Episode 6 School of Silence

CUTLERY CLANGS

BOY GASPS

Sshh!

LEAD SNAPS

Sshh!

Ah!

CHEERING

Sshh!

BELL RINGS

Welcome to the School of Silence.

This is where you get put through intensive training -

silent training. Four new pupils have

to do it today and go away absolutely silent.

Do you think they will? Do you want to find out?

All right.

These girls are from Ealing in London,

and they've been sent here cos they're so loud

they've pushed their teachers and parents to the limit.

Their noise levels are assessed

by the headmistress and form tutor.

Come to the front, come to the front!

Right, you! Name!

Maria!

Maria reckons she's one of the loudest screamers around,

but her real claim to fame is that she can burp

-the alphabet at top volume.

-Right! You! Name!

Kiyana!

Kiyana recently had a laughing fit at school that was so loud, she was

banished from her class.

-Name?

-Hannah!

Hannah loves nothing better than hiding under her sister's duvet

so she can jump out screaming to frighten her...

-Name?

-Zainab!

Zainab says she's an all-in-one noise machine.

She screams, laughs, and shouts while she runs around wildly.

That's one very noisy team.

The teachers here are in for quite a challenge.

That's it! I've had enough! Get out, please! Please, just go!

THEY SCREAM

Sshh! Here's how the day works.

The new pupils have three challenging classes to learn how to be silent,

followed by the crucial final exam, which will determine

whether they graduate, or will be expelled!

If they are too noisy...

SHE GIGGLES

THEY LAUGH

..I will know about it, thanks to this device - the Gobstop 2000.

The latest in noise-monitoring technology.

If they pass, they will graduate and receive the ultimate reward -

the Golden Gobstopper.

If they fail to keep THAT shut, then I will have no choice

but to expel them.

But before we begin, I must ensure that the school has been hushed down.

KLAXON BLARES

Seven seconds to hush-down!

Seven...

six...

five...

four...

three...

two...

DOOR SLAMS

Sshh!

BIRDS SING

So it's up to Mr Gross for the first part of their silent training.

KNOCKING

Oh, come in!

THEY GIGGLE

Quietly, quietly, please!

Sit down, sit down!

I am Mr Gross, your teacher for General Studies.

This is the first lesson of your silent training.

It must be conducted in absolute silence, Maria!

Not gossiping to your team-mates!

To determine which child is doing each test,

we'll be picking a gobstopper from this jar of gobstoppers.

Each one is the same colour as one of your ties.

'Remember, Miss Gobstop is listening on these microphones.'

If you are too noisy and set off the Gobstop 2000,

you will see the SILENCE sign flash red.

This is important training for your final exam.

If you wish to win the Golden Gobstopper,

then you must learn to be...

..noisy.

THEY LAUGH

HE SIGHS

Time to start silent training.

Say What?

You have 30 seconds to reveal three

speech bubbles while the chosen team-mate is sat opposite you.

Of course, this must be done in absolute...

..silence.

Oh, thank you! Well done.

Let's find out who's going to be doing it.

Kiyana, pick one out for me.

Come on, I haven't got all day.

-Blue! Who's blue?

-Hannah!

-Hannah!

Jolly good. Right, Hannah, you will be reading the speech bubbles.

Let's see if you can control yourselves.

Kiyana, you will be holding them up for her!

Your time...starts...now!

KIYANA GIGGLES

A giggle almost straight away from Kiyana.

But nothing from Hannah. Brilliant!

Just laugh!

-Talking from Kiyana...

-Sshh!

That's way too noisy.

SHE GIGGLES

Now some giggling from Kiyana too, but Hannah looks still as a rock.

Time's up!

Well! Well, well, well.

Not half bad, Hannah. You read all of those and you didn't flinch.

You showed no emotion and you kept silent. Excellent.

However, some of your team-mates let you down!

You! You were discussing it with her!

This does not bode well for your final exam.

It certainly doesn't, Mr Gross.

-What's next?

-Scary Hairy Werewolf.

You will have 30 seconds

to turn the chosen team-mate into a hairy, scary werewolf.

First smear the black treacle on their face and hands,

then stick on the fur.

Et voila, one scary, hairy werewolf, or at least you'll look like one.

Now, Zainab, I think you can pick the gobstopper out.

I hope it's you!

Red!

Oh, Maria.

AINTAB CHEERS

Your time starts...now!

SHE GIGGLES

Oh, that's not a good start.

