Episode 14 All Over the Place

Join us for a madcap dash through the most bonkers events Down Under.

Ed takes on Johny...

Naomi...

Cel...

Michelle...

and Iain.

It's the All Over The Place main event special.

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest

# Me and my mates all over the place!

# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange but true!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# The stuff down under is totally ace

-# And it turns up...

-# ..all over the place! #

# Ed versus...

# Everyone! #

It's the end! The end! The end!

..of this series of All Over The Place.

We've had a blast here in Australia, and what better way of celebrating

than cobbling together... I mean, looking back over some highlights?

Now, you've probably noticed how competitive my fellow presenters are

in the final section of the show - the main event.

What feeds their insatiable urge to win at all costs?

Well, it's this.

No, sorry, that's my lunch.

It's this, the All Over The Place

Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy.

FANFARE

Looks remarkably similar to our normal trophy.

Now, no award show is complete without a montage,

so let's look back at some of this series' best bits.

Ow!

Faster, don't let them win! Oh, no!

# Da-da-da-da Team Iain! #

Whoa-ho-ho!

I'm going to get them.

THEY CHEER

Hiya! What's this?

-There it is, there it is.

-Aaarghh!

Now, it's time to say hello to Iain Stirling.

-Hello.

-Welcome to the award show

for the All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy.

FANFARE

So the All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy?

FANFARE

Erm, don't do that. That's my thing, mentioning

the All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy.

FANFARE

Cos I like this sound effect.

FANFARE

Oh, in that case, I will not mention

-the All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event...

-Ah-ah-ah! Ah.

Sorry. Don't want to annoy you, what with you being a judge and all.

Ed, can I just say what lovely breath you have?

And can I just say how bad at trying to win over judges you are?

What's the point, then? You're never going to let me win.

I've beaten you in every event we've ever done.

Apart from onion eating in series one.

Yay!

I let him win. I just didn't want to eat an entire onion.

Think of the indigestion.

My indigestion's pretty much cleared up now, actually.

HE BELCHES

Yeah. You can look at me like that all you want,

but doing onion burps for three years is a small price to pay

to watch your face when you lose something. Here's Iain,

probably not losing something.

The first event Iain has nominated

for the Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy

is in Eden, New South Wales.

And it looks like they're having a whale of a time.

They really are, because this is actually a whale festival,

and that means a chance to spot some of these marvellous mammals

-before the main event.

-There it is, there it is!

-Aaargh!

Two of them right next to each other! Look, look!

Right, stop that, and start competing.

It's time for the Capstan Pull.

Teams have to turn this cog around,

which pulls a metal whale up this steep hill.

The fastest team wins,

and Ed and Iain have recruited some scouts to help out.

First up, it's Team Ed.

Haul this whale like he's never been hauled before!

And they're off! They're off and running.

And the whale is moving already, heading up the hill.

Looking quite fast.

Slick teamwork.

They're really holding this together. This is impressive.

Come on, guys, you're doing great! Keep going!

Oh, no, they've lost a Scout!

We lost one, we lost one!

They're over the line at last!

We lost two Scouts, but it was a sacrifice worth making.

The whale's moved back to the start line

and it's time for Team Iain to move that mammal!

Oh, they're off and running.

Don't fall over, Iain.

-Come on!

-You've lost a Scout!

He's lost two Scouts already.

Get in!

How bossy.

Don't lose any more Scouts, Iain.

-Come on!

-Listen to him.

Oh, and it's over the finish line!

That seemed quite fast.

-You lost a couple of Scouts as well.

-I was the only one pushing!

Well, you must have pushed hard.

Ed finished in 49 seconds, and Iain did it in three seconds less,

so Iain wins!

In your face, man!

-Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

-I've gone off whales.

Iain's second nomination to win this very desirable award

takes place in Surfers Paradise, Queensland.

And it's all to play for between these two fierce rivals

in the surf boat competition.

They each join a team to battle it out to be crowned

champions of the surf.

The teams have to row through these huge waves,

go round the markers and then get back to shore.

Fastest boat wins, but the massive waves and high winds on the day

means the boys are not allowed to take part, so

now Ed and Iain will cheer the teams on from the safety of the shore.

And away they go! Row, row, row your boats, gently down the...

No, don't go gently, go quickly!

Team Ed are wearing white caps, Team Iain are in blue.

