Choccy Oke Ed and Oucho's Excellent Inventions

# We've got a television show of our own

# Making stuff that's been designed by you lot at home

# Building your inventions the best that we can

# Amongst the rubbish from the back of our van

# We've even got a title that will grab your attention

# Altogether now

# Ed and Oucho's Excellent Inventions. #

This was a great choice of yours, Oucho.

The Choccy-oke, a chocolate covered marshmallow making machine from

Chloe in Huddersfield. We've got everything we need as well.

We can get this made in about a day, I reckon.

Then we can just enjoy the hills of Huddersfield. Are you ready, Oucho?

-Oucho?

-I'm not...hoot.

What do you mean you're not coming out?

This invention was your idea.

Why are you trembling back there like a girly jelly?

I heard the...Lumpas.

Ah, monsters. Yes, I should have known there was a perfectly sensible

-explanation for this.

-Oh.

-Oh... Chloe....Lumpas.

-Chloe's brother told you about them?

Oh...papas.

Sent you this newspaper?

What? Beware of cactus eating monsters. Turn to page 4.

The monsters are extremely scary and dangerous.

These cactus eating monsters can only be tamed with

chocolate covered marshmallows.

-Oucho, this newspaper clearly isn't real.

-Oh.

No. Calm down. Calm down.

Calm down. No shouting in this van. No shouting in this van.

-No, no, no, no, if we make this invention will you calm down?

-A.

OK, come on then.

We're about to surprise Chloe and make her dreams come true.

-You don't think your anti-monster disguise is a bit over the top?

-No.

Ed... rosa?

Why would I want a rose?

I haven't got a girlfriend.

-Ha-ha.

-Oh, it is that again, is it? Ed hasn't got a girlfriend.

Yes, well, I've had one in the past, so...

What do you mean what were their names?

Are you the secret police?

-No, they didn't have moustaches.

-Hm-hmm.

-Argh.

-Hi, Ed. Hi, Oucho.

-Hello. Sorry, he thinks you are a cactus eating monster.

-Help! Help!

-You're not, are you?

-No, I'm not.

-Disguise?

-She is not one in disguise.

-Phew.

-Can we come in?

-Yes.

Oi. Lumpas.

No, we're not eating you like the monsters.

This is a cake in the shape of you that Chloe has very kindly

made for us. Would you like a slice?

No.

It wouldn't make you a cannibal.

I've got work to do.

Now, Chloe, who do you live with?

My mum, my dad, and my older brother Daniel.

Now, it's your brother that I am interested in, where is he now?

Um, well, he's out.

Yes.

Very strange that, because normally

kids are very excited to meet me, you know, international celebrity.

They want my autograph and stuff, but your brother he is nowhere

to be seen. It's suspicious.

-Very suspicious.

-Hurry. Hurry.

-All right, all right, all right.

Let's get on with the invention then.

I need you to put on this, it is the brainstorm helmet.

Now, tell me, why do you want to invent the Choccy-oke?

I'd like to invent the Choccy-oke,

a chocolate making stall that can go anywhere.

It has a microphone so I can sing my favourite songs,

a chocolate fountain so I can dip my marshmallows in,

and whilst waiting for them to dry I will sing my favourite song.

I like the sound of this Choccy-oke. Ever since I was

a kid I always wanted to taste chocolate covered marshmallows.

Unfortunately, it never really worked out.

Edward?

Have you seen that bag of alpaca poo for the garden?

-Ed?

-What? Oh.

Ah, I'm really going to enjoy

this invention, I'm looking forward to those marshmallows.

Sabing ma lie. Sabing ma lie.

Yes, and saving your life from the cactus eating monsters.

-Better be quick then, we've only got three days.

-Three days?

I read in the newspaper

in three days there's going to be thousands of monsters.

Argh! Argh! Help me.

-Another headline from the Daily News Newspaper Of News.

-Help me. No. No.

OK, no time to worry about that.

Let's get inventive.

All this dressing up is just delaying building the machine.

Ready.

Oh, where is Oucho?

I can't see him anywhere.

There's just this frog with a moustache in front of me.

I...

Oh, it's you. Oh, yes, well, your cunning

disguise will definitely work. You won't be eaten by any monsters now.

So can we get on?

Yeah. I don't think you've thought this through properly.

We've got all this stuff but how are we going to power it? It will

need electricity obviously. But how does electricity work?

