14/01/2013 EastEnders

What is all the noise about?

Your sister's ill. Right, there you go.

Right, put your head up. Well done.

What's wrong with you, then?

I'm going to fail.

You are not going to fail.

Well, I haven't slept, my head is killing me -

how am I meant to do two exams like this?

Don't be like that.

Lauren, would you go to the shop, get some paracetamol?

Mum, I've just woken up.

Ooh, I'm sorry, are we making you late for work?

-I don't mind going.

-You can't. You haven't got time.

-Are you all right to take Oscar to the dentist later?

-Why, where are you going?

-I've got an auction. I told you.

-Did you? I don't remember.

Well, I did.

I'll see you later.

ABI SIGHS Abi, good luck, baby.

If I mess up these exams, I don't get the grades.

And if I don't get the grades, I don't get into uni. And then I end up...

-Oh, like me?

-Do you want a hot lemon and honey, yeah?

No, that won't make a difference!

I might have some ibuprofen upstairs.

You going to stand there all day or what?

Come on, Kat, don't worry about 'em. It's only a job.

-Yeah.

-Oi, you're late.

What are you going to do? Dock my wages on my first day?

Here, listen, don't worry about her.

If she says anything, I have no problem knocking her spark out.

No, Bianca, leave it. It's not worth it.

Come on, let's go, it's freezing.

What's the matter, you got lead in your boots?

SHE SIGHS

SNORING

You have a bed. This is not it.

HE GASPS, SHE CHUCKLES

That was cold.

And gin.

Is this your plan, huh?

-Woo the girl with your naked flesh?

-Zee?

-Can you come in here and sort your brother out?

-What have I done?

What have...? You think this is acceptable?

Parading around in your smalls, corrupting an innocent girl?

Is everything OK?

Hello, good morning, Ayesha! Everything's fine. We're just...

This is us starting our day off. It's a Masood family tradition.

-Would you like to go and help yourself to some breakfast?

-OK.

OK. Masood, can you go with her?

Keep her as far away as possible from that.

Ayesha...

Is that my jumper?

I-I didn't know it was yours. I was cold.

-Do you want it back?

-Oh, er... No, no, no. You...keep it on.

I... I... I've got to get Kamil ready for nursery. I...

They ain't got any plasters.

Keep an eye on him. You stay with your uncle Jack, all right?

-All right, mate?

-Is he all right?

Yeah, he'll be fine.

Magic Sponge in my day.

That before they invented antiseptic, was it?

Did you fall? Let's see what I've got for you.

You've got a way with kids, have you?

How about...one of these?

-What do you think you're doing?

-I'm trying to help.

What, by choking him?

I'll leave it to the boys, then, shall I?

I can see you two are more than capable.

Let's have a look at you.

TELEVISION PLAYS

Oh, are my eyes still red?

No, darling. Stop worrying, you look fine. It's going to be fine.

Pure Cod 1 and Pure Cod 2.

You know those modules back to front. I know you do.

-Mum, it's Pure Core, not Cod.

-You know what I mean.

The point is, I'm very, very proud of you.

-Mum...

-What? Can't a mother tell her daughter how proud she is?

-That not very cool, no, in 2013?

-Good luck, Abs.

Thanks.

Good luck! Right, give us a call, soon as you've finished,

-tell us how it went, all right? Bye-bye, darling.

-See you.

-BOTH: See you.

-Bye. Oh, bless her.

-She'll be all right, though, won't she?

-Of course she will. She'll be fine.

She's going to go far with her brains, goodness me.

MOBILE RINGS

Oh, hello, Lola.

Oh, dear.

Oh, right. Um...

do you think you could make it in maybe for the afternoon?

No, Poppy's on a course.

All right, yep, OK, just give us a call if you feel better.

All right, then. Bye, Lola. Bye.

Ohh. Happy Monday, Tanya(!)

I could go in, help you out.

I don't think that's a very good idea, do you?

Why not? Is it just Abi that you're proud of?

Why does it have to be AJ that she likes? Of all the people in all the whole world...

We don't know it's AJ. Not for sure. I'm not convinced it's AJ.

Who else could it be? Face it, that girl has terrible taste in men.

I mean, why couldn't she just like our Tamwar? You know, he's young,

he's virile, his legs are far more shapely than AJ's...

Did AJ have rickets as a child?

What have I done?

Oh, unbelievable!

Can we just take a second and talk about this calmly? Er...

Where are you going?

-I've been put to work.

-It's nice to go out, isn't it?

I'm looking forward to it.

-You sort your brother out, OK?

-MOBILE RINGS

I want to put an end to this lusting once and for all.

Bruv, bruv, tell him I'm sick!

Has she said anything to you? Ayesha?

Has she said anything about...?

About?

All right, forget it. Just stay out of the way, OK?