-But are either team getting ahead yet?

-My lads are in front!

-Like a roller coaster, isn't it?

-We put that camera on the guy's head.

If that's still there by the time they come to land, I'll be surprised.

-Come on, guys!

-Come on, Team Ed. Come on! Slow and steady wins the race.

It couldn't be any closer.

Both teams are powering through the water like speedboats.

My team are absolutely smashing it.

I don't think they are.

-They are!

-They're as equal as mine.

Iain's team are past the floating marker,

with Ed's team very close behind.

Come on, Team Ed!

Both boats are on the home stretch now,

and, at this point, their arms and legs will be aching.

-It's so close.

-They're just in front!

Oh, yours have caught the surf.

My guys just caught the wave.

It looks like Iain's team have definitely pulled ahead now,

but Ed's team haven't given up.

-Come on, lads!

-Oh, no! No, no!

Yes!

-No!

-Yes!

-Iain surfs to another victory.

-Yes!

Even when Iain Stirling's not doing something,

he beats me in the main event. Gah!

Let's say hello to Mr Johny Pitts.

Johny. What do you think makes you a heavyweight this year?

I'd have to say it's probably all these Australian lamingtons

I've been eating, Ed. They're gorgeous.

A lamington is an Australian sponge cake covered in chocolate

and sprinkled with coconut, named after Lord Lamington,

Governor of Queensland in 1901.

Other Australian confectionery items are available.

No, I wasn't talking about your waistline.

What do you think makes you a heavyweight in

this year's All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy?

FANFARE

Well, I'd have to say, I stunned the crowds at the drovers' festival

and I really pushed the limits at the Henley-on-Todd Regatta.

Oh, and I bought you this lovely lamington, Ed.

Oh, wow, thank you.

Well, as the judge, I do have to remain impartial.

But I am going to eat this anyway.

Oh, yeah. These are lovely.

I'm definitely going to let you win.

Yeah. If you give me that other one. Give me the other one.

Here's Johny being brilliant!

The first event Johny has nominated to win this fabulous trophy

takes place in Camooweal, Queensland.

This is the drovers' festival

and Ed and Johny are going head-to-head in the mail race.

They both have to make like horses

and pull people around in carts - obviously.

Teams of four have to race a car down the highway

while picking up and dropping off mail and passengers along the way.

The first team across the line wins.

And they're off and running under a scorching Queensland sun.

They're pounding down this highway

and it looks to me like...yes, Ed seems to be just edging ahead,

but it's still pretty much neck-and-neck

as they come up to the first stop.

The first stop is the mail sack pick-up.

The whole thing here is getting out, getting the mail sack

and getting back into the cart as quickly as possible.

Ed's looking confident.

Johny's not. He's panicking.

And quite rightly so, cos Ed's away!

His team are off and running. Come on, Team Ed.

Oh, Johny is picking up the pace,

and as they come to... I don't believe it, Johny is overtaking Ed!

I think he's struggling as we reach the halfway stage here.

They've picked up the last passenger and it's the home straight.

-Who'll be the fastest postman?

-ED GROANS

Listen to Ed. I think he's really struggling.

Team Johny is pulling away in front

as we get to the last delivery at the hotel.

This is wide open, it's all to play for.

Who will emerge victorious from the Hotel?

Is that Johny? It is Johny.

They're heading for the finish line!

And they're over the finish line! Team Johny wins!

Time for a sweaty hug. Eugh!

I feel like my lungs are sticking to the inside of my chest.

Oh!

Johny's second nominated event is the Henley-on-Todd Regatta

in Alice Springs, Northern Territory.

This is one of the world's oddest river races,

because there's no water involved.

Every year, people race up and down the dry sandy bed of the Todd River

in very unusual ways.

Ed and Johny are taking part in the kayak race.

No paddles needed, but who will be the fastest?

OK, fellas. Now!

GUNSHOT

First up is Johny.

Oh, here he goes.

Johny's lagging behind there.

Don't fall over, Johny!

Don't fall over, Johny!

So, can you do better, Ed?

GUNSHOT

Oh, look at that!

Oh, this is quite difficult.

Oh, no, the wind's against me.

Arrggh!

That means a head-to-head kayak race to decide the winner.

I really don't want to do this again.

I also really don't want to lose to Johny.

OK, here it goes, I really want to beat him, really want to beat him.