Oh, Ed...

Yeah, I know you get electricity if you rub a balloon on your head,

but that's not really very helpful, is it?

How about I rub a balloon on my mum's head?

-Ha-ha-ha.

-That's not funny.

That doesn't even make sense. This is pointless.

I need to talk to proper grown-ups, people who know stuff.

People who've done exams. Come on, let's go and see Danielle Darwin.

Oh, hello. I didn't hear you coming in.

Oh, and you brought your talking lizard thing with you.

Hello, you freak of nature.

He's in disguise. He thinks that cactus eating

-monsters are trying to get him.

-Oh, that's a shame.

Danielle,

we're trying to find out what electricity is and how it works.

Everything in the universe is made of molecules.

Even handbags and footballs and puppies.

The molecules are made of something even smaller called atoms.

Atoms have a nucleus with lots of electrons floating around it.

An electron is a teeny tiny particle

that's so small that it doesn't actually take up any space, it's

almost like it's not there at all.

Each electron has a tiny electric charge.

Cos electrons are not stuck together

they can move from one atom to another.

When electrons flow continuously

from atom to atom, this is called electricity.

Oh, that reminds me, Ed, would you like to try this new nail varnish?

It's called electric silver, it would really suit your skin tone.

Er, no, thanks, I don't wear make-up.

Yes, you do. I can see you're wearing tinted moisturiser.

-Actually, you haven't blended it very well.

-Ha-ha. Ha-ha.

Anyway, anyway, back to electricity.

OK, so we need to find something for the electronics to travel on

in a constant stream.

-But what?

-Look at this hairdryer, right? Inside this plastic coating

are loads of wires made of metal.

When I power up this, the electrons come from the power source

along these wires across a stream of atoms into the hairdryer,

giving it the electricity I need to blow-dry my hair.

Or the hair of a football or a puppy.

When I turn it off this stops the stream so the electrons can't flow

-so they're not creating electricity.

-Thanks, Danielle.

Hello, Huddersfield.

Hat, is it?

-Yo, dey. Mm-hm.

-Monster avoiding hat?

Yeah, he'll never see you, you're virtually invisible, aren't you?

-Ha-ha.

-While you've have been hatting yourself up,

look what I've done, I've made Chloe's Choccy-oke.

-Oh. Wow.

-Yeah, it hasn't got everything she wanted, really,

but I'm sure she'll be happy with it.

What with the credit crunch and everything.

Lupus crunch.

-Ha-ha-ha.

-More like the monster crunch?

Yes, yes, great joke.

Makes perfect sense, boom-boom.

Chloe!

-Hi, Ed. Hi, Oucho.

-Hellos.

-Hello, there.

-Hi.

Now, just ignore him, he's in disguise.

Behold with your childlike eyes your Choccy-oke.

-It's rubbish.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

She jumped in a bit quick there. Everyone's a critic.

Come down, have a look.

You will find it has absolutely everything you wanted.

You wanted to make chocolate marshmallows.

Well, you can, you've got a chocolate fountain.

So you can dip them in there, that's the conveyor belt,

they can all run along that. And what's this?

-A microphone.

-Yeah, for karaoke so you can sing

Katie Perry songs. # You're hot and your cold, you do something else...

# You're beans and you're toast. # See?

It doesn't move.

No, it does move, because it is on wheels, you see like that,

so you can move it around.

-Ed, they're roller-skates.

-Well, it doesn't matter, does it?

You wanted it to move, it moves.

-What else don't you like about it?

-It's plugged in.

-Yes, yes, yes.

Electricity comes from plugs.

It's not going to work.

It does work, you can move it around all you like, you see.

Oh, dear. Lucky it wasn't switched on.

Maybe plugs aren't such a good idea after all.

We need electricity that can move.

Yeah, you're right, but what though? We need to have a think.

-Ah, Ed.

-Oucho, keep it down, will you?

-Ed. Ed.

-Lupus. Ed.

-Oucho, look, we're trying to have a think.

-We're trying to sort out a very important problem.

-Oh, oh. Argh.

I don't know what to do, if only there was someone we could ask.

Oucho.

You are a naughty, naughty little cactus.

You're not an innocent bystander in a hat.

The only person stupid enough to be fooled by that stupid hat would have

to be the winner of the world's most stupid competition for very stupid

-people!

-Rights for potatoes! Rights for potatoes!

