Dinner Date So Awkward


Dinner Date

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Transcript


LineFromTo

So, it's official - you're my boyfriend.

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Yeah, I guess I am.

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It'll be nice to actually tell people now.

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Yeah, and this badge will definitely help.

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Do you think it's big enough?

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-The thing is, Lily, I'm worried I can't be your boyfriend.

-Why?

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Is it because I told you there's no such word as "brung"?

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It's just it's "brought", as in, "I brought my homework to school."

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No, it's not that.

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I'm an alien.

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I'm sorry, what?

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Yeah, these aren't my real ears.

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I knew there was something weird about those.

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-Sorry, Lily.

-It's fine. I guess we can still go out.

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The thing is, on my planet,

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hand-eye coordination is really important

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and a girl can only go out with a boy if she's good at sport.

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So, it's a good job I've brung this, eh?

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No!

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-You not eating that?

-No, I wasn't ready!

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-Sorry?

-You shouldn't skip breakfast.

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Here, have an apple.

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No!

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# Ooh-ooh, ooh

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# Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

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# Ooh!

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# So, so, so, so, so, so

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# Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh

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# Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh

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# So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so

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# So Awkward! #

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Right, Jason, what do you think?

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Well, I think you can tell it's not your real hair.

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Ha-ha! I mean the colour. I feel like a change.

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Take my photo so I can see what it looks like.

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Shouldn't you have asked Taylor Swift

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-if you could steal her hair?

-Ah, she won't mind.

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Lily, you haven't even taken a bite out of that apple.

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-Oh, I'm not really hungry.

-Oh, too in love?

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-What about this one?

-I think it looked better on Beyonce.

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Yeah, you might be right.

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Hang on. In love?

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Yeah, with her boyfriend Matt.

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Matt's your boyfriend?

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-Um, yeah, I think.

-Does he know that?

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-Aw. He's a lovely lad.

-He's all right.

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He's just a perfectly ordinary boy with perfectly ordinary...ears.

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Well, you'll have to bring him round for dinner. What about tonight?

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-I could do my tuna and banana bake.

-Uh, I don't think so.

-Why not?

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You're not embarrassed about your family, are you?

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-HE GASPS

-Is that will.i.am?

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SHUTTER CLICKS Of course I'm not embarrassed.

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It's just he doesn't really like home-made food.

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Oh.

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Well, there's lots of other things we can do.

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We could put the speakers outside

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and have a disco dance in the garden.

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-MUSIC PLAYS

-Yeah! Let's do that.

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-We could invite the neighbours.

-Yes!

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And you can show off all your groovy moves.

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-Mum, no!

-Come on!

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There's nothing embarrassing about dancing with your mum. Whoo!

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-SHE LAUGHS

-Come on.

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Well, if Matt is an alien,

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he's got to reveal his true form sooner or later.

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I don't actually think he's an alien.

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Anyway, alien or not, he's still quite good-looking.

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He's more than just good-looking, Jas.

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He's kind and considerate and we have really deep conversations.

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-Hi.

-Hi.

-Are you all right?

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-Yeah, you?

-Yeah.

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-ECHOING:

-I'm an alien.

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-What, is it my hair?

-No, no, nothing.

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Ah, cool. Catch you later.

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Wow. That was a pretty deep conversation.

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Have you guys seen Martha? We were supposed to meet at 8.17.

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I think the problem is

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I'm not sure if he actually is my boyfriend.

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-Well, you need to ask him.

-I know, but how?

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It's so hard.

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Wow. This relationship stuff, it's a minefield.

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I dread the day when girls start asking me to go out with them.

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Ollie, you've got to be sympathetic to Lily's situation.

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She might actually have her first real-life boyfriend,

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-and that's a big change.

-I don't like change.

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That's what I admire about Martha - her consistency.

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In an ever-changing world, she's predictable, unchanging.

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What is it?

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Martha?

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Hey, Martha. How's it going?

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Oh, yeah, really well. Legend.

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Why have you got a hockey stick?

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You hate hockey.

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Actually, I've always admired the savage ballet of hockey.

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It's legend.

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Savage ballet? Legend?