I'm going to give it everything.

Here we go, Johny. Don't be rubbish.

GUNSHOT

And they're pounding down the sand!

In this burning heat, they're going kayak crazy out there

and, as they get to the turn,

it's neck and neck. But oh, I think Ed is just slipping ahead.

Yes, edging ahead, it's going to be Ed. Ed wins.

I was so worried he was going to drop the camera on the... Oh.

So far, the competition for this award has been stiffer than

Harry Styles' mum's face when she saw his tattoos.

But it's about to get even stiffer -

the competition, not Harry Styles's mum's face,

cos look who it is, Michelle Ackerley. Do you think

you've got what it takes to win

the All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy?

FANFARE

-You bet I do!

-What do you think you have

that the other presenters haven't,

-apart from big hair?

-I take no prisoners, Ed.

That's good, isn't it? Cos you're not a qualified High Court judge.

No, I wasn't talking literally.

-Right.

-What I mean is, I'm the man.

Really? I would never have guessed.

No, I think you're misunderstanding me here.

What I'm trying to get at is, I'm the best presenter.

Oh! Right.

Bit arrogant.

-Is that why you've got such big hair, to hide your big head?

-Grr!

Remember, I am the judge. Actually, why have you got such big hair?

Mostly, to do things like this.

-For me?

-They're for you.

-Oh, wow.

Well, let's have a look at Michelle's nominated events to see

if she's got what it takes to get her hair...I mean, her hands

on that lovely trophy.

These are my favourite. How did you know?

Michelle has chosen to nominate the gold dig as her first event,

so let's head to Ararat, Victoria.

Yup, Michelle and Ed will really have to dig deep

to try and win this one. Armed with spades and metal detectors,

they have to go hunting for gold.

The winner will be the one who finds the most riches,

either some specially hidden gold... Ooh!

..or some low-value coins scattered around

in case they miss the real treasure. Not so ooh.

Although they do get to keep the coins.

-Metal detector primed and ready, Michelle?

-Let's do this.

METAL DETECTOR WHINES

Yes! Get the pickaxe. OK.

Oh-oh-oh! I've found something!

-Yes! Yes!

-Well done, Michelle.

That's a whole five cents. Not even 3p.

-METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

-I've found the toilet.

Definitely made of metal.

Another five cents!

That's more "cents" than Petrie's ever had. Get it?

Amazing to think this is how some people spend their entire week...

Oh, it's a nail!

It's a nail!

-Doesn't look like gold.

-I see what's happening here.

Wonder how long it'll take him to work out he's wearing a gold ring.

I'm not imagining this. This rock...

is making a noise.

So there must be some metal in here. Oh, hang on.

-I've got a ring on.

-Yes, you do.

METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

Oh, you're joking.

-That's a really strong signal, as well.

-Oh...

SHE GASPS

I've found something!

I've found gold!

Wow! Actual gold! Eureka!

Michelle wins!

Michelle's second nomination to win this prestigious trophy means

a trip to Derby, Tasmania.

I hope Ed and Michelle are ready for this, the Derby River Derby.

They'll be joining up with different teams to take part in

this home-made raft race,

and, as well as facing some bumpy stretches of river,

the teams will also be pelted with water balloons.

Staying dry is definitely not an option.

SCREAMING

Team Ed and Team Michelle have to paddle

like they've never paddled before.

But it's not the best start for Team Ed on the black raft.

They seem to have already taken a wrong turn. Oops!

Which means Team Michelle,

on the blue raft, have a head start.

Can Team Ed paddle their way back?

We're winning!

Stop throwing things at us! Why can't you just be nice to people?

Why can't you just keep paddling, Ed?

You're starting to catch Michelle up.

But Team Michelle are first to face the choppy waters.

Will their home-made boat stay afloat?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Team Ed are hot on their heels,

but will they and their raft keep it together?

What is going on here?

Team Michelle survived, but where's Team Ed?

Ah, there they are.

They made it, but can they catch up with Team Michelle

as both teams race to the finish line?

No, they can't, and Michelle's team cross the finish line first.

Splashing good stuff!

Wetter... I mean, better luck next time, Ed.

-In your face, Ed Petrie!

-We did our best but it wasn't good enough.

I'm so proud. Yes! We did it!

Now, let's say hello to Mr Cel Spellman.

Cel, why do you think you've got what it takes to win

the All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy?

