22/12/2015 EastEnders


22/12/2015

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Phil Mitchell...pays!

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-Don't be stupid!

-Vincent!

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-What has he done with my baby?!

-I don't know!

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Oh, God! Oh, God!

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Don't worry, I'll get you some water, all right? Or I could call Denise?

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Call Denise? Take out an advert, why don't you? We don't want the police hanging around.

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It's answerphone. Mum, this is...this is Donna,

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you need to call Vincent.

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-He's in trouble!

-Oh, Sharon! Sharon, pick up!

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No, Phil's not here.

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Ronnie! Ronnie, calm down.

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-SHARON SCOFFS

-But there's no baby here.

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Well, Donna must have got it wrong.

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Listen to me, lock the door.

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Do you hear me? Lock the door!

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Sharon?!

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You're feeling hormonal?

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-You want to have one of them relationship chats?

-No.

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Your mum is coming back from her cruise early,

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-given her ticket to a refugee?

-Martin.

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She's not coming back here, is she? Don't get me wrong, I like her, you know I like her, it's just...

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Bit like, Who Do You Think You Are? last week, weren't it?

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You know? And...I think one Christmas a year's probably enough.

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Just stop, Martin.

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-Ooh!

-Ooh! Oh, what?

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-Ooh!

-What?

-What?!

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Well, when you said "important," I didn't think you meant...

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-Right, I tell you what, hospital bag. Have you packed the hospital bag?

-No!

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-OK, stay there, I'll do it. Don't panic. Erm...

-No. Martin!

-I'll do it.

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You just...don't panic. Don't panic.

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Darling, breathe out. Did Shabs take it really badly?

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-I didn't do it, Mum. I couldn't tell her. Where's Stacey?

-She's doing what you said.

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Stacey's telling Martin the truth about your baby.

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Martin, I ain't in labour.

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I ain't in labour!

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It's just...it's just uncomfortable.

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It's...it's probably just Braxton Hicks.

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Oh, God!

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Oh, heart's going.

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Sorry, I...was not prepared.

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You know, I...I dreamed he was early.

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It was, er, proper...like thick snow,

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and I'm rushing around trying to find my keys.

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And then we're on the M1 and Jeremy Corbyn's in the back

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banging on about Trident or something.

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-You ought to stop drinking.

-Yeah.

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-Martin...

-You...

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You are, like, the most precious thing in my life.

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Do you know that?

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And Bex, obviously.

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You, Lily...

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..and Bruiser, here.

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Keeping you lot safe, right? Getting it right. And I will.

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So, I'm going to be there through the whole birth, everything.

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The blood, the works.

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You don't even have to worry. Whatever, you say it and I'll do it.

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I'll sort it, Stace.

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I will make it right.

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Cos...

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..if it wasn't for you lot...

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..I just don't think it would be worth living.

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We're so lucky.

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I'll put the kettle on.

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PHONE RINGS

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BUZZER

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-BUZZER

-I'll get it!

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-SANTA:

-Ho, ho, ho!

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APPLAUSE

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Let's leave it, eh?

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-I thought you weren't that bothered?

-Yeah, but I'm a kid.

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Grandad says you have to give Santa a list,

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or you don't get any presents.

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-How about we go and have a cake instead?

-Then we can see Santa?

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I couldn't tell her. I couldn't.

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-What? This...this was your idea!

-Stace...

-I was that close!

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All right, listen, listen. I was trying to find you. I got away as soon as I could, OK?

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-She's...she's really fragile.

-Yeah, I know that! You were still going to drag her off.

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-You were still going to tell her.

-Yes, you were right and I changed my mind, OK?

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She...she can't take any more bad news.

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Oh, you should have said.

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I tell you what, I'll make it easy for you, you just text me next time you want to change your mind.

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Next time you decide you want to throw my whole life over the edge.

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Days I have been gearing myself up to tell him and you just bottle it?!

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-Listen, Stacey...

-No, I tell you what, Kush, I never had you down as a game player.

-What?!

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Does it work for you, does it, the fact that we had sex?

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-Oh, come on. No.

-Once! One stupid mistake!

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How long...how long are you going to make me pay for it?

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It's not just about you and your guilty conscience.

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Believe me, everything would be perfect if you weren't the dad, but you are.

