Fern and Persimmony Glitchet Arthur

# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open your eyes! Open your ears!

# Get together, make things better By working together

# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

-# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other.

-Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

-Hey, DW!

->

Hey!

Whoa!

Oof!

We all love the story of Cinderella.

After this, you can weed the garden,

clean the carpets and wash the windows.

'But would we love it as much

'if the wicked stepmother was a kind and caring person?'

Never mind. I'll finish this up.

Here, you'd better go change for the ball.

Oh, thank you, kind stepmother!

'And what if Jack didn't have to run from the giant?'

Fee fi fo fum

I like to share with everyone.

Gee, thanks.

Honk!

'Imagine the story of Little Red Riding Hood

'without the big, bad wolf.'

Oh, Grandma, what strong arms you have.

All the better to hug you with, my dear.

So, how was your trip through the woods?

It was perfectly boring.

Yuck!

Hey, you, narrator!

If there's no big bad wolf in my story, then, what's the point?

I've finished 13 in A Series Of Horrendously Horrible Happenings.

-Me too.

-Don't you love the ending

with the Bronte children dangling from a cable car over the Alps?

But I want to know what happens next.

How much longer before book 14 is out?

Ten more weeks. The Horrendously Horrible books are popular.

I remember how I liked the first one - The Calamitous Commencement -

'when Duke Vladimir first kidnaps the Bronte orphans during his magic act.'

THEY GASP

And know, before your very eyes

-I shall make them disappear.

-AUDIENCE GASP

One!

Two!

Three!

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

The stage manager has informed me that it is time for her next act.

Since the show must go on I'll be unable to make the children reappear

during tonight's performance. Thank you and good night!

What about book number ten - The Awful Aquarium?

They find a happy home with Uncle Mac the ichthylogist.

-'but then Duke Vladimir ruins everything.'

-Splork!

Hand over your fortune or I will feed your sister to the sharks!

EVIL LAUGHTER

I wish I could write a book series someday.

Why not send a letter to Persimmony Glitchet,

and tell him his writing inspires you? There's an address in the book.

"Due to the dangerous nature of his research,

"Mr Glitchet is often on the run,

"but you may write to his trusted chauffeur,

"Max Wheeler, at this address."

I wonder if he would write back?

Are you kidding?

Then why would he bother to give an address at all?

"Dear Mr Glitchet,

"I really like your Horrendously Horrible books.

"I know you get lots of letters, so it's hard to answer all of them.

"Other favourites are Mary Shelley and Agatha Christie but they're dead

"so I can't write and expect an answer.

"I'm writing because I hope to become a professional writer like you.

"I would appreciate any advice that you have for me.

"Sincerely, Fern Walters."

Mr Glitchet, it's one of those dire emergencies.

Thank you, Max.

You don't expect an answer, do you? You've checked every day for weeks.

"PG, in care of Max Wheeler."

It's blank!

I said he wouldn't write back.

FRANCINE TUTS

-Why would Persimmony Glitchet send a blank piece of paper?

-Well...

A blank piece of paper means invisible ink!

He used invisible ink, like Victor Bronte in The Malevolent Mailbox.

Are you sure?

Only one way to find out - my Detecto-Spy lamp.

Lights off, please.

FERN READS LETTER

"Number One: Read..."

That one's easy.

"..Finally, Number Three:

"Look for opportunities to publish what you write.

"This can be especially dangerous,

"which is why you should never use your real name.

"Best of luck, Persimmony Glitchet."

If only I had more opportunities to publish.

Why not submit something to the Lakewood Elementary Reader?

-They're taking submissions for the next issue.

-Great idea!

I've got my pen name - Agatha Shelley!

Will it be an Essie Beauchamp detective story

like you did for Junior Detective Digest?

That was published under my real name.

This time I'm writing under the name of Agatha Shelley.

This story will be something no-one will recognize as mine.

BELL RINGS

I'm published!

Happy Happenings by Agatha Shelley.

So, have you read Happy Happenings by Agatha Shelley?

Was that the boring one?

Happy Happenings sounds interesting.

I read it. A shallow take on a shallow life.

Is that a page from Happy Happenings?

Yeah. I liked the happy ending,

but the happy beginning and the happy middle didn't work.

-Did you read Happy Happenings?

-No.

-Don't bother.

-You'll hate it.

-Why?

There's no mystery. Nothing scary happens.

Not all stories have to be scary or mysterious.

Yeah, but this is way too happy.

The main character is this girl, Felicity Bonchance.

"One day Felicity Bonchance was planting peonies

-"when she happened upon some buried treasure."

-Oh, goody!

Now I can buy candy and ice cream for everyone in the whole world!

But it gets worse,

she actually goes around passing out candy and ice cream

-to everyone in the whole world. Bleurgh!

-So what's wrong with that?

It's so boring. And nothing bad ever happens to her.

It was written by Agatha Shelley. I don't think she goes to our school.

Maybe Agatha Shelley isn't her real name. Maybe it's a pen name.

I wouldn't put my real name on this story, either.

"Dear Mr. Glitchet, I wrote a story and got it published.

"Thank goodness I took your advice and didn't use real name

"because everybody hated my story. Should I give up?

"What should I do? Yours truly, Fern.

"PS Is Persimmony Glitchet your real name?"

"Dear Fern, as to my real name, for your own protection

-"I cannot disclose that information.

-Indeed.

"When people criticize it helps me to imagine

"horrible things happening to them."

This story is sooo boring.

-BIRD SHRIEKS

-Aaaaauuuugh!

"After that, I take a walk,

"and ask myself if there is any truth to their criticism.

"Remember dreadful tip number two - write, but more importantly

"rewrite. Of course, you can also just quit, and I, for one,

"would not blame you. Only you can decide. Best of luck,

"Persimmony Glitchet."

Time for a rewrite!

"You might think that nothing bad could ever happen

"to a person as nice as Felicity Bonchance

"but you would be wrong."

Argh!

A Terrible Twist. I've got a second chance!

"Just when Felicity thought the treasure was hers..."

Argh!

-What are you reading?

-A Terrible Twist by Agatha Shelley.

That horrible writer?

She got better. In this, Felicity is like someone you'd write about.

You said she was way too happy.

This time she's smart and funny and brave.

Like her writing a letter in invisible ink?

Yeah, and when she disguised herself as a Gypsy...

..and smuggled the coins in a tambourine.

But you said you hadn't read it.

I, um, just heard about it.

The Dreary Delicatessen is finally here!

I can't wait to meet Persimmony Glitchet.

Don't count on it. He never shows up for these things.

Mr Glitchet, my name is...

I'm Mr Glitchet's chauffeur. Mr Glitchet cannot be here today.

I told you!

I much prefer an Agatha Christie mystery

to those Horrendously Horrible books.

Persimmony Glitchet is one of my favourite authors.

I hear he's extremely secretive.

-He writes letters in invisible ink.

-How do you know?

He wrote to me twice with advice on writing. I wanted to thank him.

Are you ready to go?

-May I see your copy of Number Fourteen?

-Um...sure.

What was that?

"Dear Fern, when you are a famous writer,

"I promise not to reveal your identity..."

It must be him!

# Every day when you're walking down the street

# Everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

# What a wonderful day! #