24/12/2015 EastEnders

SHE INHALES

What's happened?

Why hasn't Martin called?

Er... I dunno. Maybe um, there's still no news.

Yeah.

Don't.

Don't. It's...

We're not family. I'm sure we're low down on the list of priorities.

What's the matter?

I just want to make sure they're all right.

SHE GRUNTS

You do believe me about Bobby, don't you?

Course I do, sweetheart.

So does this mean we can get out of having Christmas lunch with the Beales?

Phil, why didn't you return my phone call?

We've been dealing with a family bereavement.

Oh, it's Denny's spider.

Come on. Let's go and get our coats and get out. Come on.

Look, it's about Vincent.

I had about all I can stand from him yesterday.

-You don't understand.

-No, no, I do understand.

He's a little boy playing at being a big man.

As far as I'm concerned the subject's closed.

Martin, I'm not a invalid.

What happened?

She's not dilated enough so they sent her home.

I didn't want to go there in the first place.

I told you I'm having a home birth!

-How's she been?

-DOORBELL

-Driving us mad trying to learn her lines for the nativity today.

-What did the doctors say?

I've got to wait until the contractions are closer together.

-Were they not worried that you're early?

-Well, no, they didn't seem to be.

Hey, you all right?

OK, I think we should give her a bit of space.

I'll stay. You two as well, go on.

Go, go. I'll stay. Go! Go on.

Er, all right, you rest. I'm going to fix you some breakfast.

Go on, sit.

Shabs. You don't have to do that.

I want to.

Oh, there you are.

I woke up in the night to hear you pacing about down here.

I'm sorry, Mrs B.

Well, I should have to have a word with that Mr Hubbard,

keeping you up all hours.

No, no, no, no, no. You don't have to worry about me.

-You've got big baby J's birthday to get ready for.

-Whose?

Oh, Jesus.

Well, we shall be eating out of a tin at this rate.

That vicar - he's run me ragged.

Um, OK, Mrs B - why don't I go and pick up the rest of the veg, eh?

That's a good idea. Don't forget the cranberry sauce.

Don't you worry - I won't, all right?

It'll be the feast to end all feasts.

SHE LAUGHS

Ooh!

Ronnie! Ronnie! Listen, don't go in there by yourself, all right?

-Look, please, just let me come with you!

-Don't worry about it. I can handle Vincent.

-DOORBELL

-I'll get it.

DOOR SHUTS

You have a visitor.

I'll catch you later, yeah?

What can I do for you?

If you go near Phil again, I will crush you.

Do you understand me?

-HE LAUGHS

-I see my little assistant has been shooting his mouth off again.

What were you thinking?

It's between me and Phil.

No, not any more it's not.

You need to be careful, blue eyes.

I'd hate for you to get caught up in this.

-Is that a threat?

-Let's call it a friendly warning.

-I'm not scared of you.

-You should be.

-You're psychotic, do you know that?

-He took my little girl.

This is a matter of honour.

DOOR SHUTS

Ah! Only me.

I had to go and pick up some things for Pearl's stock...

What is she doing here?

I was just leaving.

Ronnie?

Me or Phil. Choose wisely.

Walford's very own Nativity.

Written, directed and produced by yours truly.

-Do you want to come?

-Yes, please.

Jane. Have you spoken to Sharon at all?

Not today. Why?

It's probably just a storm in a teacup.

You know what kids are like.

What's happened?

You know that spider that Dennis took home from school?

What about it?

She reckons that Bobby killed it.

That's ridiculous.

Where are you going?

Jane! There's something I need to tell you!

How's my leading lady this morning? Off the book, I hope.

She could do without you piling on the pressure.

I'm only trying to bring out the best in her.

She'll be thankful in the long run.

She's a little girl.

With a big part. No one-said show business was easy, Billy.

Who do you think you are, accusing Bobby like that?

-He never touched Dennis' spider.

-And you know that for sure, do you?

He wouldn't do something so cruel.

He pushed you down the stairs, didn't he?

-Oh, don't tell me. Kathy.

-Is it true?

