Episode 3 A Question of Sport: Super Saturday

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Lovely. Lovely.

Hello, I'm Jason Manford, and welcome to Super Saturday.

Each week, we put our teams through some ridiculously tough trials.

Our team of brave ne'er-do-wells will feel pain like never before.

More agony than the searing pain you get

when you stand on an upturned plug in the middle of the night,

and challenges more difficult

than trying to stick a straw in a Capri Sun.

Here is what's coming up on tonight's show.

'Scotland goes snooker loopy

'as our Super Saturday Shopping Centre Challenge hits Glasgow.

'We go all Hawaii Five-0 as we put our captains to the test.

'And we're in the Wimbledon spirit as our teams

'take on an 11-year-old tennis ace.'

Exciting stuff. All we need now is some players.

On Matt's team, Winter Olympic Queen of Speed Lizzy Yarnold,

and out of The Slammer for one night only,

it's comedian Ted Robbins.

And joining Tuffers, former England captain Michael Vaughan

and Canadian comedian Katherine Ryan.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Come on in.

What an entrance, what an entrance!

Love it, love it, welcome.

Fabulous!

Ah, hello.

We've had some spectacular entrances at speed,

-and then today they've gone...

-Milk float.

-..milk float, yeah.

And you weren't even allowed to drive 'em!

-Health and safety.

-Health and safety.

You've done well this week, Matt.

An actual Olympic gold medallist on your team.

Lizzy Yarnold, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-How exciting! So you won the gold medal on Valentine's Day?

-Yes.

And so, it must have been pretty whirlwind since then, has it?

Yeah, it's been mad, it was only, like,

three and a half months ago and it's just been crazy.

Skeleton is, like, the only thing we're good at

in the Winter Olympics as well...

-That's not true!

-Is that unfair?

-Curling!

It's the thing that we're the best at at the Winter Olympics.

-That's...

-It's the most successful, isn't it?

We're the most successful Olympic sport because we've only been

in the Winter Games for four cycles

and we've won a medal at every single one.

That's pretty impressive, isn't it?

-Crazy stats, but, yeah.

-Well done, yeah.

APPLAUSE

-Ted.

-Oh, he's so looking forward to this conversation!

On the back of Olympic gold!

-Come on, Ted.

-I'll have you know...

-You're a rugby...

..I'm an all-round sportsman.

If you watch Chariots Of Fire,

I'm the shot-putter, did I say that right?

I'm the shot-putter in Chariots Of Fire.

I went along, they were filming it on the Wirral in Merseyside

when I was a lad, and believe it or not,

I was quite fit in those days, before me chest dropped.

LAUGHTER

So we've got Ted and Lizzy going up against Katherine and Michael.

Katherine, you've got a daughter.

D'you play any sports together, or d'you...?

Yeah, I've got a daughter, so that shows I cannot run.

Erm, I'm not sporty at all.

No, this is really unfair, I don't have any Olympic gold medals

that I know of, but I'm Canadian so, like,

I might have some kicking around.

Yeah, you're probably still the third best 100m runner in Canada...

-We have a saying.

-..even if you've never done it.

It goes, uh, "It's not the taking part but the winning that counts."

-That's, er, Phil and Matt's philosophy, really.

-Yeah!

Well, we have got an actual legendary sportsman

on Phil's team, finally!

Like a proper cricketer on the show, amazing!

LAUGHTER

Michael, you were obviously known for your shrewd captaincy

and your brilliant man management skills.

What's it going to be like working UNDER Phil Tufnell,

with him as your captain today?

Well, we go back a long way, we've toured together, haven't we, Cap?

-Yeah, South Africa.

-Lots of tours, played together.

First time I've seen him sober.

LAUGHTER

OK, it's time to play our first game.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, there's one aspect of the World Cup that sends

fear into the hearts of all England supporters,

the penalty shootout.

CROWD: Oo-ooh!

Let's just have a moment's silence for all those that we've missed.

Southgate, Waddle, Pearce.

WHISTLE BLOWS

-ALL:

-OK, come on! Come on!

-APPLAUSE

We all remember those shocking penalties

but none will be as shocking as these. This is how it works.

Our teams must each nominate their penalty taker,

we then ask the remaining team a number of questions.

Get it right and they get to take a shot against our goalkeeper.

Get it wrong, they can still take the shot,

but they will receive an electric shock whilst doing so.