FANFARE

I'd be very surprised if I didn't win.

Just think to all those fun times we've had over the years.

Cowpat throwing in Wisconsin...

Here we go. It's a long one. And oh, it's a good one.

THEY CHUCKLE

Then there's all those aliens at the Sputnik Festival.

HE MAKES MUFFLED NOISES

Oh, remember that time in Michigan when I dressed up as a fairy

and danced down the street in a green tutu?

Ah, Ed, I wish you hadn't put that thought into my head.

Remember, I am the judge for this trophy, so if you want to win...

Oh, well, green really is your colour. Brings out your eyes.

Thank you very much. Let's see how Cel did

in his favourite ridiculous Australian event.

But not as ridiculous as a six-foot man with award-winning chicken legs

prancing around the streets.

-Ssh.

-Sorry.

Cel's first nomination to try and win the Best Presenter

In The Main Event Trophy takes us to Mullewa, Western Australia.

It's certainly going to be a close shave as to who wins this one.

That's because they're here to take part in a sheep-shearing

competition. Basically, it's giving a sheep a haircut.

The challenge is to do it in the fastest time,

but you also have to make sure you don't mark the sheep.

A good haircut wins you three green lights,

so skill and speed both count in this event. Ed's first up.

A confident start by Ed...who chooses to go for the leg first?!

-Beautiful!

-And now he's shearing the back.

Hopefully get a nice finish.

Ed is clearly going for quality over speed here. Yawn!

-Finally he's on the last leg.

-Are you done?

Am I done? Oh!

Good on yer, mate.

Ed eventually clocks in

in a painfully slow eight minutes and three seconds,

and one, two, three green lights from the judges.

Top marks, Mr Petrie.

Now it's Cel's turn.

Can he beat Ed's time and get three green lights?

Looks like Cel's choosing speed over quality

by the looks of that haircut.

Cel is flying now onto the back.

Oops, I think he's nicked the sheep a tiny bit there.

That could be costly.

This one's going to be as close as that haircut.

And he's done. Whew!

APPLAUSE

Let him go between your legs.

Cel has beaten Ed by an impressive 23 seconds

but he needs three green lights to win. He's got one...

He's got two...

He's got... Oh, no! It's a red because of that little nick!

-So Ed wins.

-Not baaaad!

Cel's next tussle with Ed to try

and win the trophy takes place in Trundle, New South Wales.

And it's all about top nosh here at the Bush Tucker Day.

This is a celebration of cooking local food

found in the Aussie countryside,

and all of the food is cooked in the ground.

To win, the boys must prepare a bush tucker meal,

with a little help from their Aussie pals, Digger and Shovel.

The judges will decide who wins,

and the loser must eat a famous Aussie delicacy,

a fright witchetty grub. Yum, yum...

The crowds are gathering. They must smell something nice,

but who will enjoy the sweet smell of success,

and who will taste bitter defeat,

and by that I mean a pan-fried witchetty grub? Bleugh!

The clock is ticking. Time to plate up, people.

I can hardly hold myself back from eating that now.

Attention to detail. That's what me and Digger are about.

-FRENCH VOICE:

-Cel and Digger have created cod on a log,

Thai curried cod poached in a coconut jus,

accompanied by sweet potato crisps

with another massive piece of fish.

Ed and Shovel have created gingan rosti cod, seared blue-eyed cod

in a garden of Asian leaf

with a red onion rosti served on an oven lid.

Will it be enough to impress the judges?

The public have been trying to eat it.

I've been fighting them off with a stick.

All right, Ed, stop showing off. It's all about the food now.

Ah, my goodness!

Who will emerge victorious?

The winner...

-is Ed and Shovel.

-Oh, yes!

I am the winner! I don't have to eat a witchetty grub.

I'm so glad I'm not you.

-This is it, is it?

-This is it, Cel.

RETCHING

That will do.

Hello, Naomi Wilkinson. Thank you for joining us

for the All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy.

FANFARE

Wouldn't miss this for the world, Ed. Right. Ahem.

"All those other programmes I present like Naomi's Nightmares or Wild

"are rubbish... compared to your brilliant show.

"And to win this trophy would be the proudest moment of my career."

-Did I read that OK?

-Very good, yes.

And you're the judge of this, yeah?

So I haven't just been rude about my own programmes for nothing.

