Quantum of Rudeness Danger Mouse


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Quantum of Rudeness

Animated series. The 'ping' of a microwave causes Danger Mouse to blast a hole in the wall of Squawkencluck's laboratory.


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Chief!

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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-# He's the ace

-The ace

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-# He's amazing

-Amazing

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# He's the strongest He's the quickest, he's the best

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Sirens!

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Smoke!

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Carnage!

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Was it Danger Mouse's turn to cook dinner?

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They've turned Danger Mackerel into a novelty gift!

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# Hello my darling, hello my honey

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# Hello my ragtime gal. #

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Chief, they've robbed him of every ounce of dignity.

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It's appalling.

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# Hello my darling, hello my honey

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# Hello my ragtime gal. #

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PAINED GROANING

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Danger Mouse!

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And...

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Pipsqueak.

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I'm done for!

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THEY GASP

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Avenge me!

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Oh!

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Um...

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Aargh...

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Stay strong, Colonel.

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Penfold, it's avenging time.

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Ha!

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Chief!

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Not the Professor!

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Nonsense, Penfold.

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She was clearly an evil Professor clone.

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I think you'll find this gift of hers

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would make someone's birthday go with a "bang".

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PUPPY BARKS

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Oh, a puppy.

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Whoops.

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-COMPUTER:

-Training game over.

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Didn't overcook it, did I?

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More of a dancer than an actor.

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Could have gone professional,

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if it weren't for my little

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bunion problem.

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-Ugh...

-Oh...

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Chief,

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do you think you might be a tiny bit trigger-happy?

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Pff! I have the same razor-sharp villain-spotting instincts

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that I've always had, Penfold.

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MICROWAVE BEEPS

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PROFESSOR SCREAMS

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I owe you lunch, Professor.

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Now, why is there a hidden room in your lab?

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It's the legendary Impoliternet.

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Oh, the Holy Grail of behavioural modification

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primary precursor integrated comms networks!

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I'll explain all that mumbo jumbo to you later.

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It was made by Professor Goodman in the 1980s -

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the weirdest and most dangerous time period in history.

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What does it do?

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It was designed to spread politeness through the world,

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but the system was corrupted by a terrible villain

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who threatened to overwhelm the world with rudeness.

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MACHINE WHIRS

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Danger Mouse, what did I just say?

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Something about pancakes?

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Let's see what it does.

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MACHINE BURPS AND BLOWS RASPBERRIES

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MACHINE STOPS

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It seems to know you, Professor.

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But who could have wanted a rude revolution?

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CRASH!

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Your mum, that's who.

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HE BLOWS RASPBERRY

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Brigadier Badboy!

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Yes, well, I suppose it was obvious, really.

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Shut it, Mouse.

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The time of global rudeness has arrived.

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And I'm back.

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MACHINE BEEPS

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ELECTRICITY CRACKLES

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We have two options.

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One - go on an epic quest to find the ancient missing Professor

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Goodman, bravely defying all the parameters of time and space.

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Or two - let the Professor fix it somehow.

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Chief, I'm not sure travelling back in time to 1985 to stop

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the Politernet from being corrupted was the easiest solution.

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Who said anything about easiest?

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Professor Goodman, I presume?

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Guests! How delightful!

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I don't think we've been introduced. I'm...

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Badboy!

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Where's Goodman?

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Gracious!

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A "please" might be nice.

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I am Professor Goodman.

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You've been a bad boy, Badboy.

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It was you who corrupted the Politernet.

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I say, if you need to borrow that,

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I'm happy to lend it to you.

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Don't bother trying to distract me

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with your uncharacteristic politeness, Badboy.

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I am trained to completely ignore every kind of distr...

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What on earth has happened to your legs, Penfold?

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It's exposure to the 1980s!

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The Professor warned us in that scene that was too boring to show.

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I have a sudden urge to do aerobics.

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FUNKY BEAT

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We need to stop him and get out of the 1980s

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before we both end up growing...

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mullets!

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Business in the front,

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party in the back!

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THEY GASP

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Interesting colour choices -

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-avocado and cowpat.

-STRAINING

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Step away from the Professor, villains.

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Danger K!

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It's me, DM.

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I mean, you haven't met me yet but, trust me -

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I'm from the future and I'm here to save the world.

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Impossible.

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There's no way people in the future would still be stupid enough

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to do confusing time travel episodes.

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I think you'll find we're stupid enough to do

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a lot of surprising things.

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DANGER K ROARS

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Chief, what are you doing?

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Fight back!

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He's my future boss.

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You know how bad that would look on my annual report?

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Run!

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Are we hiding, Chief?

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We're not hiding,

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we're reassessing our strategy. Hang on, I'll find a...

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Penfold, is there any chance

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you've grown a moustache since the last scene?

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Not really, Chief.

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Uh-oh.

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AWKWARD LAUGHTER

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It's the legendary HQ disco room!

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Where dreams do come true!