Who wants to go first?

-Vaughany, come on, mate.

-All right, come on.

-Vaughany, yes.

-OK.

CHEERING

So Vaughany.

Who from your team is going to take a penalty?

-Oh, of course it would have to be Lizzy!

-Lizzy!

CHEERING

Go and get yourself set up, Lizzy and Michael.

Away they go.

-We'll let Lizzy go first. Why not? OK.

-Do you want to test it or?

-Yeah, we can test it, yeah.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah, can we test Michael's as well? Are they on?

-The left and right.

-ELECTRICAL BUZZ

-Ooh, you,

-BLEEP!

APPLAUSE

Can you turn it up, please?

ELECTRICAL BUZZ

-OK, Lizzy's is on. Here we go.

-All right.

-Question number one.

If we get it right,

Lizzy can take the shot of course without an electric shock

but if you get it wrong, she will get a shock so here we go.

-All the questions are about the penalties of the World Cup.

-Right.

Matt, here's your first question.

In which city did Italy beat France on penalties in the 2006 Final?

-It would be Berlin, wouldn't it?

-Come on, guys.

-Yes, it is Berlin.

-Munich or Berlin?

-Berlin.

-Berlin?

-Yeah, definitely.

-Berlin.

Definitely Berlin.

-Correct.

-Go on!

Off you go.

-You've still got to get it in, though.

-All right.

-Just go.

CHEERING

Nailed it, nailed it. Very good.

Phil, this one is for your team.

Which of these countries have England lost to on penalties

at a World Cup? Italy, Portugal or Spain?

-I'd go Portugal.

-If you get it wrong, Michael will be getting a shock.

We are going to go...

Portugal.

Is the right answer.

-CHEERING

-Impressive!

No shock, no shock.

How? How have you done that?

That post is in Rochdale it's so far away!

Matt, here we go. Here is your team's question.

Which of these have missed in a penalty shoot-out for England?

John Terry, Ashley Cole or Jamie Carragher?

Well, John Terry, John Terry missed for Chelsea, didn't he? Don't know.

-Jamie Carragher?

-I think it's Jamie Carragher.

Jamie Carragher, we'll go Jamie Carragher.

It was Jamie Carragher.

APPLAUSE

CHEERING

-OK, Phil.

-Yes.

Which team did Ireland beat on penalties in the 1990 tournament?

-I haven't got any choices, it's not multiple choice?

-No.

-He doesn't get an A, B or C?

-No.

-Not this time.

-Yeah, let's go...

-My dad's at home screaming the answer.

-..Germany.

Beat Germany?

It was Romania.

I'm sorry. Sorry!

ELECTRICAL BUZZ

He did it!

He looked like Corporal Jones in Dad's Army then, didn't he?

Like that.

-Matt's team.

-Yep.

-For Lizzy.

-Yeah.

-Last question.

-Right.

-Which year was the first ever World Cup penalty shoot-out?

-Oh.

Oh, dear.

Well, it wasn't '66, wasn't '70.

-Wasn't '74, wasn't '78.

-'82? '86?

Mexico, definitely in Mexico. Definitely in Mexico.

-Well, that was '86?

-'86? We'll say '86.

It's '82.

-I really don't want to do this.

-Oh, we really want you to.

-All right.

-Are you ready? Ready, ready, ready, go.

-Ready!

Oh, OK. ELECTRICAL BUZZ

It was a save, it was a save.

-OK.

-Pull your trousers a bit further up your waist, Vaughany.

-Pull them up, pull them up.

-Give it the full Simon Cowell there.

Come on, get them up there.

Right, Michael needs to score this for you to tie the game.

-Phil.

-Yeah.

-Katherine.

Who missed a penalty at the opening of the 1994 World Cup?

We're going to go with...

It was the very first penalty miss of the World Cup in 1994.

Does he have a WAG famous wife who's either a pop star or...?

-I don't think this person does, no.

-Then I don't know.

I'm going to go with...

-Clint Eastwood.

-Prepare for pain, Vaughany.

-Clint Eastwood?

-Clint Eastwood.

-It was Diana Ross.

-Diana Ross!

-It was Diana Ross, yes...

-Sorry.

..who missed the penalty in the 1994 World Cup in the opening ceremony.

Yeah, it was a bit of a trick question

but we just want to see Vaughany get electrocuted.

