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Sport Relief Part 3

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Ladies and gentlemen, please give a massive Sport Relief welcome to Greg


James and Alesha Dixon. Sport Relief, welcome


back to BBC1, baby! What a brilliant night


it's been and it's just I can feel it.


I'm ready. What a crowd and what a night it's


been so far. Have you been enjoying get? CHEERING


I'm so excited to be presenting this with you, because you look stunning.


I only said yes to doing this because of your laugh,


but we can't have it going on all night.


That's not funny. I love a face swap. Maybe this one... Better. Not


quite funny enough. You are not doing well here. It could get


awkward. One more. LAUGHTER That one is brilliant. That's what


our children would look like. Buy me a drink first. You are silly. This


is going to go mad, I know. Now Greg, aside from taking


on the gruelling Gregathlon like a total champ, completing five


triathlons in five days CHEERING


Thank you. Have you been


doing anything else Let's see what we've got in store


for you for the rest of the night. Still to come on tonight's Sport


Relief, the return of Frank Spencer in Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. Get


out! Sorry! Bloody kids! David Walliams and Peter Crouch star in


Little Britain. You are pretty as a picture, now few pop. Try not to be


so tall and lanky. And you will see Jack Whitehall, Gareth Bale, James


Bay and Alan Partridge. And Clash of the Titans comes to a dramatic


conclusion with a triathlon across the Olympic Park. All this and much


more coming up tonight on Sport Relief.


All that amazing stuff still to come.


Over the years on Sport Relief we've introduced


you to lots of wonderful people living incredibly tough lives -


and through your generosity we managed to change


The three young men you're about to meet can't thank


You're brilliant. Thank you.


This is Vijay. 11 years ago he lived on the railways, scraping together a


living the best way he could. Subu was another of India's Railway


children. He fell from a moving train and had horrific injuries,


leaving him partially paralysed and clinging onto life. In Bangladesh,


Ruble spent his lives on a rubbish dump, struggling to find things to


sell for his family who were struggling to survive. Thanks to


your donations we were able to give these boys the support they needed


to turn their lives around. Vijay has left the railways behind him and


runs a successful painting and decorating business.


Subbu made a full recovery and is studying to be an electrical


engineer. After the operation, they gave life to me. If you can go to


school, you can get knowledge and wisdom.


Ruble is now at school, getting the education he deserves, and he has a


part-time job. Three boys, three lives changed,


thanks to you. This stuff works. Please do it again tonight.


All over the world there are children having to work instead


Kids sleeping on the streets instead of safely in bed.


But as you've seen, bit by bit, day by day, one by one,


You can head over to


Or text the word Yes to 70010 to give ?10.


Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message


charge and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.


You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill payer's permission.


For full terms and conditions and more information go


banks and building societies or any post office.


You can also send us a cheque if the mood takes you.


Here's my radio hero Alan Partridge with more details on that.


Thanks, guys. You can donate by check. This is made out S relief,


could be Simon relief, the amount is just an example. 66566, almost the


Devil's number. The devil would hate Sport Relief. He hates good causes,


or she, could be a woman. The devil takes many causes. That's not all


the money I have in the world, I have loads of accounts all over the


place, you've got to these days. It's made out to a benefactor, Alan


benefactor? Could be Andrew, Algernon, could be Amir. Absolutely


it could be, it is 2016 after all. Give generously, whatever your


dinner nomination. -- whatever your do nomination.


So, just to clear that up then - to donate by cheque,


payable to Sport Relief and send it to Sport Relief 2016,


EY, PO Box 51543, London SE1 2UG.


The fantastic staff at RBS have jumped headfirst into raising more


money for Sport Relief. 750 staff members are completing a daunting


cycle challenge from London to Edinburgh. They are also encouraging


their staff across the nation to take part in the Sport Relief Games.


Thousands of others are taking part in special five K and ten K runs.


They're fantastic customers are also donating money. To the good people


of RBS and the amazing British public, we want to say one thing.


Thank you. Nice to see sisters doing it for


themselves. What have the staff and customers raised?


An incredible amount of money and the generosity has been stunning so


far. Now, Alesha, it's time for the first


big sketch of our part of the show, and boy have


we got a winner for you. I'm afraid you're


going to have to put up with my laugh a bit longer Greg,


because this is funny. Sit back and watch what happens


when Jack Whitehall, takes it upon himself to try


and get his beloved England Football In the end, the German


bench get up and protest Gascoigne has had his second yellow


card of the competition, and here is a moment that almost


brings tears to his eyes. Question marks have been raised


over his temperament The referee has gone to his pocket.


It's red! It was in the goal.


It surely crossed the line. It's on by Cavani,


there is no flag here. So there you go, and Luis Suarez


put the final nail in England's World Cup coffin in Brazil


in 2014, but will they fare any In the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic


Games, I came away with a silver medal, and I came


home a national hero. Yo, barman, can we get




Coming right up, bru. Well, I got sacked from my


last job, and it ain't No, I mean something that people


actually care about. Look, mate, you want the England


footie team to be as successful as the England cricket


team - you've got to use foreigners. We use players from


literally anywhere. Geraint Jones, born


in Papua New Guinea. Shut up!


You're as English as fish and chips. As soon as I touched


down on English soil, it disappeared, just


like that, gone. Come to think of it,


Simon Jones, from Wales, That's how we're going


to win Euro 2016, we will IN SOUTH AFRICAN ACCENT: KP,


you are a genius, player. Sort Kriss Akabusi out


with a massive Tia Maria. Economy, obviously,


as this is Sport Relief. G-Bale, G-Bizzle,


Baleo, the Old Bailey. To do that, I'm going to enlist


the help of the best player So, can you introduce me


to Cristiano Ronaldo? I'm joking.


I want you to play for England. I'm sorry, but I've


got to go training. What I'm trying to tell


you is you can't waste all that talent playing for Wales


like Ryan Giggs did. You're playing with part-timers,


footballers who are working down Think how many more


goals you would score if you were being set up


by Sterling and the Roon-dog. Those puppies aren't


going to look so bad, are they? If you come and play


for England, you are It's the trademark of a 12-year-old


girl at One Direction concert. You are also going to have


to sort out that hair. Look mate, all I'm talking


about is a little switcheroo Why don't you get one


of Scotland's players, JACK SCOFFS.


Don't be ridiculous. You're worried about this


being illegal in some way, a tabloid finding out you don't


have any English blood. Fear not, G-spot,


I've got it covered. Meet your long, long,


long lost English nan, Not according to these


forged documents. Yes, she's an actress,


but nobody needs to know that other than you, me,


and Nanna Doris here. How many times have I got


to tell you, I will never, When you left Spurs,


you became a hero of mine. Look, there's a very easy way


to get me to play for your team. I've never heard anything more


preposterous in my life. Three lions on a shirt,


mate, that's me! MUSIC: Holding Out For


A Hero by Bonnie Tyler. # Isn't there a white


knight upon a fiery steed? # I'm holding out for a hero til


the end of the night # And he's got to be


fresh from the fight Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndr


obwllllantysiliogogogoch. Please, Jack!


No. An inspired attempt


by Jack Whitehall there. Thanks to Gareth Bale


and all the stars who took part And I'm no Welshman,


but what I think Jack was trying to say to Rob Brydon


at the end of that was. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro-


bwyllllantysiliogogogoch. I'm nearly there. I've been trying


to learn it all day and I would really like a little singsong. Are


you up for a quick singsong? If we all sing along together, I think we


can get this. #


Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro- bwyllllantysiliogogogoch.


# Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro-


bwyll-llantysiliogogogoch #


Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro- bwyll-llantysiliogogogoch


# Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro-


bwyll-llantysiliogogogoch #


Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndro- bwyll-llantysiliogogogoch all right,


shut up, that's enough. Thanks, Greg. It sounds a bit like


you laughing. It sounded rubbish. It is a place! I didn't know that.


Sorry. Did you guys know that? AUDIENCE SHOUT YES


Sorry about that. Genuinely sorry. As the donations plummet.


Time to meet a Sport Relief hero who really has gone the extra


mile - comedian and all round ledgend Jo Brand.


Jo walked the entire way across the country from Hull


to Liverpool, and she's here in the studio.


But whilst we let the stand-up have a slightly longer sit-down,


I'm doing this on behalf of all the portly middle-aged women in the


country who needs to get up and live a bit longer. I'm really fit in both


senses of the word. The top of my leg is hurting. I am living with it.


Hello, deputy mayor. She asked me to come and she was blaming me. She is


in pain, she is tired and she has a long way to go. I can do another day


without crying. Do you want this? I would love it. It isn't raining yet.


What if it's all about?! I am absolutely exulted. It was so


fantastic to walk across a massive swathes of the country.


Congratulations, Jo. And to see how generous people are. What a woman.


She's walked the walk, now she's here to talk the talk.


Give it up for the truly heroic Jo Brand!


Jo, what an incredible achievement, and the show last night on BBC One


was so fun to watch. I mean, for me it was. Did you watch it again? No.


My favourite bit was at the end with all the fireworks going off and the


photographers and everything and you just went silent. That was it. That


was the most excited and I have ever been. And he recovered? No. I have


almost. I have physically recovered but mentally I'm not so sure. What


was the hardest part? The hardest part was when I finished it not


having fried breakfasts any more. Oh, they were lovely. Actually, I


was having 6000 calories per day so I decided to save all of those and


have a 42,000 calorie meal at the end of it. As you do! It was lovely.


