Sister Act Dani's House


Sister Act

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Transcript


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-It's only a visit, how bad can he be?

-Awful! You don't know my brother.

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He's always going on about himself, how fantastic he is.

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We're so different, it's hard to believe were related.

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Oh, no, he's here.

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-Zark, I'd like you to meet my brother.

-Administrator Zang.

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-Since when are you an administrator?

-Since I got promoted.

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I'm sure I sent you a message.

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-Prove it.

-Prove I didn't.

-I will.

-So will I.

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BOTH: Where are my galactaphone goggles?

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Can you please squabble quietly? Dani's House is on.

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Oh! Dani's House, my favourite.

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That's MY chair!

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-Well, I'm a guest.

-Exactly, you should bring your own chair.

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-No, I shouldn't.

-Yes, you should.

-No, I shouldn't.

-Yes, you should!

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-No, I shouldn't.

-Yes, you should!

-No, I shouldn't.

-Quiet!

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Hey, my name is Dani and this...

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Is your best friend, Jack.

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Thanks. My name is Dani and this...

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Is her brother, Max.

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And his best friend, Ben.

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As I was saying, my name is Dani

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-and this...

-Is her friend, Ruby.

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-And I'm her sister, Maisy.

-I'm Dani

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and this is the brilliant...

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THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE

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SHE BLOWS A WHISTLE

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THEY LAUGH

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SHE PLAYS OUT OF TUNE

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No, no, no! You're playing it all wrong.

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A trill goes like this.

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This is boring.

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Is it low blood sugar time already? OK, snack break. Sweet or savoury?

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Oh, my hair's caught! Agh! Use your big sister tool belt.

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Careful, I'm a precious commodity. After that rough handling,

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-I'm going to need...

-Both, sweet and savoury. You always do.

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Look, I know this is hard,

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but the family reunion's only a few days away

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and we need to make this duet perfect.

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-You do want to outshine Cousin Henry, right?

-Of course.

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Ever since he stole the ham from my ham sandwich

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for his Lady Gaga outfit, I've been waiting to get him back.

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Good, because if my spies are right,

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we have stiff competition - he's doing Glee!

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-Which character?

-All of them!

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He's given up sleeping to learn all the songs.

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So, let's get practising. And concentrate this time, OK?

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You're the one that keeps stopping. I'm totally focused on...

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-PHONE BEEPS

-Oh, a text!

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-Hey, Serena. Really? Uh-huh.

-SHOUTING

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Oh, can you hang on a sec?

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Can you keep the noise down in here?

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Some of us are on important phone calls.

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Sorry, squabbling siblings, you know how it is.

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Luckily, mine's at an air guitar convention.

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So don't worry, I've got all day to prepare for our scene tonight,

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and there's no way my meddling toe rag of a brother can ruin...

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My script!

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What? No, there's nothing wrong with my script,

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I was just admiring the font. OK, got to go, bye!

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"Use my hair gel again and it won't be your script I'll ice next. Max."

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Max!

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You can't glue me to this chair, I have rights! I want my lawyer!

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You're not being arrested.

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-I just need to keep you here long enough to learn the duet.

-OK.

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-But can I do the opening?

-You'll never learn it in time.

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Just because you were born before me doesn't make you the boss of me.

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-Actually, it does.

-You're the worst sister in the whole world.

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-No, I think you'll find you are.

-Am not!

-Are too!

-Am not!

-Are too!

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OK, stop!

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Let's just get the duet sorted and then we can go our separate ways.

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-OK?

-Can I do the opening?

-No!

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-Then I'm off!

-Maisy, come back here!

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Tied your shoelaces!

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See you later, boring gator.

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A real freezer prank. One of my favourites.

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Shame my piano wouldn't fit in the fridge.

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Why would you want to freeze a piano?

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To annoy my annoying older sister.

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Hey, this is good work. Max?

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Do you know any other evil spawns from hell living here?

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-Argh!

-You're never going to get it out that way.

-Got any better ideas?

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What are you going to do, bake me up another script?

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No, I'm going to bake the one you already have.

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Yo! What up, doll? You want to get down? Hang? Chillax?

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Sorry, too much time alone watching MTV Cribs.

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Needed to get out of the house. Fancy doing something?

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I can't, I have to practise this duet for the family reunion.

