Episode 5 All Over the Place

If you want to know why I'm chucking flour at Michelle, keep watching!

With some butter and a few eggs, you'd be able to make a cake, Ed.

And coming up, we have the ingredients for a fantastic show.

We've got Johny, Sam and Mark...

What have you gone and invited that fool for?

..Naomi,

Susan,

Michelle

and Iain!

Eh...ah...hamster plums?!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, South, East, West

# On a bizarre quest

# Me and my mates All over the place

# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange, but true

# All over the place

# All over the place

# There's stuff to do Down Under that is totally ace

# And it turns up

# All over the place! #

First up, we are in the northernmost part of the Northern Territory,

which is nicknamed The Top End,

where Ed seems to think

he's presenting a nature show about deadly animals. Is he?

I'm here in Darwin, at The Top End of Australia,

to meet the animal with the strongest bite in the world.

This could be deadly!

-Grrr!

-Are you having a laugh? That doesn't look very deadly.

I'm here in Darwin

to meet one of the deadliest animals in the world,

the saltwater crocodile.

Grrr!

That's cuddly, not deadly!

It's Johny! Come on, take three.

Apparently, I'm supposed to be coming face-to-face

with a deadly crocodile, today.

Yeah, whatever.

Er, Ed...

That really is rather deadly!

It certainly is.

The saltwater crocodile really does have

the most powerful bite of any animal.

And it's helped them survive for millions of years.

There are an estimated 100,000 crocodiles

in the Northern Territory.

That's nearly one for every person who lives in Darwin.

The crocs are so dangerous

that you can't swim in the sea or rivers around here.

So we've come to this crocodile park to meet some.

Ed and Johny,

you have 35 seconds to find out as much as you can about crocodiles.

Ed, you have Wade, whose knowledge of crocs rocks.

Johny, you have Sarah, who knows all about these toothy reptiles.

Whoever finds out the most facts is the winner

and there's a really special prize.

Three, two, one,

go-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

-Are crocodiles really dangerous?

-Yes, very dangerous.

-How many teeth does a crocodile have?

-66.

Why do people want to live here if there's crocodiles?

Cos it's a great place to live. Swim in your pool.

-So you have things other than crocodiles here?

-Absolutely.

-Like what?

-Lots of lizards and snakes.

If they're called saltwater crocodiles,

can they only go in salt water?

No, they can live in fresh water and salt water.

-So you've to stay out of the river?

-Absolutely everywhere.

What's the difference between

-a crocodile and an alligator?

-Snout, body,

what they eat and where they live.

How much do crocodiles weigh?

About 1,000kg.

-Who would win between me and a crocodile?

-The crocodile.

-How many legs have they got?!

-Four.

-I know, really obvious!

-GONG SOUNDS

Oh, I lost it at the end there! But you know what?

I think we did quite well. Croc and roll.

And the person who found out the most the facts is...

-Johny!

-Yes!!

-Oh, no, I wanted the special prize!

Yes, yes! But voiceover man, what is the special prize, then?

It's a, kind of, VIP spa treatment.

That'll be nice, wouldn't it?

After all this hard work in the sun, sitting back with a spa treatment.

"Sitting back with a spa treatment(!)"

Oh, don't be jealous, Ed.

Tell you what, I'll let you have a dip in the spa, too.

Of course, when I say spa,

what I actually mean is that you're going in here,

-into the CAGE OF DEATH!

-DRAMATIC MUSIC

Nice sound effect.

This isn't really what I had in mind, Johny.

Yeah, thanks for this lovely relaxing treat, voiceover man.

-Yeah, we'll get you for this.

-Yeah!

If we survive.

Tell it Chopper, one of the biggest crocs on the planet.

Right, let's say hello to Chopper.

He's got his eye on you. Any last words?

I love you, Mum.

Oh, that's sweet, Johny!

But it still won't stop you from being lowered in the Cage Of Death

into this pool, where Chopper lives.

This deadly croc is five and a half metres long.

