Bake Off Doctors

Oh, hello.

Good morning. Oh, you have a postcard!

Though it's more like a telegram, the way Emily writes.

It looks like she is having a good time.

Hmm.

Now, I wondered if you had a fluted baking tin?

I looked at mine this morning and it has a dent in it.

Well, that won't do for your baking competition.

-What size do you need?

-Uh, 12 inches?

I'm pretty sure I've got one. Come in.

-Would you like a cup of tea?

-Oh, yes, please. Thank you.

So...how long do you expect Emily to be away?

Well, I was expecting her home by now.

If I'd known she was going to be gone for good,

I might have got a lodger in.

For good? So how long has she extended her visa?

She was applying for a four-year visa last time we spoke.

It seems there's a shortage of nurses in Western Australia too.

-Ah, I see.

-GILL CHUCKLES

She took her time to leave home,

but she's well and truly flown the nest now!

I expect she'll fall in love and...get married.

-Will this do?

-Oh, that is perfect.

AND it is nonstick!

GILL LAUGHS Do you take milk?

Yes, please.

Uh, this is the competition.

Oh.

Well, my mixer broke last week, so this is perfect timing.

Really?

Oh, I wanted to buy

one of those pasta machines!

Well, the competition is only open to students and staff

at the university.

I had to apply for special permission to enter myself.

Special permission? Well, well...

I guess we'll never know if my orange polenta cake

beats your Mary Berry cherry cake.

No doubt we will get another chance.

COMPUTER CHIMES

COMPUTER CHIMES

You know I won't be able to help you set it up?

We are so busy today, I'm already behind.

Well, I will be able to manage. Oh, be careful!

-Sorry, sorry. Here, let me take it.

-Thanks.

-Where do you want it?

-Just in there. Thank you.

-Hello again.

-Hello.

We, uh, we met when you came to my church,

our regular organist was off ill.

Ah, yes, and you baked that delicious cake for morning tea.

Indeed. Bend your knees.

SHE SIGHS

Right, well, thank you very much for that.

-Is that a keyboard?

-Well spotted.

I'm quite musical myself.

In fact, Ricky Delaine commented that my voice had gravitas.

-Ricky Delaine?

-Yeah!

-Are you on tour?

-No, no, I wish I was.

I'm studying music - or I WAS studying music,

-I'm going home with my tail between my legs.

-Oh?

I haven't found a job or a place to stay this year,

and I've been sleeping on couches for weeks.

Doesn't the university help with accommodation?

They do in your first year, but then you're on your own.

What about an emergency loan?

It's just more debt, isn't it? Just piling it on, and for what?

Well, you never know where your passions might lead.

I know I'm not good enough to be a professional, and...

none of the big music schools took me.

Well, that is no reason not to continue.

No, I believe that every talent, no matter how minor,

-then it should be developed.

-Mm.

Me too. But I can still play,

and no-one's going to stop me from studying on my own.

-Neil Brown?

-Me.

Oh, you can leave that there. I'll look after it for you.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Aww, poor boy.

What's the world coming to if music is a luxury the young can't afford?

All the arts are under attack, and it is up to us to save it.

That is why I am starting the library

that YOU are so reluctant to support.

No. At a time like this, we should all do our bit.

Well, I just wish I could offer that young man somewhere to stay.

You do have a spare room.

Yeah, but Geoffrey doesn't like strangers.

He would behave appallingly.

What about you?

I'd like to make an appointment to talk to the vice-chancellor.

Well, it's of a personal nature.

Yes, I can hold.

They call it "home-sharing".

It is like having a lodger, but they do things for you in kind.

For example,

they would clean your house once a week.

In my experience, young men aren't much good at cleaning.

Or he could do your shopping.

Oh, I wouldn't mind someone to drive me these days.

Well... They are usually there only during the term time.

But that means you will have your house to yourself

during the holiday.

Well, now that I know that Emily's not coming back...

..the house does feel a bit empty.

That is why I thought of you!

When she returns, she can move straight back in.

No, this is perfect for your situation.

Well, I'm happy to think about it.

The thing is, we are in a bit of a fix.

He will have to abandon his studies if we cannot find somewhere

for him to stay today.

But I haven't even met him.

He is a lovely boy, studying music, very helpful.

I am sure that he can provide references.

Why don't I bring him round to meet you?

Well, there's no time like the present, is there?

Wonderful.

Well...bullying. Online harassment.

