

Fashioned you need a nice cube of ice. What's the difference between

crushed and cubes? Normally, you have nice solid, fresh ice, it will

help to maintain the temperature for longer without diluting it. Now

you have these wonderful companies making big blocks of ice. Wow, one

big cube in a drink. Once you have the right dilution, you pour it

over a cube, and it just stays cold. Without the dilution. So we have

apple sauce on top, goes in there. There is our crumble. So you have

the crumbly ice as well. I have never had a biscuit drink!

LAUGHTER You could blend up some Oreo

cookies. That would work. Have a try of that. It tastes just like

that spiced apple. You have the blended Scottish working with the

apple... That's really, really lovely. It's like a strudel.

would be really happy with that. Cheers! Nice. Those cocktails can

be found on our website. These guys are at the top of their game at the

moment. It's the Imelda Mayhem with Do it in soya. Lack together gives

me glass. A real man wouldn't worry about gas. Blow it out. Let them

know you're there. Yes, your Holiness. It was me. You might want

to open a window. I have another one brewing. Tea. Four sugars, love.

I'll get these. How much? �4.50, please. OK. I am going to offer you

all of the money, but I get 100% of the drinks. I don't really care who

gets the drinks. I just need �4.50. Now, hang on, hang on, hang on,

hang on. Now, you've still got another Dragon in here. Let me tell

you where I am at. I own one of the leading retail outlets in the

country. It's not relevant, but always feel the need to mention it.

Make an offer or butt out. right. I will! I'm prepared to

offer you the �2.25, but I am going to want 50% of the drinks. I don't

care if you pay separately. I just need the �4.50. OK. I'll match his

offer. Congratulations. You've got yourselves two Dragons. Well done,

Theo. I like the way you buy coffee. I'm out, but you can see all the

stars in The Imelda Mayhem Thursday, 8.30pm on BBC One. It's time for

some things for the weekend. Hallowe'en has come a little bit

early to the studio, hasn't it? How many weeks away is it? Next week,

next weekend. We're getting into the spirit of things here on

Something For the Weekend. See what I am doing there? Good. We're going

to start with Ollie and George. Do you want to come over?

SCREAM I know Ollie has been extremely

excited about wearing the mummy's outfit all day - highlight of his

week. Can you see through that? really. Hello. How are you? This is

George. Tasty, isn't it Who is quite possibly one of the jolliest

babies I ever met. Hello, ras cal. What are they... The outfit is from

reddot.co.uk. George is wearing the pumpkin outfit, �10 from Tesco.

Thank you, George. Give it back. Urrrgh! Got it. Thanks, Ollie.

little brothers now, who are possibly the coolest dudes. Come on

over. Do you want to stand there? Come in here. That's it. Now,

dressed as Dracula, as you'll see. We have practised this before. Do a

twirl for us. There we go! These costumes are from ASDA. If you

sponsor one of these - good boy, Frank. Stanley, do you want to put

those down as well? We have practised this. Let's hope it works.

These are the Hex-Book Spiders. There we go. Whose is that one?

They can be everybody's. We'll share. Do you have a remote

control? I do. These are the Hex Book Spiders. You get one, but you

can control more than one. They have a 360-degree rotation on the

top. They're not going! Maybe give them a bit of a kick then. Do you

like them? Marks out of ten? Marks out of ten? Go on. Good boys. Thank

you very much. And do you want to wave to your friends? Off you go.

Expertly done. Alfie, are you coming over? Lift your mask up so

you can see what you're doing. Come and join us here. Alfie is dressed

as Jack Skellington, a very cool outfit. Do you like that outfit?

Yes. In your hand there you have the headphones... Scary! Put your

mask back on. Cheeky. Can you pass me one of those quickly? These are

Let's dance, Alfie. You must have some moves in your locker? How are

you going to woo the girls? Down with the kids. I think he thinks we

are both geeky. That one's �1.99? Yes, thumbs up? Yes. We'll finish

with that one. You would like to move on that way, Alfie. Good boy.

Little Grace. She's dressed as a little witch. Very pretty little

witch though, aren't you?! Is that you?! This outfit is from

Wilkinson's, it's �5. You like this, don't you, it's a pretty one and

the make-up. What is in your hands? The Monster High Doll. Do you like

this? Yes. How many marks out of ten? Ten's the best. Do you think

ten? Yes. The we turn it round so we can see it on the camera. Good

girl. These are from �14.99 and related to spooky people, this is

the daughter of a ghost. They're not really scary are they? No.