That's almost three Ed Petries.

And the only thing between Ed, Johny and Chopper's big bitey teeth

is the cage itself.

Luckily it's made of hard plastic and they're perfectly safe,

but let's not tell them that, eh?

All right, we've got to make sure

we don't stick our fingers through these slots,

otherwise our fingers get bitten off.

I don't think there's any worry about that happening!

THEY WHIMPER

Have you seen the size of that mouth?

It could easily fit you and me in it.

Chopper's still a hungry fellow, even at 80 years old,

which is pretty good going for a croc.

But luckily, today, you two are not on his lunch menu.

Just looking at Chopper's legs, there.

I think Chopper should be as scared of crocodiles as us, because...

THEY SCREAM

I'm really scared of it now!

What it was trying to explain

was that Chopper lost two of his feet in the wild.

They were bitten off by other crocs.

So like a lot of the big crocs here,

Chopper was rescued from the wild.

Because of his injuries,

he was very likely to lose another fight and die

or try and find an easy meal nearer where people live.

So crocodile experts feel it's safer for him and for us

to live here at The Cove.

-I think that's the most frightened...

-Oh, no, no,

it's looking at me. Stop looking at me like that!

-It's got a taste for the meat.

-Oh, no!

That is amazing! THEY SHRIEK

I get the feeling this crocodile

-is constantly scheming how to get in here.

-Yeah!

You know, just after the war, my grandad lived in Sri Lanka

-and he...

-THEY SCREAM

-Oh, my word!

-Oh, no!

Ah, Chopper, you've no idea how many times I have wanted to

interrupt Ed's stories like that.

-Ah!

-Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

-Oh, no!

You don't see Steve Backshall presenting telly like this, do you?

"Ooo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"

I don't think my voice has ever registered so high.

There's a reason I'm not a wildlife presenter!

Well, you might think the wildlife and outside is a bit scary, Ed,

but it can be dangerous in a television studio.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my first guest.

All the way from Darwin, Australia, it's Chompy, the saltwater crocodile.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you so much. Too kind.

Thanks for having me, Graham. Thank you.

Now, Chompy, your new book, I'm A Nice Guy, Really,

what's it all about?

Well, Graham, I've got to say,

so many people have got the wrong idea about me.

They think I'm some, kind of, cold-blooded killer.

Well, being a crocodile, you are cold-blooded!

And I have killed things, Graham!

No, but seriously, there is so much more to me than that.

Well, we've got a little surprise,

because I've arranged for somebody to come into the studio

who can, hopefully, set the record straight for you.

-Say what?!

-It's your old keeper from the zoo, Bert.

-APPLAUSE

-Oh, Graham, what have you gone and invited that fool for?

Has Chompy been unfairly labelled

as one of planet Earth's most dangerous predators?

Of course I have, Graham, cos I'm A Nice Guy, Really.

I'm afraid not, Graham. Chompy here is very dangerous.

I mean, just look at his teeth.

But we're safe on dry land, Bert?

Of course you are, Graham, and that is because

I'm A Nice Guy Really.

I'm afraid not, Graham.

Yes, Chompy is very fast in the water

but he's very quick on land, too.

He's got amazing eyesight and a wonderful sense of smell.

That's some nice aftershave you've got going on there, Graham.

-Anyway...anyway! I think it's time for our next guest.

-Mm-mm.

You've eaten them. Haven't you, Chompy?

Oh, dear. See you next week.

But I'm A Nice Guy, Really.

I'm coming for you. Don't you go running,

don't you go running!

You're right, Bert, he is quite quick on land.

I'm coming for you too, Graham. I got you, I got you.

-Oh, Naomi, there you are.

-All right, Ed.

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, it is. Although...

what are you wearing?

What am I wearing?! I'm dressed for a day on the Australian coast.

"What are you wearing?" I think is the question.

I am dressed appropriately for the town that we are in.

You do know we're on the east coast of Australia, right?

Yes, and I also know that this town has its very own Dutch village.

