Part 3 Sport Relief

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING now, sit up straight, and welcome

one of Britain's finest, who will be giving you all the relief you

need, so go ape for the beautiful, gorgeous, super, smashing great,

Hello, and welcome back to BBC1. This is it, it's going to be huge.

I will tell you why, because I am presenting this part of the show

with someone who in the last 48 hours has become a national hero.

He endured a week of hell for Sport Relief. He pushed his body to

breaking points, cycling, rowing and running from par toys Londonen

-- from par toys London. -- from Paris to London. 295 miles under

his own steam. Let's look at how he got on.

That's it. Get the miles done. I have massively underestimated this.

Massively. The one I am worried about is John. One hour's sleep and

he is now in the boat. something's in my way and the end

result is worth having, then I am not prepared to stop. Ow!

I am so proud of him. So proud. is raising a lot of money, putting

himself through hell. He is still my dad, but he is like a national

hero now. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING.

Whatever you are here in the studio or on the sofa at home, please be

upstanding for the legend that is John Bishop!

# You'll never walk alone John Bishop everybody! Thank you.

Now... I have to be honest, has everyone seen... Thank you, thank

you. It's a lovely moment, but there's a lot of people in here

sharing with baubles on their head. I feel I have walked into the

biggest hen-do ever. It's a little like that. I am sure I am not the

only person who watched last night and by the end I was in tears. It

was the most incredible thing to have seen and the most incredible

thing to have done. What was it that made you do it and take on

such a huge task? Well, basically it's because you get the

opportunity to do it. I mean, we had a conversation about stuff with

Sport Relief and one thing led to another and they presented this and

it's not about the show or anything like that. It's about the fact that

people in the UK are unique. They will give to a charity. If someone

comes up to you and says all we need to do is lend your body and

your face for a bit, make you do something you don't want to do but

at the end someone you have never met before will have a better life,

it's hard to say no, isn't it? APPLAUSE. You certainly lent your

body. What was the hardest part? What was the hardest part of the

week, the bit you remember as the toughest? The hardest part was, I

missed penalties in the Carling Cup final, but they had to go to France.

I believe we won, yeah. And then I had to have 24 hours in France,

which is full of French people, I don't know if anyone has ever been

there, that was tough. Next year Sport Relief needs to devote some

money towards making the French people cheer up. When you fell on

your bike and he called you an idiot. He said something in French,

I fell off because I was trying to do that bit where you balance on a

bike and I have clips in and I could feel myself falling and

there's a camera crew there. The one moment in your life in showbiz

and you think I don't want a camera pointing at me! I fell on the floor

and there was a bus stop of old women went mm! What's the reaction

been like since you have come back? We had a drink in a pub a couple of

weeks ago and every four minutes people were coming up going,

amazing thing you did. That was before it aired last night. What's

it opinion like today? They were coming up going love Gavin and

Stacey. It's been brilliant. What happened is when I did it, the

first bit was in France. Then we did the row, which by far was the

hardest bit and if it hadn't been for Freddie, Denise and Davina and

Mike I would never have got through that. I started in England, the run

in England, I didn't even know anyone knew anything about it

because we were living in a bubble and people are beeping horns,

giving us money in the streets. It was amazing and the goodwill that's

been generated since has been staggering. You say the money that

we have generated has been staggering, you don't know the

figure, do you? I don't. I never even watched the documentary.

true, he did a gig at the comedy store. He said I don't want to sit

on my own in a hotel room crying. It's too emotional, some of the

lads are here, and the doctor who got us through, it's probably

something I am not ready to see. Hopefully you are ready to see this.

Let's look and find out exactly how much you raised for Sport Relief. I

can now reveal that the total for John Bishop's Week of Hell is an

incredible �3.412,261. APPLAUSE AND I genuinely, to everyone in the

room I don't know what to say. To people at home I have to say thank

you. When we did this and I went over to Sierra Leone we were

talking about trying to raise money for a vaccine, it's �5 for a

vaccine. If you relate that, �1 million is 2 hundred,000 kids,

that's two Wembleys, six Wembleys full and a couple at love fuss road

-- Loftus Road. You know what I mean. It's... I am speechless. It's

took everything away that I have got. Honestly, can I just say thank

you for those people who donated and continue to donate. That is

just beyond anything I could have possibly dreamed of. It's an

incredible thing. Over �1 million of that was raised by Radio One

listeners. So, thank you guys. It was absolutely incredible. Now,

John, I am right in thinking that this is your first ever go at TV

presenting. Yeah. That's true. Don't worry, there is a lot of

simple rules that you have to go through. Like don't kick Adele off.

AUDIENCE: Oh! The whole nation saw it. I am never

going to live it down. I know what it's like. I could have... Well

done, you won some Brits. Here is the news, get off! It's an

opportunity but for me I got to be honest, I have done my charity bit,

now I am looking at my career. This is my chance with me and you to be

the new Ant and Dec. We could be the future. We could be the new

Krankies. John, I have told you before, I am never going to wear

that school uniform again. Here is what's coming up in our part of the

show. Coming up on Sport Relief:

Absolutely Fabulous. Do you mind not smoking? Just for you, Linford.

QI. I loved your impersonation of the back stroke, Stephen. Record-

breaker Freddie Flintoff is here. Emily Sande.

8 Out of 10 Cats. 4% of male badminton players have suffered a

groin injury. The medical term is shuttlecock. And so much more.

don't want to miss any of that, do you? The following film takes place

in one hour in the only children's hospital in Sierra Leone, I have to

warn you, this is a tough watch. Alfa is desperately ill, all his

In the next bed there's another baby, critically ill with pneumonia

His name is Amadu. Alfa's mum continues her bedside vigil.

Suddenly little Amadu's condition becomes critical and the doctors do

In the bed opposite Alfa takes a turn for the worse.

Both of their boys are on the edge. Alfa's heart fails and he dies.

Four minutes later Amadu sadly loses his fight for life.

So both mothers lost their sons today.

We have to vaccinate and protect more children. We have to stop

children dying like this. Please help us. Together we can

change things. Call 03457 910 910.

Or donate online. Thank you.

There's a �5 vaccination which might have saved those little boys'

lives. Help us to help other mums stop going through that nightmare.

It's just �5. Please. All it takes, five quid. If you are sat at home

and thinking you will phone newspaper a minute or tomorrow or I

will see what's coming on next, don't wait. Pick up the phone. We

are lucky we live in a country where that wouldn't happen but it's

a small world. They're people on the other side of the road. If

someone said to you on the other side of the road someone's going to

die if you don't give �5 you would give it and those mothers, they

don't love their kids any less than we love our kids. Or you love your

kids. So please pick up the phone and make a donation. Call 03457 910

910. Thank you. OK, James, what's up

next? What happens if you get Kate Mosse, Stella McCartney, David Haye

and Colin Jackson with Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley? I don't

know but it sounds Absolutely Fabulous. Yes, it's Absolutely

Well, here, Bemma Bunton. a little Sporty Reliefy charity

I'm just going to settle her into that.