The support from the public was incredible. As you said in the film,


you have inspired a lot of people to get out there. I hope I inspired


people who wouldn't normally do something, like old, tired,


knackered, set up old women, like me. -- fed up. And old men. Just to


get out there and do a bit. I don't like to hear myself say this, but it


is quite good fun, if there is a bakery on the way. So try it. We


think you are amazing. Jo, it's time to reveal how


much you have raised Jo Brand, your Hell of a Walk has


raised a hell of a lot of money. Let's take a look at


exactly how much... You have raised: amazing! Wow! You


know how much good that money is going to do. I am gobsmacked. And


due to everyone and all the fantastic people I met and sorry to


all of the ones I was grumpy too. Right, it's time to say another big


Sport Relief thank you. Since the beginning of Sport Relief,


Ryman and Robert Dyas have been raising money. Both of them have


been selling these fantastic pens and donating 70p from every ?1 spent


on them so, every time you buy one, you are helping somebody less


fortunate in the UK and around the world. Critical, a? Yes! Their


amazing staff have taken it on themselves to raise money for Sport


Relief, helping to raise huge amounts of cash. So, to all of the


amazing staff and customers, we have one thing left to say.


A huge thanks to everyone who bought one of these Sport Relief


pens/football clackers/tiny bookmarks/chopsticks.


Let's find out how much the Ryman and Robert Dyas staff


Now, getting a good education and then moving into work


and becoming self-sufficient is crucial for lifting children out


of poverty and helping them fulfil their potential.


And the great news is all of the money from tonight


that we earmark for that kind of work will be matched by the UK


Government up to ?10 million, which will help transform the lives


of young people across some of the world's poorest communities.


So, a really big thank you to the Department


for International Development, and to all of you watching


for helping change so many lives for the better.


OK, I thought I knew a bit about refugees.


I was fortunate enough to be sent to Jordan White Sport Relief to look at


the refugee crisis. Sport Relief asked me to go two weeks ago before


I did the triathlon. I was finding out some of the places the money was


spent in some of the places they spent it on and it turns out I


didn't know much at all about it. This is my first time in a refugee


camp. The thing that has struck me the most, immediately, is how


desolate the landscape is. This is a desert. It is really isolated. It is


really cold here. And the rows and rows of these houses they are


endless. It feels really oppressive. It looks very temporary. And yet


people are here for years. It's just desert and hills and rocks. It is


like Mars. This camp has been these peoples home for nearly a year there


-- nearly a year now after they fled Syria.


How did your life change when the crisis started?


It is so... It's such a hard... I'm still trying to process that story,


but it's so tragic. And unfair. There are so many stories here, of


loved ones killed, homes destroyed, and lives devastated. Ordinary


people going about their daily lives who have lost everything. We can't


turn back the clock. What's happened has happened, and the journey is the


families have been on up until this point, are done. We are where we are


and they are where they are. What we can do is help them from this point


onwards. And believe me, they need help. Sport Relief funds the only


nursery in this refugee camp. It's a vital project that gives children a


safe place to learn, to play, and to be kids again. Just because you


might think this is too big, but that doesn't mean that what you


donating right now will not make a difference, because it will. What


the turn it is? It's too big, let's not bother? Absolutely not. Dig


deep. Donate what you can. Anything you can give will change lives, and


you give kids their childhood back. Thank you.


So, in concrete terms what can we do to help?


Well, as you've seen, that fantastic nursery lets those


It costs ?40 for a child to go for a week.


Anything you can do to put a smile on their faces would be amazing.


Since going out there I've become very passionate about this cause,


speaking to people all the time, and I'm proud of that story is that we


told on Radio 1. There is a lot of stigma attached to the refugee


crisis, but what we need to remember is that whatever you think of the


political situation, the government, whatever, its people and humans


caught up in the crisis. You have to remember that, do not dehumanise


them. It's people like you and me, families like your family and my


family. It's people like that, people who had jobs and hopes and


dreams. They were at university, and then they woke up and it was all


gone. They are people living lives. They are not dissimilar to our lives


and our families. They like One Direction, and they have Facebook.


It's not an alien part of the world. I have been there and seen it and


it's happening right now. It's very important that we don't forget about


these people and write them off, because they feel like they have


been forgotten about. I think it's time we stepped in and gave them a


leg up. Imagine waking up tomorrow morning and you have to leave your


house. Grab whatever you can,


and never come back. To donate ?10 just text


the word YES to 70010. Texts will cost ?10 plus your


standard network message charge. If you want to know more details


about how Sport Relief makes its grants and manages your


donations, all the information is available at

:33:38.:33:39. OK, now, last year, you may have


seen some of the biggest names in football taking part


in the Dizzy Penalties online craze in support of the


Global Goals campaign. The challenge is to score a goal


after spinning around You haven't seen this. I look like


an idiot. Great. Never ones to shy away


from a Sport Relief challenge, myself - a dedicated Arsenal fan -


and John Bishop - a lifelong Hello there, and welcome to the


Sport Relief easy -- dizzy penalty spectacular. One goal, one ball and


plenty of falling over. Spin around the football 13 times, and then try


to get it as close to the goal is you can. A healthy rivalry to play


this out. Liverpool fan John Bishop, and Mr Arsenal, Greg James. John,


you have attempted some amazing things for Sport Relief. This is the


hardest thing I've ever done, without any shadow of a doubt.


Because I've just eaten a burrito and there's a good chance of me


being sick. Greg, you smashed the Greg Haslam. Any skills you picked


up that could be handy? When it's done, I will always cry at the end


of some exercise. That's what will happen at the end of tonight. --


Gregathlon. Time to toss the coin. Heads! It's tails. First or second?


I think John should go first. Ladies and gentlemen, John Bishop can take


his position by the ball. It doesn't mean a thing if you ain't got that


spin. Start on my whistle. One, two, three, four, five, six,


seven, faster, come on, eight, nine, ten... He's losing it! 11, 12, last


one. Ready when you are! LAUGHTER Come on, John, for your team. For


your family. Yes! John, talk me through that, what was


it like? Can you get up? It was everything I dreamt it would be. I


can't wait for you to do that. Greg James, you've seen it. It was


murder. You scored! I also fell over. Arsenal out of the FA Cup and


Champions League, time to grab it back tonight. Thanks for bringing


that up. It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that spin. One, two,


three, looked at the speed, four, five, six, slowing down a bit,


seven, eight, nine, ten, three to go. 11, 12, 13. Ready!


What a hideous mess. Greg, are you all right? What went wrong? I forgot


where my feet were. Did I score? Sadly not. You did well. Your


champion of dizzy penalties, John Bishop! CHEERING


That's it. The burrito is safe. Goodbye.


That was brilliant. What an idiot. I loved it.


Please welcome back, my dizzy partner in crime,


APPLAUSE I'm not surprised you hadn't seen


it, I would be embarrassed. You did do the Arsenal kit proud. We've all


had a brilliant evening tonight, but every journey begins with one step,


and every big event starts with one idea. Tonight I want to introduce


you to a man who has done more to change the world than you can


possibly imagine. He's been with Comic Relief as an organisation for


26 years. 14 years ago he came up with the idea of doing something in


between the Comic Relief years, and Sport Relief was born. He had to


convince people it would be a good idea, and tell people to get


involved. They have done. In the time he was with Comic Relief, they


have raised ?1 billion, ?300 million has been raised from Sport Relief.


To put that in context, we talk about ?5 buying two mosquito nets.


That's 120 million mosquito nets. And that ignores the fact that 50%


of Sport Relief stays in the UK and is spent close to why you live --


close to where you live. He started Sport Relief 14 years


ago, but tonight he's retiring. Please welcome the true


Sport Relief hero - Kevin, for the benefit people at


home, and I know because I've asked you this, because you have talked


all of us into crazy things, what made you come up with the idea of


Sport Relief? I'm a big sports fan, I love football. Let's clarify, you


support Man United. It's the only trophy Liverpool will win this year.


There was the opportunity to use the power and passion of sport to try to


change peoples lives and make a difference. We did Comic Relief


every two years, so the opportunity existed the year to bring in sports


men and women and comedians and entertainers, to continue to do the


great work we do. The need is endless, but progress is there all


the time. By getting sports men and women involved, we could get twice


as much as just Comic Relief. The opportunity was there. So why not do


it? Has it reached your ideals, gone beyond your dreams? The money raised


is huge, but not only the money raised, but the involvement of


people. People doing the mile on Sunday, getting off their couches.


You have changed people's lives. People getting involved in sport who


haven't done it before. Was that part of the plan? It was part of the


plan, but it has gone beyond my dreams. You can often have ideas in


life, and the idea is the start, but turning that idea into something is


really difficult. I'm faintly embarrassed to be here tonight


talking about my role in it, because you have to bring everyone else


together. All the artists and entertainers who give your time to


it, all the viewers in the studio and at home. All the people who have


donated ?5, ?10. It's a great coming together of community in the


interests of generosity. Billy Connolly said on Comic Relief that


people talk about compassion fatigue. But he said there was no


such thing. It's like saying there's too much love in the world. The


brilliant thing is the British public demonstrate every year there


in enormous capability for compassion and love. It has


fulfilled my dreams and more. It's gone beyond what I could have


imagined. There has been a great coming together of everybody who has


taken part. We have a video that has somebody up Sport Relief.