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I love your new look, Martha. I haven't seen anything like it.

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Actually, I think I have.

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That was a great goal, Amber. It was legend.

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What?

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Ow, my eye! My eye! Ow!

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That's basically what happened in the Battle of Hastings in 1066.

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Thanks, sir. That was legend.

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Oh, thank you very much, Martha. Is that a new scarf? Very nice.

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Legend.

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Why don't you just change your name to Jade, as well?

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I happen to admire Jade.

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She is head of the school council, gets straight As in everything

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and excels in a host of extracurricular activities.

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We'd make excellent friends.

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-What about us?

-I still value your friendship.

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Oh, legend.

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But studies show that girls with older friends

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-do about 26% better in their exams.

-So, that's why you're copying her?

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Showing Jade how similar we are is just phase one.

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Phase two will be the PowerPoint presentation

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outlining why we should be friends.

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Martha, that's not how you become friends with someone.

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Isn't it? It worked with Ollie.

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Now, in order to bring the Battle of Hastings alive...

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-We're going to act out the battle on the school field!

-No, no.

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They won't let us do that again.

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The Bayeux Tapestry showed us the events in the battle.

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It's kind of like the action movie of its day.

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So, we're going to make...

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Our own action movie!

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No. Our own tapestry!

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Yeah!

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And then I'm going to put it up for the school's open day.

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-BELL RINGS

-Oh, good. Break.

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I mean, uh, pack up, please.

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-Hey, do you want to work on the tapestry together?

-Oh, yeah.

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-It'll be good to work as a team. After all, you are...

-Yeah?

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-..really good at history.

-Oh, yeah.

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-Hey, are you two going out?

-What?!

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Cos if you are going out, I'd take your coat. Looks like rain.

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I can't believe you're joining the Gardening Society

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just cos Jade's a member.

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Gardening is the ultimate natural science.

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Anyway, how do you know Jade's a member?

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Because I belong to the Gardening Society.

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Who do you think invented the cross between the carrot and a potato?

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-You invented the "creato"?

-I did.

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Well, I'm sure Jade and I could invent our own vegetable,

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if we put our minds to it.

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Jade's three years older than us. You'll have nothing in common.

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-Look, if Jade and I are friends, it'll benefit you, too.

-How?

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She has an electron microscope

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so I won't have to keep asking you over to borrow yours.

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Oh.

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Good.

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-Do you and Matt chat online?

-All the time.

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-Do you hold hands?

-Yeah.

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Although we were doing Irish dancing

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and sort of everyone was holding hands at various points.

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-Sounds like going out to me.

-Yeah!

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But are we really going out or just hanging out?

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How about I ask him?

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You can't. You're a girl,

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and apparently, boys only talk about girls with other boys.

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-BOTH:

-Ollie!

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Well, darling, are you friends with Jade yet?

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No.

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Oh. Have you shown her the PowerPoint presentation?

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Lily says that's not the right strategy.

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Really?

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It's the one I used for the GlenCorp proposal.

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It won us the contract, didn't it, Martin?

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It was very persuasive.

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I think I need to do Jade some sort of favour.

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If I could help Jade out in some way,

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she'd think I was legend.

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Like Androcles and the lion?

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Androcles removed the thorn from the lion's paw

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and the lion was forever grateful to him.

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Shut up, Martin.

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Well, you'll just have to find some situation

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where Jade needs help, darling.

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Yes, I'll have to be super aware and keep looking for an opportunity,

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so that when I get the chance, I'm ready.

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Good girl. Bye, darling.

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Satsuma?

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MOUTHS SILENTLY

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-Why me?

-Because you've got great people skills.

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No, I haven't.

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-People confide in you.

-No, they don't.

-Here he comes.

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Just talk to him man-to-man and find out if he's Lily's boyfriend.

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Man-to-man.

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-Hey, Matt.

-Hey, Ollie.

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Ow!

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School, hey?

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-School.

-Yeah.

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-Where would we be without it?

-At home.

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Yeah, I suppose so.

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It's a place to learn, sure, but it's also about the people.

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-Boys, girls.

-Teachers.

