Grendel's Cold Dead Gorgeous


Grendel's Cold

Three Victorian sisters experience life as 21st-century teenagers. What should have been a quiet time for the girls turns into 24 hours of chaos.


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Transcript


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# Some things have changed

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# Some things have stayed the same

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# Life and death are not so far apart

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# Oh! I'm walking through the walls

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# And I wouldn't have it any other way

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# Life and death are not so far apart

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# From where we are

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# Some things have changed

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# Some things have stayed the same

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# Life and death are not so far apart. #

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Come along, children, all aboard.

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If only we had somewhere exciting to go this half term.

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Yet we may still have a wonderful time.

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I intend to paint and embroider.

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It will be as our holidays used to be.

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I do not understand how things could ever be as they were.

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I know they cannot, yet I would like to try.

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Well, I intend to embrace the new.

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By looking through a magazine?

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Miss Ideas replied to my letter, look!

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"Dear Miss Ideas, how may I make the most of my holiday?

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"In the past, my sisters and I embroidered,

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"yet this holiday I wish for something far more modern.

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"Please help."

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Here are Miss Ideas' top tips for a lush holiday.

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"Tip one, lip gloss and sun screen are a must.

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"Tip two, be careful with your belongings. Statistics show

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-"people are three times more likely to be robbed whilst on holiday."

-Oh!

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-Goodness!

-"And tip three, always wear sunglasses."

-Oh!

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You see how quickly I adapt!

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Oh!

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The bus is leaving now with the remaining students.

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And Headmaster Griffith thinks we're travelling with our guardian.

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Oh!

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Come to the common room in 20 minutes - I have a plan!

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From what I have observed from television,

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modern holidays always involve eating far too much.

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Balloons also seemed appropriate,

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and acting in a slovenly manner is actually encouraged.

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They also seem to involve being with one's family,

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and I know that that cannot happen,

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but with the other pupils away, we may have the next best thing,

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our ghost family!

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-Atchoo!

-Happy holidays!

-Hi!

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Yet why are you allowed to leave the graveyard?

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The boundaries that constrict us are of our own making,

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and with Agatha attending the Inhuman Resources Conference,

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she can't stop us, you know?

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Books!

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Plus looking at the same four gravestones day in and day out,

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super dull.

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Aye, it's nice to have a change of scenery.

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And we will have so much fun acting slovenly together

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and eating far too much.

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Atchoo!

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Well, that wasn't me! I don't have a cold.

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Warriors don't get colds - their bodies are far too strong. Grrr!

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Atchoo!

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You most certainly do have a cold.

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But how can you catch a cold, you're a... You're a ghost?

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Well, it's very honourable to die in battle, but...

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Grendel did not die in battle.

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No, I was on my way to battle.

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I was all geared up for some serious enemy crushing

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and then I got a cold. Atchoo!

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And then I died and I never got to crush my enemies.

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Her cold returns a few times a year.

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-Atchoo! Actually, I call it Bob.

-You call your cold Bob?

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Aye, it's been around for a very long time.

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He comes back to remind me of my dishonourable death.

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-But don't sweat it, you can't catch it.

-Oh, no, no, no!

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No, you see, Bob is a cold that only affects the living and me.

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A-a-a-a...

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atchoo!

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SCOTTISH MUSIC

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Oh, that's nasty.

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I'm sorry.

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RETCHING

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I must away to sunbathe.

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Headmaster, Jonathan, why have you all returned?

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The school bus broke down.

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And until it's fixed, we won't be going anywhere.

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But what are you doing here?

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I thought your plans involved travelling with your guardian?

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Well, yes, indeed, they certainly do,

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and my guardian has been delayed until tomorrow.

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You're on the same boat as the rest of us, then.

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Oh, Christine,

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-will this affect your exotic trip with your parents?

-I don't care.

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She's still hoping David will ask her skiing instead.

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Skiing with David? I do not know precisely what skiing entails,

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yet it does seem a terribly modern way to holiday.

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Don't get too excited, because he's not going to ask you, is he?

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Well, he may.

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Look, you're weird, and I have amazing hair.

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It's obvious I'll win. I always do.

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Grendel's cold!

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Oh, Christine?

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Oh, terribly sorry,

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I just noticed you had a little something on your lip there.

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You are such a freak!

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Stand aside, kids, and I'll open up.

