A Friend in Deed Dead Gorgeous

# Some things have changed

# Some things have stayed the same

# Life and death are not so far apart

# Oh, knocking through the walls

# I wouldn't have it any other way

# Life and death are not so far apart

# From where we are.

# Some things have changed

# Some things have stayed the same

# Life and death are not so far apart. #

CHEERING

Right, then, girls. Once around the track.

WHISTLE

I'm sorry I'm late, Miss Sinclair. I was re-reading our class text.

I got so caught up with the prose, even though it is very modern.

I don't care what you were reading, Sophie.

-But I thought it was important.

-What is important is time keeping.

If you don't catch up with the others, it's a detention for you.

A detention?! For reading Austen?!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Are they cheering for me?

Yes. Sophie, I think you'd better pretend to be out of breath.

SHE PANTS

It seems you have just broken the school record for the 800 metres.

I'm holding try-outs this afternoon

for the school cross country race tomorrow, I suppose you should come.

-That was amazing!

-Really?

-But all I did was run.

-Exactly.

Is running considered "cool"?

Winning is cool and you were

-way better than anyone else out there.

-You rock.

What does she mean, "I rock"?

I'm not a mineral matter of variable composition. What does it all mean?

They're impressed by you, Sophie.

Nice work, Soph. That was wicked.

I have a present for you.

Thanks, a Beijing Guide book.

For the physics conference you were going to.

So why aren't you excited and thanking me?

It's because he's not going. They've given his place to Piper.

But why? The conference is for the pupils with the top grades

and you have the top grades, not Piper.

It doesn't matter, I didn't want to go that much, anyway.

I get travel sick, I go green.

-It's not pretty.

-Still, the place should be yours. It is unjust.

Can we drop the subject now?

If that is what you want.

It is.

Hazel, the strangest thing happened. In English, we were discussing

grammar and I was explaining the correct use of pronouns

in a sentence and nobody rolled their eyes at me!

That is strange. It is virtually impossible not to roll your eyes

at you when you start talking like that.

I know. And a couple of girls asked me if I wanted to "hang"

with them at lunch time.

It's official, running has made you popular.

It is most disconcerting.

Why? Surely it's nice to be liked?

Is it a serious responsibility.

I have no idea how a popular person is expected to act.

Perhaps I should read up on it. Teach myself their ways.

Do popular people even read?

Page 170, boys and girls. Read up on the use of propaganda

because we are going to talk about that in the next lesson. Thank you.

Jonathan, I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear

you're not going to Beijing, it's such a shame everything

-at school is about money.

-Yeah, thanks.

Oh, so that's why they asked you, of course.

It's because Jonathan's mum's so poor.

THEY LAUGH

David, may I ask you something?

-You are Jonathan's roommate, so I am sure you can be of help.

-Sure.

Jonathan is upset. I would be upset if I were in his position.

Would it be considered impolite for me to press him on the matter,

to encourage him to talk about it?

I don't know.

Or should I respect his desire to keep his feelings bottled?

-I don't know.

-Is that simply an old fashioned way of thinking?

-I don't know.

-What do you mean, "you don't know"?

-You are a boy, aren't you?

-I don't know.

-You don't know if you are a boy?

-No, I know I'm a boy. I mean...

..ask someone who knows about this stuff.

Sophie, please.

One moment.

I wanted to talk to you about Jonathan, but there seems

to be a lot of people here just to watch running.

I think that is because I am "cool" now.

You must be mistaken, Sophie.

-Hey, Soph, good luck.

-Yeah, we'll be cheering for you.

Thank you! You see?

Those girls must be confused.

They can't really think you are cool. They must have noticed that

I wear my school uniform with so much more style than you do.

Well...

Right, then, places everybody.

Wish me luck.

First, second and third place today

will be entered into the school cross country race tomorrow.

And the winner of tomorrow's race will receive a prize.

So do your best, everybody, I'm expecting great things of you all.

LOUD-HAILER SQUEAKS

Right, then.

On your mark, get set...

