Episode 4 All Over the Place

If you want to know why I am at Northern Queensland,

dressed like this, smashing these, then keep watching!

Ed's finally cracked up, which is just as well, as we are going

on a bonkers road trip around Australia with Iain...

Naomi...

You can't win this game!

..Cel...

Why?!

Michelle...

..and Ore.

G'day, mate. Strewth, my old cobber.

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, South, East, West On a bizarre quest

# Me and my mates all over the place

# It is true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange but true

# All over the place All over the place

# There's stuff to do down under It's totally ace

# And it turns up...

# All over the place. #

First up, we're off to Mount Kosciuszko,

named after a Polish man who never even visited Australia.

MUSIC: "The Blue Danube Waltz" by Johann Strauss

Meanwhile, this is some music by Johann Strauss, who was Austrian,

not Australian. Who picked this music?

And what are these two up to?!

Oi, get on with it, lads!

You are supposed to be climbing Mount Kosciuszko,

not messing around at the bottom.

All right, mate, we are just

having some fun on these little electric scooters we have

to climb that massive mountain.

-We're not climbing the mountain, Iain.

-Really?

Right, I'll get my jet pack. I think it's getting serviced in the hotel.

Don't worry, I'll get my massive human catapult.

Sarcasm really doesn't suit you.

We are going to climb that mountain but I promise our feet

are going to barely touch the ground. Come on!

Ed, I do actually have the jet pack. Ed!

HE SIGHS

No jet packs required, Iain, this is Mount Kosciuszko,

which is the highest mountain in Australia.

Snow in Australia? Yes, even in spring.

Not surprising if I tell you that Kosciuszko is in a place

called the Snowy Mountains, and it has a ski resort attached.

Iain, you know I said we were going to climb the mountain

and our feet would barely touch the ground?

-Yeah, not possible.

-Oh, yes? Well, check this out.

Ed, listen. We've got a mountain to climb, a massive mountain, we've not

-got time for the funfair, OK?

-They're chairlifts, Iain.

They get you up the mountain.

Really? What are we waiting for, then? I've got a need for speed.

-Woo-hoo!

-Woo-hoo!

ROCK MUSIC

SLOW MUSIC

Ed? If I am being totally honest, this could have been a little

-bit faster.

-I kind of like it.

Fancy a cup of tea?

Good grief, your rock 'n' roll reputation is fading away fast.

Which is the same length

as 316 Taylor Swifts.

It takes 12 minutes to go up, and 12 minutes to go back down again.

It's the height of laziness, if you ask me.

Ed, I really need a wee.

I've just had a flask of tea, how do you think I feel?

Can't we just go over that way?

-VOICEOVER MAN:

-'Ed and Iain! You have 47 seconds to find out

'as much as you can about Mount Kosciuszko.

'Ed, you've got Susie who knows about the history.

'Iain, you've got Dan who knows about its geography.

'Whoever finds out the most facts is the winner.

'Three, two, one, go!'

-How tall is the mountain?

-2,228m above sea level.

When was it discovered?

It was discovered by Strzelecki, a Polish character in 1840.

-What is it made out of?

-Granite.

-How long has it been a resort?

-Since 1957.

How cold does it get in the winter?

Minus five is the average temperature in June and July.

-What sort of wildlife to get on the mountains?

-Lots, lots.

We get some that live above the snow, some live under the snow.

How do Australians deal with that?

Do they say, "Oh, mate, I can't take this," and go back down?

There are lots of ways. Lots of jackets, lots of pants.

What animals live under the snow?

There's all kinds of little native rats and marsupials.

There's a tiny little pygmy possum and they live under the snow

all winter, and they crawl around and eat the fruits in the summer.

-How do you pronounce the mountain's name?

-Kosciuszko.

-Kosi-osko?

-Kosciuszko.

-Kos-isko.

-Kosciuszko.

-KLAXON SOUNDS

-Come on!

-Oh!

-VOICEOVER MAN:

-'And the person who found out the most facts is...

-'..Ed.'

-Yes!

-Oh, no!

-Yes, I am the winner!

Always nice to beat you at something! Back to business.

-Ed, I still really need that wee.

-Yes, me too.

Well, this is the second highest toilet in Australia

so it should be all right.

-Out of order?

-You've got to be joking me!

Maybe it's not that bad now.

-Never talk of this again.