Sport has the power to change the world.


It has the power to unite people in a way that little else does.


Sport can create hope where once there was only despair.


For the last 14 years, Sport Relief and you,


the British public, have been working together to change lives


Half of your donations fund projects here in the UK.


The other half go to the poorest countries in the world.


In Kenya, we are supporting a project that uses football


to teach leadership skills and teamwork.


And it inspires children to get an education.


For young people with disabilities in the UK, sport can unlock a whole


It makes me feel confident and I make new friends.


Your money supports street children across the world,


giving them a safe place to sleep, and, through sport, the chance


In Bangladesh, drowning in floods is a major cause of death


in children, so Sport Relief taught children to swim


Here at home, a lot of older people can face loneliness and depression.


Sport Relief supported this project, where sport makes them feel part


Across the world, your donations are inspiring people to get active


I want to be the best boxer in the world.


That's not a bad reason to support something, is it?


This is your chance to be part of something amazing.


So please, help us to do even more and be as generous


Kevin, that sums it up. Over the years, we have done our best for


you. Tonight, your last night as the chief executive of Sport Relief,


perhaps you can talk camera free and tell people your own message. I


suppose the thing I would like to say, one thing is thank you


enormously for the incredible work you have done over the years in


donating to Sport Relief and making the changes possible that we have


been able to help with but, more importantly, everyone gives up their


time for this great cause to help change lives. We have seen Michael


Crawford mention it, Greg was just talking about it, but repeating it


makes it no less true. You can make changes. We have seen how ?5 will


pay for two mosquito nets which children could sleep under tonight


and it would help save their lives. ?70 could help educate a child in


Sierra Leone to go to school for a whole year, and that year's


schooling could make the difference between living in abject poverty or


moving out of poverty and getting a job and living a fulfilled life. The


thing I would like to say to everyone watching at home is, if you


get the chance tonight, could you make one more donation? John talked


about my dream when I started Sport Relief. My dream tonight is to have


the biggest Sport Relief ever. I have had so many people say it over


the years, but the number will be on your screens. Or you can text. And,


please, give generously. I have seen the work and I know the changes it


makes. It has been one of the privileges of my life to be able to


go and meet people in the field and to know their common humanity and


potential. This is all about helping people fulfil their potential. Lenny


Henry famously said on one of these nights, forget geography, everyone


is your neighbour and, if your neighbour was in trouble, you would


help them out. Please tonight, make one more donation. Thank you.


Ok, please give it up for John Bishop and Kevin Cahill.


OK, as you know the Sport Relief weekend is a huge event up and down


the country with so many fantastic people wanting to give their time


to help raise huge amounts for those who need it most.


Not only are you, the great British public, going


above and beyond but we've had some of the biggest names in sport


queuing up to be part of the night, not just in front of the camera


but they're helping us out backstage too.


For example Mo Farah offered to be a runner on the show


Andy and Jamie Murray are serving behind the bar.


Amir Khan has been working hard in the box office.


And Team GB's curling team are keeping the place spotless.


The ladies have asked me to tell you that they are available to hire


for Private Functions, Corporate parties and Christenings.


I'm not even joking, they asked me to tell you that. That is a true


story. Thanks for the offer. Random but true!


Ellie Simmonds is on wardrobe duty over at the Aquatic Centre.


That one is mine. That would suit you.


David Ginola is helping with hair and make-up.


Chris Kamara is operating the autocue.


Kriss Akabussi, who else, is keeping team spirits high.


You are going to be record breakers! Come on! Move, move!


And Formula 1 legend David Coulthard's taking care


I've told you, I run, swim and cycle everywhere.


Ok, please give it up for our Sports Star Crew.


OK, time now to go trackside for the fifth and final Clash


It's a triple whammy, it's the Triathlon.


Welcome back to the Lee Valley VeloPark. Come on! It all comes down


to this, the final event. Let's remind you of the scores in Clash of


the Titans at the moment. Team Flintoff with eight points. Team


Redgrave with seven. They have a 1-point lead going into the final


event, which gives them a one second head start in the team triathlon.


The winner of this one will be crowned champions of Clash of the


Titans 2016. To explain how the event will work, there is the


commentator, Simon Brotherton. The winner of Clash of the Titans, we


will know it at the end of this race. It starts in the Velodrome and


reaches a crescendo in the Aquatics Centre. One above each team will


race each of the three disciplines. Let's have a quick look at the


cause. -- one member of each team. As soon as each crosses the


finishing line, to Invictus Games helpful is will run across claim


Elizabeth Ebdon park, and then the swimmers will swim a 50 metres


length of the pool. The first team to finish will be the winners. We


will take you to the cycling. As soon as that is finished, we will


hand over to Andy Jamieson for the running and swimming. Andy is


waiting for us now. He is ready to go and so are we. Back to you now,


Dan. We will see a full list of Ramos, riders and swimmers in a


moment. -- runners, riders. Let's learn a bit more about the


incredible men running the second leg of the triathlon. In 2008 I lost


my left leg in Afghanistan in a roadside bomb. I took part in the


2014 inaugural Invictus Games, where I picked up four gold medals and one


silver medal in multiple swimming events. I am Paul Vice, an ex-royal


Marines. I lost the use of my arm and in Afghanistan. Since then, I


had my leg amputated and this is next challenge. Paul and Mike have


been training hard with Olympic double gold medallist Dame Kelly


Holmes. Go, go! Well done, guys. While they get their breath back, a


special arrival from a familiar face. Halla we? -- how are we? Come


to join us? The fact that Invictus athletes are taking part in Sport


Relief is huge for us, whether it is running or cycling. They are


inspiring a new generation. I'm thrilled that the Princes trust has


a part to play. What is the trick, to pace yourself? People tend to go


too fast on the first 100 metres. Paul has had his leg amputated since


I last saw them. To see him running now is great. And Mike, to send him


round the track, that is fantastic. Prince Harry really cares about us.


It is nice to see him stirring song but he didn't bring his blades. I am


going to reveal that... I am not going to reveal. All I am going to


say is that it is pretty close and good luck on the night. But


remember, don't go off too fast. Given their competitive edge, it


will be a great race. I will give it everything I have got, even if I


have to crawl over that finishing line. I can't let anybody down


especially myself. That is when Harry Met Kelly, Paul and Mike. I


think we are ready to get this started so let's hand over to the


commentary team. I think we are ready for this, Rob?


The two teams are limbering up for the race of their lives. It is a


battle of the broadcasters as BBC newsreader Sophie Raworth takes on


radio one's Clara Amfo O. Raring to go outside the cotton box, Invictus


athletes with royal approval, Mike Goody and Paul Vice. For the final


leg, for Team Redgrave, Dan Snow and, for Team Flintoff, ready


Flintoff. One of these men will clinch victory. The difference in


points will be converted to seconds for this final decider, and it


couldn't be closer, a Team Flintoff were one point ahead, first to go on


the track with a one second head start will be Sophie Raworth. And


she is away, and the second beep is for Clara Amfo O, so BBC One news


leader Sophie Raworth in the red. On the other side of the track, in the


blue, Clara Amfo O, the mid-morning present on Radio 1. A much better,


more solid start by Sophie. This event is so short you just don't


hold back. It is about pure speed, get out and on the gear. What a


welcome sound the bell will be for Sophie Raworth and Clara as well.


They are almost halfway around the last lap. Sophie Raworth opening up


a bit of a lead. It looks like she is enjoying it as well. It may only


be two laps, but it is starting to hurt. There will be a gap, and an


advantage for Team Flintoff. Let's go straight outside. Out to the


breezy freedom of the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park. And we have


our two heroes from Prince Harry's incredible Invictus Games. Here we


go, this is Mike Goody. He is off. And now the commando who refused to


die, the ex-Marine corporal, Paul Vice, in the blue. This is Mike


Goody now. Dame Kelly Holmes said, don't go off too fast. It looks like


they have gone off relatively well. This is Mike Goody. Just before we


started, I was having a chat with Dave Henderson, the Invictus team


captain, and he said this isn't just about Flintoff against Redgrave it


is about the Royal Marines against the royal air Force. Mike Goody, the


RAF, and Paul Vice, the Royal Marines. This looks very comfortable


indeed. Maybe a 20 metre gap now. Paul Goodie leading -- Mike Goody


leading for Team Flintoff with Paul Vice just behind him, but tracking


him well. Also, Henson said, one key factor here may well be that Paul


Vice only lost his leg 18 months ago whereas Goody lost his maybe four or


five years ago. I can tell you, at the Aquatics Centre, we have Ore


with Freddie and Dan Snow. They are ready to go. I have with me the guys


who could yet make all the distance -- only difference. Freddie


Flintoff, your man is in front just now, so are you in visualising


winning? Mike is doing well but he is catching him. It is going to be


tight. You might have deployed it time back, Dan. Do you have it in


you? I am hoping... Oh, Paul is coming through. He is doing me a big


favour! It is really tight. Back up to you.


