Sister Act Dani's House

-It's only a visit, how bad can he be?

-Awful! You don't know my brother.

He's always going on about himself, how fantastic he is.

We're so different, it's hard to believe were related.

Oh, no, he's here.

-Zark, I'd like you to meet my brother.

-Administrator Zang.

-Since when are you an administrator?

-Since I got promoted.

I'm sure I sent you a message.

-Prove it.

-Prove I didn't.

-I will.

-So will I.

BOTH: Where are my galactaphone goggles?

Can you please squabble quietly? Dani's House is on.

Oh! Dani's House, my favourite.

That's MY chair!

-Well, I'm a guest.

-Exactly, you should bring your own chair.

-No, I shouldn't.

-Yes, you should.

-No, I shouldn't.

-Yes, you should!

-No, I shouldn't.

-Yes, you should!

-No, I shouldn't.

-Quiet!

Hey, my name is Dani and this...

Is your best friend, Jack.

Thanks. My name is Dani and this...

Is her brother, Max.

And his best friend, Ben.

As I was saying, my name is Dani

-and this...

-Is her friend, Ruby.

-And I'm her sister, Maisy.

-I'm Dani

and this is the brilliant...

THEY ALL TALK AT ONCE

SHE BLOWS A WHISTLE

THEY LAUGH

SHE PLAYS OUT OF TUNE

No, no, no! You're playing it all wrong.

A trill goes like this.

This is boring.

Is it low blood sugar time already? OK, snack break. Sweet or savoury?

Oh, my hair's caught! Agh! Use your big sister tool belt.

Careful, I'm a precious commodity. After that rough handling,

-I'm going to need...

-Both, sweet and savoury. You always do.

Look, I know this is hard,

but the family reunion's only a few days away

and we need to make this duet perfect.

-You do want to outshine Cousin Henry, right?

-Of course.

Ever since he stole the ham from my ham sandwich

for his Lady Gaga outfit, I've been waiting to get him back.

Good, because if my spies are right,

we have stiff competition - he's doing Glee!

-Which character?

-All of them!

He's given up sleeping to learn all the songs.

So, let's get practising. And concentrate this time, OK?

You're the one that keeps stopping. I'm totally focused on...

-PHONE BEEPS

-Oh, a text!

-Hey, Serena. Really? Uh-huh.

-SHOUTING

Oh, can you hang on a sec?

Can you keep the noise down in here?

Some of us are on important phone calls.

Sorry, squabbling siblings, you know how it is.

Luckily, mine's at an air guitar convention.

So don't worry, I've got all day to prepare for our scene tonight,

and there's no way my meddling toe rag of a brother can ruin...

My script!

What? No, there's nothing wrong with my script,

I was just admiring the font. OK, got to go, bye!

"Use my hair gel again and it won't be your script I'll ice next. Max."

Max!

You can't glue me to this chair, I have rights! I want my lawyer!

You're not being arrested.

-I just need to keep you here long enough to learn the duet.

-OK.

-But can I do the opening?

-You'll never learn it in time.

Just because you were born before me doesn't make you the boss of me.

-Actually, it does.

-You're the worst sister in the whole world.

-No, I think you'll find you are.

-Am not!

-Are too!

-Am not!

-Are too!

OK, stop!

Let's just get the duet sorted and then we can go our separate ways.

-OK?

-Can I do the opening?

-No!

-Then I'm off!

-Maisy, come back here!

Tied your shoelaces!

See you later, boring gator.

A real freezer prank. One of my favourites.

Shame my piano wouldn't fit in the fridge.

Why would you want to freeze a piano?

To annoy my annoying older sister.

Hey, this is good work. Max?

Do you know any other evil spawns from hell living here?

-Argh!

-You're never going to get it out that way.

-Got any better ideas?

What are you going to do, bake me up another script?

No, I'm going to bake the one you already have.

Yo! What up, doll? You want to get down? Hang? Chillax?

Sorry, too much time alone watching MTV Cribs.

Needed to get out of the house. Fancy doing something?

I can't, I have to practise this duet for the family reunion.

Seeing as Maisy's bolted, looks like I'll be doing both parts.

Anything in the rules that say both parts have to be piano?

