Love at First Sight Dani's House

Good morning, Co-ordinator Zang.

-Is the party over?

-Yes.

And I don't think I'm alone

when I say last night's party got a tad out of hand.

-Did you manage to put the fire out in your quarters?

-Affirmative.

And I'd be grateful if we'd never mention it again. So...

Who, exactly, is responsible for the fact that our food supply is

now orbiting the ship?

That would be you. Do you not remember your new airlock game?

-Now you see it, now you don't.

-Ah, yes, of course.

-I'd be grateful if we...

-Never mention it again. Gotcha.

-Which brings me to my final question.

-Mmm hmm.

Who, exactly, is responsible for that?

Ah... Oh, look, Dani's House is on!

Hey, guys! Great to see you. My name's Dani, and this is...

Her best friend, Sam!

Sam! As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is...

-Her other best friend, Jack!

-Stuffing his face, as usual.

-As I was saying, my name's Dani and this is...

-Her brother, Max!

-And his mate, Ben!

-Get out of the way! Quiet!

-As I was saying, my name's Dani, and this is Dani's House!

-OUR HOUSE!

I give up!

Shhh!

DOORBELL RINGS

Eeeeeeee!

-Hey, what's the emergency?

-Something amazing happened last night!

I thought you went to the party?

I did, and I met the guy of my dreams. He's Mr Amazing.

-He was Captain Hook, I was Peter Pan.

-Aren't they sworn enemies?

He's tall, handsome, with these gorgeous long, black pirate curls.

-What's he doing?

-Some competition, he's been on hold since lunch time.

Did my doughnut delivery guy come?

I can't sleep! I've got butterflies, and all I eat is garlic bread!

Being in love is weird!

Actually, it's a very simple chemical reaction.

Love is a mood enhancing neurotransmitter called Dopamine.

-Is there no romance in your soul?

-Did you exchange numbers?

Numbers? We exchanged our innermost feelings. Our hopes, our fears,

our dreams for a world where man and beast can live in peace and harmony.

-I'm going to be sick.

-Too many doughnuts?

No, I just overheard Dani. But too many doughnuts? Good idea!

-We're basically an item!

-But you hardly know the guy!

It was love at first sight! He's not a total stranger,

his mum works on the show.

So when do I get to meet "Mr Amazing"?

He's on his way over now.

You're going to love him, he's like a guy version of me!

-Here's your sandwich, Max.

-What? I won? I won the competition? YES!

I won a double pass to the Truckcracker Ballet.

You mean the Monster Truck ballet? Those tickets are like gold dust!

You're so lucky! May I touch you, oh awesome one?

Uh...no.

What am I going to do with that spare ticket?

You seem hungry - how about a sandwich?

You're tense! Come, relax! How about a shoulder rub?

-How about this one?

-You look great.

-I'll change.

Do not change outfits again!

If this is love, it doesn't matter!

It's just, when we met last night

I was in fancy dress. Today it's just me.

Is that a doily?

"Mr Amazing" is on his way over.

-Mr Amazing? The actual superhero with the power to stop time?

-No...

Mr Amazing, the guy Dani has fallen in love with.

Oh, falling in love with a superhero.

You do realise the bad guys will try and kidnap you, right?

-He's not a superhero, his name's Nick.

-Riiiight.

You call in love with an ordinary guy. Called Nick.

-What is he on about?

-I have no idea.

What's going on?

Max is giving up his dignity and self respect

for a shot at my ticket to the monster truck ballet.

You can have two points.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Oh, that'll be him!

-Don't you dare!

You should stay in your bedroom for this visit.

I should probably stay in my bedroom for this next visit.

Wow! Who knew the monster truck ballet could actually help me out?

DOORBELL RINGS

-How do I look?

-Unattractively desperate.

-Thanks(!)

You look great, Dani.

-Yes?

-Hi. It's me.

-Hi, you. And you are...?

-Nick. From last night?

Oh! Of course. What happened to your gorgeous black curls?

My Jack Sparrow wig? I took it back to the costume shop.

-Oh, it was a wig! Obviously. Right.

-These are for you.

-Oh!

Wow, I can hardly smell them,

because of the overpowering aroma of... Is that aftershave?

Yeah. I've been shaving every other day for a couple of years now.

Great! Well, come on through!

-This is Sam. This is Jack and this is Nick.

-Hi.

-Nice to meet you.

-Woah, OK!

