Bed Racing in France All Over the Place

If you want to know why Michelle and I are dressing up, throwing stuff

and having a lie down on some very unusual beds, then keep watching!

Yeah, no time for napping now, folks. Wakey-wakey,

or you'll miss all this lot.

There's Ian taking a cheesy selfie...

Victoria working out...

Chris travelling in style...

Johny gets an Eiffel..

and teensy tiny Cel and Mark.

Big Shoes!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest

# Me and my mates, all over the place

# It's true what you've heard, everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange but true!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# There's stuff to do in Europe and it's totally ace

-# And it turns up

-All over the place! #

99% of all people who live in the Netherlands own a bike.

IAIN WHISTLES

-Oh, no.

-Oh, you are kidding me on.

This is a presenter's worst nightmare.

-You're wearing same clothes as me.

-I told you last night

I was wearing my funny straw hat and my white ensemble.

Oh, he's dressed like us, as well.

-Right, we'll both have to present in our pants.

-Not again!

And they're wearing the same clothes, too.

This is the worst case of Same Outfit Syndrome I've ever seen!

-It's like prom all over again.

-What's going on?

I'll tell you what's going on,

it's only one of the oldest cheese markets in the world,

serving up the smelly stuff since around 1593.

Every Friday morning in the summer, thousands of visitors

watch a tradition that's over 400 years old, involving bell ringing,

confusing costumes and men running around carrying sledges of cheese.

I know, why don't you two get involved in the market,

chat to the workers, maybe take some cheesy photos?

Voiceover man, these are hard-working people.

The last thing they need is idiots interrupting them

-while they go about their business. Say, cheese!

-ALL:

-Cheese!

-Boom!

-Oh, hang on. What's going on here?

What's going on now?

This is cheese bargaining. It involves slapping hands

and shouting prices. Once the price of cheese is agreed,

they shake on it and the deal's done - just like this.

-I would like to take a selfie with you.

-Oh, go on, then, Iain.

-Why do you run like that?

-Well, it's very simple.

-If you walk like this... It will be very heavy on the shoulders.

-Oh, OK.

So, but if you do the dribble, the cheese carrier dribble,

it is floating between the two cheese carriers. It's floating.

-Can you talk me through the dribble, please?

-It's easy, it's easy.

-We can try later on when you are ready...

-Yeah.

..and you'll know a little bit of dribble,

and you could see if you can be a cheese carrier yourself.

-It's not that heavy!

-Argh!

Who's that guy? He seems awful busy in his big orange hat.

Oh, he's a BIG CHEESE around here!

He's the cheese father, he's in charge of the cheese market.

Maybe one day I could be the cheese father.

-IN ITALIAN ACCENT:

-The Gouda Father?

Gouda Father, you asked for me?

I'm tired, son.

It's time for you to take over the family business.

The crime and corruption business.

No, the other one. The cheese thing.

-We've been making cheese for over 2,000 years.

-No wonder you're tired.

Not me personally, the family.

Cheese is in our blood.

-That doesn't sound healthy, at all.

-Not literally in our blood.

I mean, we are heavily involved in the production of Dutch cheeses -

Maasdammer, Boerenkaas, goat...

Whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah!

Gouda Father, goat's not a cheese - it's an animal.

Son, it strikes me that you don't seem to know

a great deal about cheese.

I don't know anything, I don't like the taste.

HE GASPS

-Gouda Father, I didn't mean to upset you.

-No, no. It's heartburn.

I eat a huge amount of cheese.

In fact, I have two pieces of Limburger in my cheeks

-in case I get hungry at night.

-That's what that is.

-How can you not like cheese?

-I don't like the taste.

HE INHALES SHARPLY

-Heartburn?

-No.

This time I'm upset. Cheese means the world to me.

I've never tried one that I actually like.

Son, I'm going to make you a cracker you cannot refuse.

FARTING NOISE

Apologies.

It seems I have, in every sense of the word, cut the cheese.

One, two, three, go! Oh, it's heavy. Oh, it's heavy.

Iain's off.

-Oh, come on.

-Keep your hands free.

-Agh! It's really heavy.

I don't like where we're going. Oh!

Do you think you can manage that?

I think I could manage it better than him.