-Where is the highest toilet in Australia?

-It's a 4km walk that way.

-Not doing that.

We need to get to the bottom and fast.

If only we had, like, a magic wand or a bobsleigh.

Ah... It's funny you should say that.

He's got a magic wand?!

'Ed and Iain! You...'

Voiceover man, our need to relieve ourselves

has reached critical point, OK? First to the bottom is the

winner, and the loser has to carry the winner on their shoulders to

-their hotel room, OK?

-Deal.

-OK.

'How rude. But OK.

'Three, two, one, go!

'You're next, Ed. Three, two...

'Oh, he must be thirsty.'

So the race is on to get to the loo down this 700m long bobsleigh track.

That is the same length as 358 Usain Bolts,

and speaking of bolts, look at these boys go. They are like lightning.

Stirling's thundering down the track and Petrie's powering down

so fast, I think he's left scorch marks.

Who is going to be fastest and win the honour

of being carried to the loo?

'And the winner is...'

Hurry up, voiceover man.

'Years at acting school for this. It's Ed.'

-Yes!

-Oh, no.

-Yes, one free ride home!

-There you go. Erm, Ed...

-Yeah?

Have you got a water bottle in your pocket? I am soaked.

Oh... Yes... Yes, yes, that's my water bottle...

It's warm.

-David, you are Automata Man.

-Thanks very much.

I've been called a few things, but not that before,

but that's pretty cool. Do you know what an automata is?

-No, I don't.

-Automatas are toys.

Basically, toys that have movement or mechanisms

to make them move.

-This is a very simple example.

-It's quite freaky, that.

-It is a bit.

-What's his name?

-Dizzy Donkey.

-I can see why!

-So...

-What do you like about them?

-The challenge of making them work,

but at the end of the day, I like someone to come along, wind

-the handle, and get it to work.

-Could we have a look around?

Yes, no worries, come this way.

David doesn't only collect these contraptions, he builds them, too.

Automata have a long history, maybe stretching back as far as

ancient Greece. It used to be that only very rich people could

afford them, but over the last hundred and a bit years they

have become more popular, and you'll find them at places like

the seaside. Think of them as early arcade games.

So, get your coins ready.

Oh, what does this creepy looking one do?

This is the Haunted Tavern, it's actually one of my favourites.

-Can we have a look and see what happens?

-Sure.

-I've left my wallet at home, David.

-Oh!

-I have a dollar here.

-Thankfully!

Oh! That spider is going crazy. Is that a redback?

That is a redback.

I like the hand coming out of the cupboard.

-Who is behind the picture?

-That's a werewolf, a good friend of mine,

no resemblance at all!

THEY LAUGH

I'm not winding you up, these things are driven

by a clockwork device.

As you can see, these are like fingers moving up

and down, pulling the strings.

So, does each of these wires control a different animation?

Yes, they do.

I wonder if it's easy to make your own automata.

Let's find out as Mr Ed and Miss Naomi make something.

Today we are going to show you how to make something that

will make your friends crazy with envy.

This critter bug.

Every automata maker has got to start somewhere and where best than

with one of these little fellas?

-It's so easy.

-So easy. All you need is all of this.

-Just pop that on there like so.

-We're nearly done.

-It's so easy.

I think we should colour him up with some of these lovely paints.

-Let's brighten him up.

-I am going to paint mine white.

So once you have painted your bug, you can move on to the wings.

-How are you getting on, Ed?

-Really well. It's so easy.

How on earth do they do this?

SHE SNIGGERS

-Oh, look.

-He looks like a cheeky fella.

I'm just going to add some little legs to mine.

-They seem a bit long.

-They do, don't they?

Finally, just make your critter bug fly away.

It's so easy.

So easy? I don't think so! Why don't you try your luck at a wheel-y

simple game called...

-EVIL VOICE:

-'Wheels Of Misfortune.'

SCREAMING

My first contestant... A woman.

-It's Naomi!

-Yes, whatever.

The rules of the game are simple. A bit like you. I'm going to ask

a question and you must answer it. Do you understand?

Of course I understand, you don't need to shout.

If you answer incorrectly, misfortune will occur.

What kind of misfortune?

A custard pie in the face.

This is David's handcrafted 1920s inspired fortune-telling

spinning wheel. What will the spinning wheel reveal

-about your fortune?

-That's not a question.