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Do you know how hard it is?

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How hard it is trying to keep everything together when you're due to drop any minute?

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When I'm not taking my medication and I'm lying to a good, decent bloke?

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-The best bloke that either of us know.

-I'm sorry.

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-SHE SIGHS What...?

-Whatever.

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I'm sorry. Stace. Stacey!

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Listen, Stacey, I am sorry!

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Sorry for what?

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You're boring me right now. GUN COCKS

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Speak.

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Get your gun out my face!

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-Speak!

-Look, I told you, I don't know!

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Do I look like the kind of mum who approves of taking a baby hostage?

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Well, do I?!

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-RONNIE:

-Sharon?

-Are they here?

-No!

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Vincent, what are you doing?!

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-Look, they're not at The Arches.

-What's he done with her?!

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Or...we could get some sweets,

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go home and see what's on telly?

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Too much sugar.

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Just cos I've got CF, don't mean I can't get diabetic an' all, Nan.

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SHIRL CHUCKLES

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How about we try and get you a little part in the Nativity?

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I know they're rehearsing, cos they're always rehearsing.

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-You could meet some new mates.

-OK.

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Then we can see Santa.

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Old lags like Phil Mitchell do not get forced to do nothing!

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Big mistake! Any fool could see that this was coming!

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But I tell you something, I tell you something,

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he hurts one hair, one on Pearl's head, you are responsible.

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Vincent! Vincent, do you really think that that's likely?

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Well, we don't know, Ronnie, because he's a raving alcoholic kidnapper!

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-I mean, what is it with you Mitchells?!

-Excuse me!

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Whose husband's smashing the place up and waving a gun around?

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-We need to call the police.

-You'd best remember that.

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-And you stop threatening me!

-Just everybody get a grip!

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Vincent, can you not see he's playing you?

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-What, you think he's got that much control?

-Yes, Kim, I do!

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Because look at you! And what if someone saw Vincent coming round here with a gun?

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Vincent, what if someone reports you to the police?

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I mean, seriously, do you want Vincent to be inside for Pearl's first Christmas? Do you?

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No.

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He's setting you up, Vincent.

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Phil would never hurt a baby.

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He just wouldn't. Wherever Pearl is, she is safe.

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I guarantee it.

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DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

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PHIL CHUCKLES

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-Excellent.

-Where is she?

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The...Christmas drinks come early, have they?

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PHIL CHUCKLES I tell you what...

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..I don't mind if I do.

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I said, where is she?!

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It'll be all right, you know?

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The odds are stacked in your favour.

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I know you've had a run of bad luck, but it can't last for ever.

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I'm telling you, even your mother would put money on you.

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And you know what she's like, "Shabnam, gambling, it is a sin."

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It's all right, Dad, I'm fine.

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-I'm lucky, there's plenty worse off in the world right now, so...

-Hmm.

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I think Kush has had enough.

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It's all right, I don't blame him.

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I...I have had enough of me.

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Worrying, and hospitals, and doctors trying to break it to me gently.

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-I feel like a freak.

-Kush loves you.

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Yeah. Yeah, he said that he'll stand by me...for ever.

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Whatever, it's just all the right words,

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the minute he got the chance, he was out the door, Dad.

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It's not his fault, who wants half a woman for a wife?

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Oh, come on. I mean, you don't even know anything yet.

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I don't want to be "stood by"!

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He doesn't mean it.

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You've just got to look into his eyes. Kush is just being kind because he has to...and duty.

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And...I think back and I think, actually,

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something hasn't been right for months and months, Dad.

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-I think you're being paranoid.

-Yeah?

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Did he tell you that?

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Cos I think he would rather be anywhere else than talking to me.

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KUSH: All they said was, you know, they'd found some abnormalities.

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Cheers. No, thanks. I was just...

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I was just saying to Stace,

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this hysteroscopy test is supposed to show up what those abnormalities are.

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But, erm...

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I shouldn't have landed all that on you.

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You don't need the stress, do ya?

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-I am sorry.

-Behave, mate.

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You can talk to us whenever you want, can't he?

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Yeah.

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So does... Could this mean that Shabs can't have any more kids?

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Yeah, it could.

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Ten...

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..nine...

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You got a death wish or something?

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-Phil!

-..eight...