-Get out of the way!

-Good job.

Easy cheesy.

But the cheese father doesn't look impressed.

Can Ed do better?

Nope!

Oh, It's not on, it's not on!

He's even lost his hat.

-This is a disaster.

-Wait here. Whoa.

LAUGHTER

Boom! He's down again.

Oh, no. I just fell on a pile of cheese.

Petrie falls for a second time.

-Yes, I'm hopping.

-Is it too for Ed?

-Stop!

Who is the big cheese today at the Alkmaar cheese market?

Iain Stirling? #cheesysmile.

Or Ed Petrie? #cheesybum.

# Y'all ready for this? #

I think you will always the best from overall.

-So, I'm the best?

-Sorry for you.

-Oh, what?

-Yes, I'm the best.

A celebratory selfie, I believe, is in order. Guys, say cheese!

-ALL:

-Cheese.

Sicily is the largest island in the Mediterranean Sea.

Oh, Victorius, my lovely Roman wife. I have a surprise for you.

I've completely redecorated the villa

and I think you are going to love it.

Oh, Edius, my lovely senator husband,

have you been decorating without my supervision again?

I do hope it's not tiles. You know how I hate tiles.

SHE SCREAMS

This is Villa Romana del Casale, which was built 1,689 years ago.

It has the largest and the best Roman mosaics in the world.

A mosaic is one of these, a fancy picture or pattern

made using tiny pieces of stone, glass, tile or even gold or silver.

The most famous mosaic in the collection

is nicknamed the bikini girls,

but these ten ladies are actually female athletes,

taking part in various sporting activities.

OK, enough jibber-jabber. Time to work out!

# I work out... #

Feel the burn, Sabrina. Feel the burn.

So, why are they wearing bikinis, Sabrina?

Oh, the bikini was a sort of underwear

they used to cover their bodies. But the first one, she was a jumper.

-You see the weights?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

The weights were used to give them a rhythm in this way...

-before the jump.

-OK.

-She has a discus.

Jumping. A sort of volleyball. These are the medicine balls.

Yeah, so they're doing all the sorts of things

-that people in a gym would do these days.

-Yeah, nothing changes.

If we walk very carefully around, can we have a look at some more?

-Yeah, just follow the wall.

-Thanks, Sabrina.

-Thanks, Sabrina.

-You're Welcome.

-See you in a bit.

# Walk this way talk this way... #

We're very lucky to be walking on this, most people aren't allowed to.

You've got to be careful where you tread. Not there!

Don't these mosaics look perfect? That's because they were buried

under a huge pile of mud for 700 years after an epic landslide,

so they couldn't be damaged by air, rain or wind.

FARTING NOISE

No, not that type of wind!

-Even the toilet's got a mosaic in.

-Yeah, of course they did.

The toilet was like a really, really important room.

In fact, coming to the toilet was a social event.

They'd all sit around talking to each other.

-And at the end, they'd wipe their bottoms with the same sponge.

-Wow!

-Just like today.

-No, Ed, nothing like today.

Oh, yeah, of course.

I've been hanging around with the wrong sort of people.

Speaking of the wrong sort of people, it's Game Show Man.

-Have you heard of the well-known programme The Cube?

-Yeah, I love it.

Well, this is the cheaper, daytime version, The Square.

Here is a picture of the world famous fishing Cupid's mosaic.

It's got a load of fishing and stuff.

Now, your fishy challenge is that you must recreate this

-mosaic within the time limit.

-OK, brilliant.

I can totally do that, right. What is the time limit?

-Three seconds?

-What?

-That's impossible.

-Are going to do it or not? Those are the rules.

-Yes.

-Prepare to enter The Square.

Go!

-Stop!

-What?

-Oh, dear. You've run out of time. Get out of The Square.

Don't worry, you have one challenge left in The Square.

This is a picture of the gym mosaic, featuring chariots,

which the Romans used in battle and to race against each other.

Now, it's your turn to race against the clock.

Enter The Square.

You wouldn't...

All you have to do is put those red balls into that container

-using the straw.

-I can do that.

-I can totally do that. I can do it.

-Four seconds.

Wearing this.

I don't make up the rules.

-Three, two, one, go.

-Oh. Erm...

