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# Every day when you're walking down the street
# Everybody that you meet
# Has an original point of view
-# And I say hey!
-What a wonderful kind of day
# If we could learn to work and play And get along with each other
# You've gotta listen to your heart
# Listen to the beat Listen to the rhythm of the street
# Open up your eyes, open up your ears
# Get together and make things better by working together
# It's a simple message And it comes from the heart
# Oh, believe in yourself For that's the place to start
-# And I say...
-What a wonderful kind of day
-# If we could learn to work and play And get along with each other...
-# What a wonderful kind of day!
-# A wonderful kind of day!
If I were to have my own personal Arthur Read Book Of World Records,
everything in it would be really cool.
Francine would be in there because...
she plays the drums louder than anyone.
'Buster tells more jokes than anyone.'
There was a cannibal who wouldn't eat clowns cos they tasted funny.
Brain has the record for saying things that I don't understand.
I protest. Your unqualified pronouncement
-is dealing with a segment of subjective reality.
DW holds the record for watching the most reruns of Mary Moo Cow.
Mom, Arthur's bothering me!
Arthur, come here for a moment. >
I also hold the world record
for getting Arthur into trouble the most times.
This is the book of incredible world records.
I think we could break a world record.
Wow! We'd go down in history.
-What kind of record are you suggesting?
-It could be anything.
The tallest man in the world.
-'He was eight feet, 11 inches.'
There's the record for the smallest person in the world.
Just put it down there, please, and keep your thumb out of the soup.
The guy with a beard over 17 feet long.
17 feet? Hmm...
A few years ago, a guy tried to walk backwards all around the world.
Thomas Edison has the record for the most inventions. Over 1,000.
Over 1,000? I won't break Edison's record sitting here. Better get busy.
Anyway, if we all work together,
we could break a world record.
I'm going to break a record on my own.
I want my name in that book, too. Just think of the fame and glamour.
I'm going to break the record for not talking.
For NOT talking? You?
I might talk a lot, but I can stop any time I want. Even long enough...
I always wanted a soccer record.
I'll kick the ball in the air the most times.
-I think it'd take me too long to grow the longest beard.
I could walk backwards.
See you. I'm going backwards.
This is going to be an easy record to break.
I'll have to break a record on my own.
Look, Pal. 79 cards down. Only 12,000 more to break the record.
That's Arthur Read. He made Arthur Heights,
the eighth wonder of the world.
DW, you're not allowed in my room. I'm doing something very important.
I don't want to go in your room. I have better things to do.
Nadine is setting the world record for hiccups. So there!
-Aren't you glad you don't have a brother?
If I keep kicking this ball, I could break a world record today.
You're good. You haven't talked in two hours. 111. 112.
-Hey, watch where you're going! I spoke!
-I have to start over.
-Sorry. I'm still getting used to the mirrors.
Is it OK to cross now?
What are you making?
I'm making the world's largest popsicle stick bridge. I feel sick.
I must have eaten 25 popsicles.
My mom once made a lampshade out of 400 popsicle sticks.
Must have a stomach made of steel.
-No, she bought her popsicle sticks.
-I ate those popsicles for nothing?
You could make the biggest popsicle stick bridge
-AND get the record for eating the most popsicles.
And for being the most sick.
-I'm just practising.
-Practising eating bugs?
Somebody ate 60 in under a minute.
Find some other records to break.
-It's really boring kicking a ball by myself.
-I can't give up talking.
I have too much to say.
Well, a guy had 100 bees in his mouth for ten seconds.
-Blew 90 bubbles with a tarantula in his mouth.
-Another guy got into a bathtub with 40 rattlesnakes.
-Aren't there glamorous records?
-A woman had fingernails 22 feet long.
That sounds interesting.
Mumsy, can you turn off my light?
Oh, never mind.
Fingernails grow at the rate of three inches a year.
It might take you 30 years.
It'd be fun with nail polish. But I can't wait that long.
