Popcorn Diddy TV
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Transcript
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# Larry Weinsteinberger The Diddy Movies boss | 0:00:00 | 0:00:03 | |
# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss | 0:00:03 | 0:00:06 | |
# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television | 0:00:06 | 0:00:10 | |
# The small screen is the future for those with any vision | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
# With Larry's bottom dollar He's launched a TV station | 0:00:13 | 0:00:16 | |
# Packed with creativity Style and innovation | 0:00:16 | 0:00:20 | |
# Diddy TV, Diddy TV | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
# Channel 6597423 | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
# A brand-new rival for the BBC | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. # | 0:00:29 | 0:00:33 | |
Welcome to Diddy TV, | 0:00:34 | 0:00:37 | |
the world's only TV station that's called Diddy TV...probably. | 0:00:37 | 0:00:41 | |
THE ONE SHOW THEME | 0:00:41 | 0:00:43 | |
# Dom | 0:00:43 | 0:00:44 | |
# Dom... | 0:00:44 | 0:00:46 | |
# Dom! # | 0:00:46 | 0:00:48 | |
Hello, you lucky, lucky people and welcome to The Dom Show, | 0:00:48 | 0:00:52 | |
the programme all about how wonderful I am. | 0:00:52 | 0:00:55 | |
But first, here's my grandpa, | 0:00:55 | 0:00:56 | |
who will be carving a sculpture. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
Do you know, I have never carved a sculpture in my entire life! | 0:00:59 | 0:01:04 | |
Oh, don't worry, Grandpoo, because your inspiration will be | 0:01:04 | 0:01:07 | |
your most favourite thing in the whole world. | 0:01:07 | 0:01:09 | |
A pair of slippers? | 0:01:09 | 0:01:11 | |
-A pair of... No! Me! -Oh. | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
-Well, here he is again, come to spoil everything. -Me! No. | 0:01:15 | 0:01:19 | |
I've just come to watch. | 0:01:19 | 0:01:20 | |
All right, well, don't interfere. Behave. | 0:01:20 | 0:01:22 | |
Oh, b-bottoms! | 0:01:22 | 0:01:25 | |
Don't worry, Grandpoo. | 0:01:25 | 0:01:27 | |
Yes, I can see the likeness. | 0:01:27 | 0:01:29 | |
A really big head. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
Here, Grandpa, | 0:01:31 | 0:01:33 | |
why didn't you tell everyone about Dom's fourth birthday party? | 0:01:33 | 0:01:37 | |
No, no, no, Grandpoo, we don't want to hear about that. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:40 | |
Don't be silly! | 0:01:40 | 0:01:41 | |
This is The Dom Show - I'll tell you what, I'll ask the chummy crew. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:45 | |
You all want to hear about Dom's fourth birthday party, don't you? | 0:01:45 | 0:01:48 | |
CHEERING | 0:01:48 | 0:01:50 | |
Oh, really?! | 0:01:50 | 0:01:52 | |
When he was four years old, | 0:01:52 | 0:01:54 | |
Dom really wanted a bike for his birthday. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:58 | |
Shut up, shut up! | 0:01:58 | 0:02:00 | |
But he got a scooter instead. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:02 | |
He was so upset, he cried throughout his whole party | 0:02:02 | 0:02:05 | |
and flushed his cake down the loo! | 0:02:05 | 0:02:09 | |
And then... | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
And then the loo exploded! | 0:02:11 | 0:02:13 | |
The loo exploded! | 0:02:14 | 0:02:16 | |
THUMP! | 0:02:16 | 0:02:18 | |
Oh, look, his head's dropped off! | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
Introducing a new airline for a different class of traveller. | 0:02:24 | 0:02:28 | |
Terrified people! | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
Yes, welcome to Nervous Airlines, the world's most frightened airline. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:37 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:02:37 | 0:02:39 | |
If the thought of hovering thousands of feet above the Earth makes you... | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