OK, this to tie the game. This to tie the game. Come on, son!

ELECTRICAL BUZZ

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

You took out the camera, nearly, then! That was amazing!

That's quite a challenge!

So, that means Matt gets the point. Well done.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

It was an absolute cracker, that.

Yeah, sorry, Skip, sorry, team.

Actually, let's just watch back Michael's penalty.

Focus on Michael's reaction to the electrocution.

LAUGHTER

Like the... It's like the Ministry of Silly Walks.

That's actually me just running normally.

And let's have a little look at how Lizzy reacted to being electrocuted.

I mean, focused, precise,

a little limp afterwards.

Why do you think that was? Do women have a higher pain threshold?

Is that actually what's happened there,

or are you just a bit of a wuss, Michael?

It's cricket and a Winter Olympian, that's the difference, innit?

LAUGHTER

OK, for the next challenge we told Matt and Phil they were going surfing.

So, they packed their boards, Hawaiian shirts and suntan lotion

and headed for Bedford. Unlucky, lads.

Surfer Skelton met them there.

-Whatever it's going to be...

-What do you reckon?

-Anything, it's got to be great fun.

-It will. They always...

-Hello, chaps.

-There she is. Hello.

-I have got a bodyboard for each of you.

-OK, OK.

-Fantastic.

Today's Super Saturday challenge is going to be you two going

-head to head, or toe to toe, on an indoor surfing simulator.

-Fantastic.

-Which is why we need these?

-Yes. Get ready to hang ten.

-Yeah. Awesome!

# Let's go surfing now Everybody's learning how

# Come on and safari with me

# Early in the morning We'll be starting out

# Some honeys will be coming along. #

-What you think of that, then, you two?

-Looks good.

-Is that what we're doing?

-Sort of.

We're not going to get you to do that, we're going to get you to do something slightly different.

-So, this is George.

-Yeah.

-George is going to put you through your paces

-and teach you everything you need to know about a bodyboard.

-Good.

-OK.

It's going to be fine. Don't look scared. Come on. Surf's up.

# Some people stand in the darkness

# Afraid to step into the light

# Some people need to help somebody

# When the edge of surrender's in sight

# Don't you worry

# It's going to be all right

# Cos I'm always ready

# I won't let you out of my sight

# I'll be there

# I'll be ready

-# Never you fear

-No, don't you fear. #

Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

APPLAUSE

Ooh! So close! George is demonstrating today's game.

Our two captains will each be on a bodyboard.

They'll be out there at the same time,

so they really are going head to head.

Meanwhile, tennis balls will be being fired at them.

Matt's balls are blue, Phil's are red.

For every blue ball that Matt catches, he gets one point,

for every red ball he catches he gets two points, and vice versa.

At the end of the game, whoever has the most points wins.

-Captains, are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Hair all right?

-It's just like the Hoff wears it.

That is just like the Hoff poses! Sort of.

Cue the water. Cue the tennis balls.

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

Oh! Come on!

LAUGHTER

-You looked like you enjoyed it.

-What a lot of fun.

-Are you happy with the number of balls you caught?

-That left cannon,

that left cannon was flying them out!

I got one right in here.

-I think you took a few body shots.

-He mounted me.

-Is that in the rules? He mounted me.

-You nicked my surfboard!

I was standing and didn't have a board!

What am I going to do, come down on my feet?

I suspect this squabble's going to go on for quite a while.

Jason has the results.

APPLAUSE

Thanks, Helen.

That looked great fun.

I liked your concentration tongue.

LAUGHTER

Well, I have the results for you here.

Phil, you managed to catch four red balls

-and six blue balls, which gave you a total of 16 points.

-Not bad.

You at your best.

I caught something!

-Well, you caught a ball.

-Yeah.

Matt, you ended up with seven blues and six reds,

giving you a total of 19, which means you're the winner.

CHEERING

However, since the challenge took place, Matt,

have you got something you want to maybe say to Phil?

-Depends how much you know.

-I've got some Crimewatch-style footage

-of you cheating.

-Did I get caught?

LAUGHTER

That's a disgrace!

What have you got to say for yourself, Matt?

I'm slightly embarrassed...

..and I apologise to...

-Got to be deducted.

-..yourself and your family...

-..and anybody who knows you.

-How many balls was it?

One red and one blue, so if you deducted it...