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Seeing as Maisy's bolted, looks like I'll be doing both parts.

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Anything in the rules that say both parts have to be piano?

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There aren't any rules, it's a family reunion. It's just for fun.

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And to wipe Cousin Henry's smug smirk off his face.

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Then I think I can help.

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Ten minutes on a low heat and that script will be as dry and crisp

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-as a piece of toast.

-Are you sure? I don't want it to come out looking

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like one of my mum's overdone roasts.

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I practically invented the freezer prank,

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you think I don't know how to fix it?

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Oh, thanks, Maisy.

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It's just I've got this big scene to learn, the kind that wins trophies.

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Get it right and SpongeBob SquarePants will be up

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for some competition at the TV awards next week.

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-Oh, sounds exciting.

-It is.

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Hey, why don't you give me a hand with the read-through? It'll be fun.

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-You'd let me do something fun? For free?

-Sure!

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Why can't we choose who our big sisters and brothers are?

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So, what can we do for you today?

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-I'm on the market for a new older brother or sister.

-Excellent!

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We have some fine choices just come in today.

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We need to make this duet perfect.

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Too boring.

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What up? You want to get down? Hang? Chillax?

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Too excitable.

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Will you give me a hand with the read-through? It'll be fun.

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Perfect. I'll take this one.

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Excellent! A very, very good choice.

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Oh, just one thing, she's not... SHE SCREAMS

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..housetrained.

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Don't spare my feelings, nurse. How bad is it?

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I can't lie, it's bad!

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You've got no brain. I'm surprised you're still alive!

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SHE COUGHS

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No!

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-That's the best fun I've had in ages.

-And, thanks to you, I am now

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word perfect, so I can spend the rest of the day on me time.

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A little pampering, a little relaxing,

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a lot of mentally preparing.

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Oh, that sounds fun. Let me get my teddy, I can't relax without him.

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Thanks, but it's called me time for a reason.

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Oh, OK.

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You want to be on your own, I understand.

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Well, maybe there is something you can do.

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PIANO AND ELECTRONIC MUSIC

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HE BEAT BOXES

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You are a star for doing this. I've been meaning to try

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this home hair treatment since Taylor wrote a blog about it.

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-Oh, he has gorgeous hair.

-Oh, he does, doesn't he?

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But every time I made it, I ended up eating it.

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No problemo, I just mixed all the ingredients together -

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honey, olive oil, avocado, coconut suntan oil...

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Don't you mean coconut oil? There's a big difference.

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Sure, coconut oil, I totally meant that.

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-I suppose I better go find Maisy.

-I thought you two had fallen out.

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We have. If she was anyone else, I'd run the other way,

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but when my dear little sister gets mad, she also gets clumsy,

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and I'd hate for her to destroy Dani's house, or worse...

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What's worse than that?

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No idea, but knowing Maisy, she'd do it.

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This is my costume for tonight, what do you think?

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Nursey, in a good way.

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I guess nursey is good, but itchy isn't.

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Oh, you don't want to do that.

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The last time I pulled a label off, I unraveled the whole top.

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Luckily, it wasn't one of Ruby's favourites.

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Here, let me.

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Are you sure you can do this? It's just that scissors

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and small people don't tend to mix well in my experience.

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Oh, don't worry, I'm super careful. I...

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All done?

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-Well, the label's definitely off.

-Great!

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-All that's left to do now is my makeup.

-Oh, can I do it?

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-Yeah, why not? Come on.

-Great.

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I like hanging out with you, Dani, you understand me.

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Ruby is always making me do boring stuff like homework and chores

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and throwing away food I find on the floor.

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Oh, man! Who knew playing piano would be such hard work?

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I'm not sure that constitutes playing, but it was impressive.

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So we should stick to me on the decks and you on the piano?

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Yeah, probably for the best.

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It might be dangerous playing that wildly in front of Uncle Bob.

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-Weak heart?

-Weak bladder.

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So, you need a stand-in older sister that can sing and dance?

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Well, look no further.

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I owe you for saving my script, so I'm all yours until then.

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Thanks, Dani. You won't regret it.

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Especially when you see what I've done with your makeup.

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SHE SCREAMS

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The eyes!

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Oh! My costume!

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A little accident.

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My hair! It's stuck. What have you done?

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I may have got some of the ingredients mixed up.

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What with, concrete?