Here?

I think you're a bit confused.

Not at all, Naomi, it is you who is confused.

And I'm hoping they've got me some new clogs,

cos I think these ones are bit too big for me.

Sorry, Naomi, for once Ed's right.

Better get your clogs on, I wouldn't want you looking silly(!)

Welcome to The Clog Barn. Unsurprisingly,

it's the only miniature Dutch village and clog factory

in Australia.

Hey, shall we try these on?

No, I don't want to look silly.

Yeah, good point.

For 28 years, they've made over 100,000 pairs of wooden boots,

in all shapes and sizes.

Oh, Ed, a giant!

Run, miniature Dutch people!

Run! Leave that bridge alone, you monster.

Hi, guys, how are you going?

Oh, he seems quite friendly.

Shall we go and say hello?

Yeah, all right, then.

You two, that's not a giant! That's John, the owner.

John's father started The Clog Barn to remember his homeland of Holland

and now John makes the shoes himself out of a single block of wood.

Clever clogs!

It's like chopping up cheese.

-Oh!

-We just start to work the...

This seems like an extremely laborious way to make a shoe.

That way is.

But I just happen to have a little machine in the corner over here.

This one will speed up the process an awful lot.

Wow! A machine that transforms a block of wood into a shoe.

I've got to see this.

Clogs are traditionally used for working outside,

as they are strong and keep your feet dry,

a bit like wooden welly boots.

They can even be used for clogging, that's clog dancing, by the way.

Next up is the clog hole making machine,

perfect for making holes in clogs

and for covering the silly-looking TV presenters in wood shavings!

Shoe-perb job, John! You get it?

Shoe-perb. Shoe... Oh.

And there's our clog.

-It looks like you've done that once or twice before.

-I have.

-I've done it a few times.

-Amazing.

-Yeah, lots of times.

Hey, Ed and Naomi,

you've been set a special challenge by clog expert John.

It's to create your very own pair of designer clogs.

And by the way,

no-one really wears traditional Dutch costume around here.

But at least you made an effort.

Chop, chop, guys, we don't have all day.

-ED SNIFFS

-Oh, Naobby... Oh, dear.

-What's the matter with you?

Oh, I'm feeling a bit clogged up!

Ed! Your jokes are as bad as your dress sense.

I think I know where Ed's going with his dog,

I mean, clog.

I've got my eye on you.

What was I saying about Ed's jokes?

Does that look like a dog's tail to you?

-Why are you putting a dog on a clog?

-Who let the clogs out?

-Oh, very clever!

-Walkies!

Have you guessed what mine is?

Kermit The Clog!

Oh, well done, a frog and a dog clog for The...Clog Barn.

I wonder what other clogs are out there.

Hello and welcome to Clogs4U.

Clogs? Sorry, I thought this was a shoe shop.

I think I prefer my footwear a bit more functional but

good luck with the wooden shoes(!)

I might be able to help you, Madame, if you let me know what you're after.

Have you got more stock out the back? Oh, magic!

OK, so the thing is, my garden is a bit of a mudbath just now,

-so I'm really looking for some...

-Clogs.

I was going to say Wellington boots.

Clogs can cope with mud just fine.

The lowlands of Holland have always been prone to flooding.

These beauties have been keeping Dutch farmers' feet dry

for centuries. It's why they were invented.

That's really cool, but I'd really just like some wellies.

-No problem.

-Great.

I can make them look like wellies.

I was actually hoping to get some green Wellingtons.

Yes, you look the type.

All right, then, I'll paint this one green.

Anything else?

OK, I don't think you're going to be able to help me with this,

but I'm going out clubbing tonight

and I was wondering what the best shoes were for, you know,

like, busting some moves.

Ah! Clogs.

For dancing?!

Clog dancing is considered the first form of urban street dance

and it directly influenced tap dancing.

-What's clog dancing?

-This is.

Although, like all foot-led dancing, it's more impressive

if the feet aren't hidden behind a counter.

