The Lousy Week/You Are Arthur Arthur


The Lousy Week/You Are Arthur

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# Every day when you're walkin' down the street, everybody that you meet

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# Has an original point of view

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day if you learn to work and play

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# And get along with each other

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# Gotta listen to your heart Listen to the beat

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# Listen to the rhythm of the street Open up your eyes, open up your ears

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# And make things better by working together

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# It's a simple message

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# And it comes from the heart

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# Believe in yourself for that's the place to start

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-# And I say, hey!

-Hey!

-What a wonderful kind of day

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-# We can learn to work and play, get along with each other!

-Hey!

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# What a wonderful kind of day! Hey! What a wonderful kind of day! HEY! #

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-Hey, DW!

-Hey!

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MILITARY DRUMBEAT Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

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Ah, finally, the summit!

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It's beautiful, sir!

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HE GASPS Is that a comb?!

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No, son, that's just a hair clip.

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No time for sightseeing! All right, you lousy bunch of bugs!

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I wanna see a nit on every single hair in a 10-inch radius! NOW!!

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-ALL: Hup, hup, hup...

-Hmm!

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Uh-hm. Yes...good job.

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Er, General, you've never actually SEEN a comb, have you?

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Yes, I've seen a comb, son.

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In fact...it took off my fifth leg.

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But I lived!

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And I'll keep on living until we've conquered every head in this city!

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We are lice, son, and nothing can ever get rid of us!

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NOTHING! HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

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Ughhh!

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-Hey!

-Oops!

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-Nice hair!

-Thanks.

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Not his, yours! I love those purple highlights!

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Urgh!

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Sorry!

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Francine, I'm open, I'm open!

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You said you were open! You could've scored!

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I'm sorry. It's this darn itchy head.

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-It's been bothering me all day.

-Go to the nurse. It may be head lice.

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-It starts out with an itchy head.

-I couldn't have lice!

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That's something dirty people get.

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That's not true. Look at Buster. He's never had head lice.

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You see, Suzette, my nanny, washes my hair every day.

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-It's impossible I would have...

-ANGRY RANTING

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-THAT was in my hair?!

-I'm afraid so.

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-Help! I'm covered in bugs!

-Actually, head lice only live on the head.

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If the other kids find out, I'll be treated like a leopard! OSTRAGISED!

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Muffy! I have your math homework!

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Promise you won't tell anyone! Please, please, please!

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Calm down, Muffy.

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If you follow my instructions, you'll get rid of the lice.

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-Hi.

-Francine, what are you doing here?!

-What did the nurse say?

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Do you have head lice?

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Me? Head lice? I don't have head lice.

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The nurse said I was just thinking too hard.

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Why are we here? What's the meaning of life?

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Which came first - the chicken or the egg?

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Hey, you dropped your hat!

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Ooh, so soft!

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Get ready! New head approaching!

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Head for the skull!

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-ALL: Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

-Contact!

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Mmmm!

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Bend your head. We 'ave to put ze Nit Hit Lice Shampoo on.

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This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me!

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Life is so unfair!

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Muffy dear, you're overreacting.

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-Even

-I

-had head lice when I was a child.

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Ah, yes, I remember it well.

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This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me!

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Life is so unfair!

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You'll have to stay home tomorrow and we'll get everything cleaned.

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All the sheets and towels, your clothes, even the carpet.

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Of course, we could use this as an opportunity to...redecorate!

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Yippeeee!

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Have you seen Muffy?

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I have her hat. No. Maybe she's off sick.

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Hey, that's pretty!

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Nice hat!

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Scrumptious! Oh, it feels so expensive!

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Ahem! I have an important announcement.

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Yesterday, a case of head lice was reported.

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You will all have your hair checked by me each morning.

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Oh, I knew it! Muffy DID have head lice!

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Also, do not wear anybody else's coats, scarves or hats.

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< We want to try and keep the head lice from spreading.

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ALL: Hup, hup, hup... Four days since we landed, sir.

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-We now have bugs on ten heads!

-Excellent!

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Soon the entire school will be at our feet!

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HE SNIFFS What's that smell, sir?

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Hair gel, son. Isn't it wonderful?

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Ahh, I love the smell of hair gel in the morning!

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-It's smells like a...

-AHHHHH!

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General, what's happening?! Help, help!

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HELP! HE-E-E-LP!

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-Sorry, Nigel.

-I knew I should've gone to business school.

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ALL: Hup, hup...

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-This'll do the trick.

-You're gonna put mayonnaise on my head?!

-Sure.

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It's what your grandma used on me when I was a kid.

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Ha ha! Ha ha! Mayo head! Mayo head!

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-Cut it out!

-Daddy, now put cheese and tomatoes on Arthur's head!

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Laugh it up, DW. You won't find it funny in a minute.

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-You're next!

-Me?

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-Why me? I don't have head mice.

-They're called head LICE.

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We all might have them.

