Episode 7 All Over the Place

If you want to find out why I'm digging a hole in the ground,

wild with gold fever in Victoria, Australia, then keep watching.

Eureka!

No! You reek-a!

Anyway, let's get the fun going, we're heading off with Cel...

..Johny...

-This is incredible.

-..an excited Sam and Mark...

-Yeah! Woo-hoo!

..Michelle...

-and a very observant Naomi.

-I spot that this was made of wood.

-I'd already spotted that.

-Oh, yeah.

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest

# Me and my mates All over the place!

# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange but true!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# There's stuff to do Down Under that is totally ace

-# And it turns up...

-All over the place! #

First up, we're heading to Western Australia

and Perth, which is one of the windiest cities in the world.

Australia has over 150 different species of snake

and one of the world's most deadly lives right here

in Western Australia, the tiger snake.

Thankfully, David, here, is a specially-trained,

snake-catching expert. Nothing's too slippery for his skills.

It's a good idea to know what is out there and how to deal with it,

as snakes can find a way into gardens and houses across Australia.

Sssscary!

Today, Ed and Cel are aiming to get their deadly reptile

removals licence, but they're going to have to listen to David

if they want to catch some snakes, even if they are made of rubber.

THEY SQUEAL

Ooh! So brave, boys!

There is a bit more snake education we should give you

before I let you loose on the real thing.

Tip one, always dress in protective clothing

when you're out in the wilderness.

Top tip, don't wear a snakeskin jacket. Not only is it

a crime against fashion, it may offend some slippery snakes.

Silly Ed.

Tip two, do not approach a snake, even if you think it is dead.

Recently-deceased snakes can bite. Oh, and it might just be sleeping.

Silly Ed.

Tip three, if you're bitten, remain calm, so the venom does not spread.

Ask for a bandage technique and await the anti-venom

administered by a professional.

Just don't become hysterical.

HE LAUGHS

Oh!

OK, David, well, I've learned how to handle a snake,

deal with a snake bite and also got my tong and hook and bin skills

-down to a T.

-Yeah, think we're ready for our certificates now.

-Gimme, gimme, gimme.

-Whenever you're ready.

-Not just yet.

Inside, we have three snakes for you to catch, so, please,

-take a bin and go and get them.

-They're plastic ones, yeah?

No, real ones.

There's one there, on the floor, Cel! No, that's plastic.

Let's just check.

OK, boys, there are some fake snakes to distract you, but you better

watch out, because there are three real live snakes to catch.

Now this is just getting ridiculous. Look at these. There's jelly ones!

THEY SQUEAL

OK, come on, Cel, open the bin, get ready.

Number one - Stimson's Python, which likes to squeeze frogs to death

and eat them.

It's a bit harder when it's a real snake, I'm guessing.

-It is, indeed, but look at this.

-That's masterful. Very good.

-In we go, nice and safe. How are you doing, my little mate?

-Ta-da!

Bob is your uncle.

No matter how many times I've seen a plastic snake,

-there's always a split second...

-Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

THEY LAUGH

But that's a real one.

Oh, it's going behind there.

Number two - Woma Python,

now an endangered species in Western Australia so, careful, boys.

Now you just want to use your tongs. There you go.

-I'm doing it, Cel, I'm doing it, I'm doing it.

-There you go.

In the bin, in the bin, there you go, mate.

Yes! Just caught a snake!

Third and fi... Oooh! Every time! Come on, you first.

That's not real.

-Oh! Look at that.

-OK.

-It's huge!

OK, Ed? This is going to be difficult to pick up, I'm guessing.

-Have a go, have a go.

-Have a go?

Number three - black-headed python, which can grow up to 3.5m in length.

-That's twice the height of Wayne Rooney!

-Ed, where's the bin, pal?

-It's there. It's right in front of you.

-Ooh!

-Ooh!

THEY LAUGH

Here we go. In the lovely bin.

Well played. In you go. Right in there.

-There you go, son.

-In you go, my mate.

Wait a minute, that's cheating, guys.