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I look like Frankenstein's monster on a bad hair day.

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I know the drill, go ahead and scream.

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It's OK, I know you meant well.

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All I have to do is wash this out in the bath

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and hope my hair recovers.

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Thanks, Dani, you're the best.

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-And you'll still do the performance?

-Yeah.

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Just make sure you don't touch anything until I get back, OK?

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-Delicious! So, Maisy's replaced you with Dani then?

-It looks that way.

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I just hope Dani knows what she's letting herself in for.

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Have you not met Max?

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I think anyone can sniff out a foul sibling, it's Dani.

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-You make a good point.

-You know,

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I've often wondered what it would be like to have a brother or sister.

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Oh, take mine.

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-I'll even throw in a few DVDs. It's a good deal.

-Very funny.

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I know you and Dani always complain about Max and Maisy,

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but it's so lonely sometimes being an only child.

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At least you're not constantly worrying about someone else.

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Like now, I'm itching to stop you from eating that unhealthy sandwich

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and you're not even my brother.

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What? This is super healthy. It's got all the food groups -

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carbs, protein,

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dairy and veg.

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-How do jellybeans qualify as veg?

-Hello, the clue is in the name.

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Jellybean. Everyone knows beans are a veg.

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What? Hey! I take it back, it rocks being an only child!

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You can eat what you want, when you want, how you want.

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THEY LAUGH

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My brother's always bossing me about. "Tidy my room.

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"Make my lunch. Trim my nose hair."

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-Don't do it then.

-I try! But he has a clever way of tricking me.

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Like the time he got me to wear his pants so they'd be nice

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and warm by pretending they'd give me superpowers.

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-Ew!

-Don't worry, I'm wise to his ways now.

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You won't catch me doing his chores any more.

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-Then why are you doing his laundry?

-This isn't laundry,

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this is a special consignment for a secret mission on Sector 234...

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He's done it again, hasn't he?

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Then I thought I'd jump out and you could catch me

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on your head for the end of the scene, what do you think?

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Dani?

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You've been in the bath for almost an hour.

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I've been talking to you the whole time and you haven't said a word.

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Are you all right?

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Well, I hope you haven't drowned, but if you have,

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can I have your bedroom? Mine's tiny.

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Dani!

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Good, you're alive. Relaxing bath?

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-I thought we could talk about our performance.

-Yep.

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-Just give me a second to change and I will be right out.

-OK.

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I thought you were getting changed.

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I was going to...

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-How did you get in here?

-So, I've written out some ideas.

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-Is that my top?

-Yep.

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Ruby's clothes are so boring. It's like a gym shop in her closet.

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I hope you don't mind.

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It just looked so amazing on you, I had to try it on.

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-Well...

-It makes a change hanging out with someone stylish.

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-Well, I guess it's OK.

-Thanks, Dani.

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Ruby never lets me borrow anything of hers.

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I can't think why.

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If you're going to perform at my family reunion,

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you need to learn who my family are.

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That's not a family, that's a phonebook.

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There's hundreds of you.

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55, including one great-aunt and a couple of long-lost cousins.

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And you expect me to learn them? Forget it!

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I sometimes forget my own name, how am I supposed to remember theirs?

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Don't worry, I've devised an easy rhyme. You'll pick it up in no time.

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-Wait, I need something to help me remember.

-Of course.

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-What, pens, paper?

-A snack.

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-We just had lunch half an hour ago.

-Yeah, I know, I'm starving.

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Enjoying your Max-free day?

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If having my privacy invaded, my favourite top ruined

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and my bath time serenaded with a high-pitch chatterbox

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counts as enjoyment, then, yeah, I'm having a blast.

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Yeah, I heard you inherited a new sibling.

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I thought with Max away, things would be less crazy.

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-Who was I kidding?

-I hear you.

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I dropped by in search of fun and ended up being Ruby's star pupil.

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Man, she's strict! There's even an exam at the end of it!

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Hey, do you want me to cut class and come rescue you?

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I think I can handle one little girl. I mean, how bad can she be?

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-OK, good luck coping with Maisy.

-Right back at you with Ruby.

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What did you mean, coping with Maisy?

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Oh, it's an in-joke.

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We say coping when we actually mean have fun.

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OK. So, I thought we could start the performance with a tap dance.

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-Have you done something different to your hair?