WHISTLE

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Definitely far more stylish.

I knew it. You are using your abilities.

No, I'm not, I'm running.

No going through walls, no moving things with my mind.

You've been levitating, haven't you?

I didn't mean to, I'll try not to.

I don't want to win unfairly.

Feet on the ground from now on.

I... I didn't want to take your place.

I thought you should know. I hate this situation, too.

It's all right. It's not your fault.

In that case, would you help me revise physics for the trip?

There's a load of stuff I need to brush up on.

I would love to spend time with you

and painting each other's nails sounds wonderful.

Why will no-one ask me to spend time nail painting with them?

Because you didn't just win a race.

This is so unfair. I still don't know how to help Jonathan.

They invited me to their dorm.

I've never been asked to someone's dorm before. I think...

I think I'm beginning to truly like being popular.

Since when have you cared about such things?

I'm learning that cool people have certain responsibilities.

They're expected to do things like wear their hair in a stylish manner

and always sit at the back of the classroom.

I've noticed that they like to use the word "whatever"

and pretend they don't care about something,

when it's obvious they really do.

And they always carry their school backpacks on just one shoulder.

Never two!

Things which come naturally to me.

Which is why they should be happening to me.

Jonathan...

We have to search through every article on modern men.

It is the only way to learn what to do to make Jonathan feel better.

Do you think that I look more modern with my hair loose?

I think you should be focusing on helping Jonathan.

You're right, sorry.

It says here that models always perfect their runway walk.

Perhaps I need a better walk.

You are meant to be focusing.

I know. It's just that I've been watching other cool people,

like Christine, and they certainly walk differently.

DISCO MUSIC

THEY LAUGH

I think it needs a lot more practice.

Well, perhaps this article is more use.

"If you get tongue-tied around a boy, smile at him.

"89% of boys we asked prefer a girl who smiles."

Or perhaps this one is helpful.

'If a boy seems sad or worried, wait patiently for him to open up to you,

'as he is sure to tell you everything eventually.'

Um, can I just ask,

what are you doing?

We are waiting.

-For what?

-For you to open up.

As you are sure to tell us everything, eventually.

OK, well, um, as nice as this waiting thing is,

-you're kind of making me feel a bit awkward.

-Oh.

I know.

SHE WHISPERS

What are you doing?

We are smiling.

89% of boys prefer a girl who smiles.

-Girls are weird.

-Yeah, agreed!

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

I better take this. Smile at David.

Maybe he'll open up to you!

Hey, Mum?

Actually, this is kind of fun.

THEY GIGGLE

Mum, it doesn't matter, I didn't even want to go.

Yeah, I'm fine. I'm happy.

OK, I'll prove it, I'll sing a happy song.

# Happy, happy, happy, I'm so very happy

# Happy, happy, happy, I'm a happy chappy. #

Yep, see?

Yeah, I will.

OK, bye, Mum.

Yep, love you, too.

Oh, that didn't work at all.

We have to think of something else.

Modern men are just so confusing.

I think I have the answer.

Jonathan is upset because he can't afford to go to Beijing.

Well, tomorrow, I'll win the school cross country race.

I'm certain I could do it, and there's a prize.

But how do you know the prize will be money?

I think prizes are always financial in modern times.

All the TV shows I've seen have the winner receive a large sum of money.

And you would give your prize money to Jonathan?

Of course I would.

So everything is fine again.

GROANING

FOOTSTEPS RUNNING

OWL HOOTS

Except Jonathan appears to be running away.

Stop looking at yourself, Rebecca. Just hurry up.

Hello, dead people?

Are you there?

I could do with a chat, if you've got a minute. Which you should have,

I mean, technically, you've got eternity, right?

And what is wrong with talking to me?

Oh, Rebecca! Sorry, I just thought it would be easier

talking to dead people I didn't know so well.

They will not show themselves, unless I ask them to.

Will you ask them for me?

Agatha, Buddy, Grendel and Sophus, will you show yourselves, please?

When a boy has questions,

sometimes he must seek those with yet more questions.

