10/07/2014 EastEnders

Well, say something.

Is this a wind-up?

Can't be that much of a surprise.

-We always said we wanted four.

-Yeah, I know.

-I know we never got round to it, but I mean, think about it.

Don't you miss it?

That fresh baby smell, those little fingers grabbing yours,

-that love?

-And the endless sleepless nights,

and the spew all over your clobber, and the dirty nappies everywhere.

You really mean it, don't you?

Um...

Where's this coming from, L?

It was a long time ago.

Yeah, we were young and we struggled for years.

But we've got stability now. I'm only 37.

You're such a great dad.

I'm sorry L, no.

No. We've got our three.

This is our time now.

Water? You're letting the side down.

What I said earlier about being a bad mum...

I'm just not maternal. Some women aren't.

I've had the best day.

Me too.

I wish you were coming with me.

Listen, the way Lee's going, we're going to have grandkids soon anyway.

-You'll have plenty of nappies to change.

-I don't want to be a granny! You've not even considered it.

-Yes, because there's nothing to consider.

-So that's it?

You're just shutting it down, never mind what I want?

The kids are grown-up, they're going to be leaving home soon.

-Yeah! More like we'll never get rid of them.

-Do you want to?

L, I love having a houseful just as much as you

but we're not kids any more.

And I'm shattered running this place, let alone, like, having night feeds.

-You wouldn't have to do them. I'd do everything.

-So we'd just give up the pub, then, yes?

-You've got the kids to help you.

-You just said they'll be leaving.

What's this really about?

What happens when they do go?

What will I do without them?

Who will I be, if I'm not their mum?

L, come here.

And then who will I be? My mum?

Left with a pub to run, just waiting for the phone to ring,

guessing at what's going on in their lives?

L, they're not going anywhere.

They're not going anywhere, baby.

I have to go.

Message me when you're on the coach, yeah?

And when you get home. Tomorrow I could...

I could call you.

I really like you, Johnny, but your life is here. Uni, your family.

Yeah, but we could make it work.

We have to be realistic. We will be in different countries.

I want to come with you.

We should be celebrating.

Lee's come home in one piece.

Yes, they're going to leave us at some point but so what?

We've got years ahead of us.

Listen. It's a good thing!

It's a GOOD thing.

We can focus on each other. We can go on holidays.

Take up a bit of salsa dancing or something.

You've got two left feet.

You really don't want to be following another one around for the next 18 years, do you?

Nappies, teething and schools and puberty and...

You make it sound like they're a burden. I mean, is that how you feel?

-Cos you've done a great job of covering it up.

-They're not a burden, you know that.

If we have another one now, then we ain't going to be free

until we're in our, like... in our 50s.

We don't need a baby. We've got each other.

He's gone back to sleep.

Waking up in a strange house, no wonder the boy was upset.

And you should have seen yourself.

Leaping out of the chair the second you heard him cry.

Must be a terrible thing, not having a maternal bone in your body.

It's different.

You're too hard on yourself, woman.

Patrick, I never pretended to be a good mum.

Dean should have been brought up by my mother.

Then he'd have something to moan about.

Well, I've never heard you talk about her.

There's a reason for that.

When was the last time you saw her?

When I was 15.

What would you do if you see her now?

I don't know.

I don't think I'd be able to forgive her, though.

And here I am, hanging around Dean, waiting for forgiveness.

-Right hypocrite, aren't I?

-Sounds like it's too late for her, but Dean...?

Maybe it's not too late to sort things out with him.

Oi! You thieving old man!

Great minds think alike.

Just a little night cap. You two getting to know each other?

Bonding over booze. Seems to be the Carter way.

I'll leave you to it, then.

Nah, come and join us. Though I've got to warn you, this one can't handle his drink.

Shut up, what you talking about?

You wouldn't last five minutes out with my pals, mate, I tell ya.

Come on, Grandad, impart some pearls of wisdom upon the younger generation.

Nobody takes any notice of what I say.