-Hi. AMAZING to meet you.

-Oh, soft hands! Do you moisturise?

-Because...

-No! OK, that'll do.

You're so funny! You totally freaked them out,

but you don't have to try so hard with these guys!

What do you mean?

Well, just be yourself, like you were last night.

MOBILE BEEPS

Excuse me, got to ring my mum

and get her to iron some of my underpants. Running low.

I don't know what he told you, but...

I'm sure that's not Mr Amazing.

He was talking to me right up close like this.

-And his aftershave smells of cat food!

-He's probably just nervous!

You two can be pretty intimidating.

Or you were wearing one serious pair of rose tinted spectacles last night.

It's not you, it's me. I just don't think we have a future together.

-It's my ears, isn't it?

-It's not your ears.

-In that case, it must be my eyes.

-No, your eyes are dreamy.

-So what's wrong?

-If I'm honest, I thought there was more to you.

It's my chin, isn't it? You don't like the way it goes up and down.

-All right! It's your chin!

-I knew it. You're just like all the rest.

First it's the up and down chin, then it's,

"Oh, sorry, I don't date guys made of cardboard." Fine.

I'm outta here.

Don't suppose you could carry me to a taxi? Please?

-No! You hang up!

-Is he still talking to his mum?

-OK, I was wrong.

Very, very wrong.

I was very, very, very, very wrong. I need to break up with him.

OK, bye.

I'm really sorry, Dani, I've got to go.

My mum needs me, I've got to run.

Bit of a problem with the pants.

OK! I'll break up with him tomorrow, straight after work.

Mr Amazing is history.

Oh, hi. I was wondering if I'd bump into you.

-Bump into me? This is my bedroom, what are you doing?

-Nothing at all.

-You're working for Jack!

-Of course not!

How's the research going? Any news on Italy?

You're doing research for his round-the-world trip?

There's eight all-you-can-eat pizza restaurants

in Rome. Three in Florence and one in Pizza.

-Pisa.

-Bless you.

-This one has a youth hostel across the road.

-Nice! Eight points.

Good work!

-Chocolate milk, when you get a moment, Max.

-Coming right up.

Don't you see what he's doing to us? What we've become?

But there's only one ticket to the Monster Trucks!

How about, instead of double-crossing each other, we work together

-and double cross Jack?

-Not sure I follow.

-I've got a secret weapon.

-What is it?

It's in the wardrobe. It's the mother of all weapons.

So powerful it will end this contest, once and for all.

-Where is it? I can't see it.

-It's right at the back.

What are you doing?

-Let me out of here!

-Sorry, my friend, but it's like you said.

There's only one spare ticket and it shall be mine.

OK, quiet on set, please, we are recording.

And...action.

Dr Rugburden's diagnosis was right! I AM suffering from the black death!

-Cut!

-Good job, Dani!

Really? Thanks. Actually, do you have a minute?

I'm worried about this storyline. How will it end for my character?

I'll be honest with you, which is something I don't say very often.

-Killing you off was a real possibility.

-Oh, right.

But last night, seeing you at the party, I decided I shouldn't.

I realised you'd become part of the team. Sandwich lady?

-Get me a bacon bap and a frappe.

-Yes, sir.

-Dani?

You're offering me free sandwiches and frappes?

-In that case, same again, please. Thanks, sandwich lady!

-All right.

Hey! You! That fake blood is for my personal use! Read the label!

-Zarina Wix! Put it in my office!

-Hey, Dani.

-A delivery from Nick Wix.

-Thanks. Nick Wix?

Wix...Zarina Wix...

I'm dating my boss's son!

CLANG!

I can't break up with Nick.

Yes, you can Dani, you can be really mean if you set your mind to it.

No, I mean I can't break up with him cos he's Zarina's son. That's why he was at the party.

-But you don't like him, why should you date him?

-If I'm with Nick, my part in the show's safe.

Dani you can't date him.

He close talks, smells of cat food and follows you like a lost puppy.

What can she do? If she dumps him she's going to be in the boss's black books, isn't she?

Ah, yes!

OK. Listen, what if Nick breaks up with me?

That way I'm the one who's rejected and Zarina has no reason to kill off my character.

-Hmm, he's pretty keen. What makes you think he'll dump you?

-Meet clingy girlfriend.

I'll smother him with love and attention

-and pretend I want to be with him forever.

-Guys hate that.

