Scaredy-Cat Doctors

Hello, love.

Sorry, um...I didn't think you were back till tonight.

The conference finished yesterday.

The hotel was grim.

Poky room, dodgy Wi-Fi.

I thought I'd come home early.

-Was Amy all right?

-Yeah, fine. Hasn't run off with anyone,

didn't turn the house into a rave venue.

I don't think kids call them raves any more.

How was your hotel? How was your weekend?

-Lovely. Perfect.

-Good.

I'm just going to go and have a shower.

Glenda!

VALERIE CHUCKLES

Oh, it's so lovely to see you!

I am looking forward to having a lovely browse.

I'll show you.

Glenda. I see you have a friend here.

-Yes. Um...this is...

-Hello, I'm Valerie!

Yeah, I just popped in to see Glenda.

Well, this is all looking lovely.

Have you had a face-lift?

The shop, I mean, not you!

Hm-hm. Well, we do our best.

I really like the way it's all arranged.

That must be Glenda's magic touch.

It used to look awful. Just a muddle. You couldn't find anything.

Well, I hope you're not distracting Glenda from her work.

What are you doing?

S-Sorting new stock.

-Well, chop chop.

-I could give you hand.

I suppose that'll be all right. We are all rushed off our feet in here.

Peter? The jigsaws go next to the crockery.

I've told you before.

You reckon you could go to space alone?

Yes, please.

I'd be remembered forever as a hero.

A Martian hero.

They would rename St Phil's in my honour.

I don't think I could cope with the solitude.

Oh, I could. It would be the other people that'd drive me mad, though.

Imagine being stuck in a tiny space with someone who had BO,

-or flatulence.

-AL CHUCKLES

I'd rather not imagine that, thanks.

Anyway, they're looking for a couple, so it'd have to be you and Zara.

Watch out for those heels in zero gravity.

THEY LAUGH

We couldn't leave the kids behind.

Exactly. What do you do if you have children?

I think it's mad, sending a couple.

Probably kill each other by the time you got there.

My point exactly. Which is why when I go, I'm going to go alone.

You, alone?

You, more than any of us, would need somebody else.

If you didn't have someone to take the mickey out of

or...or argue with, you'd fall apart.

-That is absolutely not true, Daniel.

-Prove it.

I bet you that you can't last till the end of the lunch

without speaking to someone.

-I think I just heard the word bet.

-Mm.

-Right, how much?

Ten quid.

You're on. Shake my hand.

Look me in the eye. Ten quid.

Yeah. No cheating.

No e-mails, no texting, no phoning, no social media.

Turning my phone off...now.

THEY CHUCKLE

I found that in the bedroom.

It's the hotel booking. You can chuck it.

You and Emma had a double room.

Yeah, we did.

Not just any double room, a suite.

Well, Emma booked it and they offered to upgrade us.

They even gave us a fruit basket and a bottle of wine.

Why did you feel the need to share?

Well, you know what single hotel rooms are like.

Tiny, no view. You get the worst of everything.

So we thought, why not share one really nice room

instead of two rubbish ones?

So, you shared a double bed?

King size, actually.

We wanted to raid the minibar and talk late into the night.

Right, so, it was a slumber party?

Yes, basically.

You and Emma seem to have gotten very close.

Yeah. I suppose we have.

I've missed having a really good female friend.

You know, since Sarah moved to Australia.

I'd love to get to know her properly.

Well, you shall. Let's have her over for dinner.

OK. Good idea.

I'm volunteering four days a week now. Monday to Thursday.

-And you work back here all the time?

-Yes.

I found it very difficult being on the tills,

talking to customers.

I was so slow and they'd be impatient.

Eleanor's right, I'm useless there.

So I do this. I like it. It's interesting.

You never know what you're going to find.

Do you know, actually, I could use a new coat.

-Are these ones priced up?

-Yes.

Eleanor's started letting me do the pricing.

I love the way you've arranged them.

They're all nicely colour-coded.

It's so much better sorting them by colour.

From darkest to lightest, and by size, of course.

-It draws the eye.

-This one's lovely.

Hm! Very distinguished.

Oh, that looks great!

Yeah? It's perfect. Hm!

Right. Five pounds.

Let me pay you while I remember.

Mm-hm.

-Thank you.

-There we go.

THEY CHUCKLE Ow!

Ooh, there's something in the pocket.

-Oh.

-Is it real gold?

Yes. You can do that with real gold because it's actually quite soft.

-And there's a hallmark, too.

-Oh, yeah.

What have you found?

-It was in a coat.

-What? Speak up.

In a coat.

I can't hear a word she says, can you?

It was in a coat.

Valuable items must be put away for safekeeping.

Problem?

Well, it's just it was in a pocket.