-Oh, you noticed?

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I borrowed some of your hair products.

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Oh, that reminds me, you need some more spray, hair gel,

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shampoo and conditioner.

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Hope that's OK.

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You have such amazing, shiny hair,

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especially since you washed my treatment out.

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It looks great.

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-It does?

-Absolument.

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And I thought if my hair looked as amazing as yours,

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then I, too, could look like a supermodel.

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-You think I look like a supermodel?

-Doesn't everyone?

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Why do I get the feeling I'm not in control here?

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Come on! Come on! Good Dani. Does Dani want a biscuit?

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Well, Dani can have a biscuit after she fetches the stick.

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Go on!

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Such a good doggie.

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So, I dance across the floor...

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-..do a twirl, then I hop on the chair.

-That's great!

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Maybe we can incorporate something modern into it,

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like a body pop or something.

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-We won't because you're not dancing.

-I'm not?

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Nope, you'll be on the floor.

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After I jump off the chair, open the umbrella, float a bit,

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then you catch me.

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I don't know, sounds like a lot could go wrong, mainly for me.

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Let's give it a go. If it doesn't work, we can try some of your ideas.

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That's if I survive your idea.

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-Ready?

-Not really, but...

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STOMPING

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STOMPING

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What am I doing?

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I think that went well, don't you?

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Dani?

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Dani? Dani?

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Dani, where are you?

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Dani! Oh, Dani!

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Here comes Uncle Jim and Auntie Jen. They have three - Ruth, Sam and Ben.

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Next comes cousins Dex and Jake. They're twins and thin as rakes.

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Dex, Jake, twins called Rake. Got it.

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No, silly, the rakes aren't twins, Dex and Jake are.

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Who are the rakes? Oh, wait, they're Uncle Mike and Auntie June.

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Or is that Auntie Jane? Oh, man, I can't keep up.

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You're doing brilliantly. Maisy took so long to learn the rhyme,

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we had four new relatives by the time she did.

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-THEY LAUGH

-Maisy...

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Dani!

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-CHEERING

-Dani, where are you?

0:17:430:17:47

There you are. I can't believe you hid from me. So uncool.

0:17:510:17:54

Even Ruby wouldn't pull something as lame as that.

0:17:540:17:57

That's because she's offloaded you onto me.

0:17:570:17:59

Look, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to find someone else

0:17:590:18:03

-to perform with.

-But you've got to do it, I helped you with your lines.

0:18:030:18:05

I know, and I'm grateful, but there's a limit to how much

0:18:050:18:08

I can help you, and getting my head flattened is it.

0:18:080:18:10

But you're so clever, and talented...

0:18:110:18:14

Cut the charm offensive, it won't work any more.

0:18:140:18:17

Why are you being so mean?

0:18:170:18:19

All I want to do is have a little tap routine in front of my family!

0:18:190:18:23

But I can't do it without you.

0:18:230:18:25

Oh, you are good, but Max is a master manipulator,

0:18:270:18:30

I know when I'm being played.

0:18:300:18:32

I'm disappointed in you, Dani, I thought you were different.

0:18:320:18:36

Sorry, but work is important,

0:18:360:18:37

and right now, that's what I need to focus on.

0:18:370:18:39

I knew you were easily distracted by trifle matters

0:18:390:18:43

like a successful career, but I hoped it wouldn't come to this.

0:18:430:18:46

Good luck with that big scene tonight.

0:18:460:18:48

I just hope you don't need your script.

0:18:480:18:51

What have you done with it?

0:18:510:18:52

Let's just say it might take a little longer to read.

0:18:520:18:55

If you've frozen it, I'll just cook it again.

0:18:550:18:57

Bet you regret sharing that secret with me now.

0:18:570:18:59

Do I look like an amateur?

0:18:590:19:01

-My script!

-Like I said, it might take a little longer to read.

0:19:050:19:10

But I'm sure in a week, maybe two, you'll have it all pieced together.

0:19:100:19:13

But I need it for tonight! It's my only copy!

0:19:130:19:16

SHE GROWLS

0:19:170:19:19

Come here!

0:19:190:19:21

-SHE SCREAMS

-Stop! Stop! Stop!

0:19:210:19:26

I would help out, but these are brand-new trainers

0:19:300:19:34

and it looks dangerous in there.

0:19:340:19:37

I'm sure they'll work it out.