-That's asking me to guess an outcome.

-Excuses, excuses.

-What?

-Have you got a dollar?

-Yes.

Erm...my taste in shirts will be better than yours in the future.

Let's have a look, shall we?

EVIL LAUGH

Oh, a new opportunity may come your way on Thursday.

Funnily enough, it is a Thursday.

This is David's handcrafted skull of fortune machine.

EVIL LAUGH

What will the skull spinning wheel reveal as your fortune?

-You can't win this game.

-Oh, come on, nobody likes a party pooper.

Dollar, dollar.

I guess that I'll get another custard pie in the face soon.

It says "rest and relax tomorrow". I say, why not start today?

There you go. Yes, I am afraid you did not win, but look on the

bright side - at least you will not be needing lunch today!

And neither will you.

Well, Grant Perry is the current Australian boomerang throwing

champion, and a lead member of the Aussie team for

the World Championships.

Wow, Grant, that's amazing. Look at all these boomerangs. Is this

because you can't get rid of them? Every time you throw them away,

-they come back?

-Yes.

-Some of these just don't like they

would come back to you at all.

There's all sorts of bits sticking off them.

-Surely this does not come back?

-Yes, it can actually,

it's just in the design, the way it is shaped.

They're all designed to come back to you.

Do you have a personal favourite?

My personal favourite is actually one that I'd picked up at a

boomerang auction and it is a very fast one but, yeah, it's a perfect

boomerang for me, it's definitely the best one I've ever had so...

-You like a nice three-pronged boomerang.

-Yes, absolutely.

-They are much smoother flights so...

-Cos that's not your

traditional boomerang, is it? This boomerang looks more like that.

-This is like a traditional boomerang.

-Yes, that's more like the

traditional boomerang. Years ago, they definitely would have

used something like that, but for competition these days,

it's quite dangerous using something like that.

In Western Australia, aborigines often call boomerangs "kylie",

meaning "curved stick", and that is

one reason why the name Kylie

is popular in Australia.

Let's see how an Aussie champion does it. Listen up, boys.

To throw a boomerang, hold level with your shoulder,

run forward, flick with the wrist, and then release vertical.

Grant has set Ed and Cel a challenge. Who can catch the most

boomerangs after three attempts? All we need now is a dramatic intro.

-DRAMATIC VOICEOVER:

-'King Catch Cel versus Prince Propel Petrie

'in the battle of the tick tick tick boom...erangs!'

Ed's first attempt, and the sun is in his eyes, and the boomerang is

on the ground, and a few seconds later, so is he.

Second shot... That boomerang...

Come back! Come back! Come back!

..doesn't seem to be listening to him.

A final chance, Ed.

And it's...

Oh, no!

..as they say in Australia, "what a drongo".

Throw one for Cel. Rubbish!

Number two.

Oh, that was actually close.

Right, number three. Come on, Cel.

Oh, he's on the ground, failure.

Well, it is going to have to be sudden death, boys,

the first one to catch wins.

SCREAMING

Come on, Cel. Yes, the first one to come close to it maybe?

When does this show finish?

You have got to be kidding me!

No!

Yes! No, I know.

Come on, Ed.

-Come on! Yes!

-CHEERING

Even Cel's cheering, but don't grab each other too tight,

you do not want to end up in an Australian hospital...sketch.

Flying doctor at your service, What appears to be the problem?

Oh, g'day, mate, strewth, my old cobber. It's bonzer to see ya!

I've come in for a bit of a chinwag

-because I'm feeling a bit crook.

-I can see that already.

No real Australian would say "g'day" or "strewth",

let alone in the same sentence.

Looks like you might have a case of forgotten-how-to-be-Australian-itis.

-Any other symptoms?

-Well, doc, I think I might have something wrong

-with me head.

-Too right, we never wear those daft cork hats either.

I'm afraid this is going to have to be removed.

Oh!

Mate, we see this kind of thing all the time. In fact, most of

the things people think of as Australian are not even

-Australian, which is why this goes in here.

-Wait on, you've got

a surfboard in there, that's definitely Australian.

No, Polynesian, mate. The first surfers were fishermen

over 3,000 years ago.

You see, people are always getting things about Australia wrong.

-Have another go. Where do you think this comes from?

-A barbecue?

As in "throw another shrimp on the barbie"?

That's definitely Australian.

