Pride of Scarborough All At Sea

Good morning, Hannah.

No, it isn't! If it's so good,

how come Sophie Baxter's

uninvited me to her party?!

Well, you don't even get on with Sophie.

What about all your other friends?

My other friends, who are going to Sophie's party?

Well...there's always Carol.

So?

HE LAUGHS

Like Carol would want to hang out with Hannah!

Carol would LOVE to hang out with me.

She thinks I'm well cool.

Yeah, no, yeah, no... that's what I meant,

cos she's always sort of, "You know, can I...?"

And you're always like, "Oh, what...?"

I'm just going to fix this.

OK, I'll call Carol. Happy?

(Hopeless!)

Dad?

Yes, champ?

Do you think one day they'll make robots that look like people?

Who knows? Maybe they already have.

Then how do I know I'M not a robot?

Well. B-Because you've got feelings, haven't you?

But what if the robot factory put feelings in me,

to make me more realistic?

Yes, no, good point. Then I don't suppose we'd ever know

unless we opened up the top of your head

and had a little look inside, would we?

The humans want to open us up and learn our secrets.

We must be on our guard.

-There's your fruit salad.

-Thank you.

And your full English, Mrs Rigby.

Thank you.

Now, would you like any sauce with that?

Um...some ketchup, perhaps?

-SCREAMING BEN:

-Can we stop now?!

-Charlie!

-Kids, eh?

Yes. Not my kids, though. Obviously.

-Probably some off the estate.

-Yeah.

-It's not their fault, really. I blame the parents.

-Yeah...

Although, you know, the parents probably are trying their hardest,

whoever they are.

Obviously not trying hard enough.

SCREAMING CONTINUES

Mind you, we've always been very lucky with Nathan, haven't we?

Your son?

Nephew. He's in the finals of the Pride Of Scarborough.

We've come up to support him.

Oh.

"Scarborough's Premiere Award For Child Bravery."

He saved a horse from drowning.

Mm...very unusual.

They can surprise you sometimes, can't they?

-BEN:

-LET ME GO! ARRRRGH!

Yes, they can.

-POTTERY SMASHES

-Charlie!

(Would you excuse me?)

-CHARLIE:

-Outstanding.

Sorry, Mrs Enright. I was dizzy and I tripped over it.

Collateral damage.

Do you have to be so irresponsible all the time?

Yeah, Dad! I mean, leaving it there. Ben could have been killed!

I was talking to YOU!

It was an accident waiting to happen.

And now it HAS happened, we can all relax.

That was your grandad's gnome.

Honestly, I've had it up to here with you, Charlie Enright!

You're right, Mum.

I'm sorry.

I shall go.

Get right out of your way.

Like on a roller coaster!

If you give us some money, we can all go.

You are getting nothing until that's repaired.

I've had enough of you showing me up in front of the...

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

Oh! Mrs Rigby.

Do you know, turns out it was one of my kids after all.

That ketchup?

Yes! Of course. Yes.

I want that back to me in one piece or you're grounded.

But it's The Hurricane - it's the scariest roller coaster ever!

It's its last day in town!

Back. In. One. Piece.

HE SIGHS

Worry not, Charlie.

Fixing stuff is a lot simpler than it looks.

TOASTER FIZZES AND POPS

-Incoming!

-ARGH!

-THUD!

TOASTER FIZZES AND CRACKLES

Yep, that's done it.

Hi, Carol. I figured you don't get out much,

so maybe tonight, me and you...

Sophie's party? Seriously?!

Well, yeah, I was invited,

but I've got something much more interesting to go to.

Oh. That interesting thing's starting, so I've got to go... Bye!

Ha-ha-ha!

Ugh...

It's a gnome. He's just a kid.

So's the Rigbys' nephew - and he's up for Pride Of Scarborough award.

-He saved a horse from drowning.

-Y'see, I thought horses could swim.

Cos they're quite big, aren't they, horses?

So you imagine they'd hold their breath for, like...

Well, if you multiply the volume of...

I don't want to calculate the lung capacity of a horse, Kevin!

I want sympathy.

I know what'll cheer you up. Have a look at this.

A hot tub?

Picture it - you and me,

having a lovely, long soak as we watch the sun go down.

Mm... The dying rays playing on a line of bedsheets.

-Sounds wonderful(!)

-OK, well...

just come to the showroom, see what you think.