That's a shame. Out in Afghanistan, the elders are held in esteem.

Valued for their knowledge.

Maybe I could go out there.

What and get blown up?

You ever killed anyone? Shot them?

He was in bomb disposal.

Yeah, but if we were shot at, we shot back, covered each other and that.

I try not to think about it too much, though, to be honest.

I used to follow your division, on the news,

find out what you were up to.

Not ashamed to say I said a prayer or two for you.

What about me?

You ever pray for me?

You've been mentioned, time to time. Yeah!

Means a lot to an old man, seeing his two grandsons sitting together.

Happy families, eh?

You don't seem too keen.

Well, I never had a positive association with the word "family".

Not like you, the perfect family.

What makes you think we're perfect?

What, seriously? Have you seen that photo in the kitchen

with you lot rolling around on the floor with the family pet -

might as well be a poster for family of the year.

Are you jealous or something?

Yeah. Yeah, I hold my hands up.

I probably am.

Must be great to have happy memories associated with your childhood.

You know how lucky we are?

And you want to risk having one that's a nightmare.

I just think it could be wonderful.

I'm not going to get any peace until I agree, am I?

No, you're not.

You lot still at it?

Yeah, Grandad's just telling us about working at Billingsgate.

-His old man worked there and all.

-Yeah. And his old man.

I did hope that Mick might follow suit, but he had other ideas.

You missed out there, Lee, you could have been fifth-generation.

I want you to promise me something.

You too, Nancy.

When I finally kick the bucket...

Cheerful(!)

I want to be cremated

and my ashes to be scattered over Billingsgate.

Oh, rancid! All over the fish!

Yeah, I thought about that when I was out in the Army.

You know, whether I wanted to be cremated or buried,

just in case.

When I was out there I wrote a letter for Mum and Dad to have,

in case the worst happened.

Ripped it up now, have you?

Yeah.

Well, we all thought we were prepared for death.

But you never can be, really, though, can you?

Then something like that happens to Lucy.

PHONE RINGS

You not going to answer that?

No.

Well...

..time I went up the wooden hill.

Night-night, Grandad.

-Night-night.

-Night.

He's all right for an old fart, ain't he?

"Scatter me ashes over the Thames cos I'm pure East End."

Oi, I reckon Shirley's all right and all, you know.

She'd definitely have your back in a fight.

Well, I'd swap her for your mum any day.

I knew he wouldn't answer.

-You could have left a message.

-Why?

If he doesn't want to talk tonight, there's always tomorrow.

Tomorrow, Patrick, he'll be exactly the same.

Oh.

-Oh...

-What?

Johnny should have been back by now.

What?

He was only walking Luca to the Tube. I'll text him.

He's only been gone half hour!

Yeah. Sorry, sorry.

Text him. Text him. Text him.

You're not going to be able to switch off until you do, so just...

-Hello.

-He seemed all right, old Luca.

-Yeah, he was all right.

-All right? You was all over him.

I had an Italian girl once. Didn't shave her pits. Wasn't a fan.

Drink there if you want one. Want a drink?

No, I'm all right, thanks.

Hey. Hey, Lee. Do you remember Johnny's 15th?

-Oh, yeah!

-That was epic!

-What happened?

Well, they decided to get me completely plastered,

then we played this very stupid game

involving a funnel and a plastic tube.

And Nancy was making these cocktails.

Yeah, they were pretty lethal.

Yeah, proper chucking his guts up all over the kitchen floor, mate.

And you shaved my eyebrows off!

Listen, eyebrows is nothing. I shaved a mate's hair off once.

That's standard in the Army.

Well, when I say mate, I kind of mean girlfriend.

No!

-Shut up!

-It's not my proudest moment, all right? You know, I was 17,

and in my defence I was very drunk.

And she'd cheated on me.

It's awful. I'm genuinely a bad person, aren't I?

THEY LAUGH

-It's hard!

-That is messed up!

I just want to check it was him coming in.

I know, I know I said I wouldn't fuss so much.

It's understandable. It's Johnny, innit?