Of course by other students,

that's why I want the vice-chancellor to deal with this!

Yes, I can hold.

-Now, do you drive?

-Absolutely.

Well, if this works out with Mrs Parling,

she would like you to drive her occasionally.

Now, she drives a manual.

Oh, that's fine. I'm a farm boy, I can drive anything.

Tractors, vans...

And you understand that this is on a trial basis?

Of course.

Mrs Parling would like to see you at 11.30.

I will come with you just to introduce you.

-I think we should leave in about 40 minutes?

-Sure.

Well, why don't I assemble this for you while I wait?

One good deed deserves another.

That is very kind, thank you.

Allen key?

RECORDED MESSAGE: 'All great achievements start with a vision.

'For over 100 years,

'our students have forged theirs here,

'going on to change lives for the better.

'University of Letherbridge.'

'Hello?'

Yeah, hello.

But why should I have to go to student services for a referral?

Do you not believe what I'm saying?!

Go online and look for yourself, it's all there!

Oh, stuff your procedures!

COMPUTER CHIMES

COMPUTER CHIMES

-You have a lovely house, Mrs Parling.

-Oh, please, call me Gill.

OK. Gill.

It looks like you like to cook, do you?

I do, and you?

Well, I bake a mean chocolate cake!

Really?

Well, perhaps a better way to get to know each other would be

-to do something together.

-Yeah, sure.

Neil's at the university that's running your baking competition,

-isn't he?

-Yes.

-The Refugee Relief Fund.

Is that tonight?

Uh, yes, but I think you needed to have registered in advance.

Oh, I'm sure it will be fine.

The entrance fee's for charity, isn't it? So why not?

Oh, it says entries are still open.

GILL GASPS

I bake a fantastic orange cake.

Well, uh, perhaps Neil would like to stick

to the chocolate recipe that he is used to.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm totally up for learning something new. Yeah.

Ah, great.

Tea?

MACHINES BLEEPS STEADILY

Morning.

Hey. Mum woke up.

Really? That's great.

-Did she talk?

-Yeah. She was actually pretty lucid.

What did she say?

She still doesn't know how she got here, or what happened,

that's still a blank.

She said she'd been dreaming about this stray cat we took in once.

We called her Love-Sponge.

Right.

She was asking after Karl, she's so proud of how well he's doing.

Hey. There's something I wanted to talk to you about.

What?

Let's get some air first, yeah?

It's still clear.

Don't panic, it will bubble away for a moment or so

before it turns brown.

-I just don't think it's hot enough.

-It is!

I'll need that cup of flour now.

-Oh...

-What?

-You didn't sift it!

-It's OK, I never sift.

-It won't rise!

HE EXHALES I'll have to start again now.

It's burning, it's burning!

What a waste!

OK. What's up?

OK...

I know this is really uncool, what with Bren

sort of being your outlaw mother-in-law and all that...

but I was wondering if, when she's discharged...

..if she could come and stay in our spare room?

I know, and I'm sorry to ask,

but what chance has she got on her own?

Trying to go cold turkey in a shelter?

We're family, right?

Yeah. We are.

And it's not just for her, it's for me as well.

All of this has been eating away at me,

not knowing if she's in a gutter, or being beaten up, or worse.

It would just mean a lot to me if I knew she was safe.

Of course it's OK. Everybody needs a home.

Thank you. What I did do to deserve you?

We might need to get some things to make it nice.

Pillows, bedsheets.

I'll go after work. Maybe even a bedside lamp.

No, you're busy, I'll go.

She'll sleep for hours yet anyway.

-Mrs Tembe.

-Ah.

-It-It's not going to work.

It was a nice idea, helping the lad out, but...

everything he did irritated me!

Would you like me to talk to him?

Perhaps a gentle word in the right direction...

We couldn't even bake a cake together.

He couldn't spare me his ideas about what I was doing wrong.

I-I don't think I could live with that.

I shouldn't have rushed into it.

I thought it might be a bit of fun, but I'm too old for this.

I'm already exhausted by this morning!

Well, at least you gave it a try.

And perhaps I got a little carried away earlier.

A lodger is not a replacement for a daughter.

No.

Would you mind telling him?

-No, of course. No, that is my responsibility.

-Thank you.

I'm never going to get this ready in time.

SHE STRAINS

Hiya, Bren.

I'm glad you're awake.

I wanted to talk to you.

About Ayesha... and what's best for her.