-Stop! Oh, dear. You've lost your final life.

-Oh.

-How do you feel, Victoria?

-Gutted.

Come here. Don't be sad because I'm going to give you that prize anyway.

What, really?

-Oops!

-SHE SCREAMS

It's been smashing. See you next time.

Parts of the German motorway, the autobahn,

have no speed limits at all!

Hang on, I was told we were going on safari. Where's the jungle?

-Well, it's more of an urban jungle.

-Eh?

As we are going on a Trabi safari.

# If you want to see stuff in Berlin

# And you're not sure where you should begin

# Take a trip in one of these

# Looks cool What is it, please?

# It's an old East German motorcar

# Used by tourists from near and far

# To explore the city

# Known as the Trabi

# So jump right in, turn the key

# What's the first thing you'd like to see?

# I tell you what would be great take me to the Brandenburg Gate

# This landmark used to be the main entrance to the city

# Now a sight of unity

# On our Trabi safari in Berlin

# Taking all the sites in

# If you've not been before

# Take this once in a lifetime tour

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# Check out this sightseeing tour

# It was built in the 18th century and has played its part in history

# It's seen Napoleon and reunification

# On top, from Greek mythology a winged goddess of victory

-# Rides on a chariot

-I prefer our Trabi, but

# It's time to go so, where to?

# The Reichstag building and it's true

# This building has a violent past bombed down, burnt out

# Now built to last

# Parliament calls it home beneath an impressive glass dome

# An architectural site to see

# On our trabi safari in Berlin

# Taking all the sites in if you've not been before

# Take this once-in-a-lifetime tour

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# Check out this sightseeing tour

# One thing we have to see for sure the remains of the Berlin Wall

# Hard to believe it's true this place was split in two

# For reasons political authorities built a giant wall

# Berlin became East and West travel between them was suppressed

# But in 1989 change occurred, a radical time

# The Wall came down, the East was free

# On our Trabi safari in Berlin

# Taking all the sites in

# If you've not been before

# Take this once-in-a-lifetime tour

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# In a tr-a-a-a-a-bi

# Check out this sightseeing tour. #

The symbol for the Euro currency was created by a Belgian guy,

Alain Billiet.

-Wow! This is impressive.

-I'm a little bit underwhelmed.

I just expected the Eiffel Tower to be a bit bigger.

-Johny, what country are we in?

-Belgium.

-And where's the Eiffel Tower?

-There.

-No, it's in France, isn't it?

-Yeah.

This is mini Europe,

where they build small versions of famous European landmarks.

Ed's right, for once.

Mini Europe is a theme park that makes you feel like

a globetrotting giant!

Each of these buildings are from a country

in the European Union - the EU -

and they're all 25 times smaller than the building they're based on,

which means Ed and Johny would have to be the same height

as a human thumb to fit through all those tiny doors!

Ed and Johny, you have 30 seconds to find out as much as you can

about Mini Europe.

Ed, you have Eric, who knows all about the models,

but doesn't speak English - just French!

And Johny, you've got Yael, who knows all about the European Union.

Three, two, one, GO!

-Yael, what is the EU?

-It's a political and economic partnership

between European countries.

THEY SPEAK FRENCH

-How many original member states were there?

-Six.

-How many member states are there now?

-28.

THEY SPEAK FRENCH

-How much are the ice creams to buy here?

-2.90.

THEY SPEAK FRENCH

HOOTER HONKS

And the person who found out the most facts is...

Johny!

-Yes!

-That's not fair. I was trying to do mine in French.

HE SPEAKS FRENCH

Well, I have to say, this is definitely the best

European-themed model village I've ever seen.

-It's very grand.

-Yes, it's really regal.

-It's really...

TOGETHER: Stately.

You're listening to... All over the place Europe radio.

This is the official stately chart.

-At number three...

-Northwest Spain.

-Galicia.

-It's not grim.

-It's not grimy.

-TOGETHER: It's stately.

It's the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela.

This replica took over 24,000 hours to build -

that's the equivalent of one person working on their own 13 years.

That is grim.

-And at two...

-It's grim up North.

-But not grimy.

Northern Italy. The beautiful Villa Rotunda in Vicenza.

Built nearly 500 years ago, all of this stately building's sides

are completely identical.