Hey, here's a record. We could try and make the world's largest pizza.
-We could do it in a few days.
-Can I have a drink, too?
-You just don't want to share.
Mom! Arthur's trying to trick me into eating bugs!
It's an automatic, flying lawn sprinkler.
Sorry. I haven't worked out all the bugs yet.
It'll take 1,000 years to beat Edison's record.
We could make the world's largest pizza.
-We'd need your help.
-Cooking the world's largest pizza is a good idea.
500 pounds of flour, 100 pounds of cheese, 25 gallons of tomato sauce.
Muffy, you get donations. The ingredients are going to cost money.
-Right. I'll start with Dad.
-You two make the rack to cook the pizza on.
Francine, get permission to use the soccer field for cooking the pizza.
My dad will get barbecue coals. Buster, your mom's a reporter.
-Contact newspapers and TV stations.
My Muffin's making her mark,
constructing the world's largest pizza.
With all the ingredients we have, everything's ready to go tomorrow.
-It might go wrong.
Me and Nadine are breaking a record.
What kind of record?
I'm so proud of you. With each day, you're closer to breaking the record.
-My arms are going to fall off. I'm tired.
-We still have so much to do.
-I think this is impossible.
-We'll take a rest break.
But we're an hour behind schedule.
-Back in a little while.
-Buster should be here soon.
-He can take your place.
-I think I'll take five, too.
This is terrible.
We'll get into the Book of Records as the biggest flop in history.
Arthur Read! He was responsible for that giant pizza fiasco,
one of the most embarrassing moments in history.
-This is the dumbest idea I ever had. I should...
-Here comes Buster.
He's brought the whole town.
Francine and Muffy are back. Great.
The biggest pizza in the world
-is now ready to eat.
Thanks to you all, Elwood City has made the biggest pizza in the world.
How far do I have to walk to get the record?
I think it was 8,000 miles.
Oh. Well, I'm going to need lots of carbs.
-Oh, no! Did I just walk forward?
Oh, well, I guess I'll start over.
And how long is it to break the world hiccupping record?
A man had the hiccups for 60 years.
Nadine won't be happy to hear that.
People have always tried to conquer darkness.
Things got better as the years went along.
Torches were a little better.
But not as good as - behold - the gas lamp.
ALL GASP, WIND HOWLS
The gas lamp wasn't perfect, either.
-In the 19th century, along came Thomas Edison.
-I came up with this.
It may work.
-I knew this lamp would light. Needs a snappy name.
-The light bulb?
-No time to chat. Things to invent.
-The light bulb changed things.
Dark rooms could be lit.
Whole cities could be lit. No-one ever has to be afraid of the dark.
Right? Agh! Someone turn on the lights!
Today's question to consider - is there any credence to the expression,
-"Blind as a bat"? Arthur?
There has never been a recorded case of a bat that cannot see.
Thank you, Alan. As we continue with our cave study,
we will learn more about bats.
-Now, a reminder. Your cave replicas are due tomorrow.
Also, I have a special announcement.
At the end of the week we'll go on a field trip to Palisades Park
to explore the Clark Caves.
Yeah! All right!
I've never actually been spelunking.
I want to go lunking, too.
It sounds better than exploring some lame cave.
Spelunking means cave exploration. Should be an intriguing experience.
Yeuch! It sounds disgusting.
-It could be a little creepy. The bats...
Arthur, are you afraid of some little flying rodents?
Settle down. The more we study caves, the less frightening they will seem.
Do some additional reading for tonight.
Pages 156 to 175.
ALL GRUMBLE, BELL RINGS
Remember, class, I want to see your best work on the cave replicas.
A cave? It sounds a little creepy.
-That's what I said.
-Creepy? It's just a hole in a hill.
What are you, Arthur? A scaredy-cat?
Well, there are those bats.
-I don't like bats.
And big, hairy spiders.
-It could be scary.
-Arthur's scared of caves! Arthur's scared of caves!