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-seven...

-That's enough, Vincent.

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-..six...

-Do it!

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-..five...

-He's not the only one who can play games, is he?

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-..four...

-Who's got control now, big man?

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..three...

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..two...

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One.

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Shoot me.

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You heard him, everybody, yeah?

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-You heard him ask for it!

-And you,

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you will never find out what happened to your little girl.

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PHIL LAUGHS SOFTLY

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-Bang!

-That is enough! Enough!

-That's not your choice, woman!

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-All right?

-What?

-You do not decide!

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It's not your choice! You don't decide! You, you and you do not decide! It's down to me, I decide!

0:12:580:13:04

-Now, am I getting through to ya?! Eh? I can't hear ya?

-I'm not saying one word to you, you arrogant pig!

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-Oh, and there's a blessing.

-Look, I just want my baby!

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-LIQUID POURS

-You're drunk!

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Now, I will...tell you where Pearl is...

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..if you ask me nicely.

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Please!

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Please, Phil!

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She...she needs me!

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Beg...grass!

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I've told you before, there is no more room at the inn, Shirley!

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Besides, we haven't got a spare recorder.

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Stars, you've got to twinkle like Janet. That's it.

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Lovely! Lovely, lovely, lovely!

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-Kamil, finger out your nose.

-Give her a part in the play.

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This story is rather set in stone, Shirley.

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I mean, it's not like there are four wise men, or a lobster,

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or Father Christmas, or any of that wishy-washy happy holiday gubbins.

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I might not entirely agree with Dot Jesus-wise,

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but this show...this show is something we should be proud of.

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I mean, it is our cultural heritage, our British tradition, Shirley!

0:14:310:14:36

Well, what about...democracy,

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-freedom of speech, equal opportunities?

-Oh!

0:14:380:14:42

All right, non-speaking sheep.

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But she's going to need a coat made of some old carpet or something.

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And when you put your head in that manger,

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I need to believe that you are really eating that straw.

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No, ta, I get hay fever.

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Now can we go and see Santa?

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Yeah, let's go and see Santa!

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He's at the Vic and he's got lots of presents! KIDS SCREAM EXCITEDLY

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Children! No, no, no! Children!

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Back, back, back, everyone!

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Goodness me!

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Lily, please, face this way. Thank you. Kamil, finger out your nose.

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LAUGHTER

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Right. One more time from the Immaculate Conception.

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Ready? And...

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It's very cold this time of year,

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especially if you're outside.

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-Vincent...

-When this is over, you tell him I'm leaving.

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Again? PHIL LAUGHS

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Tell her not to slam the door on the way out, will ya?

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Vincent...look, he's not going to remember half of this tomorrow,

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so just...just do what he wants.

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Please, babe.

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Very cold...and very dark.

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Cos I can't stand this!

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Tiny...little baby.

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Argh!

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PHIL GROANS

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Is this what your dad did, is it? Is it, bully boy?

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Practised on you, little kid,

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-giving you lessons before he murdered innocent people?

-What?!

-I can't breathe!

0:16:230:16:27

-Uncle Eric never murdered anyone.

-Eric Mitchell killed my dad!

0:16:270:16:32

-What?!

-It's a long time coming, Phil Mitchell.

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-PHIL GROANS

-Stop it! He can't breathe!

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Hello? GUNSHOT

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SCREAMING

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Mary is the heart, the centre of our show.

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Mother to God!

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And that...that is quite a big part.

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I need you to shine.

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I want you to think, erm...

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think holy thoughts.

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-And breathe.

-JANET INHALES DEEPLY

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And project, and let us hear every word loud and clear

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at the back of the hall!

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Stars, follow Janet.

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Very good!

0:17:140:17:16

Lovely!

0:17:160:17:18

And...

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TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE STAR PLAYS

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In your own time.

0:17:260:17:28

Lily...you're going to have to open your mouth, darling.

0:17:300:17:35

-Where have you been?

-They cornered me, didn't they?

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I got away as soon as I could. I don't want you to have to answer all the questions.

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Not today, babe.

0:17:450:17:47

Lily, darling, you're going to have to open your mouth, yeah,

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so that we can hear all your words.

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Ready?

0:17:550:17:56

Lily, I've put my trust in you, dear.