Anyway, again. These should see you right.

OK, I don't think these fit with what I was going for

on the dance floor.

OK, I'll bung a sequin on each one.

There you go, you crazy diva.

-Anything else?

-Right, OK, you're really not going to be able to help

with this, but I'm doing some renovation in my house,

-so what I'm looking for is some heavy-duty...

-Clogs.

..work boots. You cannot tell me that clogs double for work boots.

Yes, I can.

Clogs have long been worn by industrial workers,

cos they can withstand sharp and heavy objects.

Here, put this clog on.

OK.

It's a lovely fit.

Now, hit your foot as hard as you can with this hammer.

OK.

BANG

You were supposed to hit the foot with the clog on!

Oh, dear.

-I love Australia!

-Oh, it's great, isn't it?

The beaches, the weather, the wildlife.

I don't think I can be any happier than I am right now.

IAIN GASPS

Ed! Ed! I've won! I've won!

You've won?!

He's won! He's won!

He's actually won!

-What have you won?

-Hmm?

-What have you won?

-What have I won?

I've won two free tickets to a tour of Tropical Fruit World.

-What's Tropical Fruit World?

-I've no idea!

-How you doing?

-I'm doing great, yourselves?

-How you doing?

I can't believe this place, it's like a theme park for fruit.

-It certainly is.

-How'd it all start?

It started over 40 years ago by one man's collection of trying

to get as many different fruits from all around the world

and grow it here on one farm in Australia.

Tropical Fruit World is the largest plantation orchard farm

in Australia and it sits on the rim of the largest extinct volcano

in the southern hemisphere. No wonder it's so hot around here.

With all these fruits on offer,

I'm surprised the staff can remember all the names.

What's this one called?

This is a black sapote,

but we have another name for it here in Australia.

-It's called chocolate pudding fruit.

-I wonder what that tastes like.

Sounds like it could possibly be the greatest fruit ever known.

It actually looks like chocolate pudding.

I thought it'd just taste like chocolate pudding.

It, literally, looks like someone's hidden a chocolate pudding

inside an avocado.

The Black Sapote fruit is very good for you...

It'll be a little bit date-flavoured

and a little bit mild in the chocolate.

Yeah, it tastes like someone hasn't put enough sugar

-in a chocolate pudding.

-Exactly.

-Do you like it?

-Mmm.

-What do you think of it?

-I don't mind it,

but it's just weird eating fruit that tastes like chocolate.

What else have you got? Have you got any custard doughnut fruit?

No, but I have got a miracle I'm about to show you.

-A miracle?

-A miracle?

-Well, that's a pretty big claim.

Might be a fish and chip apple.

It's this little berry here. It's called a miracle fruit berry.

..by a French explorer called Chevalier de Marchais.

What we're going to get you guys to do is pop those in the mouth

and just bite through the skin and suck on it like it's a lolly.

-Tastes a bit like an aniseed ball or something.

-Yeah.

The juice of the berry will coat your taste receptors

and that's on your tongue and on the roof,

and what it does, it makes all acidic foods taste sweet.

A lemon, very acidic, so let's try the lemon.

There we go.

It's like an orange or something, it's really sweet. It's lovely.

It still tastes like lemon, but like a lemon sorbet or something.

-A lemon that's sweet, it's a miracle.

-You're like the Dumbledore of fruit.

Are you going to turn me into a kumquat?

Oh, I love kumquats!

Sweet on the outside, sour on the inside. That reminds me of someone.

Hello and welcome to the Great British Fruit-off,

the game show that tests our contestants' knowledge

of vegetables... I mean fruit, obviously.

And talking of contestants, here's today's!

-It's Iain.

-Hi.

-Hello, Iain.

-Hi.

-Do you like fruit?

-Oh, I love a bit of fruit, me.

-What's your favourite fruit?

-I'm really glad you asked.

Magnificent. Fantastic.