-Now, what's that noise?

-Rights for potatoes!

Oi, Tree-man.

Actually, I'm an environmentalist.

-But Treeman will do.

-Would you mind keeping the noise down?

-We're trying to find out how electricity works.

-Wait, wait.

Before you go any further, are you a friend of the potatoes?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love potatoes. Potato crisps, yummy.

-What?

-I, I mean, the bags. I collect the bags.

In fact, I protect potatoes. Yeah, potatoes, brilliant.

Good. Yeah.

Cos, potatoes are people too, you know?

Well, technically, they're potatoes.

Anyway, I'll leave you to it.

I'm trying to find out how batteries work.

Probably not your thing, toxins.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. I do hate toxins.

If you hate batteries so much, how are you powering those light bulbs?

Ah. Well. Instead of using nasty chemical batteries, I use natural

acid to create a chemical reaction.

And all from this,

the simple lemon.

Right. A lemon-powered battery.

-Brilliant.

-You can mock all you like.

But the principle of a lemon battery is the same as any other battery.

A lemon battery is essentially a lemon with two pieces of metal

stuck in it. It just uses lemon juice, or citric acid

to create the chemical reaction between two metals.

One of the pieces of metal is made from copper.

And the other piece of metal is made from zinc.

What happens, is that the citric acid reacts with the copper.

It takes away some of the electrons.

The citric acid also reacts with the zinc, but it gives it electrons.

So what you get is zinc, with tons of electrons,

and some copper, with not very many.

If you put a wire between the copper

and the zinc, then all the extra electrons on the zinc

travel along the wire to the copper, where there are not that many.

This creates electricity and lights up those light bulbs.

-Oh, yeah.

-Actually, you couldn't help me, could you?

Because I'm trying to power my entire house with lemons.

It's going to take about 3 million lemons to power it for a week.

Where are you going to get all those lemons from?

Ah, well. I'm going to cut down every single lemon tree in Europe.

And if that doesn't provide enough power, then I'm going to move on

to Asia. There are loads of lemon trees there.

Much more environmentally friendly than nasty, chemical batteries.

Chop down the lemon trees!

-I've had a brilliant idea with no help from anybody else.

-Oh, wow!

We're going to use batteries to power your Choccy-oke.

-Yeah!

-It's obvious, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Where's Oucho gone?

-There.

-Oh, I didn't recognise you, it must be the hat.

-Ha ha!

Let's build this thing!

Good work, team.

This is really coming together.

Oucho, stop trying to eat Chloe's fingers. We're going

to have chocolate-covered marshmallows to eat soon.

Let's have a recap about how this works.

The marshmallows go in the melted chocolate, set on this tray.

Then you pot them on that conveyor belt.

Now, can we please start making some chocolate-covered marshmallows?

Er, they're stuck.

They're stuck, Ed.

This is no good. How are we going to make all these

chocolate-covered marshmallows, if we can't get them off the trays?

They're stuck on.

We got a problem here. We've faced some problems in our time,

-but this is one of the biggest.

-PHONE RINGS

I wonder who that could be?

Hello?

It's the big big cheese.

Oh, boss. You rang at just the right time, actually, because

we're just enjoying some lovely

chocolate-covered marshmallows with Chloe, aren't we?

-Yes, yes.

-Yes. Mmm, yum yum yum yum yum. No.

No no no, we're not lying. Obviously not.

Yes, yes, yes, I know it's against BBC policy to lie. Yes.

Well, you see, the thing is...

sorry, I'm losing the signal. Bye!

This is serious. We could get the sack.

The cactus eating monsters again, I thought we'd forgotten about that.

No, No. They're still around.

Yes, yes. How very realistic!

Ed, we need to find a way to stop the chocolate sticking.

You know how to make things not stick? You can't even speak English.

You used to know Marc Gregoire?

He invented non-stick materials, really?

Ahh, zis washing up is ridiculous.

Three hours. Three French hours I've spent scrubbing zees pans.

Will they ever be clean of the food that's stuck to them?

Non. Non, I cry.

And, look at my petite hands.

They're ruined, I say.

At least I have you, my beautiful wife.

Madame Archer Teabaguette.

I love you. Je t'aime.

Je t'aime. Oui, je t'aime.

But what is this?

It is polytetrafluoroethene? And you made this?

Why are you wasting French hours like zis?

When I have all zis work to do.