-He's in the bin. Oh, he's a heavy one.

-Is he?

THEY GASP AND LAUGH

-Now are you proud of us, David?

-Absolutely.

And I'd like to award you your snake-catching certificates

and just remember, Australian snakes are more scared of you

than you should be them.

I must say, my opinion of snakes has changed since I've been here.

I've learned to love and respect them

and maybe they're not all dangerous in Australia.

Maybe they are just misssssssunderstood.

G'day and welcome to the dangerous animals self-help group,

Australian branch.

This evening, we'll be discussing in an open and supportive atmosphere

the negativity that all dangerous animals have to face.

Great white shark, do you want to kick off, mate?

-How's your week been?

-Not too good ,actually.

I mean, you know I've got 300 teeth. Well, they've just put up

the price of toothpaste, so that's a bit of a pain in the fin.

Sorry to hear that. Oh, sorry.

It's more the narrow-mindedness that gets me.

I mean, I've got this reputation of being a cold-hearted man-killer,

but I rarely kill them, I just bite off an arm or something. No biggie.

I mean, why don't they focus on one of my many other talents?

Oh, yeah, don't you play the violin?

-No.

-Snooker?

-Never tried.

-Although I've always thought I'd be quite good.

-Swimming.

Exactly! Swimming! I'm a wonderful swimmer, but do they

-focus on that?

-BOTH: No.

Exactly, it's always the whole "killer" angle.

-Now, why do you think that is?

-Erm...I don't know.

Maybe it's because I'm called the Great White Shark?

If I was called the Rubbish Pink Shark, perhaps people

wouldn't be so intimidated.

Oh, thanks for sharing, mate, anyone else?

How about you, Box Jellyfish? Do you feel

discriminated against because you're slightly on the poisonous side?

Well, I do, actually. It's the name-calling that gets me.

They call me the sea wasp, the marine stinger.

Yes, I have the quickest-acting venom known to science and, yes,

my lovely tentacles contain around 5,000 stinging cells

-but there's more to me than that.

-Of course there is. Ow!

-You tell him, brother. Such as?

-Well, look at me.

I'm absolutely gorgeous, aren't I?

Well, I can't argue with that... in case you sting me.

So, finally, salt-water croc,

you've famously got the most powerful bite known to man.

Yeah, thanks for that, mate.

I usually average about 1,000 human deaths per year,

so what that basically means is that I beat you and I beat you.

Erm, this isn't a competition about who can kill the most people.

Certainly not a close one.

It's about being misrepresented, about being overly violent

-and deadly.

-Not for me, mate.

I'm here for my dinner

and I'm thinking the jellyfish for starters, shark for main.

THEY GASP

-Oh, oh, oh.

-Aargh.

-Sorry. Sorry.

What a pair of mugs.

Oh, Naomi "spotter" Wilkinson,

it's a great day for spotting things, isn't it?

Indeed it is, Ed "Spotter" Petrie, we love spotting things, don't we?

Oh, yes, love it passionately. And then telling all our spotter friends

about it. It's what we live for.

Remember, if we spot anything of interest,

we've got to write it in our spotting notepads

and take a picture on our special spotting camera.

Absolutely.

But we are in for a spotting jackpot today, Ed "Spotter" Petrie.

An amazing collection of old ships, right here in Port Adelaide.

Have we got everything we need?

Yes, yes, I've sharpened our spotter pencils,

I've polished my spotter binoculars,

I've made a thermos of spotter tea and I've made spotter sandwiches.

-Oh!

-They're your favourite flavour.

-Gherkin and peanut butter.

-Ooh! That'll hit the spot.

But how are we going to get close enough to the collection to spot?

Don't worry about it, Naomi "Spotter" Wilkinson.

I've got special spotter connections.

-Ahoy there, Captain Bouc.

-Hello.

-Hello, nice to meet you.

You'll be pleased to hear this. I don't think you look 104 years old.

Not quite. Not yet. Getting there, but getting close.

So, what's your part in this collection, then?