No, it's a US-Caribbean thing.

Well, if none of these things are Australian, what is?

-Erm...

-Dual flush toilets that help save water.

Ultrasound, which is useful in hospitals.

Plastic banknotes, which last longer than paper.

-Even Wi-Fi.

-Wi-Fi?

-Wi-Fi.

All these things came from Australia.

Wait a minute. You must think I'm a flaming drongo.

A boomerang, that's the most Australian thing I can think of!

The word is Australian, it means "throwing stick",

but archaeologists think ancient man was chucking these things

all over the world, from Egypt to Florida.

Oh, I am never going to know what's Australian and what's not.

I'll never be cured.

CRASHING

Wait a minute... I've just remembered...

That's how I got hit in the head in the first place. I'm cured!

G'day, mate, strewth, you flaming galah.

I've got a bang on the bods.

Now let's shrimp another surfboard on the barbie, fair dinkum.

Oh, no.

GANGNAM STYLE MUSIC

# Today you find us visiting the town of Ballarat

# The state of Victoria is exactly where it's at

# And Sovereign Hill Living Museum is the jewel in its crown

# As it actually recreates a real gold rush town

# It's just like we've stepped right back in time

# You can take a trip underground into the mines

# But I feel like I am on a winning streak

# I'm going to try my luck and have a pan for gold in that there creek

# Thousands of gold prospectors flocked here years ago

-# You wouldn't really expect us to find some gold!

-Gold!

-# To find some gold!

-Gold!

# To find some gold, gold gold, gold, gold

# Panning, gold rush style

-# Gold rush style

-Pan, pan, pan

# Panning gold rush style

# Hey, sovereign lady

# Pan, pan, pan panning gold rush style

# Could be millionaires...maybe

# Pan, pan, pan Panning gold rush style

# You can watch pure melted gold being poured into a mould

-# 160,000 worth

-Sold

# I'm not sure you can afford to buy a whole gold ingot

# I've got £2.50 on me How much change have you got?

# 99 percent of gold's still at Earth's core

# Has anyone tried to dig that deep before?

# No time to waste Pass me that shovel, please

# You realise the temperature there is 6,000 degrees

# In the history of gold extraction

# Two swimming pools worth have been mined

# We only need the merest fraction There's gold to find

# There's gold to find gold

# There's gold to find, find, find find, find, find, find

# Panning, gold rush style

-# Gold rush style

-Pan, pan, pan, pan

# Panning gold rush style

# Hey, I am a gold seeker

# Pan, pan, pan Panning gold rush style

# If you strike gold, shout Eureka!

# Pan, pan, pan Panning gold rush style

# Hey, don't want to stop.

# Pan, pan, pan Panning gold rush style

# They do sell 10 nuggets in the shop. #

Do they? Well, stuff this, then.

# Gold rush style. #

-Naomi, what are you doing?

-I am practising my plate smashing.

Woo-hoo. It's for the largest Greek Festival in northern Queensland.

-That's why we're here today.

-Yes, I know, but...

Oh, thank you so much for letting the organisers give me these special

-smashing plates. Do you think they look authentic?

-Naomi!

These are the plates for smashing.

So, who do these belong to?

They're mine. But don't worry about me, you've got enough on your

plate, getting around Greekfest, a massive festival in Townsville

that celebrates Greek culture.

A homesick Grecian realised that

there were 2,500 other Greeks

also living here. And now each year, around 25,000 people

meet to seek out their inner Greek.

What's happening here today?

There is plenty happening.

There is plate smashing...

There's dancing, there's stomping, there's lots to do, lots to do.

That sounds fab.

Sounds fab, I am glad you think that

because you two are going

head-to-head in the All Over The Place Greek Olympics.

Other Olympics are available, see website for details.

There'll be smashed plates, crushed grapes, and dancing japes.

Bronze, silver and gold medals await the winner of each.

To be a Greekfest champion, you will need to be at the top of your game,

the pinnacle of perfection, the, the... Who am I kidding?

You are just going to go and eat some Greek food, aren't you?

If we are trying to improve our Greekness, we probably should,

should we?

So, get stuck into soutzoukakia, basically meatballs,

and some barbecued octopus.

If I didn't know what it was, I'd quite like that.

These are great.

Do you know what? I would go as far as saying, it's quite nice.

Have some, have some. You'll be surprised how good it tastes.