And then I'll come here for the meeting. For the meeting?

For the meeting, darling. I told you about the meeting.

The meeting with Stella McCartney, darling,

and Kate Moss and David Gandy.

Meeting? Yeah, meeting, darling.

For the feature for the magazine. I sent you that idea. All right?

You know, like sport is the new rock'n'roll.

Stella's clothes with Kate and David. And a meeting?

And a meeting. Yes, darling.

Well, they won't come if they think- it's me, will they?

But I can just appear. I'll come by and, like, "Hey, hey.

"I've just been doing this Sporty Relief for charity thing."

Stella will think, "Ooh, she's kind- of cool and give me free clothes."

Yeah, at the meeting.

What?

B-B-Bemma? You're unbelievable.

Even when it's for charity, you're on the make.

Anyway. Come on. Have you got your track suit?

Yeah, I've got a track suit.

I'll see you in a minute. At the meeting. Let me know when they come.

At the meeting? Yeah.

At the meeting with...Stella.

St... A meeting with Stella.

With Stella and... Eddy, who are the others?

OK. Let's get the both of you going.

Both?

Yes, both.

Yeah but I can't get sweaty - I've got a meeting.

Emma, I know you're fit but how about your friend here?

Oh, no. She's not my friend.

How fit are you?

Who the hell are you?

Erm...I'm Colin Jackson.

THE Colin Jackson.

Yeah, well, THE Colin Jackson. I'm very fit and I don't need your help.

Turn on the telly here.

I'm going to get MTV.

Fit enough for you? You haven't even turned the machine on yet.

Ah! Ah! Ahhh!

Do you want to do some jogging? I AM jogging. No, you're not.

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

I will keep going.

Just remember, it's to encourage people.

Now, come on. I know you can last five minutes.

You can do it for five minutes?

Yeah, I can... I'll do it. I can do it.

I'll keep going. I can do it.

Look at you!

Fat, fat, fat, lazy, lazy woman.

Need a machine to move our fat, fat, lazy, lazy legs?

You have to pay someone to shout at her, "Feel the burn!"

Why don't you pick up the hoover now and then?

Do something useful with that fat body of yours.

Fat, fat, lazy woman.

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

Lazy woman.

Oh, my head is swimming. Are you all right?

I didn't think it was biologically possible to be that unfit!

# Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, like Jagger

# I don't need to try to control you

# Yeah... #

Sweetie.

# I've got the moves like Jagger

# I've got the mo-o-o-o-oves like Jagger. #

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

Oh, not another one! What now? What?

Linford, give her a good workout!

I'm going to go and stretch.

Well, you need to.

How's your muscle tone? It's good. It's good.

It's in there, it's in there. Feel it!

I think we'll have to start you gently. Yeah, start gently.

Darling, what are you doing here? They won't be here for a while yet.

Hello! Do you mind not smoking? Oh, just for you, Linford.

Lovely shoulder. It's pretty nice, isn't it, sweetheart?

Have a sip of something, darling.

I've got a sore shoulder. You need to concentrate.

Positive mental attitude. No. I don't see the point, you see.

You're not concentrating.

Here, Linford, Linford. I'm concentrating. I'm concentrating.

Darling, you should be upstairs waiting in case they arrive.

Oh, must I? Darling, I'm not doing this for charity, am I?

Get some champagne and nibbles in.

Darling, remember, Stella doesn't eat fur.

Have we met before? Yeah, I'm Patsy Stone. Patsy. Pats. Pats.

Pat. Pa. Pa. P.

This is Kate. Kate. Hi. Just Kate.

Who in the world doesn't know who you are, Kate?

The amount of time you've been around. What?

Well, you're just like me, Kate. Us 39ers must stick together.

39ers?!

This is David. Hi, David. Hi. Hey, Pats.

I think we've met before, no?

I don't know but I've carried your pants in my last two issues.

Hey, we really loved the idea about- the feature.

Feature?

It's a great idea. Amazing. Brilliant.

The Olympians and Kate? It's a great idea. So good.

Well, cheers. Thanks a lot.

Just don't bring that friend of yours, Eddy.

Eddy? She really twist my melons.

But she's...

Oh, no!

MUSIC: "Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor

Oh, God!

Darling! Pats, are they here? Don't- come, Eddy. Eddy, don't come.

What?

You're actually a really good boxer, Emma. I'm a big fan.

Oh, thanks!

I love boxing!

Just pretend boxing, though. Just pretend.

I can't imagine myself in the ring with you! Oh, I can!

Look at you and your powder puff boxing.

Go on, hit it!

Steady, ladies! Steady!

I can't go to hospital, I've got a meeting.

I've got a meeting.

Stella! Stella! Stella!

Who is that? Isn't that your friend?- I never saw her before in my life.

Another round, please.

Pat! Pat!

MUSIC: "Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor

That's

That's weird,

That's weird, last

That's weird, last time I went to the gym I got knocked out bay Spice

Girl as well. You can download the making of that sketch right now. If

you think that's the only comedy tonight, we also have Jimmy and the

boys together for 8 Out of 10 Cats. An exclusive question of sport and

there is a dream come true for me and men of a certain age, there is

two Sue Barkers. And Stephen Friday will be here with a special episode

of QI. Before all that, let me remind you of the phone number.

It's 03457 910 910. I have to be honest, if you are - I

feel grubby doing that, the only people that remind people of phone

numbers at this time of night are normally on babestation, this could

be a version of babestation, we could do blokestation. Blokes in

sheds going, come on, give us a ring. I will tell you how to fix

your engine. 03457 910 910! I am not wearing safety goggles. If you

can prise the computer away from your kids you can also donate on

the web. Failing that, you can also take money to any bank, building

society or your local post office. You can even write a cheque made

payable to Sport Relief and send it Earlier this year I went to Sierra

Leone to see why your money is so desperately needed. It is a tough

This one has one of the worst child mortality rates in the world for

preventable illnesses like diarrhoea and new pneumonia and

this hospital is on the frontline of a very unfair fight.

This is the first point of call for the parents with some of the

sickest children, as you can see. There's some desperate cases.

You can hardly imagine what it feels like do sit and to know that

some of the children in here are possibly not going to make it.

It's 9am, and already What you're looking at

that came in last night They arrived at the hospital

It's impossible for any parent to not be here

and have your heart ripped out,

because there's no parent who can imagine

what it's like to lose a child,

but to lose it for something that could be prevented.

Nadia is here with her daughter.

She has severe pneumonia.

She has spent every minute of the last 72 hours praying

that her child won't end up the same way.

This is a scary place to be for any parent.

I've got three boys in England, big boys.

I've never been scared that they won't survive.

And sometimes hope is all there is.

One in five children in Sierra Leone don't make it to the age of five.

Across the way, another child has become a terrible statistic.

This may happen here every day, but the grief is always unbearable.

I can't imagine what it must feel like to come...

to come and have to take your child home to bury them

less than 24 hours after you brought them here.

That's how severe this is.

That's how close we are to death.

And every single child has died from a preventable disease.

So please give what you can.