Well, I run this little boat, Dolphin,

and I take people out and I show them

the remains of the old ships which are out here and around the corner.

-Can't wait to start spotting these.

-Yep, we're looking forward to this.

-Well, OK, hop aboard and we'll go find them.

-Right.

# I wanna sink to the bottom with you... #

This collection of shipwrecks on the Port Adelaide River

is the largest in Australia.

There's sailing boats, steamboats and motor vessels,

all beached in the shallow waters

when the ships were no longer needed.

I shipreckon...

this is a great place to spot ships from all over the world.

First stop is the oldest ship in the collection.

Any ideas as to what made it move?

Goats on wheels inside, running around.

-No, no, no, ships don't have wheels.

-People pushing from behind.

-Swimming.

-Swimming.

-No, too hard. It was a sailing boat.

That's a long way to sail.

Can we have a look at some more wrecks, please?

# I wanna sink to the bottom... #

Next port of call, the Sunbeam. This ship was also made in Scotland.

-And I take it the tree didn't used to be in there.

-No.

That's a recent addition.

A not-so-recent addition is the Dorothy H Stirling,

abandoned here in 1932.

Surely that's worth a spot.

-Incredible to think we're standing on an old shipwreck.

-Yeah.

-I spot that this was made of wood.

-I've already spotted that.

-Oh, yeah.

-Built in 1920, Portland, Oregon, this one.

-Right.

The Dorothy.

Well, you certainly know your facts, Naomi, which is just as well,

because it's quiz time.

Welcome to everyone's favourite game show about shipwrecks.

And there's been a few, hasn't there?

Is there anyone here on the shipwreck who'd like to play?

-Oh, I will. I'll play.

-The rules are simple.

Answer some questions about the shipwreck collection

and, if you're right, you'll get the thumbs-up from Captain Bouc

and the chance to search for treasure.

-Thumbs down means your answer's wrong.

-Question one.

What was the first ship in this collection of wrecked ship?

Is it A - the Sunbeam?

B - the Moonbeam?

Or C - the Quarantine?

HE COUGHS

I'll give you a clue. It was built in 1857, my favourite year.

I think it's the Sunbeam.

Is correct! Yes, the Sunbeam was built in bonnie Scotland in 1857.

-You can go and find treasure, Naomi.

-Yes!

-Can't find any treasure. I only found this.

-Oh, well. Waste not, want not.

Question two.

What was the first to ship that was scuttled here in Port Adelaide?

Was it A - the Semolina?

B - the Semmin Holy?

Or C - the Semicolon?

Oh. I'll give you a clue. It was scuttled in 1909, my favourite year.

Well, the only one that sounds realistic is the Semmin Holy.

-It must be that.

-Is corr...

No. No, that's wrong.

-I pronounced it Semmin Holy and it's actually Seminole.

-What?

-Sorry.

Question three.

Of the 40 wrecks in the collection,

which of the following names are not legitimate boat names?

Enterprise, Flinders, Jen, Annie, or Grace Darling.

-Darling?

-Yes, darling?

-Oh, no, don't call me darling.

-Bit awkward.

-Which is it, then?

-Grace Darling?

Oh, is incorrect.

In fact, they are all legitimate boat names.

-So, you didn't say any incorrect boat names, anyway?

-No.

-I couldn't have won?

-I don't know.

-Did I get that right or wrong?

-I don't care any more.

At least you saw it through to the bitter end.

This, the desert, that most dangerous of places.

Especially if you're a species known as the Edis Petrius, behind me.

The Petrius is not originally from Australia,

so when visiting the desert,

it struggles with even the most basic survival skills.

Let's see if we can get a little bit closer to this very rare species.

Come on. We have to be very quiet. I don't want to startle it.

Wow, look at this.

He knows, naturally, to protect me from the baking sun

in this Australian desert.

This is incredible.

-Amazing.

-What's also incredible and amazing is that,

here at Alice Springs Desert Park, you can explore not one, not two,

but three, different types of Australian desert.

There's lots of plants and wildlife.

Deserts are not all sand dunes, you know.