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Yeah, but I'm talking about the special people in our lives.

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-Parents?

-No.

-Pets?

-No.

-I've got a cat. He's called Fluffy.

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Yeah, sure. What I mean is we're growing up.

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We've got friends,

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but we're starting to want some people to be more than friends.

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Yeah.

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And I just wondered if you're the sort of person

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who wanted to be more than friends with someone.

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-What, like, go out with somebody?

-Yes.

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-HE SIGHS IN RELIEF

-Oh, I see.

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Well, you're a really great guy, Ollie,

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but I don't think of you in that way.

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-No.

-I'm sure you'll find someone who does one day.

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-No, I didn't...

-OK.

-Wait!

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I didn't mean it like that!

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-HE SIGHS

-Oh, dear.

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This is book three in the Night Falls trilogy.

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My mother got it from America,

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so Ollie and I are the only ones in the UK that have it.

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According to her blog, Jade has just finished book two,

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so when she leaves the school council meeting

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in room four over there, I'll bump into her, drop it,

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and when she sees it, lend it to her,

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thus bonding us lifelong friends. What do you think?

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Right, yeah, yeah. Very good.

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Don't suppose you've got a pen on you.

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Don't worry. Don't worry.

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And the school council meeting -

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that's moved from room four to room 41 upstairs.

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What?! No!

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Wow. What an ending.

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Ooh, sorry.

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Hi, Ollie. Congratulations on inventing the "creato".

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-Well, someone had to.

-And you won the chess tournament.

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Well, we were all winners, really. But I definitely did win, yes.

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Well, my chess could do with a bit of a tune-up.

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Are you free some time for a practice session?

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Yeah, of course.

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Night Falls book three? I've been dying to read that.

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I've just finished it. You can borrow it, if you like.

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Wow. Thanks, Ollie.

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-See you around. Legend.

-Bye.

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Looking for someone?

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Yes! It's lasagne day!

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Legend!

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Ollie, how did it go with Matt?

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It's difficult to say.

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What do you mean?

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Did you find out if he was my boyfriend?

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-Not exactly.

-So, I still don't know.

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-That's so annoying.

-I know, right? So annoying.

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-You don't seem annoyed.

-Lily, it's lasagne day.

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Nothing can bring me down.

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-Oh, no!

-What? What is it?

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It's Jade. There's only one seat left.

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I'm not going to get there in time.

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I guess you and Jade just aren't meant to be.

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No, Jade and I will be friends. It will happen.

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You must have another idea, Jas. You're full of them.

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Lily, I'm looking inside my brain and all I can see is lasagne.

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Finished with that? Thanks!

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SHE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

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Yeah. Legend.

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PHONE BEEPS

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My mum wants to know if I'm going to ask Matt round for dinner.

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-Are you?

-As if. You know what my mum's like.

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She'll get out all the baby photos of me and tell embarrassing stories.

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Like when you used to get inside a sleeping bag

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-and pretend to be a caterpillar?

-HE LAUGHS

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-Yep.

-And when you used to think cats were girl dogs.

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-HE LAUGHS

-And when you...

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Thank you, Jas.

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-I've got it!

-What?

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If Matt comes round for dinner,

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your mum's bound to ask him if he's your boyfriend.

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He'll have to answer and then you'll know.

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Jas, you're a genius.

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Finally, the world realises.

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Excuse me.

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CLATTERING

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Shall I ask Matt if he's free tonight?

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Um, I know I've been a bit tongue-tied with Matt in the past,

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but even I can't mess that up.

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Do you want to have dinner with my mum?

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-Uh...

-And me, obviously.

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My mum and me.

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Let me guess. Gardening Club?

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Yes.

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And it was amazing.

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Where else can one witness photosynthesis in action

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while cultivating the precious orchid?

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True. So, what were you doing today?

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Manure spreading.

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Ah, yes, it's Manure Monday.

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I always try to avoid that. Too much manure.

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Yes, well, obviously, Jade feels the same way

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because she wasn't there either.

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And you're signing up for Bug Club.

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I think Jade's a member of that, too.

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Oh? Really?

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I didn't know that.