No, he picked up a couple there.

You don't know that!

-I think it was just the two.

-You're not denying it.

You're not saying, "I didn't."

-You're saying, "You didn't see me do it." That's your defence.

-Yes!

I'm not having that. We're going to give the win to Phil's team!

CHEERING

Not having that.

Can you honestly say, Mr Tufnell,

you have never stepped beyond the line of the law?

They just didn't catch me picking them up out the back.

Well, with that win on that challenge,

it makes the score one-all!

This week, we sent Super Saturday's roving games master, Ore Oduba,

to the shops with a challenge -

to get me a bag of Monster Munch, a Dairylea Dunker and a fizzy Vimto,

and while he was there

he tried to teach some Glaswegians to use chopsticks.

Good luck with that one, Ore.

Jason, I'm going to be snookering you, snookering you tonight.

This week, we are in bonnie Scotland

and I am delighted to be here at the Braehead Shopping Centre in Glasgow,

hoping that the fine people of Scotland

will take to the table and play our game, Right on Cue.

'One snooker table,

'two cues, 12 balls

'and one giant pocket.

'The game - to clear the table as quickly as possible

'using the two cues.'

Oh!

Uh!

You wouldn't like it when I'm angry.

Let's see if the locals do any better.

After all, Scotland is home to Stephen Hendry,

the finest purveyor of a snooker cue the world has ever seen.

I'll pay for that.

LAUGHTER

-Are you going to test your snooker skills?

-Certainly, my pleasure.

It'd be my pleasure to have you. Let's go, let's play Right on Cue.

Have you got five minutes of your day that I could steal you for?

Am I going to be on this camera?

Well, you already are, because it's right there.

-Up for it?

-I'm up for a shot, aye.

-She's up for a go.

-Shall we?

-Yeah.

-Let's! This way, come on.

-Shall we?

-Yes, let's go for it! Let's go!

Do you fancy it?

-All right, cool.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Well, you're dressed the part.

-Shall we get going.

-Yep.

-All right, in your own time.

Off you go, Gavin, off you go.

I love that technique, I love that.

It's like some sort of praying mantis we've got going on here.

Oh, wow!

This man is hot.

This is...steady,

very steady hand, as you can see.

Yep, that's it.

Got about 20 seconds and haven't got a ball in

at all.

Wow, have you ever been to a Chinese before? Cos you're very good.

Like chopsticks with you.

-No, but I had a Chinese teacher once.

-Did you?

Some people say I'm distracting, so I'm leaving it on your own.

In your own time.

Here we go. Now we're talking, now we're talking.

-Andy...

-I don't think I'm very good at this.

Let's get that blue. Concentrate, Catherine! Concentrate.

Yeah!

Oh!

Who needs the Crucible

when you've got the Braehead Shopping Centre in Glasgow?

Don't answer that question.

OK, so we may not have found the next Ronnie O'Sullivan, but we saw

some exceptional displays of potting and the occasional trick shot too.

Back to you to find out who scored the biggest break.

For now, though, from this snooker referee-cum-occasional mime artist...

LAUGHTER

..it's goodbye.

APPLAUSE

Lovely.

Thank you, Ore, and the people of Glasgow.

So, teams, how quickly do we think our Glaswegian champion

cleared the table?

This is our winner.

You can have a little look. This is Andrew from Dumbarton.

17 years old.

I can tell you that the average time taken by the 25 competitors

in Glasgow was one minute, 48 seconds.

-Obviously, the winner's less than that.

-Yeah, he's quicker.

AUDIENCE CHUCKLE

We start with this?

We're starting with that.

The guy with the cap, he was there for ever, weren't he?

-30?

-He'd be there four or five minutes.

-I was thinking 40.

-I'm going to go with that.

-Oh, I think we're...

-Less?

-What, that?

-Yeah, yeah.

Oh...

We're going with that, we're going with that.

-Are you changing your mind?

-Yes.

-Did you go less or more?

-We went less.

OK, what have you got, Matt?

Signed as well, signed off.

You've gone 40 seconds and you've signed it.

You could sell that on eBay.

Phil?

-37.

-ALL: Oooh!

Well, let's go back to Ore and find out if either of you are right.

And the clock starts...now! Off you go!

Oh, that man goes straight to the black.

Here we go, oh!

Bumbles in, but they all count.