BOTH: Perfect.

Just an example of the tacos and nachos you could enjoy.

I LOVE Mexican food.

Where would I go for this?

-Erm...Mexico.

-Oh! Thanks, Max. That's great.

Oh, did you pick up my doughnut order?

Ah! Yes.

HE SIGHS

Sugar-coated heaven in a box.

Erm, Jack. About that spare Monster Truck ticket of yours...

Oh, of course. Mate, that ticket's virtually yours.

Haven't seen Ben all day - it's like he vanished or something.

SOMEONE BANGS FROM INSIDE

Oh!

-What's this?

-It came for you earlier, I thought you ordered it.

Oh, excellent! It's the backpack I wanted.

Oh, it's so cool.

Look, it's got a padlock.

Oh, ain't that sweet. DOOR BELL

I'll go get the door.

Hi. Is, erm, is Dani in?

You must be Mr Amazing.

-I'm Nick.

-I see. So, where did you and Dani meet then?

My mum, she's the sandwich lady at the studio.

Oh, is she? That must be very exciting for her.

-Hi, Nick.

-What are you wearing?!

Get lost, worm.

Thank you so much for the flowers you sent.

You did already thank me. I got, like, 16 messages from you.

Your texts kind of overloaded my phone memory.

-Oh, I didn't mean to be annoying.

-It wasn't annoying.

-What? No? Erm, I think you'll find it was.

I hope you don't mind, I let my mum listen to your messages. They were just so cute.

Your mum? Wow, that's not embarrassing at all.

Don't worry. She said she's taking special care of you at work.

I have noticed some improvements.

Some people don't really get along with her, but without my mum they'd all be going hungry!

True. Very true. Oh, sweetie, I've got a surprise for you.

-A photo album?

-It's our wedding album.

-Our what?

-I superimposed our faces to make pictures.

Here's us exchanging rings.

Here's us cutting the cake. And this is us on our honeymoon and you're scuba diving...for pearls.

-I-I don't know what to say!

-Oh, it's OK if this is too much too fast,

maybe I'm suffocating you. You can tell me anything, I won't be upset.

-Actually there is something I did want to tell you, Dani.

-Go on.

It's just...

I just feel so close to you right now.

Hold that thought.

It doesn't make any sense. It's as if he likes you no matter what.

He's actually looking through the wedding album...smiling. The guy needs help.

What am I going to do? If he doesn't break up with me, that wedding album is going to become my reality.

-Well, you know what they say, "The way to a man's heart - through his stomach."

-What have you got in mind?

-Hmm.

-Is that it?

-Hold on.

What if I add...

mustard?

Coffee.

Salt.

And...

eugh...fish oil.

I really hope this works.

Wow. Dani, you're an amazing chef.

What did you put in that? I must have the recipe.

-This one is definitely a keeper.

-How will I ever let him go?

How?!

Here we go, grub's up. Where would you like it, at your console or on your lap?

You ejected our entire food supply into outer space and there's nothing left to eat on the ship!

Don't let that minor detail ruin your lunch.

Enjoy!

My bowl's completely empty!

No, it's not. Galaxian soffle, that is.

A delicate blend of subtle ingredients whipped and baked until it's light as air.

Don't be shy, tuck in.

HE GULPS

Mmm...delicious.

HE BURPS AND BREAKS WIND

SHE SIGHS

I smothered him with attention - it only made him like me more.

I gave him a disgusting soup and now he wants the recipe.

-Maybe you should break up with him yourself.

-Think how his mum will react, he tells her everything.

-Dani, the trouble is, you're great. That's why he loves you.

-That's it.

We need a plan,. We need to try and convince him I'm a terrible person.

I need him to think I'm manipulative, mean and horrible.

Now think, what's the worse thing I could possibly do?

Did the backpack arrive OK? Internet shopping can be so tricky.

Do you realise with the cost of that backpack,

you could've bought two tickets to the Monster Truck Ballet?

Obviously. Except the Truckcracker is completely sold out.

This competition is tearing us apart. It has to stop.

Oh, no. This is what you said before, then locked me in your wardrobe.

-My violin teacher was worried about you.

-I mean it this time. I don't even want to go with Jack.

I'd much rather go with you.

-What's the plan?

-We target Jack's weak spot.

The thing he loves most. The thing he can't live without.

Late script changes, Dani.

Wow.

Nurse Woodmagnet's got a lot of new lines.