There aren't any rules, it's a family reunion. It's just for fun.

And to wipe Cousin Henry's smug smirk off his face.

Then I think I can help.

Ten minutes on a low heat and that script will be as dry and crisp

-as a piece of toast.

-Are you sure? I don't want it to come out looking

like one of my mum's overdone roasts.

I practically invented the freezer prank,

you think I don't know how to fix it?

Oh, thanks, Maisy.

It's just I've got this big scene to learn, the kind that wins trophies.

Get it right and SpongeBob SquarePants will be up

for some competition at the TV awards next week.

-Oh, sounds exciting.

-It is.

Hey, why don't you give me a hand with the read-through? It'll be fun.

-You'd let me do something fun? For free?

-Sure!

Why can't we choose who our big sisters and brothers are?

So, what can we do for you today?

-I'm on the market for a new older brother or sister.

-Excellent!

We have some fine choices just come in today.

We need to make this duet perfect.

Too boring.

What up? You want to get down? Hang? Chillax?

Too excitable.

Will you give me a hand with the read-through? It'll be fun.

Perfect. I'll take this one.

Excellent! A very, very good choice.

Oh, just one thing, she's not... SHE SCREAMS

..housetrained.

Don't spare my feelings, nurse. How bad is it?

I can't lie, it's bad!

You've got no brain. I'm surprised you're still alive!

SHE COUGHS

No!

-That's the best fun I've had in ages.

-And, thanks to you, I am now

word perfect, so I can spend the rest of the day on me time.

A little pampering, a little relaxing,

a lot of mentally preparing.

Oh, that sounds fun. Let me get my teddy, I can't relax without him.

Thanks, but it's called me time for a reason.

Oh, OK.

You want to be on your own, I understand.

Well, maybe there is something you can do.

PIANO AND ELECTRONIC MUSIC

HE BEAT BOXES

You are a star for doing this. I've been meaning to try

this home hair treatment since Taylor wrote a blog about it.

-Oh, he has gorgeous hair.

-Oh, he does, doesn't he?

But every time I made it, I ended up eating it.

No problemo, I just mixed all the ingredients together -

honey, olive oil, avocado, coconut suntan oil...

Don't you mean coconut oil? There's a big difference.

Sure, coconut oil, I totally meant that.

-I suppose I better go find Maisy.

-I thought you two had fallen out.

We have. If she was anyone else, I'd run the other way,

but when my dear little sister gets mad, she also gets clumsy,

and I'd hate for her to destroy Dani's house, or worse...

What's worse than that?

No idea, but knowing Maisy, she'd do it.

This is my costume for tonight, what do you think?

Nursey, in a good way.

I guess nursey is good, but itchy isn't.

Oh, you don't want to do that.

The last time I pulled a label off, I unraveled the whole top.

Luckily, it wasn't one of Ruby's favourites.

Here, let me.

Are you sure you can do this? It's just that scissors

and small people don't tend to mix well in my experience.

Oh, don't worry, I'm super careful. I...

All done?

-Well, the label's definitely off.

-Great!

-All that's left to do now is my makeup.

-Oh, can I do it?

-Yeah, why not? Come on.

-Great.

I like hanging out with you, Dani, you understand me.

Ruby is always making me do boring stuff like homework and chores

and throwing away food I find on the floor.

Oh, man! Who knew playing piano would be such hard work?

I'm not sure that constitutes playing, but it was impressive.

So we should stick to me on the decks and you on the piano?

Yeah, probably for the best.

It might be dangerous playing that wildly in front of Uncle Bob.

-Weak heart?

-Weak bladder.

So, you need a stand-in older sister that can sing and dance?

Well, look no further.

I owe you for saving my script, so I'm all yours until then.

Thanks, Dani. You won't regret it.

Especially when you see what I've done with your makeup.

SHE SCREAMS

The eyes!

Oh! My costume!

A little accident.

My hair! It's stuck. What have you done?

I may have got some of the ingredients mixed up.

What with, concrete?

I look like Frankenstein's monster on a bad hair day.

I know the drill, go ahead and scream.

It's OK, I know you meant well.

All I have to do is wash this out in the bath

and hope my hair recovers.

Thanks, Dani, you're the best.