That's nice, very nice. Careful of the drag, careful of the drag.

Pick 'em up and drop 'em in, pick 'em up and drop 'em in all the way.

That's it, nicely done.

Nicely done, you're on for a very good time at the moment, Andrew.

This guy's played this game before!

Who hasn't?

Oh, he's strolled it.

THEY SHOUT OUT IN THE STUDIO

-Three more balls to go.

-Get it in!

This is it, the brown and the...

Stop right there!

One of those is behind the cue.

There we go.

-Nicely done.

-Oh, no!

-And the other to come.

-Go on, then!

-Stop the clock!

No!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It was in a record time of 36 seconds,

so, Phil, you were closer and win the points!

CHEERING

Cheating, there!

I think you'd best say nothing, actually.

Why don't you take it up with Andrew himself,

who's sat over there in the audience.

Let's have a round of applause for Andrew.

Well done.

So, the scores at the end of that game are Matt: 1, and Phil: 2!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All right.

In this next round, we'll be finding out

if our teams are better than an 11-year-old.

Don't worry, Phil, we're not asking you to do an exam.

That'd be no contest.

Instead, in honour of it being Wimbledon finals weekend,

would you please welcome one of Britain's brightest tennis hopes,

Jobim Ffrench!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Oh!

-CHEERING

What?!

That was impressive stuff, my friend.

Come on over here, come on over.

How did you get so good at tennis, then?

Did your parents refuse to buy you a Nintendo Wii?

Did you have to play the real sport?

-How long have you been playing?

-Six years.

-How often do you play?

-Every day.

Every day? And your parents are supportive?

They've spotted a little pension plan, haven't they?

LAUGHTER

-Who's your favourite player?

-Nadal.

Nadal, yes? He's pretty impressive, isn't he, Nadal?

I hope this will make your "What I did over the summer holidays" essay

a little bit more interesting.

Thanks for joining us. Here are the rules of the game.

As you can see, we have a rogue's gallery of famous faces

and each one of them is the answer to one of my questions.

Once you know who it is,

you have to hit them in the face

with a tennis ball. As with proper tennis,

you can have two serves.

If you do this yourself, you score two points.

Alternatively, you could ask the expert, Jobim,

to do it for you.

You'll only get one point, but let's be honest,

he has got more chance of hitting it

than you have keeping it in the studio.

Who are going to be the tennis players from each team?

Katherine.

-We're going to have Katherine?

-Yes.

-Um, I think Ted's going to go for this one.

-Ted's come prepared.

OK, Ted, Katherine, get yourselves into position with Jobim.

-Everyone help him out.

-APPLAUSE

And if you fancy taking on the likes of Jobim

and tennis is something you're into,

then have a look at...

OK, folks, are you ready?

No!

OK, Matt's team, first question -

which of these famous faces performed at the Super Bowl

halftime show in 2012?

-It's not you, is it? It's definitely not you.

-It's not Phil.

You can take two out.

I can't imagine Delia was there.

"Let's be having you!"

-Going for it!

-We've got to go American.

-It's got to be Madonna.

-How many Americans are there?

-Although Elton John is massive, isn't he?

-OK.

Yeah, Madonna.

Madonna is correct, well done.

So you can ask Ted to do it for two points or Jobim for one point.

-Do I get an electric shock?

-There's no electric shock, no.

But you've got to hit Madonna in the face with a tennis ball.

How difficult is this, Jobim?

Is this quite tough?

OK, Ted, have a go.

Here we go, Madonna.

Argh!

-What was that?!

-Go on, second serve!

-Oh!

-One more.

-Third serve?! Come on, now!

-Oh!

I'm afraid, zero points.

Phil's team, who is the only player to win

the BBC Overseas Sports Personality of the Year award?

Got to be Borg, hasn't it?

Got to be Bjorn.

Oh, Michael Jordan. They're the only overseas...

Not Sylvester Stallone.

We are going to go for Bjorn Borg.

-You're correct.

-Yes!

-Would you like Katherine to have a go?

Let's Katherine have a go.

OK, first serve.

Do my Beyonce serve.

-WHOOPING

-Oh, hello.

-Wow.

OK.

-Not bad.

-Not bad.

ALL: Oh!

Unfortunate. That's still zero points.

You knocked down Mark Ramprakash.

This is going to make this next question a bit hard.

LAUGHTER

Which sports star won Strictly Come Dancing in 2006?

