Sayonara Sam Dani's House

SHE SOBS

Zark, why are you crying?

Today's the day that Sam leaves Dani's House forever!

We're never going to see her again!

SHE SOBS

Could you direct your crying elsewhere? That went in my mouth.

-Actually, that's not bad.

-Really?

It's quite...spicy with a hint of lemon.

-Cry some more.

-But I feel better now.

Don't forget, once Sam's left Dani's House,

she's gone forever and ever and ever.

Oh, why did you have to remind me?

SHE SOBS

To Sam!

Hey, guys. Great to see you.

-My name is Dani and this is...

-Her best friend, Sam!

Sam! As I was saying, my name's Dani

-and this is...

-Her other best friend, Jack!

Stuffing his face, as usual. As I was saying, my name's Dani,

-and this...

-Is her brother, Max!

-And his mate, Ben!

-Go away!

-Quiet! As I was saying, my name's Dani, and this is...

-ALL: Our house!

-THEY ARGUE

-Shh!

That's the last of Sam's things.

It'll be weird without her science stuff here.

It was certainly weird with her science stuff in here.

It just won't be the same without all the acid spillages,

-weird smells and sudden explosions. Ow!

-Be nice!

-I'm always nice.

Just make sure you are. It's Sam's big day.

-I'm really going to miss her, you know?

-Me, too.

Sam and I grew up together. I feel like I'm losing a foot.

Right. Cos like a foot, Sam smells of cheese.

-What did I say?

-I'm kidding! I'm nice, I'm super-nice, I'm...

-I'm not going.

-What do you mean you're not going?

I no longer want to become an astronaut.

Er, I made you this cake. That's a waste of four hours, isn't it?

-I've decided to stay and keep things the same.

-There's no time for this.

Your parents are taking you to the airport soon.

-Well, I'd better hurry up and tell them I'm backing out.

-No, you don't!

-Dani!

-Give it here!

-I'm not joking, give me my phone.

-Jack, help!

-Sam, let go!

-HORN TOOTS

-Dani, give me my phone.

-You're making a mistake.

It will be a mistake to be an astronaut.

-You're only saying this cos you're nervous.

-I'm not nervous!

Well, what's wrong? You've always wanted a big science job.

..and argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium,

chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium!

-What you doing?

-Analysing the chemical composition of comfort food

-to see why it makes you feel better.

-Sounds good.

Today you're going to see some of the work we're doing with this,

the large dugong collider.

-Any questions?

-Professor, Hi!

-Hello.

-Hi.

Sorry, did you just say the large dugong collider?

-That's right.

-Only I thought it was a large hadron collider.

This is the world's largest dugong accelerator.

With this machine, we can accelerate dugongs

to almost the speed of light.

-Why would you want to do that?

-So we can smash them together!

Bang!

-We think you need a reality check.

-But how?

-Psychometric testing!

I learnt loads of techniques at psychology summer camp

that help you reconnect to everyday life.

I didn't understand most of that, Suzie, but it sounded good.

A bit more complicated than that.

Pheromones and related semiochemicals are transmitters...

OK, don't get all sciencey on me.

-SMASHING GLASS

-Sam?

What? Nothing. What? Hello.

-I heard a muffled shriek.

-It was probably just the wind or a bird.

Yes, or a bird in the wind, shrieking.

-Can you smell burning?

-Perhaps the bird's on fire.

-ALARM BLARES

-Just do it, Jack, do it!

SCREECHING VIOLIN / SHE SCREAMS

I have split atoms, catalogued acids,

and tested the effects of dance music on sausage dogs.

I need something new.

Was Einstein realistic?

No. He was relative...istic!

I made a physics joke!

And they said it couldn't be done.

I just wish I didn't have to travel halfway across the world.

I'll be so far away from you both.

Well, couldn't you just get a job closer to home?

If I back out, I'll be labelled flaky and unreliable.

No-one in the science community will want me.

If that happens, couldn't you get a job doing something else?

-Maybe I could be a DJ!

-What? Sam!

DANCE MUSIC

What are you doing?

Stop! Put the phones down slowly!