Was really tracking Mike Goody there. As he gone off to quick? It


looks like Goody is really starting to go. As he timed it really well?


They are both struggling a bit, a bit of an incline here, and then


they go down and alongside the canal. Is Paul Vice starting to


tire? Mike Goody starting to pull away again. Look at these two


athletes. Here is Mike Goody. He must have about 200 metres to go at


this stage. 200 metres to go, come on, Paul Vice at the back. He has


run very well indeed. He isn't out of this at all yet, the Royal


Marines. There is the cyclists. What a great race that was. 50 metres to


go, just 50 metres and they are entering the building. Mike Goody is


leaving for Team Flintoff. As soon as they pass the finishing line,


these runners can go. Flintoff is off. Flintoff on the left-hand side


and Dan Snow on the right. Dan Snow in the blue, Flintoff in the red,


and Flintoff looks very good. These conditions should really suit him.


It is overcast and it should be suiting a fast bowler. He has a fast


bowler's struck. Look at the effort here. Fantastic effort from Freddie


Flintoff. Coming back is Dan Snow, coming back very fast. Can he make


it on the far side? Get his head down. Five metres to go and it looks


like it may well be Freddie Flintoff who is going to win the 2016 games.


What a fantastic race it was, and so close in the end. Utterly brilliant,


brilliant it was. Freddie Flintoff was slowing down at the end. Dan was


catching him. Down in the blue. What a brilliant swim that was. Well, the


final five metres, and it really was very tight indeed, but Freddie


Flintoff anchoring his team to triathlon gold and with it winning


Clash of the Titans glory. Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for our


Clash of the Titans champions, Team Flintoff! Don't go anywhere,


Freddie, I want to grab a quick word with you. Could you feel him


breathing down your neck? I didn't know where he was and then he was


right next to me. He is like a fish. On the final leg, Dan Snow, you may


it as tight as tiger. Two races against Freddie, two defeats the me.


He is too good. Didn't he do well, ladies and gentlemen? Not quite good


enough, though. Ladies and gentlemen, your champions, Team


Flintoff! Let's chat to Paul, you had a


catch-up to make, but you made good work of it. Yeah, I thought I might


get closer, to be honest. There was a head start but I thought it was


doable. I got him on the bridge and thought the tank was running pretty


empty. I just got on his heels and try to give myself the best shot.


Mike, he was bearing down on you. But you got a tank in you as well.


How was that run? You must be pooped. I'm hanging out. I didn't


know where he came from. Out of nowhere, I didn't hear him coming, I


thought I had to dig out something. Well done to these two. Well done to


the two team captains. It is Team Flintoff who take the Clash of the


Titans title. We will be back very shortly for a very special victory


ceremony. Don't miss it. Wow. They think it's all over,


and, well, it nearly is, but not before an official trophy


presentation hosted by Jo Brand and Martine Wright


in true Olympic style. There's also a chance to see that


brilliant Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em special starring


Sir Bradley Wiggins, Sir Paul McCartney, Andy Murray


and Boris Johnson to name but a few. Now, recently Danny Dyer


went to Sierra Leone. And I have never seen


anything like it in my life. At this very moment I'm embarrassed


to be a human being. How it gets to this stage


where children are running There's a kid over there,


he's got flip-flops on. There's glass, there's fires


and he's just got flip-flops on. And he works on this rubbish


dump every single day. In fact, he's never known


a life outside of it. Because Usman and his family


actually live on the dump. The money, I buy food


for them so we can survive. The money, the father buys food


for them to survive. TRANSLATION: I want to


leave this dump site. Hassan, do you think it


will ever happen for you? TRANSLATION: He's not really


thinking if that will ever happen The powers that be, whoever


they are, forget about all that, we can actually come together


as human beings and help Just from sitting where you are now,


the difference you can make I know they seem


a million miles away. You can make such a difference


from such a little thing. So please, get these people out


of this, this just ain't right. We've got to come together


and make this happen. If you've never done it before,


make this the first time you've It seems just too massive a problem


to do anything doesn't it, We're working with a project


who take little kids like Usman It's the only way


off that awful dump. ?70 pays for a whole


year of education. I'm not asking you to


pay the whole ?70. 03457 910 910 or donate online


at And if you haven't done it yet


tonight, do it now. If you have seen that, and haven't done it yet, pick


up your phone, your mobile, scrolling through Twitter, whatever,


just close it and put the word yes in the message box and send it.


Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message charge


and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.


You must be 16 or over and please ask the bill payer's permission.


For full terms and conditions and more information


Here to perform his wonderful song Let It Go


# From walking home and talking loads


# To seeing shows in evening clothes with you


# From nervous touch and getting drunk


# To staying up and waking up with you


# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?


# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?


# From throwing clothes across the floor


# To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you


# Why are we doing it doing it, doing it any more?


# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?


# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?


# Trying to fit your hand inside of mine


# Could make it feel right, no


# Trying to push this problem up the hill


# Think now's the time to let it slide


# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?


# Why don't you be you and I'll be me?


Right, it's time now to crown the rightful winners of Clash


Let's head over to the Aquatics Centre to congratulate the winners.


Thank you very much, welcome back to Clash of the Titans 2016. What a


night we have had. The velodrome, I don't think I will ever recover from


the intensity of the wrestling. You know what I'm talking about. Temp


Tameka, I know she was on the losing side, but the double splits. It's


been sensational, seemed Russell Kane and Will Young go head-to-head


underwater was the stuff of dreams. Or nightmares, depending on how you


look at it. It was quite incredible. We have seen quite a few things we


will never forget. Some good reasons and bad reasons. One team sadly fell


just short of the title. Go wild one final time, runners-up, Team


Redgrave. Guys, didn't quite work out. Steve,


nevertheless it must have been a proud moment to lead this motley


crew. I have said before, they have trained for the last two years, and


that isn't quite true. But maybe the last couple of days. I'm very proud


of the team and they have done wonderfully well. What a finish as


well, so close. You have to give it to Freddie's team, they did


wonderfully well, just a fraction better. Dan Snow nearly did it.


Paddy, can we talk about the wrestling? Let's. You got in trouble


for the slapping. I got points docked for the slapping. He did an


illegal move but didn't get his points opt, not that I'm


complaining! I lifted him up, and it was like lifting up a piece of


steel. He's ripped. Superb for him. Kane,s The real heroes tonight, Paul


and Mike? The fantastic run he had, just amazing. I thought, this is


going to be a fantastic finish. But Paul fantastic. It's lovely to hear


from you. I'm afraid you are losers, the lot of you. Let's hear it for


Team Redgrave everybody! CHEERING AND


APPLAUSE Now, ladies and gentleman, time to welcome back our heroes for


tonight, our Sport Relief 2016 Clash Of The Titans champions, Team




APPLAUSE Well, it was exemplary stuff from


your team, but from yourself as well, kicking off with a win,


finishing it off with a win. A great night. The team have performed so


well. In that swim at the end, Mike gave me the one second I needed


otherwise Dan might have called me. A fun night. He's still got it in




Harry, oh, my goodness me. That was pretty intense. You're a wrestling


superstar. There are ladies and gentleman, who would love to see


your victory ceremony revealed again. Do we have that? We've got


time, if you wouldn't mind. Your Friday night starts here,


follow that Dazza. I doubt it, mate. My love story was with Fred, I


enjoyed it rhythmic gymnastics. Really enjoyed it. Great fun. Raised


a lot of money. Fantastic evening. Incredible team effort. Ladies and


gentleman, team Flintoff. CHEERING AND


APPLAUSE To present the Clash Of The Titans trophy it's a delight to


welcome two women out here to give the trophy away. She was the gun


starter tonight, first up Jo Brand and one of the heroes of the


Paralympics for 2012 Martin Wright. -- Martine.


APPLAUSE You've been there, seen it, done it and won it. I wanted to ask


you, Steve said lovely words about Paul and Mike, what did you think of


their particular effort this evening? I think all of them have


done absolutely fantastically well. It's such an honourable charity. The


amount of people they're going to be helping is amazing. So well done


guys! Congratulations. Thank you. Jo, we've seen plenty, rhythmic


gymnastics, synchronised swimming, wrestling, which are we signing up


for in 2018? The wrestling definitely. Freddie Flintoff is


laughing, but he will be the first to go.


Our organisers have got their hands - He's out. It's time for you to


present our trophies and flowers to the winners. I'd love to. Pick up


the cup, Jo. Ready to go wild everybody? The winners of Clash Of


The Titans 2016, it's Team Flintoff! CHEERING AND


APPLAUSE Go on Team Flintoff, you deserve a


true victory lap. Off you go, go on! Soak it up, every single minute of


it. # We are the champions, my friend


# And we'll keep on fighting till the end... #


As they enjoy their little lap of honour, thank you so much for


watching Sport Relief Clash Of The Titans 2016. I hope you agrow with


us, so many highlights, so many things we will remember for quite


some time. That is for sure. So much to come on Sport Relief tonight and


still loads of time for you to get donating. Make sure you do. So much


more to come. From Dan and myself... Good night.


