Popcorn Diddy TV


Popcorn

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# Larry Weinsteinberger The Diddy Movies boss

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# His last few films have flopped with catastrophic money loss

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# So he's ditching Diddy Movies for the thrill of television

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# The small screen is the future for those with any vision

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# With Larry's bottom dollar He's launched a TV station

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# Packed with creativity Style and innovation

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# Diddy TV, Diddy TV

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# Channel 6597423

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# A brand-new rival for the BBC

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# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

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Welcome to Diddy TV,

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the world's only TV station that's called Diddy TV...probably.

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THE ONE SHOW THEME

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# Dom

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# Dom...

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# Dom! #

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Hello, you lucky, lucky people and welcome to The Dom Show,

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the programme all about how wonderful I am.

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But first, here's my grandpa,

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who will be carving a sculpture.

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Do you know, I have never carved a sculpture in my entire life!

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Oh, don't worry, Grandpoo, because your inspiration will be

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your most favourite thing in the whole world.

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A pair of slippers?

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-A pair of... No! Me!

-Oh.

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-Well, here he is again, come to spoil everything.

-Me! No.

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I've just come to watch.

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All right, well, don't interfere. Behave.

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Oh, b-bottoms!

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Don't worry, Grandpoo.

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Yes, I can see the likeness.

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A really big head.

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Here, Grandpa,

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why didn't you tell everyone about Dom's fourth birthday party?

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No, no, no, Grandpoo, we don't want to hear about that.

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Don't be silly!

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This is The Dom Show - I'll tell you what, I'll ask the chummy crew.

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You all want to hear about Dom's fourth birthday party, don't you?

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CHEERING

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Oh, really?!

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When he was four years old,

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Dom really wanted a bike for his birthday.

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Shut up, shut up!

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But he got a scooter instead.

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He was so upset, he cried throughout his whole party

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and flushed his cake down the loo!

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And then...

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And then the loo exploded!

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The loo exploded!

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THUMP!

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Oh, look, his head's dropped off!

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Introducing a new airline for a different class of traveller.

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Terrified people!

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Yes, welcome to Nervous Airlines, the world's most frightened airline.

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SHE SCREAMS

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If the thought of hovering thousands of feet above the Earth makes you...

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PHHRRTT!

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..yourself, with Nervous Airlines, you can sit back,

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relax and enjoy your flight...

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because we never take off!

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-RADIO:

-'Tower to Nervous Airlines.'

-HE YELLS

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We're so scared of flying,

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we just sit motionless on the runway for six hours,

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bringing entire airports to a standstill,

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but allowing you to enjoy a tasty meal or watch a movie.

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Nervous Airlines, come fly with the people who never fly,

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so nothing can ever go wrong.

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# He's a robot, he's our pop. #

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He's Robopop!

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Hey, Susie, did I tell you it's my birthday today?

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Um, let me think...

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Oh, yeah, about a million times already.

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-Zingo!

-CANNED LAUGHTER

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# He's a robot, he's our pop. #

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He's Robopop!

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Hey, kids!

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BOTH: Hey, Robopop!

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Oh, looks like Pops crashed again!

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CANNED LAUGHTER

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Control, alt, delete.

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FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS

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Hey, Jacko, looking forward to your party tonight?

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I sure am, Pop!

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-What've you got planned?

-What have I...what have I...what have I...

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Does not compute.

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Isn't your mum sorting that out?

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Um, no, Mum left you in charge, remember?

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I have a 90 giga-res hard drive with quantum access memory.

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Of course I remember.

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You forgot, didn't you, Pop?

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What did you forget, dear?

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How much I love you, my bi-bi-bi-binary one!

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I'm going out to pick up your gift, Jack.

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We got you something you deserve.

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A used napkin?

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Zingo!

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And I'll have everything set up by the time you get back.

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Trust me!

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T-T-T-T-Trust me!

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And that's the last one.

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How come I have to blow up my own birthday balloons anyway?

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Duh, because you're full of hot air!

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Zinga-ringa-dinga!

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Run the programme B 1-3.

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Looking great, Dad.

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It's just a shame he didn't have any time to arrange

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-any entertainment, huh?

-Oh, didn't I?

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BELL RINGS

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Introducing the world-famous magician, the amazing Robobabini!

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Um, are you sure about this, Pop?

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Of course! 99.999999% sure!

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Well, it's the other 0.0000001% I am afraid of.

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Good point!

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I better practise my big trick.

