Ernest Penfold and the Half-Price Wand Danger Mouse


Ernest Penfold and the Half-Price Wand

Animated series. Envious at Danger Mouse's ever-growing medal collection, Penfold falls under the spell of Quark's latest money-making scheme.


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Transcript


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PENFOLD SHRIEKS

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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# He's the ace, he's amazing

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# He's the strongest He's the quickest, he's the best

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Morning!

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And while most of us like to start the day with breakfast...

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WHOOSH!

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..Danger Mouse starts the day by saving the world from the evil

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Baron Silas Von Greenback!

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GREENBACK CACKLES

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Chief, we'll never diffuse them all in time! He's got us snookered!

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We could do with a Big Break all right! Deploy DangerCue!

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HE SCREAMS CRASH!

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KABOOM!

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Ha-ha!

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Huh?

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Special delivery, Chief!

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Hmm, ooh, very special, Penfold.

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From the Palace, no less.

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Put it with the others.

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PENFOLD SHRIEKS THEN WHIMPERS

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Oh, 'eck!

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Ooh! Is that one for me?

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Sorry, Penfold, this is one for rescuing you from the medals.

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PENFOLD SIGHS

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Don't get me wrong, Chief, I'm happy for you,

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but I can't help wondering, aren't I special too?

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Of course you are, Penfold!

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You...erm...!

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You make a really special cup of tea!

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Oh!

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SLURP

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HE SPLUTTERS AND GAGS

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Ah, I may have mixed up the sugar with the salt. Again.

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I'll be scrubbing the taste out of my mouth if you need me.

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Sugar, salt, sugar, salt.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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PENFOLD GASPS

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Cor, it's for me!

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Abracadabra and greetings to you, the one and only...

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Penfold.

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-What?

-You are the Chosen One, the Weaver of Illusion,

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-the Walker Under Wind...

-The Blah Blah Blah, get on with it!

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Behold! A completely exclusive gift just for you and nobody else -

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the Wand of Power, yours to wield for only 99.99!

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Cor!

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TOILET FLUSHES

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-I'm a wizard!

-Honestly, you can't leave him alone for a minute.

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Watch this! Tea-us makey-us!

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TEAPOT SMASHES

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Well, I'll admit that's a clever trick, but...

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What are you doing now?

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I'll probably need some time off work.

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I'm destined to embark on an epic quest against impossible odds!

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I'm special, I'm one of a kind!

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THEY GIGGLE

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Well, one thousand of a kind!

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TREE GROWLS

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MONKEY CACKLES

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I thought I was special.

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If Quark sells one to everyone, the whole planet will be in chaos.

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We need to put a...

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..to this. Exactly.

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-Quark, you have to stop selling these wands.

-Hey!

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Why d'you think it's me?

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Chief! That's Merlin's magic staff!

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Quark's shaving bits off and putting them in the wands!

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Three million units sold already to the Earth suckers.

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Who are you calling "suckers"? And do they come in red?

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-Penfold!

-Sorry, Chief.

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And don't worry, I'll deal with Quark using my wand.

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Quarkus bonkus on the head-us!

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WAND RATTLES

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Ha!

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You got a tiny bitty little piece of Merlin's staff,

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and I still got all this!

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-Heh-heh-heh!

-Quit fooling around and zap 'em!

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THEY SCREAM

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THEY SCREAM

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It's getting worse, Chief!

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How are we supposed to stop Quark while he's got Merlin's staff?

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We can't - but I know somebody who can.

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We need to find Merlin!

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Yes! This is the epic adventure I was destined for!

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Come, oh, fellowship of the wand! Let us depart and begin our quest!

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Many years shall it take us to fulfil our duties...

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Found him!

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Hmm, I always wondered what the Merlin's Tomb Finder app was for!

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Oh, Merlin!

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Wakey-us uppus!

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Speak to us, Merlin! Bless us with your ancient wisdom!

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HE YAWNS

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I think I might hit my snooze crystal.

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Cup of tea to perk you up, oh, great wizard?