Look, Sharon. I provoked him.

He's 12 years old!

You don't throw someone down the stairs cos you're having a strop.

-It was an accident.

-And how many more accidents are there going to be

until someone else gets hurt?

Jane, you can't keep covering for him. He needs help.

He is a little boy.

Who ripped that spider limb from limb!

I'll talk to him.

Good.

Because if you don't put a stop to this, I will.

BUZZER

Hey, Ron... Oh, sorry. Dean's got me making stuffing.

How did you manage to get sausage meat down my trousers? >

-Look, I know it's been a while, but can we go somewhere?

-What? Really?

I'm busy.

-I don't know what to do, Rox.

-Who's at the door, babe?

-No-one.

Not like that. Ron...

Look, it doesn't matter, um...

We'll do it another time, yeah?

-OK.

-OK. I'll see you later.

Bye.

SHE GIGGLES

# Doo-doo doo-doo doo! #

Yeah!

Stay, stay.

-No, not there! There!

-All right, Elaine. All right.

Chop chop!

-Remind me why we're doing this again?

-I'll tell you why.

Because my darling mother-in-law will have your gonads for earrings

-if you don't.

-I don't know how you put up with it.

-I'll tell you.

I got a little radio in my nut and every time she starts bunnying, I whack it right up.

All I can hear is '90s house music. It's brilliant.

Oh, Billy. Good, good, good. I've got Janet's call here.

Yeah, I'd like her to be here half an hour before the half hour call.

-Four o'clock sharp.

-She ain't coming.

-What are you talking about?

-She's got a bellyache, ain't she?

-Oh.

-How convenient.

-What's that supposed to mean?

I've had a feeling from the get go that you just do not want her

-up on that stage.

-I've just told you, she's got a bad stomach.

The curtain goes up in a few hours. The whole production hinges on her.

Yeah? Well, you'll just have to find yourself another mug, won't you?

Oh...

-You had no right!

-I was worried about you. Jane...

Here you are. Do it like I showed you.

No, the other way round. Yeah, that's it. I thought I'd make

a start on Christmas dinner. Although, I don't know why we're

bothering cos Phil Mitchell's hardly got a refined palate, has he?

Bobby's going to be my sous chef. Did you get my wrapping paper?

-I've just been to see Sharon.

-I'm not taking any orders. The Mitchells

-will get what they're given.

-Dad's making his honey glazed chipolatas.

Wouldn't be Christmas without them, would it?

What happened to Dennis' spider?

-I want the truth, Bobby.

-What are you talking about, love?

I never touched it.

Don't lie to me!

I hate you!

-Stace, I wasn't even sure you'd be here.

-The hospital sent me home.

Kush was in a right state when he called me yesterday.

Don't worry, I'm not stopping. I just came here to give you this.

-What's that?

-Well, open it and see.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Oh, Shabs, I...

I just brought a little something for Stacey, but it's not important.

Where are you... Where are you going?

I should see whether Kushy needs some help on his stall.

OK, but you've just come all this way to give that to her.

It's silly really. Um...

I should save it for another day, if I were you.

OK, is it me or is she acting even weirder than normal?

-Oh, just ignore her.

-Aren't you going to open it?

No, I'll do it later.

Hey, Mrs B! I reckon I got the last

jar of cranberry sauce in Walford.

Good. Look, you've got a visitor.

Mr Hubbard's been telling me

how well you're doing at your disc-jockeying.

He's a real credit to you, Mrs Branning.

-Would you like a taste of one of my mince pies?

-That would be lovely.

-What are you doing here, man?

-Got a Christmas present for you.

Coker and Sons?

These old girls, they are prone to the odd fall now and again.

-What are you talking about?

-Especially when they get to Mrs Branning's age.

I trusted you, Arthur. Took you under my wing and, yet again,

you go running back to the Mitchells.

Here we go. My Auntie Gwen's recipe.

You are spoiling us.

Well, any friend of Arthur's, as they say, is a friend of mine.

Mm!

Mm.

You backed the wrong team, Arthur.

Now you've got to say your goodbyes.