I decided to expand your Black Death storyline. You're taking the main plot this week.

Zarina, I think I know why you're doing this. And I really appreciate...

Thank me when your photo's on the front cover of TV Days.

I'm going to get the cover?!

Don't let me down! My reputation's on the line. Your big scene's on Saturday.

No...no, stupid! You got to keep the organ on ice!

Zarina, could I have a word, please?

Never had so many lines.

Yesterday I was about to die from the plague

and today I'm infecting an entire troop of cub scouts!

No, no, Dani. For you, lunch is on the house.

Really? Well, that's more like it. Thank you, sandwich lady.

And while you're here. I'll just take a few of these.

Oh, and some of them for, erm, later.

Cheers.

And all because I'm dating Zarina's son!

Oh, no. I've got to stop Jack and Sam. I've got to cancel the plan!

Right, here's the plan.

Release the parachute before you hit terminal velocity....and look out for that goal post.

No, no, no. I can't do this.

I've changed my mind. I've got to cancel the plan. I'll do any thing of you et me back out.

Well, if you're sure, but you'll have to fill out this form.

Thank you so much. I didn't want to do anything I'd regret.

-Yeah. Initial there and sign down there.

-OK. Have you got a pen?

No, sorry. But there's one down the office.

Look, there's the office.

Jump now and you'll land in the lobby. They'll have a pen.

Thank you so much for your help. I'll go and cancel this jump straight away.

-Yep. Don't forget your form.

-Oh, cheers.

Guys! Guys, cancel the plan. Abort, abort now. Guys?

Guys, did you get my text? Guys, cancel the plan.

-Hey, gorgeous.

-Ah!

-Who you talking to? What plan?

-Nick, what are you doing here?

-I just couldn't wait to see you.

-Do you mind?

-No, of course not, I just need to call my friends and cancel some plans that we made.

Jack, if you get this, abort the operation.

-I repeat, Operation Break Up is no go.

-Operation Break Up?

Make-up.

Jack was going to give me a makeover for his course in make-up studies.

Hey, look. I got tickets for the climbing wall this Saturday.

-Do you want to come?

-This Saturday? We're shooting my scene.

What would your mum say?

-She's the one who got us the tickets.

-What? For this Saturday?

Maybe the shooting schedule has changed.

All I know is she said climbing was a good idea

and thinks you need a bit of upper body strength.

If your mum bought the tickets, I guess I'm taking Saturday off.

-Sweet!

-OK...

How do I look?

(LAUGHS) Ridiculous.

-So, a slight improvement on how you normally look.

-Great.

I think.

Just as long as Nick thinks Dani is dating me as well as him.

He's bound to break up with her.

Don't forget, Dani will deny everything, but that's for show.

-Just keep the lie going.

-Just keep it going.

This is our big chance to help Dani get rid of Nick.

-Let's do it. High-five.

-Sorry.

Hand-eye co-ordination is not really my strong suit.

DANI LAUGHS AWKWARDLY

Did you get my message?

What message, my sweet little apple strudel?

Hi guys, what's going on.

Oh no, Nick's here. We thought he wasn't going to be here.

No, of course Nick's here.

The plan has changed,

-we don't need to do what we were going to do. Get it?

-No.

I am Dani's boyfriend. Eduardo. Pleased to meet you.

Dani's boyfriend?

No, I'm Dani's boyfriend and you're not Eduardo.

-You're Jack, we've already met.

-Ha ha ha. It is a big mistake! Ya.

It's just a big mistake, it happens all the time because...

because...

-Eduardo is Jack's almost identical great uncle.

-From France.

-No, I'm not dating Eduardo. This is ridiculous.

-Too right.

And you're not fooling anyone. It's just a cheap wig.

-And that's a fake moustache.

-For goodness' sake.

All right, I admit it.

-Nick has seen through my charade. There is no Eduardo.

-Thank you.

The truth is, it's me, Jack who you've been dating all this time.

-What?!

-Disguised as Eduardo.

Have you been two-timing me?

-No. I haven't.

-You have.

-Just stop it.

-Just drop this whole thing, it's over, OK?

-Over. It's over?

What's over, you mean you were dumping him?

What? Yes. Yes, I am.

Jack, Eduardo, you are dumped. I have met Nick and you're history.

Ouch. OK, now I am confused.

-Me too.

-I'm sorry.

I thought you were a sweet, loving, warm-hearted girl.