And back away from the turntable. The competition is tough enough as it is.

Look, Sam, you've tried doing other stuff

and it hasn't exactly worked out. Remember?

You want to become a pop star.

SHE WAILS OUT OF TUNE

That's enough!

That's enough!

My dog's backside is more in tune than you. And he's not a well dog.

-Cadets, ready!

-Aren't you taking this a bit seriously?

-Do you want to win or not?

-Yes, sir!

-All right, then. Gear up!

-I called my mates in fashion.

-You don't have mates in fashion.

I do now. And I bagged some outfits that are totally cutting edge.

How about sheggings? Leggings with shoes!

To make a good PA takes organisation, focus,

and an almost pathological attention to detail.

-Someone who knows all your little likes and dislikes.

-Aw, thanks.

The jellyfish and mustard terrine

was a perfect marriage between spice and fish.

The bitterness of the chocolate complements the snail perfectly.

Simply wonderful. Two courses in I have to admit, I am impressed.

Can't wait to try the rose and carrot ice cream.

Or not.

I'm just going to say it. Would you like to play the lead in my play?

You want me to play the lead in Michael Come Home?

-But it's a dog.

-A dog lead.

I wrote the part especially for you. Who else can do like Laika justice?

One small step for man's best friend,

one giant leap for dog-kind.

Down, Laika, down!

Dani, I'm still not feeling your raw emotion.

This sequence explores Laika's hopes and dreams.

-Let's take it from the top.

-Not again!

So, maybe those things didn't work out, but we had fun, didn't we?

She's got a point. This place is way more fun than NASA.

So is this what you've been worried about?

-That training to be an astronaut won't be fun?

-Not like it is here.

Think about all the laughs we've had, all the good times.

I just don't think I'm ready to say goodbye to all that.

HE LAUGHS

Would you like to hear a poem about my inner pain?

-Oh, how was that?

-THEY SQUEAL

Come on.

-SHE SCREAMS

-Very funny, Jack.

THEY SCREAM

Dani's House, yeah!

Whoa!

CRASHING

OK, swab.

-Oh! That tickles!

-Scalpel!

-Ow! Ow!

-Shh!

Suction.

HE IMITATES SUCTION

-I can't believe it!

-THEY SCREAM

-Ouch!

-Ow!

-SHE SCREAMS

-Yes! We caught him!

-I'll just get the key. Agh!

-He likes my music!

-THEY SCREAM

THEY SCREAM

-What did we get?

-BOTH: We won!

Proves what you can do when you get off your backside and make a noise.

-Ow! Ow!

-Jack, that's not working!

-ALL: Help!

-Ooh, this looks like fun. Can I join in?

-ALL: No!

# Sometimes I feel like breaking free

Oh, excitement level's reaching critical.

You know, we do seem to have an unhealthy amount of fun, don't we?

Hey, do you remember that list we made as kids,

we worked out everything we want to do before we grow up.

Yep. I think I've just packed that. Hang on.

-Ooh!

-Here we go.

Sam's ambition list. There's only a few left.

How do I know NASA right for me if I still have unfulfilled ambitions?

Sam, most of these things are already ticked off.

There's only three things you haven't done.

-That's three too many.

-Count yourself lucky. Look how many I got.

Cure world hunger. Grow a pair of wings.

-Knit an island. Milk a cat?

-A bloke has got to aim high.

I've got an idea. If you're worried about becoming an astronaut

before you've achieved your dreams,

let's make your dreams happen before your parents arrive.

Dani, how exactly will we backpack across Australia,

or enter a top TV science quiz?

-We've only got a few hours.

-Just leave that to me and Jack.

It's the least we can do after everything you've done for us.

-Hello?

-Sam. It's Dani.

We had the heaviest snowfall in living memory, it's blowing a gale.

-I couldn't possibly leave my garden.

-How's this for a nightmare?

-I'm snowed in, with Max!

-OK, don't panic. I'm on my way!

You heard Granddad! He still thinks I'm a little girl.

He's going to ruin this whole thing!

I'll deal with him. I won't let him spoil your chances with Brandon.

Good luck!

SHE GASPS

-Nice look, by the way.

