Llandeilo Jac Russell


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-# Jac. Jac. A dog, not a cat

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-# A friend of yours

-and a friend of mine

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-# Jac. Jac. A good little boy

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-# The name's Jac Russell #

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-So, looking after Jac this weekend

-is your responsibility.

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-Huh! They call that homework?

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-When I was your age...

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-Yeah, yeah, very interesting.

-It's not easy looking after Jac.

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-He has a lot of bad habits.

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-He makes a mess everywhere he goes.

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-We'll sort him out.

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-HE BURPS

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-That tinned food makes me burp.

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-Is there something tastier

-in the fridge? A steak maybe.

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-Oh!

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-HE BREAKS WIND

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-Chew on that.

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-Jac, you're a bad dog.

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-Ah!

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-Ah!

-

-You never listen.

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-Do you want another go?

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-Jac, you're a bad dog.

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-Jac, you're a bad dog.

-

-You never listen.

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-Always misbehaving.

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-Always misbehaving.

-

-Oh, thank you. I agree.

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-But I am cute.

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-I am.

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-I'm the world's cutest dog.

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-Cue music.

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-# Who's the cutest dog in the world?

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-# Jac Russell, Jac Russell

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-# A ball of fluff... #

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-He mimes, too.

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-Hey, even the best mime.

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-Bow-once, Kylie Min-dog-ue

-and David Bow-bow-bowie.

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-HE BURPS

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-I don't think you're as cute

-as you think.

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-Remember on the way home

-from school?

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-There was nothing wrong with that.

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-The flashback hasn't finished yet.

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-Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

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-HE WEES

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-That's better.

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-# We're off to see the Wiz'ard,

-the wonderful Wiz'ard of Oz #

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-I had to go.

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-On the way back in the car...

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-Well, Miss Huws is still upset.

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-HE BREAKS WIND

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-That was funny.

-Her glasses steamed up.

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-Ha-ha! We've sorted that out.

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-I'm off to dig a hole in the garden.

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-Help!

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-Hello.

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-Shoulders back.

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-Feet together

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-Well done, well done.

-Mouths open, chocolate drop.

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-HE SNIFFS

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-Where's the dog?

-I can definitely smell the dog.

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-Who are you?

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-Who are you?

-

-I'm... Shoulders back, please.

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-Thank you.

-I am Barbara the dog trainer.

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-Where's the dog?

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-Digging a hole.

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-Digging a hole.

-

-Digging a hole?

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-Follow me.

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-Ah, yes.

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-I can see your problem.

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-This dog has had too much

-of his own road.

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-Own road?

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-Own way. Not road. Own way.

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-Are you their grandmother?

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-You look just like Anneka.

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-You're a little hairier but don't

-worry, your time will come.

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-I'm Barbara the dog trainer.

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-I'm here to make you obedient

-and docile, you bitch.

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-Hey, less of the bitch.

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-The last time I raised my leg,

-I was most definitely a dog.

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-A large one.

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-Right.

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-The first lesson.

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-To get Jac to follow my heel.

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-Heel, Jac.

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-Watch out for the hole.

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-I'm sorry, kids,

-but I don't think it's funny.

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-What's this?

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-What's this?

-

-A flip-flop.

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-It's not too bad to be honest.

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-I had a wellington starter

-but it was a bit tough.

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-Just like rubber.

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-I've never heard such nonsense

-in my entire life.

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-Flip-flops. They're very popular

-during the summer.

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-I bought a pair last year but the

-shopkeeper gave me two left feet.

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-They weren't flip-flops -

-they were flip-flips.

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-Or flop-flops.

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-Out with those messy things.

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-We've done that joke before.

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-I enjoyed it so much,

-we did it again.

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-Right, children.

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-I'm going to ask you

-a few questions.

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-Oh, look!

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-The button's right down there.

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-Right... Right, children.

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-I'm going to ask you

-a few questions.

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-Right, great, I love quizzes.

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-OK then.

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-Does the dog sleep in its basket

-or on the sofa?

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-Sofa. Easy - next.

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-What does the dog eat?

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-BUZZER

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-Food.

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-What's the prize for this quiz?

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-Does the dog have enough exercise?

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-Yes.

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-Oh, yeah. Every Monday night

-I go to... to... loga.

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-I might, you never know.

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-Yoga! Every...

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-Oh, no, come on then.

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-On Monday nights, I go to yoga.

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-On Tuesday night, I go to Pilates.

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-On Fridays,

-I do this thing with the big ball.

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-I'm not doing too well.

-It's too big for my mouth.

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-Ah!

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-Right.

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-Children, shoulders back, sit up.

-OK, right.

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-When you call the dog, does he

-a) come to you right away...

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-..b) come to you after a while

-or c) not come to you at all?

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-BUZZER

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-Can I phone a friend? Thank you.

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-It's upside-down!

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-Hello? Carwyn?

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-Wassup?!

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-I was just phoning to see

-what you were doing next week.

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-Fancy going out for a coffee?

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-Great. Cheers, ta-ra.

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-What was the question?

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-Does he a) come to you right away...

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-..b) come to you after a while

-or c) not come to you at all?

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-BUZZER

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-I remember. It's d).

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-I remember. It's d).

-

-Are you going to play the fool...

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-..for the rest of your life?