PHHRRTT! | 0:02:44 | 0:02:45 | |
..yourself, with Nervous Airlines, you can sit back, | 0:02:45 | 0:02:48 | |
relax and enjoy your flight... | 0:02:48 | 0:02:50 | |
because we never take off! | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
-RADIO: -'Tower to Nervous Airlines.' -HE YELLS | 0:02:53 | 0:02:55 | |
We're so scared of flying, | 0:02:57 | 0:02:58 | |
we just sit motionless on the runway for six hours, | 0:02:58 | 0:03:02 | |
bringing entire airports to a standstill, | 0:03:02 | 0:03:05 | |
but allowing you to enjoy a tasty meal or watch a movie. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:10 | |
Nervous Airlines, come fly with the people who never fly, | 0:03:12 | 0:03:16 | |
so nothing can ever go wrong. | 0:03:16 | 0:03:18 | |
# He's a robot, he's our pop. # | 0:03:21 | 0:03:23 | |
He's Robopop! | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
Hey, Susie, did I tell you it's my birthday today? | 0:03:28 | 0:03:31 | |
Um, let me think... | 0:03:31 | 0:03:32 | |
Oh, yeah, about a million times already. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
-Zingo! -CANNED LAUGHTER | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
# He's a robot, he's our pop. # | 0:03:37 | 0:03:38 | |
He's Robopop! | 0:03:38 | 0:03:40 | |
Hey, kids! | 0:03:40 | 0:03:42 | |
BOTH: Hey, Robopop! | 0:03:42 | 0:03:44 | |
Oh, looks like Pops crashed again! | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
CANNED LAUGHTER | 0:03:49 | 0:03:52 | |
Control, alt, delete. | 0:03:52 | 0:03:54 | |
FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS | 0:03:54 | 0:03:57 | |
Hey, Jacko, looking forward to your party tonight? | 0:03:57 | 0:04:01 | |
I sure am, Pop! | 0:04:01 | 0:04:02 | |
-What've you got planned? -What have I...what have I...what have I... | 0:04:02 | 0:04:05 | |
Does not compute. | 0:04:05 | 0:04:07 | |
Isn't your mum sorting that out? | 0:04:07 | 0:04:09 | |
Um, no, Mum left you in charge, remember? | 0:04:11 | 0:04:14 | |
I have a 90 giga-res hard drive with quantum access memory. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:18 | |
Of course I remember. | 0:04:18 | 0:04:20 | |
You forgot, didn't you, Pop? | 0:04:20 | 0:04:22 | |
What did you forget, dear? | 0:04:24 | 0:04:26 | |
How much I love you, my bi-bi-bi-binary one! | 0:04:26 | 0:04:29 | |
I'm going out to pick up your gift, Jack. | 0:04:30 | 0:04:32 | |
We got you something you deserve. | 0:04:32 | 0:04:35 | |
A used napkin? | 0:04:35 | 0:04:37 | |
Zingo! | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
And I'll have everything set up by the time you get back. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:42 | |
Trust me! | 0:04:42 | 0:04:43 | |
T-T-T-T-Trust me! | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
And that's the last one. | 0:04:49 | 0:04:51 | |
How come I have to blow up my own birthday balloons anyway? | 0:04:51 | 0:04:54 | |
Duh, because you're full of hot air! | 0:04:54 | 0:04:58 | |
Zinga-ringa-dinga! | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
Run the programme B 1-3. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
Looking great, Dad. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:07 | |
It's just a shame he didn't have any time to arrange | 0:05:07 | 0:05:09 | |
-any entertainment, huh? -Oh, didn't I? | 0:05:09 | 0:05:12 | |
BELL RINGS | 0:05:12 | 0:05:14 | |
Introducing the world-famous magician, the amazing Robobabini! | 0:05:14 | 0:05:18 | |
Um, are you sure about this, Pop? | 0:05:20 | 0:05:23 | |
Of course! 99.999999% sure! | 0:05:23 | 0:05:28 | |
Well, it's the other 0.0000001% I am afraid of. | 0:05:29 | 0:05:32 | |
Good point! | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
I better practise my big trick. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
Run programme MAG 1-C. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
BOTH: No, no, no! Stop! Abort! | 0:05:39 | 0:05:42 | |
