Never Say Clever Again Danger Mouse

# He's the greatest He's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

# He's the ace He's amazing

# He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mo-o-o-use! #

As we open this week's episode,

all the world's leaders languish in a lunar prison.

What evil circumstances could have brought this about?

I have no idea.

Honestly, I went to the loo for five minutes -

I come back and there's THIS mess.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, the disappearance of their

political masters has sent the people

into a frenzy of panic and confusion.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

A frenzy of panic and confusion.

SCREAMING Thank you.

But who could be behind a scheme of such cunning?

Such boldness?

Oh, well, yes, him - that figures.

Now that I am ze unrivalled supreme leader of the world,

all that remains...

is for me to lounge around all day, eating chocolate.

VEHICLE BEEPS

'This throne is reversing. This throne is reversing.'

I really should have ordered the throne

with the escalator for the extra £12.

Luckily for mankind, on the moon, all is not as it seems.

Yes, it's me, Danger Mouse.

Pleased to BEAT you.

THEY CHEER

HE GASPS

ALARM BLARES

HE GASPS

MACHINES WHIR

This way.

Ooh, heck.

Hurry, chief, we don't want to get a ticket...

or be blasted to smithereens.

Your stop, Mr President.

Your Eminence, I'll text you that cookie recipe.

A pleasure rescuing you, Madam Prime Minister.

STILETTO GRUNTS

Incoming!

Eh?

HE SCREAMS

Oof!

Ooh! Curse you, Danger Mouse.

HE GRUNTS

Now, look here, danger agents,

Baron Greenback's latest plan

came within a well-groomed whisker of working

and, apart from Danger Mouse, not one of you saw it coming.

We can't all be supersmart, I suppose.

Fortunately, Professor Squawkencluck has invented

a way to make you all supersmart.

Oh.

By harnessing the brain DNA of the world's smartest scientists,

I have produced it a powerful intelligence-boosting

supplement, which I call...

..smart celery.

"Smart" because it makes you smarter,

and "celery", well...

for obvious reasons.

Mark my words - now we have this have this new smart celery,

the Baron won't know what hit him.

Oh, won't I, Colonel?

Project Stupid is coming together nicely.

-I don't like it, Penfold.

-Me, too, Chief -

tastes horrible and gets stuck in your teeth,

but if it makes you supersmart, like the professor said...

Thanks, Penfold, but I'll rely on good, old-fashioned training

and natural awesomeness.

CRUNCH!

Smart celery?

Ha! I've never heard of anything so...

I know origami.

..stupid.

"6 x 12 = 72. The Boxer Rebellion was not about angry dogs.

"The Great Fire Of London was not really great.

"Cricket is not played with actual crickets."

Good grief, Penfold. Are you all right?

Crumbs...!

are small particles of bread.

Here...it's my contention that this smart celery is

having a demonstrably beneficial effect on my cognition.

Don't worry, I haven't got a clue what he's talking about, either.

Something's happened, DM.

You can say that again, Colonel.

Something's happened, DM.

That joke has been done 3,467,000 times since the dawn of television.

-What's that?

-Nothing, Colonel, we're on our way.

THIS is more like it -

a full-on action sequence with pumping rock soundtrack.

Come on, brainbox.

Time to stop these aliens

with a little Danger Mouse-style karat...eh?

No need, colleague, I noticed the 1% shift in the orbit of Saturn,

which suggests the approach of a hostile alien craft.

And it wasn't down to the eccentricities

of gravitational perturbations either, let me tell you.

Huh?

-And just like that...

-Phooey!

-..the newly-supersmart

danger agents are thwarting the world's villains

before you can say, "Cerebellum-boosting celery."

Thanks to smart celery, we've got everything under control.

Why don't you take some time off?

Go and visit the celery fields of Holland -

I hear they're quite remarkable.

-Bite?

-No, thanks, I'm good.

CRUNCH!

It's "I'm fine," not, "I'm good."

