Fern and Persimmony Glitchet Arthur


Fern and Persimmony Glitchet

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# Every day you walk down the street Everybody that you meet

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# Has an original point of view

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day We can learn to work and play

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# And get along with each other

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# You gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

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# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open your eyes! Open your ears!

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# Get together, make things better By working together

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# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart

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# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

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-# We can learn to work and play And get along with each other.

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day, hey! What a wonderful kind of day, HEY! #

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-Hey, DW!

->

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Hey!

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Whoa!

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Oof!

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We all love the story of Cinderella.

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After this, you can weed the garden,

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clean the carpets and wash the windows.

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'But would we love it as much

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'if the wicked stepmother was a kind and caring person?'

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Never mind. I'll finish this up.

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Here, you'd better go change for the ball.

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Oh, thank you, kind stepmother!

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'And what if Jack didn't have to run from the giant?'

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Fee fi fo fum

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I like to share with everyone.

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Gee, thanks.

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Honk!

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'Imagine the story of Little Red Riding Hood

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'without the big, bad wolf.'

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Oh, Grandma, what strong arms you have.

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All the better to hug you with, my dear.

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So, how was your trip through the woods?

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It was perfectly boring.

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Yuck!

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Hey, you, narrator!

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If there's no big bad wolf in my story, then, what's the point?

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I've finished 13 in A Series Of Horrendously Horrible Happenings.

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-Me too.

-Don't you love the ending

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with the Bronte children dangling from a cable car over the Alps?

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But I want to know what happens next.

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How much longer before book 14 is out?

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Ten more weeks. The Horrendously Horrible books are popular.

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I remember how I liked the first one - The Calamitous Commencement -

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'when Duke Vladimir first kidnaps the Bronte orphans during his magic act.'

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THEY GASP

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And know, before your very eyes

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-I shall make them disappear.

-AUDIENCE GASP

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One!

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Two!

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Three!

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AUDIENCE: Ooh!

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The stage manager has informed me that it is time for her next act.

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Since the show must go on I'll be unable to make the children reappear

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during tonight's performance. Thank you and good night!

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What about book number ten - The Awful Aquarium?

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They find a happy home with Uncle Mac the ichthylogist.

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-'but then Duke Vladimir ruins everything.'

-Splork!

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Hand over your fortune or I will feed your sister to the sharks!

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EVIL LAUGHTER

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I wish I could write a book series someday.

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Why not send a letter to Persimmony Glitchet,

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and tell him his writing inspires you? There's an address in the book.

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"Due to the dangerous nature of his research,

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"Mr Glitchet is often on the run,

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"but you may write to his trusted chauffeur,

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"Max Wheeler, at this address."

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I wonder if he would write back?

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Are you kidding?

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Then why would he bother to give an address at all?

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"Dear Mr Glitchet,

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"I really like your Horrendously Horrible books.

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"I know you get lots of letters, so it's hard to answer all of them.

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"Other favourites are Mary Shelley and Agatha Christie but they're dead

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"so I can't write and expect an answer.

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"I'm writing because I hope to become a professional writer like you.

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"I would appreciate any advice that you have for me.

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"Sincerely, Fern Walters."

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Mr Glitchet, it's one of those dire emergencies.

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Thank you, Max.

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You don't expect an answer, do you? You've checked every day for weeks.

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"PG, in care of Max Wheeler."

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It's blank!

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I said he wouldn't write back.

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FRANCINE TUTS

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-Why would Persimmony Glitchet send a blank piece of paper?

-Well...

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A blank piece of paper means invisible ink!

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He used invisible ink, like Victor Bronte in The Malevolent Mailbox.

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Are you sure?

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Only one way to find out - my Detecto-Spy lamp.

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Lights off, please.

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FERN READS LETTER

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"Number One: Read..."

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That one's easy.

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"..Finally, Number Three:

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"Look for opportunities to publish what you write.

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"This can be especially dangerous,

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"which is why you should never use your real name.

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"Best of luck, Persimmony Glitchet."

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If only I had more opportunities to publish.