What if someone left it there by accident?

Well, they should have been more careful.

But what if they didn't mean to give it away?

Shouldn't we find the owner and just check?

No. They donated the coat,

whatever is in the pocket belongs to us. Finders keepers.

That's not really fair.

Oh, Glenda, you are still not arranging that as I've shown you.

You will have to redo it all before it goes into the shop.

I think we should find the rightful owner and try and give it back.

I think we can. I've got a system.

Yes.

I am so very sorry.

Well, I will tell him immediately.

No. No, you must not worry.

Goodbye.

SHE EXHALES

Let me look at the coat.

It is nice. Expensive.

All the other clothes with it were good quality.

There was a silk shirt, a dress, a linen jacket.

-How do you remember all that?

-I just do.

And it came on a Wednesday.

Two weeks ago, I think. It was raining.

So we need the Wednesday file.

Red for Monday, green for Tuesday, yellow for Wednesday.

You write down everything that comes in?

Of course. In the big book.

And I write it on the forms, and they go in this file.

When we send the charity bags out, we put a form in for people's names,

addresses and phone numbers so we can reclaim tax. So...

Mrs J Talbot, 36 Magnolia Crescent, Kingsvale.

-We could walk there.

-You're going now?

I'm on a mission of mercy. You coming?

We can describe the brooch to her, or I can draw her a little picture.

Or we could just take the brooch with us.

It's in Eleanor's drawer. We mustn't go into Eleanor's drawer!

We are doing the right thing, morally.

GLENDA CHUCKLES

Come on, then. Let's be cat burglars!

THEY CHUCKLE

KNOCK AT DOOR

KNOCK AT DOOR

Oh, Dr Haskey.

I, er...I need to speak to you.

I have just had a phone call.

You've lost me the bet. I'm in isolation, Mrs Tembe!

Your mother has been trying to call you, but your mobile phone has been switched off.

I'm...I'm really sorry to bring you such bad news, Dr Haskey.

What's happened?

-Al...?

-What's happened?

I am so sorry, but your father has passed away.

-You'll do the talking?

-Yeah.

She must be out.

No, look, someone's coming.

Whatever it is you're selling, I can't afford it.

Oh, we're not selling anything.

We're from SCOLD. The cat charity.

Society for the Cats Of the Letherbridge District.

You don't really need the district bit, it's just so you get a D,

otherwise it would just be SCOL.

What is it you want?

Are you wearing my coat?

Yes. I bought it. It's lovely. You've got very good taste.

Anyway, um...when you donated it, this was in the pocket.

What is this, some sort of sick joke?

No, we just thought that you might want...

Why have you brought it back?

I never wanted to see it again, that's why I gave it away!

What is wrong with your friend?

Oh, social anxiety, mostly.

She gets attacks.

Just...just try to breathe. Just stay calm.

Everything is going to be OK.

Sorry, can I bother you for a paper bag?

SHE SIGHS

It was, er...very sudden.

A stroke, your mother said.

What do I do?

I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

Go to your mother. She needs you.

I can't.

Do not worry, I will re-allocate all of your patients.

You need to be with your mother at a time like this.

Yeah. She'll need help organising the, er...practical things.

There'll be all my dad's stuff.

Phone her.

You need to speak to each other.

Would you like me to tell the rest of the staff?

Yeah. Yeah, please. Do you mind?

No, no, not at all.

I am so, so sorry.

Thank you, Mrs Tembe.

I'm doing a wash.

Have you got anything?

Sorry, we haven't introduced ourselves.

My name is Valerie and this is Glenda.

Named after Glenda Jackson. Her dad was a big fan.

I'm sorry we upset you. We didn't mean to, honestly.

It's just that we thought you might want the brooch back.

Yes, well, you weren't to know.

It was given to me by a man.

Well, if you want to talk about it...

Have you got a cat?

There's a scratching post in the hall.

We've both got cats. Huh! That's how we met, actually.

I had taken Geoffrey to the vet's

and Glenda was there with Fred and Ginger.

I did have. Pixie.

I gave her away. Um...she's with my sister now.

Because of the brooch man?

You don't have to tell us.

Why not? It couldn't be more humiliating.

I was alone.

My husband dumped me some years ago for a woman half his age.

The kids were grown up and gone.

I never expected anyone to be interested in me again.

And then I met Richard.

-So, what happened?

-He asked me to marry him.

And he had this investment opportunity.

He just needed some start-up money, so I...

I cashed in my pension pot and gave him £50,000.

As soon as he got it, he vanished. I never saw him again.

-You informed the police?

-Of course.

The police, Interpol.

No-one knows where he is.

They don't even think his name was Richard.

I should've given his stuff away years ago,

but I couldn't even bear to go anywhere near it.