-Thanks. I, er, dress like this all the time.

You can't go in.

-Why not?

-The den, it's...

-..dusty.

-I like dust.

Reminds me that we're all slowly decaying.

BOTH: Whoa!

All done!

Is there anything wrong with my kissing? I want to look good on TV.

So do you want to give me some pointers?

And make eye contact.

Lean in. Gently, she's not an ice lolly.

Rotate your head 15, no, 16 degrees.

And go for it!

-Touchdown!

-Yes!

Well, don't do that, obviously.

-Now, first thing we require is...

-This has got to stop!

I'm not going to let you ruin Dani's chances of...

You're either with us or against us, Sam.

Obviously, I'm against you.

SHE SHRIEKS

I've had it! I give up. I'm a failure and I'm useless!

No, that's Jack. You're going to be fine.

-Where are you taking me?

-Just wait and see.

-Oh! Oh! Oh!

-Ambition number one, welcome to Australia!

DIDGERIDOO PLAYS

Oh, this is brilliant!

G'day, mate! Check out me old boomerang!

-SMASHING

-Jack! You're such an idiot!

Didgeri-don't get lippy with me, Sheila! I was only trying to help.

Jack! You're so clumsy sometimes.

It wasn't me that propped up the fake Ayers Rock with cushions.

I didn't think some big melon-head was going to lean on it!

-Anyway, it's not called Ayers Rock. It's called Uluru.

-You're Uluru!

-You're Uluru!

-You're Uluru! What you calling me a melon-head for...

Great! This is probably the last time I'm ever going to see them

and they're arguing. No change there, then.

No! Jack, do something!

It's going to stain the dress! Get it off!

-What's this?

-On the dress! It's the colour of most stains.

-No! That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard.

-Hello?

It's her! She's found the coat and coming to wreak her twisted revenge.

-You better answer it.

-In her sister's ripped, stained wedding dress?

-You answer it!

-Hold on! I want nothing more to do with this.

Too late! You're my accomplice now, like it or not.

-Hello!

-Just a minute!

Do you have any idea how annoying you used to be?

After ruining Sam's project and flushing my troll,

you've turned up after all these years just to ruin my party!

You couldn't bear that I had a boyfriend and you didn't!

I could get a boyfriend tomorrow if I wanted!

-Yeah, like who?

-Christopher Starling.

The guy in your acting class who smells of cheese?

Maybe he smells better now. Maybe he smells more like cheesecake.

You said for me to make you look like my favourite character.

-And I really like Kung Fu Panda.

-Star!

I said make me look like your favourite movie star!

-Where's my nitrogen tank?

-Why you asking me?

Cos who else would take it? You knew you wouldn't win otherwise,

-you're microwaving chips!

-Just because I don't use fancy chemicals

-and a protractor to make my meal, doesn't make yours better.

-It does.

-Now give me back my nitrogen tank.

-I can't cos I don't have it!

-Give it back now!

-I don't have it!

Maybe we'd all benefit if occasionally

you dragged yourself away from a chemistry set

and behaved less like a... well, like a geek!

And when were you planning on telling me this?

-After the party.

-After I told people I was getting a record deal.

-I told you!

-I can't believe you both knew about this!

That's it, I'm giving up on my dreams.

But you have to dream, Dani! I dream all the time.

Last night I dreamt I'd grown a beak.

Shut up and get out!

-Oh, you drive me so mad!

-You drive me so mad!

-Another annoying thing about you.

-What?

-You never think of your own comebacks.

-Get a load of this!

-That was fairly pathetic.

-Oh, pathetic, was it?

Stop! This is not how I want to remember us.

Remember us? So you decided to go, then?

Not yet. But what about my other ambitions?

What about entering a top TV science quiz?

-We're never going to achieve that in an afternoon.

-Oh, really?

You did all this for me?

No, it's for our other friend who is a massive science freak.

Thanks.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

Welcome to another edition of TV's top science quiz, Science Blast!

# Science Blast

Hello, contestants. First question for ten to the power of six points.

What was the purpose of the Apollo 11 space mission?

-To put humanity on the moon.

-Correct. Question two.