As the judge, it would be inappropriate of me to comment,

but would I do that to you?

Tell you what, it's thirsty work, isn't it, presenting in Austria?

-I could really do with a nice, refreshing drink.

-Don't worry, Ed.

I will get one for you.

-Here you are.

-Thank you very much.

Actually, I don't think I want this now.

Remember, I am the judge.

Let's see if Naomi kept her cool as well in this event.

Naomi's first nomination to try and win this amazing prize means

a trip to the toilet in Winton, Queensland.

This is the Dunny Derby,

which takes place during Winton's Outback Festival.

A dunny is Australian for a loo,

and this event really is about racing toilets. Of course it is!

With some very portable loos on display,

Ed becomes Jeremy Clarksbum from Plop Gear,

and Naomi is Dr Poo,

but who will be number one and who will end up number two?

And they're off, and so are the pants,

because they have to race with their pants around their ankles

to the toilets and take a seat on the loo.

Naomi gets there first. Ed is already...behind.

Now their team-mates must drag the dunny round the course,

stopping to pick up items you might find in the toilet as they go.

And it's round the U-bend.

Ed really needs to make a big splash here.

Oh, Ed's got his loo roll.

Everybody push really hard, except for you, Ed.

Naomi is in the first place, but Clarksbum is clinging on.

Come on, Dr Poo!

Naomi has the brush! Don't use it in your hair.

Oh, and now Ed has his brush...

..and Naomi has got the paper, she's got all three objects now!

Come on, Jezzers, come on!

Turn, turn, turn, turn!

Clarksbum squats - gets the newspaper!

Yeah!

Naomi is in the lead.

But Ed is stuck in the U-bend.

No coming in number two. No, no, no.

Woo! No number two here. First place!

And Naomi trots to victory.

You're slower than James May!

Finally, we're off to Ceduna in South Australia.

Will Naomi's second nomination be the one that wins her the trophy?

This is the Oyster Fest, a celebration of all things oystery,

so there's no prizes for guessing that the main event means

Ed and Naomi will have to swallow more than their pride to win.

Yup, you guessed it,

they need to swallow oysters,

fed to them by expert oyster openers, so don't try this at home.

Walking to my doom.

I don't want to do it! I've never had an oyster before.

Pretend you're in a posh restaurant.

Go!

Wow, that was quick. One oyster, Ed. Well done.

That's so salty.

It's like eating the sea.

And one for Naomi.

That's like eating a rock pool. Urgh!

Oh, two, Ed. Brilliant. Yuck.

It's horrible! I don't like these!

It's like eating slugs!

Naomi's struggling. Just spit it out.

Two for Naomi.

-No!

-Sure?

No more?

LAUGHTER

That's three for Ed. I don't know how he's doing this.

People pay good money for this?

Come on. Keep it in your mouth, Naomi.

-I couldn't do it, though.

-It's disgusting, I can't do this, Ed.

And four for Ed. How does he...?

And number five.

-Urgh!

-I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it.

And six for Ed.

And three for Naomi.

It's like swallowing an egg.

Oh, it's in. It out.

-I'm shaking.

-Arrgh!

Seven for Ed. Unbelievable.

That's disgusting. Eight for Ed.

-Ready?

-Yeah.

Unbelievable. Number nine.

Naomi, you only need to eat six in one go and you'll be there.

BELL RINGS

-What's that?

-The bell, thank goodness.

And Ed wins.

The taste of victory.

Still got one there. You missed one, you missed one.

-No, I spit it down again.

-Ah, no!

Very strong events there.

And five very...weird, but rather wonderful presenters.

However, there can only be one winner

of the All Over The Place Best Presenter In The Main Event Trophy.

FANFARE

And that presenter is...

..me! It's me!

Incredible scenes here Down Under as the crowd go wild.

I'd just like to thank myself for fixing this award ceremony. and...

Oh, I'm going to start crying, I'm so overcome with emotion.

Here is a montage of my best bets.

MUSIC: "I Love It" by Icona Pop

Winner right here!

Oh.

I can hardly hold myself back from eating that.

Thank you, Townsville.

I appreciate your support. They're booing me over there.

What do I do with this?

THEY LAUGH

-Why am I hugging you? I don't know.

-Get off me.

The Aussies are going to love it. Finished!

What is going on here?

Hey!

You've been watching All Over The Place: Australia!