What a night. Congratulations to Team Flintoff. I'm jealous of that


good time. Now, I do want to remind


you that 50% of the money you donate tonight is spent


right here in the UK I'd like you to meet a fantastic


little boy called Jason. He's been through a lot


in his short life, but luckily he had some help -


funded by you. This is a project called


Sebastian's Action Trust. It is funded by Sport Relief


for children who have life You can just make loads of noises


and I kind of like it. I think you might know


what this room is. This room is, unfortunately,


the girls room. Now 12, Jason had


a tough start in life. As a toddler, he was


in hospital regularly. And at the age of four


he was diagnosed with a very rare Jason fought the battle of his life,


and with the support of Sebastian's Action Trust,


he survived cancer. But unbelievably, the family


were rocked again. In 2011, Jason went


to bed and woke up the next morning, tried to get out


of bed and get down the stairs. He just could not


move his feet and his But even after a biopsy


and multiple tests, doctors You just think, how much more can be


thrown at my little boy? When a child has a life-limiting


condition, families can be affected


in a number of ways. As well as emotional stress,


they can also face financial That is why, through your donations,


this project is there to support children like Jason


every step of the way. They focus on the whole family.


They've awes been there to help. When Katie is there,


from the trust, you know that Jason You know he is happy,


which is a big deal. My job today is to


support Mum in any way that she needs and simply to put


a smile on Jason's face. Without a diagnosis,


the future is uncertain. Please help us to support


Jason and other children I expect it's past your bedtime,


Jason, but we're sending you our love and we think


you're brilliant. Now, you can see how much he loves


going to Sebastian's Action Trust and what a huge difference


it's made to his life. And no matter how you're donating,


when you call tonight and our operator asks if we can


claim Gift Aid on your donation, if you are a UK taxpayer,


we'd love it if you could say yes! It means the taxman gives us


an extra 25p for every pound It doesn't cost you a penny extra,


so please make sure you say "Yes". And you can, of course,


go online, or to donate ?10, Texts will cost ?10 plus your


standard network message charge. OK Alesha, in the true spirit


of tonight, I think it's time I'm left out of the sport tonight.


You're sporty. I am. How about a little head-to-head challenge, Sport


Relief style in here. I'm up for it. Are you up for it?


CHEERING It's all very well at the Aquatic


Centre they have the sport. We need sport in here. I will let you choose


the first discipline. Darts. Great. Why darts? Why not? Are you any good


at darts? Never played before in my life. I'm really good at darts. I


accept the challenge. Brilliant. I'm very competitive, so you better


watch out. Seriously. The reason I said darts is because of Gabby Logan


and those who played for Sport Relief.


180! Let's play darts for Sport Relief.


To left the final at 7-7. For the title.


Please welcome the 2016 Let's Play Darts for Sport Relief


Lovely to see you both. How exciting. Hello everyone! I'm


excited you're here because I love a pun so much. Do you, I'm not so keen


myself. I like a pun, yes. You are darts royalty, but to be here


tonight - you had to beat royalty, Tindall. Well he's married to


royalty, isn't he? I met the Queen and she said, "God save our gracious


queen. I said, you've changed your tune. My goodness. Will you


officiate as we take on our first challenge. Of course, it would be my


pleasure. You are not wearing the right costumes. If you'd like to go


off and get dressed. I will stay here and do one minute of


sport-related puns. Yes to the puns! Start the clock. So I was playing


football on a plane, it was amazing, I was running up the wing... So I


went to a - it's going to be a long minute. Saw a football match in


Japan, they did marshal arts, he said there's two minutes of ninjery


time. Tennis, I was playing tennis with a napkin. Don't serve yet. All


male tennis players are watches. For example, Goran, even he's a witch. I


have a cat called Minton, when he eats shuttle cox I say, badminton. I


went to the swimming baths, I said is that the local swimming baths,


where you are calling from. How That's it, the time's up. Please


welcome back Greg the mole James and Alesha the lioness Dixon.


This is it. It's over here. I have to unveil the tarts pendulum. Let's


hear it, ladies and gentleman. All you have to do is burst as many


Sport Relief balloons as possible in 30 seconds. Ladies first. We're


going to make it tricky for you. Can the man in the brown coat come on,


please. Where is he? He's going to make it harder. There we are.


Away you go. One, two... Three! Four! You are good at darts! Six!


Come on, you can get seven! Seven! That's it. Well... Very, very good.


Never played it before in my life. I am hearing on the APs I am not


wearing, actually, it was nine points. Excellent! -- on the ear


piece. Can we have a look at one of those moments in slow motion?


Fascinating! There we are, that was just balloons moving slowly. Wasn't


that dramatic, viewers?! Now if you want to have a go, Greg? Can I ask


you why they call you the mole? Yes, because moles are blind. So I will


attempt this blindfolded. Literally, usually take a step back. Are you


ready? Yes! When the music starts, you see what you can do! Round a


bit... When the music starts, you are off. Nine to beat. Excuse me,


his foot is in front of the line. Thank you, Greg. Careful, this way a


bit, please. Actually far more dangerous than we were all


expecting. Your foot is going over the line! Time is up! Can I just


check? Are you all right, mate? He is OK down there. Can we have


another look at the slow-mo of some of those fatalities? There we are,


once again. That really isn't something else, isn't it? So, I've


think the winner is Alesha! The wonderful Tim Vine, everybody!


That was fun, wasn't it? I will let you off with the blindfold. I am so


sorry, did I nearly hit someone down there? Would you like a balloon?


Greg, in the spirit of all things competitive,


you have three guesses as to where I was last week.


OK. Erm, the North Pole?


Nope. Ooh, I've got it...


Er, yeah. How did you guess?


I was in fact in none other than Buckingham Palace,


home to the Queen, finding out all about the great work


of Sport Relief and the Queen's Young Leaders' initiative.


The young leaders programme was set up two years ago. The programme


helps improve and transform the lives of amazing young people across


the Commonwealth. This is Nicole. After growing up in care, she


involved on a business course with a local project and now works for the


same organisation, helping young people like herself. And this young


lady signed up a journalism course and realised that she is passionate


about writing and is now working for an online news site. Blair,


despite... She is now a fully qualified youth worker. It is not


just young people at home that this programme is helping. There is a


fantastic project in Zambia as well. Young people are producing their own


radio shoes which means they can get their voices heard and play a bigger


part in their community. Over in the South Pacific, there is a brilliant


in the ask Solomon Islands which is making sure young people have


brilliant chance to find work. So, all across the Commonwealth, there


is life-changing work taking place next to the dedication of these


truly brilliant people. Queen'syoung Leaders, we salute you. You have got


a Buckingham Palace voice. I think I became more posh because I was at


the Palace. It is so not me! Anyway, it is your money doing incredible


work, changing the lives of so many young people.


And the fantastic news that the Queen Elizabeth Diamond


Jubilee Trust will support us with ?1 million this Sport Relief


to help more young people, like these, across the Commonwealth.


Or if you do, go pour yourself a drink and come straight back.


Still to come tonight, Little Britain


The epic return of Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, and Alesha and I go head


Time for a quick thank you to all BBC Local and National


radio stations for their support, and especially to 5 Live


for their Battle of the Five-A-Sides, Radio 1


for the Gregathlon, and Radio 2 and 4 for their great coverage.


Greg, you really did excel yourself by doing something truly fantastic


for Sport Relief this year - five triathlons in five days


I don't know. Seriously! Five triathlons in five cities in five


days. It is so not normal. I am panicking. Here I go, cycling, and


the rain has started. Time to do the run now. This is dei too. We are


currently driving to the location in Cardiff. The undercarriage is


going... Day three, Glasgow. That was just... Sheffield, famous for


being built on seven hills. Looking forward to those. Here I am, doing


the swim and the run today. One more swim. Let's just hope it goes


slightly better than Glasgow. I don't know how the legs are still


going at they are. Ten miles and we are done. Five triathlons in five


days in five cities. I watch it back and genuinely it


does not feel like me. I am so impressed. I am sure everybody is


wanting to know, did you read in your wet suit? And the rest! I don't


know what I even mean by that! Yes, you do, as all triathletes will say.


But it was open water swimming. To keep yourself warm, you have to


urinate. It is just a fact. I am doing it now! On a serious note,


what was the hardest day for you? The Wednesday, you saw it, getting


out of the water in Glasgow and I just could not really get up. We


were in a different city each day and travelling between them. The


routing was not great so we did Belfast to Cardiff to Glasgow to


Sheffield and then Sheffield to Norwich. Not a lot of sleep going


on. By the Wednesday I was just a mess. And you had some great company


along the way. We did. Amazing support. And the support from the


cities was incredible. From the Radio 1 listeners as well. Thank you


to all of you, personally from me, for going with the story and going


with it and donating as well. It was a mad week and it really ran away


with us. Now, I need you to explain a picture. What is going on here,


seriously? OK, I feel like... That screen is so big in here! OK, that


is a professor. Oh, yes, it is Greg. Did you not recognise him? I was not


looking at his face! Oh, my goodness! I do feel that bit should


be blurred. Craig Whyte is a man who has done all of these Sport Relief


and Comic Relief challenges, and he really helps me with all of that


kind of stuff and he is great for morale, as you can see!


All right Greg, It's time to reveal how much you raised.


It is a staggering amount of money, it is ?1 million that was not there


before. If you have donated, then thank you, you have done so much


good. Thanks to the whole Radio 1 team and everyone who supported it.