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Oh, no, the ghosts!

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Atchoo!

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Atchoo!

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Quickly, everyone! They have returned.

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-Who has?

-Mr Griffith and the bus full of students!

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-Now hasten, all of you, to the attic!

-Hurry, we must go.

-I'm going!

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Hey, what's...what's with all the balloons?

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So everyone has returned?

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Indeed, and now everyone is watching my DVDs and eating my crisps!

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And our home is a school once more

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and therefore even less like holidays used to be.

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Well, on the plus side,

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at least now I have a chance to have a truly modern holiday with David.

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-Skiing?

-Yes.

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Yeah, so I think I'm going to go check out the scene.

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Buddy, you cannot risk it! Our secret must not be discovered.

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Hey, no-one tells the Budmaster what to do.

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Buddy!

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Right, well, I'm going too.

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I want to see if the living can still feel my wrath!

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But, Grendel, no! Please come back!

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Wait for me!

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Buddy, Grendel, please!

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There are many other pleasant forms of recreation.

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I could teach you to embroider! It is most rewarding.

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Who's Buddy and Grendel and why are you wearing that?

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These clothes are my holiday attire.

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And Buddy and Grendel?

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They are my imaginary friends.

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You have imaginary friends who you talk to?

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HE LAUGHS

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Yes, Charlie. Yes, I do.

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BUZZING

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Now, if you'll excuse me, I must speak with them urgently.

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-Hello, Charlie.

-Hi, Hazel.

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I hope you've come to help me contain the ghosts.

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'Atchoo!'

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But they are dead ghosts, not living ones,

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so others can't see them, remember?

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That is not the point and, besides,

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they may not be able to see them, but they can most definitely hear them.

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SCOTTISH MUSIC

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Come on, show me what you've got! Yeah, show me what you're made of!

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My goodness, what is happening?

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Sophie, look, Grendel is challenging a suit of armour!

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Is it not entertaining?

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-No, it is not!

-Come on!

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Well, I'm...I'm going to go check out the Music Room.

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You, I can take you down, come on!

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See you later, babe!

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Shouldn't you go after him? I'll deal with things here.

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Hey! Hey! Hey!

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Chill out, Sophie.

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Grendel, listen to me, it is only a suit of armour you shout at.

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What are you doing, Sophie?

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Why, I am talking with the suit of armour

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as it is a custom among my people.

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What, Brits?

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Yes, why not?

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Atchoo!

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Hey, guys, I've been looking for you everywhere.

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Yeah, well, we're not talking to you right now.

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You made us ill.

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But that... That wasn't my fault!

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Yeah, well, it's still really annoying.

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Freak!

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"I put my hand over his icy cold cheek."

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Love On The Fang?

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I've never read anything like it.

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It's about the complex love between girl and vampire.

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He wants to suck her blood, but he's such a dreamboat!

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And the world just doesn't understand.

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Well, for a book, it sounds rather good.

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"We come from such different worlds..."

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But now I must away to convince David

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I am the perfect skiing companion.

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"No, Melanie, forgive him!

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"He can't help it, he's just so dark!

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"We must fight to stay together at all costs..."

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Atchoo!

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David, how are you,

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and have I mentioned that I have rather vague plans this holiday?

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Indeed, they are plans that could easily be changed,

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-in case you were wondering.

-Atchoo!

-Oh.

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I'm actually not feeling that great.

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Oh, heavens.

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Have you seen Christine? Please tell me you have not.

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I was sitting next to her in the common room. There were crisps...

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Atchoo!

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Man, I feel bad.

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I'm going to go lie down.

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Oh, do not worry, David, I will tend to you.

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Atchoo!

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Atchoo!

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Hazel, the guitar, it's...it's floating!

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Can you see it?

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No, no, I cannot.

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Atchoo!

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I don't get it.

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Look, Mattie, you were ill,

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it's making you delirious, you're imagining things. Whoo!

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Oh, it's cold in here.

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Right, honestly, really delirious.

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Imagining coldness and floating guitars!

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GUITAR PLAYS

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-Come, I'll take you to bed.

-But...

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Do not worry, David, I will watch over you

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until you are well once more.

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Atchoo!

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-Oh, not you too!

-Yeah.

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What about looking after me, your best and also very ill friend?

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Nothing will happen if I nurse you back to health.