MOBILE RINGS

HE GROANS

You all right? You been up to see Tommy?

Yeah. Couldn't prise him away from Jean, though.

Little love.

-Bianca's doing out the front...

-OK.

-..and I'm doing the back.

Division of labour. It's good.

Kat, I don't want things to be awkward between us,

-you know, after last week.

-No. They won't. They won't.

Listen, I know it's not much,

but it's not every day someone turns 50, so...

Oi, you, shut your trap!

-Ray needs to start prepping in here in a minute, OK?

-Right, yeah.

-You got everything you need?

-Yes, thank you.

SHE SIGHS

Perfect. Thank you. Yeah. We'll see you then.

Thursday at four.

OK, bye. Bye.

There you go. Well done. So you've...

Oh, you've booked her in for Wednesday at four o'clock.

That's the Wednesday column there. Oh, never mind.

Give her a call, rebook. Hello, love.

Hi. Hello.

Oh, I thought we were meeting for lunch?

Yeah. Yeah, we are, babe.

-Look, Fats wants us to go down the pub later. You up for it?

-Mrs Dickinson, hi,

it's Lauren again from Booty's. Yeah.

(I'm really busy, Joey.)

Yeah, basically, I'm really sorry about this,

but Thursday we're actually fully booked.

I know. Would you be able to come in on Wednesday?

Yep, same time, four o'clock.

Perfect. Thank you. Thank you, bye.

Ahh!

Ayesha, if you're going to do it, do it properly.

-You're going to have to help her...

-What is going on?

She's gone mad.

Did you speak to him?

It's a little bit more delicate than we thought.

If you're not going to deal with this, then I will.

I've spoken to AJ - he's not in the business of encouraging her.

-So let me just speak to Ayesha and get her side of the story.

-I'll tell you how the story ends.

If you keep pushing, you will drive them further together.

We've all read Romeo And Juliet.

Oh!

Ayesha, grab your coat. Early lunch.

-Don't you dare let me down.

-All right.

-Where did you get this? It's a death trap.

-I borrowed it.

I didn't know it was going to break down. Mum, where are you going?

Walking. To my interview. Thanks for that(!)

Yeah, I think it's just one of those 24 hour things, you know.

Just a quiet day in bed. Oh, cheers, Phil.

OK, I'll see you tomorrow.

Oi, listen, mate, is there a garage around here?

TABLE CREAKS

Sorry, was that you?

-No.

-Table leg.

Easy mistake.

Table leg, real leg.

I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.

Me? Uncomfortable? No. HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

Uncle-Ji...

What I do need to know...is...erm...

..the leg...the caressing...

It wasn't for me, was it?

Oh.

OK.

Wow. Erm...

You know Zainab thinks you have feelings for AJ?

You mean throwing water over Uncle AJ isn't a Masood family tradition?

I didn't...plan for it, if that makes sense?

No, it doesn't. Explain it to me.

I can't.

Uncle-Ji, I don't even understand it myself.

Well...maybe I do understand it.

-You lost your father very suddenly...

-This isn't about my father.

I know, I'm not saying it is, but subconsciously it might be.

Ayesha, I remember my first crush.

I was about 10 or 11.

I was in the playground and my friend comes over to me and he says, "Meera loves you."

My heart started to beat faster and I started to sweat,

and then I looked over, and...

..there she was,

just staring right back at me,

this beautiful thing, just...

..just staring.

What did you do?

I ran away. SHE LAUGHS

Ayesha, what I'm trying to say is...

..people react differently to situations and events.

You've been through a huge trauma. Whether you realise it or not,

you still have to come to terms with it.

Thank you...for being so nice.

-Have you spoken to your dad today?

-Relax, Mum. He's at that auction.

Yeah. Right, I shouldn't be any later than three o'clock.

Unless you want to take Oscar to the dentist?

-Cos you don't trust me here?

-No. Of course I...trust you.

I might not be taking my two maths exams today, Mum,

but I am capable of answering a phone.

I'm going. I'll see you.

See you.

You OK?

Look, you made a mistake. We all make mistakes.

Let's say no more about it and I'll sort things out with Zee.

I'll be discreet.

Dessert?

Why not?

Thank you, Masood.

You're a very kind man.

(Masood.)

You're having a laugh. I ain't helping you.

-Stop being stupid. Abi said you would.

-Speaking to you now, is she?

-Yeah, she is.

-When did you speak to her?

-Just a minute ago.

Nice one - she's in the exam and her phone's off.

Listen, you'll have to get this out of here - I've got a cam belt change due in.

-What, you run this place by yourself?

-Yeah. Most of the time.

Sometimes. Well, not really. What's it to you?

Look, let me use the kit and I'll give you a hand with the cam belt.

And what do you know about cars?