You've got until tonight to pack your stuff and leave,

or else I might just hit you where you truly hurt.

Mm...

Thank you for the mince pies, Mrs Branning.

Mm!

Can you believe?! Denise has sold the last roll of wrapping paper!

I think that's the least of our worries, Ian.

Do you think he did it?

I don't know what to think.

-This son of yours. Good boy, isn't he?

-Why? What have you heard?

Nothing, I just...

I need someone to whack on a pair of angel wings, lively.

-It's not really his thing.

-What are you talking about?

That innocent little boat? All he's missing is a halo.

-I'm sorry, Mick. You'll have to look elsewhere.

-Oh...

-I've got a bone to pick with you.

-Sorry?

Melt here is out there, trying to find another Angel Gabriel.

No, seriously. I hope Janet gets better soon.

Shall we go through those lines one more time? Kamil?

Remind me never to volunteer for that woman ever again, OK?

-How's Stacey?

-Er... Yeah, she's...

Well, she's all the better for seeing your mother.

She came to see her, did she?

Yes, even went to the trouble of bringing her a present.

-That's nice.

-Mm, isn't it?

Let's get this over and done with.

A nativity, sponsored by a public house. Your mother would be proud.

-Come on.

-Hey, don't forget what we rehearsed, yeah?

-I won't.

Let's go.

Oh, my God!

-That's going to be us one day.

-Is it?

-I told you. There's nothing to worry about, OK?

-But what if...?

Come here.

As long as we've got each other, there's nothing to worry about, OK?

Come on, let's go.

Just stop wriggling for two minutes!

-How far apart are the contractions?

-I don't know. I've lost count. Lil?

Are you ready?

You got Baby Jesus? Right.

-Let's get you to the community centre then.

-What about me?

I'll just drop her off and I'll come straight back.

Mummy promised she would come.

-I'm not going to miss her starring part, Martin.

-Stace...

-No.

If they get worse, I'll come back.

It's not every day you get to see your little girl

give birth to the son of God.

Ron, you wanted to talk to me about Vincent.

You're drunk.

Do you want my help or don't you?

-No, it's too late.

-What do you mean it's too late?

Because as usual, it's been left to me to sort out your mess.

-Suit yourself.

-Do you know he tried to kill you yesterday, Phil,

and you were too drunk to notice?

I mean, if you just listened to me, none of this would have happened.

If Arthur hadn't have just walked in,

it wouldn't just be the spider we'd be burying.

You'd have thought he'd have got the hang of it by now.

-Why aren't you taking this seriously?

-Because the geezer is a joke

-and I've got better things to do with my time, that's why!

-Like what?

Like what? Like drink yourself to death?

Have you looked in the mirror recently, Phil? You're a mess!

I mean, I am risking everything for you! And for what? For what?

Oh, I'm a mess, am I?

Ha! That's rich, coming from you! No wonder Roxy got rid of you!

You're nothing but a cancer to this family! Do you hear me?

And do me a favour, just keep out of my business from now on!

Do you understand me?

What's all this about?

Um... Well, you'll never guess what. I got a call from my dad.

Your father?

Why?

Well, he...

Supposedly, he's cleaned up his act and he wants me back for Christmas.

What about me?

I thought that we could have our Christmas dinner tonight.

That Peacock woman, she wants me to go to the nativity play.

I hope she ain't made a mess of it.

-Well, I've heard that Bethlehem's full of...elves and goblins.

-Oh, no!

Yeah, and Mary... She's twerking and doing street dance.

-Oh, heaven forbid!

-Yes. So, listen,

why don't we sit and enjoy tonight?

To the most wonderful woman I know.

Happy Christmas.

Chaos back there!

-I think one of the wise men's got nits.

-Where's Elaine?

-Don't ask me.

-I ain't seen her.

-What do you mean you ain't seen her?

Well, someone has to step up to the plate.

-Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah, you look beautiful.

-Thank you.

-How far apart are they?

-Six minutes.

-You should be back at the flat.

Well, I will, as soon as this is finished.

Here, sit down. Sit down.