It was just the most ridiculous week. But I would do it again. That


sort of hardship is nothing compared to the hardship going on right now


around the world, and that money will help those people. It is going


to make such a Prince. Please keep supporting us


all tonight by calling 03457 910 910 or go online or send


us a quick text. Texts will cost ?10 plus your


standard network message charge and 100% of your donation


will go to Sport Relief. You must be 16 or over and please


ask the bill payer's permission. For full terms and conditions


and more information How about, if you give ?10 now, by


text, I will never show that picture again! We will get it deleted!


OK, here's a dreadful truth - there are more than 150 million


children living on the streets in the world.


Just stop and think about that for a moment.


11-year-old Nelson ran away from home two months ago. My father died


because he was sick. I came to look for my own food. And when you got


here, were you scared, were you frightened? I was frightened because


it is not safe. I could not sleep at the good place. What would you want


your life to be like? I needed to go to school and learn more. I would


like to be a doctor. But instead of getting an education, Nelson spends


his days searching through rubbish for plastic bottles to sell.


Despite having nothing of his own, Nelson is also taking care of


younger boy who has just arrived on the streets, a ten-year-old. They do


not want to live like this. They have got dreams. Nelson wants to be


a doctor. Colin has told me he wants to be a pilot. Both of them have


left their families because that was the only option they could see just


they are good kids, really hard-working, honest kids. Just like


your children. At around 8pm that evening, the boys decide it is


bedtime. So where do you sleep? We sleep at this place. Here? Yes. What


are you sleeping on? These sacks that we are using. Just this? Yes.


As Nelson and Collins are settling down, some bigger boys turn up.


The younger boys are pushed around the corner, forced to sleep by the


busy road. Night night. I actually can't bear it. That is a


ten-year-old and 11-year-old boy, erm, tucked up in a sack. On a


concrete pavement. And I want to tell them it is going to be all


right. There are thousands of children across Kenya like Collins


and Nelson sleeping wrath on the streets every night. Sometimes you


see these problems and you think, that is too big, we cannot solve it.


But the amazing thing is that if a lot of us, and I mean a lot of us,


do something small, we can make a huge difference. Sport Relief makes


a difference. So pick up the phone, give what you can. And make sure


their future is brighter than this. Thank you.


This is happening now, to those children, on those streets.


We're all a team. All of you watching now, if you've been


watching since 7pm. You're part of that team. If we all think about one


thing together, the power of that is incredible.


It costs just ?5 to pay for a whole month's accommodation for a child.


It will help children like that find a safe place to say.


It's a great team to be part of. Call 03457 910 910 or go on line

:46:34.:46:37. We're going to make it even easier


for you to give some cash tonight. All you need for this


bit is a mobile phone. I've got one.


That last film, my heart is breaking from watching that film. Tough to


watch. It's so simple, the team power, it works. Please, do it. A


simple text message will change the world. It will change lives. As


Clare said, if we all did it, everyone watching right now, if you


picked up your phone, mine is a flip phone, pick up your phone right now,


you can do it. What is that? Doesn't matter, doesn't matter what phone


you've got. Who loaned you that for this? This is not a loan. I wish it


were a horrible joke. Oh, dear. This is it. We are all in this together


this evening. If we can harness that power we can save lives. Let's do


it. Have you got your phones on? Did they take them away from you?


Correct. They asked you to turn your phones off. I was checking! Good. I


was being sneaky. Get them on. Seriously, get them on. Lock the


doors, no-one's leaving until they've texted. Let's all do it now.


Phones out at home. If you've been watching and enjoyed any of it or


touched by any of the appeal films that you've seen, Danny, or Marvin


and Rochelle or Michael Crawford when he gave that incredible speech,


if you've enjoyed any of tonight, please, do it now. Get your phones


out and let's give it a go. Texts will cost ?10 plus your


standard network message charge Now, it's time to say another thank


you, with boxing hero James De Gale When fighting the common cause, you


need people to come together. You need the support of your team around


you. You need dedication, hard work and of course, courage. And no-one


knows that more than the better staff and customers who have been


running events all over the country, raising stacks of cash for preef.


All customers have been swimming, running and climbing and it's made a


monumental difference. The amazing staff have raised money by


completing a 500-mile cycle, a ten-person swim-a-thon and a


marathon walk through Bath. There's one thing left to say... Thank you!


Let's find out what the staff and customers have raised.


This night just can't get any better, can it,


We have something huge on the horizon. Earlier you chose darts.


You won. I can't argue with, that but I was blind folded. I'm choosing


to challenge you Alesha Dixon by the classic medium of... Lip sync


battle! Please welcome our Sport Relief


Lip Sync Battle Host, APPLAUSE Congratulations on team


Flintoff. Thank you, that was something else doing synchronised


swimming, that was the first time a chiefed the lift. When I went down


to the floor, I grazed the surface with my buttocks. That clinched the


perfect ten. Thanks for having me, guys,


great to be here and I'm honoured They're both potentially winners


here. How are you feeling? I didn't think it through, because this is a


pop star. Yeah. Yeah, but you're a nerdy music swat. I know all of


them. I've got all the albums. That's on


your side. That is true. What about you, can you take this? I don't


know. I'm worried about what he has up his sleeve. I think it will be


hillarious. Just an unnecessarily lanky arm. While they go off to get


battle ready, here's the brilliant Little Britain,


starring the beautiful Peter Crouch, TOM BAKER: Football is one of


Britain's most popular pastimes. In his office, sports agent


Mickey Perm is trying to strike a deal for


one of his footballs. I don't play football myself,


because sadly, I don't have a foot. Ah, Crouchy, my


favourite new client. I'd get you back in


the England team, didn't I? Well, your numero uno agent has


only gone and done it. I can't wait to be


back with the boys. I've got you a place


with the Lionesses. I've got someone who can


help you with that. My name is Emily Howard,


and I am a lady. She is going to teach you how


to behave like a lady. I must say, I was rather


surprised when I heard In my mind, ladies should play


ladies' games, like cribbage Crouchy, do you want to play


for England again or not? TOM JONES: # Well, she's all


you'd ever want # She's the kind I'd like to flaunt


And take to dinner # Well, she always knows her place


She's got style, she's got grace # Whoa-oh-oh


She's a lady # But she's never in the way


Always something nice to say # I can leave her on her own


Knowing she's OK alone # Whoa-oh-oh


She's a lady # She knows what I'm about


She can take what I dish out # But she knows me through


and through # And she knows just what to do


and how to please me... # Are you sure that they'll believe


that I'm a lady? What do you think


you're playing at? I think you might have rather


given the game away. You can give me


the outfit back later. Thank you to David Walliams


and the Lionesses Will you now please welcome back


to the stage, CHEERING AND


APPLAUSE You're going to be up first ah, leasha. Bad news, babe. --


Alesha. Hills can be funky, it's all


erosion. You're up first I'm afraid. OK. How are you feeling? No saliva


in my mouth. I was saying to Greg, back stage, it's like trying to get


into fifth gear really quickly. I'm worried about what this one's going


to do. Me too, I'm having a panic attack at what's under that jacket.


Me too. Will you hold my mic for me. Of course. Don't need it, it's lip


sync right? Show some love for the one, the only, Alesha Dixon.


# Try and play the role and the whole crew will act up


# If you've got the feeling jump across the ceiling


# Mugs is a funkfest Someone's talking junk


# And then I'll take the punks home


# Than there's cops at a Dunkin' Donuts shop


# Sure enough I got props from the Kids on the Hill


# I came to get down I came to get down


# So get out your seats and jump around


If you die of dehydration, Greg might win by default. Are you ready?


Ladies and gentlemen, he's a weapon of mass musical


destruction, it's the drivetime demolition devil,


# I was wondering if after all these years


# You'd like to meet to go over everything


# They say that time's supposed to heal ya


Please give it up for Greg James, everyone!


That was amazing. That has made my night, you are in -- you doing that!


Not being funny, they would have worn something a bit better than


that. Honestly, how did you get my nan's outfit out of the wardrobe?!


Greg, did you just do that live on BBC One? Knock some points off for


that. Definitely. We have to decide who the winner is. Cheer for whoever


you think has one or the purveyor of horrible


geriatric humour, Greg James! Alesha? Greg? Ladies and gentlemen,


Greg James takes it! I am so sorry! Thank you having me on. Thank you


the coming on! Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Kane! That has brightened up


my evening. We hope you guys enjoyed that as much as we did. We have got


loads more entertainment coming up. coming up for you tonight,


but right now, we want to show you how we transformed the beautiful


Peter Crouch into Petra Crouch - it's behind the scenes


of Little Britain. Not sure what I am doing here, to be


honest. Full of anticipation. Today we are filming a sketch for Sport


Relief, involving me, and Todorov, with Peter Crouch. The idea is that


Peter Crouch wants to get back in the England squad. Your agent has


only gone and done it. Thank you so much, I cannot wait to be back with


the boys. Not the boys, I have got your place with the Lionesses! I


have got someone who can help you with that! Oh, no! So,


what we are filming now is me in training to become a lady. David


showing me what to do. The walk, and trying on wigs and dresses - believe


it or not! We have just done a rough croquet


sequence involving some close orderly work. And then the rest of


the day is mainly close orderly work, I would say. Peter has been a


revelation. When you write a part for somebody, you do not know if


they are going to be able to act or not. Sometimes it just goes a bit


wrong. He has been really game and really fun.