There goes your new games console. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:57 | |
-Was this your card? -Robopop! | 0:05:58 | 0:06:02 | |
Now, that's what I call magic, eh, Bruno? | 0:06:05 | 0:06:08 | |
What did you think? | 0:06:08 | 0:06:10 | |
It was a runaway pig of a show and I give it... | 0:06:10 | 0:06:13 | |
Oh, ten out of ten! Top marks! You're a gent! | 0:06:13 | 0:06:17 | |
What? Oh, they're the wrong way around. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:20 | |
One out of ten?! | 0:06:20 | 0:06:22 | |
Wait, it's meant to be 0.1! | 0:06:22 | 0:06:26 | |
Here is the decimal point. | 0:06:26 | 0:06:28 | |
Oh, Bruno, you're killing me! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
Greetings, greetings, greetings. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:39 | |
And welcome once more to Diddy Pops! | 0:06:39 | 0:06:41 | |
Tonight, we have a special one-off performance | 0:06:41 | 0:06:44 | |
from the dance troupe sensation | 0:06:44 | 0:06:46 | |
known to every one of us as Didversity! | 0:06:46 | 0:06:49 | |
MUSIC: Popcorn by Gershon Kingsley | 0:06:57 | 0:06:59 | |
EVERYONE SCREAMS, CRASH! | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
Well, that was something. And here's something else. I love my job. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:02 | |
Welcome to Deadly Diddy 60, | 0:08:07 | 0:08:09 | |
where I find the 60 of the scariest diddy animals in the world | 0:08:09 | 0:08:13 | |
and tickle them till they squeal. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:15 | |
Dom, get in here! | 0:08:15 | 0:08:17 | |
I look ridiculous. | 0:08:22 | 0:08:23 | |
You always look ridiculous, Dom. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
I've just accessorised. | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
Anyway, you'll be glad about it when you meet... | 0:08:27 | 0:08:31 | |
the piranha shark! | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
In you get. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:35 | |
No! You get in! | 0:08:35 | 0:08:37 | |
I can't swim, Dom! | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
What are you, some kind of monster? | 0:08:39 | 0:08:41 | |
-Well, fair point. -So... | 0:08:41 | 0:08:44 | |
Right, I am not getting in there! | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
-How about for 10p? -Do I look daft to you? | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
-20p? -All right, you're on. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
HE SCREAMS | 0:08:55 | 0:08:56 | |
Dom, are you already in there? Has he got you yet? | 0:08:58 | 0:09:01 | |
No, the water is freezing. Ta-ra, I'll be all right when I'm in. | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
Oh, it's just like being in a Jacuzzi. | 0:09:06 | 0:09:10 | |
A big, terrifying, man-eating Jacuzzi. | 0:09:10 | 0:09:13 | |
Here's one. And there's another... Ah! | 0:09:18 | 0:09:21 | |
This is no time for skinny-dipping. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
Until next time, dare to be scared! | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
YODELLING | 0:09:32 | 0:09:35 | |
Now a quiz show so terrifying you'll change your trousers | 0:09:37 | 0:09:40 | |
when you hear the theme tune. | 0:09:40 | 0:09:42 | |
MASTERMIND THEME | 0:09:42 | 0:09:45 | |
Hello and welcome to Diddymind. | 0:09:48 | 0:09:51 | |
Please welcome today's contestants, Diddy Dick and Dom. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:55 | |
On your last appearance, you scored zero points on your chosen | 0:09:57 | 0:10:00 | |
-subject of Diddy Dick and Dom. -Well, they were very hard questions! | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
Now it's time for the general knowledge round. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Your time starts now. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:09 | |
By what nickname is the actor Humphrey Bogart known? | 0:10:09 | 0:10:12 | |