By the way, if you're wondering where my glamorous assistant

Hairy Berry is, she's not here today,

she fell into a vat of boiling hot water and now she's in a jam!

-Berry...in a jam.

-A rubbish joke.

I'm just trying to cover up the fact she hasn't turned up for work today

-and I'm very angry.

-Well, before you rudely interrupted me

I was telling you about my favourite type of fruit, which is...

The moment's gone, Iain. No-one's interested any more. Question one!

True or false, bananas grow on trees. Is that true or false?

Here's one here.

Exactly. That's clearly a banana growing on a tree, so true.

-Bananas grow on trees. What a stupid question.

-Oh!

Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain,

Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain, Iain, no, it's not true.

No, it's false.

No, the banana plant is actually the world's largest herb.

Let's hope Iain does better on this next question,

the question I like to call question two.

Can you name me a fruit that has the name of an animal in its name?

-Wolf berry.

-For instance, wolf berry. You can't have that one, obviously.

-Ah, I was going to say wolf berry.

-You can't have that. Sorry...

-We haven't got all the time in the world.

-Er...

-Hamster plums?

-Eurgh. I'm not coming to yours for lunch. No.

No, incorrect.

No, you could have said elephant apple, canary melon,

dragon fruit, amongst many others.

Well, you got two questions wrong,

which means there's no point doing question three.

I'm surprised the farmers aren't throwing rotten tomatoes at you.

Interesting fact about tomatoes, actually. They're also fruit.

Too late, Iain. It's too late.

Join me next week for the Great British Fruit-off. Good night!

-You still here?

-Yeah.

Paronella Park, a wonderful estate in Queensland.

This place was originally the dream of one man - Jose Paronella.

In the early 20th century,

Jose had the idea of building a paradise by the banks of Mena Creek.

Not just for him and his bride, but for everyone to enjoy.

We're here to tell his story.

But why tell you about it when we can sing about it?

Cos telling them about it's a much more efficient use of my time!

Forget it.

# Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

# Ooh-ooh-ooh

# Jose Paronella was his name

# Came from Catalonia in Spain

# Spent a decade farming sugar cane

# To build a pleasure garden was his aim

# For many years he dreamed and planned

# In 1929, he bought this land

# First, he built these stairs - pretty grand!

# Everything was built by hand!

# His Paronella Paradise

# Paronella Paradise

# Cost him a bit, it's pretty nice

# Whoa-oh-ah-oh-oh

# Built a castle Water features, too

# Planted a nice pine tree avenue

# A hill with a tunnel to walk through

# Opened it up to public view

# In '46, disaster struck

# The cog flooded What dreadful luck!

# With sadness, Jose was filled

# But determined to rebuild

# His Paronella Paradise

# Paronella Paradise

# Must have cost him a tidy price

# Whoa- oh-ah-oh-oh

# Years after Jose's death

# His dream is still alive

# Despite floods, cyclones and raging fire

# This amazing park was the place Jose adored

# He'd be over the moon now it's been restored!

# His Paronella Paradise

# Paronella Paradise

# Worth a trip here, that's our advice

# Whoa-oh-ah-oh-oh

# His Paronella Paradise

# Paronella Paradise

# Just south of Cairns to be precise

# Whoa-oh-ah-oh-oh! #

-Ed, what IS that elephant all about?

-Ah, the elephant!

-Yeah.

I've no idea.

Well, you know what they say, guys, two "Eds" are better than one!

Ed versus Michelle... in the Main Event.

This is the Derby River derby, which is basically just a fancy name

the locals have given to a home-made raft race!

It's been taking place near the Tasmanian town of Derby

for 36 years.

This year, 279 people are taking part, including Ed and Michelle.

So that's 279 people who don't mind falling in the river!

It's not the only way to get wet, though.

If you're on land, you have to watch out for...

water balloons and flour balloons!

-So, Michelle, what are you going to do?

-I'm going to get in the river!

Today's event sees Team Ed take on Team Michelle

in the Derby derby rubber ring river raft race type thing!