Hello, nice to meet you! Hello, ladies! Who are you? I am Patra, and


I am a lady. Most ladylike! Who is the new girl? She is gorgeous. It


has been a great pleasure. Looking at the costumes, I got really


lightly. Referee! In those plimsolls, I think he has had a


better touch on a Saturday afternoon when I have seen him! Petra is


better than Peter, to be quite honest! Fair play to him, I mean,


quite awkward having your first conversation with Peter Crouch when


he is dressed as he is today. But he has been great with the girls and


the team. It has been a really fun day. I have had a fantastic day. I


can safely say that you will not be seeing Petra again any time soon.


But yes, very enjoyable and hopefully raised some money for


Sport Relief. You can download that


brilliant behind-the-scenes package as well as the full sketch,


plus Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em and loads of other Sport Relief


funnies by going to BBC Store And by buying them, you will be


giving money to Sport Relief. And this time, it's one


of our finest ever sprinters, Iwan Thomas, who has


stepped up to the plate. This year, FitBit are really


stepping up to the plate to raise money for Sport Relief. They are


encouraging you, the great British public, to register each time you


take a step towards the big Stepathon. And you guys did enough


steps to reach the moon and back, five times! I had better get a shift


on! The amazing staff have been taking part in a selection of


back-to-back training sessions. General manager Gareth Jones has


been leading from the front by doing the relay challenge to help raise


even more for Sport Relief. To all the generous staff, and you, the


amazing customers, from us at Sport Relief, an amazing thank you. Hang


on! Time to reveal how much the FitBit


staff and customers have raised. How do you look amazing again?


Because you were not here for that link about five minutes ago.


Anyway... In this next film,


Marvin and Rochelle Humes went to Kenya,


where they found out there's still so much more to be done


in the fight against malaria. We knew malaria was still very much


a problem here, but nothing could prepare us for the number of


children who were struggling with this terrible disease.


Yes. The symptoms of malaria?


Sometimes they arrived, they don't...


And they got readmitted. And she started vomiting.


You do not want to cry in front of them, because it is their children,


you know? I have never seen children look that


sick before in my life. Malaria is not something you give a second


thought at home. You know it exists, but it is very far away from you.


The scale that it is on here, it is insane. Nine out of ten of those


children had malaria, the symptoms, convulsing, fever, vomiting,


diarrhoea. So sick. Just so lifeless, to see a child that looks


so exhausted... In Africa, a child dies of malaria every two minutes.


It is easy to feel powerless, but we are not.


But a mosquito net only lasts five years, and a mosquito net


with a hole in it, is NOT a mosquito net anymore.


You've already done so much, but as you can see, we need


Just one ?10 text. That's four nets.


To donate ?10, just text the word YES to 70010.


Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message charge.


And 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.


And Gregles, we have the small matter of our head-to-head


challenge to deal with, isn't that right?


Got any ideas what is coming? I am exhausted so I can only imagine. But


I am apprehensive. But I think it will be a good one, right? Yes, it


will be Willie good. But look, while we've been gassing


away, people all over the country have been donating, and it's only


fair that we find out how much their incredible


generosity has raised. I'm so excited - this


is our first totaliser! You are joking, aren't you? And we


are not even done! That is unbelievable. I am actually


gobsmacked. That is amazing. A huge thank you to every single one of


you. What a night this has turned out to be. It is incredible.


Unbelievable. Thank you so much if you did pick up the phone, if you


did text and go online. You are the best and you are making such a


difference. The team is working, so let's keep it going.


And coming up soon, we have some comedy gold


which is going to blow your socks off -


But in the meantime, here's a little something


It is all right, Betty! Watch out! I have had a bit of trouble, Betty!


Sorry! Bloody kids! Hello, Mr Wiggins!


Now, 50% of your donations go to fund projects here in the UK.


And the good news is that the Government is adding


?3 million to tonight's pot to specifically help projects


which support vulnerable women and girls.


This next film is from one of our nation's great institutions,


All you fans out there will remember the deeply moving storyline


about Stacey and her struggle with extreme postnatal depression.


Here's Lacey Turner - the actress who plays Stacey -


to explain that for many women, this condition is all too real.


Giving birth to a child should be a truly wonderful time in a woman's


life and one of life's most joyful experiences.


But, sadly, as I have learnt in my role as Stacey,


The truth is that every year, here in the UK, around 70,000 women


won't find that becoming a mother is the fairy-tale they dreamed of.


I can't keep Arthur safe every minute on my own.


70,000 women won't find the sleepless nights and constant


care a baby needs plain old exhausting.


They'll find it much worse than that.


They will become ill with postnatal depression.


In more extreme cases like Stacey's, more than 1,400 women will suffer


from the more severe version of the illness,


This is truly frightening, for them and for their families.


Arthur is not yours. He is God's.


Stacey, why would they want to take Arthur?


He's outside. He's waiting.


Sadly, like with so many mental illnesses, women are scared


They think they should feel a certain way.


They're new mothers, after all - why does it seem that everyone else


It's thought that the real number of sufferers is higher,


but that women are too scared to come forward and talk about it.


They're scared of what people will say and they're scared


I believe it's absolutely real for you.


And I think it must be tiring and extremely stressful.


If you think you're suffering from postnatal depression,


the best thing you can do is tell someone you're feeling overwhelmed.


Talk to a doctor or health visitor or a friend.


After Arthur was born, I heard HIS voice.


He only talked to you after Arthur was born?


Sport Relief is supporting the maternal mental health alliance


to raise awareness of the importance of this issue, as well as projects


which aim to support mums, dads and their families to recover


from maternal mental health and move forwards.


I think we're going to need a clean outfit.


We want you to know you're not alone, you have nothing


You can be treated and things can get better.


Help us to continue to support women and families, who are suffering


unnecessarily at what should be one of the happiest times


To donate please call or go to the website.


The stigma around illnesses like postnatal depression hasn't


gone away yet, but things are slowly getting better.


?30 could enable an isolated mum, who is experiencing postnatal


depression, to attend a session to help start the road to recovery.


Please help us to support those mums at the time they really need it


by donating online at or you can


Tonight, we've seen people take on tough challenges for Sport Relief.


But the real stars of tonight have been you and all the many brilliant


things you've done to raise millions of pounds for Sport Relief.


# One way or another, I'm gonna find you


# I'm gonna, get you, get you # One way or another, I'm going to


win you # I'll beat you


# And if the lights are all out # I'll follow your bus downtown


# Thank you so much to


all of you out there - And if you haven't done anything


yet, here's a reminder of how you can give ?10 by text


from England manager, If you want to give ?10 text YES TO


70010. I THINK. Yeah. For more information go to


Relief or ask Chris his permission. A big thank you to Roy Hodgson


and the brilliant Alistair McGowan. It's time for our third


and final challenge. And here we are at the Queen


Elizabeth Olympic Park, famously the scene for records


being broken and the history books re-written - I'm talking,


Usain Bolt, Laura Trott, Sir Chris Hoy, and so,


tonight Greggy, we are going to set It's a bit pants really, well,


more like swimming trunks. We'll be setting the record


for the most pairs of swimming And to help us, please


welcome our official adjudicator from Guinness World


Records - Mark McInlay. The rules are simple, you have to


seconds to pull on as many pairs of swimming trunks over your trousers


properly as possible. Take my shoes off? You can. Get comfy. They need


to cover the buttocks and I need you to remove your jacket. Lovely. As


you ask so politely I will. We're getting very serious now. Are


you ready? 30 seconds? You've got 30 seconds.


Good luck, Greg. You can do it. This is easy compared


to what you've been doing. This is an official Guinness World Records


attempt. CHEERING For the title, three...


Two... One... Go! MUSIC: Condition final Countdown.


-- Final Countdown. Three, two one - time! Is he allowed the last one?


Come on, Mark, there's pain going on here. Bruised my undercarriage. How


did he do. In order to achieve the record, you needed to pull on ten


pairs of swimming trunks within 30 seconds. In the 30 seconds, you


managed... Just nine. How does it feel to have just missed


out? I mean... Thanks Mark. Yeah, Mark, it was all going so well. This


is nothing, your ego has still got fine. I thought you did really well.


Thanks though, Mark. Thank you very much, Mark.


Well done, Greg. Keep those on for the rest of the


night? They aren't coming off - actually do you want to take them


off for me? Come on, let's go. Thank you, guys.


What an image. Now, you're about to meet a very


special boy, called Milan. The most powerful earthquake to hit


Nepal in 80 years has killed... Along with large-scale loss of


life... My heart is really moving now. Everyone's running through the


streets. In April 2015, a powerful earthquake, along with 120


aftershocks killed almost 9,000 people in Nepal, leaving devastation


in its wake. Eight-year-old Milan's life was


changed forever. This pile of dirt and rubble was once his home.


Before the earthquake proinjects funded by Sport Relief were already


providing education for vulnerable children in Kathmandu. Now more than


ever, they need help. They will get the support to turn their lives


around. Your money really will make all the difference. So please give


what you can tonight. Please call: Or go online. Thank you.