We'll do the next one.

Which of these stars was born in 1966?

-'66? How old..? 50? Nearly 50.

-Yeah.

-48.

-48.

-It's someone who looks a lot older.

48.

Someone who's really abused their body over the years.

Could be Tuffers. Could be Tuffers!

LAUGHTER

-I think the word "decrepit" would be too harsh.

-It's Tuffers!

It is Tuffers! Yeah, it's Tuffers.

Very good year, '66.

-48?

-World Cup baby.

That's what that commentary was about:

"They think it's all over. It is now.

"Tuffers is here." Right.

Ted or Jobim?

-I think we'd all like to see Jobim have a go.

-Yes, I think that's good.

-OK.

-APPLAUSE

OK.

GROANS TURN TO CHEERS

Yay!

We'll take that!

We'll give you that, we'll give you that.

That is a point, yep.

OK, last question for you, Phil.

Who made the number 23 jersey famous?

23, it was...Delia Smith?

AUDIENCE CHUCKLES

-Er, Michael Jordan.

-Yeah, it's Jordan.

-Michael Jordan.

-It is Michael Jordan.

We are going to go for a little bit of Jobim, I think.

I think that might be a good idea.

Go on, Jobim, Michael Jordan.

Go on, Jobim.

-Oh!

-Oh!

THEY CHEER

Good lad, good lad.

A massive thanks to Jobim, everybody!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Stay in school, pal, or you'll end up like this lot.

I'm sure we'll be seeing him

on Centre Court in the very near future.

So at the end of the game, it's 3-2 to Phil's team.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, that was hard, eh?

-That was a tough challenge, that.

-It is, isn't it?

-That young man, the power!

-Jobim was phenomenal, wasn't he?

Makes you think, what's it like at the top level,

those balls coming at you?

Ask Phil.

-LAUGHTER

-Scary.

Right, our next game is the snappily titled

Super Saturday Skid Pan Puzzle Challenge.

Mad and Phil are going to be driving each other

around a soaking wet race track.

Whilst one of them is acting like a boy racer in a McDonald's car park,

the other will be in the passenger seat

trying to complete a sporting puzzle,

a child's puzzle,

and more importantly,

trying not to throw up. Here's how they got on.

MUSIC: "City" by Hollywood Undead

# Let's watch it burn

# Let's watch this city burn the world

# Let's watch this city burn

# From the skylines on top of the world

# Till there's nothing left of her

# Let's watch this city burn the world. #

Too many heads and bums and arms.

Let's go.

TYRES SCREECH

Oh! Oh, God!

Oh, my word.

Oh, this is impossible!

Where does that bit go?!

I've got no idea where they go. The arms don't line up.

-Oh!

-MATT GIGGLES

Don't tank-slap me like that, Matthew.

-Look out.

-..tank-slap me...

-BOTH: Oh!

LAUGHTER

-All right?

-Can't find his legs.

Oh, it's just random...

APPLAUSE

Hey, good work. That looked pretty impressive.

That was some nifty driving there.

It's meant to be a job! That is a joke.

He had one hand on the wheel, there.

At least, if you got into an accident, he could have put you back together, pretty poorly.

LAUGHTER

His arm goes there. You didn't do great, Phil.

It was tricky, that one.

-It was a tricky one.

-It was a rugby scrum.

It was, it was the Warrington Wolves. You got three pieces

in the right place.

Matt, not too much to beat, there, I guess.

Oh, are you teeing me up there? Teeing me up for a bit of a fool?

Matt, you have the European champions Real Madrid

to try and complete. You only needed four pieces.

See how he got on.

Right, OK.

Right.

That was quite cool. I quite liked that one.

That blue has got to be at the top.

It's got to be at the top, blue.

I've got my windscreen wipers on! The windscreen wipers have stopped working.

I've got to do a handbrake. Sorry.

TYRES SCREECH

MATT SCREAMS

MATT RETCHES

Come on, come on. Here we go. Go for the kick plate.

Oh, oh-ho-ho-ho!

Ready...

Aaargh!

Oh, Phil!

Really, really, really don't like you.

There you go, finished!

APPLAUSE

-Let me tell you...

-His driving is appalling.

You have failed your driving test.

Did you actually look like you were going to... At one point.

Yeah, that was when I was retching!