-Bogie! -Correct. | 0:10:12 | 0:10:14 | |
What is the score of one over par in golf? | 0:10:14 | 0:10:17 | |
-Bogey. -Correct! | 0:10:17 | 0:10:19 | |
A nameless creature invoked to scare children into behaving | 0:10:19 | 0:10:22 | |
is known as a what-man? | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
-Bogey! -Correct. | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
What is the name of the metal framework that houses | 0:10:26 | 0:10:29 | |
the wheels of a train? | 0:10:29 | 0:10:30 | |
-Bogie! -Correct. | 0:10:30 | 0:10:33 | |
What codename is given to an unidentified object | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
on a radar screen? | 0:10:36 | 0:10:37 | |
-BOGEY! -Correct. | 0:10:37 | 0:10:39 | |
The famous tune featured in the film | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
Bridge Over The River Kwai is the Colonel what? | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
Bogey! | 0:10:44 | 0:10:47 | |
Correct. | 0:10:49 | 0:10:50 | |
What river is a tributary of | 0:10:50 | 0:10:52 | |
the River Deveron in northeast Scotland? | 0:10:52 | 0:10:54 | |
-Bogie! -Correct. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
What is the name of the award given in Germany | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
-to films that... -BEEPING | 0:10:59 | 0:11:00 | |
I've started, so I'll finish. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
What is the name of the award given in Germany | 0:11:02 | 0:11:05 | |
to films that have been seen by over one million people? | 0:11:05 | 0:11:08 | |
BOTH: Bogey... | 0:11:08 | 0:11:14 | |
Correct. At the end of that round, | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
you have eight points with no passes, | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
which means you win today's special prize of a giant... | 0:11:18 | 0:11:21 | |
BOTH: Bogey... | 0:11:21 | 0:11:28 | |
Correct! | 0:11:28 | 0:11:29 | |
Well... Come on, Bruno! What do you score a Diddymind? One or a nothing? | 0:11:36 | 0:11:40 | |
What? Oh, no, I'm not trying to score a show. | 0:11:40 | 0:11:43 | |
Then what are you doing? | 0:11:43 | 0:11:45 | |
I'm trying to land an aeroplane, of course! | 0:11:45 | 0:11:48 | |
AEROPLANE ENGINE ROARS | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
Oh, I'm so very good at my job! | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
It's the Belch! | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
SILENCE | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
SILENCE | 0:12:29 | 0:12:31 | |
Ooh, she's got belch fright. I've seen it before. | 0:12:33 | 0:12:36 | |
REVERBERATING BELCH | 0:12:50 | 0:12:56 | |
AUDIENCE CHEERS | 0:13:02 | 0:13:05 | |
You're going to be a star! | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
What about those contestants? The stars of tomorrow, eh, Bruno? | 0:13:14 | 0:13:17 | |
Hmm, yes... | 0:13:17 | 0:13:20 | |
Distant, full of gas and when I see them, I want to go to sleep. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:25 | |
Oh, so, that'll be another low mark, then? | 0:13:25 | 0:13:28 | |
For the contestants, yes. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:30 | |
But the judges are crazy, funny, snappily dressed! | 0:13:30 | 0:13:34 | |
My kind of people! | 0:13:34 | 0:13:36 | |
I feel a samba coming on! Hit it, baby! | 0:13:38 | 0:13:40 | |
SAMBA MUSIC PLAYS | 0:13:40 | 0:13:43 | |
Well, that's quite enough of all that. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
I suggest we all bark like Dobermans instead. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:47 | |
-Goodbye. -BARKING | 0:13:47 | 0:13:49 | |
# Diddy TV, Diddy TV | 0:13:50 | 0:13:53 | |
# Channel 6597423 | 0:13:53 | 0:13:55 | |
# A brand-new rival for the BBC | 0:13:55 | 0:13:58 | |
# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV | 0:13:58 | 0:14:02 | |
# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. # | 0:14:06 | 0:14:08 |