CAMERA PHONE CLICKS

DOOR CLOSES

Well, so much for young men not being good at cleaning.

Just thought it might help smooth things over a little bit.

Our co-operative effort didn't go too well.

No.

There is no easy way to say this, but Mrs Parling does not feel

that sharing her house will work for her.

Oh.

But I would like you to come and stay with me -

or I could book a bed-and-breakfast.

Erm...I think I might catch the last train.

Oh, no. Actually, I was hoping that

you could take the cake out when this goes off.

You could bring your clothes over.

SHE SIGHS

What do you think?

Yeah, OK, sure.

I think Gill is having a nap. I'll stay here till she wakes.

I'm not sure how you lock the house and...

That is very considerate of you.

I really have to go. I need to get to work.

But I will sort the cake out when I get back, and...

then we can have a nice little chat, hm?

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

HE PLAYS CLASSICAL TUNE

TIMER BUZZES

Oh, hello.

Sorry, I hope I didn't wake you.

No, your playing was lovely.

Thanks.

Did Mrs Tembe...?

Yes, she did. It's fine, I understand.

Sharing your home is a big deal.

I've got to go and take out Mrs Tembe's cake out of the oven.

Of course, go ahead.

-How did it turn out?

-I don't know. Should I tip it out?

-I would.

-Mrs Tembe didn't say.

If you leave it in too long, it might brown, or stick.

I'm not sure, perhaps...

Now, if you use one of these...

you need to put the plate on top like that.

-Mm-hm.

-You need the cloth again because it's still very hot.

Put the cloth on top and then hold it underneath the tin.

Right, now, what you've got to do is,

you've got to flip it over really quickly, OK?

That's it.

Now, take the cloth out from underneath...

Mind, the tin's still hot.

Now lift the tin off.

-Ho-ho.

-Yeah! Well done!

Look at that texture! There's little bubbles on the surface.

Oh, it smells beautiful.

FIRE ALARM BLEEPS

That's mine!

Well, take it out of the oven before it burns more!

HE COUGHS

Oh, it's totally beyond saving!

No, let's have a go, anyway.

BOTH COUGH

Here. There you are.

-How long was it in for?

-It's my fault, I...

turned it up to the max.

Why?

I was upset, when Mrs Tembe told me I couldn't stay.

-Oh, I'm sorry.

-No, I'M sorry.

It was spiteful of me, I just...

No wonder no-one wants to live with me.

Don't say that.

No, I'm messing everything up at the moment!

I dropped a tray of drinks at a pub trial last week,

all of the household share interviews I've gone for

have picked someone else,

and now I have managed to turn your beautiful cake

into a massive pile of charcoal poo!

FIRE ALARM STOPS, GILL LAUGHS

So far, 2017 sucks!

Oh, Neil, you're a lovely, genuine young man.

And you play the piano beautifully.

Things will work out.

What was it that made you change your mind?

Seriously, I need to know what it is about me that puts everyone off.

Neil, it wasn't you, or...the cake.

I'm too set in my ways to accommodate anyone else.

I get irritated easily, and cranky when I'm tired.

I like things done my way, and I'm too old to change.

Well, I'm not too old to change.

My daughter Emily always says it's either my way or the highway.

Are you prepared for that?

Hey? How are you feeling?

Pretty rough.

Better for seeing you.

Look, I've had an idea.

I've made up the bed in the spare room,

and we want you to stay with us for as long as you want to.

Tyler's family now, so it's OK.

I got you some new bedsheets, and...

Look, do you remember Lamby?

SHE LAUGHS WEAKLY

Yeah, I remember.

It didn't matter how many times I told you it was a rabbit,

it was still "Lamby".

You'll do better if you stay with us, Mum.

No-one can get clean on their own. You really need to do this.

-You do WANT to do this, don't you?

-I do.

But I'm tired, love.

Yeah. You rest, Mum.

You need to get your strength back,

and we're going to give you a place to do that, OK?

I'll go and get something to eat and I'll be back later.

MRS TEMBE SIGHS

Very nice.

And how's today's other little project going?

Oh, my cake.

I have to phone and see how that has turned out.

No, I meant housing our budding musician.

Oh, not too good. Excuse me.

-'Hello?'

-Hello? Eh, Mrs Parling.

Your cake is perfect, if that's why you're ringing.

No holes, no browning?

No, it's an inspiration!

Wonderful. And how is Mr Brown settling into my place?