Oh, dear, that's bound to have set off the Gopstop 2000.

On goes the hair.

Oh, no.

THEY LAUGH

It's stuck to me!

Some talking from the werewolf.

BELL RINGS

Time enough! Stop!

Right, just a moment!

-URGH!

-Oh, good grief...

The only person who kept quiet was...

-Me.

-..Hannah.

Can the others improve as their training continues?

Flower Pot Head.

You have 30 seconds to turn your chosen team-mate

into a lovely flower pot.

You will stick on the flower pot, fill it up with soil, then add

flowers and a little bit of water.

Just so it's fresh and ready.

Hannah, seeing as you've been so quiet, you can pick. And let's

see what we get out of here. Be careful not to pick yourself.

Ah! Zainab! Justice.

Very well.

Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-In silence, your time starts now.

Ooh! Zainab!

-What?!

-Another noisy start here.

Ugh.

If you pile it on my hair, I'll kill you.

Zainab's just having a chat!

SHE SHRIEKS

That will have set off... Yeah, the Gobstop 2000 was flashing there.

Oh, no! It's the water!

SHE SQUEALS

That's just too loud. Oh, dear.

And time up! Give me the watering can.

Thank you very much.

What can I say?

Quite dreadful. Even Hannah was making lots of noise.

This was the first lesson in your training.

And you really fluffed it!

OK?! You made far too much noise, and it's going to go on your report.

This does not bode well for your final exam.

Right, I've had enough of you lot.

Class dismissed!

BELL RINGS

While the girls clean up,

how does Miss Gobstop think it's going?

I have the feeling Maria may be the ringleader

of this group of giggly girls!

THEY SHOUT

Kiyana is a chatterbox.

Zainab is no better,

and Hannah? She started off well, but then she lost it!

So that's the end of your first lesson with Mr Gross. How did it go?

-Horrible!

-Disgusting!

This is training. You're learning how to be silent.

-Not easy, is it?

-Not at all.

Don't worry about it yet, cos it's your first lesson.

Nora and Britney are waiting for you.

I'll see you in a bit. Good luck!

MISS GOBSTOP: 'Attention, attention.

'This is the School of Silence.

'All pupils wishing to attend choir practice tonight

'should be aware the poster should have read "quiet practice".'

Time for the second class in today's silent training.

Off to the canteen.

Coo-ee, Britney, dear, stop dancing, it's dinner time, not a disco.

Good afternoon, ladies. Welcome to my kitchen.

My name is Mrs Nora Nugget, I'm the chief dinner lady here

in the School of Silence, and this is my assistant Britney.

I understand you are here as part of your silent training today.

We are gonna be feeding you some rather delicious dishes.

If you could just keep an eye on the Silence sign at the back.

That's the Gobstop 2000.

If you set that off, Miss Gobstop

will be listening, and she will note it on your final report.

I would like to see you ladies graduate, so let's hope

you're successful this afternoon.

First up...

The Silent Trump.

Now, in this test, you will

have 30 seconds to deflate whoopee cushions, whilst eating baked beans.

It must be done in absolute silence, all right?

So if we could have the gobstoppers here, please?

Britney, dear? Quickly as you can. There's lovely.

And I'd like Maria to pick this time, thank you.

The white one! So you're going to take

the test and Maria is going to be assisting.

Now, you have 30 seconds to complete this test, starting from now.

The trick is to gently ease the air out of the whoopee cushion.

CUSHION TRUMPS

Oh, a little trump. Not too loud though, which is good.

Good, quiet support from Kiyana.

TRUMP

Oh, and another one... She's doing well, though.

Oh, and that's time up, I'm afraid.

Little one escaped there, after the end, didn't it? Oh, dear!

A good start. What's next on the menu?

Puppet Food.

You will have 30 seconds to feed your chosen team-mate

using their own hands on puppet strings.

And it must be done in absolute silence.

So who'd like to pick a coloured gobstopper for me?

-ALL: Me! Me!

-Ooh, they're all so excited!

Britney, I'll let you choose.

A white one! Aren't you the lucky girl today?!

So, ladies, your 30 seconds of absolute silence starts now.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, dear, a big outburst.

A very noisy start.

Zainab just can't control herself.

Literally.

This IS a tough one...

Oh, look, that set off the Gobstop 2000.

BELL RINGS

And that's time up!

Well, ladies, very noisy,

and what a dreadful mess you've made of my

food preparation area here.