We like them. OK, Dax, another cool name, this is

Bill's son. Come and join us. Bailey's son. You've done this

before, haven't you? Yes. Show us your face. Give us a peep! Cool

hair as well. This outfit is from Sainsbury's,

12-�146789 does it get the thumbs up from you, Dax? Yes. What have

you got in your hand, a drink? blood. Inspired by the series, this

is the True Blood. Do you want to pour some for us?

I'll take that, you pour it. Have you tried this already? No.

we've got the taste test. Pour me some as well. OK. It's very nice.

That's it. A bit heavy handed. There we go. Do you want to try

that? Blood-type C, I believe. Done this before? Do you like that?

It's very sweet. You're a cool dude you, Dax, aren't you? Does it get

the thumbs up? Yes. It's not cheap but it's the blood they use in the

HBO series and it's �5.95. Dax take your blood that way. We've got your

two little rascals, Grace and Rose. Loving the make-up!. So, Grace,

what have you got a The white chocolate skull that is �100.

What?! With the decoration. Stick that in a bag afterwards and flog

it on eBay. It's cheaper without the lovely decorations. What have

you got? A jelly brain and that's �20 and it looks yummy and smells

like strawberries. OK, take a bite then. The pirate outfit from Tesco

is �10 this one and Sainsbury's this one 8-12 pounds. Do you want

to join us? Get a bite out of there, out the middle of it. That's it.

That's better, well done Dax. Come in prbgs kids, all of you. There

you go, come in. Thanks to Nikki and Dax Bailey and the other little

monsters there. For more information on the Halloween stuff

e-mail us via the website and we'll get it back to you. This is a

documentary on the aspect of life that we don't hear that much about.

Clara is about to enter a life of poverty, chastity, obedience and

silence in Young Nuns. You can actually click on the nuns on a

virtual tour and see them having their recreation. They have their

summer hats on. They're quite cute. Clara's chosen a life of silence

and contemplation. When she enters the Abbey, she'll spend up to seven

hours a day in prayer. You're not raetly meant to talk and have a

kofpb station about in addition -- -- you're not really meant to talk

and have a conversation about anything. That will get to me, the

silence, and at meal times as well, trying not to talk and laugh.

many communities of nuns are struggling to survive, Clara's

order is flour ushing. In the last five years, they've welcomed eight

new sisters, the youngest only 19. I just felt really happy there and

somehow I knew that that was where God wanted me to be. I felt this

amazing sense of peace that I hadn't felt before.

Fascinating story there, you can follow that journey in Young Nuns

on Tuesday at 10.35 on BBC One. Raith, you made it into the kitchen.

I'm here. Remind us how good you are? I asked you to -- I remember

you asked me to separate an egg white from a yolk and I did it.

did. I tickled it. What is this about you liking chicken livers?

a bolognese. Never done that before. Not a fan of liver but if you put

it in a bolognese, soak 'em in milk, chop 'em up fine, fry them with the

mince, it's the nice, rich, creamy flavour and put all the milk in as

well. You know your stuff. Sort of. What are we doing now? A simple

curry. It's about the curry this, speet potato and peas. It's about

making your own curry sauce really cumin, peas, coriander, curry

powder, chilli, garlic, ginger, tomatoes, white wine, coconut milk,

cinnamon and sweet potatoes. I'm going to toast the spices. In the

real world, you would do this slowly, so I would put them in a

cold pan, turn the heat on... them dry? Yes. If ever you have

eaten a curry and it has that bitterness behind it, generally

they don't toast the spices. What you want to do is release the oils

from the spices and so dry frying them is what you need to do. We are

cooking them too quickly really. If you do it gently, as it warms, the

oil releases at a more even rate. We are just doing it quickly. You

can smell already the cumin seeds start to have a nose on them. If

you do it slowly, that will take five minutes. Will it burn more

easily as well like that? Of course, yes, because it's really, really

high. On a lower heat and every now and again give it a move around.

Stpwh you don't want to let them burn. Yes. You've had an

interesting relationship with food in your life, haven't you?

suppose you could say that. lost what? Five-and-a-half stone.

You support drals and you would go to the football matches and buy

what, two hot dogs? Yes, I would watch them, buy two hot dogs and a

packet of minstrels for pudding. And you would eat that? Yes, that

was after lunch. -- you support Crystal Palace. If you fancy making

your own curry or anything spicy, this is great to have. Before we

did the prawns and grind it with a pesle and mortar, but because of

this, wanting it to be nice and fine, it's great. And the finer,

the better. Then just tip those straight in. It's not ready yet.

