Big Head Awakens Danger Mouse

# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

# He's the ace

# He's amazing

# He's the strongest, he's the quickest, he's the best

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse! #

What vile villainy bestrides our brave battling Brit?

What pestiferous punishment has Penfold so pressed?

Is he escaping some evil madman's lab

or is he just making breakfast?

Morning, Penfold.

Ready for another day of death-defying danger and excitement?

Hm, let me think. No!

At least not until I've had my bowl of honey crumbs and there's no milk.

Oh, thank you.

Sorry, Penfold, I think this milk might be about to go off.

Mm, black cherry.

Ah!

Hm. Oh.

ICE CREAM VAN PLAYS POP GOES THE WEASEL

Operation Milk Go Boom is complete.

Time for Operation Me Take Nap.

No milk today, thank you.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oi, where's my milk?

BOOM!

Dashpad showed that blighter breaking into HQ.

-Delicious.

-Argh!

Sorry, Colonel, I've been searching the security system

and I can't find the problem.

I don't get it.

I gave Danger Mouse a brand-new hand-held security alarm wand.

Oops.

I spend all my time making the greatest gadgets

any secret agent has ever had and you, Mouse, always break them.

Nonsense. Name three times that's ever happened.

Careful, Danger Mouse.

That vase is actually a laser-guided bug detector.

Not that kind of bug, Danger Mouse.

Some sort of secret communications device disguised as a book, eh?

That's just a book.

THAT was a hi-def surveillance camera fly.

And after years of research and effort,

my Hadron Collider is now ready to unlock

the mysteries of the universe.

All right, name four.

Luckily I've finished a new system that's Danger Mouse-proof.

It's called HEAD -

Headquarters Electronic Assault Defender.

I've integrated it with the security systems on all of HQ's buildings,

devices and vending machines.

I'll just activate the app on my tablet.

Where's my tablet?

DANGER MOUSE HUMS

Hm?

Why do I put up with this? I'm a...

Perhaps we should get breakfast down at Big Mike's, Penfold.

Chief, shouldn't we wait to find out how the new system works?

..but, no, I have to make gadgets for a mouse to break!

HEAD defence system standing by.

To activate, wash beans off operating tablet and press enter.

I can't go out in my Giraffe Warriors onesie.

-You are getting a bit old for it.

-No, I mean, it's covered in beans.

-Here, lend me your trousers.

-No.

-Just for a minute.

-I will not!

Last time it took three washes just to get the jam stains out.

We'll just go back in and...

For building entry, type in extremely complex code.

Chief, we didn't get the code from the Professor.

Not to worry, it's just a machine. Nothing I can't handle.

Try the Colonel's birthday.

-Incorrect.

-Trying "Danger Mouse is awesome".

Very incorrect. Incorrect.

Incorrect. Insulting. Incorrect. Incorrect!

Incorr...

-I think you broke it.

-Better go in and tell Squawkencluck.

Oh, right.

-Enemy presence detected.

-Yeah, all right.

Look here, Big Brain or whatever your name is, it's me, Danger Mouse.

Enemy Danger Mouse detected. Prepare for countermeasures.

Penfold, run!

Argh!

For the first time since I got here I can relax.

Status report, HEAD.

Status, major disaster. SIREN BLARES

Professor, we have the minutest hint of a wafer-thin problem.

And we're back.

I'm not enjoying this!

I was just... Ole!

..trying to enter my... Ole!

..secret code when old Big Head went... Ole!

..bonkers and started attacking us.

Danger Mouse.

-Yes, Professor.

-I'd just like to say,

"You are a terrible secret agent!"

Chief, I think she's upset.

Well, Professor, some people might think that you aren't a very

good gadget-making thingy. What is it she does, Penfold?

Agh!

Did she just hang up on you?

I hung up first.

CAR HORN BLARES

Ole!

-Ahem.

-Argh!

I heard there's been a spot of bother with the watcha-ma-call-it.

Mainframe logic boards damaged.

Engaging self protection protocol.

-Just teething troubles, Colonel.

-Ah, very good.

No, put me down!

Also, that tickles.