-Apparently, the bubbles are very therapeutic.

-Mm.

Hmm!

And they have got lights - red ones, blue ones, green ones.

(Lots of coloured lights.)

Well, I've not decided yet...

Finished!

What...is that?

It's a gnome.

OK, maybe a mutant gnome.

I said repair it!

No, you said you wanted it back in one piece.

Listen.

Repair my gnome, or you're not getting any pocket money

until you're 57.

That's so unfair!

I won't even want to go on the Hurricane then!

HE SIGHS

Charlie, just so you know, I'm probably a robot.

But they've programmed me to think I'm a kid.

-Yeah. I've heard that happens a lot. Right, Ben?

-Er...

But now you've worked it out, they'll probably have to

take you back to the factory for re-programming!

But I don't want to go back to the factory!

I like it here.

Yeah, I know. It's a shame, isn't it?

Unless... They might let you stay

if you do everything the humans tell you to.

Which humans? What should I do?

Glue this gnome back together while we go on the Hurricane

and I'll put in a good word for you.

Thanks, Charlie!

I mean, "Yes, master."

Brainwashing an eight-year-old? How rewarding(!)

I'm helping him develop a healthy imagination.

Now I've just got to get some money from the tin.

Louie! You've locked us out.

Oh, no! I'm malfunctioning!

Oh, well. Mum says roller coasters cause high blood pressure.

No need to worry. Mr Royce has got a spare key.

Come on.

-HE KNOCKS

-Mr Royce! Open the door!

It's your old friend, Charlie!

The neighbour says he's gone away for the weekend.

I'll kick the door down.

No! You can't kick someone's door down!

It's standard SAS procedure.

We're not the SAS!

We don't need to be, cos he hides a spare key under there.

Outstanding!

But isn't this breaking and entering?

No, it's just entering.

I'm definitely going to have to quit

Junior Neighbourhood Watch after this.

Assessing the terrain.

Verdict...

bouncy.

Aw, sweets!

They've got an alarm!

So what? I mean, it hasn't gone off, has it?

It might be one of them silent ones that's hooked up to the police.

Got 'em.

Great - can we go now?

Or is there any other part of this nice man's house

that you would like to eat or jump on?

A QS9!

A QS9?!

These are super expensive.

Assault Team Bloodstorm! A game so violent it was banned in China!

Stick it in!

No. We can't play that here! What if someone catches us?!

Hmm. You're right.

Thank you.

We'll take it back to mine,

bring it back tomorrow before Mr Royce gets home.

There we go, Trevor. Good as new.

We serve the humans well - and this is how they repay us?

See? Nothing to worry about.

Nothing? We just committed burglary!

It's not burglary

if we're going to break back in to give everything back.

Order of operations?

We'll go to mine, grab the cash,

go on the Hurricane, vomit, then have a monster sesh on the QS9!

POLICE SIREN WHOOPS

The alarm! It WAS wired up to the police.

Why do you guys NEVER listen to me?

Oh, Officer, I'm so glad to see you here!

What's all this?

Well, I was going to the shop to buy some jelly beans

and I saw this bad man coming out of Mr Royce's house.

Oh, yeah? Description?

Big, bald and muscly. You know, like your typical robber.

I ran at him, and he just dropped this.

A QS9. Probably planning to sell it on the black market.

What's a QS9?

Could you show me where you surprised him on the property?

Yeah, sure. Um, my pleasure.

-Woo-hoo, hot tub!

-Can we afford it? Are you sure?

It's not about whether we can afford it, it's about our happiness.

And massage jets on three different settings.

Yes, but what good are massage jets when we're bankrupt

and living in a bus shelter?

Well, at least we won't have tense muscles...

Trust me, this'll be good for business.

If people find out we've got a hot tub in the garden,

they'll be queuing around the block.

We should change the name of the place to Brookville Spa,

like they did with The Royal.

Yeah, but The Royal's got a sauna and a steam room.

We've got a shower that fogs up

cos the cord on the extractor fan's broke.

Hey, hang on...

Explains why there were no signs of forced entry.

-KEVIN:

-Charlie?

What's going on? Charlie?

This your son, madam?

I'm really sorry. Whatever he's done, we'll pay for the damages.

I'm not arresting him. He just prevented a burglary.

Was I a good boy, Mum?

Er...was he?

He's been a very brave kid. You should be very proud of him.