-Um... Every time you need to scream, just squeeze my hand.

-OK.

Looks like my Janet's made a full recovery.

-Brilliant. Elaine, you're sacked.

-Quite right too.

There is no better Angel Gabriel on this planet!

Remember, you're a star!

Ladies and gentlemen, I can see you're all very excited.

The show's going to start very shortly.

No Linda today?

No, the lucky cow's looking after the boozer, ain't she, eh?

-Am I too late?

-What do you think you're doing, showing up at Stacey's?

I had to find out how my grandson is doing.

He's not your grandson, all right? He's not anything.

Do you understand me?

PIANO PLAYS HARK THE HERALD ANGELS SING

Once upon a... Oh.

Once upon a time, a young girl called Mary was visited by an Angel.

APPLAUSE

-I don't think you're going to make it to the end.

-I promised Lily.

-I'm just going to get you a phone, in case I need to call your midwife.

-OK.

What are you doing in my house?

I just mopped that floor.

Do not be afraid, I bring you good news.

Couldn't you just send a text?

You will have a baby boy. He will be the son of God.

What are you doing here?

Er... Well, you told me to pick a team.

Yeah, I thought you'd be flying the Mitchell flag.

Look, we all make mistakes. Just promise me something.

Whatever you're planning, you'll leave me out of it, OK?

You have my word.

There you are.

Kim wants you to see Pearl before Father Christmas gets here.

Will you be able to cover for a bit?

Yeah, it's just that we're out of ice.

-We've been so busy since we opened.

-Yeah, but it's our busiest time.

Well, you'd better hurry up then, before the supermarket closes.

I'd go myself, but I've had a drink.

All right. I'm going to be about an hour, tops.

Vincent...

Merry Christmas.

It's time.

Stop wriggling, will you? I'm tired. I need to sleep.

-That's your fault.

-(Don't worry, Mary.)

Don't worry, Mary. We're almost at Nazareth.

(Bethlehem.)

There's a B&B over there. Let me see if there is anywhere for us.

No.

No.

All the rooms are full.

(Why don't you ask that innkeeper over there?)

Why don't you ask that innkeeper over there? See if he has free wi-fi.

Oh, here we go.

What have you done?

-What did he say?

-Yes.

We can stay in the stable because Islam welcomes all faiths.

So that's what you were doing with the script.

I felt the story needed updating.

-A stable?

-The one with the bright shining star above it.

Hurry, Joseph. I think the baby's coming.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Oh, dear!

That was the vicar.

Apparently, the verger has come down with the flu and he wants me there

as soon as possible to put out the service sheets for midnight mass.

Mrs B... Before you go, I, um...

-I just wanted to say thank you.

-What for?

Well, for loving and for looking after me like a mum

and a grandma all wrapped into one.

Well, don't forget to phone your own mother cos it is Christmas

-after all. You are a kind boy, Arthur.

-Mrs B...

Just remember, all right, whatever happens, I've got your back.

Always.

-Is something worrying you, Arthur?

-Me?

No.

No, Mrs B.

I'm all good.

Well, just remember, you know, you're braver than you believe

and you're stronger than you seem.

And you're smarter than you think.

-What's that? Proverbs?

-No, not this time.

Winnie the Pooh.

Come here.

-See you later then.

-Yes, yes. You will.

# The sun in the bright sky

# Looked down where he lay

# The little Lord Jesus

# Asleep on the hay. #

APPLAUSE

He's the son of God. He's here to save us all.

The wise men bring gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

No cash or gift cards.

-What shall we call him?

-Zayne.

LAUGHTER

-How about Jesus?

-Yeah, I suppose.

-Proper little star, isn't she?

All hail Jesus!

All hail Jesus.

The son of God.

-Martin, I think I need to push.

-Well, how far apart are they?

-I think he's coming now.

-Will someone get an ambulance?

-Keep it down, will you? We're trying to watch the play here.

-Pipe down, Bill! What's the matter with you?

She'll need hot water and towels.

Teen, sort it out.

STACEY WAILS

Tam. Tam, sort the kids out, please.