Well, if we thought Phil struggled,

out of 15 pieces of the puzzle, Matt, you managed to get one

in the right place. What's your excuse, there, Matt?

That's a child's puzzle.

On the box, it says "four and over".

I think it actually started with five in the right position.

So you made actually it worse!

Negative, as it went through.

Well, that means Phil wins the game. It's 4-2 to Phil's team!

Now it's time for the final round,

and all the captains have to do is describe words and phrases

to their team-mates, while running on a treadmill

and having things thrown at them.

Now, earlier on, in the Surfer game,

we used that tennis ball firing machine,

so we thought, we've paid for it, we might as well use it again.

With two of its mates.

The score currently stands at 4-2, to Phil's team,

so it's all to play for. Matt, as you are trailing, you can go first.

-I'm ready, poised.

-Let's start the travelator.

OK, let's start the tennis ball machines!

In the decathlon, you do the Fosbury flop.

-High jump.

-High jump, correct.

You throw the ball into the...

-Line-out.

-Yes!

Oh, baseball, baseball, knocked it out of the ground.

A home run.

A home run, well done.

Come on, Matt. Keep going, keep going!

Playing golf, out of the sand.

-A wedge, a sand wedge.

-Yes!

We've got it. Come on, Matt.

-Tennis...

-A serve. A racket.

-Has a ponytail.

-He had a ponytail.

-American?

-American fella.

-Pass, pass, pass.

-Andre...

-Agassi!

Keep going. Agassi! Yeah, that's it, well done.

-Married to Steffi Graf!

-They've got it! They've got it! Move on.

-Agassi!

-Oh! Oh!

-Come on, Matt.

-I'm running! I'm running! I'm running the...

-The relay.

-What's he got? What's he done?

-He's got the baton.

-Well done.

Hey, well done!

Well done!

Good lad.

They always say, don't they, "Don't rub 'em, count 'em."

LAUGHTER

You got six right, well done. You got six.

That takes you up to eight, which means you just need five to win.

-Go and get yourself ready.

-Come on.

CHEERING AND WHOOPING

Let's start the conveyor belt.

This way, Phil!

Ah! Oh!

-60 seconds starts...now!

-Right.

Ah! Ow!

In tennis, not the first one, the...

Serve. First serve.

- Doubles. - Second serve.

Second serve, well done.

Oh...what's that?

Boing! Boing!

- Pogo! - Trampolining!

-Trampolining, yes!

-Trampoline...oh...

British racing driver.

-Lewis Hamilton?

-It's that...

-MICHAEL: Jenson Button.

-Yes!

-Well done.

Oh!

-Oh!

-LAUGHTER

Spanish football team.

-MICHAEL: Real Madrid.

-No, the other one.

Barcelona.

Yes...oh...oh!

What's that?

-MICHAEL: Swimming? Breaststroke.

-Breaststroke, well done!

Oh, fo...!

LAUGHTER AND GROANING

KATHERINE: No, no, no!

Oh...oh!

APPLAUSE

One more! One more!

WHISTLE BLOWS

Well...Phil...

You did very well, considering. Did you do well enough?

How many did he need?

They needed five. You got...

five! You win!

Yes!

-Which means...

-Don't try and butter me up!

Which means, Matt, I'm afraid it's you who's going to face

this week's very painful forfeit.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What better way to end the show than with a relaxing massage?

Instead, tonight, you'll endure a truly painful pummelling from Alex

whilst you tell the viewers at home

what's coming up on next week's show.

Should be all right. Must have had these regular.

-There's not a lot of him, is there?

-Are you goading him?

I'm just saying, he doesn't look that strong.

Right, get on there, get it read.

OK. Put your head through the hole there.

-Right, OK.

-Lovely.

-Go.

-On next week's...

OW!

On next week's Super Saturday, we'll be joined...by Anton...

-I'll hold him down.

-..Anton du Beke and Louise Minchin.

That is really sore!

Come on, get it read.

Helen Skelton takes Phil and I offroading

and we try and balance...our balls.

And we'll be playing dodgeball in the studio.

Yay! That's enough, Alex.

Thanks to everyone on tonight's show -

Lizzy Yarnold, Ted Robbins, Michael Vaughan and Katherine Ryan.

Thanks to Jobim and Alex. Hope you've enjoyed it.

Me, Mark and Phil will see you all next week. Good night, God bless!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE