Halloween All At Sea


Halloween

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Transcript


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You can't confiscate private property!

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Who're you working for - the Sheriff of Nottingham?

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It's illegal to carry an offensive weapon on the street.

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But it's part of my Halloween costume! I'm the Grim Reaper.

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You'll think of something else. Little Bo Peep?

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That cost me two quid down the scrap yard!

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The government owes me two quid!

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Laugh it up, boys. But I'm taking names.

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Awww!

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-Tuttle.

-Did the nasty policemen ruin your little cossie?

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What's with the peg leg?

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Remember that kid trick or treating last year, with the broken arm?

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Oh, yeah, everyone felt sorry for her so she got all the best...

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Hang on a minute. You're pretending you've only got one leg!

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Genius, isn't it? I'm going out as Long John Silver.

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I've made up a really sad story.

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About how I lost my leg saving my puppy from a dolphin with rabies...

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Propaganda - he's winning hearts and minds.

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I'll be getting so much I'll be chucking half in the bin!

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Why don't you follow me round, pick it out?

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And he's pretending he has only got one leg!

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He can't do that! That is so wrong!

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I know. But it'll work.

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Once people see him acting all pathetic they'll...

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That's it! We'll go out before they see him! We'll go out really early!

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A pre-emptive strike? Outstanding!

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You know. Or we could just tell on him?

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Are you saying we should turn informer?

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Absolutely not. I was just testing you! You passed!

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Right. We'll go out really early and with great costumes!

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Ohh! My foot, it's agony! It's been shattered like glass.

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I am really sorry. The pumpkin just slipped out of my hands.

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Imagine if I was lying on the floor.

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That pumpkin would have gone straight on my head,

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I'd be dead by now!

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I'm writing my will in case I die.

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I'm leaving you Simon, Roger and Pete. Pete's the lamp.

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You are a bit young for a will, aren't you, love?

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But I might be taken.

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Nigel Thompson said Halloween is when ghosts and witches snatch children.

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There's no such thing as ghosts and witches.

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You said there are no wolves in England.

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And I found out there is - in the zoo.

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The only ghosts and witches that you see on Halloween are just

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-little kids dressing up.

-All of them?

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All of them. You've got nothing to worry about. It is absolutely fine.

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-OK, got the X-ray.

-My foot! It's like an animal's claw!

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That's what X-rays look like! She's more the creative type.

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Nothing broken. Just a tiny fracture of the little toe.

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That can't be right! I'm in agony!

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All right, I will get you a wheelchair.

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Unbelievable! What a witch!

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A nurse, Louie. She's just a nurse.

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Just been to the post office to pick up these.

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High-end fireworks, from Germany. Yeah.

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Nice to do something for the kids, isn't it?

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Yeah, they are great, the Germans. For the smaller rockets.

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-Connect to the network, OK?

-Yep.

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What's all this?

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For my fireworks.

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What?

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Once you scale up, you need computers.

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And a proper launch pad for the bigger rockets.

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The ones with the multi-programmable warheads.

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-Right...

-It's a lot of work, but it's worth it. For the kids.

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I need to go.

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Who?

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Nikola Tesla. The father of electricity.

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And he wears just a white coat? No mask or weapons?

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He is a real person.

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So was General Patton! But at least I made an effort.

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Real gabardine with authentic replica sidearm.

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But Mum took it. Said it looked too real.

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Just like my scythe. But I thought of how to make one that's even better.

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Oh, no! Your foot's broken?

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It's a slightly fractured toe.

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A toe! That's nothing. It's fine!

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-The pain I'm in and nobody even cares!

-We do.

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She doesn't! And she's the one who dropped that on me!

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Come on, let me give you a hand.

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Ohhh!

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Nice cup of tea?

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-Maybe...one of those.

-No way. They're for the trick or treaters.

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They are Swiss chocolate, top quality.

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-Too good for me, are they?

-Let her have a few.

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No, they cost me a fortune, these.

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Making up for last year when your dad gave out bargain store toffees.

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"All natural", it said on the label!

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Brought the kids out in orange hives.

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Why do my plans never work?

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I got fireworks for Bonfire Night, but Royce has to go one better.

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-Computerised, multiple warheads.

-I'm sure you can both do fireworks.

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No. This is me, this. I think too small.

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I'm tall, but inside, I'm a little, little man.

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Oh, don't you lot look great! Hang on a minute! Is that...? It is!

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The lamp out of the guest lounge!

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-We're just borrowing it! I'm being creative!

-Charlie! No!

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-No?

-NO!

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OK, then what about using this upside down?

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A brush?

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No, you're right. Pathetic, isn't it?

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A little man with a sparrow's heart.

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The Grim Reaper without a scythe!

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It's pathetic, no-one will give me anything! No-one will even...

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I've just had a stroke of genius!

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A wheelchair? What good is a wheelchair?

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That's really good, Ben, the way you're acting so sad.

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It's not an act! I am sad! I was going to be Tesla, the father of...

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Hey! Your costume was not up to scratch

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so you have to be the wheelchair guy!

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The FAKE wheelchair guy!

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And we said what Tuttle's doing was really bad. How is this different?

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We're doing this to stop him! We're fighting against evil!

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But don't you see? By fighting evil, we ourselves are becoming...

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OK, people, this is it! We're going in!

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What if someone recognises me?

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My good family name dragged in the mud!

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Who even talks like that?

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-Oh!

-Trick or treat!

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You're early. Lovely costumes!

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And you're...a monk?

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The Grim Reaper. I got my scythe took off me.

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Oh. And you're...?

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General George Smith Patton. At your service, ma'am.

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Sweet!

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And you're...?

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An Olympic gold medallist. It was always his dream.

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-Wasn't it, Jim?

-Mm.

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And then his family went on holiday to Africa

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and he got bitten by this thing like a mongoose, except bigger and he

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caught this disease and ever since his legs have been like rubber.

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Right, Jim?

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But I'm on the mend.

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You're such a brave boy.

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Here!

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You have to face the facts, Jim,

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you are going to be in this wheelchair for years.

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Oh, have the lot.

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Thanks. You're ever so kind.

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Feel the weight of that!

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Outstanding!

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I think this might be the worst thing we've ever done.

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-What? You should be proud!

-Proud?!

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Yeah, you made that lady feel really good about herself -

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she helped a poor kid in a wheelchair.

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Yeah, but I'm not a poor kid!

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I'm a liar, a fraud, a despicable...

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Ben! Save your energy, cos look!

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It's going to be a long campaign.

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Trick or treat!

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Oooh! Come in. Oooh, I am frightened to death!

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Look at you lot, you look fantastic.

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My mum said we're not to take anything from you

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if it came from a bargain store.

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No, no, we've lovely things!

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We've got Swiss chocolate... You stay there, I'll get you some.

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-Where's all the stuff I bought?

-My stomach, it's in agony.

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You've eaten the lot?!

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What am I going to use for trick or treats?

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First the pumpkin, then you feed me all the chocolate.

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-It's like you're out to get me.

-Please! There must be something...

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Bit of a problem with the chocolate.

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There you go, help yourselves to a digestive.

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My mum was right about you.

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She said, "Don't bother with the Enrights."

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Come on, let's go to a proper house.

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Your mum is wrong! We are good people in this house!

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Good people!

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Tonnes! Literally tonnes of chocolate!

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Supplies for the whole winter!

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Cheer up, Ben. Here, have some chocolate.

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I'll never eat chocolate again.

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You've ruined it for me after what I've done today.

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-Oi! What you doing out so early?

-Thought I'd get a head start.

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I can't get anything good. Everyone banging on about him.

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The brave boy in the wheelchair.

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Hang on! I know you!

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No...I am Jim. I live on...Bathurst Avenue.

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Maybe you have seen me down there, right on the other side of town.

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No, I saw you walking through the park the other week!

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Picking up dried leaves, putting them into a book and making notes.

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What're you doing? You can't pick on someone in a wheelchair!

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He's pretending! You stole my idea!

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You need to step away right now. Or I will hurt you.

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I'll be seeing you, mate. Count on it.

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Do you hear that? He'll be seeing me!

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-Sounds very threatening.

-Relax, Ben. We've got your back.

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Come on, can we go? We've made our point, had our fun.

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-It is time to stop.

-We will. After we have done loads more houses.

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Come on, guys, think about it!

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Which is more important, our reputations,

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the good names of our families, or a few bars of chocolate?

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Good point, Ben.

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BOTH: Chocolate!

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Mum! There's some children dressed up as ghosts!

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Ssh! They'll hear you!

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-If they're not real why are you scared?

-Louie, be quiet!

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-You mean they are real?

-Ssh!

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-KNOCKING

-Enough of the hiding!

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I'm not sneaking around my own house like a burglar.

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Who cares if a few kids say the Enrights didn't give them anything?

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I do. I do. I care. I always care. I am going to go to the shop.

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No treats, but here's a trick.

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And I will have a dozen of the mini-bars

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and two dozen chocolate coins.

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These are all high-quality stuff?

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The best. But is good to be careful.

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Last year, some man gave to my kids bad toffees.

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-Then they have orange lumps.

-Hives, probably.

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No, lumps. They had to go to hospital.

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If I could find that man...

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Oh, you have the old-fashioned fireworks. Look!

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-You want?

-Nah. I don't really do fireworks anymore.

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It's all about who has got the biggest. Pathetic, isn't it?

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No-one buys. Not even Tupelov, the best fireworks in the whole world.

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Tupelov?

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Are they legal?

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In many parts of Russia.

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What kills me is the trust in their eyes as we lie and cheat and...

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I'm parched. I know what'll cheer you up. We'll buy you a nice drink.

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-Pineapple?

-I just want to go home.

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-Yeah, we won't be a minute.

-Charlie! You can't just leave me here!

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Charlie!

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Lovely evening, isn't it? I'm just enjoying the fresh air.

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I'm not lonely. I'm just waiting for my mates.

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Hey, you!

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Charlie!

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I know you can walk!

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Charlie! Charlie!

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-Get back here!

-Charlie!

-I'm going to get you!

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Stop chasing me!

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Charlie! Tuttles!

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-I'm going to get you.

-Charlie!

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Help!

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Help! Help!

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Arghh! Help!

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Help!

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Are you all right?

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Tom! Tom!

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I'm fine! I'm fine!

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Oh! Your wheelchair - it's badly damaged.

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It's all right.

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I've actually landed in quite a comfortable position so, er...

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My friends will be along shortly.

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Tom! This poor boy! Let's get him inside.

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Er, no!

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Just... Just lean me up against the wall.

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My mum will find me, she always does.

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Don't be silly!

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Come on, Tom, I'm taking all the weight here!

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All right, Reggie. We'll patrol the house till Halloween is over.

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Make sure no witches or ghosts get in.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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OK, maybe we'll just patrol upstairs.

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There's someone there! I can see her!

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Have a look, can you see? Can you see?

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All right, let me see.

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Who's this coming?

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Ah, here he is!

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-All right there, Kevin?

-Yeah.

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-Oh!

-Helen?

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Hello!

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You've caught me doing a bit of um...cleaning.

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We did knock. Didn't you hear us?

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I must have been so absorbed.

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She loves cleaning, this one.

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When she starts, she's like a dog with a little chewy treat!

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Sorry, that came out wrong.

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Kids, kids, come on in! Come on in!

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Cleaning without cloths or mops. Just use your hand, do you?

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Hey, look, sweets!

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There you go! Kids, look at that!

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Hannah in? She texted about her broken foot.

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Yes, go through.

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Hey, Hannah! Brought you some magazines.

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Cheers.

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Your foot!

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I thought it would be in a cast.

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It's not that kind of break.

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Really? I thought a break always needed a cast.

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To knit the bone.

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I don't know, do I? I'm not a doctor!

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I'm in agony, and everyone is just on and on at me!

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Aren't you a bit old for trick-or-treating?

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I'm going to Wendy Stokes's party.

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Wendy Stokes is having a party?

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Yeah, massive fancy dress.

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Marquee, two bands, a proper DJ from Leeds...

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Didn't she tell you?

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Yeah, she did. I remember now.

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Pity you can't go. It'll be awesome.

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Yeah. This rotten foot...

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-Oh! You hear that?

-What?

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Something just clicked into place! It feels way better!

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Maybe I can go to the party.

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Why don't you have a little look at this?

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Right. Yeah. That is er... Phew!

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Summits at 5,000 feet.

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Then four 16-ounce warheads simultaneously detonate.

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Kaboom!

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Very spectacular.

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Yeah, fantastic. If anyone sees it.

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Sorry?

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People don't know you're doing fireworks. You haven't told them.

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-Oh...

-Pity really, after all the money you've spent.

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Guys! Let everyone know there's going to be a massive

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fireworks display right here!

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No, they're coming round to mine for Bonfire Night. It's a tradition.

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Tonight! It's happening tonight.

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What? You can't do that!

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Fireworks are for Bonfire Night!

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Well, the kids are out already, it's a nice little treat for them.

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They'll still come to your little thing with the sparklers

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and the jelly... Hopefully.

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Comfy?

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I'll call your mum. What's her number?

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5...4...

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I don't remember.

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That's not a problem. What's her name and address?

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Um... I don't remember.

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I don't remember anything from before the crash.

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Did you bang your head?

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I don't remember.

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What about your name?

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Wait! Your friend - he called you Jim!

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That sounds familiar.

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He's not answering.

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He's deserted. We'll have to abort.

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What? And give up on a tonne of chocolate?

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I don't think so! We need to find another wheelchair.

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Hospital!

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I don't think you should walk on a broken foot.

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Toe! It's just a toe!

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Shhh!

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Dad! My toe, it sort of clicked back into place, didn't it, Jenny?

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-Er...

-I think it's OK, I think I can go out now.

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Hang on a minute.

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Half an hour ago, it was, "Oh, the agony! Shoot me now!"

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-I got better.

-You are not walking on that foot, end of story.

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Walking! Of course not walking! I'll go in the wheelchair!

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Jenny's going to push me. Aren't you, Jenny?

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Yeah, sure.

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Well, that sounds all right...

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All right. Just for a little while.

0:20:110:20:14

I'll go and get your chair.

0:20:140:20:16

I've got this witch costume from last year.

0:20:160:20:18

It's actually pretty cool. This big wig and...

0:20:180:20:21

Er, the chair. It's gone.

0:20:210:20:25

Charlie!

0:20:250:20:28

Where's the wheelchairs? I could have been hit by a bus!

0:20:290:20:32

Or shot by a Glock nine millimetre.

0:20:320:20:34

Exactly. And no wheelchair! What kind of hospital has no wheelchairs?

0:20:340:20:38

Can I help you?

0:20:380:20:40

Yeah, we're here to see my dad.

0:20:400:20:43

-Mr Shaw?

-Yeah.

0:20:430:20:46

He's expecting you. Come on.

0:20:460:20:47

Oh, no, we know the way.

0:20:470:20:48

We're just going to pop to the shop and get him a few things first.

0:20:480:20:51

You've got to come now. He's about to go down for his op.

0:20:510:20:54

You all right?

0:20:560:20:58

No.

0:20:580:20:59

Look, I know you're disappointed, but there'll be other parties.

0:21:060:21:11

And they're never as good as you think.

0:21:120:21:14

You imagine all sorts, don't you?

0:21:140:21:16

Your mates out there having the best night of their lives.

0:21:160:21:20

Them thinking it's only so good because you're not there,

0:21:200:21:23

maybe you're holding them back...

0:21:230:21:26

Maybe if they drop you completely their lives will be better.

0:21:260:21:31

Then you end up all alone, no mates,

0:21:310:21:34

like that woman who dances on the side of the Bridlington bypass,

0:21:340:21:38

with the things in her hair and the gums.

0:21:380:21:42

But you know, it's just tricks of the mind.

0:21:420:21:46

In all honesty, that will most probably...

0:21:460:21:51

not happen to you.

0:21:510:21:52

So... Yeah?

0:21:520:21:54

Yeah?

0:21:550:21:57

This lad, can you show me where he is?

0:22:100:22:12

He's in here. ..Oh!

0:22:120:22:14

Not used to your chair.

0:22:170:22:20

I overstretched a bit and took a... Took a tumble.

0:22:200:22:23

Well, it was a bit more of a rolling tumble...

0:22:270:22:32

All right, Jim. Right, we're going to lift you.

0:22:340:22:38

OK, on one, two, three!

0:22:380:22:40

Right, we need to get you some proper help.

0:22:440:22:47

Mr Shaw, someone here to see you.

0:22:530:22:55

All right, Dad?

0:22:560:22:58

Who's this?