Prevention

Prevention is

Prevention is better

Prevention is better than cure. Watching that film there was a

moment before the end which I didn't think was included in the

film and it was certainly played down, where a mother had been told

a child had died and the noise left her that I have never heard in my

life and it was the noise of a parent having the soul ripped out.

For the sake of a couple of pennies, and if anyone who is present would

have done anything to have prevented that we could have done,

but it was too late. Right now you can help us prevent this. Please

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

give what you can, while Snow Thank you Snow Patrol. Remember

prevention is better than cure. Sport Relief is so committed to

this that they're going to spend �5 million of the money raised tonight

on vaccines, through the GAVI alliance, global organisation

delivering vaccines to children who need it. This could buy a million

vaccines. That will save kids' lives and that is because of you.

So on behalf of them, thank you. Now, sporting legend Freddie

Flintoff holds a couple of unofficial world records, for

instance the record for the drunkest anyone has been on the top

of an open topped bus. And the record for the shortest pedalo ride

ever. He took up the challenge of setting 12 world records in 12

hours. I am going to try to break 12 world

records in 12 hours. A lot of people have done amazing things,

John Bishop, David Walliams, what a man. Over 120 miles in the Thames.

What I am going to do, ping myself up in the air, eat muffins. I am

putting myself on the line for Sport Relief. The previous record

was 70 metres, held by David Hasselhoff. The height now is 90.

We don't just want to beat The Hoff, Two seconds short, Fred.

What is this one? Fastest toilet. Bit gutted so far. I thought I

would have a World Record in the bag by now. I always wanted to be a

hot chocolate world record holder. Easy! You needed to do it inside 30

seconds. Yeah!

Get that! I can't believe it, I am going to be in the big book. This

Christmas when my mum buy it is for me I am in the big book. This is

the record for the fastest time to eat a a -- muffin. It includes

every last crumb. Go! You are doing good. 35 seconds left. Don't forget

the crumbs. Oh, no! Where was that muffin from? It was

like a brick. The muffin wasn't the right muffin.

We have the Sport Relief Facebook page and we are trying to get

30,000 lights in an hour. That will help, do it now. OK, we are going

to help you with one today. We are going to help you?! I am going to

watch it. I am more committed. Three, two, one, go! Oh, Freddie!

It's not a good start. Maybe one long piece. Is he allowed to use

that? That's unfair. Freddie, use this.

That's right it, time is up. What a shame!

30,000 lights in an hour. We are up to 27,500 in about 45 minutes. Less

than that. 25 minutes. So, hopefully we will double our record

tally any minute now. 38. Yes!

Hyde Park and he is going to help us out, trying to break 100 metre

pedalo dash. I have never been on one of these sober.

Five, four, three, two, one! 1.58.6. Yes!

Get in there! Thank you. This is the one I wanted, the pedalo was

the record I wanted. Trying to break the battery record, it's held

The hour is now over, for most lights on a Facebook page. The

total in the end was 5 2000. Smashed it!

That kiwi fella can have that record, stupid. Please welcome

Freddie Flintoff. I am trying to put 44 batteries in my hand in 30

seconds, I couldn't do it. Someone's at home in their bedroom

putting batteries in their hand. What are you doing with us today?

My record. Denise's record, kissing as many people as I can in 30

Denise's record was 29. Fred managed 40. It's a new World Record.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Half the people he kissed then were

blokes. Part two of the challenge is coming newspaper a moment.

Stay tuned to see Gary Lineker and Harry Judd bowling. Alex Jones

getting taped to a wall and Fred in his natural habitat, the pub.

for another thank you now. Can I help you? I want a pen.

have lots of different pens, take your pick. Right. This could be a

little bit complicated because I want a pen and this is a pen and

this is also a pen. This is a pen and um... You are finding it hard

to make your mind up, how about a limited edition Sport Relief. It's

only �1, it goes to Sport Relief and all the Ryman staff have been

helping to raise money. Staff have been helping add to the amazing

total raised. They've been doing a host of activities and. Amazing.

How much has it made? O. Around �300. That's an expensive --

�300,000. It's a normal pen for everybody. I will take one and

thank you for selling them and thank everyone for buying them.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. Thankfully you lot at home have

taken time off from stealing pens and post-its out of the cupboard at

work and headed to Rymans and the staff and customers there have

raised an amazing �377,451! APPLAUSE.

Superb. Let's see how Fred got on with the second instalment of

Flintoff's Record Breakers. Some of the challenges I have been

nervous with, but this is the one I fear the most. I used to be a

cricketer, so I got to get this one I think the record is ten first in

a minute. But they got to be legal deliveries, and looking at some of

the lads I am not sure it's going How did we do? A couple of no-balls

that didn't count. 19. It's a Go on, Fred!

I cannot believe he managed to catch one. That was quite something.

How much, 36? In a minute. And we just had a go and it's next to

impossible. A great effort. 14.0. It's a new World Record.

pleaseded. Thank you very much. the last attempt. I am not feeling

confident in this one. Usually I am a positive person and the glass is

half full. Go on, Freddie!

26.5. Number ten. I am never going in one of these ever again. I am

knackered! Thanks, guys. Brilliant. It's got me to double figures. Just

shows I am not very good in the mornings.

Sorry mate! Amazing when you break a record you are happy, on the

flipside when you fail one, it's worse to losing to Australia. QVC,

never did I think I would be on here. Anything with food in Andrew

will make it. He is now in a perfect job, filling hotdogs with

ketchup and mustard. Stop. That one is split through the

bottom. The current record was nine to beat. You have equalled the

World Record. Get in there! Thank you, Rob. It's got to go on the

top? Yeah, after you have rolled it. Come on!

It's lively, that sugar. That's five. Oh, Fred! No record for this

one, I am afraid, Fred. But well done. 11, one to go.

We moved on to the darts challenge. The furtherest away from the board.

Would you not believe how much I would love to have a darts board

record. I love darts. Getting the elbow a touch higher.

Yes! You can have your three point turns,

bungees, that's a real sport. Phil The Power Taylor, are you watching

son? Just about to go on The One Show and try and break one more

record, taping Alex to a wall. I am not that confident about it, but

doesn't matter. I am just going to enjoy it. It is the fastest time to

duct tape a person to the wall. Hands out. It Hasn't worked. I was

trying to get the last piece on this side. I didn't, it fell down.

I have come in here, because I am hoping I am going to see Freddie

break a World Record, I am I am beginning to think I am an unlucky

charm. Every time I have been present it's gone horribly wrong.

Hopefully I can break that spell. The record was 51: You managed 52.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. It's time meet the man himself.

Ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses for Mr Freddie Flintoff!

Freddie Flintoff everybody! Or should I say 14-time World Record

holder Freddie Flintoff. I haven't seen Freddie since we got out of a

boat in Dover and when we got out of the boat everyone was in bits.

Freddie looked like he had just got in it. A natural athlete. But when

I saw those things that you were taking on, you were even taking on

a World Record held by The Hoff. The sad thing about that was that

is a one I wanted, for the reverse bungee and there was a weight limit.

