Frankensquawk's Monster Danger Mouse

Chief!

# He's the greatest

# He's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

# He's the ace, he's amazing

# He's the strongest he's the quickest, he's the best

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse. #

Night, and our hero faces that most terrifying of creatures,

more deadly than the fearsome werewolf.

Behold!

The werehouse.

Your battle banter needs work. How about, "Hi, honey, I'm a home"?

HOUSE GROWLS

Prepare for demolition.

WEAPON DOESN'T RESPOND Hmm.

HOUSE GROWLS

End programme.

That gadget of yours was a bit disappointing, Professor.

If I'd wanted you to throw something at the window,

I'd have given you a brick. Reset programme. Begin.

-Behold, the were...

-Blah, blah, blah.

-Honey, I'm a home.

-Genius.

It happened again, didn't it?

When will I be free of this terrible curse?

It's just a training routine, don't build up your part. End programme.

And that's how you use a synaptic devolver.

Professor, your mum's at the door.

My mum? What's she doing here?

You've got a mother? I assumed you were grown in a lab.

I've got to see this.

Danger Mouse, come back.

-Ah, Pinhead.

-Penfold!

Well, if you say so. There's a huge rubbish monster loose in London.

-It's absorbing all the trash.

-I'll call Danger Mouse.

-Why?

It's doing a wonderful job.

I just called to tell you to put the bins out.

Danger Mouse...

FLIES BUZZ

Ee! Pfft!

I'd be very grateful if you'd listen for just a second.

My mother is one of the two greatest scientists in the world.

HE GRUMBLES

Since you ask, the other is my dad, inventor of the Swiss Army sock.

Now my left sock is currently on the helicopter-rotor tool

and if I press this dot,

it activates the instant-bonfire tool.

Ow, ow! Inside out!

I'd appreciate it if, while my mum's here,

you didn't embarrass me by cracking silly jokes, breaking my stuff

or generally behaving like a caveman with a badge. OK?

Thank you so much.

Hi, Mum, welcome to my lab. I've been wanting to show you around...

Hi, hi, sorry to call round like this,

-I was hoping to meet Danger Mouse.

-Yeah?

Mum?

He's quite dashing, isn't he?

Yes, well, actually, I actually invented the drop cable.

MONSTER GROWLS

Sorry to interrupt, but this thing means business.

To the car.

Shouldn't we be finding out where this monster came from,

not just running away from it?

Shush, dear, Danger Mouse has to concentrate.

Thanks, Mrs S. May I call you Mrs S?

Erm, chief,

why don't you try battling the monster with some of the Professor's

amazing gadgets?

You know, in front of her mum?

Because they're normally overcomplicated

and get broken easily.

-Ugh...

-Oh, I see,

Right, watch this, Mrs S.

Your daughter's liquefying rockets are about to save the day.

Eh?

Ah! To fire forwards, you push the lever forwards.

To fire backwards, you pull the lever backwards.

Did you have to make the system so complicated?

-You have to remember, he's not as clever as us.

-Exactly.

PENFOLD COUGHS

Something stinks.

Of course! It's a build-up of methane gas from the trash.

-Out of the way, Mouse.

-I didn't even know it did that.

Of course you wouldn't, it's in the instructions.

Watch this, Mum, pure science.

Massive methane monster plus spark equals...

-Activate danger pogo.

-No!

Just another day at the office.

Professor, what were you doing?

-You could have hurt him.

-Your mum calls you Professor?

-It's my name.

So you're Professor Professor Squawkencluck?

Get over it. Hang on, why were you worried I'd hurt him?

Yeah, that was silly of me,

you can't destroy a DNA-level genetic monster with a spark.

You seem to know a lot about it.

-Mum, where's Dad?

-Professor, you know how messy he can be.

So I thought, why not change his DNA so he takes his mess with him?

Dad?

No time for family reunions, he looks hungry.

I can see the resemblance, by the way.

-What's he looking for?

-Me. He thinks I can turn him back.

But I don't know how.

Well, he'll never find the car amongst all these others.

Ah...

You came to visit so Danger Mouse would protect you.

You weren't there to see me at all.

Well, at least I didn't blow up your father.

-Families, they're all the same.

-So, come on, let's turn him back.

-I told you, I don't know how.

-I was talking to Professor Professor.

-She knows how.

-I do?

-Your werewolf weapon.

I mean, what is your dad if he's not a were-rubish-heap?

The synaptic devolver...

was destroyed along with HQ.

Oh, we could use my lab to make another.

Right, you go and make a snow-ape-trick revolver,

Penfold and I will stall Mr Squawkenmonster.

Eek!

Don't worry, Penfold, I've got everything

we need to distract it apart from one small thing.

-What's that?

-A plan.

I like what you've done with the living room.

Well, we like it to feel homely.

SCREAMING

-We need to work fast.

-Just tell me what to do.

Brilliant, dear, all we need now is months of testing and peer review.

MONSTER APPROACHES

You're home early.

-We threw everything we had at him.

-And it's just made him bigger!

Danger Mouse, quick, you've got to get into the monster's stomach.

Piece of cake, Professor.

If you breathe in the pure methane stomach gas, you'll explode.

OK, so a massively deadly piece of cake.

I'll have a slice of that.

Over here.

ROMANTIC PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

Now.

Remember, keep the gas mask on.

Come on, Danger Mouse.

-SYNAPTIC DEVOLVER BEEPS

-Oo?

Some of it went in my mouth!

HE BREATHES DEEPLY

You did it!

But where's, er...?

-Dad.

-Professor, what a lovely surprise.

There you are, I've been looking for you.

Oh, I'll never try and change you again.

Although it did occur to me that if I made you

-and your mess invisible...

-Fascinating,

do you think a chameleon gene introduced via...

Mum, Dad...

THEY LAUGH

Come on, let's all go for lunch and discuss quantum realities

just like you we did when you were a baby.

You go ahead without us but, before you do,

I took the liberty of taking this during the battle.

Eye patch, print photo.

A monster of a family photo, chief.

-It's a matter of urgency, DM.

-Of course, sir. What's the mission?

Clean up the mess.

-PENFOLD:

-No!

And so our adventure comes to an end but what have we learned?

You can choose your friends but you can't choose your monsters?

Charity begins in the lab?

Families are all relative?

Or, more likely, have we learned nothing at all?

# He's the greatest

# He's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse. #