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-I thought you hated insects.

-No, I'm fascinated by them.

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Yeah, and I suppose you express this fascination

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by standing on the table and screaming,

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like you did that time a daddy-longlegs

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landed on your pencil case.

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I was standing on the table to get a better view of it

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and screaming in admiration.

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-Oh, of course.

-PHONE BEEPS

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-Yes!

-What is it?

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Sasha from year seven just spotted Jade in the library.

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She's reading book three from the Night Falls trilogy.

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How did she get a hold of that?

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Uh...

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-How would I know?

-Got to go.

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I talked to Matt and he's up for coming around mine for dinner.

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Great! It's going to be brilliant.

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Your mum's bound to ask him if he's your boyfriend.

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It'll be a bit embarrassing, but at least you'll know for sure.

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Only thing is making sure my mum doesn't embarrass me too much.

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But what can I do? It's not as if I can give her a list of subjects

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-she's not allowed to talk about.

-True.

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Right, subjects you can't talk about -

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-when I cut my own hair...

-Yep.

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..when I tried to glue my hair back on...

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-SHE SNIGGERS

-Mm-hm.

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..when the barber had to shave my head.

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When you wore your slippers to school.

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Oh, that's not on the list. Let's add that one.

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BUZZING

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Martha, you forgot this. As a new member of Bug Club,

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you get to look after the school fleas for a night.

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Oh, great.

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This is the sort of privilege Jade is missing out on

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ever since she left Bug Club to join Cupcake Club.

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Yeah.

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Who needs cupcakes when you've got fleas?

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-Right, see you after football.

-All right, love.

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"The dinner with Matt action plan."

0:18:200:18:23

Wow. And who said romance was dead?

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I didn't.

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-Jas!

-Good luck.

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Hope nothing embarrassing happens.

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That's all the baby photos.

0:18:340:18:37

Now, napkin code.

0:18:370:18:39

If an embarrassing topic not on the list is mentioned,

0:18:390:18:42

Lily will raise her napkin like this

0:18:420:18:43

and you, Mrs Hampton, will change the subject.

0:18:430:18:46

And in case there's something really embarrassing,

0:18:460:18:48

Lily will say the emergency phrase,

0:18:480:18:50

"Did you know Matt's got a lovely, fluffy cat?"

0:18:500:18:52

-Fluffy cat.

-Brilliant.

0:18:520:18:55

-Are we done? I just need to put this new hair dye on.

-Yeah.

0:18:550:18:58

Sorry, Mum. It's just I really want this to go right.

0:18:580:19:01

Oh, I know.

0:19:010:19:02

I remember when I met my first boyfriend's mum.

0:19:020:19:05

Oh, I was really desperate for the loo and I...

0:19:050:19:09

Oh.

0:19:090:19:10

I'm home, Mother.

0:19:140:19:16

Hello, darling! Are you friends with Jade yet?

0:19:180:19:21

No.

0:19:210:19:22

Good luck, and let me know if Matt says he's your boyfriend.

0:19:260:19:29

I will. Thank you. I hope I wasn't too hard on my mum.

0:19:290:19:32

I mean, I know I say she's embarrassing sometimes,

0:19:320:19:34

-but she's not that bad, really.

-What do you think?

0:19:340:19:37

-Got to go.

-It's great, isn't it?

0:19:370:19:41

I'll be turning a few heads with this.

0:19:410:19:43

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Ooh, that'll be Matt.

0:19:430:19:45

Now, I'll try not to be too embarrassing.

0:19:450:19:47

-Hello, Matt.

-Whoa.

0:19:520:19:55

Oh, yes, sorry. I mean, "Whoa, Matt."

0:19:550:19:58

Honestly, I can't keep up with the way you youngsters talk.

0:19:580:20:02

Come in.

0:20:020:20:03

Matt's here.

0:20:060:20:07

Oh, I must check on the food.

0:20:100:20:12

Sorry I'm late.

0:20:130:20:15

I was looking for my cat, Fluffy. He's gone missing.

0:20:150:20:18

-Oh, no.

-Hopefully, he'll turn up soon.