We turned up and they put me on the scales and all shaking their heads

saying who is going to tell him? He is too heavy. A situation I am all

too familiar with. That's the problem with that. Which of the

records that you broke was the toughest one? Um... The peas with

the cocktail stick was tricky. looked you have to. -- tough. I

wanted the pedalo, for obvious reasons, I have a bit of history.

To be fair that's cheating because you have had years of training for

that. It's the first time I have been on one and can remember. And

then the other one I wanted the darts, I love darts. I wanted to be

a darts player but I prbt fit -- weren't fit enough. When you got

the darts record you said you can take the other sports, the reverse

bungee, the cricket, which is essentially what you are amazing at.

How did you come up with these World Records and whose idea was it

to put the thing together? It was a team effort. It was embarrassing,

you have John a comedian, he has done marathons, rowed the Channel,

I eat peas. You helped me row the Channel, I would have helped you

with those peas. I would have been there for you. I got to ask, your

mate with the curly wig. He was there all day, he was running

things that's how bad it got. bloke you picked up. I have to tell

thu, you don't realise the impact this had on the nation, because I

didn't realise that it was that day that you were doing it and it was

about half ten in the morning and I got a text and I am sure a lot of

people in this country were touched by what you were doing, because I

got a text saying Freddie's just broke the World Record for drinking

hot chocolate. That's what makes you proud to be British. Freddie,

you already hold 14 World Records, we are going to try to make that 15

tonight. So, come with me and we are going to give you the chance to

hold the World Record for the most balloons popped using your bottom

in 30 seconds. I know, this is exciting stuff! So,

how many do you think you will do? What's the record? He needs to do

at least 20 to be a new record. Well, we have Rob here, who is

taking on the Norris role, the official adjudicator. We saw you

there with Freddie getting cream on your head, you are not the first

bloke to suffer that fate. Sorry, that came out completely wrong.

What time is it? We are OK. Rob, I apologise for that, but - I have

just been told to do that. Rob, can you - Ant and Dec are safe. Can you

briefly explain the rules. Sure, the guidelines for this record,

they're straightforward, Freddie has two assistants who can place

the balloons on the chair and they koepbl be placed one -- only be

placed one at a time. He can use the top of his legs or bum to break

the balloons. Freddie f you come around here. We have to turn around

and check that you haven't got any sharp items on you at the moment.

So, just check the whole... There we go. Hey! We are absolutely fine.

Certainly a couple of items in there, I tell you what. After that

cream line, we are finished now. It's all over. OK, all right, so,

Freddie, are you ready? Yeah. you ready? I am ready. Rob? I am

ready. We could make history here live on television OK. APPLAUSE AND

CHEERING. You can start with one on. OK, Rob, take it from here. Three,

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING. We have got to have done that! Hang on. We had

to beat 20. Rob, how did we do? It's a new World Record. APPLAUSE

AND CHEERING. There it is. 15-times World Record holder. Unbelievable

stuff. All right. Now, Freddie, let's find

out how much money you raised for Sport Relief. I can now reveal that

the record-breakers raised an Ladies and gentlemen, give it up

for 15-time World Record holder, Freddie Flintoff!

That's the most exercise Freddie's done even when he had a career.

Coming up in a moment we have a special round of A Question Of

Sport featuring Sue Barker in a way you have never seen her before.

mean we are going to see Barker's Barker?

I don't even know what that means but probably not. But maybe. I

don't know to be fair. All right, now tonight your mobile phone can

be a life saver. We have been talking about how important

vaccines are and if you donate �10 now by texting "yes" to 70010.

Sheer the phone and here is the vaccine. It's now over to you.

Please text now. Here is Sir Tom Jones with those important terms

and conditions. Texts cost �10 plus a standard network message charge.

The whole �10 goes to Sport Relief. For more information and terms and

conditions go to bbc.co.uk/Sport Relief. Cheers.

Thanks, Sir Tom. It's really that simple T will take you seconds to

text. You have been thinking about doing it tonight. Do it now.

Because it will change lives. Tonight we have seen a lot of

children who are living difficult lives all over the world. They need

This hundred-acre rubbish dump is a mess of human, animal

And unbelievably, it's also a place of work for hundreds of families.

It's overwhelming.

The stench for a start, this putrefying smell.

it's just inhumane that people are grovelling around in this,

trying to find scraps and bits of plastic or whatever,

just to exist, basically.

The most appalling thing I think I've ever seen.

Welcome to Hell.

Yet for hundreds of desperately poor children,

scavenging other people's unwanted rubbish to sell is the only way they can survive.

You can imagine some of the stuff that's in here - medical waste,

needles - it's just so dangerous. So dangerous.

No human being should go through this, let alone small children.

Children like eight-year-old Mahabu. He's worked here his whole life.

He doesn't go to school. And he's in constant danger.

For Mahabu, working here is a life sentence.

They're like four and five, these kids.

They should be starting school now.

And they're here, just sifting through filth.

They're even picking it up andeating it, because they're starving.

Just think every kid's entitled to a childhood.

Sport Relief wants to reach out to kids like Mahabu,

to get them into schools, and educated,

so they never have to work in a place like this.

It's just harrowing, it's horrific. And it's got to stop.

It costs just �10 to send one ofthese children to school for a month.

They get education, books, and a uniform.

A tenner, for a future.

What's he, three years old, this little one?

Off to work. Off to work, yeah.

But we can't change this without your money.

So to all the mums, to all the parents, please think of these kids

when you're feeding your own child tonight or tucking them into bed.

Please help us make a change.

Please pick up your phones - and do it now, while you can see this.

We can make a real difference. We can change it.

Please be the shoulder these kids can lean on.

It

It is

It is simple

It is simple - your money can help get these kids access to the

education they so desperately need because that education will give

them a chance of a better life. Please send us a text to donate �10,

text "yes" to 70010. That will give us a tenner, but it will help

change lives. Here with her song # I hope that the world

# Stops turning its back # I hope that we can fix

# I'm hoping that change # Instead of what we can gain

# That a child # How can things be

# But it seems like dreams # A night when you turn

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

# I just hope I'm not Thank you. That is what it is all

about, hope. Back in the days when Sport Relief was a nervous

bystander, there was a veteran on hand to show it the ropes. I am

talking about A Question of Sport. They have provided us with more

highlights than a footballer's haircut. We have had Chico facing a

penalty from Ally McCoist, Bill Beaumont got felt up and Sir Geoff

Hurst once stripped off and it has Sue Barker presenting it! She's a

filth bag! He's just made that up. There is one thing... Ant and Dec

don't do that! There is one thing better than a filthy Sue Barker

presenting A Question of Sport... We did so well at the start! We

were flying. That's having two Sue Barkers presenting A Question of

Hello and welcome who is this getting a special

# I fell in love once # But sometimes these feelings

# I said, "I must be fine cos my heart's still beating

# "Come and kiss me by the riverside"

# Yeah, "Bobby says it's fine He don't consider it cheating"

# Red hair with a curl

# Mellow roll for the flavour And the eyes for peeping

# Can't keep away from the girl

# These two sides of my brain need to have a meeting. #

LAUGHTER

Looks like a tough one to me, but I tell you what,

I'm lucky tonight, because I have my stunt double with me!