Except, I was kind of looking for answers.

Answers are arbitrary, my friend.

-All the same?

-You know, I get it. You feel like you don't fit in.

Like you're surrounded by phoneys.

-No, not phoneys, it's just...

-Sweetie, Agatha understands.

You feel like no matter how hard you work, you will never belong

and it's always others who get the opportunities.

Jonathan, is this about the money? Because Sophie is going to give you

her prize money and you can go to Beijing.

She'll do that? For me?

Jonathan, you are our best friend.

We would do anything for you.

Oh, that is so sweet!

No! I did not mean to say that.

I meant, fight, battle, death, gggrrr!

LAUGHTER

So they actually give money for the cross country race?

Jonathan, prizes are always financial.

I thought you would know that.

Rebecca, you know, thanks.

You do not need to thank me,

after all, death wouldn't be worth living without you.

DOOR CREAKS

Good morning.

We are up early, aren't we?

All it needs is a signature from

the head teacher or one of the school governors and you're out.

Mr Griffith, please.

This is a serious business, Rebecca.

Leaving the school without permission,

in the middle of the night and in your pyjamas -

have either of you got anything to say in your defence?

Rebecca had nothing to do with it. I left the school grounds.

It's my fault. Rebecca only came to persuade me to come back.

So you went running round the bush, in your pyjamas,

simply to persuade Jonathan not to leave?

Good for you.

What?

-What?

-Students like this are what this school is all about.

Risking your neck to help another student. Have a peppermint!

Whereas, you, Jonathan,

have a completely legitimate reason to be upset.

Can I say, once again, how sorry I am about the Beijing trip?

Headmaster, you do not need to be sorry,

my sisters and I are going to raise the money for Jonathan.

Such wonderful spirit. Do let me know how you get on, Rebecca.

Off you both go, then.

HEADMASTER BURPS

Are you all right, sir?

Just a touch of indigestion.

BURPS

Is that all? You see, I thought I would do the warm up this morning.

Get them all into the spirit for the school race this afternoon.

Come along, everybody.

Let's get ready to show some of that natural born sporting ability.

You do realise, don't you, Rebecca, that Sophie has turned into you?

Oh, no! Does that mean I will have to turn into her?

Will I have to start paying attention in class and learn Latin?

No, no!

OK, ladies, now just copy me.

Right. Now, the shoulders.

-Oh!

-Oh!

-Ouch!

-Ouch!

-Ow!

-Ow!

-Argh!

-Argh!

Headmaster, is something wrong?

Yes. It appears there is something very wrong.

I have suspected kidney stones, Miss Sinclair, today of all days.

Don't worry, I'll look after everything.

But the students, the talent just waiting to be nurtured.

It is my job to see that the school breeds only the best.

Like bluebirds singing on a summer's day.

Just as well I get the paperwork, isn't it?

All I need is a signature from a school governor and you two are out.

And guess what? We have a school governor coming

to present the prize this afternoon.

# Everything is going my way. #

There is only one person who can help us now. Come on.

Let me get this straight.

You want me to use my skills of possession, that I have been

honing for years, to go into the body of your headmaster.

Then you want me to sign him out of hospital and drag

his kidney stone addled body back to the school,

in order to stop some governor person signing a piece of paper?

Yes.

SCREAMS: Go, yeah!

OK. I'll do it.

Now we must hurry back. I have a race to win.

Oh, yes, Sophie, sweetie, about that.

What on earth has happened to your morals?

Nothing. I know I've been levitating,

but now I'm really concentrating on keeping my feet on the ground.

But it's still unfair.

Your breath control and physical stamina are different

from living humans and give you an advantage.

Oh.

But people keep calling me Soph,

which is grammatically lazy, but nonetheless, really very nice

and I have to race for Jonathan.

First prize. Concert tickets.

That's hardly going to get Jonathan to Beijing.

So what now, Sophie?

Are you still going to compete?

I cannot. I have always prided myself on my conscience.

CHEERING

They have made me banners!