We're not in Connecticut.

Now for phase two of Project Stupid.

-ALARM BLARES

-Oh.

Inventing cold fusion and providing the Earth

with limitless energy will have to wait, because that ping...

Indicates an minuscule increase in seismic activity.

Combined with the slight rise in the price of rocket fuel, that means...

Baron Greenback is planning to re-kidnap the world leaders and...

Put them on his moon prison...

Re-crowning himself ruler of the world...

-ALL:

-Again!

Go, danger geeks.

Hey, boss, they've-a got us surrounded.

Yes, but I know something they don't about...

smart celery.

Apprehend that villainous...

CUCKOO!

Villain...?

That word sounds funny.

Here, whath that thing there?

That celery isn't as smart as they think.

In fact, it's about to make them very...

CUCKOO!

..very...

HE GIGGLES

..very...

I can't swim! I can't swim!

-..very...

-What?!

-..stupid!

I only asked.

No, Stiletto, look.

I'm a wizard.

Put one down, you horrible man.

Stop!

HE GASPS

-Happy birthday, Your Majesty.

-HE GIGGLES

With the danger agents' brains

reduced to the size of peanuts,

where is Danger Mouse

in the Earth's hour of need?

HE GRUNTS

Thanks, chaps,

but this extreme sport

still isn't extreme enough for me.

Yes, DM? Come on, I haven't got all custard.

Erm, you called me, Colonel.

Penfold, you do the talkie... Need tea.

Cheese? Ow!

They've turned you into a wall.

Good grief, Penfold, what's happened to you?

I'll be right there.

Ow!

Sabotage?

Nonsense, Danger Mouse.

The only way to do that would be to tamper with my genius DNA.

But that would take a brain of such half-witted,

empty-headed stupidity.

Hm.

SHE GASPS

Erm...science, numbers,

clever words.

Odd - even Pandaminion isn't dumb enough.

Da-da da-da-da!

No, but HE is.

Nero's DNA must have polluted the gene pool.

Oh, a sausage!

NERO BARKS AND SQUEAKS

Come on, we've got a devious toad to catch.

NERO LAUGHS

Once we have imprisoned the leaders of the world on the moon,

-I

-can return to Earth as supreme ruler

and eat chocolate all day long,

even after I've brushed my teeth.

HE YELPS

Three second rule! Three second rule!

Right, Penfold, all you have to do is keep her steady.

Who said that?

It's me, Danger Mouse.

I'm making the spacewalk across to the Baron's ship.

Now hold her steady.

Evasive manoeuvres!

Stay with her, Penfold.

Go right, Penfold. Go right.

Got you, Chief!

Not YOU - the ship.

Oh, good grief.

I've got to hand it to you, Baron,

you outsmarted us all this time.

(Mind you, that's not saying much.)

But of course. Project Stupid was a stroke of genius,

and now I shall return to Earth

to begin my reign of terror...!

and snacking.

Well, enjoy your trip(!)

Mmm.

Give that to me!

The problem with you, Danger Mouse,

is that you don't know when you're beetroot.

-CUCKOO!

-I mean when you're Battenberg.

Bossa nova! Backgammon!

Chocolate-covered celery?

Baron, perhaps you'd like to let us out now.

I'm a ballerina.

Thank you, Baron.

Me think me open a window.

-AIRLOCK WHOOSHES ALL:

-No-o-o!

-HE GASPS

-Penfold?!

It's all right, Chief - this is normal, non-smart celery...

-GULP!

-..and it IS 'orrible.

And so, thanks to our moderately-intelligent

danger agents, the world is safe.

Ooh, someone's left chocolate.

Don't mind if I do.

Mm! Tune in next week, when...

Dreary Moose and Pain Foal tumble-dry their faces.

What does that word say? Wait a minute, what is this place?

Is this a big, furry biscuit?

HE CHOMPS, MIC SCREECHES

# He's the greatest He's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger

# He'll be there

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mo-o-o-use! #