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SLURP

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HE SPLUTTERS AND GAGS

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What kind of fool has put salt in my tea?

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That would be me, Mr Merlin, sir. Penfold!

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You might know me as the Chosen One,

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for I have travelled far and wide...

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You haven't seen a staff lying around here, have you?

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Actually, that's why we've come.

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Take a little nap for a couple of thousand years and this happens!

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MERLIN GASPS

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Automatic water wipers! No! That's real magic!

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Wait till he finds the splat cannons.

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Merlin, we need your help to stop the alien who's behind all this.

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-Ohh, tropical tutti frutti! Astounding!

-Help us!

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Yes, of course, but I can't fight that alien if he's got my staff.

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He's only got half of it. He put a splinter in each of the wands.

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What if we put all those splinters back together?

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Half of Merlin's staff in the hands of Merlin will be more than enough!

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Well done, Penfold. Time for a product recall.

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And, yea, it came to pass that

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Penfold, the Chosen One, did embark

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on a perilous journey to distant lands to retrieve the shards...!

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Oh, for goodness' sake,

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they fly around the world and collect the wands!

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Staffus!

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Erm, put-back-together-us?

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Ooh!

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KABOOM! THEY SCREAM

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There is an evil mage to deal with!

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-MERLIN SNAPS A PHOTO

-Merlin!

-Merlin!

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Oh! Ha-ha! Right... To battle!

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It's over, Quark.

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Go on, Merlin.

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Deal with Quark and then you can play with the phone!

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Ah-ha! There!

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Now hand over the phone.

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Eh, you like phones, huh?

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-Well, you come work for me and you have one all to yourself.

-Huh?

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And you can have...

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..this electronic toothbrush!

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-TOOTHBRUSH WHIRS

-Ha-ha-ha!

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-Oh, come on, he won't sell out the planet for a used toothbrush.

-Ohh!

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Rechargeable, three-speed, and also a tooth-broom!

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Ohhhhh!

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-Oh, 'eck!

-Well, that's a setback.

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Now to make some real money!

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QUARK CHUCKLES

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I'm sorry, Chief.

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If I hadn't been so obsessed with feeling special

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none of this would have happened.

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You guys must be thirsty!

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QUARK CACKLES

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Hmm, thirsty.

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How about a nice cup of tea, Quark?

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Oh, don't mind if I do!

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HE SPLUTTERS

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It's like drinking the sea!

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Ha! Great work, Penfold!

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Backus to normalus!

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Phew! Just in time, Chief. I think I was about to flower!

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Er, now let's be reasonable about this.

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I never seen this guy before in my life!

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I want my lawyer!

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THEY CHUCKLE

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Sorry about the piggy bank planets thing.

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I got a bit carried away with all the gadgets.

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Just give me the staff and I'll put an end to all this magic.

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Actually, I think saving the universe

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might be someone else's destiny.

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Penfold, I choose you!

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You mean, I AM the Chosen One?

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You'll always be special to me.

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I, Penfold the Brown, do banish all foul magic henceforth.

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-You're talking funny again.

-A thousand apologies, oh, Mousey One!

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Oh, go on, just this once.

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See you in another thousand years,

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or when it's time to upgrade my smartphone.

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Ah-ha!

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What a ninny!

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-Penfold, did you by any chance keep Merlin's staff?

-What gave me away?

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# He's the greatest, he's fantastic

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# Wherever there is danger He'll be there

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse

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# Danger Mouse! #

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Envious at Danger Mouse's ever-growing medal collection, Penfold questions whether he will ever be deemed special enough to receive a prize of his own. Seconds later, a knock at the door reveals a holographic Quark, who anoints Penfold as 'the chosen one' in a suspiciously automated message that culminates in an overawed Penfold receiving his very own magic wand. Penfold's joy is short-lived however - as he and DM step outside of HQ to find that the streets of are London teeming with hundreds of wannabe wizards, all brandishing identical wands. After discovering that the wands are mass-produced shavings from Merlin's legendary staff, the pair set out to stop Quark's latest money-making scheme by reuniting the staff with its rightful owner.