We're giving it up for the headquarters

of the European Union in Brussels.

Yes, at number one, it's the mighty Berlaymont.

The same amount of floor space as 925 tennis courts.

Making it the biggest of all of the European commission buildings.

-It's not grim.

-It's not grimy.

-TOGETHER: But stately.

I've just been thinking, Johny, you know what these buildings are?

-Really small?

-Well, apart from that. Notice anything obvious?

-Well, they're all really clean.

-Yeah, exactly. They're spotless.

I wonder who have to clean these clean all these?

Must take them absolutely ages.

Oi! Keep it down, you big louts. Some of us are on a tea break here.

-What you got there?

-Yeah, what is it?

-Oh, this?

Oh, it's just a little bit of the latest edition

of Most Difficult Buildings In The World To Clean monthly magazine.

-Never heard of it.

-Well, you know how all these little buildings around us

are like models of massive buildings in real life?

-Well, you'll never guess...

-Lookout, someone's picking their nose.

-You dirty big pickers!

-That was a close one.

Anyway, you'll never guess which European building

is over 309 metres tall and is built from

95% of recycled construction material.

Oh, easy one that - the Shard in London.

Yeah, there's enough glass in that to cover eight football pitches.

I don't think you should play football on glass.

-BOTH:

-Nobody does.

-Hang about, hang about, how did you know that?

Oh, because I cleaned it.

Yeah, yeah, I cleaned every single one of its 11,000 glass panels,

using this...

My trusty feather duster.

-Oh, it may be massive but it's as light as a...

-Crisp packet!

-No, it's lighter than that.

-Look!

Anyway, you won't have cleaned this building.

This building has 1,860 steps from street level

all the way up to its 102nd floor.

Oh, the Empire State building in New York?

-Cleaned it.

-All right. Well, you won't have cleaned this one.

Oh, the International Space Station? Cleaned it.

Yep, I held my breath and cleaned all the solar panels.

Ooh, that was hard work.

Hang about, you ain't cleaned any of these buildings

because you haven't been to London, you ain't been to America,

and you have not been to space.

-In fact, you never leave that tiny shoe box that you call home.

-Oi!

-That's a quality shoe box, that.

-Big shoes!

-Yeah, they were, actually. So, it's quite roomy.

-No, look out,

big shoes!

Mont Blanc, in France, is Europe's highest mountain.

Ed, what are we going to do? It's Bastille day in France,

everybody knows it's the busiest day of the year,

we have been travelling for ages and, quite frankly, I'm tired.

We're never going to find a bed for the night.

Fear not, Michelle, I have a strategy, as the French say.

We'll disguise ourselves as French people so well

that they'll welcome us with open arms.

Ah, bon idee, Monsieur Petrie.

-Just as well we've got this French stuff, eh?

-Parfait!

-Something's missing.

-Mm.

Merci, monsieur.

HE SPEAKS FRENCH

Oh, what a lovely, friendly French man.

No idea what he said, though.

Did you pay attention in French class?

I think he means he's going to find you a fast bed!

This is the Festival of the Unusual

and I think you two will fit right in!

Every year on the 14 July, the village of Mahalon in Brittany

celebrates the French national holiday, Le Quatorze Juillet -

or, as we Brits call it - Bastille Day.

Bastille Day pays tribute to the French revolution,

which took place on 14th July, 1789, but today is a little bit different.

So, monsieur, since you're the mayor of Mahalon,

you're properly the best person to tell us...

What's going on, today? It all seems very French.

-TRANSLATION:

-We're celebrating Bastille Day national holiday

in France in a special way,

so we've organised the world bed on wheels championship.

Why do you race with beds?

-TRANSLATION:

-We wanted to get away from the traditional celebration

of parades or military marches, so we chose to have a procession

-of funny beds, you know.

-It sounds perfect for us.

Is there any chance we can have a go?

-TRANSLATION:

-Oh, yes, the celebration's open to everyone.

Anyone can sign up and take part. It's free, too,

-so there's no problem. Hey, YOU can even have a go.

-Oh, great.

I hope you don't mind, we are a bit tired,

-so we're going to have a lie down first.

-Yeah, all right.

We've been travelling around Europe, Mr Mayor.