0:19:370:19:38

Wait! I made a copy of your script.

0:19:460:19:50

So, here's the deal.

0:19:500:19:53

We practise our routine until it's perfect,

0:19:530:19:54

then you can have your script back.

0:19:540:19:57

Good to have you back, sis.

0:19:590:20:01

-Right, where were we?

-I was giving you the date of my family reunion.

0:20:020:20:06

Ah, yes.

0:20:060:20:08

SHE COUGHS

0:20:080:20:09

So my social life's a little slow, it'll pick up.

0:20:090:20:13

At least I don't have to worry about you being busy next Thursday.

0:20:130:20:16

Monday free, Tuesday free, Wednesday free, Thursday is not free.

0:20:160:20:21

-What?

-I'm sorry, but Thursday is Jack Day.

-What is Jack Day?

0:20:210:20:26

Every month, my parents and I spend a day where I do anything I want.

0:20:260:20:30

It's so awesome. Last time, we spent four hours watching turtles

0:20:300:20:33

play ping-pong.

0:20:330:20:35

They had these little sweatbands around their heads...

0:20:350:20:39

I'll plug in my phone, so we can practise to some music.

0:20:390:20:41

I've got some wicked tunes.

0:20:410:20:43

-Oh, I need help! My hair's caught!

-So you do.

0:20:450:20:50

Shall I call the police, or an ambulance?

0:20:500:20:52

Stop mucking around,

0:20:520:20:53

just use something from your big sister tool belt.

0:20:530:20:55

-Big sister tool belt?

-You know, like Ruby has.

0:20:550:20:58

Oh, that big sister tool belt! Bad luck, I don't have one.

0:20:580:21:03

But I know something we can use.

0:21:030:21:05

-Oh!

-My bag, you ruined it!

-So I have, oops!

0:21:120:21:18

Come on, let's get this over and done with.

0:21:180:21:21

Can you change the date?

0:21:210:21:23

It's the only day they're both off work,

0:21:230:21:24

can't you change the family reunion?

0:21:240:21:27

organising another date when 55 people are all free

0:21:270:21:29

will take until next year's reunion.

0:21:290:21:31

Oh, well. It looks like I'm back to playing the duet by myself.

0:21:310:21:34

-You will catch me, right?

-You're the boss.

0:21:370:21:40

-PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

0:21:510:21:53

Rudy! Oh, wow!

0:21:550:21:57

Hey, that was an important phone call!

0:21:570:22:00

-I was about to get free broadband.

-We need to focus.

0:22:000:22:02

We're never going to outshine Cousin Henry if we don't get this right.

0:22:020:22:05

Read my lips, I don't care.

0:22:050:22:08

It's clearly low blood sugar time.

0:22:080:22:11

Get out the snacks, I'll have savoury.

0:22:110:22:13

-You want a snack, the kitchen's that way.

-That's it!

0:22:130:22:16

You don't have a big sister tool belt, you're not concentrating

0:22:160:22:20

on our performance and you don't even carry snacks?

0:22:200:22:22

This isn't working, I'm better off on my own.

0:22:220:22:27

-Hey, what about my script?

-Look in the fridge.

0:22:270:22:30

"Enjoy your script. It's mango and mustard flavour."

0:22:410:22:44

I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait for Max to come home.

0:22:440:22:47

-Practice is going well then.

-Sorry, miles away. How's Maisy?

-No idea.

0:22:580:23:02

I got fired when she realised Godzilla would make a better

0:23:020:23:05

older sister.

0:23:050:23:06

Oh, good! For you, I mean. She can be a handful.

0:23:060:23:10

Hope she didn't cause too much damage.

0:23:100:23:11

-Nothing my insurance won't cover.

-Younger brothers and sisters, eh?

0:23:110:23:14

You know what they say -

0:23:140:23:15

you can't live with them, you can't send them back.

0:23:150:23:17

Well, thanks for looking after her,

0:23:170:23:19

but I better go grab her before she ropes another poor sucker in.

0:23:190:23:22

You might be too late on that score.

0:23:220:23:24

So let me get this straight, you're looking for an older brother.

0:23:240:23:27

That's right, someone cool, hip, streetwise.

0:23:270:23:30

-Mango and mustard, it's my fave.

-Basically, someone just like you.