Zut alors! Oh, my giddy apple tower,

you have used it to make this non-stick pan!

Oh, Arc de Triomphe!

Now, I no longer have to spend five hours doing the washing up!

Zis is ze greatest use of French hours in all ze history of France.

Maybe the non-stick floor was not such a good idea though, my love.

Aaaahhh, my French leg.

OUCHO WAFFLES

And he was hospitalised for months?

So, you invented non-stick materials?

When you were a French woman?

We sound like we don't believe you?

Really? You big liar.

It was a lie though, wasn't it?

Although, France, cooking.

We could ask Monsieur Pamplemousse, the French chef.

He knows about that sort of thing. Give him a ring.

Oh, yeah, you don't speak English.

Bonjour?

It is I, Monsieur Pamplemousse.

Oh, hello.

Ah, it is Ed Petrie, you horse-faced buffoon.

Why are you phoning me when we're trying to prepare ze dinner?

I'm going to be quick, actually.

We're trying to make chocolate-covered marshmallows.

And, the trouble is, when the chocolate is drying,

it sticks to the trays.

So we need to find something to make it not stick.

Goodness me, you sports-obsessed English person. Why is he allowed on

ze television, whilst I'm banned from all major Freeview channels?

The reason ze chocolate is sticking

is because of ze electrons, you fool!

It's electrons again, stupid electrons.

What school did you go to?

The school for people with no brain or something?

Don't you know that everything has electrons?

Ze chocolate and ze surface of the trays are sharing ze electrons.

And zis is causing them to stick together.

It's a bit like, um,

two English idiots holding on to ze same rolling pin.

As long as they're holding ze rolling pin, they cannot move.

But, if they let go of ze rolling pin,

they can move around.

Because they're no longer stuck together.

So, should we find a surface that chocolate

won't share its electrons with?

Do you want an award for being a total fool?

Just find a surface that won't share its electrons with ze chocolate.

It's not difficult.

Cooks are always using non-stick surfaces in their cooking.

Oui? It's not difficult!

-Like what?

-I have not got any more time to waste with you.

I'm preparing a soup for ze French ambassador,

using the finest meats in all of Europe.

Starting with, um,

ze turkey.

Come here, turkey chef. Prepare to be plucked!

Sorry to interrupt. Guys, I've just found out that certain substances

share their electrons, right?

So, if we want to make sure that our chocolate doesn't stick,

we need to find a surface that won't share its electrons with it.

What we need is some kind of Chocolate Sticking Testing Machine.

Oh, yeah, there was a delivery for you while you were on the phone.

Oh. A Chocolate Sticking Testing Machine.

-Who sent that?

-Da's brob Tirry!

-From Terry?

-From Terry?

-Who's he?

-Don't ask.

Well, let's get testing!

So, we need to find out which surfaces the chocolate sticks to and

which are non-stick.

Got this, a high-tech gun, here.

Let's have a look at the instructions. Step one.

Fill the firing arm with warm chocolate but remember to check it's

not too hot. No, not stick my finger in it to check the temperature.

I might burn my finger. These are my TV hands.

I think a thermometer's probably more sensible, don't you?

That's not going to burn anyone. Excellent.

Step two.

Shoot chocolate at the target.

That's going to be you, then, because it requires a lot of

running around and you're younger than me. Step three.

Leave chocolate on the targets to set for a while. Two hours?

Waiting around. These are the surfaces.

-What's that?

-Cardboard.

They make food packaging out of that, don't they?

That could work. That looks like felt.

I don't think that'll be very good, but you never know.

-That is... what's that?

-It's plastic.

Oh, it's plastic. Yes. My lunchbox is made out of that.

That could be good.

And this looks like... Yeah, it's greaseproof paper. My dad

wraps his sandwiches in that. OK. Which one do you want to start with?

-The felt.

-Felt.

Let's go.

Here we go. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Here we go.

Sorry, I got you in the eye.

That's enough of that one.

OK.

Just let the felt dry.

-So, which one do you want to move on to?

-Greaseproof paper.

I love my job.

Right, here we go.

Go left. Left, left. No, sorry right, right.

No, sorry. Just stay... Oh, dear.

Good. That's the greaseproof paper done.

What should we move on to?

-Cardboard.

-To the right.

I think we should take this down the Tate Gallery.

We would make a fortune.

Chocolatey, really, do you think?

It's quite nice. Just the plastic left, Chloe.