And, captains, you will take it in turns to ask questions.

Can't answer them.

Remember, there could be all sorts of body stuff done and everything.

You've got to try...

LAUGHTER

You've got to try and decide who Barker is.

So, Daws, we're going to start with you -

have you got a question for our guest, who can nod, yes or no?

Yea or nay. Are you a woman?

LAUGHTER

Oh!

Over to you, Tuffers. Are you, erm...British?

Yes, British.

That don't help much. Why are you writing that down? British!

LAUGHTER

Do you fancy Sue Barker?

LAUGHTER

You'd better say yes.

I can't begin to tell you,

my wildest dreams of seeingtwo Sue Barkers have just come true.

Your nightmares, you mean. OK, over to you, Tuffers.

Are you older than Matthew Dawson?

What if he doesn't know the answer.

I'm late 30s, ish!

So am I!

LAUGHTER

So you're older than that? You're older than late 30s? No!

Younger. He's younger. It's that mask that don't do you any favours!

LAUGHTER

You'll keep.

Go for that. Are you still a sportsman?

No. Retired. Retired? And younger than you, Daws.

Retired younger than me? Did you play with balls?

LAUGHTER

A ball sport? No. Oooh.

Have you been a world champion?

Ooh-ooh!

World champion.

World champ, British, under 30-odd, retired.

World champ?

Not ball sports. Got to be boxing, hasn't it?

Did you compete as an individual in your sport? Individual.

Do you like Guinness?

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER

He couldn't resist it!

All of a sudden, started moving. "Guinness, get me some Guinness!"

Do you both know who it is? Yes.

I think we've got a fair idea. Ricky Hatton. Ricky Hatton.

Is it Ricky Hatton? Will you reveal who you are?

Come on, the Hattster!

APPLAUSE

You've got eye make-up on, be careful. It was hot in there!

I think I'm about a featherweight, now. Nice silk blouse. Yeah!

I must admit, is the first time I've looked in the mirror

and literally fancied myself.

LAUGHTER

A big thank you to Ricky and well done to both teams.

If you are watching at home and you haven't already donated,

there is still time.

Remember that 50% of the money raised for Sport Relief

will be spent in the UK, so do give generously.

Thank you to Ricky and our teams, from us, here, bye-bye.

APPLAUSE

There

There you

There you go,

There you go, Ricky Hatton looking more scary than Sue Barker! I'm not

going to take the mickey out of Ricky Hatton dressed in a girl's

blouse because he is still hard! So, moving on from one big girl's

blouse to another, Jimmy Carr will be bringing us 8 Out of 10 Cats

shortly. Now, when I was 11, my dad went to be a stretcher-bearer in

the Gulf War. We were lucky. Thousands of war veterans aren't

quite so lucky. I'm not talking about physical injury, post-

traumatic stress disorder can strike at any time. It can take

years to diagnose and it can tear Not flashbacks

And he told me that he sees black cats or something

following him.

Everybody thinks PTSD, the adrenaline going out there,

you're fighting and sorting this out

and flying around in helicopters. It's not.

We were moving through villages and we had to dig holes

to put the dead women and children in.

We went to a flat and found a young woman,

and she tried to kill herself and she shot herself through here,

and the bullet came out there, but she was still living.

And it was something like that, which gave me nightmares for months.

One night, I came downstairs checking on him.

And he was just sat in the middle of the floor,

nothing on, no telly on or nothing.

And he was just rocking.

And I sat beside him, and he was rocking and crying

and he didn't know who I was, didn't know where he was.

He was scared.

That was... Excuse me.

I remember certain smells and Istarting really hearing a high echo.

Your head starts banging.

The tremors overtake the whole body.

Smells would set me off.

Diesel fuel.

High female screaming.

You think, I'm losing my mind.

It's like looking at a ghost of somebody that used to be there.

When he was away working, it was actually better

than when he was here, because he might as well have not been here.

People didn't want to be around me.

That's the only way to put it.

I suppose walking around the house as aggressive as I was

coming across at the time, I think Jamie might

have been scared of me.

I was a bit frightened sometimes,

because he'd be really angry and snappy and vicious.

It all just went.

And it was just basically like having a shadow here.

Your money pays for projects

that offer war veterans like Peter a safe haven

and somewhere to start rebuilding their lives.

I believe Combat Stress put me on a platform to get back on my feet.

And basically gave me a bit of pride back.

Something for me to work on.

At the end of the day, if he starts getting ill again,

we know where to go now.

It's one phone call and he's sorted.

Peter isn't alone.

Two in ten veterans who fought Iraq and Afghanistan

now suffer from mental health problems.

To help support people like Peter and his family, please call...

Or go online and give what you can.

Thank you.

That

That support

That support is

That support is a life-saver. Half of the money that you donate will

be spent here in the UK. �100 trains a welfare officer who can

work with veterans and help them overcome their traumatic

experiences. I'm not asking you to pay the whole �100, but if you are

you could all text in now. We would be so grateful. Time to say another

thank you. There's been some stunning Sport Relief stuff on TV

Sport Relief Does Glee Club to Let's Dance For Sport Relief. Let's

take a look at some of Let's Dance's highlights. You were

amazing! It was physical poetry. Great! West End hit! You have made

my Saturday night a fever! Wow! looked like Ronald McDonald! Hot!

One of the best dances I have ever seen on this show. You have still

dripping off you! The winner of Let's Dance For Sport Relief is

APPLAUSE Last Saturday Rowland Rivron was

crowned Let's Dance champion. Let's Dance For Sport Relief has raised a

staggering �1,094,940. APPLAUSE An incredible effort. Now, what do you

get if you have one Jimmy Carr, add Sean Lock, Jon Richardson, two

comedians, a popstar and multiply it by that sexy girl from

Countdown? It's an 8 Out of 10 Cats Sport Relief Special. Well done,

you win a mug and a chance to come Tonight, on 8 Out Of 10 Cats

And facing them tonight. And their team captain -

Hello, and welcome to surveys and statistics,

Did you know, for example, 14% of people say fishing is a cruel sport,

Because although they only have a rudimentary nervous system,

fishermen can still feel the cold.

LAUGHTER

4% of male badminton players have suffered a groin injury.

The medical term is shuttlecock.

LAUGHTER

And Wayne Rooney has a six-year contract with Manchester United -

after which it's hoped that he can be released back into the wild.

Right, let's get started!

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

And The Winner Is is the name of this round.

Here is your first one. Most boring sport.

BUZZER

All of them. They're fundamentally boring.

The only thing that makes sport interesting is the commentators.

If you actually watch a sport, it's like...

YAWNS

IMITATES HIGH-SPEED COMMENTATOR

You think, "this is actually exciting. I didn't realise, until you got excited about it."

You don't even need to do the rushing around.

Cricket is the most boring sport.

Rachel, I thought you'd like cricket, because they've basically

taken a sport and gone, "How can we get more maths in this?"