Right, OK.

SHE WAILS

-We're going to have to do this here.

-Let's all go out that way.

Are you sure about this?

It's not like I ain't had plenty of practice.

Excuse me, love.

-Right. Everyone, let's get over the boozer, eh?

-Come on.

-I'm not leaving here, Kush.

-This is nothing to do with us, Mum. Come on.

Let's go. Go!

All right, Stace.

Good girl.

-Deep breaths.

-I can't do it!

You can do it, come on.

It's all right, I'm here. All right?

-That's it, take her hand. Just squeeze when you've got to.

-OK.

That's it.

I already told you. You don't need to worry about Ronnie.

She's picked her side.

So, I went behind your back. Believe it or not, I was looking out for you.

And your family.

Trying to stop you doing something stupid.

-Don't you have a train to catch?

-Yeah. Don't worry, bruvva.

I'm leaving.

Vincent?

But just so you know, you hurt Mrs B and I will come find you.

Do you understand?

Good luck, bruv.

I think you're going to need it.

What was that all about?

The boy crossed us.

He had to go.

-Martin! Help!

-It's all right, I'm here.

-How's she doing?

-I just need one final push.

-Right, are you ready?

-Yeah!

-We're going to do this all together, yeah?

Come on then.

ALL: Argh!

Oh! Oh!

BABY CRIES

-Oh, you good girl!

-How can you stand there,

just knowing your son's about to be born across the road?

That's it.

I'm going over there.

-Don't...

-Everything sweet, Kush?

Yeah, she's getting a bit ahead of herself, that's all.

Here she is, the star of the show, ladies and gentlemen.

APPLAUSE

Thanks, Mick. Just a shame not everyone's as supportive.

Yeah... Can I just say something, please? Um...

When Janet was born,

I made a promise to her that I would always try to protect her.

Anyway, seeing her on stage tonight,

..I realised she don't need protecting.

Our little girl's got more bottle than anyone I've ever known.

And you know where she gets it from?

Her mum.

Thanks, Billy.

Beautiful, Bill. Beautiful. What are you having? Your usual?

Yeah, go on, mate.

-Where's Jane and Kathy?

-Gone home to wrap more presents.

-It's like Santa's Grotto over there.

-Did Jane talk to Bobby?

She tried.

-What do you mean she tried?

-Sharon, he's just a kid.

He doesn't know what he's doing.

Right.

Now, do you remember that time when I gave you Mummy's wedding ring?

Well, do you think it's time we gave it back to her?

That is a very good girl.

OK, going to wish me luck?

It's a boy!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Beautiful! Let's wet the baby's head. First round on the house!

-Sharon?

-You said you were going to deal with this.

And all you're doing is burying your head in the sand.

Look, Jane, I know you're trying to protect him,

but this can't go on any longer.

-Please, Sharon...

-No, he's hurt too many people.

I'm sorry.

Can't we just have Christmas Day?

If that's what you want.

And then I go to the police.

# Silent night

# Holy night

# All is calm

# All is bright... #

BANGING

Well done, Stace. He's beautiful.

Everyone OK?

Come and have a look for yourself, mate.

Let me clean him up for you.

Pass me that towel.

He's a bonny little thing.

# Holy night

# Shepherds quake

# At the sight

# Glories stream

# From heaven afar... #

Can I have him back?

Kush.

# Christ the Saviour is born!

# Christ the Saviour is born... #

Is it safe to come in?

Yeah, you're all right, Mick.

Bex, come here. Come and meet your baby brother.

# Love's pure light

# Radiant beams

# From Thy holy face... #

See that, Teen? That's a proper little Christmas miracle, that is.

# Redeeming grace

# Jesus Lord

# At Thy birth

# Jesus Lord... #

SHE SOBS

# At Thy birth. #

BANGING

MUFFLED GRUNTS

Cheers.

Where's Vincent?

-Huh?

-Where is Vincent?

I'm sorry, Kim. I haven't seen him.

TEXT ALERT

Ronnie?

You've got a customer.

Merry Christmas, Ronnie.