The World Wide Spider Danger Mouse

Ahh!

# He's the greatest He's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

-# He's the ace

-The ace

-# He's amazing

-Amazing

# He's the strongest He's the quickest, he's the best

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse! #

Britain, land of heroes.

Men and women whose bravery has kept he hordes of evil at bay.

And here in this quiet corner of London's Mayfair,

bravest of them all, Danger Mouse.

Ah! Spider!

What?! Our hero, scared of spiders?

I mean, I know they are hairy with all those legs and teeth and...

Whoa, ey! What's that on the floor?!

-You're not scared of spiders, are you, Chief?

-Certainly not.

Just caught me off guard.

So if you wouldn't mind getting rid of it

with a massive laser canon or something.

All you need is a cup and a newspaper.

Ahh!

What rule did we make recently?

No more jumping into your arms.

Sorry, Chief. Big fella, isn't he?

HE GROANS

This is a tougher than that time the Colonel had me

pluck his eyebrows.

The...is under attack.

-The what, Colonel?

-The in...net.

Our connection is breaking up, Colonel.

-It's almost as if the internet is under attack.

-It is!

That's what I've been saying.

Think, DM, how would policemen, doctors

and the government function if there was no internet?

And you wouldn't be able to play Giraffe Warriors either, sir.

GAME BEEPS

Gosh, it's worse than I thought.

You've got to do something, DM!

Colonel, we'll find out who is attacking the internet

and take them off-line permanently.

Shall I just leave the huge spider's web where I found it?

Uh... No.

You stay here and take care of the sp...sp..spider web

and I'll deal with the World Wide Web.

Activate Auto Penfold.

-Now, where is this deadly attack?

-Deadly attack?

Waah!

Uncanny. Just like the real thing.

Activate eye patch. Locate internet attack.

'Locate interesting cat rack.'

-CAT MEOWS

-What?

No. Locate inter-net attack.

'Located.'

What? It's coming from HQ!

-Penfold, have you seen anyone attacking the web?

-Only me.

Just a minute. Is it possible that this web is THE web?

Of course the World Wide Web is an actual spider web

covering the planet. What did you think it was?

A magical network of invisible information hurtling through space?

SHE CHUCKLES

Hang on. If the World Wide Web is a giant spider web, then... Gasp!

How big is the spider that made it?

JACKHAMMER BANGS SHOUTS: Enormous.

But we are in no danger as long as nobody tweaks the web

and attracts its attention.

JACKHAMMER BANGS

What?

-Ah!

-Ah!

Eye patch, activate!

Ah!

-Ow!

-Ow!

-Ow!

-Ow!

-Ow!

The tremors are worldwide, Professor.

The spider must have been asleep for thousands of years.

-It's going to wake up hungry.

-They don't eat mice, do they?

-No.

A spider of this size would probably eat...

the whole planet!

You must find it and neutralise it.

-HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

-No problem.

It's not like I'm scared of huge spiders.

But where would one find a spider that big? What could it hide under?

Surely there isn't a rock big enough. Or is there?

OK, it would take one million people to lift a Uluru, or Ayers Rock

as it's known.

Of course, one gigantic spider could lift it easily.

THEY CHUCKLE

THEY SCREAM

SPIDER ROARS, CAMERA CLICKS

Yes, it's bad news for Australia,

but it will be worse news for the spider when Danger Mouse gets here.

Which should be any second now.

Any second.

He's not coming, is he?

Erm, isn't Australia that way?

Ugh, Danger Maps playing up again?

'No, I said it was that way too!'

OK, now we are hurtling towards trouble.

At the speed of a snail.

Oi, I resent that!

It's a good news-bad news type situation, DM.

Bad news - the spider has covered Australia and East Asia in web

and is now heading to India.

What's the good news, Colonel?

Oh, the extra World Wide Webbing means the internet is working

wonderfully.

I've found the magic pineapple!

Deal with that spider, but try not to tamper with the web.

I'm about to unlock a new achievement.

Crumbs, Chief!