It was like the longest week of my life on that ward.

Bad enough him being in an incubator, but you...

..having that infection.

Just...I couldn't go through that ever again.

Sitting there, watching the monitor...

..just praying for the tiniest little thing in the world,

just a little heartbeat.

You could just say you don't want another one!

-What?

-I know what you're doing! Agree with me to shut me up

and then remind me of the worst thing that's ever happened to us!

-No, no, I'm not. Listen. Where are you going?

-For a vodka.

It's not as if I'm pregnant, is it? Or ever likely to be again!

Wait! Listen. Listen to me!

LAUGHTER

He's completely mental!

Yeah. Never fall asleep when he's about!

Hello, you two. Get off all right, did he? Luca?

-Yeah.

-He really did seem a nice boy.

Did you get his address? You could write to him. Be pen pals.

Pen pals! Mum, you're priceless.

Well, as long as you had a nice time. Are you hungry?

There's loads of leftover party food downstairs,

-I could heat you some up.

-I'm not hungry, thanks.

You're always hungry! Nice bit of cake...

I'm hungry...in case you're interested! No.

-Hold on...

-Get off!

Where's all your love bites? I thought you'd be covered!

I haven't got any.

What's wrong?

-I'm just not going to see him again, am I?

-Yes, you are.

Nah. He said long-distance didn't work, I said I'd go with him...

I was ready to go with him.

What, tonight?

All right. What stopped you?

The sheer look of panic when I looked into his eyes.

Somehow I don't think that I was the kind of souvenir

he wanted to take back to Italy.

I feel a bit stupid. I couldn't accept it for what it was.

I must have looked like some love-struck cling-on!

He must be a really good kisser.

(What?! You had sex with him, didn't you?

(Where? Not in your room! Not under Linda Carter's roof!

(What was it like?

-(Was it how you thought it was going to be?)

-Yeah.

-Why didn't you go with him, then?

-Cos he's right.

It wouldn't work.

I think you're giving up too easily.

Thing is...as soon as I said it I got scared.

I'm not Lee, or Dean,

or even you.

I could have got in to a load of unis,

but I chose the one where I could live at home.

I couldn't just go abroad, leave home, leave you lot.

It just ain't me.

Aw, the boy!

Well, it's good for me. I'd only be doing all your shifts.

I'm so proud of you right now.

You know, this... business between you and Dean,

maybe - just maybe - you got him all wrong.

You reckon?

Look at this. He's a young man with no ties at all.

He could live anywhere in the world, but look where he is.

He don't want me, Patrick.

He chose to open up a business right on your doorstep.

That don't sound to me like somebody

who don't want to have anything at all to do with his mother.

So what are you saying?

Reach out to him before he ups and disappears from your life again.

Do you hear me?

You are the only thing stopping you.

Go on, please.

Do the right thing.

MUSIC: "Pretty Flamingo" by Manfred Mann

# On our block

# All of the guys

# Call her Flamingo

# Cos her hair glows like the sun

# And her eyes can light the sky

# When she walks

# She moves so fine

# Like a flamingo

# Her crimson dress that clings so tight

# She's out of reach

# And out of sight

# When she walks by

# She brightens up the neighbourhood

# Oh, every guy

# Would make her his

# If they just could

# If she just would... #

This is their song, we shouldn't be here.

What, this is? You've got to be kidding me.

I'm going upstairs anyway.

Yeah, I'll have a little smoke and then clear this lot up.

Here, Lee.

You're all right.

Oi!

-Just hear me out...

-Get your hands off me!

I don't want to fight with you any more, Dean.

I can't.

I know you'll never forgive me, no matter what I do,

no matter how many times I tell you that I'm sorry.

Finally, she gets it.

Having you back here,

it made me think I had another chance with you.

And then I realised something.

That even if I did, I'd probably just blow it like last time

and I wanted to tell you that...

I don't want to drive you away,

so I'm going to back off, do the right thing.

You don't want me to be your mum.

OK, then.