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Run programme MAG 1-C.

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BOTH: No, no, no! Stop! Abort!

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There goes your new games console.

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-Was this your card?

-Robopop!

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Now, that's what I call magic, eh, Bruno?

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What did you think?

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It was a runaway pig of a show and I give it...

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Oh, ten out of ten! Top marks! You're a gent!

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What? Oh, they're the wrong way around.

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One out of ten?!

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Wait, it's meant to be 0.1!

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Here is the decimal point.

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Oh, Bruno, you're killing me!

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Greetings, greetings, greetings.

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And welcome once more to Diddy Pops!

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Tonight, we have a special one-off performance

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from the dance troupe sensation

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known to every one of us as Didversity!

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MUSIC: Popcorn by Gershon Kingsley

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EVERYONE SCREAMS, CRASH!

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Well, that was something. And here's something else. I love my job.

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Welcome to Deadly Diddy 60,

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where I find the 60 of the scariest diddy animals in the world

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and tickle them till they squeal.

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Dom, get in here!

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I look ridiculous.

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You always look ridiculous, Dom.

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I've just accessorised.

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Anyway, you'll be glad about it when you meet...

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the piranha shark!

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In you get.

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No! You get in!

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I can't swim, Dom!

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What are you, some kind of monster?

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-Well, fair point.

-So...

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Right, I am not getting in there!

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-How about for 10p?

-Do I look daft to you?

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-20p?

-All right, you're on.

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HE SCREAMS

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Dom, are you already in there? Has he got you yet?

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No, the water is freezing. Ta-ra, I'll be all right when I'm in.

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Oh, it's just like being in a Jacuzzi.

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A big, terrifying, man-eating Jacuzzi.

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Here's one. And there's another... Ah!

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This is no time for skinny-dipping.

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Until next time, dare to be scared!

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YODELLING

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Now a quiz show so terrifying you'll change your trousers

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when you hear the theme tune.

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MASTERMIND THEME

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Hello and welcome to Diddymind.

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Please welcome today's contestants, Diddy Dick and Dom.

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On your last appearance, you scored zero points on your chosen

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-subject of Diddy Dick and Dom.

-Well, they were very hard questions!

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Now it's time for the general knowledge round.

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Your time starts now.

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By what nickname is the actor Humphrey Bogart known?

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-Bogie!

-Correct.

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What is the score of one over par in golf?

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-Bogey.

-Correct!

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A nameless creature invoked to scare children into behaving

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is known as a what-man?

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-Bogey!

-Correct.

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What is the name of the metal framework that houses

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the wheels of a train?

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-Bogie!

-Correct.

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What codename is given to an unidentified object

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on a radar screen?

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-BOGEY!

-Correct.

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The famous tune featured in the film

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Bridge Over The River Kwai is the Colonel what?

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Bogey!

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Correct.

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What river is a tributary of

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the River Deveron in northeast Scotland?

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-Bogie!

-Correct.

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What is the name of the award given in Germany

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-to films that...

-BEEPING

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I've started, so I'll finish.

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What is the name of the award given in Germany

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to films that have been seen by over one million people?

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BOTH: Bogey...

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Correct. At the end of that round,

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you have eight points with no passes,

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which means you win today's special prize of a giant...

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BOTH: Bogey...

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Correct!

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Well... Come on, Bruno! What do you score a Diddymind? One or a nothing?

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What? Oh, no, I'm not trying to score a show.

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Then what are you doing?

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I'm trying to land an aeroplane, of course!

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AEROPLANE ENGINE ROARS

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Oh, I'm so very good at my job!

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It's the Belch!

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SILENCE

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SILENCE

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Ooh, she's got belch fright. I've seen it before.

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REVERBERATING BELCH

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AUDIENCE CHEERS

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You're going to be a star!

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What about those contestants? The stars of tomorrow, eh, Bruno?

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Hmm, yes...

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Distant, full of gas and when I see them, I want to go to sleep.

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Oh, so, that'll be another low mark, then?

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For the contestants, yes.

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But the judges are crazy, funny, snappily dressed!

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My kind of people!

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I feel a samba coming on! Hit it, baby!

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SAMBA MUSIC PLAYS

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Well, that's quite enough of all that.

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I suggest we all bark like Dobermans instead.

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-Goodbye.

-BARKING

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# Diddy TV, Diddy TV

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# Channel 6597423

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# A brand-new rival for the BBC

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# It's Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV

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# Diddy Dick and Dom's Diddy TV. #

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