In fact, almost 20% of Australia is desert.

Ed and Johny,

you have 31 seconds to find out as much as you can about Desert Park.

Ed, you have Leah, who works at the park.

Johny, you have Renata, who's a guide here.

Whoever finds out the most facts gets a special treat.

Three, two, one, go.

-Is a desert park like a theme park?

-No.

-Have you got roller coasters?

-No.

-Can you name a plant in the desert?

-Mulga.

-What have you got?

-Plants, animals!

-Another one.

-OK, er... Witchetty.

-What's your favourite desert?

-The Tanami Desert.

-What's your favourite dessert?

-Chocolate!

-That's mine too. Lovely.

-Witchetty. Is that where witchetty grubs come from?

-Yes.

-Can you can eat witchetty grubs?

-Yes.

-Do you have snakes here?

-Yes.

-Aaah!

-How long have people lived in the desert?

-35,000 years.

-That's a long time.

-KLAXON

-I think we got lots of questions in there, didn't we?

-Yeah, we did.

And now I'm absolutely terrified!

And the person who found out the most facts is...

-..Ed.

-Oh, awesome.

-Aaaaah!

And here's my prize. Dessert in the desert.

-Oh, save us just a little bit.

-No.

-Just a little bit.

-Ed, I just want...

-No, I'm really enjoying this hot cake.

-No.

-In this hot desert! Nice warm cake!

-I'm going to go and have some water.

Well, Ed, if you get a sore tummy from eating all that cake

then you can try some bush medicine.

Local Aboriginal people have been using stuff

that grows here in the desert for thousands of years.

The desert doctor will see you now.

Looks like you've got a good set-up. What have we got?

These three are antiseptics.

You can grind it up on a grinding stone

and you can mix it in with animal fat,

so preferably emu's fat and goanna's fat.

A lot of people like using it for arthritis.

That what I'm getting my gran for Christmas.

-Emu fat and some of that stuff.

-I know.

-I'm sure she'll love that.

So, your witchetty grub, besides it being a source of food,

you can use it for medicinal properties, as well.

So, if you ever burn yourself, while it's alive,

just crush it up and wipe it over the top of your burn

and it dries, puts a sealant on it, and...

-So, I could use this to dig up some witchetty grubs?

-Yeah.

-This is basically like a traditional Aborigine shovel?

-Yeah.

OK. So, that's my grandad's Christmas present sorted, as well.

Have you got anything for if you've been in the sun too long?

-I'm starting to get a bit hot.

-Generally you just use shade.

-Oh.

-Where can I find some of that?

-Don't worry about that, Ed.

I think I know the perfect place.

Welcome to the Nocturnal House.

It's one of the very best places

to check out some of the Aussie desert wildlife

that only comes out at night.

Oh, right. I'm more interested in the air conditioning.

Nice and cool after all that desert.

Don't get too comfortable there, Ed,

because right behind you is the enclosure for the king brown,

one of the deadliest snakes in the world.

I'm just going outside again.

That's a shame. I wanted to check out some of the Aussie nightlife.

And where better to check out the nocturnal nightlife

than at a nightclub?

Especially if you're a couple of kangaroos.

HIGH-PITCHED: Excuse me.

DEEP VOICE: Excuse me, is this the nightclub?

It's Rockturnal.

Australia's premier nightclub for nocturnal animals.

-Isn't it the ONLY club for nocturnal animals?

-Might be.

But here at Rockturnal, we only let the very coolest animals inside.

-That means the wombats will be there.

-Course they will!

-The wombats love it in here. Yeah!

-Whoo-hoo!

-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah!

-Whoo-hoo!

-Well, no.

-BOTH: Oh.

You see, your wombats live under the surface in super-long burrows,

so they'll probably be in some dingy underground club dancing with worms.

-However that works.

-I'll tell you who will be inside.

-The rock wallabies.

-Yeah!

# I'm not a pop wannabe

# I'm a rock wannabe!

# Rocking all night If you wanna follow me... #

It's not that kind of rock, is it?