Enough to know it'll be quicker if I help. Deal?

Finally. Working isn't all late starts and early breaks, you know. Here.

It's not AJ.

What? Then who? Who is it?

Zee, we have to let this one go. She's been through a terrible time.

You know, all this - the letter, the lusting - it's classic displacement.

Classic displacement...?

-You know who it is, don't you?

-Sorry, guys, on lunch shift. Cheers.

-Either you tell me or I'm going to go ask her myself.

-It's Ray.

What, him?!

Yeah. It's just a small crush, Zee.

Just promise me you won't say anything.

-Ray?!

-Zee!

OK, fine, I promise.

The sooner that we find her a respectable man,

the sooner I can relax.

Come on, put some muscle into it!

Abi called. And she said the two exams went really well.

She's answered all the questions so she's feeling much better.

That's good, isn't it? Oh, where did you find that?

Does it matter where I found it?

No, of course not. It's not like it's a secret or anything.

It was just a little chat with my old nurse.

Went well, did it?

Yeah. Yeah, it was good.

So how come when you were meant to be at the hospital last Wednesday,

you were giving Roxy Mitchell a pedicure?

Yes, it turns out I can use the booking system, after all.

Well, it was a mistake, wasn't it?

Probably. I mean, you made one yourself this morning.

You see how easy it is.

PHONE RINGS

Are you going to answer that?

Lauren, I'm not going to get into this with you.

Honestly, you wouldn't understand,

-it was just a little chat with my old nurse.

-RINGING CONTINUES

Well, are you going to make another appointment?

Are you going to answer the phone?

RINGING CONTINUES

Good afternoon, Booty's. How can I help you?

Yes, of course. What day would be good for you?

Let me have a look for you.

Yeah, that should be fine. What sort of time?

Zee, do I really need to be doing this on my day off?

If I want the regional manager's job, then I have to show initiative,

and this is initiative.

This is slave labour.

Zainab, I ain't being funny, but this milk is two days old.

-You have got some nerve.

-Have I?

-Mum...

-You think I don't know that the Vic has its own special delivery of milk every morning?

-We ran out. What's the problem?

-Zee, give him his refund.

That poor girl has been through an unimaginable ordeal, all right?

So you are just a rebound. Nothing more than that, OK?

-So this tiptoeing courtship of yours, it can end any time.

-What?

-What? You think I like him?

-SHE LAUGHS

-You can drop the act, Ayesha, we read the letter, we know you like him.

-Oh!

You read my letter?

-Not on purpose.

-What letter?

I think there's been a... misunderstanding.

Well, actually, you are kind of cute.

-Hey!

-All right, that's enough!

I think it's time for you to go.

-Zainab is sorry about the milk.

-I am not!

-And that money's for you. Please don't talk to Ayesha like that again.

-All right.

-Thank you. Sorry.

Somebody needs to tell me exactly what is going on here.

Kat, what are you doing?

This was supposed to be done two hours ago.

Yeah, I'll get the swing of it by tomorrow.

Bianca's just finishing off in the toilets. Hello, Amy.

-Hey, darling, what you got there?

-Amy, you ready?

-Um... She's got one of Tommy's toys.

-Has she? That's nice.

-Amy, come on, let's go.

-Amy, hold on a minute, darling.

Don't tell my daughter what to do, OK?

Yeah, well, if you didn't let her take Tommy's toys, I wouldn't have to. Can I have that?

Amy, you go wait and in the bar for Mummy, OK? Go on. Be a good girl.

All right, now, that is enough.

-I don't know who you think you are.

-Really?

-Yeah, really!

Oi, oi, what's with the racket, eh?

Nothing. I was just getting Tommy's toy back from Amy, that's all.

-OK, so what's the problem, then?

-ROXY LAUGHS

-What are you smirking at?

-Kat, don't start, darling, all right?

-Look at her - giving orders like she's the Queen of Sheba.

-You know what?

All I've done is be nice to you

-and all you've done is come in here shouting the odds again.

-Yeah?

-Well, you can stick your nice and you can stick your job!

-Good.

-Can you believe that? Can you believe that?!

-Let it go, Rox.

-You get Jean back here, all right? Cos she's gone and the other one's gone as well, all right?

-Sssh!

Stop shouting. Calm down.

It's not worth it, all right? Just... Come on.

Let it go, yeah?

I don't care that she didn't tell me, just lying to my face - that's pathetic.

It's like she don't remember what happened last time.

Well, why don't you go and talk to her, eh?

No, I'm done talking now.

FRONT DOOR OPENS

-Sorry, I didn't know there was anyone in.

-You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Yeah, you were right, your valve stem oil seal's knackered.

-Oh. Can you get one at trade price?

-Over my dead body.

Phil, do you know Dexter?

No, I don't. Is he paying?