Unhand my hologram before I...

Gross ineptitude detected. Unacceptable and embarrassing.

I say, Professor, your HEAD has a bit of a chip on her shoulder.

Ha-ha.

It works on so many levels.

Chip, computer chip. Head, shoulders.

Ha! I couldn't have put it better myself.

Right, Penfold, we have to break back into HQ ASAP.

Otherwise, who knows what H-E-A-D will do?

-L-O-L and smiley face, Chief.

-Yeah, we can acronym later.

Hashtag, charge!

Aw, aren't they cute?

Ouch!

That's it, Penfold. I know how we can get back inside HQ.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Ooh, ahh...

Mission accomplished.

You see, Penfold, a machine will never be able to outthink a person.

Uh!

Ah, there you are, Professor. Colonel K, Colonel K hologram.

It's only a guess, Chief, but I think we might have been captured.

Not to worry. Professor, just turn off old Big Head, will you?

Syntax error. Name is not Big Head.

I would turn it off, except I am attached to the wall.

HEAD system compromised by user incompetence and silliness.

Engaging total system override.

Pfft. How bad can that be?

For citizens' safety, the security of Great Britain is now under

the control of Big Head.

Argh!

ROBOT DOG BARKS

BARBER SCREAMS

Penfold, tell that mouse that this is all his fault.

Penfold, tell that scientist that

if it hadn't been for her faulty machinery then...

My machinery worked perfectly!

Yeah, sure, if you like things that break.

Stop it! Stop it now.

Chief, you are the greatest secret agent in the world.

Professor, you are the greatest gadget scientist in the world.

With your gadgets and your skills, Chief,

we can overcome any villain in the universe.

-Can't we just get along? Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

Thank you so much. You're too kind.

Don't milk it, Penfold.

I suppose I could be a bit more careful with them,

maybe even find out how they work.

And I suppose I can be a bit more patient

and probably take down the Danger Mouse Is Stupid website.

-Yes, you could. The what?

-Nothing!

Right now we need to get to the Danger Flat

and remove the Big Head chip before it spreads worldwide.

I have a wall escape gadget in my hair. If you could...

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

-Got it. I'll just...

-Listen to the instructions?

-Yes, that.

Press A, then B, then A again

and then tap the end against the wall.

SIREN BLARES

-To the Danger Flat.

-Unacceptable.

Switching to ultra-emergency animatronic hyperdrive.

Come on. Start, you stupid thing!

Got it.

All gadgets engage.

Ah! The fiend!

She's redecorated.

When we get close, you two distract it and I'll remove the chip, OK?

Oi, Big Head. Yoo-hoo!

DISCO MUSIC PLAYS

You're too late.

THEY GASP

I can walk, just like a real girl!

Erm, that is, engage eradication sequence.

Is this the end for our heroes?

I hope so because I have an audition in a few minutes,

so if someone could let me know what happens.

I suppose this is where you're going to tell me I'm a dim-witted,

-imbecilic mutton head.

-That's exactly what you are,

-but never has this country needed one more.

-You're welcome, I think.

Danger Mouse, I want you to start misusing those gadgets.

Do it like the world depends on it because it does.

You're not doing it right.

No, stop!

You buffoon.

How embarrassing.

BOOM!

Hey-hey!

BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY

Hee-hee-hee!

-Ah!

-Ah!

Welcome to Danger Mouse Is Stupid dot dumdum.

PROFESSOR LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

And so, with Big Head defeated and me

not passing the audition even though I clearly deserved the part,

peace breaks out and Professor Squawkencluck

and Danger Mouse are BFFs forever.

What? This indicates the presence of Big Head.

Argh!

-Toast is off, I'm afraid.

-Colonel, he's done it again!

Oh, but yesterday you were all,

"Ooh, misuse all the gadgets like the world depends on it."

-It's like working with a bunch of toddlers.

-Professor...

All we need is nappies to complete the look. Right, that's it,

I've had enough...

Join us next time for more... Will you lot keep it down, please?

I'm trying to end the show.

Oh, why do I bother?

I've got old milk up my nose now!

# He's the greatest

# He's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse! #