0:20:180:20:20

-I mean, he did last time.

-Well, thanks for coming.

0:20:200:20:23

I mean, I know it's a bit weird, just me and my mum...

0:20:230:20:26

-Oh, no. It's about time. I mean, you are my...

-Yes?

0:20:260:20:30

Dinner's ready.

0:20:300:20:31

Barbecue chicken from the supermarket hot counter,

0:20:380:20:41

pre-packed coleslaw and microwave chips.

0:20:410:20:44

You know, I've never heard of somebody being allergic

0:20:440:20:46

-to home-made food before.

-Oh, no, I'm not...

0:20:460:20:48

Mum, did you know that Matt plays for the school football team?

0:20:480:20:52

Oh, really? What position?

0:20:520:20:53

On the wing, but I prefer being a striker.

0:20:530:20:55

Oh.

0:20:550:20:56

Lily, don't you think you should save some chicken for other people?

0:20:560:21:00

You've taken three pieces.

0:21:000:21:01

Lily did a football skills session once.

0:21:040:21:08

The coach told her to kick the ball and she...

0:21:080:21:10

..kicked it.

0:21:120:21:13

Nowhere near his face.

0:21:150:21:17

-And didn't injure him at all.

-SHE CHUCKLES

0:21:170:21:21

Not at all.

0:21:210:21:23

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

0:21:260:21:28

What's this, darling?

0:21:340:21:36

Have you made something in food science?

0:21:360:21:38

So, Mum, I'm sure there's lots you want to know about Matt.

0:21:450:21:48

I'm sure Matt doesn't want me asking him lots of questions.

0:21:480:21:51

-He doesn't mind, do you, Matt?

-Oh, no.

0:21:510:21:53

Well, there is one thing I'm curious about.

0:21:530:21:56

Forgive me if this is embarrassing,

0:21:560:21:58

but I can't help wondering if you and Lily are...

0:21:580:22:01

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Who's that?

0:22:010:22:03

Excuse me.

0:22:030:22:05

Oh, heeeello.

0:22:130:22:16

I mean, hi.

0:22:160:22:18

I'm Lily's hairy...history teacher.

0:22:180:22:21

-Oh, Mr Malone, isn't it?

-Yes, yeah.

0:22:210:22:23

Lily forgot her Bayeux Tapestry homework.

0:22:230:22:26

I was just passing, so I thought I'd drop it in.

0:22:260:22:28

That's so kind of you. Come and join us for dinner.

0:22:280:22:31

Oh, no, no. I don't think that's appropriate.

0:22:310:22:34

It's only ready-cooked chicken, microwave chips and coleslaw.

0:22:340:22:37

-So, you didn't cook it?

-Not really, no.

-I'm in!

0:22:370:22:39

Have you heard anything about your cat?

0:22:410:22:43

Oh, no, I forgot about that.

0:22:430:22:45

Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have reminded you.

0:22:450:22:48

From now on, no more mentioning cats.

0:22:480:22:50

-Are you having a nice time?

-Yeah.

0:22:500:22:53

It's good to spend some time away from school stuff.

0:22:530:22:56

Yeah, definitely.

0:22:560:22:58

Look, it's Mr Malone.

0:22:580:23:01

Are you all right?

0:23:010:23:02

Ooh.

0:23:060:23:08

Are you around tonight?

0:23:080:23:09

I could bring over my electron microscope.

0:23:090:23:12

I'm sorry, Ollie. You can't come round.

0:23:120:23:13

My mother and I have fleas.

0:23:130:23:15

You know, there's no need to be sarcastic.

0:23:150:23:17

You could just say you don't fancy it.

0:23:170:23:20

Get off me!

0:23:200:23:21

This is all Jade's fault.

0:23:230:23:25

This is great.

0:23:280:23:29

-I hope you don't mind me using my fingers.

-Oh, no.

0:23:300:23:33

You know, the fork is a relatively new invention.

0:23:330:23:36

Until the 16th century, most people just used spoons.

0:23:360:23:39

Ah. Isn't that interesting?

0:23:390:23:41

-Aren't we lucky to have a history teacher with us?

-BOTH:

-Yeah.

