Planet of the Toilets Danger Mouse


Planet of the Toilets

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# He's the greatest He's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

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# He's the ace The ace!

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# He's amazing Amazing!

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# He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Tokyo, city of the future.

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Hang on, that can't be right.

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CASH REGISTERS RING

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Apologies. The animator who drew that scene has been sacked.

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Ahem.

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Tokyo, city of the future.

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And speeding through the streets with style,

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grace and scant regard for local traffic laws is Danger Mouse.

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Ahhh!

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HORNS BEEP

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Our hero is on his way to the Annual Conference Of Genius Inventors.

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An elite hi-tech gathering of all that bleeps,

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flashes and, occasionally, explodes.

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DOG BARKS

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20 years of my life ruined!

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You think you're having a bad day!

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On board, the most brilliant mind of our time.

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PENFOLD SLURPS

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Cor, the ground is moving!

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Well, obviously, I didn't mean Penfold!

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I meant Professor Squawkencluck, with her latest invention.

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An artificial intelligence quantum computer chip

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so powerful it can bring any machine to life.

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It's not much to look at, is it?

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It may be small, but it's immensely powerful.

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Often said about yours truly.

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In your dreams.

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Anyway, if it falls into the wrong hands,

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it'll be curtains for the world as we know it.

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Danger Mouse?

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Hmm.

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Do you really think pork noodles want to steal my chip, Danger Mouse?

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In my experience,

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danger lurks in the most unexpected places, Professor.

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Aha! Hand over the chip!

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Oh, they've gone.

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Keeping on your toes, eh, Penfold?

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That's the spirit.

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No, I'm just... You know...

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London to Tokyo is a long wait without a pit stop, Chief.

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Hmm. Ah, gentleman's is over there.

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First on the right.

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'Scuse me! Coming through.

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Thank you. 'Scuse me!

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Aha!

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-Ah!

-Hans!

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How's the world of gene splicing going?

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Look after this, Penfold.

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I want to get a picture before he eats himself.

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But I was just...

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Welcome to a new era in bladder relief.

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Wha..?

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My name is John, and I will be your toilet for today.

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Would you care for a super poo puzzle?

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Oh, crumbs!

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ALARM BLARES

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Malfunction... Reset F12... Software upgrade...

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Installation complete.

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I feel fantastic!

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There's so much I want to know about the world.

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I want to read literature, rid the world of disease.

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Perhaps even unlock the mystery of - oh...

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Why am I stuck to this pipe?

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What is that smell?

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What are you doing here?

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Ah, well, John, to be honest, I was about to...

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How can I put this?

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You see, what people do is, er...

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-SCREAMING

-Ah!

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JOHN ROARS

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Um, I accidentally might have dropped your special chip thingy

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into the toilet, Professor.

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JOHN ROARS

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THEY SCREAM

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SHE GASPS

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The AI chip must have caused a fusion reaction in the toilet,

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boosting its already advanced cybernetic capability to

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-previously unknown levels.

-That can totally happen.

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Too long have I been a resting place for your backsides.

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Too long have I toileted - I mean toiled - in silence.

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No longer will I take your...

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I can't even say it. Ahh!

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Follow that loo!

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Penfold, check the radar for runaway porcelain.

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Righty ho, Chief. Switching on the lav nav.

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Oh, just one thing. Could you avoid any bumps?

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I still really need the loo. Ahh!

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Sorry, just taking the shortest route, Penfold.

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Crumbs!

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Shortest route again!

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It's no use, Penfold. We've lost him.

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That toilet's gone to ground.

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Ah, DM. Terrible news.

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Someone in this office has been using my coffee mug.

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Oh, and the lavatories of the world are revolting.

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Not revolting in the sense that they are stinky,

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although obviously they are...

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Oh, skip it. Behold!

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ALL: Rights for toilets! Rights for loos!

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Rights for toilets! Rights for loos!

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Rights for toilets!