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-..for the rest of your life?

-

-Sounds good to me.

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-Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

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-Let me show you a dog

-I've trained in the past.

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-Whistle.

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-Ah, ah, ah.

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-Here's an example of a dog

-that's lost all control.

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-Super-dooper-pooper-scooper.

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-This is Ffi-Ffi.

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-Ffi-Ffi, show Jac

-and the Davies family...

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-..what you can do.

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-Shake paws.

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-Turn around.

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-Beg.

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-Arabesque.

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-Jac!

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-Jac!

-

-Aargh!

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-Yeah. I'll do anything

-to be with Ffi-Ffi.

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-Anything?

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-Anything within reason.

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-HE SNIFFS

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-Oh-hoh!

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-Right. The first lesson.

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-How to behave

-when the postman visits the house.

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-Oscar, please?

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-Woof, woof!

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-Jac!

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-Jac, Jac, Jac, no!

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-No. Sorry.

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-I'm out of practice.

-I'll be a lot worse next time.

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-Hey, Oscar, you deserve an Oscar

-for that performance.

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-Oscar!

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-Ffi-Ffi, show Jac

-how it's meant to be done.

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-Oscar, once again, postman.

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-Bonjour.

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-Monsieur la poste.

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-Pour moi?

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-Merci beaucoup.

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-Au revoir.

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-Wonderful. Thank you, Ffi-Ffi.

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-Now then, Jac.

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-Another go, I think. Oscar?

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-Rargh...

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-Rargh-rar... No, no.

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-Oh, yeah.

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-Good morning, the weather is fine.

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-Thanks for bringing the post.

-Would you like a cuppa?

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-Oh, much better.

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-Much better, Jac.

-What do you think, Ffi-Ffi?

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-Tres bon, Jac, oui oui.

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-Upstairs and to the right

-for the toilet.

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-SHE LAUGHS

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-Yagga-zagga-vous.

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-Woof-woof-woof!

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-I've spoiled everything.

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-I was doing so well with Ffi-Ffi.

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-Woe is me, what will I do?

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-SAD MUSIC

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-Everyone, meeting.

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-As you can see...

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-..I've set out an obstacle course.

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-This is what they do

-in proper competitions.

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-First, I'll ask Ffi-Ffi darling...

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-..to complete the course

-to show us how it's done.

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-Ffi-Ffi, darling, after three.

-One, two, three, whistle.

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-Bravo.

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-Excellent, superb

-and other words I never use.

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-Jac. Jac, it's your turn, please.

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-After three.

-One, two, three, whistle.

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-Whoo!

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-Excellent, excellent.

-Chocolate drop.

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-A big one for you. Marvellous.

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-Do you see?

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-There's a good dog inside

-even the naughtiest little dog.

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-Kiss for Barbara, kiss for Barbara.

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-No way.

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-No kiss for Barbara.

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-FFI-FFI BREAKS WIND

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-That felt good.

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-Ffi-Ffi?

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-Ffi-Ffi?

-

-Jac? Jac?

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-You're not speaking French.

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-And you're breaking wind.

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-Did you hear that?

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-I think everyone heard it.

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-I didn't think a dog...

-a bitch like you behaved like that?

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-You're so perfect.

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-I'm not perfect.

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-People think I am because of all

-those tricks and the silly accent.

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-I've had enough of trying to be...

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-Can I stop you there?

-This is very dramatic.

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-Can we have some dramatic music?

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-I've had enough of trying to be...

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-I've had enough of trying to be...

-

-Wait. I can't hear you. Pardon?

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-I've had enough of trying to be...

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-Hold on a minute.

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-Hey, turn it down, you wombat.

-I've got a chance with this one.

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-Yeah, right.

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-I've had enough of trying to be

-something I'm not.

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-You've helped me realize that, Jac.

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-Yes, I break wind and I scratch.

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-I chew shoes,

-oh, I love chewing shoes!

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-I dribble, oh, how I dribble!

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-Are you disappointed?

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-Disappointed?

-No, I like you even more.

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-Would you like to go on a date?

-This afternoon, maybe?

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-I thought you'd never ask.

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-Right after my song, OK?

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-You have a song?

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-Just a little song.

-Really catchy. Brilliant.

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-Cue music.

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-# Who's the cutest dog in the world?

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-# Jac Russell, Jac Russell

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-# A ball of fluff that's always fun

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-# Jac Russell, Jac Russell

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-# Jac. Jac. A dog, not a cat

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-# A friend of yours

-and a friend of mine

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-# Jac. Jac. A good little boy

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-# The name's Jac Russell,

-tra-la-la-la #

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-It's a single. It's my single.

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-Single!

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-A single of me.

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-Me! Ffi-Ffi.

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-Jac Russell.

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-You see, Yellow Teddy,

-you have to be true to yourself.

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-Be honest with one another.

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-That's what happened to Ffi-Ffi

-and me. We love each other.

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-PHONE

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-That's her.

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-Hello.

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-The light of my life.

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-My squiggly-wiggly fluffy bumpkin.

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-What?

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-No.

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-I understand.

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-What? Yes, she's finished with me.

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-Well, I was going to finish

-with her anyway.

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-She's such a fraud, a fake.

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-S4C Subtitles by Simian 04 Cyf.

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