No, I didn't think so. Now, get this motor out of here and get cracking on what I pay you to do.

-Hold on, can I just say...?

-No, you can't say anything.

-Excuse me? Is there a problem?

-And you are?

No, it's all right, Mum. I got this.

Mummy to the rescue. Do me a favour!

Listen, old man, I don't know who you are or what you want.

-I own this place.

-Then you should be thanking me for helping out Jay.

I'll thank you when you pay me some money.

I've got money. How much is it?

Mum, what's wrong with you? Put it away, man, we ain't got it. I'm dealing with it.

So what do you know about motors?

I watch Top Gear every week.

-No, I'm joking. I could strip these in my sleep.

-All right.

You come back tomorrow and you pay me back in time.

Now, get this place cleaned up.

So how was the interview, Mum?

Yeah, fine. Did he just offer you a job?

Stop crowding me!

But it smells so good.

-You won't be able to smell anything in a minute if you don't back up!

-Everything all right, Zee?

I don't know, why don't you ask Ray?

OK, I'm still a bit confused as to what actually happened.

-Yes, that makes two of us.

-Here, you - make yourself useful.

So she doesn't actually like Ray but she wrote him a letter?

No, she didn't.

Why would she like Ray, anyway?

OK, sure, you look at Ray and you think, "Ooh, steak,

"sirloin, meaty." Am I right, Zainab?

-Huh?

-But after steak, you feel bloated, cheap. Ayesha is classy.

-She's more...sushi than steak.

-All right.

Look, can we just respect her privacy, please? Just a little?

Thank you, Masood. This is what I'm saying.

A piece of skirt like that deserves respect, innit?

-I'm all about the feminism. I bet that letter was proper dirty, though.

-Oi, that's enough!

-Give me a taster...

-ZAINAB CLEARS HER THROAT

Oh. Hi.

AJ CLEARS HIS THROAT

How are you?

I wanted some water.

And instead you got an earful from a Neanderthal. All of you, out, please.

Will you just help me finish laying the table, please?

That means now, Tam. Let's go.

-Out.

-OK!

Ah, isn't that nice?

Finally some peace and quiet.

It's why I like to cook. You know, it gives me some me time,

some time to just relax... in private.

Which is what you have here, Ayesha. You have privacy...

if you want it.

But if you leave things lying about like that, then, you know...

I understand. Thank you.

CUTLERY RATTLES

Yeah, yeah, you know, that skirting board,

that's going to need replacing.

These are on me.

No, they ain't.

It's just a drink.

-What?

-Why don't you go home, eh? Go and see your wife.

You know, the other one.

See you later.

-Service that bad, is it?

-In what world do you think this ends well?

So there were, like, 15 of us, right...

-15? Wow.

-Yeah, and there were four modules to complete.

And at the end they gave us this, like, little USB with all the presentations on.

You know what? I think I've got it in here somewhere. It's so cool.

And the guy who was, like, running it all,

he said I had a natural talent.

Oh, you see? That is my baby. Look at you.

-Now, you see this guy?

-Mmm.

-He wasn't sexier than Fats, was he?

How could he be sexier than you?

Oh, you sexy little thing, you.

Come here. You're so beautiful. You're so clever.

-POPPY GIGGLES

-Look at your hair, so shiny.

Lauren, how drunk are you? Eh?

Just get me the same again.

Actually, no, I'll have slimline this time, yeah? Thank you.

You all right?

May I be excused?

-So when do I get to see this letter?

-Good day at work, was it?

-I was ill.

-You were hungover.

Excuse me.

Ayesha? Er...

Zainab found the letter. We weren't rooting around.

And I'm really sorry about that whole Ray thing.

It's not your fault. You were just protecting us.

Was I? Yeah, well, I suppose I was.

Thank you, Masood.

You know, for not telling Aunty-Ji who the letter was really for.

Yes, that's because you said it didn't mean anything.

So why not tell her the truth?

Because there's no truth to tell.

Listen, Ayesha, I've tried to be nice and understanding about all this,

but whatever you're feeling, it's not real, and it has to end now. Do you understand?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Who is it?

It's Bianca.

You all right?

You're lucky I didn't keep it all for myself.

Cheers.

She paid us for a full day.

And, yeah, I got the sack and all.

I'm sorry, Bianca.

It's all right. Look, you left these.

Oh.

I forgot about them.

None of this would have happened if you'd have just let me knock her out.

BOTH LAUGH

-Roxy wasn't really up for talking about any kind of pay-off, but I got this.

-She gave it to you?

No, but finders keepers, I say.

I'll get the glasses.

-Where did you get Cora's keys from?

-They're not Cora's, they're Poppy's.

-You nicked them? Lauren, she's going to notice.

-Yes, well, we'd better be quick, then.

Oh, I say.

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