Scaredy-cat! Scaredy-cat! You're...
Enough, DW! When I was a kid, I was scared of my grandparents' cellar.
'That was really creepy.'
'I had this trick.
'I'd whistle a familiar and comforting tune.
'It worked every time.'
-You never told me.
-Now I've nothing to fear. DW is protecting me.
-May I be excused? I have homework.
-Aren't you scared to walk up
those spooky stairs all alone?
DW, cut it out!
You are scared!
You are really, really scared!
No, I am really, really annoyed.
I'm a big, scary bat!
I'm going to get you! Woooo! I'm going to get you, Arthur Read!
-Admit it, Arthur. You're a scaredy-cat.
-Did "wittle" Arthur have a scary nightmare?
-Cut it out, Francine.
Class, let's see the cave replicas.
Oh, very realistic moss, Muffy.
Though the jacuzzi may be a bit much.
Mmm. Ingenious use of cheese spread.
Very nice, but I don't think there are usually chickens in caves.
Hmm. Very impressive.
To view my cave, we need to turn off the lights.
To get the full impact of the glow-in-the-dark stalactites
requires total darkness.
Cave formations consist of calcium carbonate deposits.
I designed these bats from pictures my dad took in the Carlsbad Caverns.
Disgusting! Bats give you rabies.
Not true. Most bats are harmless.
OK, let's get those lights back on.
Arthur... Don't worry, baby.
We'll turn on the lights real soon. LAUGHING
Ah... Francine, it's perfectly natural
if the thought of going into a cave is frightening.
-Help! Help! Arthur!
-Let me guess. You're supposed to be a bat, right?
Oh, stop faking it.
You're scared out of your underwear from all this caves and bats stuff.
-Good night, DW. Nice try.
We're going to get you! Wait up, Arthur!
Wait for us!
We're coming to get you!
-OK, stay calm. It's only DW and Francine.
Arthur's a scaredy-cat who's afraid of the dark.
You'll never get out of here!
We're going to get you!
-All hope is lost!
-I have to get out of here.
Arthur? Arthur? Arthur?
Time to get up. Today's your field trip.
We're about to go into a beautiful and very old cave.
We think it started forming
over ten million years ago. The cave is over five miles.
At its deepest, it's 1,500 feet down.
We are just visitors in this cave. The bats and fungi live there.
Take nothing but pictures.
OK, group A, come with me.
-So, you going to chicken out?
-No, I'm not.
There's some of our winged friends.
OK, let's explore.
-Creeped out yet?
-No, I'm fine.
-It's OK, Muffy.
We're going to walk single-file through a narrow tunnel.
Hold the person in front.
There's nothing to worry about. At the end of the tunnel
is an area we call Bat Basement.
This place could REALLY drive you batty.
-NERVOUS LAUGH <
-Look at all those bats!
-Agh! Oh, no, no, no!
Please, no screaming. You'll wake the bats.
FRANCINE AND RATBURN PANIC
Please, calm down. Take some deep breaths. Follow me out of the cave.
Can't we walk any faster?
It's so dark. And there were all these bats. Hundreds of them.
Bats are harmless. They don't touch humans.
Don't vampire ones suck animals' blood?
Well, yes. But these aren't vampire bats.
Maybe one of them is. How do you know?
I know. Trust me. Keep walking. We'll be out of here in no time.
Whenever I'm afraid, I whistle a familiar and comforting tune.
-I have an idea. Maybe it would be helpful if we whistled.
WHISTLING: "Row, Row, Row The Boat"
ALL JOIN IN
Pardon me for that upsetting and unexpected panic attack.
Thank you for helping us so calmly.
Arthur, your whistling really helped.
You were so scared, Francine.
You should have seen your face!
-You were a mess.
-I wasn't so scared.
Yeah, right(!) Check this out.
Watch out! A bat! Agh! Get it away!
I'm going to get you, Binky!
You'll be sorry you ever took those pictures! Stop it! You're history!
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