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What do you think is going to happen if you make David better?

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He will fall in love with me, of course!

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Surely you must know that, Jonathan?

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I love it. I want it.

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I need it! Atchoo!

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Well, try it on, then.

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It's certainly your type of outfit.

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In this armour, I will be unstoppable!

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SCOTTISH MUSIC

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Atchoo!

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Oh, it's a bit heavy, but I will get used to it.

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I will be unstoppable.

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Atchoo!

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Headmaster, have you caught Bob too?

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I fear he may be running through the school at great speed now.

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What? Atchoo! Who's Bob?

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And why is he running?

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Never mind, Sophie, I'll catch him.

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I meant to say, have you caught a cold, Headmaster?

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Perhaps you should retire?

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Atchoo!

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You're right, Sophie. Perhaps that would make me feel better.

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I'm putting you in charge for now.

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COUGHING

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This is bad. Terribly bad.

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Everybody, if you go to your beds, I will tend to you.

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Please, you must rest!

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I can save this situation.

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I simply have to do what our darling governess, Mildred, would have done.

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But what must I do first?

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I know what to do! We should get Love On The Fang II!

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Melanie and Christian are adorable, you know?

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When he bites her, it's just so romantic.

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"No man will ever love me as you do. An emotional..."

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I know, Aunt Mildred's medicine!

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Once everyone has taken it, they will feel so much better,

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and then I may finally paint.

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I must away and prepare a batch.

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You must be brave and take your medicine.

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OK, A, I'm not five and, B,

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that stuff really stinks. Can't I just take some cold remedy?

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This is cold remedy and it is the best cold remedy.

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Once you have taken it, you'll feel much better, I can assure you.

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Open wide.

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Come on, there's a good girl!

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Urgh, that stuff tastes foul...

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I think I'm going to be sick!

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Goodness! I'm sure this medicine has not made anyone else feel so poorly.

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COUGHING AND RETCHING

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I'm unstoppable! Feel my wrath.

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Grendel, no! No!

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Atchoo!

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Do not be alarmed, I fetched the suit of armour.

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It was me, nobody else.

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Who else could it possibly be?

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But why?

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I thought it may make you feel better.

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What is wrong with you?

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Apparently everything.

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I'm sorry I'm so upset, it is just, although my plans were slight,

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I was truly looking forward to things being as they were.

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But then we turned up.

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And the pupils came back.

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And I made everybody ill.

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Oh, actually, that may not have been entirely your fault.

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I...um,

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I wiped my hanky on Christine.

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I was trying to ruin her chances of holidaying with David.

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I did not mean to make everybody sick.

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-I am truly sorry, Sophie.

-As am I.

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I let myself get carried away having fun with Buddy and Grendel.

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Oh, I'm so sorry, Sophie.

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We will make it up to you.

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Yeah, we'll put everything right.

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-What can you do to make things better?

-You'll see.

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Christine, why are you here?

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Because my friends are mad at me for giving them this stupid cold.

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Oh.

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What's going on?

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Oh, David, do not worry, it is me, Rebecca.

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I have been tending to you tirelessly.

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-Atchoo!

-Oh.

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Oh, right. Cheers.

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Do you not have anything else you wish to say to me?

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Um, no.

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Really? Nothing you want to say to me? Nothing at all?

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Why will you not ask me skiing?

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Why, David, why, why, why?

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-Do you want to come skiing?

-Well, yes, please.

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OK, sure. Mum and Dad's lodge is massive,

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so there's a ton of spare rooms.

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Oh!

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You don't look very happy for a girl who had just got what she wanted.

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Well, I had imagined it would be so much more romantic.

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Well, you still annoyed Christine.

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That's normally a plus, right?

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Normally, yet I have acted appallingly and...

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..well, I actually have no idea what skiing is.

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-Atchoo!

-Oh!

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Oh, oh, let me help you.

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Oh, you have sick in your hair.

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I mean, there, there, do not worry.

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Listen, I'm sorry about everything.

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I did not think you would mind of my going skiing with David,

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as you have such an exciting trip planned with your parents.

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Yeah, but...you have some plan to go travelling with your guardian, so...

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Actually, I do not. It was a lie. Therefore, skiing seemed like

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the perfect opportunity to do something exciting on my holiday.

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Yeah, well, mine too.

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I do not understand.