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You know, my faith, my belief, not unlike God.

0:18:030:18:07

So, you must please open your mouth.

0:18:070:18:13

Come on, then, like we practised.

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Go!

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Oh, dear, oh, dear!

0:18:200:18:22

Lil...come here. Come here.

0:18:260:18:29

It's OK to be scared, yeah?

0:18:290:18:31

Just... You just focus on me.

0:18:310:18:33

Remember what we practised at home, yeah? But I'm...I'm Joseph, OK?

0:18:330:18:37

-So... Oh, Joseph, I am sorry.

-Oh, Joseph...

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-Say it to the room.

-Oh, Joseph, I am sorry,

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but...but you ain't the father of my baby,

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cos I have had a visit off an angel.

0:18:500:18:53

Now, please get us a donkey...

0:18:530:18:56

A donkey...so we can go to Bethlehem

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where I'll have pain relief...nurses and pain relief.

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-Fabulous!

-Whoo!

-Well done, girl.

-APPLAUSE

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Finally!

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And...

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ALL: # Little donkey, little donkey

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# On a dusty road

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# Got to keep on plodding on

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# With the precious load. #

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Good boy.

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There you go, poppet. Merry Christmas!

0:19:300:19:32

Cheers. Bye-bye.

0:19:320:19:34

-All right, Shirl?

-As if by magic.

0:19:350:19:39

-Shirl.

-Lee.

-That's what Mick's going to look like tomorrow

0:19:390:19:44

-when he has to kill that goose.

-These tights are proper rubbing.

0:19:440:19:47

-Oh, yeah.

-It's on the house for family.

-No, thanks.

0:19:470:19:51

Whoa! Wicked! Do you know him?

0:19:510:19:53

Allow me to introduce to you,

0:19:530:19:55

the wonderful Mr Father Christmas. Here we go.

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-I'm Jade.

-I know.

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-Charmed.

-I can't wait.

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Though I ain't sitting on your lap. I've got a care order.

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But I...weren't a kid though...

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..and that's where I got the advantage.

0:20:170:20:19

-I weren't a kid.

-You said that.

0:20:200:20:24

I remember Henry Hubbard...

0:20:250:20:28

your old man.

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-He was a loser.

-It takes one to know one, don't it, darling? Hmm?

-What?

0:20:300:20:35

Do something about him, Jay, or I am going to crack him.

0:20:350:20:38

-No chance. I want to see you crack him.

-Is it true about my grandad?

0:20:380:20:41

You want the truth? You want the truth?

0:20:430:20:46

That's what he said.

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The truth is, Henry Hubbard would not have stood still long enough

0:20:480:20:53

for my old man to have done him in.

0:20:530:20:55

It's a lie. You've been sold a dummy, Vinnie-boy,

0:20:550:20:58

and you've done all this on the back of it, hmm?

0:20:580:21:01

You grassed up your mates. You turned into a grass...

0:21:010:21:05

..all for no reason.

0:21:060:21:09

Nah, Henry Hubbard...your old man done a runner.

0:21:090:21:14

It's as simple as that. And whatever you've been told...

0:21:150:21:19

he was weak.

0:21:190:21:21

-PHIL: Weak.

-What's happened?

0:21:240:21:26

Yeah, all right, but where's my baby?

0:21:300:21:33

That must be hard for you to understand that, eh, Phil?

0:21:350:21:39

You know, a man of his stature. Eh, Sharon?

0:21:390:21:42

I mean, you have proved your point big time tonight.

0:21:420:21:46

-Everyone listening, that's how it should be, in't it?

-Too right.

0:21:460:21:49

And look at him, look!

0:21:490:21:52

He ain't said one word.

0:21:520:21:54

If you want your kid back, I'd keep it like that.

0:21:540:21:57

You own the room, mate.

0:21:580:22:00

You own him!

0:22:000:22:02

And you ain't a bad man, are you?

0:22:040:22:06

So where's Pearl?

0:22:060:22:08

I ain't a bad man.

0:22:080:22:11

Hmm.

0:22:140:22:16

Right under your nose. Hmm.

0:22:180:22:21

PHONE RINGS

0:22:280:22:30

LAUGHTER

0:22:370:22:39

CHATTER

0:22:390:22:40

Well done, mate. You were very good tonight.