-And you'll still do the performance?

-Yeah.

Just make sure you don't touch anything until I get back, OK?

-Delicious! So, Maisy's replaced you with Dani then?

-It looks that way.

I just hope Dani knows what she's letting herself in for.

Have you not met Max?

I think anyone can sniff out a foul sibling, it's Dani.

-You make a good point.

-You know,

I've often wondered what it would be like to have a brother or sister.

Oh, take mine.

-I'll even throw in a few DVDs. It's a good deal.

-Very funny.

I know you and Dani always complain about Max and Maisy,

but it's so lonely sometimes being an only child.

At least you're not constantly worrying about someone else.

Like now, I'm itching to stop you from eating that unhealthy sandwich

and you're not even my brother.

What? This is super healthy. It's got all the food groups -

carbs, protein,

dairy and veg.

-How do jellybeans qualify as veg?

-Hello, the clue is in the name.

Jellybean. Everyone knows beans are a veg.

What? Hey! I take it back, it rocks being an only child!

You can eat what you want, when you want, how you want.

THEY LAUGH

My brother's always bossing me about. "Tidy my room.

"Make my lunch. Trim my nose hair."

-Don't do it then.

-I try! But he has a clever way of tricking me.

Like the time he got me to wear his pants so they'd be nice

and warm by pretending they'd give me superpowers.

-Ew!

-Don't worry, I'm wise to his ways now.

You won't catch me doing his chores any more.

-Then why are you doing his laundry?

-This isn't laundry,

this is a special consignment for a secret mission on Sector 234...

He's done it again, hasn't he?

Then I thought I'd jump out and you could catch me

on your head for the end of the scene, what do you think?

Dani?

You've been in the bath for almost an hour.

I've been talking to you the whole time and you haven't said a word.

Are you all right?

Well, I hope you haven't drowned, but if you have,

can I have your bedroom? Mine's tiny.

Dani!

Good, you're alive. Relaxing bath?

-I thought we could talk about our performance.

-Yep.

-Just give me a second to change and I will be right out.

-OK.

I thought you were getting changed.

I was going to...

-How did you get in here?

-So, I've written out some ideas.

-Is that my top?

-Yep.

Ruby's clothes are so boring. It's like a gym shop in her closet.

I hope you don't mind.

It just looked so amazing on you, I had to try it on.

-Well...

-It makes a change hanging out with someone stylish.

-Well, I guess it's OK.

-Thanks, Dani.

Ruby never lets me borrow anything of hers.

I can't think why.

If you're going to perform at my family reunion,

you need to learn who my family are.

That's not a family, that's a phonebook.

There's hundreds of you.

55, including one great-aunt and a couple of long-lost cousins.

And you expect me to learn them? Forget it!

I sometimes forget my own name, how am I supposed to remember theirs?

Don't worry, I've devised an easy rhyme. You'll pick it up in no time.

-Wait, I need something to help me remember.

-Of course.

-What, pens, paper?

-A snack.

-We just had lunch half an hour ago.

-Yeah, I know, I'm starving.

Enjoying your Max-free day?

If having my privacy invaded, my favourite top ruined

and my bath time serenaded with a high-pitch chatterbox

counts as enjoyment, then, yeah, I'm having a blast.

Yeah, I heard you inherited a new sibling.

I thought with Max away, things would be less crazy.

-Who was I kidding?

-I hear you.

I dropped by in search of fun and ended up being Ruby's star pupil.

Man, she's strict! There's even an exam at the end of it!

Hey, do you want me to cut class and come rescue you?

I think I can handle one little girl. I mean, how bad can she be?

-OK, good luck coping with Maisy.

-Right back at you with Ruby.

What did you mean, coping with Maisy?

Oh, it's an in-joke.

We say coping when we actually mean have fun.

OK. So, I thought we could start the performance with a tap dance.

-Have you done something different to your hair?

-Oh, you noticed?

I borrowed some of your hair products.

Oh, that reminds me, you need some more spray, hair gel,

shampoo and conditioner.

Hope that's OK.

You have such amazing, shiny hair,

especially since you washed my treatment out.

It looks great.

-It does?

-Absolument.