You can see the little suckers on it. Go for it.

Eurgh!

Urgh, look. It's fallen off.

The sucker? I'm feeling very Greek now.

The first event is a Greek tradition - smashing plates.

Smash a stack of plaster plates as fast as you can,

and shout "opa" when you're done.

-That was over quickly.

-I know.

-Blink and you miss that.

Don't try this at home, you need plates for dinner,

and you may actually hurt yourself.

-I've always wanted to do this, you see.

-I've always taken every care

to not smash a plate. Petrie, you are going down.

One, two, three...

SMASHING

Opa!

Still going.

Opa! Finally.

Woo-hoo!

And Naomi claims the bronze, what a smasher.

Opa!

Next up is the silver medal event, the grape stomp.

Crush some grapes using only your bare feet.

The winner is the one who makes the most grape juice,

and remember, it is the best of three, so the pressure

is on, Ed - get stomping.

-Did you wash your feet?

-No.

-Eurgh!

What are we doing?!

One, two, three...

Go!

CHEERING

I've got bigger feet than Naomi, I am hoping that gives me a

mathematical advantage.

Come on.

Oh, no!

It's in my toes!

CHEERING

Three, two, one...

Step away from the bowls!

Well, he definitely squeezed every last bit of energy out of the

silver medal, but who has been pipped at the post and left feeling

crushed? It's time to measure the results.

Come on!

Don't miss a drop.

Get that lovely juice in there.

It's pretty close.

-The tension is killing me.

-Not another jug, surely? Oh, my word.

-What?

-And that bit, measure that bit.

Oh, you did the same as three people together.

Oh.

Once again, Ed has put in his big foot in it,

getting just over 4.5 litres to Naomi's four.

I won't be sour grapes!

CHEERING AND BOOING

Thank you, Townsville, I couldn't have done it without your support!

They're booing me over there!

And over here. Boo! Ed claims the silver

with his juicy tootsies, so it all comes down to the gold medal

event, and what better way to finish the Greekfest Olympics than a

spot of old school Zorba's Dance.

The first step is taking our right foot, and we are going right, and

then your left foot is going behind.

Step behind, step, and kick with your left.

And then kick with your right. That's all it is.

-Oh, right.

-This gets faster and faster?

Yes. First it is going to start nice and slow.

Then it will start getting faster.

Left, right. Stamp left, stamp right.

The faster you get, the more it looks like you know what you're doing!

Greek or Hellenic dancing dates back thousands of years, and it is

a huge part of Greek culture, formed at celebrations, weddings and

festivals. Zorba is the easiest, but there is a trickier dance to

learn for later, so get practising!

I don't like this one.

Night has fallen from the top to the bottom of your telly.

Ed and Naomi are going to dance

two traditional Greek dances at the same time.

There's loads of people out there.

It's a good job I'm not going to look silly in front of them.

The first dance is Zorba.

MUSIC: "Zorba's Dance"

And off they go, and they both started well.

Ed and Naomi are evenly matched, step-by-step, and neck and neck.

They may not notice our two are wearing fluffy slippers.

These strictly Greek dancing judges will be awarding points for dancing

skills and the person with the highest score will be the winner.

Wow, Naomi, showing off some fancy moves there!

Ed, can you match her?

Oh, zing slipper slaps, Mr Petrie!

And with Zorba completed, it's anybody's gold medal, but now for

that trickier dance - the 12 step.

It is their chance to impress the judges.

It's still even in the early stages.

Nice technical skills from both of them.

Opa!

Oh, but Ed's big feet, that served him so well crushing grapes, have

let him down now. You'll lose points for that.

Keep smiling, Ed.

Oh, is Ed dancing to disaster?

We never rehearsed this!

Can he still skip his way to victory?

Or will it be Naomi who's laughing all the way to the trophy?

APPLAUSE

Very good!

The dance is danced, the judges have judged, the scores are in.

With Naomi and Ed sharing the medal so far, the winner of the gold

will be the overall champion.

And the winner for the All Over The Place Greekfest Olympics is...

-Naomi!

-Yes! Thank you.

Oh, I am so pleased. A well-deserved win.

-Cheers, Ed.

-In fact, I got you a victory drink to celebrate.

Brilliant, I am so thirsty after that.

It's my grape juice from earlier.

You have been watching All Over The Place Australia!