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I'm sorry, DW.

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There may be lice in their fur. It's only for a few weeks.

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Weeks? Wait! There.

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So the animals can breathe.

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Goodbye, Poopoos. Goodbye, MooMoo. Goodbye, Tookey.

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I'll never forget any of you!

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Cut it out, boy!

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Dad, Pal's trying to eat my head!

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SIGHS I can't wait for this to be over!

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SQUELCH!

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ALL: Hup, hup...

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CROWD CHEERING Let me get this straight.

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-I get to watch TV for hours instead of doing homework?

-That's right.

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You've got a ton of nits - they're hard to get out.

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This is so cool! I love lice!

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-I'm clean! I'm clean!

-Oufff!

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-Oops! Sorry, Francine.

-You should be!

-It was just an accident!

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-I didn't mean to knock you down.

-No! For giving me lice!

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-I can't get rid of them!

-You must be doing SOMETHING wrong.

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Yeah, talking to YOU! You started this whole thing!

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-You probably have a million lice by now!

-For your information,

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I am nit-free - so hah!

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You're doing it wrong! I wanted the Big Dipper above my bed!

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HE SIGHS

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Ohh, un pou!

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-Gesundheit!

-Non, ma fille, ze lice, zey are back!

-But...

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But that's impossible!

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'This cigar box you were going to throw out

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'is actually worth 37!

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'37 dollars?!

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'Oh, well, bless my toes!'

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I can't take it any more!

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Five straight nights of mindless television! Can I go to bed, Mom?

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-Not yet, honey.

-Ohhhhhh!

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Now we're using olive oil.

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-It works and Pal doesn't eat it.

-I hope it works.

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I wonder why I haven't gotten lice. Everybody else has them.

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This place is disgusting!

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Urghhhh! Let's go back to the teacher's head!

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I didn't give you lice! You gave me lice!

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-You gave them back to me!

-Prove it!

-Prove you DIDN'T!

-Calm down, guys.

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I've done research on head lice and you can't tell who gave it to whom.

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Stop blaming each other.

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But I did read that lice are harder to get rid of if you have long hair.

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They said we were going to look like models.

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We do. BOY models! Hmm!

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We can do some pretty fun things with this haircut!

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Hey, any nits?

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Nope. I never thought I'd say this, but it's good to be back in school!

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-You said it!

-Hey, you can't...

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You're in the... Ahhhhhh!

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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! THEY BOTH LAUGH

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Two weeks since our forces landed

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and now I'm the last louse alive.

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The school has defeated us.

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The bunny!

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If I can just get to his head, I can hatch a new army!

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-I will survive!

-Hey, George. Gonna get your head checked?

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-Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

-SPLAT!

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-Help me! Help me...

-SQUISH!

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Treasure Island - one of my favourite books.

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I imagine I'm a pirate

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like Long John Silver!

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Avast! There's the X! Dig up the buried treasure, lad!

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Human treasure, lad, not dog treasure!

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Keep digging!

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Hey, you can stop digging now.

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Imagining is one of the things I love about reading.

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What would it be like if I could BE someone else...like Mr Ratburn?

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Good morning, class! Let's start the day with a little math quiz.

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CLASS: Awwww!

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'Hmm. That wasn't a very big groan. Maybe I'm getting too soft on them.'

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On second thoughts, let's start the day with a BIG math test!

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CLASS: AWWWWWWWWWWW!

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'Ahh, that's more like it!'

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Hey, I have an idea!

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You imagine what it's like to be me for a day

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and I'll imagine what it's like to be YOU.

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OK, ready?

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You are becoming me!

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You are becoming me... you are becoming me...

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ARTHUR YAWNS

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10 toes...10 fingers. Yep, I'm all here.

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HE YAWNS

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Ouff!

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-Good morning, Arthur.

-Stop talking to yourself!

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Do you have any idea what time it is?

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-It's only 7.30.

-Oh, so that's what it says.

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-Better get moving or you'll be late for training!

-Training? For what?

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PAL WHINES

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Oh, the 3K race!

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It's today! Oh, no, I completely forgot I signed up for it!

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Care to enter the library's 3K race?

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-To raise money for a new children's reading room.

-Gee, I don't know.

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-How far is 3 kilometres?

-It's exactly 1.86 miles.

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In school we only run half a mile. It might be too long for YOU.

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-So why are YOU signing up?

-My dad and I run a lot.

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3 kilometres will be a snap for me.

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'Huh! Too long for me? We'll see about that!'

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Ahem! 3K, huh? No sweat!

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'1.86 miles. That really seems like a lot NOW.

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'I'd like to show the Brain I can run as far as he can.

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'I guess a little training couldn't hurt.'

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Ouch! Ouch! Hey! Ow!

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Ow! You're hurting me!

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It's for your own good.

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-You should stretch before your trainers get here.

-Trainers?

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-I thought YOU were my trainer.

-Hi!

-Ready for your workout?