I won't be your mum any more.

Me and you are finished.

If that's what you want.

Good.

# Someday I'll make her mine. #

I hate the way I can't stay mad at you.

I love you.

It's going to be all right.

And if everybody disappeared tomorrow...

we'd be fine.

You say that, but you don't know.

Men get bored, have affairs.

Is that what this is about?

You think the minute the kids leave I'm going to have an affair?

It happens.

You could stop loving me, you could.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry - what planet is this on?

That is just ridiculous.

I will never stop loving you, you dozy little mare.

Don't, Mick, don't make fun of this.

Lee going off to be shot at, I coped with that.

It weren't easy, but I managed it.

And Johnny and Nancy,

yeah, I'll be gutted when they leave, but...

But you...

I couldn't survive without you.

So you thought that us having another kid

is what's going to keep me here?

More likely to make me run for the hills.

You are stuck with me

and you're always going to be my pretty flamingo.

The first time you called me that neither of us had even seen one.

I was just remembering that it was playing

when we got hitched and, erm...

So...

So maybe you'll stop worrying if...

..if we finally made it official.

So...

So, marry me, Linda.

Dean, right - proper nice bloke.

Feel a bit sorry for him though.

I don't get a mum walking out on her kids.

Yeah, Luca's parents chucked him out when they found out he was gay.

I never thought I'd be able to bring a bloke back here.

Do you reckon you're going to tell them about what you two got up to?

What's that?

Oh, yeah?

Good on you, mate!

Yeah. Actually Dad does know and... he's fine with it.

So he should be. But I don't think Mum will be, unfortunately.

Yeah, best keep Mum in the dark about that one, mate.

Are they still downstairs?

Think so. Why?

Just wondered.

We've always said we'd do it properly one day.

Are you saying that what we've had for the past 25 years ain't proper?

No, no. What I'm saying is,

I know you, and want your big white dress

and you want your church bells.

So suddenly you've got a spare 20 grand up your sleeve?

20 grand?

If I've got to tell the kids that we've never really been married

I'm having the wedding to end all weddings.

I don't need it, Mick.

My feelings ain't changed since I was 12,

wrapped in a sheet, pretending to be Lady Di.

Back of my dad's rotten old pub,

the stink of stale beer and fag ends everywhere.

Meant just as much to me as St Paul's would have done.

I feel exactly the same.

Then stop proposing!

Because every time you do it makes me doubt what we've got.

What we've had since we were kids.

So are you going to stop worrying

about me running off with another woman?

Because if it upsets you every time I propose,

how on earth do you think that makes me feel?

You, have been my L

since before me voice broke,

and you will be my L

when they nail us both into a coffin.

And I say both...

because I can't live without you.

We had the best wedding ever.

Lemonade and Smarties reception.

SHE LAUGHS

Come upstairs, come upstairs.

You go up.

And I'll switch off down here.

Just so you know,

I'll find that 20 grand.

And we will have the wedding

that everyone will be talking about for years. And do you know why?

Cos you're a pink fluffy bird.

SHE LAUGHS

# Some sweet day I'll make you mine...

# Pretty flamingo... #

How long have you been there?

Are you and Mick really not married?

Look, the kids don't know. Or Stan, or Shirley.

Hey...

..my lips...

..are sealed.

Please, Dean. You've got to forget what you heard.

I've forgotten already.

Thanks. And thanks for today,

you know, the decks and stuff.

Why couldn't I have had a mum like you?

DOOR CLOSES

HE SINGS TO HIMSELF

Ah, leave it out.

Ahoy! Don't you reckon this bed's a little bit too small

for the three of us, sweetheart, eh?

Eh?

Oi, liven yourself up.

You've had a long old day. Let's get you to bed.

Dad, I need to tell you something...

Yeah, I know. Listen, I love you too, my little love. Come on.

I've done something stupid.

Yeah, I reckon you've done about half a bar's worth of stupid.

Lucy...

What?

Lucy Beale.

Lee, what you talking about?

What... What? Lee!