0:22:580:23:00

It's the anaesthetic. Your dad's a little disorientated.

0:23:000:23:03

It's not the anaesthetic!

0:23:030:23:05

I've never seen these two before in my life!

0:23:050:23:07

It's me, your son! Henry!

0:23:070:23:09

What's going on?

0:23:090:23:11

Say goodbye to your dad.

0:23:110:23:12

-You've got me mixed up!

-Bye, Dad. Love you.

0:23:120:23:14

I don't want the operation! This is ridiculous.

0:23:140:23:17

See you on the other side. Hopefully.

0:23:170:23:19

You've got the wrong man!

0:23:190:23:20

Don't worry, he'll be fine.

0:23:200:23:23

No, stop!

0:23:230:23:24

It won't be dark for an hour. You can't expect us to wait!

0:23:250:23:28

Half an hour. It'll be dark enough then.

0:23:280:23:30

These kids are trick or treating.

0:23:300:23:32

If they don't go now, all the chocolate will be gone!

0:23:320:23:34

No, no! We're going to start the fireworks right now!

0:23:340:23:37

Daytime fireworks? Don't be ridiculous!

0:23:370:23:40

We're going to start with this one.

0:23:400:23:42

Ah-ha, me hearties!

0:24:250:24:27

A pirate! Brilliant!

0:24:270:24:29

It's not just a costume. I really do only have one leg.

0:24:290:24:31

My pup, Freddie, was attacked by this dolphin with rabies.

0:24:310:24:34

Fantastic!

0:24:340:24:35

If anyone asks where you got these very expensive sweets,

0:24:350:24:39

you say Brookville B&B.

0:24:390:24:41

OK, got that?

0:24:410:24:42

Brookville. B-R-O... Oh, look!

0:24:420:24:44

Whoo!

0:24:520:24:54

Whoo!

0:24:570:24:58

Kevin, do something!

0:25:080:25:10

It's fine. It's fine!

0:25:100:25:12

It's not fine! Just run! Run, run!

0:25:130:25:16

Take cover!

0:25:160:25:17

I think you've been really brave, Reggie...

0:25:170:25:20

Get out, witch! Get out!

0:25:200:25:21

Stop!

0:25:210:25:23

Run for your lives.

0:25:240:25:26

Take cover! Take cover!

0:25:260:25:28

Get out! Get out!

0:25:340:25:36

What are you doing?

0:25:360:25:37

Hannah!

0:25:450:25:47

Wooo! Yeah!

0:26:030:26:04

That was great, guys, wasn't it?

0:26:040:26:07

Yeah!

0:26:070:26:09

Right. Come on, we're going. It's not safe here.

0:26:090:26:12

Come on. Surprised at you, surprised, Kevin.

0:26:120:26:15

Firework like that - it needs proper anchoring.

0:26:150:26:18

Just a slight miscalculation. Don't go!

0:26:180:26:21

Do you want to give me five minutes before I put the rockets on, or...?

0:26:260:26:29

No. Yeah...

0:26:290:26:31

He'll wake up perfect. This'll be like a dream.

0:26:340:26:37

But Dad! He didn't even know who I was.

0:26:390:26:41

Don't worry, love.

0:26:410:26:43

Maybe I just need a rest.

0:26:430:26:44

-Maybe I could just sit in that wheelchair for a minute.

-Of course.

0:26:440:26:49

Maybe you could leave me outside for a bit, in the fresh air...

0:26:530:26:57

Good idea.

0:26:570:26:58

Don't worry, Jim, top class team here.

0:27:010:27:04

They'll find out exactly what's wrong with you.

0:27:040:27:06

No man left behind.

0:27:100:27:12

A wheelchair! I need a wheelchair!

0:27:120:27:14

My leg! Watch my leg!

0:27:140:27:16

What's happening now?

0:27:160:27:18

Charlie, are you all right?

0:27:180:27:19

He's fine. He's just a bit upset about his dad's operation.

0:27:190:27:22

Charlie?

0:27:270:27:29

Charlie!

0:27:290:27:30

How can this be right? Cleaning up after the council bonfire!

0:27:330:27:37

And for what? For being creative with my Halloween costume!

0:27:370:27:41

What kind of lesson is that for a child?

0:27:410:27:43

It's a travesty of justice!

0:27:430:27:45

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