And I thought if my hair looked as amazing as yours,

then I, too, could look like a supermodel.

-You think I look like a supermodel?

-Doesn't everyone?

Why do I get the feeling I'm not in control here?

Come on! Come on! Good Dani. Does Dani want a biscuit?

Well, Dani can have a biscuit after she fetches the stick.

Go on!

Such a good doggie.

So, I dance across the floor...

-..do a twirl, then I hop on the chair.

-That's great!

Maybe we can incorporate something modern into it,

like a body pop or something.

-We won't because you're not dancing.

-I'm not?

Nope, you'll be on the floor.

After I jump off the chair, open the umbrella, float a bit,

then you catch me.

I don't know, sounds like a lot could go wrong, mainly for me.

Let's give it a go. If it doesn't work, we can try some of your ideas.

That's if I survive your idea.

-Ready?

-Not really, but...

STOMPING

STOMPING

What am I doing?

I think that went well, don't you?

Dani?

Dani? Dani?

Dani, where are you?

Dani! Oh, Dani!

Here comes Uncle Jim and Auntie Jen. They have three - Ruth, Sam and Ben.

Next comes cousins Dex and Jake. They're twins and thin as rakes.

Dex, Jake, twins called Rake. Got it.

No, silly, the rakes aren't twins, Dex and Jake are.

Who are the rakes? Oh, wait, they're Uncle Mike and Auntie June.

Or is that Auntie Jane? Oh, man, I can't keep up.

You're doing brilliantly. Maisy took so long to learn the rhyme,

we had four new relatives by the time she did.

-THEY LAUGH

-Maisy...

Dani!

-CHEERING

-Dani, where are you?

There you are. I can't believe you hid from me. So uncool.

Even Ruby wouldn't pull something as lame as that.

That's because she's offloaded you onto me.

Look, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to find someone else

-to perform with.

-But you've got to do it, I helped you with your lines.

I know, and I'm grateful, but there's a limit to how much

I can help you, and getting my head flattened is it.

But you're so clever, and talented...

Cut the charm offensive, it won't work any more.

Why are you being so mean?

All I want to do is have a little tap routine in front of my family!

But I can't do it without you.

Oh, you are good, but Max is a master manipulator,

I know when I'm being played.

I'm disappointed in you, Dani, I thought you were different.

Sorry, but work is important,

and right now, that's what I need to focus on.

I knew you were easily distracted by trifle matters

like a successful career, but I hoped it wouldn't come to this.

Good luck with that big scene tonight.

I just hope you don't need your script.

What have you done with it?

Let's just say it might take a little longer to read.

If you've frozen it, I'll just cook it again.

Bet you regret sharing that secret with me now.

Do I look like an amateur?

-My script!

-Like I said, it might take a little longer to read.

But I'm sure in a week, maybe two, you'll have it all pieced together.

But I need it for tonight! It's my only copy!

SHE GROWLS

Come here!

-SHE SCREAMS

-Stop! Stop! Stop!

I would help out, but these are brand-new trainers

and it looks dangerous in there.

I'm sure they'll work it out.

Wait! I made a copy of your script.

So, here's the deal.

We practise our routine until it's perfect,

then you can have your script back.

Good to have you back, sis.

-Right, where were we?

-I was giving you the date of my family reunion.

Ah, yes.

SHE COUGHS

So my social life's a little slow, it'll pick up.

At least I don't have to worry about you being busy next Thursday.

Monday free, Tuesday free, Wednesday free, Thursday is not free.

-What?

-I'm sorry, but Thursday is Jack Day.

-What is Jack Day?

Every month, my parents and I spend a day where I do anything I want.

It's so awesome. Last time, we spent four hours watching turtles

play ping-pong.

They had these little sweatbands around their heads...

I'll plug in my phone, so we can practise to some music.

I've got some wicked tunes.

-Oh, I need help! My hair's caught!

-So you do.

Shall I call the police, or an ambulance?

Stop mucking around,

just use something from your big sister tool belt.

-Big sister tool belt?

-You know, like Ruby has.

Oh, that big sister tool belt! Bad luck, I don't have one.

But I know something we can use.

-Oh!

-My bag, you ruined it!

-So I have, oops!

Come on, let's get this over and done with.