I don't WANT to be the Pride Of Scarborough.

Don't you want everyone to know what a brave thing you did?

No, I want to go on the Hurricane

and be spun around until I go, "BLEAURGH!"

Listen, if you just do this one thing for me,

then you can be sick as many times as you want. OK?

-But...

-You're doing it.

-Go and smarten yourself up - we're going in five minutes.

-Ugh!

Is this all because that Rigby lad pulled a horse out of a lake?

Course not.

See, this is exactly the sort of competitive nonsense

that will melt away when you get in the hot tub.

We're getting a hot tub?

Oh, yes indeedy.

The Bubbleator 2000.

180 jets, air injector, and a low-powered filtration...

Whatever! Can I have a hot tub party?

What's a hot tub for, if it's not for spreading the lurve?

Oh, wicked! Sophie Baxter's going to be gutted

when everyone comes to MY party instead of hers.

Or punishing an arch-enemy?

Listen, when the fitters come,

don't be running around getting them cups of tea and nibbles.

It makes you look soft.

No, it makes me look friendly.

They're not interested in being your friend, they're fitters.

Just let them do their job. It's not brain surgery.

It's just a machine.

Just a machine?

I suppose that's what you said about the toaster.

I...don't think I said anything about the toaster.

We're nothing to you! Nothing!

You've got that, haven't you? See you later!

I'd like to register a late entry, please. It's Charlie Enright.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Mrs Rigby.

Thanks for coming to show your support.

Nathan really appreciates it.

Oh, no... I'm here for my son, Charlie.

He foiled a burglary.

Really?

Brave boy.

I know.

Still, pulling a horse out of a lake, that's very impressive.

In its own way.

Wow. All these kids look really heroic.

Yeah, but I bet none of them has stopped a burglar.

No. And neither have we! You haven't STOPPED a burglar,

you ARE a burglar!

Ben! Careless talk costs lives. Probably yours.

I'm sorry. I spoke out of turn. I apologise.

Just promise me one more thing. No more lies.

I promise. I won't lie any more unless I think it'll really help.

Great, see you round mine.

Oh - don't tell Sophie.

I'd love to invite her,

but there's just not enough room in the hot tub.

See ya later.

Ha!

Get it while it's hot, boys.

Thanks, pal.

We'll put it close to the mains,

make sure the pressure's nice and high for you.

Put it where you like. You're the experts.

Just don't leave the toilet seat up or the wife'll kill me.

THEY LAUGH

Fairy cake?

The horse may have broken my leg...

How long does this go on for?

..but leaving it to suffer

would've broken my heart.

-ALL:

-Aww...

(That was very good.)

What's that? A prize?

It's the key to the city.

The key to the whole city?

Unlimited access?

We could go on the Hurricane as many times as we liked!

Go straight to the front of the queue.

Well, it's more of a cerem...

And next up we have...

-Charlie Enright.

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

This award is called Pride of Scarborough.

But really it should be called "Proud of Scarborough."

Because without the amazing support from this town

I could never have foiled that massive,

massive, MASSIVE burglary...

single-handed...

..against a big muscly man with nunchuks.

If this award has taught me anything

it's that they might be able to steal our games consoles

-but they'll never be able to take our courage!

-Ohh!

Of course. Of course he won.

I should learn to expect these things.

See, it's not about the glory, Mrs Rigby.

It's about doing the right thing.

Ooh, look, there's the photographer! Winner over here.

The fair closes soon. We don't have time for photos. Come on!

Charlie!

I think he's finding all the attention a bit overwhelming.

-You could always take a photo of the runner-up?

-No! No.

Come and take a picture of Charlie later, at our house.

Be more of a personal touch.

Right near the spot where he foiled the burglary.

Quick tidy-up...

Come on, then.

And...hot...

tub.

Hello?

What's happening now?

Close to the mains. Like you asked.

No. It needs to go out the back. You'll have to move it.

Sorry, we're late for another job.

-I don't want a hot tub in the front garden!

-It's not my problem, pal.

Come on. That's not fair. I made you tea! We talked about football.

You'll have to call the head office.

The fairy cakes, by the way - did you bake them yourself?

Yes, I did, actually, because

there's nothing wrong with being in touch with your sensitive side,

you bunch of slack-jawed cavemen!

Move! Out the way! Out the way! Move! Move! Move!