They're called rock wallabies cos they hang out in cliffs

and piles of boulders, not cos they're in a rock band.

And if they were in there,

your singing's probably scared them off.

-I'll tell you who will be inside. The spiny anteater!

-Of course!

The spiny anteater loves it in Rock... Ow! Ooh!

-What's that?

-Actually, the spiny anteater's out here.

When it sees a predator, something he thinks is going to eat it,

it digs into the ground, leaving only its spikes sticking up.

Looks like he got you a good 'un.

So, what you're saying is, there's no-one in your stupid club.

-Um, well...

-Come on. We're going to find some proper nightlife.

-Come on, guys.

-No, hang on. Er, you can come in.

You can come in for free.

Ohh! Kids. Haven't got the brains they were born with.

-BOING!

-Ow! Stupid spiny anteater!

CRASH!

Ed, here we are in Coffs Harbour.

Hey, I spy with my little eye something beginning with B.

Ooh.

B, you say?

-Tricky.

-Yes, B.

Um...

Ah! Beach!

What? No.

Oh, OK. Oh, obvious. Blue sky.

-This is a joke, yeah?

-Right, give me a clue.

-You need a clue?

For something beginning with B?

Yes. Preferably in song form.

MUSIC STARTS

-# It's a big banana

-Yes, a big banana

-# It's a big banana

-Ooh, a big banana

# Back in 1964 A man named John Landi

# Thought a giant banana might come in handy

# To help him sell roadside food from his banana plantation

# He had one built in Coffs Harbour An exact recreation

# Bana-na-na-na-na-naa

# Big bana-na-na-na-na-naa

# It's 11m long

# Five high and two wide

# And visitors to the theme park

# Can even walk inside

# It's not just its dimensions

# That are interesting

# It started a trend for Aussie big things

# And, no, we're not jesting

BOTH: # If they like it then they make a big thing of it

# That's why we've come here just to sing of it

# They're really, really into big stuff out here

# And one big thing isn't enough out here

# No-no-no-no-no-no

# Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no

# Big pineapple

# Big lobster

# Big golden guitar

# Big barramundi

# Big merino

# And a 12-tonne koala

# Building these roadside giants

# Has become tradition

# So if you see a 10m boxing crocodile

# It's not an apparition

BOTH: # Cos there's big things in every single state out here

# Each one answers to its mate out here

# They're visible for miles and miles around, you see

# And these aren't the only ones we've found, you see

# There's 150 on this list Shall I read them all?

# I think they've got the gist

BOTH: # If they like it

# then they make a big thing of it

# That's why we've come here just to sing of it

# If you ever find yourself in Australia

# If you don't see a big thing

# You're a failure. #

-# Something beginning with B, wasn't it?

-Yes!

I've got it, finally - it's Beyonce!

You're here at the Golden Gateway Gold Dig,

near Ararat in the state of Victoria. And if you haven't

guessed already, Ed and Michelle are here to dig for real gold.

The winner will be the person who finds the most.

If no gold is found,

then the person who finds the most hidden coins will win.

This year, 150 people will be taking part in the dig,

all of them hoping to strike it rich.

It's time to meet the very generous man who lets people keep

the gold they find on his land.

Here's Murray!

So how much gold can people find in one dig here?

The genuine gold, not the stuff that you've planted.

Ah, you can find very small pieces to big pieces,

or maybe you can find a piece like this, here.

-This gold has been dug out of the ground.

-Whoa!

-Gosh!

-Yeah.

-It's really heavy, as well, isn't it?

-How much is that worth?

I believe it's 5,000-plus.

-5,000?

-Murray, look over there.

-Yeah!

-THEY LAUGH

No, I wouldn't do that to you, Murray.

I wouldn't do that to you.

So if I found a nugget like that today, I get to keep it?

If you picked up a nugget or, say, 20,000, that is your gold.

This is the best event we've ever done, Michelle!

This is a great, great day. THEY LAUGH

-Cannot wait. Sounds incredible.

-We need to get cracking.

-Yeah. See you later.

-Righto.