-Who was the second astronaut to descend on the lunar lander?

-Oh! Oh!

Erm, thingy, erm, what's his name? Erm, Spaceman Bob!

I'm sorry, I can't accept that.

-Buzz Aldrin.

-Correct again. Question three.

-What do the initials NASA stand for?

-National Aeronautics and...

Are all these questions going to be about NASA or space travel?

-Er...

-Is this just another way to convince me to go?

-No.

Jack, what's the next question on your card?

Erm...

What is...a wasp?

This isn't helping. What's the point of taking part in a science quiz

if I no longer even know if I want to be a scientist?

We thought ticking things off your list would help.

What about the things that aren't on my list?

What about all the crazy adventures we have?

EVIL LAUGHTER

THEY SCREAM

Help! His arm's stuck!

-SHE SCREAMS

-Just go home, Jack.

THEY SCREAM

It's a bat!

Now do you still believe he isn't a vampire?

THEY SCREAM

OK, I believe you! My dance teacher is a vampire bat.

And he just bit me on the nose. That's just peachy.

-Hello, officer? I'm calling to report a murder.

-BOTH: Murder?

-Dani, I think you're goat is...

-On fire!

-No, I was going to say...

-Your station's on fire!

THEY SCREAM

SMOKE ALARM BEEPS

Make some noise, people! This trick is massive!

HE BEATBOXES

-The gnome scares me.

-I just wanted to say...

GOAT BLEATS BOTH: Aghhhh!

Just the highlights. No boring stuff. I'll direct it.

Pacey, with crazy camera angles.

Fast, snazzy graphics. Sharp editing.

-Whip pans.

-What are whip pans?

-Like this.

-Will you take my hand?

-Mm-hm.

-SHE SCREAMS

-That's my hand!

-I just touched it!

Oh! Jack! Jack! Sam's hand's fallen off! Call an ambulance!

It's all right, I'll call an ambulance!

Guys? Guys, cancel the plan! Abort! Abort now!

-Aristotle, my pet axolotl.

-Your pet axo-what-l?

-Axolotl.

-Your pet axolotl?

-Aristotle.

-Died?

-Hey! Did you get my message?

-What message, my little apple strudel?

Shall we take it from...

Yes!

L'eau de Man. The scent of the future.

SHE SQUEALS

That is for defacing my self-portrait in the art contest!

HE SCREAMS

DANCE MUSIC

Man, this thing is warm. I'm wishing I'd left myself a bigger hole.

-High-five. Ow!

-Sorry.

Hand-eye coordination's not really my strong suit.

I can't turn my back on my friends.

But astronaut training is everything your life's been building towards.

I can't have everything. I can't go. I'd miss you all too much.

-CRASHING

-Max, what was that?

Mind your own business!

-I think I'll even miss Max and Ben.

-Are you sure about that?

-THEY GASP

-I see you are my babysitters.

-Think of us as your new best friends.

-If you were my friends,

-I wouldn't have asked Ben to glue your feet to the floor.

-Hello there.

-We're always up to something.

-Max, come back here.

Ooh.

OK, but you will put the room back the way you found it, won't you?

Do I look like a mug? And if you could save me a job

and slam the door in your face on the way out...

-Behold us!

-What are you supposed to be?

I'm Benergiser, the embodiment of ultimate evil!

And I'm Maximum Destruction!

We're so evil, we make Voldemort look like a roll of lavatory tissue!

I've got someone important coming round. I don't need embarrassing.

-Sorry, Dani.

-Evil!

-Oh. Sorry, Max. I mean...

I'm not sorry! I'm evil!

I'm so evil, I make the Green Goblin look like a pastry chef!

Wah-wah-wah! I'm Dani. I think I'm great.

Look at me, everyone. I'm a big, stinky, show-offy actor.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, blast-off!

Max? Are you holding my hand?

-Maybe a little.

-What a loser!

BOTH: We hate you! We hate you! We hate you!

OK, what have you done with her?

Ah, Jack. We've been expecting you.

Ohh! Stop, stop, please!

Say hello to Maximum Destruction!

And Fluffy Bunny Boy!

-I need you to ruin one of my schemes.

