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A Loo to A Kill Danger Mouse

A Loo to A Kill

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Chief!

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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-# He's the ace

-The ace

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-# He's amazing

-Amazing

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# He's the strongest He's the quickest, he's the best

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Tokyo - city of the future!

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City of explosions!

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City of giant toilets?!

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Let's flush this toilet, Penfold.

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DINOSAUR ROARS

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HE GASPS

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Crumbs, Chief. He's got a dinosaur.

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Dinosaurs? Massive explosions?

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Attractive Penfold?

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This can only mean one thing...

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..it's Danger Mouse - The Movie!

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Dr Lucifer's toilet rebellion

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is flowing into the streets.

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Hold tight, Penfold.

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I will. As tight as I can.

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HE GULPS

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No, no, no!

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I'm sorry, Mr Horsese, but I was there,

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and I definitely did not kiss Danger Mouse.

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And cut.

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Penfold, this is a film.

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It has to be more thrilling than our normal,

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everyday lives of explosions, battles and saving the world.

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Kid, audiences want dinosaurs, explosions

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and you as a woman.

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Why can't I be a man and Danger Mouse be a woman?!

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There's no actor, male or female,

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great enough to play DM.

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That's why we had to hire the real thing.

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Sorry, Penfold, I'm irreplaceable.

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Danger Mouse replacement into position.

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What?

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DM, you're a legend,

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but I can't risk you having to do your own stunts.

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But I like risk! I don't want to be pampered!

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If anyone wants me, I'll be in my trailer...

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..being pampered.

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Hmmm. Er, can you at least make this more dangerous by getting

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shampoo near my eye, or something?

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Emergency situation, DM!

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Hah! Colonel, I'm ready for anything.

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It's this poster for you movie -

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it hasn't been signed by the star.

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Ah-ha-ha-ha!

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Not you! Your co-star, Scarlett Johamster.

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I'm a huge fan.

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Don't worry, sir, I'll introduce you.

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Keep it under your moustache, but I think she's rather sweet on me.

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So, tell me about you, Penfold. I've never played a real hero before.

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There's not much to tell.

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When I'm not saving the world,

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I make jam and do jigsaws.

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Oh, you are so deep.

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-Arrgh!

-SPLAT!

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Scarlett, my dear, may I introduce you to Colonel K?

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HE MAKES ODD MUMBLING NOISE

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Colonel, don't you want to ask Scarlett for an autograph?

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Well, this was creepy.

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Excuse me, I have to go peel a friend off the side of my trailer.

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Oh, it's true what they say -

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never gawp and gurgle weirdly at your rivals.

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Sir, I've been trying to reach you.

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Sorry, Professor, it's the filming, you see.

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They needed me to turn off the global security nexus.

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But that leaves Earth completely defenceless!

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Yes, but the director said the sirens and flashing lights

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were distracting the actors.

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That's a red alert! What happened?

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Just some missing agents or some such.

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Did I tell you I met Scarlett Johamster?

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Colonel, we need to investigate!

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-Scarlett?

-The missing agents! Gah!

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Ah, it's you. I say, that's a realistic ray gun.

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What the blazes?

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No... NO!

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Hello? Anyone in here?

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I heard some noises.

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And not the usual kind.

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HE GASPS

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Colonel K?!

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PARP!

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Chief, something awful's happened!

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Good grief. Come on, Penfold, there's no time to lose.

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Good GRIEF. Come ON, Penfold, there's no time to lose.

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G-O-O-OD grief. COME on, Pen...

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Ah. I'm just not sure "good grief" is the sort of thing I'd say.

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Chief! Something's happened to Colonel K!

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Er, no, the next line is, "Something terrible's happened in the toilet."

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Something terrible HAS happened in the toilet.

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Ooh, nice energy, Penfold.

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Then I say, "Dr Lucifer!"

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Chief, you've got to listen!

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Mr Horsese needs you on set, Mr Mouse.

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Great notes, Penfold. Let's do the sewer scene when I get back.

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Chief! Wait!

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-THUMP!

-Arrgh!

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Penfold, stop lying around, there's an emergency.

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I must talk to Danger Mouse.

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Well, good luck!

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He can't think about anything apart from this stupid film!

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I knew this film would be a distraction from his duties,

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but I never thought for a second that he'd...

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-Whoa! Are those Scarlett's shoes?!

-Oh, not you, too!

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Professor, we have to do something before anyone

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else gets turned into a...

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Hah!

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PARP!

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HE SCREAMS

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Chief.

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Not Chief.

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Ah... Cut?

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Gah!

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Phew! Huh?

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CHIEF!

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Penfold!

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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Martin, do you think we could turn down this exciting music?

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I thought I heard some hamsterish wailing.

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Anything you want, DM.

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Sorry, I think you've turned it up.

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What? Turn it up?

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PENFOLD SCREAMS

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THEY GROWL

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Oh, crumbs!

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Hah?

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Chief? You came!

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Good grief, Penfold, of course I...

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Ooh, I do say "good grief".

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My hero.

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-Oh.

-PENFOLD GIGGLES

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-Sorry, have I missed something?

-Not much, Chief.

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Just our friends being turned into toilets!

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How could I have let this happen?

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Penfold, starring in this film has made me a fool.

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A handsome, heroic, highly-paid fool.

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But I'm back, and no-one else is getting turned into a toilet.

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-PARP!

-Starting now.

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Come on, Penfold.

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ROCK MUSIC PLAYS

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Waah!

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Ah-ha-ha!

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Hold tight, Penfold.

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Oh, right.

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-Oops.

-PENFOLD GASPS

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It's Martin Horsese!

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This is the movies, Danger Mouse.

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Nothing is as it seems!

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THEY GASP

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Dr Lucifer!

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The pine-fresh smell of victory!

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By keeping you distracted, I've been free to assemble

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the greatest army of toilets the world has ever seen!

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Now it's time to close the lid

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on the world's greatest secret agent.

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-Arrgh!

-Penfold!

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PARP!

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Come out, Danger Mouse.

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You know you can't beat...

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..the cistern!

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DR LUCIFER LAUGHS

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I've done it.

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My enemy has been wiped away by the twin ply of my genius

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and his own self-obsession.

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Soon we will flush away the old order,

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as I turn the world itself

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into a toilet!

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Arrgh!

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Looking for this?

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But...that's impossible!

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Sorry, Lucifer.

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Don't you know I'm too important to do my own stunts?

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Ohh!

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Toilets - flush him!

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Hah!

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You may have come out number one, Danger Mouse,

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but say goodbye to your number twos!

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LUCIFER LAUGHS

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Hmmm.

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Ohh...

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THEY CHEER

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THEY GROAN

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Lucifer, time you were taken to the cleaners.

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What are you talking about? You can't take the toilet to the...

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Waaah!

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Oh, thank goodness you're safe.

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Eww. Shower first, I think.

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-Oh, I didn't mean you.

-Oh!

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How about dinner tonight?

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Ha-ha-ha! Sorry, Scarlett.

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I'm afraid movies may have romantic endings,

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but that's not how it works for agents like Penfold and me.

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We already have a long-term relationship...

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..with a thing called saving the world.

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Penfold?

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See you later, Chief.

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And there we have it - finally, a proper happy ending,

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as Penfold and Scarlett drive off into the sunset...

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Oh, it's just a prop.

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Someone give them a hand.

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Join us next time for another blockbuster episode

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of Danger Mouse!

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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