0:22:400:22:43

LAUGHTER

0:22:430:22:45

Kush told me.

0:22:470:22:49

It's all right, I don't mind.

0:22:490:22:52

Well, I do, but if Kush is going to talk to anyone

0:22:520:22:57

about...about my private, intimate medical details,

0:22:570:23:02

then it might as well be you.

0:23:020:23:04

I'm really grateful for your concern and Martin's,

0:23:040:23:07

-but can you just do me a favour, please?

-Yeah, of course.

-Back off.

0:23:070:23:12

-What?!

-Well, haven't you got enough to be occupied with?

0:23:120:23:15

Really? Christmas, your daughter, the baby coming,

0:23:150:23:20

your man, a really, really decent man standing by you,

0:23:200:23:23

whether...whether or not you actually deserve him.

0:23:230:23:27

Because it is...it is debatable, isn't it?

0:23:270:23:31

Considering you're lying to him.

0:23:310:23:33

-You won't even tell me who the father is.

-Shabnam, Kush was stressed, he came to us.

0:23:330:23:37

That's not right, is it? Sharing every single detail like that?

0:23:370:23:43

It's not healthy and it's gotten way too much. It's like being back at school,

0:23:430:23:47

every time I come out of the Minute Mart, there you are,

0:23:470:23:49

the three of you, just whispering about something or other.

0:23:490:23:52

How can Kush and I have an adult relationship when it's always four ways?

0:23:520:23:55

Whatever is happening between you two,

0:23:550:23:57

-it ain't mine and Martin's fault.

-Yeah, it's none of your business,

0:23:570:23:59

-so just give us some privacy, please.

-All right, pleasure.

0:23:590:24:03

Apart from the quad bike and the unicorn, I've got everything I want now.

0:24:110:24:15

-All I used to wish for was a family.

-And now they've found ya,

0:24:150:24:19

I'm sure they're never going to let you go, darling. All right?

0:24:190:24:22

Yeah. I don't touch strange men.

0:24:220:24:24

Very wise.

0:24:240:24:27

Very wise.

0:24:270:24:28

Jade.

0:24:280:24:30

Good girl.

0:24:310:24:33

It's not as good as last year.

0:24:340:24:36

Couldn't you afford new costumes?

0:24:360:24:38

Last year, Stan got hammered in that grotto, snogged Cora

0:24:380:24:40

and made so many kids cry we had to shut up shop.

0:24:400:24:42

Yeah, I know. That's what I call a proper Christmas.

0:24:420:24:45

THEY LAUGH

0:24:450:24:46

I'm wearing her down.

0:24:500:24:51

-MICK:

-Have you been a good boy?

0:24:510:24:53

I don't think you have, I think you've been a bit naughty.

0:24:530:24:56

-Can I help ya?

-No, thanks, love.

0:25:000:25:03

-Is she all right?!

-Of course she's all right.

0:25:030:25:06

-Let me check she's all right.

-Well, excuse me, I may not be childminder registered,

0:25:060:25:10

but I do have two children of my own, one being unique and special needs.

0:25:100:25:14

-So a thank you wouldn't go amiss.

-Kim, I'm so sorry.

0:25:140:25:17

Look, it just got out of hand.

0:25:170:25:19

Well, look, there were faults on both sides though, weren't there?

0:25:190:25:22

Sharon, come on.

0:25:320:25:33

Lesson learnt, Vincent, eh?

0:25:410:25:45

You know, there's a load of people out there

0:25:470:25:49

who wouldn't be very happy to find out you're the grass that saw 'em banged up.

0:25:490:25:53

Hmm?

0:25:530:25:54

Lesson learnt.

0:26:000:26:02

Like father...like son.

0:26:020:26:05

PHIL CHUCKLES Come on, boys.

0:26:080:26:11

Right, if you're done, I'd like to lock up.

0:26:170:26:19

PHIL: Oi!

0:26:220:26:23

PHIL LAUGHS Come on.

0:26:330:26:36

ALL LAUGH

0:26:360:26:38

How did you get it so wrong?!

0:26:380:26:42

Don't worry, I'm on it.

0:26:420:26:45

This time tomorrow...

0:26:450:26:46

..Phil Mitchell is a dead man.

0:26:480:26:50

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