And now they are chanting.

Oh, I have to race for my fans.

You're not doing it for your fans, you are doing it for yourself.

No. It is for them. Because when people have someone to cheer for,

they need to cheer for that person,

because the cheering makes them cheerful?

You have become shallow and I have become earnest!

I simply like being liked.

Sophie, you're clever, and Hazel is fearless.

Now you're popular, too.

CHEERING

Leaving me with nothing.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Psst!

Thought I'd run with you. Don't mind, do you, sweetie?

They can't see me, darling. Don't worry.

What are you doing here?

Joining in. Isn't this jolly?

On your marks,

get set...

Shouldn't you be at the hospital possessing Griffith?

The school governor's due any minute.

She's just pulling up now, actually.

That must be her.

Let's get Sophie, quick.

Where are we going?

I really don't know, but I think speed is of the utmost importance.

Get a move on, sweetie. They're clipping at your heels.

You're not helping.

What is wrong, hon? You seem a little stressed.

I just want you to help Jonathan and Rebecca like you said you would.

-They need you and I don't.

-No offence, hon, but you are not

exactly the definition of speed today, perhaps it is all that

worrying about other people, taking your focus.

There is still time to catch up, you can win this,

But I don't want to win this.

Hey, where are you going?

I've got a governor to delay, and you've got a headmaster to possess.

Now what?

Well, now, when they get here we do something, and...

Don't you have a race to win?

No, I don't, but I do have an idea to help Jonathan.

'Listen, Claire, I came to award a prize, not to expel anyone.'

'It's just a formality.'

We just have to stop her signing that form first.

SCREAMING

Oh, she has fainted. If only there was someone, anyone

-to help me carry her to the First Aid.

-I can help.

REBECCA: 'Sophie, we've got to stop them,

'you take the pen, I'll get the paper.'

Are you sure that girl was all right? She was very strange.

The way she just leapt up and said, "I'm fine",

just as the nurse was about to check her pulse.

She's fine.

Your signature?

AGATHA'S VOICE: 'I'll take that Sinclair. Thank you.'

What are you doing here, I thought you were...

Dead? Sorry to disappoint.

Mrs Heathfield, I believe?

Let's go exploring. I realise you probably know your way around,

but my tour is especially good because I do it all by the medium...

of song!

Do-de-da de-do-de-da-de-de.

LAUGHTER

# The science lab is really fab

# The art room's got vavoom

# The drama studio is really coolio

# Our school's got a lot of boom! #

That's the tour over. What shall we do now?

I think we've got a little time on our hands before the prize giving,

how does peach cordial in the library sound?

-Perfect.

-Yeah, yeah!

Headmaster, that's the toilet, the library is this way.

I knew that.

Headmaster Griffith, you're still wearing a pink head band.

I was in a hurry, there wasn't time to...

so I decided to wear pink.

We were wondering if you and Mrs Heathfield could spare a moment.

So in order to raise the funds...

for this brilliant student to go to Beijing...

this brilliant student who helps girls when they faint

-for no apparent reason.

-We thought we could have a charity dinner

for you and all the other school governors.

I think it's a wonderful idea.

I will happily attend and I'll make sure all the governors attend, too.

You are all so smart.

Go don't you agree, Miss Sinclair?

-Aren't you both amazed and impressed by these girls?

-Well, I suppose so.

Well, say it, out loud,

now, or I might smack, sack you.

I'm amazed and impressed by these girls.

LAUGHTER

I still can't believe you did that for me.

We're not being expelled and you're going to Beijing.

Haven't I said thank you enough?

Well, too much, actually. You can go back to being repressive.

Sophie, are you still spending Saturday afternoon

painting your nails?

I've been officially uninvited since quitting the race.

It is probably just as well.

You're simply not suited to being cool, unlike me, of course.

-Of course!

-I did learn something from you, though.

Cool people do walk differently.

Perhaps it is the one thing stopping me from becoming popular.

So I have been working on my walk. What do you think?

DISCO MUSIC

I think it needs a lot more practise!

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