-Oh, no!

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Trust me. If you can survive an hour with them, the race will be a snap!

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Ohhh!

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ARTHUR PANTS/ LAUGHTER

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-I've got you now!

-That was close!

-Not close enough!

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No-o-o-o!

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18...19...20...20...20...

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-You already said 20!

-I don't know what comes after 20.

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-Timmy, I bet I can spin the rope faster than you!

-Cannot!

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-Can, too!

-Cannot!

-Can, too!

-Cannot!

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Guys, slow down! It's too fast! I can't keep up! Stop!

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Ahhhhhhhh!

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Arthur...never stay "stop" when you're jumping rope!

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Ohhhhhhhhhhh!

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OK, run to that tree.

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And back!

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ARTHUR PANTS

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Now to the sand box.

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Pick up the purple dinosaur!

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Now bring it back. Quick!

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ARTHUR PANTS

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-Thanks!

-THEY BOTH LAUGH

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Hey! They stole my dinosaur!

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-Arthur wants some more pancakes, Dad.

-I do?!

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You need lots of crabs so you'll have energy for the race.

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Carbs, DW. It's short of carbohydrates.

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Trust me, Arthur.

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-ARTHUR GROANS

-I ate too much!

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Mom, could you slow down? I feel a little car sick.

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Arthur, if you feel nauseous you don't have to run.

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'I could just skip the race.

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'What if the library can't raise the money for the reading room?'

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-Isn't it wonderful?

-It is!

-KNOCK AT DOOR

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I'm foreman of the building crew.

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You were 5 short

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so we left out some features - like doors and windows.

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Wait! Don't go! I have 5 right here!

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Throw in another 10 and we'll give you a roof, too!

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We're doomed!

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It's all because Arthur signed up for the race but didn't run!

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No, I should run. I feel OK.

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I know what you need. Let's see. I had it just last week.

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-Something to settle your stomach.

-Ughhh!

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Mom, pull over! Quick!

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Hi, Arthur. You don't look quite yourself today.

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I was car sick on the ride over, but now I feel fine.

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No, that's not it.

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Is there someone inside your head

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-watching everything you do on a TV set?

-Cut it out!

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-Hey, Arthur!

-Whoa!

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Oh, these are my new Condor-86X slow-risers with pump action.

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-They inflate when I clap my hands.

-CLAPS

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And give me an extra spring to my step.

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These are my...lucky sneakers! I wear them for all my races!

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Don't push yourself too hard.

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Remember, Arthur, WALKING across the finish line still counts.

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'Yeah, but finishing before YOU would be a lot of fun!'

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On your mark...

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Wait! Isn't the Elwood City Times covering the race?

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I wanna look my best!

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Ahem!

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-On your mark...get set...

-FIRES PISTOL

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-Oh, no!

-CROWD SHOUTS ENCOURAGEMENT

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Hi, Grandma!

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-Hi...Brain.

-Huh?!

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-How did you...?

-Sorry, can't talk now. Gotta run!

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'Heh heh heh! Actually, this isn't so bad. I don't feel tired at all!

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'Hey, I might even win this race!'

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CROWD CHEERS

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Congratulations, Arthur.

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Yours was the fastest time in Elwood City history!

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We're naming the new reading room the Read Reading Room after YOU.

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You ran a great race! You should be very proud of yourself!

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You're doing really well. We should run together some day.

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-OK.

-But not today!

-HE CLAPS

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-Over here! Try to get my good side!

-Muffy, watch out! There's a...

-Ow!

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CROWD GASPS

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Ahhhhh!

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-Muffy, are you all right?

-No, I'm not all right!

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My new outfit is ruined!

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I'll never catch up with the Brain now!

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Oh, well, there'll be other races.

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ARTHUR PANTS

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CROWD CHEERS

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DW: come on, Arthur! Just a few more steps! You can do it!

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CHEERING

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DAD: Yey hey-hey!

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Way to go! That's my boy!

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Thanks.

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Don't drink too much - you don't wanna practise on a full stomach.

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-Practise? For what?

-The marathon!

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It can't be much longer than THIS race.

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Maybe it's 10Ks or 4Ls or a Q.

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-We'll ask Tommy and Timmy this afternoon.

-Oh, brother!

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Check it out! I'm famous! That's better than winning the race!

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Well, I hope you enjoyed being me for a day. I liked being YOU.

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But next time, let's switch - you run the race

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and I'll watch me on TV!

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# And I say, hey, what a wonderful kind of day

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# If you can learn to work and play and get along with each other

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# Gotta listen to your heart, listen to the beat

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# Listen to the rhythm - the rhythm of the street

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# It's a simple message and it comes from the heart

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# Believe in yourself for that's the place to start

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# And I say, hey, what a wonderful kind of day

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# If you can learn to work and play

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# And get along with each other #

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Subtitles by Pam Atkinson, TFL Ltd, for BBC Subtitling - 2001

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