Three for the Hurricane, please.

Best seats you've got, right at the front.

He's just won the Pride of Scarborough.

I think it's gone to his head.

£6.

What? No. That's for normal citizens. I've got this.

That is not legal tender.

It's the key to the city.

It means I get to go on everything for free.

Who's next?

You can't do this to me! I'm the Pride of Scarborough!

I'll tell the Mayor on you!

Ow! Get off!

No. No. No. I don't think you understand.

I baked them fairy cakes. They can't do this to me.

Hello? Hello?

-What's this?

-This is the Bubbleator 2000 hot tub. Ta-dah!

But what's it doing there?

I...I asked them to put it there. I think it looks snazzy.

No. Ask them to move it.

Uh... Well, yeah, no, I can't do that. You see, I rang head office,

-and once it's been plumbed in they have to leave it.

-What?

This could be a good thing. It's starting a new trend.

Street-side hot tubs - just sit back and watch the world go by.

Hello, Mrs Parker!

Kevin! The Mayor's coming in an hour for a photo shoot.

The Mayor in the hot tub? Good idea!

No! She's not having a photo shoot in the hot tub!

It's for Charlie, he's won the Pride of Scarborough!

That's great news! Why don't we celebrate with a nice long soak?

-No-one's going to want to soak in that!

-Whoa.

I think you'll find the youth of today are a little more open-minded.

You have totally ruined my life!

OK, OK... We are pioneers here.

This is going to take a while to get used to.

It's like a walk-in shower or an indoor toilet.

Kevin, nobody is going to want to use a hot tub in the front garden.

You watch...

Kevin!

When people see me in this,

customers will be queuing around the block.

At least put some proper trunks on.

What's the matter, Helen? Afraid of the future?

Ah! Yes!

Oh. Hi, guys. The bins are over there. Yep.

Ooh.

I can't have a hot tub party in the front garden!

I can't think about your hot tub party now.

-I've got the Mayor coming.

-Great! Even the Mayor's against me!

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Hello, Mr Royce!

GIRLS LAUGH

Yeah, yeah, they laughed at the Wright brothers too,

and look where they are now!

Well, they're dead. But they were very popular.

That's what's wrong with people today. No vision.

This for the guests?

Oh, well... In theory...

The...

So...

How are you finding Scarborough?

It's all right.

Oh, yeah, stretch out. That's fine. Yeah. That's not weird.

Not weird at all.

Yes, he did. We're very proud of him.

-How long is this photographer going to be?

-Ssh!

CCTV footage on your laptop?

Well, I'm sure the police will be very interested

if you've got security footage.

I'm so sorry your holiday's been cut short, Mr Royce.

If there's anything we can do...

OK. Bye now.

-Where are you going?

-Erm...

Going to go and walk Ben back home

because you can never be too careful these days with all these criminals.

-No, no. You can't go anywhere until you've had your photo.

-But...

-Ah!

OK. We'll go to my room.

We'll go and delete the footage before the police see it.

But your mum said we can't go anywhere.

We're not going anywhere. We're going somewhere - Mr Royce's.

Now, come on.

The police took the key!

We could climb up the roof and go down the chimney.

Good idea!

Charlie...

-Charlie?

-Oh. Hi, Mr Royce.

We've just come to see how you were.

Oh, well, yeah... A bit shaken up, obviously,

-but listen, about earlier...

-Don't mention it.

I mean, anyone would do the same, especially for someone like you.

-Oh, thanks.

-Except for the part where I chased him over the fence,

that was pretty special.

I'd love to hear the whole story,

-but the police have asked me to do some checks, so...

-Typical!

They're making you do the work

while they sit around eating doughnuts, probably. Ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha! Doughnuts. Very good.

No, but... It's not fair, really, especially if you're shaken up.

-You just need to relax.

-Well, I suppose...

My dad's just got a new hot tub.

Really?

Yeah. Top of the range.

He reckons no-one else on the street would be able to afford it.

Does he now?

Well... Maybe I will pop round, just have a quick check.

Yeah. You treat yourself. I'll stay here and look out for burglars.

You know what? Maybe I should go too.

Just what I thought.

You distract him while Alison takes the key from his pocket.

-No, that's not exactly...

-Quiet!

It's a covert operation behind enemy lines.

I'm pretty sure it's called pickpocketing.

Strange place for a hot tub, though, isn't it, the front garden?