It's so boring. It can go on for five days and then it's a draw.

So you're saying cricket's really boring.

Cricket... You realise you're on Countdown. I'm on Countdown, yes.

LAUGHTER

Just saying. People in glass houses.

You can tell cricket's boring, cos even the commentators...

Like in football, the most exciting thing that can happen is a goal,

and when someone scores a goal, they go "Aaah!"

But in cricket, the best thing that can happen is a six, and they go,

"..that was a six."

LAUGHTER

My fiance plays cricket, and hehates it. He hates fielding, anyway.

Really? Does he wake up and think, "What am I doing today?

"Ohh, playing cricket." After a year, you'd think, "Maybe I shouldn't be a cricketer."

Well, he likes batting. There's batting and there's fielding.

But fielding is pretty much just standing.

He likes batting, he likes that bit, but he doesn't like the fielding bit?

Has he considered tennis? Cos it's basically all batting.

LAUGHTER

Example. Elliot. I'll call you Elliot for this evening, that's your real name.

Most boring sport, what do you think?

I'm still upset Rachel's got a fiance. But...

I'm not watching Countdown any more.

JIMMY LAUGHS

Not like that, anyway.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Curling is boring. Come on, that's sweeping up.

It's people with OCD going, "It's not clean. It'll never be clean.

"Filth! There's filth on everything! In men's eyes, there's filth!"

Fishing has got to be up there.

Any sport that you can do while you're asleep can't be classified as a sport.

Any sport that you listen to on the radio. But the worst of all is golf.

The only thing you hear with golf on the radio is...

WHOOSH

You don't even hear it land! You've got the commentators,

and they're whispering, going "He's about to take the shot.

"It's very important. They need the seven iron."

And you're thinking, "You don't need to whisper!

"They wouldn't let you anywhere near the players. You're the golf commentators."

They're probably four miles away in a Travelodge watching it on Sky!

The reason they're whispering is they were supposed to check out at 12.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Golf on the radio is just... OK, so most boring sport. Bowls!

Bowls is the right answer.

APPLAUSE

Obviously, we're not talking about ten-pin bowling.

We're talking about the most boring sport being Crown Green Bowls.

The most exciting thing that's ever happened in a game of bowls

is when someone tested positive for Sanatogen.

LAUGHTER

It's a great game, bowls.

You have to throw the bowl and get it as close to the jack as you can,

and then whoever's still alive at the end wins.

OK, next question - top sportsperson you'd want to swap lives with.

BUZZER

Er, any jockey, cos there's no VAT on kids' clothes.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

I think it'd be good to be Tiger Woods for a bit.

Yeah. Playa!

Yeah, because he's a fantastic golfer, he's rich,

and his wife's left him!

Doo doo doo! Honk! Honk!

No, I think the great thing about Tiger Woods is that he had affairs...

Doo doo doo, get on the fun train! Whoo! Whoo!

The great thing about Tiger Woods is, he had affairs,

he had a few of them with models and porn stars, fair enough,

but he also had a lot of affairs with waitresses, so I imagine

wherever he goes, he gets brilliant service. Yeah.

You want a clue? Usain, could Usain be up there?

Usain Bolt? He's a great person to be as well.

Everyone loves him.

A lot of them, the training and the race and the competitive and the game,

it takes over your whole life. You're there for the whole day.

He's in and out. Couple of chicken nuggets, 10 seconds, "I'm off."

Be exhausting being Usain Bolt.

If you had that thing, "Which of us is going to go down the shops?",

"it's probably you, innit?"

Lewis Hamilton? Well, Lewis Hamilton's number seven.

Jenson Button's number four.

If you're Lewis Hamilton on a race day, I don't imagine that's going to be much fun.

People would rumble me if I... "Lewis Hamilton seems to be going round in second."

Aaaah! "Indicate, pull out." "That's dangerous, by the way!"

I'm going to give you a clue to this. Incredibly posh.

Andy Murray.

LAUGHTER

You can't be posh and Scottish, it's impossible!

Zara Phillips?

Zara Phillips is the right answer.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, it's the top sportsperson you'd like to swap lives with, Zara Phillips.

Zara Phillips is 13th in line to the throne.

She'll be waiting ages - she should just use the one upstairs.

BEEPING

Well, that sound tells me it's the end of the round and the end of the show,

which means the final scores are Sean, Russell and Rachel are tonight's winners with two points!

APPLAUSE

And finally, how about this for a statistic?

Every 20 seconds, a child dies from a disease that could have been prevented with a simple vaccine.

You can help change that right now. Call 03457 910 910 or go online to bbc.co.uk/sportrelief

and please, give what you can. That's it from us. Good night.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

This

This has

This has been

This has been the biggest and best Sport Relief. Now, you can own some

of it forever! Sport Relief, 2012. Presents... Water heaven, darling.

Behind-the-scenes. Miranda... a showbusiness exclusive. I have

never been put in that situation before. Absolutely Fabulous. Take

one. Oh. Patsy I have known for a while. Strictly Underwater. Oh my

God! I can't do it. My underwater dancing is questionable. Bring it

on, darling! Plus the best of the rest. Download now.

APPLAUSE All of that great stuff is available to buy right now.

will get some top notch entertainment by doing that. Can we

say a huge thank you to everyone who has helped us raise money this

way. We really hope you are enjoying tonight, but here is a

film to remind you why we are all Just like any mum, she's trying

TRANSLATION: You've got to face not be a coward or run away

You've got to be brave and fight for your children,

even as a single mother.

But her fight is tougher than most.- Her family are really poor,

and that means her ten-year-old son- Benjamin spends much of his days

collecting other people's waste to make money

to support his younger sisters.

Oh, look at this!

That's horrendous. It's so, so dangerous.

All of these big rocks and pieces of masonry could fall on them.

Knowing her son has to work like this is heartbreaking for Wana.

TRANSLATION: He's only ten, and I worry,

because he says to me, "Don't worry, Mum. I'll go and work."

He should be studying. I pray for help.

It's really hard. You just want him to go to school.

Benjamin often misses school to work at the landfill.

He's supporting his family because he has no other option.

His mum's looking after Benjamin and his sisters alone.

No parent would want this for their- child, but there's little choice.

Benjamin's taken on the responsibility

because there's no-one else to do it.

You are having to be like the man of the family? Si.

That must be very hard.

Si.

Aww. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're a very strong and brave boy,

to be looking after your family like that.

But he shouldn't have to. And there is an answer to this.

Sport Relief support a project here in Lima

that helps working kids get off the streets,

into education and away from such degrading work.

It gives parents financial support and training,

so they have better job prospects.

This means the whole family has the chance to get out of poverty

and make a decent living.

Do you know what? Benjamin is a fantastic kid,

and the responsibility he's got, as a ten-year-old,

it's just...it's just not right,

and you can really, really help Benjamin and other kids like him.

You can help lift the burden for children like Benjamin

and hard-working mums like Wana.

Please call and give what you can.

They really need your help. Thank you.