-Last one.

-Last one?

-Yes.

-Yes, it's the last one. There we go. All finished.

-All done.

-You're just saying that.

No, it is, honestly. Look, look!

I've got this hat for you.

There you go. What have I done? I haven't done anything to you.

What are you doing?

I think it's set now.

OK, let's find out which is the best non-stick material.

So this was the felt.

Oh, dear.

-It's stuck good and proper, that, isn't it?

-Yep.

Right, that's no good.

Plastic.

Well, it's all right, isn't it?

It's pretty good.

It's a bit hard.

It takes a bit of peeling.

It's a maybe with the plastic.

Cardboard.

Oh, no. No. That's no good at all.

Do you fancy

a bit of chocolate? I was worried you might not have enough on you.

This is the last one, then.

Greaseproof paper.

Oh, wow, look at that.

It's nearly all come off.

So, what do you think we should use, then?

-Greaseproof paper.

-Yeah.

OK. Let's line our trays for the conveyor belt with

greaseproof paper. Brilliant.

No, no, no!

Oucho, I told you there's no such thing as monsters.

THEY SCREAM

# This week, we chose Chloe's cool Choccy-oke

# One look at the design and we both said, okey-dokey

# It looked pretty tricky, we had to find a way

# If only to keep cactus eating monsters at bay

# Power was required to run the conveyor belt

# Danielle filled us in, she made Oucho's heart melt

# I knocked up a version

# But like a proper mug, I forgot it should be portable

# I'd included a plug

# Batteries

# That is what we need, man, we had a quick look at a lemon one

# Made by Paul the Treeman

# Batteries

# Electrons moving about

# Sticking batteries in the Choccy-oke was clearly a pretty good shout

# With batteries installed, we finally had power

# Though waiting for the chocolate to set, it takes several hours

# But once it had gone hard, it was stuck to the conveyor

# We needed something non-stick or we hadn't got a prayer

# In the absence of polytetrafluoroethylene

# Oucho had got hold of the non-stick testing machine

# We sprayed warm chocolate and then

# Let it set on surfaces to see if they would share their electrons

# Non-stick

# What surface would be best?

# Cardboard, plastic, and felt, well, they all failed the test

# Non-stick

# So, for our conveyor, turns out if we don't want stuff to stick

# We best used greaseproof paper. #

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Well, we've come a long way with this Choccy-oke, haven't we?

We've learnt all about batteries, non-stick surfaces.

Ah. Non-stick surfaces.

Oucho nearly got eaten by monsters, as well. All right, we'll hurry.

-Should we show everyone at home?

-Yep.

Chloe asked us for a Choccy-oke, that made

chocolate-covered marshmallows and had a built-in karaoke machine.

And here it is!

Not really. You see, you thought that would be it, didn't you?

-Ed. It's not funny.

-Oh, come on, it is.

That joke is a gift that keeps on giving. Come on. All right.

Here it is!

OK, so we're all ready to go? We've got the melted chocolate,

-and the chocolate fountain to dip the marshmallows in?

-Yep.

Got the trays lined with greaseproof paper?

So they can dry on the conveyor belt.

And then you are going to sell them to your friends up there.

And sing karaoke at the same time. Microphone working?

Yes. Hello!

Lovely. Let's go.

# Cos you're hot and you're cold, you're yes then you're no

# You're in then you're out, you're up and you're down

# You're wrong when it's right, it's black and it's white

# We fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up. Altogether now!

# You're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no

# You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down

# You're wrong when it's right, it's black and it's right

# We fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up... #

I think our work here is done, Oucho. It's the monster!

Hubba blubba waaaaa!

Oh, yes, if I give him Choccy-okes he'll go away.

# You're in and you're out, you're up and you're down

# You're wrong when it's right, it's black and it's white

# We fight, we break up, we kiss, we make up... #

Yeah, boss. It went really well. Listen to this.

Everyone is eating Choccy-okes like there's no tomorrow.

What's that? Jumping up and down and eating marshmallows at the same time

can make children sick? Oh, dear.

From now on, when you say that something exists,

I'm going to believe you, mate.

Not like fairies, they don't exist.

Not dragons, don't be stupid.

No, the Daleks are in Doctor Who, aren't they? The Chuckle Brothers?

Don't be stupid. They don't exist.

No-one that old would be on kids' TV. Think about it.

They're animated or something.