But the way you just dumped Jack, one of your best friends

who you've just discovered's been secretly dating you

in disguise as Eduardo, I mean, wow. That's just cold.

Maybe it just shows how much I like you.

Oh, schnookims, you're so sweet.

Excuse us for just a second.

You too.

Eduardo, nice guy.

I thought you wanted him to break it off.

He was putty in your hands.

-He was about to just dump you.

-I'm sorry.

It turns out dating Zarina's son has its advantages.

Today, I got this huge storyline,

plus I got a free pass to the climbing wall the Saturday.

What about his close talking, mouth breathing, cat food smell?

A few trivial details that

if it means I am in Zarina's inner circle.

Hurry back, my little sweet potato.

How hard could hanging out with Nick be?

You know, I'm finding this all very stressful.

It's time for my chilli chocolate limited edition doughnut

with butterscotch centre and mascarpone icing.

It is a miracle all your teeth are intact.

Agh! She's gone, someone's eaten her.

Wait a minute, "If you want to see your doughnut again,

"give us both monster truck tickets

-"or it's bye-bye doughnut."

-They kidnapped her.

Have they no moral code?

He is such a drama queen.

OK, what have you done with her?

Ah, Jack. We've been expecting you.

Is this what you're looking for? Yum, it smells so tasty.

OK! I'll do anything you want, just don't hurt her.

It's simple, hand over the tickets, both tickets, and she's all yours.

I was really looking forward to the monster truck ballet. Argh!

OK, OK, stop! Please! Just take them.

Hello, darling.

I'm going to put you in the safest place I can think of.

-You do remember that I licked that?

-So?

Eugh!

Wait a minute, these aren't tickets to The Truck Cracker.

-They're not?

-These are tickets to The Nutcracker.

You mean the famous Christmas ballet composed by Tchaikovsky?

I mean the puppet show performed by the Happy Nappy Puppetry.

Oh, right, that would explain all the nursery rhymes

I had to listen to while I was on hold.

You mean we did all this just for some tickets

to some stupid toddler puppet show?

-That chilli's got a real kick to it.

-BOTH:

-No!

-So, where is she?

-Zarina, hi. Are you looking for Nick?

Where have you been? Why didn't you show up for work this morning?

What? You knew I was taking the day off.

-You gave us passes to the climbing wall.

-Don't be ridiculous.

Do you appreciate the chaos your absence has caused?

The writers re-wrote the story.

Now it's Nurse Thorne who discovers the cure for the Black Death

and falls in love with the scientist.

So, my character doesn't have the main plot any more?

Of course not, you fool.

But you knew I was taking the weekend off, you said it was OK.

-Nick said it was OK.

-Who's Nick?

-Your son.

-Wow, what kind of a mother are you?

-What?

-That's not my mum.

-Yes, it is.

-Why on earth would you think I was related to that?

His surname is Wix. W-I-X.

-Are you sure you're not related?

-Positive.

My surname is Wickes but it's W-I-C-K-E-S.

But you said your mum works at the studio.

-That everyone would go hungry without her.

-They would.

She's the sandwich lady.

So let me get this straight.

I am not dating my boss's son,

-and the sandwich lady gave me the day off?

-I see.

You'll do what the sandwich lady tells you, but not what I ask you.

We will discuss this on Monday morning, do not be late.

-Your mum is the sandwich lady!

-That's right.

-Dani, I'm breaking up with you.

-You're breaking up with me?

I didn't want to believe it,

but my mum says you're rude, you are greedy,

you stole all her food and she said you call her 'sandwich lady'.

-Don't be silly, she has a name.

-And what is it?

(Rumpelstiltskin.)

Rumpelstiltskin?

Goodbye, Dani.

Well, at least the sandwich lady gave me lots of free lunches.

-Rumpelstiltskin.

-He said it.

-I didn't.

-You did so.

You read it wrong.

Thanks goodness our emergency food supply has arrived.

Look, doughnuts. Try one.

Far out. This is delicious.

I told you I'd solve our food shortage.

Just got to recalibrate the senses.

You know what? I'm a bit peckish.

Stop! You ate them all. There's none left for me.

No, silly, I left you all the holes. See?

Thanks.

Fantastic flavour. Doughnut holes are the best.

# Sometimes I feel like breaking free

# Let's lift these chains

# Let's rock this wave right out to sea

# I will be breaking free... #