Can you change the date?

It's the only day they're both off work,

can't you change the family reunion?

organising another date when 55 people are all free

will take until next year's reunion.

Oh, well. It looks like I'm back to playing the duet by myself.

-You will catch me, right?

-You're the boss.

-PHONE RINGS

-Hello?

Rudy! Oh, wow!

Hey, that was an important phone call!

-I was about to get free broadband.

-We need to focus.

We're never going to outshine Cousin Henry if we don't get this right.

Read my lips, I don't care.

It's clearly low blood sugar time.

Get out the snacks, I'll have savoury.

-You want a snack, the kitchen's that way.

-That's it!

You don't have a big sister tool belt, you're not concentrating

on our performance and you don't even carry snacks?

This isn't working, I'm better off on my own.

-Hey, what about my script?

-Look in the fridge.

"Enjoy your script. It's mango and mustard flavour."

I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait for Max to come home.

-Practice is going well then.

-Sorry, miles away. How's Maisy?

-No idea.

I got fired when she realised Godzilla would make a better

older sister.

Oh, good! For you, I mean. She can be a handful.

Hope she didn't cause too much damage.

-Nothing my insurance won't cover.

-Younger brothers and sisters, eh?

You know what they say -

you can't live with them, you can't send them back.

Well, thanks for looking after her,

but I better go grab her before she ropes another poor sucker in.

You might be too late on that score.

So let me get this straight, you're looking for an older brother.

That's right, someone cool, hip, streetwise.

-Mango and mustard, it's my fave.

-Basically, someone just like you.

-And you'll let me eat whatever I want?

-You're confusing me with Ruby.

I'm the fun one. You can pig out whenever you want, bro.

Bro?

-I like the sound of that. Say it again.

-Bro.

-Bro. OK, I'm in.

-Excelente!

So, as your bro, I should probably give you some kind of nickname.

You know, something cute like Little M or Mai-Z.

I'm not sure about nicknames, but we can discuss it later.

-Right, now, we need to focus on...

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

-Why are you grabbing my crisps?

-That's what siblings do, share.

A wise dude once said there are three things you should never do in life.

Plays chess with a monkey, clip your toenails in public,

-and share your food.

-What wise dude said that?

Well, it was... Well, I forget now, OK?

But that's not the point.

The point is, I've never done those things

and I'm not about to start now.

Sorry, deal's off.

OK, snack break. Sweet or savoury?

That's great, Maisy.

Such a great idea to combine the piano duet with a tap routine.

I'm the brains of the family. That opening bit was dead boring.

-That was fun.

-It was.

And there's no way Cousin Henry's Glee medley will beat that.

Exactly.

-Ice cream?

-Oh, you read my mind!

-Hey, Rubes.

-Yeah?

-I kind of missed having you around.

Not like a lot or anything, but it's just good to have

your big sister tool belt in case of emergencies.

But it still doesn't make you the boss of me.

Whatever you say, little sis. Oh...

Come on.

-'How are you today?

-Don't spare my feelings now...'

-Oh, how's Dani's big scene?

-She's on fire, come see.

'I can't lie, it's bad!

-'You've got no brain! I'm surprised you're still alive!

-Oh! Oh!'

HE COUGHS

'No!'

Wow, that was like really, really deep.

Dani's bound to win at the TV awards tonight.

I can't believe she's taking Max as her plus one.

I guess having me around made her realise how cute

and cuddly us little siblings can be.

Somehow, I doubt it.

Let's go, before the war of the crisps breaks out again.

Tsk, share my crisps!

I had no idea that having a sibling would require so much sacrifice.

Another great episode of Dani's House!

Don't you think, Commander Zang...?

I should have never let my brother talk me into playing games.

He always cheats!

-You two are like peas in a pod.

-Take that back!

He's a stickler for tidiness, he's super competitive,

and he cheats at games, just like you.

That may be, but I bet he can't do this.

HE YODELS

'Oh, OK. My go.'

HE YODELS

'Don't stop, let's do the next verse, too!'

HE WEEPS

# Sometimes, I feel like breaking free

# Let's lift these chains

# Let's rock this wave right out to sea

# I will be...

# Breaking free. #

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