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Villains!

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Let's dance!

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DISCO MUSIC PLAYS

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Ugh!

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No-one puts Danger Mouse in the corner!

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Aargh!

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My blasted bunion!

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I'll never play the dying swan again!

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I promise you, we're here from the future to help you, Colonel.

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Colonel?

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But I'm a General now.

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Awkward.

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But a mystery for another episode.

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Right now we need your help

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and some conditioner for this hair.

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Step away from the machine, Goodman.

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Danger K, you've known me for 20 years.

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I'm no villain.

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True, but these two - whom I've known for less than five minutes -

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say you're a criminal and that's good enough for me.

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GOODMAN SCREAMS

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MACHINE BURPS AND BLOWS RASPBERRIES

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The power!

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The power of the rudeness!

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The power!

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HE BLOWS HUGE BASPBERRY

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Penfold,

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is there a chance that by following my instincts

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I just slightly turned a nice,

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polite Professor into a terrible, rude villain?

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A little bit, Chief...yeah.

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The rudeness!

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The rudeness!

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HE BLOWS BASPBERRY

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Well, I doubt we'll be seeing any more of him.

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I don't want to worry everyone,

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but I'm feeling the urge to say "ace"

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and call you all my homeboys!

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This is bogus, dude.

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It's the '80s effect taking over our bodies.

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We need to get rad and back to the present before it's too late.

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DK, we're going to need your help.

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Fresh.

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ELECTRICITY CRACKLES

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EVERYBODY BURPING

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M'lady. SHE GIGGLES

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The honour's all mine.

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Keep an eye on this chap, DM.

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I can spot a criminal and there's something familiar about that

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moustache I can't put my finger on.

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To de-villainise Badboy, we need to recreate the moment which

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caused him to go all...

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HE BLOWS RASPBERRY

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First, we stealthily sneak up on him as he's...

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CRASH!

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Last one to whack seven bells out of the villain is a sissy.

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For the third time this episode,

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step away from the machine, Badboy.

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Let me think.

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The world is engulfed in rudeness.

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I have complete control.

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So...

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HE BLOWS BASPBERRY

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Last chance, Badboy.

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Remember, deep down you're one of us -

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the good guys.

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You don't have to put yourself through a painful...

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Oh, hit him with the hammers.

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Oh... Oh!

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My rudeness, it's gone!

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I'm cured!

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Professor Goodman, you're back!

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And thus the day is saved by yours truly.

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You're welcome, world.

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It was all your fault in the first place!

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Now, now, Professor, let's not be...

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-rude.

-HE SNIGGERS

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So, um...

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apologies for the whole not-trusting-you shenanigans.

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Let's forget it ever happened.

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Quite.

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Nice being back to normal, what?

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Hmm...

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No, not really.

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It's more fun being rude.

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Much, much more fun.

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-Ah...

-Oh...

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Rudeness forever!

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HE BLOWS VERY LONG RASPBERRY

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Well, I think that proves that my villain-spotting instincts

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were right all along.

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BADBOY BLOWS RASPBERRIES AND BREAKS WIND

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And so the past, present and future timelines of reality

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no longer make any sense and remain unexplained.

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Join us next week, tomorrow and yesterday,

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all at the same time,

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for more adventures of Danger Mouse.

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This is your narrator wishing you a very...

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HE BLOWS RASPBERRY ..day.

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Danger Mouse creates a rather rude villain. He is trying to prove he is not as trigger-happy as his friends make out, when the 'ping' of a microwave causes him to blast a hole in the wall of Squawkencluck's laboratory. Squawk's annoyance turns to delight when the hole reveals a secret room containing a long-lost legendary invention, the impoliternet. The machine's origins date back to the 1980s, when the mysterious Professor Goodman invented the politernet to spread politeness throughout the world. But a terrible villain reversed the effects and turned it into a device to flood the land with rudeness.

An unperturbed DM switches the machine on. Chaos ensues, and Burt Badboy arrives to claim the impoliternet and Squawk's lab, before kicking the gang out of HQ. Danger Mouse and Penfold use King Kong Brunel's time machine to travel back to 1985, in the hope of putting everything right. They find Goodman, but are shocked to discover that he is a very polite Badboy. A young Colonel K, Danger K, arrives on the scene intent on protecting Goodman against the suspicious pair. HQ turns into a disco, and DM and Penfold resort to some bunion-based underhand tactics to take down the surprisingly twinkle-toed Danger K. He realises that the pair are on to something, and the trio unite to confront Goodman. The Professor maintains his innocence - that is until DM and DK accidentally cause the politernet to malfunction and zap Goodman with rudeness rays, turning him into Badboy.

Back in the present day Danger Mouse, Danger K and Penfold are joined by Squawk and a confused Colonel K. They recreate the mishap that turned the original Goodman into Badboy, and although they successfully cure him of rudeness, Badboy rejects a life of politeness blowing a big fat raspberry as he escapes.