Day of the Derek Danger Mouse

# He's the greatest

# He's fantastic

# Wherever there is danger he'll be there

# He's the ace

# He's amazing

# He's the strongest He's the quickest

# He's the best

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse! #

Space!

And our intrepid hero, Danger Mouse,

is allowing the Earth to be destroy...

Wait, what?!

That can't be right. Danger Mouse is the greatest. He's fantastic.

It says so in the theme song.

Nothing makes sense.

Up is down. Black is white.

Cheese is meat. How can we make sense of it all?!

Perhaps a trip many thousands of years forward in time will help?

I can't imagine why it would, though.

Curse you, Danger Mouse. Because of you, the world is gone.

Yes, in the distant future,

this floating rock is all that's left of the Earth.

And it's your fault I can never be with the girl I love.

You ruined my life that day.

The next exhibit here in the Let's Blame Danger Mouse Museum

is this Ding Dong Who Cares Time Machine.

No refunds.

Did you say "time machine"?

Meanwhile, back in the present day, the Earth has little idea

that it's about to be destroyed by the very person I called hero.

Huh?!

-Ha!

-Ah!

Oh, heck. Ah...!

Once again, I've saved the world. You're welcome.

What do you mean, saved the world? We were just getting lunch.

Ah, looks like we've got another time travel episode on our hands.

Hello, younger, unfortunate-looking me.

I'm nothing like you.

I'm Derek Mullard,

and I've come back in time to stop you destroying the world.

Future Fu.

Are you sure you've got the right chap?

I'm Danger Mouse.

Hello! I'm from the future.

You know, where stuff's already happened?! So I know about it.

Urgent news, DM. The world is in immediate danger...

Oh, I'm...I'm so sorry. You're busy, I'll wait.

Do excuse me, Derek.

World to save, and all that.

If I don't stop you by tea-time,

there'll be no world left.

Oh, heck!

Oh, poor chap. Hopelessly confused, but nothing to worry about.

Hope so, Chief. Time travel episodes really pickle my noggin.

Ahem, if you've nothing else on, DM,

that intergalactic swindler Quark

is selling off the Earth's best bits to the highest bidder.

Oh, no! Not Malta!

I was bidding on that.

Ahem...

Yes, yes, well, and, when he's done,

he's going to crush all the boring bits that are left

and sell them for scrap.

He's destroying the world.

Didn't Derek Mullard say something about

YOU destroying the world, Chief?

Well, there you are, he got it all wrong.

It's QUARK who wants to destroy the world

and it's ME who is going to stop him.

Yes, but maybe we should be careful...

Blah, blah, blah...

Come on, Penfold.

Whaaa!

Did you stop your evil ancestor destroying the world, my sweet?

I'm, um, making progress.

You must, or my father will never let us marry. No pressure!

But how can I stop him?

All I have is a room bursting with vintage weaponry.

HE GASPS

Is that the tingling of evil I feel,

passed down through the generations and awakening now in me?

Or do I just need the loo?

KERCHING!

Enjoy your Italy. Sure you don't want a France to go with that?

THEY LAUGH

Uh-oh, we got company!

We're closed! We're closed!

BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! BANG!

You're too late.

In 60 seconds, all that's left of the world will be crushed.

And then sold as a novelty paperweight.

EVIL LAUGHTER

Chief, 50 seconds!

Don't worry, Penfold. The Professor gave me this meteor magnet.

All we need to do is retreat to a safe distance and press this.

The nearest meteor will destroy the ship and stop the countdown.

-40 seconds.

-You're right.

We should probably wait 30 seconds just to keep it interesting.

# Bom-bom... #

Yes, and normally, I love waiting to the last second,

but man from the future, you destroying the world,

maybe we should get on with it, just to be on the safe side?!

All right, Penfold. Just this once.

There, see? There was nothing to worry about.

Now we'll just destroy Quark's ship and save the Earth.

Well, what's left of it, anyway.

Huh?

Derek Mullard?!

I won't let you press that button and destroy the Earth.

What are you talking about?

Pressing this button SAVES the Earth.

You don't get it. I've seen the future -

there's nothing left and you're responsible.

CLUCK!

Argh! Argh!

Derek, I don't know what you think is going to happen,

but Danger Mouse needs to press that button.

By the great Quark, you look just like her.

Please don't... Hang on, like who?

My Pennyfold.

Crumbs!

I knew I looked good in pink.

Penfold, it's not safe for you here.

'Ere, get off!

CLUCK!

See, there was no way I was going to let

the Earth get crushed, Penfold...

-What have you done with Penfold?

-I put him somewhere safe.

Now get away from that detonator, I won't let you destroy the Earth.

But it doesn't destroy the Earth! It destroys Quark's ship

and stops the countdown.

What?! Huh...

Where's Penfold?

I thought he'd be safe.

Penfo-o-o-o-ld!

No-o-o-o-o!

I let the Earth be destroyed.

I told you we should have taken Derek Mullard seriously!

You should've listened to me, Chief.

Oh, you told me I should've taken Derek Mullard seriously, Penfold.

I should've listened to you.

Yes, I just said that.

Sorry, Penfold, I wasn't listening to you.

I caused the very thing I was trying to prevent.

If only we could turn back time.

Er, Chief...?

Even if we had a time machine,

one person couldn't save the world on their own.

We'd need two of us.

-But there ARE two of us.

-Penfold, shush.

-I'm trying to learn the lesson that I should always listen to you.

-Oh!

Wait, we'll use the machine to go back in time and save the planet.

To be honest, I'm surprised you didn't come up with this, Penfold.

-B-b-b-b-but...

-Now, you go and catch Quark and hurry.

He's got a big head start.

Heh-heh-heh-heh!

Now time travel can get very confusing and highly technical.

So let's use these to identify us.

Now, in the past, the future, and the future past perfect.

Ooh, stickers!

-Penfold, it's not safe for you here!

-Here, get off!

Heads or tails to see who saves Penfold.

-Ah!

-You fix your mess, I'll fix mine.

I won't let you destroy the Earth!

But it doesn't destroy the Earth, it destroys Quark's ship

-and stops the countdown!

-What?! Huh...

Where's Penfold?

Penfo-o-o-o-o-ld!

Don't worry about that. Trust me.

ALARM WAILS

Oh, carrots!

Quick!

Penfold!

Coo-ee!

Would a refund help?

ALL: Hooray!

And so it was that everything worked out and no-one worried

if it made sense or not,

and Derek and Pennyfold were married.

Yay!

On this, my wedding day,

I must thank the one who made it all possible.

To my ancient ancestor, Danger Mouse.

-BOTH:

-Thank you.

-He means me, right?

-No, he means me.

-But I am you.

-No, but he said Danger Mouse.

-Danger Mouse is me.

-I really do NOT like these time travel episodes.

If only I could go back in time and stop it from being made.

It doesn't matter which one of you is responsible.

What's important is we're all here together.

Yes, we are. Though, hmm...

We did all that changing of the past...

Chief, don't...

So shouldn't that mean none of this will happen now?

POP! POP! POP! POP!

POP!

You really know how to ruin a wedding.

Join us next week, unless of course, we all disapp...

# He's the greatest

# He's fantastic

# Wherever there's danger he'll be there

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse

# Danger Mouse! #