PIANO PLAYS

# She calls out to the man on the street

We

# "Sir, can you help me?

# "It's cold and I've nowhere to sleep

# "Is there somewhere you can tell me?"

# He walks on, doesn't look back

# He pretends he can't hear her. #

BABY CRIES

# Starts to whistle as he crosses the street

# Seems embarrassed to be there

# Oh, think twice

# Cos it's another day for you and me in paradise

# Oh, think twice

# Cos it's another day for you

# You and me in paradise

# Just think about it. #

You

You can

You can do

You can do something to help those children and make yourself feel

good in if process. To donate �10, text "yes" to 70010. For more

information, go to bbc.co.uk/sportrelief.

stereotype of your average football fan is a fat, lager-swilling, pie-

eating replica shirt-wearing Neanderthal so we sent Gok Wan to

I'm here today to meet a bunch of They've been doing a load of

for Sport Relief, but your Auntie take to streets

OK, girlfriends, tell me where staff and supporters

City fans will take part in raffles these outfits are just

Ladies, do you feel like you've been These trousers, Ladies' Day,

This look is going to be in Paris, Milan and Manchester

All that's left to say to all the staff, fans and players

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

..the body of a child that came in He arrived at the hospital at 3:00am-

It's impossible for any parent 'The awful sound of heartbreak

I can't imagine what it must to come and have to take

less than 24 hours after you've brought them here.

That's how close we are to death,

and every single child has died from a preventable disease.

So please give what you can.

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 278 seconds

Hello, hello, hello, hello, and welcome.

Welcome to a special limited-overs edition of QI for Sport Relief.

And there's an excited buzz in the stands tonight, so let's tee off.

For Jimmy Carr goes...POLITE APPLAUSE

Sandi Toksvig goes...THWAP

Lee Mack goes...ROAR OF CROWD

And Alan Davies goes...PING PONG BALL BOUNCES

They're under starters orders, and they're off.

In which sport has Britain been the reigning Olympic champion

for the past 92 years? JIMMY: Is this something that

they've stopped doing? They have now stopped. Is it still tug-of-war?

It's tug-of-war, well done, Sandi! Absolutely right.

You're winning!

She said, "I don't want to do this,- I don't know anything about sport."

APPLAUSE

What's that question about there's only three sports where you have to go backwards?

Tug-of-war, rowing, and I can'tremember the other one. JIMMY: Darts.

It's not darts, is it?! You don't do that, do you?!

No, cos you've gotta go back...

You don't get to the board and then moonwalk back, do you?!

"I'll have them, thank you."

Fencing is a good one, you're bound to go backwards.

It has to be that you ONLYgo backwards.

JIMMY: Why are you asking us a question you don't know the answer to?!

It's very good. I say "how are you?" Does anyone in the audience know?

Backstroke! Swimming. Backstroke. Backstroke. Backstroke.

High jump is another one. High jump is the answer, I've remembered it now. Hey!

It's not remembering when someone else says it!

With swimming, you can go...

Well, backstroke is... But you're not going backwards -

you're going forwards, but you're backwards. That's different.

Wow. We're in an ontological world of...

But then again you're going forward when you're going backwards in high jump. And rowing.

No you're not, you're going backwards. You are. The way on's that way.

The cox face the front. Oh, not this one again.

Stop it! Stop it, stop it. JIMMY: Only if you tuck it in.

Obviously in the coxless pairs, they are both going backwards.

That IS a ladies sport.LAUGHTER

Can I just say, I loved your impersonation of backstroke,

though, Stephen. That was very, very good. What...?

SEAN: You're not getting your hands wet!

"It's all right, I've got a rubber ring."

There's that one, the butterfly, as well.

Stephen's always the first to be rescued. Exactly.

I'd rather be rescued by the man in the chair. Stephen Fry drowned.

Anyway. What's the most dangerous sport for American women?

Oh, I know this! It's fishing. No. It's cheerleading. Yes!

You're right, Sandi, it is cheerleading! Brilliant!

Honestly!APPLAUSE

Sandi - I have to tell you - Sandi was so nervous about it, she said,

"Do I have to do the Sport Relief one? Get someone else, I know absolutely nothing about sport."

She's winning by miles.

It is indeed cheerleading.

And when we say injuries, we mean catastrophic injuries - death.

That's quite a bad injury. Indeed. Being paralysed for life.

They don't usually do it like that though, do they? Oh, they do!

The most famous one, wasn'tGeorge W Bush on the team? Very good.

And it's here on my card, so it's got to be worth points. He was head cheerleader

for his all-boys high school - there he is on the left.

LAUGHTER

If only there'd been a catastrophic accident. Yes!

How many lives would have been saved.

APPLAUSE

Er, yes. According to the latest figures we could find, in 2002,

22,900 children aged 5 to 18 in America

were admitted to hospitals for cheerleading injuries.

65% of all catastrophic injuries

among American sportswomen at schools

are created in the act of cheerleading.

Is it classed as a sport? Gosh, yes.- Absolutely. They're incredibly fit.

Very, very serious about it. They throw themselves around and do all kinds of stuff.

It's not just going rah-rah-rah. I throw myself around in the but it's not a sport.bedroom,

I'm sure sex is a sport somewhere. Someone trying to make that into a competitive thing.

- An Olympic sport? - Cos I'm pretty fast.

LAUGHTER By any standards.

I think I've got a shot here.

So, what was the most popular sport- in Britain until 1835?

Is it fishing? No, it wasn't fishing. Fishing is,

I believe, still the most popularsport in Britain. Is this spectator sport, or...?

Yes, but people could be expert in it, in as much as you can.

Chariot racing. Not chariot racing.- Croquet. It involved betting.

Horse racing.KLAXON

Oh, dear. Like horse racing... I hear that noise in my sleep, now.

Because my dreams are wrong.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

That's so sweet. You know what?

I've had a few of those, Alan, it's nothing to worry about.

Pigeon racing. Not pigeon racing, but you've finally got the right species of animal.

Falconry. Is it seagull racing? No!

Homing pigeons, what are they...? Not homing pigeons, no. This was banned in 1835. Shooting.

Nothing's been banned in the shooting of birds. JIMMY: Oh, cock-fighting!

Cock-fighting is the right answer, yeah, that's right.

Downing Street had a cockpit, the Palace of Westminster had a cockpit.

When you travel round Britain, every pub... Every village, every town. All the pubS...

That's right. Cock Inn and so on.

LAUGHTER

Downing Street? There was one in Downing Street and the Palace of Westminster.

It was just a national obsession, cock-fighting.

And in fact on Shrove Tuesday, for a fee of what was called one cockpenny,

boys could bring their game cocks to school and fight them for the day. And apparently,

and I'm reading this with a straight face,

"a good cocker would think nothing of cleaning his cock's wounded head

"by sticking it in his mouth and sucking it clean."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Can we just have a round of applause- for keeping a straight face?

APPLAUSE Well done, Stephen.

Thank you.

So the fact is, cock-fighting was the national sport of Britain

up until they banned it. And lastly, my final question,

if you want to give a sporting chance to people having a hard time in the UK

and across the world, what's the very best thing you can do?