-I guess you'll be wanting this back.

Thank you. I will. Yeah, thanks very much.

So what do you have to do to become a gold digger?

Well, listen up - here are the steps.

You need something to dig with.

You need a hat to protect your head

from the sun.

Most importantly,

you need a metal detector.

When the metal detector beeps,

start digging.

And dig some more.

And keep digging until you find something.

Well, there's definitely still gold in them thar hills.

Only ten years ago, this massive gold nugget,

nicknamed Goldasaurus, was found in the area.

It weights 4.4kg and is worth around £140,000,

but during the gold rush, the Welcome Stranger nugget

was the largest ever found,

weighing a whopping 64kg,

which is worth around £1.5 million.

That's going to be heavy around your neck.

So what are your top gold-finding tips, then?

Really listen to the gold detector.

And feel part of the gold detector, and it'll tell you where to go.

You've got a very fetching necklace on here.

-Is this solid gold, by any chance?

-Yes, solid gold.

-Dug it out of the ground with my own hands.

-Wow.

Not many people that can say that.

This guy here's got a Nugget that big! Unfortunately, it's a dog,

called Nugget.

Now you have those nuggets of wisdom, let's start the event.

Remember, the more coins or gold you find,

the more chances you have of winning.

Gold fingers at the ready!

-Metal detector primed and ready, Michelle?

-Let's do this.

METAL DETECTOR BEEPS Yes! OK.

Ooh-ooh-ooh!

I've found something! Yes! Yes!

It's five cents.

Ooh-ooh, well done, Michelle.

You're five cents closer to becoming a millionaire. Keep digging.

-METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

-I've found the toilet.

-Definitely made of metal.

-Metal toilet, well done. Go spend a penny.

Oh, you haven't found any yet. Get on with it, Petrie.

Another five cents!

That's more cents than Petrie's ever had.

Get it - sense? Never mind.

It's amazing to think this is how some people

spend their entire weekend...

Oh, it's a nail!

It's a nail!

It's not just a nail - it's a rusty nail!

Not quite a piece of gold or the coins you were looking for, Ed.

Where? Where, Mr Metal Detector?

METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

If I'm not mistaken, that is the sound of gold.

No, it's another nail.

You're the king of nails, Ed. Unbelievable.

METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

Oh.

-Oh, has Ed found another nail?

-Is that gold?

I see what's happening.

I wonder how long it'll take him to work out he's wearing a gold ring.

I'm not imagining this. This rock...

is making a noise.

So there must be some metal in here. Oh, hang on.

I've got a ring on.

That was embarrassing.

-METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

-Oh, you're joking.

-That's a really strong signal, as well.

-Oh...

-Now it's getting interesting.

-OK...

This has got to be good.

Can I just...

Hey, hey, hey! Hey, get off my patch!

Yeah, get him out of there. He'll turn it into nails.

Oh, you'd better hurry up with your digging, Michelle.

-Something in there.

-Oh, now it's getting interesting.

Who's going to dig it out the fastest?

A-ha!

-No!

-A-ha-ha!

-Ooh!

-Hello, there.

-What you got, Ed?

-What is it?

-One cent.

-One cent? That's...

That's fantastic - you only need another ten to beat Michelle.

METAL DETECTOR BEEPS

Oh.

SHE GASPS

I've found something!

-I've found gold!

-No way. Let me see.

-Is it? Is it gold? Show us!

-Look!

Wow! Actual gold! Eureka!

We had a great day, Murray. I think we've got gold fever now.

We just want everything in gold.

Yep, I'm going to paint my car gold, paint my front door gold...

-I've seen a lovely gold outfit that'd suit you actually.

-Oh, lovely.

-Mm.

-Actually, can I touch that nugget one last time?

-Course you can.

-So, Murray, who's the winner?

-Well, the winner is...Michelle!

SHE LAUGHS

Yay! Thank you! Thank you...

Ed? I'm sorry about this, Murray. I'll go and get... Ed! Get back here!

MURRAY LAUGHS

You've been watching All Over The Place, Australia!