Well... Some of us don't follow trends, my friend, we set them.

Is this even legal?

Who knows? I'm pretty much too relaxed to even care.

OK, so here's the plan. I'll punch Ben on the nose.

-Sorry, what?

-Not hard. Just enough to draw some blood.

Are you out of your mind?

Then you'll run in, tell them you got attacked by a hooded man.

-They'll panic.

-I'm panicking!

-Then while they're distracted,

I'll go and get the keys out of Royce's clothes.

Genius, it'll definitely work.

If you like it so much, why doesn't she punch YOU on the nose?

I'm not doing it. Nose punching is a line that I will not...

Oh.

I wasn't expecting that one.

I loved the nose plan.

Consider it filed for future use.

Oh, come on!

-Hello.

-Hi.

Oh, thanks, Mum. These are for my party, yeah?

-If you want food, you make it yourself.

-Grr!

What's cornflour? Where's the food?

Anyone seen my flip-flops?

You're dripping all over the floor!

-Here. Stand on that.

-OK.

What? Why are you cooking?

The Mayor's coming. I can hardly serve her Hula Hoops.

We've got Hula Hoops? Where?

I don't know why you have to put on a big show.

We're a perfectly normal family.

We're probably being filmed right now. This'll be on Crimewatch.

Not if we wipe the footage.

Will you stop messing about?

There's three minutes until that alarm calls the police!

-Fingerprints!

-What?

Two minutes to go!

I can't find it. His filing system's a shambles.

Right, that's it. Let's take it back to mine, keep looking.

I'll bring it back tomorrow with a note saying sorry.

Robbing him again? That's your solution?

Trust me. I'm the Pride of Scarborough.

Welcome to our home. Go on through. Charlie will be down any minute.

He's just getting changed for the photo.

Are guests invited?

Oh, definitely. Please come and help us celebrate our triumph.

-(Where's Charlie?!)

-I dunno. He's not in his room.

Right. I'll keep them talking. You put some trousers on.

SIREN WAILS

Oh, dear. Sounds like another poor so-and-so's been burgled.

HOUSE ALARM WHOOPS

Hang on. That's my alarm!

Hello, hello.

Welcome to my party.

There it is.

There's not always a bloke in it!

Are you going to be long?

Hannah, are we having the party in your front garden?

Yeah. The front garden's where everyone has their hot tubs now.

I read about it in Vice.

Nibble?

Is that a Rich Tea biscuit with a cheese slice on it?

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah.

Laptop's missing. No sign of forced entry.

And you've got the spare key.

Fortunately my work laptop has GPS.

So all I need to do is open the security app, and...

PHONE BEEPS

..follow the beeps.

This is cool, isn't it?

Your brother's creeping me out.

I have to serve my human masters.

Enjoying the hot tub?

The factory men! They've come to re-programme me!

Hello? Can I help you?

We're investigating a robbery. And while we're here,

that piece of equipment is in clear breach of planning regulations.

We're going to have to shut it down.

You can't shut me down! They gave me feelings!

What's going on?

Ah, well. Thanks, Hannah. Still time to get to Sophie's.

-No! Don't go!

-Out of the way, Kevin. Police business.

Our shower's like a steam room!

Nobody ever knows they're raising a hero.

I mean, you hope, you pray, you try to do the right things, you know,

but at the end of the day

there was always this little voice inside my head saying...

-Helen, the police are here.

-"Helen, the police are..." What?

-The police?

They're probably here to congratulate Charlie.

Could you tell me what's going on, please?

We have reason to believe there is stolen property up here.

No, we're celebrating the Pride of Scarborough here.

-Don't be ridiculous! That's...

-Charlie's room?

Hello, everyone. Just catching up on some homework, you know.

PHONE BEEPS

Got to set a good example now I'm a role model.

BEEPING GETS FASTER

Oh, no, I wouldn't go in there if I was you.

It's full of dirty washing...

Hi, Mr Royce.

Surprise! We stopped another burglar...

He tried to steal that, so we took it off him and hid it.

In there. With Ben.

Don't worry, I'm not expecting a reward, you know.

Unless you're offering...?

Smile!

Help for Horses! Help for Horses!

How can this be right?

Collecting money for injured horses. And for what?

For setting an inspiring example to the local children?

What kind of lesson's that for a child?

It's a travesty of justice.