Well, the very best thing you can do right now

is to call 03457 910 910 and make a donation,

or visit bbc.co.uk/sportrelief

Go on, be a sport. And tonight, of course, everyone's a winner.

So it's goodnight from Sandi, Jimmy, Lee, Alan and me.

And I leave you with this thought from Matthew Hansen.

"It's not the winning that counts, nor the taking part.

"It's making fun of the little fat kid who always comes in last." Good night.

APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE Stay

Stay tuned

Stay tuned because

Stay tuned because we

Stay tuned because we have a proper filthy Celebrity Juice special

coming up, so, mum, go to bed! are nearing the end of our bit.

Coming up soon are Paddy Kielty and Fearne Cotton with tonnes more for

you to enjoy. Like the Sport Relief Big Hitters, 19 rugby players

playing with JLS. I reckon the rugby players will win that one.

The Misery Bear challenges Mo Farah to a race but makes time for a

drink with Lionel Richie. If that is not enough, we have a Mock The

Week Special. Now before we go, it is time to reveal the Sport Relief

total. The Sport Relief total so CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

MUSIC: Firework By Katy Perry.

Oh! Thank you, everyone. That is staggering. It will be absolutely

brilliant if we could push that up to �50 million. It would be...

we get it to 50, we can buy Fernando Torres back! You might

only need the �903,000 now! doesn't do that! We are finished! I

would love to stay, but I fancy watching the rest of this with a

bottle of wine in my pyjamas. Paddy and Fearne are ready to ride

this Sport Relief rocket into the early hours. Can I come? No. Sorry.

I have told you before, this is a professional relationship!

AUDIENCE: Ah! Even if I bring that Krankie school uniform? OK, son.

Goodbye, Sport Relief. This is what is coming up later! Coming up:

Rugby's big hitters sing with JLS. # Everybody's in love. #

Mock The Week: Everything we raise today will go to charity. A

lapdancer whose 19 and I'm particularly fond of. A downright

dirty Celebrity Juice. Kiss each other for Sport Relief! Argh!

Misery Bear meets Mo Farah. That's all coming your way on Sport Relief.

It is time for the final splash of the night so please welcome your

hosts, they have never felt this way before, and they owe it all to

you. # Now I've had the time of my life

# No I have never felt like this before

# Yes I swear # It's the truth

# And I owe it all to you # 'Cos I

# Had the time of my life # Had the time of my life

# And I owe it all to you # I've been waiting for so long

# And I've finally found someone # To Stand By Me

# Saw the writing on the wall # And with passion in our eyes

# There's no way we could disguise how we feel

# So we take each other's hands # You seem to understand the

urgency # Just remember!

# You're the one thing # I can't get enough of

# So I tell you something # This could be love

# I've had # The time of my life

# And I've never felt this way before

# I swear # It's the truth

# And I owe it all to you # 'Cos I

# Have had the time of my life # And I owe it all to you. #

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Russell Grant! APPLAUSE And

Aquabatix. APPLAUSE There they are. And Russell Grant. Russell! You

wearing that then? I thought we had agreed we were both going to wear

the costumes. I thought you were joking. Thanks(!) Good evening,

folks. Thanks for staying up. Oh - there is no point. Thanks for

staying up. Don't go anywhere, we have lots of great stuff to come.

don't know where to look. We have Mock The Week, Misery Bear with Mo

Farah and Lionel Richie. We've got a stand-out performance from Stand

Up For Sport Relief. We have a special Sport Relief Celebrity

Juice. As you would expect, it is disgusting! That is fantastic. How

disgusting is it? It is really disgusting. If you look down at

yourself... LAUGHTER It is that disgusting. OK. I thought you meant

it was squeaky clean but not much of it! LAUGHTER Remember, we are

trying to smash records tonight, so please give what you can. �45

million,903,156 is fantastic. It really is. APPLAUSE It is. But we

really need more so what we would like you to do is donate �10 to

Sport Relief, to change someone's life. So text "yes" to 70010.

cost �10 plus your standard network message charge. The full terms and

conditions are on bbc.co.uk/sportrelief. That is

"yes" to save someone's life. Please just text "yes". Fearne,

what do you get - I have caught myself on monitor - that is...

LAUGHTER What do you get if you take 19 rugby players and put them

together with JLS? I have no idea, Paddy, but count me in! Fearne, you

are filth! You are the one in a lady's swimming costume on telly.

That is a fair point! What you get, though, is the sound of sweet music

because this year JLS decided to challenge a group of top rugby

players to perform their official Sport Relief song Proud. LAUGHTER

Here is how they got on. It is the Pop royalty JLS are challenging

# You believe that all that I do is to make you proud. #

They've proved they can play.

COMMENTATOR: Colin Charvis!

Good scoring.

Kelly Brown is through.

Mike Catt!

But can they sing?

At a south London rehearsal space, the sportsmen are about to find out,

as they arrive to see what JLS have in store.

Welcome to our rehearsal space.

This is where we rehearse for our tour.

We want to set you guys a challenge

to see if you can go the extra mile for Sport Relief

and see if you can sing our song live on Sport Relief.

Obviously, we'll give you a little warm-up at Twickenham,

at the Rugby Six Nations.

We just want you guys to go on the pitch and sing it before the match.

That's not too bad, is it?

No.

You have to walk out on to Twickenham

in front of 82,000 people and sing.

Absolutely petrified.

You won't be unprepared,

because we are going to show you how to do it first.

# Made me stronger so I'd rise up

# Made my mind up

# All that I do is to make you proud. #

I think it's a fair assumption

that we will never ever get it to JLS's standards.

Don't worry, because we've got an incredible vocal coach

to help you out.

Please give it up for Zoe.

Come on, Zoe.

I'm going to turn you guys into the best singers you can possibly be.

I'd like to hear a little bit of your own national anthem.

# God save our gracious Queen

# Mae hen wlad fyn hadau yn annwyl i mi. #

When you're ready, my love.

# Everybody's in love Gonna put your hands up

# Put your hands up. #

They said to me they were looking for a fifth member.

# Oh, Flower of Scotland

# When will we see...? #

Some are hit-and-miss.

But, Kelly, for instance, he wanted to sing.

He was like, "Yeah, I'll have a little go.

"Do I have to? All right."

The thing is as well,

they're all used to singing their national anthems.

Obviously they are singing one of our songs,

which is a totally different story.

It's going to be tough for them.

We are going to leave them in the capable hands of Zoe.

She has got her work cut out for her.

So, as JLS leave for their tour, the vocal training begins.

There's professionals, there's amateurs, and then there's us.

Terrible.

Yeah, terrible.

I'm a little stressed.

To say it wasn't quite there is an understatement.

We could be making complete fools of ourselves

in front of thousands of people.

I thought, by and large, I was OK

and I thought everyone else was absolutely dreadful.

Quite frankly, if they sing it like that,

I don't know what's going to happen!

Twickenham stadium.

England versus Ireland.

And the first time that the Sport Relief Big Hitters perform Proud