Oh! That made me jump. Is that just like that, you just open it?

came off completely before. thought you were good in the

kitchen. Never used one of these before. Gadgets are the things that

do it for all of us. Tip those in there. How do you get the lid off?

Go for tit. There you go. Tip those in and they could do with maybe

being a little finer. Grind those down and again, on a low heat.

Straightaway, you smell the coriander and a lovely bit of per

yuem aroma. The next thing, as they cook away matchsticking on your

ginger, please, young man -- perfume aroma. Slices and then

little strips. I - Liz Evans said, I love your character in the

shadowline, what was it like a play a dark character? Brilliant. I've

done lots of character so it's nice to do something a bit serious. It's

fun playing a psychopath, you know. But I got married during the making

of that so that was a funny thing, you know, playing such a terrible

character and then... Being nice at home? Yes. That must have been

tricky. Well... Do you take your characters home with you or not?

You're not allowed to really, you can't because you get home and you

have to empty the dishwasher and take the bins out, so you're not

really allowed. Tell us about One Day? Yes, the adaptation of the

Dave Nicholls book One Day. He adapted his own screen play with

Ann Hathaway and Dean stur Jess and I play the boy that Ann doesn't end

up with -- Sturgss. -- Sturgess. People say you stole the show on

that? Not sure about that. It's nice to have pride in it? It's nice

to know people do like it, yes. We've got all the spices. This is

smelling love lift even though we should cook it more slowly. Chuck

all the ginger in there as well. We've done this in three minutes,

when in reality, it would take 12 or 15. Nice and slow. That goes in.

And then, cube a bit of sweet potato for me. We glug in a bit of

white wine into this. All of that goes in so we get that delicious

boozey flavour. You could add stock to it. Something quite nice about

wine in curries, Vindaloo is based around wed rhine, -- red wine.

You don't think of wine being in Indian cooking for some reason, do

you? A lot of the original spices came from Portugal. I see. Vindaloo

is wine and potatoes vin-da-loo. Genius. You don't cook this first,

it goes straight in? Once that's gone in, add water as the wine

reduces, and we end up with this. Now you can add spinach to it, you

could add chick peas, aubergine, whatever you fancy, but it's about

making the curry sauce. We are going to add a couple of peas.

Cooked peas? Frozen, yes. Can you throw them in frozen? Yes. Chuck in

a bit of coconut milk. Stir that around and finally we are going to

chop in a bit of coriander. It's about that curry sauce which is

dead ease. Grind the spices, fry them off, cinnamon, tomatoes,

whatever veg you want and it's that simple. You end up with a really

delicious home-made curry that's better than anything you are going

to buy anywhere else. To serve it, we've got a bit of rice there,

we've got a bit of naan bread so it's a proper one. When you make

curry, it never tastes like it does as a take away. That will be nicer,

without the shadow of a doubt because it's your own creation. The

thing about it is, once you start making your own curries, you will

find flavours that you like, so it might well be that you like more

cardamom in it or cumin. What about garamasala? Again, if there are

basic flavours you like, you love that so add that into it. You keep

doing that, but we need to find out about Deja View, Tim? We are busy

eating this. Deja View, genetically modified tomatoes went on sale and

Deep Blue Something sang. It's 1996. You said that to me then you

changed it. Yes. Have a go at that. You were so

far out, Simon. When does your tour begin? November in Birmingham. All

around the country and we end up in Belfast beginning of December.

was talking to you earlier, you have another TV thing coming up,

it's interesting because it's another conspiracy theory? Yes, a

documentary about Alfred Wallace, a contemporary of Darwin and a lot of

people think that Wallace actually was the originator of the theory of

evolution and that Darwin appropriated his ideas. Is nothing

sacred? What next, Jesus isn't the son of God. Can't believe anyone

now. Is it a drama or a documentary?

I've never even heard of that. was an amateur biologist and

explorer and travelled around the world. He came up with a theory,

having studied insects and birds, he used to collect them and send

them back to Britain. He wrote a letter to Darwin and he looked at

them and that's what prompted hum to publish the theory of evolution.

I'm getting on the Internet! I will steal his idea, make lots of money

and become famous. That is it, it's the end of the show, thanks to our