No, he's still here.

He's sifting flour, exactly as I told him to.

-Really?

-Yes, we're having another trial.

If he can follow my instructions to the letter

and bake a perfect cake, he can stay.

Oh. So you're making another cake?

Yes, so your mixer's not safe yet, Mrs Tembe!

SHE CHUCKLES

Well, I'd better get home and start on my icing.

The orange glaze is a nice touch, very effective.

Yes, Neil has done a fantastic job.

Thank you, but really all I did was follow instructions.

Well, there's a talent to that.

Does this mean he has passed the test?

With flying colours.

Yes, but we're going to give it a two-week trial to start with.

That's right, so don't get too big for your boots.

There's a lot of rules to master if you want to live with me.

Excuse me a moment, please.

-Thank you for bringing us together, Mrs Tembe.

-You are most welcome.

-She really wants that mixer.

-Oh, don't worry, we won't win.

I'm just having a bit of fun.

Vice-Chancellor! I need to talk to you urgently.

About students at this university

that are secretly photographing women

they've had sex with and posting the pictures online.

They call themselves "the League",

and they keep tallies of their conquests,

congratulating and patting each other on the back. It's sick.

And these guys don't hold back on abusing the women, either.

That's appalling.

I was targeted, and I asked them to take the photos down

and they wouldn't, so I tried to stand up to them

and I got completely slated, so now it's time for the university to...

OK, ju-ju-ju... First of all, what's your name?

-Rosie.

-Rosie, this is a very serious matter.

Have you reported this assault to the police?

Well, no, it's not an assault, exactly.

It's the way they post the photos afterwards.

So you haven't informed the police?

No, cos they're organising it from here,

so it's the university's problem.

And we are aware of problems such as this.

You know this is going on?

We know that the culture of revenge porn is a serious problem.

It's not revenge porn. They plan it, it's a game for them!

And I've ordered a task force to investigate.

Well, how long is that going to take?

How does that protect me now?

Rosie, believe me, your safety is paramount.

Have you contacted the counsellors at student services?

No, I don't want counselling, I want them to be stopped.

Are they ready?

Rosie, I'm on your side here.

Improving the safety of women on campus

is my number one priority, but right now,

I have to announce the winner of the competition.

So, Rosie, will you promise me you will make an appointment

to see the university student services?

I want you to make an example, expel them!

And that may be the action that the university takes,

but I can see that you are hurting, Rosie.

Right now, you need to take care of yourself.

Will you please promise me you will see the university counsellors?

Look, I-I really have to go now, Rosie.

But I'm taking this on as my responsibility

so you can focus on getting back on track.

Please, see the counsellors, OK?

APPLAUSE

Now, before I announce the winner, I would just like to thank everyone

who entered or bought cakes this evening.

These fantastic cakes are not only raising money for refugees,

they're also generating goodwill

and turning up the heat on this important issue.

If I can just...

open the envelope.

LAUGHTER

And the winner of the University Refugee Relief Bake Off is...

a student at the university - Neil Brown!

With his orange polenta cake. Neil?

Neil, where are you?

Neil, is that you? Neil, come on up!

Come on.

Congratulations, Neil, well done.

All of these wonderful prizes are yours to take home tonight.

It was a very close call, ladies and gentleman,

and the judges especially wanted to acknowledge the work

of the runner-up -

Mrs Tembe and her marvellous cherry cake.

Well done, both of you.

Max!

Oi!

I think you should have the mixer, Mrs Tembe.

What? Really?

When you've found me such a lovely housemate,

it doesn't seem right.

Well, I wanted to win, but fair and square.

Well, you did, in a way.

Our cake was a joint effort.

Really, we should have been disqualified.

It wouldn't do Neil's reputation much good

with the university.

No. No, no, no, it would not.

And you are right, you really should have been disqualified

and I should have won.

(You know...

(I'm going to save your reputation,

(and I am going to take the mixer.

(No-one will be the wiser!)

-So sorry, excuse me.

-Well done.

-Thank you!

So happy.

Did she...?

What do you think you're doing?! Stop!

Stop this right now!

THEY GROAN

It's worse than we thought.

Nothing matches the anticipation of opening a book for the first time.

All I get is a monthly allowance, and I get to live here,

but only as a carer for the real owner.

I want you to help me find the true figures.

-You want me to spy on my boss?

-The boss who lied.

Come on, you saw the state Rosie was in on Friday night.