-What?

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Oh, and another ow.

Welcome to my world of mystery and intrigue, Samantha.

DOOR CREAKS

THUNDER BOOMS

EVIL LAUGHTER

I don't even know why we're laughing.

So you're going to miss Max and Ben, are you?

OK, maybe I won't miss those two.

Look, can I have my phone back now please, Dani?

I'm calling NASA to tell them I'm not coming.

Wait a sec. What was the last one?

-The last what?

-Well, Dani said you had three ambitions left, right?

-Australia, the science quiz, what was the other one?

-Tell him, Sam.

Well, what is it?

Becoming an astronaut.

I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Ah".

CAR HORN BEEPS That's your mum and dad.

So, what's it going to be, Sam?

Follow your dream or stay here and keep things exactly as they are?

Choosing between my friends and my future?

It's like deciding whether I prefer protons or neutrons.

We've been best friends forever.

Dani, what do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm going to be a famous actress.

I'm going to be a particle fizzilist.

-Out of the way, smellies!

-Hey! We were here first!

-I'm sorry I called you a geek.

-I'm sorry for everything I said to you.

And Jack, I'm sorry. You're not dumb.

HE GROANS

-Is that a doily?

-Mr Amazing is on his way over.

Mr Amazing? The actual superhero with the power to stop time?

No, Mr Amazing, the guy Dani's fallen in love with.

Ooh, falling in love with a superhero.

You do realise the bad guys will try and kidnap you, right?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything.

No, I'm sorry. I did go a bit AWOL.

I swear I'll never let a guy become more important than my friends.

-It's good to have my bestest friend back.

-BOTH: Squeeze!

They said thanks for coming and everything, but I got the part.

Never mind, there'll be other auditions.

-Wait. Did you say...

-I got the part!

-THEY SQUEAL

-Oh, oh!

I'm going to be in a movie with Belle Charlotte!

THEY SQUEAL

-Will you remember us when you're famous?

-Sorry, who are you again?

Oh, oh... SHE LAUGHS

-Ow!

-Yeah?

Oh! All right, come on!

You've made me realise what friendship is all about,

-so I'm going to be in your play. Woof-woof.

-Thank you!

-Curtains go up at seven!

-Looking forward to it.

-Break a leg.

-These idiots are my friends!

-And some of us aren't even idiots.

-Some of us aren't even her friends.

-Some of us are just happy to be here.

Guys, I've decided. It's time to say goodbye.

-Any chance a mildly good-looking DJ could get a hug, too?

-Always.

So what made you finally change your mind?

I've decided that whether I'm in outer space or just up the road,

-we're going to be friends no matter what.

-Well, duh! Ow!

-I said it in a nice way.

-He's right, though.

We've been through so much.

I'm sure our friendship can survive a tiny little thing

-like you flying off to America to become an astronaut.

-Precisely.

After all, change is a fundamental concept of the universe.

-It should be embraced, not feared.

-Mm. I don't know what that means,

but it's exactly what I was thinking. CAR HORN BEEPS

-So, this is it.

-This is it.

I'll call you as soon as I get to America.

I'll email you every day, I promise.

And I'll think of you occasionally. If I've got nothing better to do.

Ow! Enough with the kicking! I don't mean it.

-So...

-So...

-So...

-Bye, guys.

-Bye, Sam.

-Bye, then.

# I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me

# And it's so, it's so sad to think...

Forgot my list! Got to run! Bye!

# Do I look OK, I say

Again? How many times has a person got to say goodbye?

You're my best friends.

OK?

# Cos you're amazing

I really hope being an astronaut works out for her.

I think she's going to go far.

# And when you smile

-"Houston to Sam. Houston to Sam."

-"Sam to Houston."

"Can you confirm that the air is breathable? Over."

-"Affirmative."

-"You may open your visor."

I'm here!

This is one small step for Sam,

one giant leap for...

-Hello there!

-Hiya.

Er...have we met before?

-Are we in space?

-THEY SCREAM

BOTH: Erm...

# Sometimes I feel like breaking free

# Let's lift these chains

# Let's ride this wave right out to sea...

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]

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