A Loo to A Kill Danger Mouse


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A Loo to A Kill

Animated series. During filming for Danger Mouse: The Movie! Colonel K and Professor Squawkencluck are zapped and turned into toilets.


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Chief!

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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-# He's the ace

-The ace

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-# He's amazing

-Amazing

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# He's the strongest He's the quickest, he's the best

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Tokyo - city of the future!

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City of explosions!

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City of giant toilets?!

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Let's flush this toilet, Penfold.

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DINOSAUR ROARS

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HE GASPS

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Crumbs, Chief. He's got a dinosaur.

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Dinosaurs? Massive explosions?

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Attractive Penfold?

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This can only mean one thing...

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..it's Danger Mouse - The Movie!

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Dr Lucifer's toilet rebellion

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is flowing into the streets.

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Hold tight, Penfold.

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I will. As tight as I can.

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HE GULPS

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No, no, no!

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I'm sorry, Mr Horsese, but I was there,

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and I definitely did not kiss Danger Mouse.

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And cut.

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Penfold, this is a film.

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It has to be more thrilling than our normal,

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everyday lives of explosions, battles and saving the world.

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Kid, audiences want dinosaurs, explosions

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and you as a woman.

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Why can't I be a man and Danger Mouse be a woman?!

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There's no actor, male or female,

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great enough to play DM.

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That's why we had to hire the real thing.

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Sorry, Penfold, I'm irreplaceable.

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Danger Mouse replacement into position.

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What?

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DM, you're a legend,

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but I can't risk you having to do your own stunts.

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But I like risk! I don't want to be pampered!

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If anyone wants me, I'll be in my trailer...

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..being pampered.

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Hmmm. Er, can you at least make this more dangerous by getting

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shampoo near my eye, or something?

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Emergency situation, DM!

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Hah! Colonel, I'm ready for anything.

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It's this poster for you movie -

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it hasn't been signed by the star.

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Ah-ha-ha-ha!

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Not you! Your co-star, Scarlett Johamster.

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I'm a huge fan.

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Don't worry, sir, I'll introduce you.

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Keep it under your moustache, but I think she's rather sweet on me.

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So, tell me about you, Penfold. I've never played a real hero before.

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There's not much to tell.

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When I'm not saving the world,

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I make jam and do jigsaws.

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Oh, you are so deep.

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-Arrgh!

-SPLAT!

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Scarlett, my dear, may I introduce you to Colonel K?

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HE MAKES ODD MUMBLING NOISE

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Colonel, don't you want to ask Scarlett for an autograph?

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Well, this was creepy.

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Excuse me, I have to go peel a friend off the side of my trailer.

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Oh, it's true what they say -

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never gawp and gurgle weirdly at your rivals.

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Sir, I've been trying to reach you.

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Sorry, Professor, it's the filming, you see.

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They needed me to turn off the global security nexus.

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But that leaves Earth completely defenceless!

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Yes, but the director said the sirens and flashing lights

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were distracting the actors.

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That's a red alert! What happened?

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Just some missing agents or some such.

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Did I tell you I met Scarlett Johamster?

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Colonel, we need to investigate!

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-Scarlett?

-The missing agents! Gah!

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Ah, it's you. I say, that's a realistic ray gun.

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What the blazes?

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No... NO!

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Hello? Anyone in here?

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I heard some noises.

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And not the usual kind.

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HE GASPS

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Colonel K?!

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PARP!

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Chief, something awful's happened!

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Good grief. Come on, Penfold, there's no time to lose.

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Good GRIEF. Come ON, Penfold, there's no time to lose.

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G-O-O-OD grief. COME on, Pen...

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Ah. I'm just not sure "good grief" is the sort of thing I'd say.

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Chief! Something's happened to Colonel K!

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Er, no, the next line is, "Something terrible's happened in the toilet."

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Something terrible HAS happened in the toilet.

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Ooh, nice energy, Penfold.

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Then I say, "Dr Lucifer!"

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Chief, you've got to listen!

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Mr Horsese needs you on set, Mr Mouse.

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Great notes, Penfold. Let's do the sewer scene when I get back.

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Chief! Wait!

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-THUMP!

-Arrgh!

