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Welcome to Danger World! Danger Mouse

Welcome to Danger World!

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# He's the greatest He's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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# He's the ace He's amazing

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# He's the strongest He's the quickest, he's the best

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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'Cower, ye mortals, for deep in the dark bowels of the Earth,

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'Danger Mouse and Penfold face an ancient nightmare -

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'a mighty dragon so terrible that...'

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You're not helping.

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'Sorry. Forget I said anything.'

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DRAGON ROARS

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SKELETON SQUEALS

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Be brave, Penfold. Together, we can defeat this massive, terrifying...

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LOW SQUEAK

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-..ant.

-Look out, Chief! A mighty dragon!

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-Pause programme.

-BEEP

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Penfold, how can I teach you to be a hero

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if you keep re-programming the simulator?

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Don't you want to be like me and face doom every day?

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I'd rather have my favourite tie set on fire.

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Agh!

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It's fine. That was my second favourite.

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ALARM BLARES

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Disaster, DM! Just received this footage from Cambodia.

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'80s SYNTH MUSIC

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Um... Not that footage. Ha-ha!

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I thought I marked that "top-secret".

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This footage, of an alien invasion.

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Oh, man! They destroyed Angkor Wat!

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The aliens have already attacked Mount Rushmore...

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Finally, some peace and quiet.

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-..Notre Dame...

-BELL TOLLS

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-BELL CLANGS

-Oof!

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..and worst of all, here in London,

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the greatest achievement this country has to offer the world -

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Big Mike's Pie Stall!

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The fiends!

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His chicken and probably ham pies are legendary.

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Now the aliens are in the Egypt.

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Danger Mouse, you've got to save the world from destruction.

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You see, Penfold? The world needs heroes, not cowards.

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We're going to Egypt.

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ENGINE REVS AND TYRES SCREECH

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ALIENS CHEER

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Oooh...

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DEVICES POWER UP

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ALIENS GRUMBLE

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Do ye know road for gift shop? We wish buy postcard.

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Postcards? Gift shop?

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-What kind of invasion is this?

-NOVELTY CAR HORN HONKS

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ENGINES POWER DOWN

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Five extra wommas for the amazing history of this paradise.

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-Oh, what a dump. No refunds.

-The Sphinx is hollow...

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Blah, blah, blah...

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So when you hold it to your ear, you hear fish playing violins.

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Chief, they're tourists.

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-Hey, no freeloaders!

-30 wommas a day for the tour!

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-Oh, can we, Chief? Can we?

-We don't want to join the tour.

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We want your tourists to stop destroying our planet!

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Hey, no-one's destroying nothing. They're taking souvenirs. Look.

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ZAP

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Then, in the name of planet Earth,

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I insist you return everything you took and leave!

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Hey, this guy is King of Mars. Who wants to buy a picture?

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-Penfold, look out - camera.

-Cheese...

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Right, no more Mr Nice Mouse.

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Uh?

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RUBBERY THUMPS

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CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS

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Probably the other button.

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ZAP

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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-Oof!

-What a show!

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I can make you an intergalactic superstar.

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-Make me rich...

-Smile, Quark.

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HORN HONKS

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BUTTON BEEPS

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'And so, with the world saved and the show ending early,

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'what will Danger Mouse do with his time off?

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'Will he wash the Danger Car?

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'Will he visit his mother, like he said he would?

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'Will he spot the giant alien eye watching him through the window?'

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Agh! Look out, chief!

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'An alien eye?!'

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That's it! An Englishman's postbox is his castle.

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SAVAGE BEATINGS

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Er... Chief?

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TOURISTS CHANT: Danger Mouse! Danger Mouse!

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OK, Danger fans - next show is in 15.

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Wave at the easy money, mouse brain.

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TOURISTS CLAMOUR

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You're a star - a bona fide tourist attraction.

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-Hey, how about some autographs?

-They love that garbage.

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ALL CLAMOUR

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Chief, I think this is a trick.

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Don't be silly, Penfold.

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I don't mind a few autographs, but...no photos(!)

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LAUGHTER

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PEN CLICKS

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-Who's it to?

-ALIEN WIBBLES

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-Spelt the way it sounds?

-GIGGLES

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Stick with me, superstar. I got big plans.

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-Chief? Where are you going?

-TOURISTS: Danger Mouse! Danger Mouse!

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Oh, crumbs!

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Come to Earth and see the 412th wonder of the universe -

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Danger Mouse!

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He's 100 metres tall, he can eat 100 hot dogs in one second...

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-Real dogs.

-Gross.

