Breezy Listening Blues Arthur

# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open your eyes! Open your ears!

# Get together, make things better By working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

Hey, DW!

-Hey!

-Whoa!

Francine, not bad. Sue Ellen, excellent.

Muffy, Congo is a country, not a dance.

Ahem!

Were you feeling all right when you took this test?

You're off your usual mark.

BRAIN GASPS B-minus?

-Are you sure this is correct?

-Yes, I'm afraid so.

Don't take it too hard. You just had an off day.

-A B-minus isn't so bad.

-Yeah, it's in the Bs.

I love the Bs.

It's only one grade above a C-plus. I've never gotten a B-minus before.

-You'll do better next time.

-What if I don't? My brain is deteriorating!

I could get a C next time!

And then, in less than a year, I could be like...

'like...'

Arthur, Buster, look! A UFO!

-It's just a dirigible, Brain.

-A diriga...wha?

You know, a blimp?

A big balloon.

I'd hate to see the kid who lost that!

Hey look! There's still frosting on that cupcake!

This could be the start of something very bad.

What did you do before the test? Maybe something threw you off?

It was a normal Sunday. I got up at 7.45...

111...

112...

'Did 135 sit-ups.

'Had some juice and a bran muffin.

'Did the crossword in 3 minutes and the word jumble in 57 seconds.

'Then my mom and I opened up the ice-cream shop.

'I put some music on and...'

Wait! We had no music! That was different!

"Breezy Listening." What is it?

Background music. My mom thought it might encourage people to buy more.

We're listening to it right now.

I know that tune from somewhere.

Maybe it has secret messages in it that are making you dumb.

-Buster, there are no secret messages in the music.

-Probably not.

Some people think plant growth is affected by music.

Who knows? Maybe this CD did change me.

There's only one way to find out.

The experiment will consist of two tests.

First, you put shapes into the holes in silence.

Then with the CD on. And I'll record your response times, OK?

-When do we get our candy?

-When the experiment is over.

I'm hungry now! I can't concentrate when I'm hungry.

HE SIGHS OK, OK. You can have some candy now.

THEY GUZZLE GREEDILY

Ready, set...

Go!

Stop! Stop! What are you doing?

I'm putting the shapes in the hole, isn't that what you wanted.

No, Tommy, he meant these holes, like this.

TIMMY GRUNTS

You're doing it wrong, Timmy. Use your feet.

There!

More candy, please!

"Find better test subjects."

So, average time for puzzle in silence equals 5.4 seconds.

Now for the hard part.

Intense exposure to Breezy Listening.

MUZAK PLAYS

HE YAWNS

Wow! This place is huge.

It's much bigger than the Elwood City mall.

That's cos it's the Swellwood City Mall -

everything is bigger and better. Want a credit card?

Um, sure.

-Happy shopping!

-Thanks.

Funny. I suddenly feel the need to buy lots and lots of stuff.

Welcome to Chicken Lickin', can I take your order?

An extra crispy chickaritos with pinada sauce and and fries,

-and a large cola, please.

-Do you want to mega-size that cola for 10 cents?

-It's the combo! Bruck!

-OK.

-HE GROANS

-Free mint?

-No!

Is there somewhere where I can rest and not buy things? I feel sick.

Try the Swellwood library, located in the east wing of the mall.

Finally, some place with peace and quiet.

Miss Turner, what's going on? You never allow music in the library.

It's just a little background music. No-one minds it.

How can you read books in here? I can't hear myself think.

We don't carry books any more. We carry bookazines.

They're like books but without the hard parts. And they're for sale.

Here, try Tolstoy's Peace, it's hysterical.

No! This can't be happening.

Arthur, don't you see what's going on? It's this music.

It's turned us into machines that buy things. We have to escape!

Sorry, sir. You have to pay for that Arthur doll.

"Arthur doll"?

Want to pull my cord?

-Feed me!

-Pay off your credit, sir.

No-o-o-o-o-o-o!

HE GASPS

HE SIGHS

My test results after playing the CD were a quarter second

behind my normal score. This proves it's affecting my brain.

A quarter of a second isn't much. How many tests did you do?

Just one. That's all I could take.

We can change the music, but it didn't cause your B-minus.

I don't dislike it, I mean, it's barely noticeable.

But it's designed to make people buy more. Isn't that wrong?

-Don't we want people to buy ice cream?

-Yeah, I guess.

-But we don't want to trick people into buying it.

-You're right.

OK, how about this? You can be in charge of the shop's music.

Try to find something everyone will like.

BLUES MUSIC PLAYS

-What are you playing?

-Koko Taylor, it's better than Breezy Listening.

Wait, here's my favourite part.

# When you leave this time

# Don't bother coming back

# Cos I'm tired of that... #

Why is she tired?

Her boyfriend is mean and she never wants to see him again.

Really? That's awful!

-It's just a song!

-I know. But could you play a different one?

-This one's making me kind of sad.

-What would you like to hear?

-There's Evil, I Cried Like A Baby...

-They all sound sad!

They're not! I Cried Like A Baby is upbeat. It just has a sad title.

-Here - I'll play it for you.

-Don't bother.

I sort of lost my appetite. Here.

-Music suggestions, huh? This is what you want.

-Mutakrude?

It's their latest album, Shin Splints. It's not in stores yet,

but my friend's cousin knows the ex-drummer. It's gonna be huge!

HEAVY METAL MUSIC

Don't worry! I'll get that!

Wait! I'll give you a free scoop with sprinkles!

What is that terrible sound?!

-Muddy crud?

-It's pronounced Mootakroode, moneybags.

The umlauts give the Us an "oo" sound.

Whatever it is, it's awful.

Here, Brain, play this - it's more appropriate.

OPERATIC SINGING

Ah! Listen to that voice. Isn't Rodney Gilfry dreamy?

-MUSIC STOPS

-Hey! You can't do that!

Why not? My suggestion came first.

-Excuse me, Molly. Patrons aren't allowed behind...

-Relax, Brain.

I heard you were looking for music. Everyone will like this.

# See the pretty boy... #

Oh, not THIS again!

Hey, if you play U Stink, you have to play We Stink too.

Yeah!

-You guys never even had a song.

-Sure we did! Hit it, Buster!

BOTH: # Oh, our name is We Stink

# We like to play rock'n'roll music... #

That's not singing! That's scrinching! This is singing.

OPERA Stop it!

This is an ice-cream shop, not a juke box.

From now on, there'll just be silence.

-Wanna go to the Sugar Bowl?

-Wait up, we'll join you.

Aah!

George, not bad. Fern, excellent.

Muffy, Caesar Augustus was a Roman emperor, not a summer salad.

-Hey, Brain, did you think the history test was hard?

-No.

But I know what I got anyway - a C-plus.

-Why do you think that?

-Cos I wound up putting Breezy Listening back on.

-The silence in the shop was getting to me.

-Ahem!

Don't tell me - it's a C-plus, right?

Worse? Is it a C? A C-minus?

I've failed?! Oh, no! I'm never gonna make it to 4th grade.

Excellent work, Alan. See? I told you it was just an off day.

Looks like there's nothing wrong with your brain, Brain!

So will you keep playing that background music?

CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC

-Hey, bighead! When does Mutakrude play?

-Track 8.

Right after U Stink - two songs to go.

OK. Another cup of chocolate taco with strawberry salsa,

and one of these. Sundae Hits is a lame name, but it is a great mix.

It's the customers' favourite music. I just put it together.

And it's selling like hot cakes!

Subtitles by BBC Broadcast 2005

E-mail us at [email protected]