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Penfold, stop lying around, there's an emergency.

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I must talk to Danger Mouse.

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Well, good luck!

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He can't think about anything apart from this stupid film!

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I knew this film would be a distraction from his duties,

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but I never thought for a second that he'd...

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-Whoa! Are those Scarlett's shoes?!

-Oh, not you, too!

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Professor, we have to do something before anyone

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else gets turned into a...

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Hah!

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PARP!

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HE SCREAMS

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Chief.

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Not Chief.

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Ah... Cut?

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Gah!

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Phew! Huh?

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CHIEF!

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Penfold!

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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Martin, do you think we could turn down this exciting music?

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I thought I heard some hamsterish wailing.

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Anything you want, DM.

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Sorry, I think you've turned it up.

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What? Turn it up?

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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THEY GROWL

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Oh, crumbs!

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Hah?

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Chief? You came!

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Good grief, Penfold, of course I...

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Ooh, I do say "good grief".

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My hero.

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-Oh.

-PENFOLD GIGGLES

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-Sorry, have I missed something?

-Not much, Chief.

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Just our friends being turned into toilets!

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How could I have let this happen?

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Penfold, starring in this film has made me a fool.

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A handsome, heroic, highly-paid fool.

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But I'm back, and no-one else is getting turned into a toilet.

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-PARP!

-Starting now.

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Come on, Penfold.

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ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

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Waah!

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Ah-ha-ha!

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Hold tight, Penfold.

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Oh, right.

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-Oops.

-PENFOLD GASPS

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It's Martin Horsese!

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This is the movies, Danger Mouse.

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Nothing is as it seems!

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THEY GASP

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Dr Lucifer!

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The pine-fresh smell of victory!

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By keeping you distracted, I've been free to assemble

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the greatest army of toilets the world has ever seen!

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Now it's time to close the lid

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on the world's greatest secret agent.

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-Arrgh!

-Penfold!

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PARP!

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Come out, Danger Mouse.

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You know you can't beat...

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..the cistern!

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DR LUCIFER LAUGHS

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I've done it.

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My enemy has been wiped away by the twin ply of my genius

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and his own self-obsession.

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Soon we will flush away the old order,

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as I turn the world itself

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into a toilet!

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Arrgh!

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Looking for this?

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But...that's impossible!

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Sorry, Lucifer.

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Don't you know I'm too important to do my own stunts?

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Ohh!

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Toilets - flush him!

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Hah!

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You may have come out number one, Danger Mouse,

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but say goodbye to your number twos!

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LUCIFER LAUGHS

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Hmmm.

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Ohh...

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THEY CHEER

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THEY GROAN

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Lucifer, time you were taken to the cleaners.

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What are you talking about? You can't take the toilet to the...

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Waaah!

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Oh, thank goodness you're safe.

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Eww. Shower first, I think.

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-Oh, I didn't mean you.

-Oh!

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How about dinner tonight?

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Ha-ha-ha! Sorry, Scarlett.

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I'm afraid movies may have romantic endings,

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but that's not how it works for agents like Penfold and me.

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We already have a long-term relationship...

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..with a thing called saving the world.

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Penfold?

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See you later, Chief.

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And there we have it - finally, a proper happy ending,

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as Penfold and Scarlett drive off into the sunset...

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Oh, it's just a prop.

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Someone give them a hand.

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Join us next time for another blockbuster episode

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of Danger Mouse!

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Danger Mouse's film-star status is threatened by a toilet uprising. An epic battle on the streets of Tokyo between Danger Mouse and Dr Loocifer! Oh, wait - it's just a scene being filmed for Danger Mouse: The Movie! Scarlet Johamster has been cast as Penfold while Danger Mouse is apparently the only one 'great enough' to take on the title role. During filming Colonel K and Professor Squawkencluck are zapped and turned into toilets by a mysteriously figure. Danger Mouse and Penfold spring to action, keen to uncover the source of this toilet transformation. They discover Dr Loocifer has used the filming of the movie as a distraction and has been transforming everyone in the world into toilets. Dr Loocifer escapes into the sewers with DM's toiletised friends as hostages. Will DM manage to rescue his friends and transform them back, or will they forever be toilets?