We have rather come to the end of your training here

in the kitchen, and you'll be going on to Miss Bunsen's science class

this afternoon, and hopefully she can do

better with you there.

So thank you very much. Off you go.

Quietly as you go, dears.

Well, well, well.

My Gobstop 2000 certainly had its work cut out over lunch.

Urgh!

First of all, Maria couldn't stop giggling. Then they all joined in,

a bunch of giggly hyenas! Ugh!

That was the canteen.

How did you find it? Hannah?

-Fine. All right.

-Funny!

-Terrible. Dreadful.

You got gunged like twice.

You got the bad end of the deal, Zainab.

You've had nothing done to you so far.

-No.

-You are going to, don't you worry!

-I want to get my own back on her!

-So we need to pick a green gobstopper.

You've got one more lesson before the final exam.

-Still want the Golden Gobstopper?

-ALL: YEAH!

-Are you gonna be silent in the final exam?!

-YEAH!

Miss Bunsen is waiting for you, so off you go. Good luck.

MISS GOBSTOP: 'Attention, attention.

'This is the School of Silence.

'Due to previous unacceptable noise levels, pupils are reminded to leave

'their instruments for band practice at home!'

So it's off to the science lab

for the final part of their silent training.

Ooh! Somebody's at the door.

-Hello!

-Hello! Hello, Maria! Go and sit down. Nice to meet you!

Well done. My name is Miss Bunsen

and I'm your science teacher.

MISS BUNSEN LAUGHS

Ssh.

It's science in silence. Got it, girls?

Very good. This is your last class before your final exam

and I need to make sure that you're all in shape.

Time to get the class started.

Balancing boot.

Balancing boot. There we go, girls.

One of you will be wearing my special balancing boot

and you'll have to be holding a tray.

You have 30 seconds to test out my invention.

You'll have to do it in complete silence.

Yes? Good. Ssh.

Let's pick one of the coloured gobstoppers to determine which

one of you it is, shall we?

Hannah, you pick, dear.

Who's it going to be?

Me.

Unlucky, Hannah, you picked yourself.

To test this boot out, Hanna, I shall be handing you some trays

filled with liquid.

You have to balance these trays, as many of them as you can possibly can

in a short space of time.

All silently.

There you go.

Hannah, your time starts now.

A good start from Hannah. She's been the quietest so far today.

She's going.

No, she's pulled it back.

Doing well.

BOOT CREAKS

Great work from the whole team here.

Just a few more seconds.

Time's up. Time is up.

Well, I tell you what, Hannah, you did actually manage to

stay quite quiet during that test and the boot clearly works, so I'll look

at getting that patented.

Fantastic. Ssh.

One more chance to perfect their silent techniques.

Scuba pack, got it?

Fantastic. One of you will be wearing a jet pack on your back.

It's full of fizzy power.

Let's get the gobstoppers and see who's going to pick.

Who's it going to be?

You pick, Kiyana.

Oh, dear, you've picked yourself.

-Ssh.

-So while testing out the scuba pack that should fire Kiyana

through the roof the team will have to remain absolutely silent.

Are you ready?

It's all got to be done in absolute silence. Now.

In go the pellets.

THEY SHOUT AND LAUGH

Oh, dear, lots of noise.

Let's see that again.

THEY SHOUT AND LAUGH

There was far too much noise

and you haven't gone anywhere, have you, dear? No.

Well, girls, I think you've got a lot of work to do in between

this class and Colonel Kittens' final exam.

There was a lot of giggling going on

and whispering and chatting. You have to pull it together.

Out you go, then, girls to Colonel Kittens' class.

I can't believe it.

First test, not a sound.

Wonderful, not a peep.

Poor you!

-I told you!

-That was funny though!

And then who set off my Gobstop 2000?

It starts with M and ends in rain.

Maria.

So, that was Miss Bunsen. How did it go?

-It was bad.

-She was boasting about how clean she was and I said,

-"You're going to get really messy."

-You did set yourself up

for that. Did anyone watch the silence monitor? Did it go off?

Yes, it went off once or twice.

You've now finished training.

You're now prepared for the final exam.

-Do you think you've done enough? Do you think you can be silent?

-Yes.

-Do you want to graduate or be expelled?

-Graduate.

-You want the golden gobstopper?

-ALL: Yeah.

Now is the chance to win it, the final exam

-with Colonel Kittens. Good luck, girls. I hope you do it.

-Bye.