Milan is just one of over a million children whose lives have been


Just ?10 could pay for a vulnerable child living


on the streets of Nepal to access health care services for a year.


Texts will cost ?10 plus your standard network message charge


and 100% of your donation will go to Sport Relief.


Now it's the time for what everyone agrees


is the biggest thing on Sport Relief.


We've certainly left the best till last.


It's time for, you need to hold this actually, it's time for, and go


bananas for this... The Tech partners and mobile operators thank




These guys not only make it possible for you to pick up your phones


and donate, but what's more they don't take a single penny


Let's give them a massive cheer. APPLAUSE


OK, I'm going to need a little help for this.


Please welcome one of my oldest friends...


Where is he? That man there? Is he coming to the stage? This man here?


Yes, my oldest and dearest friend, Josh.


OK, we'd like to thank, EE, O2, Three, Virgin Media,


OK, we'd like to thank, EE, O2, Three, Virgin Media...


Vodafone - you have all been extraordinary, thank you.


Is that it? Is there one more? Is there not another one? Yes!


Right, I think I need a lie down. Greg, can you take over please?


It is 2016, this is degrading. Yes, he has got nice arms, but are you


happy?! I'm not sure he is very happy. He has got that tattooed on


his breasts! My oldest friend, thank you!


Now please don't forget that Sport Relief doesn't end tonight,


No, because on Sunday at 1.15pm, live on BBC One,


the Sport Relief Games Show will be kicking off!


That's right, tens of thousands of you across the country will be


running, swimming, and cycling for Sport Relief, and we'll be


Join us on Sunday as people all over the nation do themselves proud


We're live from the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park as a whole


host of famous people join us for the culmination


We will test those famous faces with challenges.


And we will bring you the action from across the country as thousands


of you walk, run, swim or cycle yourselves proud


to raise cash and change people's lives.


I will be there on Sunday doing a mile around the Olympic Park, there


is loads going on on Sunday. Anything you want to do, all


abilities welcome. Go to the website.


And there is still time to sign up so go online,


if you've had a few beers and you've got that


false confidence that makes you feel you can take on the world,


then we're here to take advantage of you -


It really will be a fantastic day out,


bring the family, kids, grandparents, and literally


So, we just heard the theme tune to Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em. I think it


is time, don't you? I think it is time!


You were supposed to be here half an hour ago.


You're going to miss our daughter's big race.


I have just got to pop in and get Jessica some food luck flowers.


You know how flustered I get lately, what with me


Men don't go through the change, Frank.


Well how else would you explain my recent


You clearly have not been driving very


long, or you would have more consideration for a man


What are you doing on the roof of a car, on a bicycle?


Well, if they had a proper cycle lane, I would not be up here!


Do you know how much this car is worth?


And might I suggest that you take your driving a bit


I am guessing you do not know what I do


You may have a new car and fancy yourself as king of the road,


As my mother always said, mirror, signal, manoeuvre.


If you can't drive without a fuss, then give up your car,


My daughter is in one of those races.


4.99. Thank you.


But I'm sure he will get here one way or another.


Would it be possible to borrow your helmet?


In the interests of health and safety,


Have you just arrived in our country?


Oh, good. Then you've not got far to go.


I am going through the change, though.


It has been nice chatting, but I must dash.


So, if you will just tell Ringo, I won't be able to get there.


First, I, David Walliams, swam the channel.


That is why it is a great honour for me to unveil this


I don't know, I have had a bit of trouble,


Frank - Jessica's race starts in one minute.


They should have told me which way round to go.


The important thing is, you realised.


But I am sure he did his best to get here on time.


We are nearing the end of this world record attempt from Sir Bradley


And it is truly unbelievable from him.


If he can keep this up, the record is on.


Just three laps away from the record, Sir


Bradley is going to break it yet again!


Somehow, despite the unscheduled interruption, Sir Brad


I will give you a bloody hot flush, get off!


COMMENTATOR: What is happening here?!


That is an absolute disaster for Bradley Wiggins...


Coach David Brailsford has got to be fuming.


I have never seen anything like this before.


Jessica - I'm so sorry I missed your race.


It's just a shame you didn't hear everyone


Although I always think, if you haven't got anything nice


to say, you shouldn't say anything at all.


Because I really need to get to the hospital.


All things considered, I think it's been a really lovely day.


Even when I done a whoopsie on the carpet?


Mind you, I'm going through the change.


Running rings around us once more, we would like to say a massive thank


you to the one and only Michael Crawford and the cast


Michele Dotrice, Gemma Arterton, Jenson Button, Jessica Ennis-Hill,


Boris Johnson, David Walliams, Roy Hodgson, Arsene Wenger,


Sir Paul McCartney, Simon Brotherton, Clare Balding,


Sir Chris Hoy, Sir Bradley Wiggins, Andy Murray, Jamie Murray and Dave


We have shown you a lot of films tonight, but one in particular seems


to have affected you profoundly. We're going to show it again one


last time. Here's Danny Dyer in Sierra Leone.


Malaria is not a problem we have to deal with at home. It doesn't enter


our heads. Here it's a major problem. It's getting better


slightly, but nowhere near enough. Nowhere near enough. In Africa, a


child dies from malaria every two minutes. The simplest way to prevent


this happening is for children to sleep under a treated mosquito net.


Yet in Sierra Leone, less than half of children under five have access


to one. It is not good to see babies coming


here with these cases. Some, when they come


they are very sick, really It is like, malaria,


severe malaria, severe malaria, severe malaria,


severe malaria. Day after day, week


after week, month after month, this will keep going on,


year after year after year. Seven-month-old Mariatu who has been


brought in by her mum. For a baby this young,


contracting this terrible Once malaria has


taken hold, there are And she has developed painful ulcers


in her mouth. It means she is unable


to breast-feed and has become But the sores in her mouth


make it hard for little Without food, she is


becoming weaker and weaker. For so many of the mothers in this


ward, the reason why they are here at all


is simply down to poverty. With barely enough money for food,


for Mariatu, it means there was no Malaria is still one of the biggest


causes of death in children under And yet every day,


these beds fill up with children for fighting


for their lives. Many of them will never make it


home. With every breath, this little girl


is fighting for her life. And with every moment


that passes, all her A fiver for two nets,


that's all it is. Don't be the one that


don't make the call. All you've got to do


is pick up that blower. Please, honestly, it is


the right thing to do. It's the right thing to do. It's to


1, if you don't -- it's 2016, if you don't think that should be


happening, if you agree with me that shouldn't be happening, please


donate just ?10. To donate ?10, just text


the word YES to 70010. It's not too late to be part of the


team of Sport Relief. Texts will cost ?10 plus your


standard network message charge. Tonight has been so incredible. It's


been an emotional roller coaster. You've all stood together and made


an enormous difference to millions Tonight, all of you out there,


and everyone in here has pulled off possibly the biggest


team effort I have ever known. We want to remind you now


of some your best bits! Hello Sport Relief 2016! Welcome to


the show. I will run 27 marathons in 27 days.


I'm doing this on behalf of all the portly middle-aged women in the


country. Danty step. Hello Mr Wiggins. Get off. You've never


looked lovelier. Go! He's down. Major disaster. Freddie Flintoff is


a two-time winner. Oh, what a gay day. Right, get out. Would someone


please cook the chicken! I want to tell them it's going to be all


right. We can help from this point onwards. You look brilliant. Sport


can create hope. It's a ten! Harry Judd. Keep going! I don't know how


the legs are still going, but they are. The total so far tonight...


Cheers everyone. Thank you so much everyone who has donated. Life is


too precious. I'm happy, thank you very much. The winners... Team


Flintoff! What a night. Goodbye Doris. Thank you. Thank you! . Thank


you. Smithy, is it all over? It is now. It is now.


APPLAUSE Such a special evening. I hope you've enjoyed it. We've loved


bringing it to you this evening. I feel like I've just been


through a fundraising vortex. It really is, and all that very


funny stuff there is available to buy on BBC Store and iTunes, in


support of Sport Relief. Go online, buy it and download it,


and watch it endlessly Thank you so much for being here


this evening. Thank you for watching and for donating. Thank you guys.


We've been raising money for nearly seven hours and there's still masses


of fundraising money to come in, but we want to take this moment


every swimmer, every fancy dress wearer,


every texter, every walk to work-er,


every triathalonerer - is that a word?


to the face painters and three legged racers,


the life changers - that's all of you.


Thanks so much for watching and more importantly for donating.


Let's have a look at our grand total for tonight.


The least you deserve is a grand total for tonight. Are you ready?


I'm so excited. The grand total for the night of Sport Relief now stands




APPLAUSE Amazing! That is a record-breaking total. Thank you,


thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you, everybody. And thank you


at home. That you so, so much. That is a record. You are witnessing the


biggest total we have ever had at the end of a Sport Relief show. We


thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your generosity and


compassion. We couldn't do it without you. It's an amazing team


and are you part of that team. You have made history and you have


changed so many people's lives. It's Sport Relief's job to change


people's lives across the world and at home. That's why everyone does


what they do. We're proud and grateful for your support. You are


the best. Thank you so much from the bottom of our hearts. You are


amazing. Good luck if you're taking part in


the Sport Relief Games on Sunday. Tune in on BBC One at 1. 15pm Sunday


afternoon. We love you, bye. Thank you.


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