0:23:410:23:44

We do a lot of things we didn't used to.

0:23:440:23:46

In medieval times, no-one even took a bath.

0:23:460:23:48

Oh, I think Lily would've liked medieval times.

0:23:480:23:51

I can't get her in the bath when she's engrossed

0:23:510:23:53

in one of her nature programmes.

0:23:530:23:54

I'm like, "Lily, you're starting to pong."

0:23:540:23:57

THEY LAUGH

0:23:570:23:59

I say, "You'll grow stuff behind your ears if you don't wash them."

0:23:590:24:02

Mum!

0:24:020:24:03

Did you know that Matt's got a lovely, fluffy...

0:24:030:24:07

ECHOING: 'From now on, no more mentioning cats.'

0:24:070:24:10

A lovely, fluffy...

0:24:120:24:15

..head.

0:24:160:24:17

That used to happen to me. I just changed shampoo.

0:24:190:24:23

-Can I have some more chicken?

-Oh, yes.

-Oh, yeah.

0:24:230:24:25

Oh, sorry. I've spilt the barbecue...

0:24:250:24:28

-Do I really have a fluffy head?

-No.

0:24:320:24:34

I thought you had a lovely, fluffy cat.

0:24:360:24:38

If I ever see him again.

0:24:380:24:40

-Mum!

-Ah!

0:24:400:24:41

I am so sorry.

0:24:470:24:50

Where do you keep the tea towels?

0:24:500:24:53

No!

0:24:550:24:56

Is that Lily as a baby? Oh, she hasn't changed a bit!

0:25:100:25:13

HE CHUCKLES

0:25:130:25:16

Has a bit more coleslaw now, but...

0:25:180:25:20

BELL RINGS

0:25:320:25:34

So, I still don't know if Matt's my boyfriend.

0:25:340:25:37

When I invited him round for dinner,

0:25:370:25:39

I didn't think we'd both end up wearing it.

0:25:390:25:41

-Oh, no.

-I was so embarrassed.

0:25:410:25:43

I didn't know what was redder - my mum's hair or my face.

0:25:430:25:47

-But at least I convinced her to dye it back brown again.

-Hi.

0:25:470:25:50

-Martha, you're the old you again!

-You were right, Ollie.

0:25:510:25:55

Trying to hang out with someone older than me, that's ridiculous.

0:25:550:25:58

I would have absolutely nothing in common Jade.

0:25:580:26:00

I'm just sorry it took me so long to realise it.

0:26:000:26:02

Hey, thank you so much for lending me this, Ollie.

0:26:020:26:05

Amazing ending. Are we still on for chess practice later?

0:26:050:26:08

Uh, um...

0:26:080:26:10

-Yeah, yeah.

-Thanks, Ollie. See you later.

0:26:100:26:13

-Hey, guys, let's go look at the...thing.

-What thing?

0:26:160:26:20

Right. The thing.

0:26:230:26:25

-WHISPERS:

-Let's go.

0:26:250:26:26

-My cat came back.

-Oh, good.

0:26:280:26:30

And I changed shampoo, so no more fluffy head.

0:26:300:26:33

Great.

0:26:330:26:35

And I just wanted to say sorry if I was a bit embarrassing last night.

0:26:350:26:38

-YOU were embarrassing?

-Yeah, I took all that chicken.

0:26:380:26:42

Don't be silly.

0:26:420:26:43

I'm sorry you had to see all those baby photos.

0:26:430:26:46

Hey, I was a baby.

0:26:460:26:48

It's not like I came out of a pod like an alien.

0:26:480:26:51

True.

0:26:510:26:53

Well, I hope you had a nice time.

0:26:530:26:56

-Course I had a good time with you, Lily. I mean, I am your...

-Yeah?

0:26:560:27:00

Well, what I'm trying to say is we both like each other a lot.

0:27:000:27:03

-Hopefully, you see me as your...

-CAR HORN BEEPS

0:27:030:27:07

Lily!

0:27:070:27:08

You've forgotten your Bayeux Tapestry homework.

0:27:090:27:12

Mum!

0:27:120:27:13

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