We have to stop that spider before it cocoons the whole planet.

Do we? Oh, yes.

Deep breath. Let's g...g...go!

ENGINE ROARS

The Taj Mahal, the pride of India. And not a giant spider in sight.

CAMERA CLICKS

-He's massive!

-You've got to control your fear, Chief.

Maybe you need to control your fear.

For once, I haven't got any.

For the last time, I'm not afraid

of going near sp...spi...spiders.

What if you don't have to go near it? Look.

Well, if you insist. But I'm still not scared of sp...spi... Arachnids.

To catch a normal spider...

-Ahh!

-Sorry.

To catch a normal...thingy, we'd use a cup and paper.

So to catch a massive thingy...

We need a massive cup and paper.

Penfold, tell me I'm brilliant.

You're brilliant, Chief.

Tell me something I don't know.

I've hacked in and increased the newspaper's print size.

Get your Agra evening news here!

Now we just need some bait.

What are you looking at me for?

Oi, hairy legs!

THEY PLAY AN INDIAN TUNE

Now, Chief!

SPIDER HISSES

-SPIDER GROWLS

-Ah! Spi... Penfold!

Don't worry, Chief, running away is my speciality.

It's a dark day for the Earth.

But where is Danger Mouse in the world's hour of need?

Here's the plan. Step one, hide in this cave.

And step two?

Hm? Who said anything about a step two?

I need to tell you something, Penfold,

something I've never told anyone ever.

I am slightly unnerved by spiders.

-SARCASTICALLY:

-I had no idea. Wow, you can't tell.

I know. I cover it up very well.

If only we could shrink it down to this size somehow.

Ey! You're holding a spider!

Yes, but only a little one. No-one is scared of the little ones.

It's the same, just smaller.

Right, I know how to cure you.

-We'll start little and work our way up.

-But...

Danger Mouse, shush!

Erm, sir, shush, sir... Please. Sorry.

HE BLOWS RASPBERRY

SPIDER CRIES

Sorry about earlier, Raul, you are not scary at all.

You're doing wonders for my back. Ah...

Earth-shattering news, DM.

I've reached level 10,000 in Giraffe Warriors!

Oh, and the worldwide spider's has now covered the entire planet in web.

Apart from London.

Should have seen that coming.

'It's game over for Colonel K and his giraffe warrior.

'But is it game over for planet Earth as well?'

Chief?

-I thought we were finished with running away.

-It's OK, Penfold.

If we're going to catch a massive spider,

we need a massive vacuum cleaner.

It will have to be the biggest vacuum in the universe.

Exactly. We need the vacuum of space.

Wow. That thing must really suck!

Nelson's Column is...

-ALL:

-Ahh!

CAMERA CLICKS

Oi! You big arachnerd.

-SPIDER HISSES

-Is that all you've got?

SPIDER CLEARS THROAT SPIDER ROARS

I'm stuck.

Perfect. Penfold, now!

Please help me. I'm afraid of vacuums!

# I look into your eyes And begin to wonder

# How it all went wrong. #

Oh, DM, you big softie.

Penfold, turn it off. Now!

VACUUM SHUTS OFF

Why did we turn it off, Chief?

Because he's just a spider.

There's nothing to be scared of.

We can't blame him for shooting web and eating things.

That's what spiders do.

We're very good at table tennis too!

Fancy a game? I'll play with one hand tied behind my back.

Turns out Lionel is not such a bad chap.

He even made sure the internet was working for us.

-The spider is called Lionel?

-Yes.

And he's agreed it's too dangerous for him to stay here on Earth,

so he's taken the Danger Pod and flown into a wormhole.

By now, he'll be on the other side of the galaxy where

he can enjoy himself without causing any harm.

Great and wise being comes to us from afar.

We are truly blessed.

-ALL:

-Uh-oh...

And so the danger passes from our galaxy to another.

But what other monsters roam our world? Lots, I'm hoping.

Find out in the next episode of...

Danger Mouse!

# He's the greatest He's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

-# Danger Mouse!

-#