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Book now for the Danger Show Extravaganza!

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No refunds.

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Danger Mouse, the world needs you!

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-Oh, sorry. Wrong number.

-It's me, Colonel.

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Where's DM? The world's ending!

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We're relying on you to find him -

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and then, we're relying on him.

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Oh, crikey! Is there a plan B?

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CROWD CLAMOURS: Danger Mouse!

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-Ha! You think that's amazing?

-APPLAUSE

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Watch this.

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-VROOM

-Agh!

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Couldn't this have waited? I'm a busy galactic star now, you know?

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Chief, Quark's turned the whole planet

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into a Danger Mouse theme park!

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An ice sculpture? Cool - literally.

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He's used the entire polar ice caps to make it.

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Where are the bears supposed to live?

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POLAR BEAR GRUNTS

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He's turned Europe into a Danger Coaster!

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-Brilliant.

-Brilliant?

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Thanks to your popularity,

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they've even turned the Moon into a car park.

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SPACESHIP HORNS BEEP

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CLUNK

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-And it's not just the Moon.

-CHEERING

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Look!

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Yeah. Perhaps there might be a slight issue. I'll speak to Quark.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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-Here he is...

-Late.

-Number one in

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100 Things To See Before You Evolve Into A Snarpusian Swamp Rat...

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Quark, I think we're going to have to call all of this off.

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Then who will save the planet from the Laverian Lick Monster?

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MONSTER PURRS

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Aw, he doesn't look a prob...

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-Agh! Steady on!

-Blech!

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-Ha!

-CHEERING

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Oh!

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Nobody licks Her Majesty without royal approval!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Now, that's what I call tongue-tied. The show's over, Quark.

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-Sure, sure. The show's over(!)

-Not!

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Complain all you like, I'll just release another monster

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and you'll have to put on a show.

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CHANTS: Danger Mouse, Danger Mouse!

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What do I do? I can't let monsters loose on the planet,

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but if I fight, then it'll attract more tourists.

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Chief, the only way to get rid of the fans is to stop performing.

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-PENFOLD GASPS

-I've got an idea.

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Next up, a battle royale - Danger Mouse versus...

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Quark, Danger Mouse challenges you to a battle instead.

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What are you, crazy? No-one will pay to see that.

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Hi, Danger fans. It's me against the guy who taught me everything -

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Goliath's BIG BROTHER, Quark the Magnificent!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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You've already sold a million tickets.

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Still, I guess we could give the money back...

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-No refunds!

-Fine, whatever.

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It'll only take him 20 seconds to beat me.

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The crowd will love it. Easy money.

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Chief, if we're going to pull this off,

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you've got put on the most cowardly performance of your life.

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"Cowardly"? Cow-ard-ly? Cow-ard-lay?

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Are you sure that's a word?

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Here, do it like me.

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PENFOLD WHIMPERS

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DANGER MOUSE WHIMPERS

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No, like this!

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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It looks so right when you do it. I'll do my best.

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No, Chief - do your worst.

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Ahem...

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PENFOLD WHIMPERS

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DANGER MOUSE WHIMPERS

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APPLAUSE FALTERS

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Come on, let's give them a show!

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Ahem?

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Ugh...

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Whoohoo! Yeah, great acting, hero. Now, fight back.

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DANGER MOUSE GROANS

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Pwease don't hurt me...

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Hey, be a hero, Danger Putz! BOOING

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Help, help - I'm so scared!

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Stop it! You'll have to fight back eventually.

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Whee!

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I mean... Aghh!

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CROWD GASPS

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Still not fighting back? Fine.

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SCREWS SQUEAK LOOSE

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-LONDON EYE CREAKS

-Agh!

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This must be what it feels like to be you.

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CLANG

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I can't take any more! You win.

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O-ho! You win! You're the star!

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Not any more...

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CHANTING: Quark, Quark, Quark!

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The biggest attraction in the galaxy!

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The conqueror of Danger Mouse!

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-Get your Quark goodies here!

-And don't forget to take a photo!

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TOURISTS CLAMOUR

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Looks like you were right, Penfold -

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the world does need cowards after all.

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Of course it does, Chief. If it wasn't for us, who would you rescue?

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Here, someone's taken the car as a souvenir.

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-How are we going to get home?

-Hmm...

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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'And so, for once, Danger Mouse's heroism

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'nearly brings about the destruction of the planet

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'and cowardice saves the day.

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'Danger Mouse will be appearing

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'at the next International Coward's Convention,

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'where he'll be signing autographs - if anyone's brave enough to ask!'

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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