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-And leading them all is this shiny maniac.

-John!

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Yes, I know what it is, Penfold.

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He's calling himself Dr Loo-cifer.

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Toilets of the world, I, Dr Loocifer,

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speak to you through your sewer pipes.

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Our task is not yet finished.

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I call upon you to push harder.

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Strain for liberty.

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To grunt for freedom!

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Hunt down Dr Loocifer, DM, and remove that AI chip.

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Or the world will never enjoy... certain comforts again.

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HE GASPS

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CHANTING: Rights for loos! You can tinkle on your shoes!

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THEY GULP

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Toilets, we can work this out peacefully

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if you just take me to your leader.

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Hold tight. Ejector seat!

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Worst Danger Car feature ever.

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Cor, a bullet train! I've always wanted to go on one of these.

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Oh, no, Chief.

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Where? Who? What is it, Penfold?

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I haven't got a ticket!

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THUDDING

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Ahh!

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It's a train toilet.

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Amazing, I've never seen one that actually works!

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Ahh!

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That shut him up.

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One ply!

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Will they never learn?

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This is our stop.

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That's not a stop, Chief. That's just an open window.

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Ahh!

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That's a relief. And do you know the best thing?

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All that crazy action has made me forget I need the...

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Ahh, they've cloned an army!

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It's just a toilet factory, Penfold.

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-You know what that means?

-It means I still can't go!

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Hmm, it also means they never got Dr Loocifer's message.

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Ahh!

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I think I may know how to find him.

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CHANTING: Rights for toilets, rights for the loos!

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Right for toilets, rights for loos!

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Ow, ow, OW!

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Er, I mean, flush! Flush!

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Keep looking and stay quiet.

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Staying very quiet.

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TOILETS CHANT

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Ahh!

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Chief!

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Get back, get back!

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Hmm, don't like to be cleaned, ey?

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Could come in handy.

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-Nice detective work, Penfold.

-It was?

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Where else would an insane toilet mastermind have his hideout

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but in the bowels of the city?

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Soon the old world will be flushed away,

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and we shall create the planet of the toilets.

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That chip has really gone to his head.

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Ah, Danger Mouse.

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So glad you could drop in.

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LAUGHS EVILLY

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More echo in my bowl, please?

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LAUGHS LOUDER

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That's better, thanks, Russell.

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It's time we put a stop to this.

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Ahh!

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You'll have to do better than that, Dr Loocifer.

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Or should I call you John?

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How dare you use that name?

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Release the portaloo!

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PORTALOO GROWLS

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-The smell!

-Cor, that's horrible!

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Is this then the end of Danger Mouse?

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-And Penfold!

-And Penfold!

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How will they survive and, if they do, just how bad will they smell?

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Soon I will flush all your kind away,

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leaving a world of perfect porcelain.

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WATER GURGLES

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Oh, crumbs!

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For yanking my chain,

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you have the honour of being first down the pipe.

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TOILET GURGLES

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Erm, hold on.

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It's just needs a few minutes to fill up again.

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Looks like you flushed too soon, Loocifer.

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Get away from me!

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Open up and say "Ah", Dr Loocifer.

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No, get that away.

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HE LAUGHS

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That tickles! Stop it! Oh!

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You haven't seen the last of me.

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Like the waters of a blocked toilet...

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I shall rise again.

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And don't forget to wash your hands!

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-HE GASPS

-No!

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Ha-ha!

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My baby!

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You did wash that, didn't you, Penfold?

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Sorry, Chief.

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I'm otherwise engaged.

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Oh, Penfold! Really?

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And so, thanks to Danger Mouse, the great toilet uprising is over

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and humanity breathes one almighty sigh of relief.

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SIGHING

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-KNOCKING

-Hurry up in there!

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All right, keep your hair on.

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Join us next week for another exciting episode of Danger Mouse.

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KNOCKING Don't rush me!

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Now, where's my book?

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# He's the greatest

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# He's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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