And then I got this bag through the door, a cat charity.

Richard was very allergic to cats, that's why I gave Pixie away.

If he went near one, he'd start wheezing, swelling up.

Now he's gone, you could get Pixie back.

Well, I suppose I could.

Um...take the brooch.

I really don't want it.

And if it raises money for cats, at least it's doing some good.

I'm going to cook tonight.

I'm going to make to make a tagine, your favourite.

I found this. Where did you get it, a lingerie party?

Actually, I bought it online.

What about it?

Anyone would've thought you're having an affair.

Well, they'd be wrong.

I went away for the weekend with Emma.

-What on earth makes you think...?

-The look on your face when you came in this morning.

You didn't go away with Emma.

You don't book a luxury suite

and buy stuff like that for a girlie weekend.

-You might.

-No.

You're having an affair with another man.

Tell me the truth.

I am not having an affair with another man.

You say you found it. How did you find it?

I was doing laundry. It was in your bag.

Can you listen to yourself? Do you know how paranoid you sound?

Something is up with you, something's different.

You don't buy underwear like that.

Sexy underwear, you mean.

You don't have to dress up to turn me on.

Actually, it was Emma's idea.

How?

Since the cancer, I have felt very differently about my body.

And I pretend I'm fine, but inside, I feel broken.

I thought I was never going to feel sexy again.

And Emma's helped me, given me back my confidence.

And that's why I bought it, to help me get my mojo back.

Look...

..I know I have pushed you away.

It wasn't you.

I felt it.

But I thought if I could just feel better about myself,

then it wouldn't just help me, it would help us.

I'm sorry. I genuinely thought...

Oh, it doesn't matter.

It does. Look, you should've said something.

Everything is going to be all right.

LOW CHATTER

I need a word with both of you.

You found a valuable piece of jewellery that's been donated...

-Yes, well...

-..and you took it. You stole it.

No, we didn't. We tried to take it back to the owner, but...

You also stole a coat!

The coat, in fact, you're wearing.

It is despicable. I mean, stealing from a charity!

I didn't steal it.

I paid Glenda the five pounds.

And did Glenda put that in the till?

-I forgot.

-A likely story!

It's true. And, anyway, we've brought the brooch back, so...

-Then where is it?

-Well, it...

No, it was here, so it...it... Oh!

Oh, wait. A-ha!

It got caught in the lining.

Theft, plain and simple.

It was theft the minute you took this out of the shop without asking permission.

I am calling the police.

Well, I am calling Mrs Talbot!

She will explain everything.

I'll cook tonight. You take it easy.

Amy will be starving, you know what she's like.

Still, at least she's eating, not on some stupid diet.

Steven, I need to talk to you.

There is your cup of tea, just the way you like it.

Now, there are some biscotti somewhere.

I've been thinking, this is my fault.

Of course it isn't. How could it be?

Well, you seemed to be coping and I assumed you were.

I've been taking you for granted.

I'm not going to any more.

I'm going to look after you, yeah?

We should go away together.

Not just for a weekend, for a week. Just the two of us.

Prague maybe, Venice.

Hey, we can reconnect.

Sorry.

I can't do this any more.

You're right.

I am having an affair.

With Emma.

SHE SOBS

I didn't plan it. Neither of us did.

It just happened.

And it's wonderful.

-SHE SOBS

-I love her!

-There.

-SHE SOBS

You wanted the truth, that's the truth.

SHE SOBS

I can't go to prison. Who'd look after Fred and Ginger?

Glenda, calm down. Don't worry.

No-one is going to prison.

Look, this was my idea. I talked Glenda into it.

So if you want to blame anyone, blame me.

Oh, thank goodness!

Mrs Talbot, look, we've been accused.

Glenda's in trouble. You have to tell her.

Tell her what? Sorry, you weren't being very clear on the phone.

-About the brooch.

-Can I help? I'm the shop manager.

These ladies found a brooch in some things I'd donated.

Um...they tried to give it back to me.

I told them I didn't want it.

This brooch?

-Yes.

-See?

Unless you're all in on it together.

Are you always this rude to people who donate?

Yes, she is.

And she's...she's called the police.

Well, I'll be happy to explain to them, if they turn up.

Thank you for sorting it out, but clearly, we need to be careful.

Well, we wouldn't want anyone wrongly accused, or upset.

Thanks. You can go.

Well, I can see you've obviously got so many other customers to deal with(!)

Actually, if you've got a cat-carrier, I'll buy it.

-No, we haven't.

-Are you going to get Pixie back?

-Yes, I am.

-Thank you.

Yes, thank you.

And I'm so glad.

You two have inspired me.

I'm going to have a complete clear-out and get rid of everything else he gave me.

-I don't think I'll be bringing it here.