-We're just going to sleep...

-Great, yeah. Climb aboard.

-Good night.

-Oh, careful, love.

-Bon nuit, Monsieur le Mayor.

-Good night.

-Oh, comfy.

-SHE LAUGHS

The Festival of the Unusual also likes to break world records.

There's throwing and catching eggs, flip-flop flicking,

and beret hurling. Fancy seeing some dodgy world record attempts?

Look no further, this is...

Yes, why not celebrate your French freedom by tossing a crepe?

Which is a famous French pancake

originally from this part of France, Brittany.

Come on, guys, throw one in my direction.

CHEERING

-Sorry! Sorry.

-Into the crowd?

-Sorry.

-How embarrassing.

Yeah, OK, big Ed. Let's see if you can do better?

Deux, trois!

Oh, no.

And the answer is a no!

-It's not as easy as it looks.

-That was worse than my one.

HE CHUCKLES

Into the crowd and behind you.

No records broken, there.

The world record stands at 7.45 metres. Go for it, Ed!

Wow, 1.45 metres. Only six metres out!

-Oh.

-It's not good.

-Not good.

There's no time for a slice of this massive Breton cake.

You two have a main event to take part in - the famous bed race!

Three teams of three go bed-to-bed in each heat,

dashing round the 344-metre circuit in the fastest time possible.

The first section is a long downhill followed by a tight left-hand bend -

hang on to your bed frames!

-It looks a bit hairy.

-Next is a long, flat straight.

But don't be fooled - these beds can have a mind of their own.

Watch out for the hay bales!

Just testing out the crash barriers.

-Hill's pretty steep, actually, isn't it?

-Yeah.

I'm kind of glad we're sat in the bed, rather than pushing it.

I know, it's great.

The steepest section separates the champions from the champignons -

the winners from the mushrooms - as teams must push the beds,

and sometimes grannies up the final hill.

The world record stands at one minute and 15 seconds.

-HE YAWNS

-I think I need a lie down!

But first, let's meet the teams.

By the way, they don't speak English.

So, team, what should I be doing on this bed to win the race?

-To win? To ganger?

-Qu'est-ce que c'est.

Do you guys...? Tres fort? Strong?

-Yes, yes yes.

-To push hard.

-Tenir ici?

-Oui.

-Hold here. I've just got to hold on for dear life

as we go around the corners. C'est dangereux?

HE SPEAKS FRENCH

Right, I'll take that as a "yes."

Mais, oui! This could be tres dangereux.

No time to worry, I can hear the engines snoring.

Trois, deux, un, ALLEZ!

HOOTER HONKS

SHE SCREAMS

And Michelle takes an early lead, Ed looks scared - as always.

But Ed's bed has hit the hay,

which is appropriate because "hit the hay" means to go to sleep.

Anyway, back to the race. Will that hay bale be the final straw for Ed?

Michelle is way out in front.

Team Michelle's approaching the corner tres dangereux.

But it's an impressive power slide from Team Ed,

which keeps him in contention.

Lewis Hamilton would be proud of that.

Michelle looks confident on the long straight.

-ALLEZ, ALLEZ, ALLEZ!

-But Ed is catching up.

At halfway, it's looking neck and neck.

Oh, Ed has the racing line - he's pushed team Michelle off course.

Michelle has crashed! It's a disaster.

But she's picked up an extra helper, not quite sure that's allowed.

It's the last climb and Team Ed is out in front.

Team Michelle looks like they're ready for their beds!

-Whoo-hoo!

-Oh, here we go. Last bit, last bit!

Come on, here we go!

Tu es le plus!

Don't tell them in French, it's embarrassing.

You're the best Frenchmen in the world. Oh, so close!

He's slumber one!

Ed finishes in one minute, 45 seconds - 30 seconds off the record!

Meanwhile, Michelle's crashed again.

She is, literally, all over the place. See what I did there?

And, finally, Michelle is over the line in two minutes.

Yes!

Are you allowed to jump on that bed, Ed?

Le grand prix, all over the place, in Europe, aujourd'hui - Team Ed!

ED CHEERS

J'ai le grand prix! I have the big prize.

-Vive la France!

-I just need to sleep now.

You've been watching All Over The Place - Europe!