MISS GOBSTOP: 'Attention, attention. This is the School of Silence.

'I'm sorry to report that Kevin from the post room has been sacked for

'popping the bubble-wrap.'

They've had their three classes and now it's time for their final exam.

Colonel Kittens will really put them to the test.

To graduate and win the golden gobstopper,

they must keep that shut.

If they set off the Gobstop 2000 three times, they'll be expelled!

Their silence training has all been building up to this,

the final exam with Colonel Kittens.

Right, I'm Colonel Kittens.

It's my job to make you crack.

Yes, sir!

Yes, Colonel!

-ALL:

-Yes, Colonel!

From what I've heard, that's not going to be too difficult.

You've been giggling all day.

These are my implements

and the implements of your downfall.

Are you ready to suffer in silence?

-ALL:

-Yes, Colonel!

Your time...

..starts...now.

The Colonel reaches for his classic. It's his favourite.

The feather duster.

Hold it in Kiyana.

The team are staying strong. I think he may have found a weakness.

He's suspicious.

Extra tickling there.

Here comes the silly string.

Was that loud enough to set off the Gobstop 2000?

That's the splat

and some cold grunge.

A serving for everybody.

And an extra helping for Kiyana.

And then the rest of it. The colonel knows where the weak spot is.

He's now turning his hand to a bit of DIY.

We all know it stands for "did it yesterday".

It's the splatter chicken. It always works.

SHE SNIGGERS

Yep, look at that, sniggering. Has that set off the Gobstop 2000?

Did that sound just register?

The shaving foam hat might have done. Unlucky, Hannah.

Here comes the snowstorm, the colonel holding nothing back today.

It's a blizzard for Hannah straight in the face.

Some orange goop.

And some feathers to finish.

BELL RINGS

Time up!

Not half bad.

How do you think you did, dear?

What does that mean?

-Good, Colonel.

-You can talk now.

You may not be able to see, but you can speak.

How do you think you did?

-Good, Colonel.

-You may have done very well.

I don't know. That's for Miss Gobstop to know and for you to find out.

I personally don't care as long as I never see you in my team again.

-Is that clear?

-Yes, Colonel!

-Indeed, what are you waiting for?

You're dismissed!

You made a bit of a mess, girls.

Yes.

-Was it worth it?

-No!

-I didn't laugh one bit, so I was fine.

As you know, the Gobstop 2000 is a sensitive piece of equipment.

If it went off three times or more, you'll be expelled. Think it did?

-No.

-Not sure.

-Maybe like once.

Are you ready to find out if you've won the Golden gobstopper

-and if you're going to graduate or be expelled?

-Yes!

Miss Gobstop is waiting.

Sssh.

THEY KNOCK

Come in!

Quickly.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

You were sent here today because you're all far too noisy.

I've put you through rigorous training, silent training.

Let's take a look at your report.

Maria, the hairy, scary werewolf.

SHE GIGGLES

Ssh.

Yes.

What a mess. The giggling is too much, girl. Too much.

You're the ringleader of this little circus, aren't you?

Is that a smile?

Very nice. Kiyana.

You're no better.

What do you think this training is all about?

-Being silent.

-Yes.

Swimming in fizzy pop, were you?

THEY SHOUT AND LAUGH

Shame you can't hold your breath when you're not scuba-diving.

Isn't it? Hannah.

A model student.

Well done, Hannah.

Zainab.

What a racket from you.

SHE SQUEALS

SHE LAUGHS

So, did you fail?

Or did you graduate?

ALL: Graduate.

Graduated?

Very confident, aren't we, for four naughty, little, noisy girls.

I can now reveal...

You graduated.

Hooray!

THEY CHEER

You didn't set off my Gobstop 2000 once.

A case as noisy as yours was when you first arrived here

was hopeless.

Thanks to me

and my teaching faculty...

..I've transformed you all

into silent students.

Joy.

I can now present you

with the golden gobstopper.

-Who would like to take it?

-Me.

-Me.

-Me.

Hannah. My favourite student.

Take it. You got something to say?

-Thank you.

-Now get out!

THEY LAUGH

Can't you hear me? I said get out.

Out! Move!

I said get out, Maria.

Everybody out. I need my gloves.

Out of my class. Kiyana, get out.

Barney, you too.

Make sure they leave the premises.

Out!

Insolent children. Ugh!

THEY SHOUT

Have we got any Wet Wipes or anything?

THEY CHEER

Children!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]