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You're not the only one who lies, Rebecca, or feels like you've

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got to make out your life's better than it actually is.

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So there is no exotic trip?

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Atchoo!

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There's an exotic trip...

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for my parents.

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They're going to some five-star resorts in the Maldives, only...

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Only I'm not invited. I'm getting palmed off on to my aunt.

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Atchoo!

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You know, you're lucky, Rebecca -

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you get to be with your sisters, and that's what the holidays are about.

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I have a theory, and in order for it to work,

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I need to be certain of something.

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As Bob caused your death rather than battle,

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do you think your death was really dishonourable?

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COUGHING

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Come and see, Grendel.

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Look at the pupils, Grendel,

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and tell me, do they seem dishonourable?

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No, they're just sick.

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Atchoo!

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Which means, Grendel, that there was nothing

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dishonourable in your illness, either.

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It is not your fault, Grendel.

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FAST SCOTTISH MUSIC

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BURPS

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Oh, he's gone!

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Bob's gone.

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Oh, I feel much better and stronger.

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I do not understand.

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As long as Grendel continued to blame herself, Bob stayed with her.

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-He was merely a symptom of her own guilt.

-See?

-Oh! Oh.

0:21:200:21:25

Jonathan, David, how are you both?

0:21:280:21:30

-Yeah, loads better.

-Yeah, me too.

0:21:300:21:34

Good. David, may I first thank you for your kind offer

0:21:340:21:37

to accompany you skiing? However, I have realised that I must

0:21:370:21:41

spend this holiday with my sisters. You should ask Christine instead.

0:21:410:21:45

I feel her schedule may be a little more open to change than mine.

0:21:450:21:49

OK, I'll ask her. Whatever.

0:21:490:21:51

Hey, Rebecca!

0:21:560:21:58

That was pretty big of you.

0:21:580:21:59

Well, I discovered a little more about skiing and I gather that one

0:21:590:22:03

must whoosh and slide through snow, wearing ridiculously large shoes,

0:22:030:22:07

which would not really suit me at all.

0:22:070:22:10

I've been looking everywhere for you. What have you been doing?

0:22:200:22:24

Saving the day! Want to listen?

0:22:260:22:30

ENGINE STARTS UP

0:22:350:22:37

Pretty fine work if I do say so myself.

0:22:380:22:40

Indeed. Pretty fine.

0:22:400:22:43

You did not have to do this, you know.

0:22:470:22:49

Yeah, I know, but you just wanted your holiday

0:22:490:22:52

to remind you how stuff used to be, and I get it.

0:22:520:22:55

So come tomorrow morning, the others can leave.

0:22:550:22:59

We'll get out of your hair too.

0:22:590:23:01

Strange how it just mended itself.

0:23:030:23:06

I took it for a test run this morning, engine purred like a kitten.

0:23:060:23:10

Right, last stragglers and we'll all be set. Now, where's your guardian?

0:23:100:23:15

I can't leave you here to run riot.

0:23:150:23:17

She's waiting over there, Headmaster.

0:23:170:23:19

Oh, hey, Mr Griffith, over here!

0:23:210:23:23

Excellent. Toodles!

0:23:230:23:25

Bye-bye, have a nice holiday!

0:23:250:23:28

Have fun, girls. ..Thanks, driver.

0:23:280:23:30

THEY GIGGLE

0:23:320:23:36

Bye.

0:23:370:23:39

Did it work?

0:23:400:23:42

-Like a dream.

-Oh, cool!

0:23:420:23:44

Well, we'll leave you to enjoy your holiday, then.

0:23:440:23:47

Please, do not go.

0:23:470:23:49

We have learnt that the modern holiday is all about family.

0:23:490:23:53

And we are rather like a family, are we not?

0:23:530:23:56

The balloons are still up, and I found us some more crisps.

0:23:560:23:59

-Well, in that case, then...

-I guess we're going to have to stay!

0:23:590:24:02

Oh, can I dress up in the armour again?

0:24:020:24:05

-OK, cool!

-High five!

0:24:070:24:09

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:24:210:24:24

E-mail [email protected]

0:24:240:24:27

It's half-term break and the sisters discover that family is behind the true meaning of a modern holiday. What should have been a quiet time for the girls turns into 24 hours of chaos with one fast-spreading illness and three out-of-control ghostly house guests.


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