-Hm!

Right. Now, er...drink this. It will fortify you.

Hm.

Al, take as much leave as you need, OK?

I really think you should not drive, Dr Haskey.

Someone else should drive for you.

-I'll do it.

-How will that work?

Well, I can drive you down in your car.

How will you get back?

OK, er...I'll drive down in my car.

No, I'll need my car when I'm down there.

OK, well, we'll both take our own cars and we'll go in convoy.

That means that Dr Haskey's still driving.

OK, this...this is silly.

Thank you for the tea

and thank you so much for the sympathy, but it's fine.

Oh, Ayesha. I almost forgot.

Um...here you go, £10 there.

-What?

-You won the bet fair and square. Come on.

No. I'm not taking your money.

OK.

Um...Mrs Tembe, for your, er...food bank thingy.

Well, thank you, Dr Haskey, that is very generous.

Right. Um...OK.

I thought I'd just send some e-mails and then I'll be offski. Is that OK?

-OK.

-Al?

Please take care of yourself.

Will do. It's, er...something I'm very good at.

All right, excitement's over, everybody back to work.

-No.

-What?

-No.

-Speak up, I can't hear you.

I said no.

That's the money Valerie gave me for the coat.

-See, I told you I paid.

-And I'm leaving. I resign.

You can't. You're lucky to be a volunteer here.

No-one else would have you.

And nobody would give you a paid job.

Well, I don't care. I'm not working for you any more.

I thought I could make this shop beautiful,

but you won't change anything, you drive all the customers away.

You're a...vindictive, bullying tyrant.

And you don't even like cats!

So you can take your job and shove it up your...

..up your...

bottom!

You heard that all right, did you?

Yes.

I'll cook dinner.

Amy will be hungry, even if we're not.

By the way, when are you going to tell her and Marcus?

I don't know. I hadn't thought.

You'd better start thinking if we're going to get divorced.

I don't want to get a divorce!

I don't want to leave you, or the kids.

-Steven, I know you're angry...

-You reckon?

Look, I never meant to hurt you.

What happened with me and Emma is so new.

I mean, it's not like we've made plans.

That's why I wanted to talk to you,

to see if we could work something out.

Like what?! Best of both worlds?

I do the housework, do the laundry and look after the family

while you swan off on a mini-break with your bit on the side?

Would you be happy if I did that to you?

No, of course not.

-I've never cheated on you!

-I know.

When you had cancer, most blokes would've run a mile, at least been useless.

I coped. Supported you. Held us together.

And now you're better, it's,

"Oh, thanks, Steven, I don't need you any more, you can get lost".

Look, I know you don't deserve this, and I'm sorry.

-But I cannot help the way I feel.

-No.

You don't get to play happy families and have Emma.

You choose right now, me or her?

And if it's her, you pack your bags and get out.

What are you going to do? Long-term, I mean.

Get another job, even if it's unpaid.

Get used to working with people.

Well, you should use your skills.

You've got a great eye for design and a photographic memory.

I haven't, have I?

Yes, you have! The way you remember things and associate things.

But everyone does that, don't they?

No, they don't. I could never do that.

There must be some paid jobs that would pay for those skills.

Well, I'm good at organising things.

Maybe if it was cataloguing stuff.

A library, maybe, or an art gallery, a museum.

Well, even if it was an unpaid job,

there are lots of nicer places to work than SCOLD.

The others were OK, mostly, it was just Eleanor.

Mm. She would make an excellent pantomime villain.

Oh, no, she wouldn't.

Oh, yes, she would!

THEY LAUGH

Do you know, if you can cope with her, you can cope with anyone.

That's true.

VALERIE CHUCKLES

Er...Dr Haskey.

They are lilies.

They are from all of us. And, er...there is also a card.

I have put some moist tissue on them so they will survive the journey.

-Just make sure you put them in water as soon as you arrive.

-OK.

You are in my thoughts and in my...

Well, you are in all of our thoughts.

Thank you.

Go.

Oh! Damn, I've missed him!

I got stuck with a patient.

Do you think I should go around there?

Oh, no, no. He's going straight to his mother's.

Oh. I'll phone him later, then.

Emma!

Lena. What's the matter?

LENA SOBS

Steven's thrown me out.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know where to go. Oh, Emma!

It's all right.

LENA SOBS

Come on. Ssh.

Look at you, all grown up.

Is there someone you're scared of?

-Argh!

-Fight! Fight!

-Come on, Danni!

-Get on the floor!

-PANICKED SHRIEKS

-No!

-Stop the car! Just stop it!

Out! This is the last time I'm going to ask you nicely.

-Is everything all right with Lena?

-How do you mean?

-I heard she and her husband have split up.

-Oh. Right.