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Why not submit something to the Lakewood Elementary Reader?

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-They're taking submissions for the next issue.

-Great idea!

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I've got my pen name - Agatha Shelley!

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Will it be an Essie Beauchamp detective story

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like you did for Junior Detective Digest?

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That was published under my real name.

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This time I'm writing under the name of Agatha Shelley.

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This story will be something no-one will recognize as mine.

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BELL RINGS

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I'm published!

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Happy Happenings by Agatha Shelley.

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So, have you read Happy Happenings by Agatha Shelley?

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Was that the boring one?

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Happy Happenings sounds interesting.

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I read it. A shallow take on a shallow life.

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Is that a page from Happy Happenings?

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Yeah. I liked the happy ending,

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but the happy beginning and the happy middle didn't work.

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-Did you read Happy Happenings?

-No.

-Don't bother.

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-You'll hate it.

-Why?

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There's no mystery. Nothing scary happens.

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Not all stories have to be scary or mysterious.

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Yeah, but this is way too happy.

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The main character is this girl, Felicity Bonchance.

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"One day Felicity Bonchance was planting peonies

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-"when she happened upon some buried treasure."

-Oh, goody!

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Now I can buy candy and ice cream for everyone in the whole world!

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But it gets worse,

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she actually goes around passing out candy and ice cream

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-to everyone in the whole world. Bleurgh!

-So what's wrong with that?

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It's so boring. And nothing bad ever happens to her.

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It was written by Agatha Shelley. I don't think she goes to our school.

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Maybe Agatha Shelley isn't her real name. Maybe it's a pen name.

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I wouldn't put my real name on this story, either.

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"Dear Mr. Glitchet, I wrote a story and got it published.

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"Thank goodness I took your advice and didn't use real name

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"because everybody hated my story. Should I give up?

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"What should I do? Yours truly, Fern.

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"PS Is Persimmony Glitchet your real name?"

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"Dear Fern, as to my real name, for your own protection

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-"I cannot disclose that information.

-Indeed.

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"When people criticize it helps me to imagine

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"horrible things happening to them."

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This story is sooo boring.

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-BIRD SHRIEKS

-Aaaaauuuugh!

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"After that, I take a walk,

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"and ask myself if there is any truth to their criticism.

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"Remember dreadful tip number two - write, but more importantly

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"rewrite. Of course, you can also just quit, and I, for one,

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"would not blame you. Only you can decide. Best of luck,

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"Persimmony Glitchet."

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Time for a rewrite!

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"You might think that nothing bad could ever happen

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"to a person as nice as Felicity Bonchance

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"but you would be wrong."

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Argh!

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A Terrible Twist. I've got a second chance!

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"Just when Felicity thought the treasure was hers..."

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Argh!

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-What are you reading?

-A Terrible Twist by Agatha Shelley.

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That horrible writer?

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She got better. In this, Felicity is like someone you'd write about.

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You said she was way too happy.

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This time she's smart and funny and brave.

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Like her writing a letter in invisible ink?

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Yeah, and when she disguised herself as a Gypsy...

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..and smuggled the coins in a tambourine.

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But you said you hadn't read it.

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I, um, just heard about it.

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The Dreary Delicatessen is finally here!

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I can't wait to meet Persimmony Glitchet.

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Don't count on it. He never shows up for these things.

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Mr Glitchet, my name is...

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I'm Mr Glitchet's chauffeur. Mr Glitchet cannot be here today.

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I told you!

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I much prefer an Agatha Christie mystery

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to those Horrendously Horrible books.

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Persimmony Glitchet is one of my favourite authors.

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I hear he's extremely secretive.

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-He writes letters in invisible ink.

-How do you know?

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He wrote to me twice with advice on writing. I wanted to thank him.

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Are you ready to go?

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-May I see your copy of Number Fourteen?

-Um...sure.

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What was that?

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"Dear Fern, when you are a famous writer,

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"I promise not to reveal your identity..."

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It must be him!

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# Every day when you're walking down the street

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# Everybody that you meet

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# Has an original point of view

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful day! #

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