You'll need to get your rafts built first.

Remember, they are all home-made.

And some are little more than floating mattresses,

which isn't surprising if I tell you the first ever river derby

was a race between two airbeds!

Well, two friends lying on two airbeds.

From then on, it just got bigger, better, and wetter!

The course is seven kilometres long, so Ed and Michelle,

you'd better go and say hello to your teams!

-Hello, hello! I'm Ed. Are you waiting for me?

-Oh, here he is!

-How you doing?

-Yeah, great.

-Where's our boat, then?

Well, this is the boat. It's pretty long.

It starts there and goes all the way up over there.

This doesn't look like much of a boat to me.

This isn't going to be doing a lot of floating.

Well, you'd better start making it, then, Ed!

-Yes, so can you blow this one up?

-We'll be here for three days.

-I've got one of these pumps in the car, you can have that.

-Oh, good.

Can't take your eyes off the sky for a minute,

-there's always a flour bag, water balloon...

-Incoming!

Oh, dear!

-That one nearly hit the cameraman! Are you all right?

-Hi, Lynden.

-Pleased to meet you.

-I'm going to be joining your team.

-Awesome!

-We're excited about that.

-We're a team!

I've heard you guys have won quite a few times, which is good.

So you must be doing something, what's the secret?

-What's the secret to us winning today?

-Strong paddlers.

-OK.

Yeah, big muscles.

-Not from me, of course, but from these guys over here.

-OK.

Let's get inflated. Michelle's raft is taking shape.

-Yours is a very different design to ours.

-Yes. And you know why?

Because it's the winning design!

I actually think they look quite similar! Apart from the colour.

Ed's is black, Michelle's is blue.

We've not even got in the water yet and there's

so much pelting of flour and water. I've got it all in my hair.

I've got "got" already with the slop! This is a warzone.

I don't know if they realise just how tough this is going to be.

They're going to have to paddle like never before. They're off!

And they're heading for the water!

-And here's some water balloons going already!

-Are you OK?

And they're on.

There's Michelle's team in the blue and Ed's team in the black.

Ed, don't worry about a little bit of water from a water balloon!

Oh, no, you're going backwards!

Ed's boat is turning sideways, while Michelle's powers ahead!

And gets pelted with water balloons! Oh, Ed's back on course.

And heading down the river.

But Michelle's got a substantial lead now. There's Team Ed.

One of them's actually standing up!

He's not afraid of a water balloon in the face!

Ed, meanwhile... seems to be shouting at people.

Why can't you be nice to people!

Because throwing water balloons at you is so much more fun!

-Michelle's team far in advance...

-We can do this!

Ed trying to look cool, with sunglasses on...

And there's Michelle giving us a little wave...

-I think she thinks she's on a Bucking Bronco!

-Oh, wow!

Oh, there's Ed, clinging on. He's stopped paddling.

They're in some ferocious water now.

Ed with the one-handed paddle.

And Michelle's victory cheer as they've got through

the worst of the water.

THEY CHEER

And there's Ed! Yay!

Come on, you can catch Michelle now, she's not that far ahead.

Big grin on Michelle's face! Ed's screaming. The finish line!

Come on, Michelle!

THEY CHEER

They're heading for it now. Why are they doing that?

Why aren't they paddling? There they go!

They're having a good splash

and a paddle as they cross the finish line. But where's Ed?

There he is! One of Ed's team's lying down now!

That's the guy who was standing up earlier.

Well done, Michelle. And "wetter" luck next time, Ed.

We did our best, but it wasn't good enough.

That was THE best thing I've ever done, honestly. It was amazing!

I'm so proud. Yes! We did it!

And the winner of the All Over The Place Derby River Derby is Michelle.

-Yay!

-Congratulations.

-Thanks, Lynden.

-I did have a good team behind me, though.

-Yeah, my one!

I just need to try and get this gunk out of my hair now.

Oh, I've got something that will do that for you.

Ed Petrie!

You've been watching All Over The Place Australia!