From Duck to Dawn Danger Mouse


From Duck to Dawn

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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# He's the ace, he's amazing

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# He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Transylvania -

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in reality, a modern province of Romania,

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but thanks to lazy writing in this show,

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a terrifying place, populated by hunchbacked peasants and monsters.

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MONSTER ROARS

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PEASANT CRIES

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And driving through this sinister landscape is the world's top

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secret agent, Danger Mouse, and his fearless sidekick, Penfold.

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I can't look, I can't look!

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Didn't you hear the man, Penfold? Fearless.

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-We're on a mission, Penfold, we need to focus.

-On what?

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On not driving through this road barrier for a start.

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BOTH SCREAM

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Could this be the end

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for Danger Mouse and Penfold? Is it curtains?

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Oh, who am I kidding?

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The show's only just started, for heaven's sake.

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You need to work on your parking, chief!

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Hmm, I don't like it, Penfold. This place is quiet, too quiet.

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-BEEP!

-Hi!

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BEEP!

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Here's a plan. I'll stay in the car while you go and investigate.

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Colonel K wants us to find out why all the locals are going missing.

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Eek!

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No need to be scared, seems like a perfectly nice hamlet,

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with an inn called The Slaughtered Llama(!)

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PENFOLD WHIMPERS

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Hello, citizens of Transylvania. My name's Danger Mouse. And...

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There must be something good on.

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UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

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That's strange.

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No time for that. Come on, there's nothing happening here.

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CREAKING

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Um, apart from this chap turning into a stick of broccoli.

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GRUNTING

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QUACKING

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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QUACKING CONTINUES

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QUACK!

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BANGING

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QUACK!

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Did you see that potato, chief? Just imagine the size of the chips(!)

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I'm more interested in finding out what's going on.

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I'll wager it has something to do with that...

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THUNDERCLAPS

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I just saw that place on TV.

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-I know.

-And we're driving towards it.

-Exactly.

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Yay(!)

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Oh, 'eck, this is just like one of those horror films with scary music.

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Creaking doors that open by themselves.

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THUNDERCLAP

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And vampires standing at the top of the big staircases. Oh, crumbs!

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Yes, it's that time again.

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Coming live from Haunted Horror Castle, heeeeere's

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Count Duckula!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERS

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Shimmy, shake your hips. Two, seven, twelve. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you, really. You shouldn't, but please do.

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CANNED LAUGHTER

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Welcome to Count Duckula Tonight with your host, me,

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-Count Duckula.

-APPLAUSE

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Are we on telly?

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You're only on the top-rated talk show in South East Transylvania.

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That's right. I broadcast 24 hours a day, every day,

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and I'm not remotely crazy from lack of sleep.

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HE SNORES

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Dance time!

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# He's a vegetarian

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# Transyl-va-va-vanian

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# Entertain-ian

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# Vampire duck. #

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CHEERING

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Um, yes, it's nice to meet you, Count Duckula.

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Yes, it is. Yes, it is.

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You must be so excited. Do you want my autograph?

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How about a T-shirt for your son?

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What's your name, kid?

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Erm...

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Oh, let me tell you, it's not easy to be so famous.

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-I know what you mean.

-You do?

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Absolutely!

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As the greatest secret agent in the world, I'm famous everywhere.

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In Belgium, they carved a 20 foot statue of me out of chocolate.

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Belgium?

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In Abu Dhabi, they're making an island in the shape of my head.

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Oh, OK. My producer, who's me, is telling me that we're out of time.

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And by we, I mean you, so, adios, bigmouth.

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HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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Cor, that was close.

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WHIRRING

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Look out, Penfold!

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Let me know when it's over!

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I think there might have been a bit of a misunderstanding.

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Oh, there's no misunderstanding.

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I was happy being the biggest TV star in Transylvania,

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but, thanks to you, now I need to be the biggest star in the world.

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Look, we're just here to investigate reports of people going missing

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and turning into vegetables.

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Oh, you mean my fans?

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QUACK!

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Yes, the vampiric vegetising effect of my broadcasts

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assures me a captive audience,

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Not to mention healthy snacks. Thank you, Doris.

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Oh, I feel slimmer already!

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You fiend! Also, eugh!

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Look out, chief!

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Crumbs! Hypnotic eyes, that's what he's broadcasting.

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Don't look into his eyes, like I'm doing right now!

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You'll turn into...

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HE MUMBLES GIBBERISH

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Penfold! Nooooo!

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Now then, Penfold, give me the keys to the Danger Car.

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Yes, master.

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All right, cage, prepare to meet mouse muscles.

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HE PANTS

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OK, cage, no more Mr Nice Mouse.

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Let's see how you do against laser shoelace whips.

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This is no time for rhythmic gymnastics, DM.

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We've got an emergency.

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We interrupt this broadcast to tell you that,

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thanks to Danger Mouse, Count Duckula TV is now worldwide.

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Yes, from Berlin to Bogota, from North Korea to Willesden Green,

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the effects of Duckula's vegetising TV show are in full effect.

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Behold, an actual couch potato.

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Will Duckula make vegetables of us all?

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Can Danger Mouse stop him?

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And is there a way to make twirling laser shoelaces look less silly?

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Doesn't look like it, does it?

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A-hem!

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Penfold!

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Dear broccoli Penfold, it wasn't meant to end like this,

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you rich in vitamin C, poor in basic intellect.

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QUACK! QUACK!

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Ah, it's you.

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QUACK!

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QUACK!

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QUACK!

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Asparagus spear!

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Hee, hee, hee!

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Crumbs, chief. What happened?

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I found the off button,

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and I've never been more happy to see a room full of ugly,

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smelly, dim-witted Transylvanian peasants in all my life!

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You're welcome, everyone.

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Whoopsie!

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PIANO CHASE MUSIC

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DISCORDANT MUSIC

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What is that hideous noise?

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It sounds like someone's torturing a raccoon.

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DISCORDANT MUSIC CONTINUES

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Thank you, world.

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That was a little tune called Duckula Rules, Danger Mouse Drools.

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Look, chief!

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He's using the Danger Car's revolutionary fusion reactor as

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a giant booster battery to broadcast his TV shows around the world.

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What fool gave him our car keys?

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Erm... Well, I was sort of hypnotised.

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Luckily for the world, I don't watch trashy TV.

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Mind you, I do love street dance talent shows.

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Yo! Count Duckula is in da castle!

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Sho nuff!

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He's certainly is fly, and he has mad sk...

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Chief? Noooooooo!

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MOB: Get him!

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Hey, hey! This is my show. Me! My show.

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HE GASPS

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They won't throw him off the roof, this is a kids' show.

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-DANGER MOUSE SCREAMS

-Chief!

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PENFOLD CRIES UNCONTROLLABLY

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WHIRRING

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-Chief!

-Bad news, Duckula.

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Your show's been axed.

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Ha!

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You may have defeated me this time, Danger Mouse.

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-But you've taught me something about TV too.

-And what's that?

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You can always reboot your show and start again.

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You've not seen the last of Count Duckula!

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CRASH!

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THEY CHUCKLE

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger

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# He'll be there

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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