0:23:310:23:35

-And you'll let me eat whatever I want?

-You're confusing me with Ruby.

0:23:350:23:38

I'm the fun one. You can pig out whenever you want, bro.

0:23:380:23:41

Bro?

0:23:410:23:43

-I like the sound of that. Say it again.

-Bro.

0:23:430:23:46

-Bro. OK, I'm in.

-Excelente!

0:23:460:23:50

So, as your bro, I should probably give you some kind of nickname.

0:23:500:23:54

You know, something cute like Little M or Mai-Z.

0:23:540:23:58

I'm not sure about nicknames, but we can discuss it later.

0:23:580:24:01

-Right, now, we need to focus on...

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

0:24:010:24:03

-Why are you grabbing my crisps?

-That's what siblings do, share.

0:24:030:24:06

A wise dude once said there are three things you should never do in life.

0:24:060:24:10

Plays chess with a monkey, clip your toenails in public,

0:24:100:24:13

-and share your food.

-What wise dude said that?

0:24:130:24:15

Well, it was... Well, I forget now, OK?

0:24:150:24:19

But that's not the point.

0:24:190:24:20

The point is, I've never done those things

0:24:200:24:22

and I'm not about to start now.

0:24:220:24:24

Sorry, deal's off.

0:24:240:24:25

OK, snack break. Sweet or savoury?

0:24:330:24:36

That's great, Maisy.

0:24:480:24:50

Such a great idea to combine the piano duet with a tap routine.

0:25:070:25:10

I'm the brains of the family. That opening bit was dead boring.

0:25:100:25:14

-That was fun.

-It was.

0:25:200:25:22

And there's no way Cousin Henry's Glee medley will beat that.

0:25:220:25:25

Exactly.

0:25:250:25:26

-Ice cream?

-Oh, you read my mind!

0:25:260:25:28

-Hey, Rubes.

-Yeah?

-I kind of missed having you around.

0:25:310:25:34

Not like a lot or anything, but it's just good to have

0:25:340:25:38

your big sister tool belt in case of emergencies.

0:25:380:25:41

But it still doesn't make you the boss of me.

0:25:410:25:43

Whatever you say, little sis. Oh...

0:25:430:25:46

Come on.

0:25:480:25:49

-'How are you today?

-Don't spare my feelings now...'

0:25:520:25:57

-Oh, how's Dani's big scene?

-She's on fire, come see.

0:25:570:26:00

'I can't lie, it's bad!

0:26:000:26:03

-'You've got no brain! I'm surprised you're still alive!

-Oh! Oh!'

0:26:030:26:08

HE COUGHS

0:26:080:26:11

'No!'

0:26:140:26:18

Wow, that was like really, really deep.

0:26:210:26:25

Dani's bound to win at the TV awards tonight.

0:26:250:26:26

I can't believe she's taking Max as her plus one.

0:26:260:26:29

I guess having me around made her realise how cute

0:26:290:26:31

and cuddly us little siblings can be.

0:26:310:26:33

Somehow, I doubt it.

0:26:330:26:35

Let's go, before the war of the crisps breaks out again.

0:26:380:26:41

Tsk, share my crisps!

0:26:460:26:47

I had no idea that having a sibling would require so much sacrifice.

0:26:470:26:50

Another great episode of Dani's House!

0:26:580:27:00

Don't you think, Commander Zang...?

0:27:000:27:02

I should have never let my brother talk me into playing games.

0:27:020:27:06

He always cheats!

0:27:060:27:07

-You two are like peas in a pod.

-Take that back!

0:27:070:27:11

He's a stickler for tidiness, he's super competitive,

0:27:110:27:14

and he cheats at games, just like you.

0:27:140:27:15

That may be, but I bet he can't do this.

0:27:150:27:20

HE YODELS

0:27:200:27:22

'Oh, OK. My go.'

0:27:310:27:33

HE YODELS

0:27:330:27:37

'Don't stop, let's do the next verse, too!'

0:27:430:27:46

HE WEEPS

0:27:460:27:48

# Sometimes, I feel like breaking free

0:27:480:27:53

# Let's lift these chains

0:27:530:27:55

# Let's rock this wave right out to sea

0:27:550:28:00

# I will be...

0:28:000:28:04

# Breaking free. #

0:28:040:28:05

E-mail [email protected]

0:28:050:28:08

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