Spy Buggy Ed and Oucho's Excellent Inventions

# We've got a television show of our own

# Making stuff that's been designed by you lot at home

# Building your inventions the best that we can

# Mostly out of rubbish from the back of our van

# We've even got a title that'll grab your attention

# All together now! #

BAGPIPES DRONE

This is dreadful!

We've got inventions to be choosing, work to do.

Stop this! Please stop this!

-PHONE RINGING

-Stop it!

-OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-What?

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

The phone, yes, all right!

Hang on, I'm always answering the phone.

Why don't you do it for a change?

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

I don't care if it's bagpipe practice...

Hark! That sounds like a pigeon princess being held prisoner.

I am coming, my pretty.

Nelson, away!

..that doesn't add up.

-No, answer the phone!

-No.

-Answer it!

-OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-What do you mean it's gone?

Right, what have you done with it?

Have you tried eating it again?

I've told you before!

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-Oh.

-Oi! Give me my phone back, you lousy pigeon!

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

I'm not climbing the tree, it's high.

Those two down there will never take you away from me.

What if the Big Big Cheese tries to phone? We'll get in trouble! Oi!

We need to find an invention that can help get it back,

something to do with height.

I think I saw something that might be able to help.

Oh?

Yes! Yes, this.

It's called the Spy Buggy.

It's from Joshua in Willesden and it throws things

in the air so maybe we can knock it out of the tree.

Right, let's go. To Willesden!

This is it. Great.

This is going to be brilliant. It's my favourite bit, the surprise.

Joshua's in his house over there...

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Oh, it's this way? Oh, right.

Oh, it's this way.

Oh, it IS this way. So, it's definitely THAT house?

It's left.

It's definitely left?

Right. So, it's that way, then?

This way. Let me just have a look at that.

Oh! Oh, no. No, no.

I see what's wrong here. Yeah. Yeah. This is a map of Paris! Not London!

Let's just ask directions.

Oh. Excuse me, mate. We're trying to find the house

-of someone called Joshua.

-I am Josh.

-Surprise!

-Oh, dear.

It's not a surprise, is it?

-He knows now.

-Come this way,

-Right.

Let's follow him, then.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

No, it's not nice here in Paris, because we're not in Paris.

I thought we'd established that.

Excuse me, we're supposed to be talking about the Spy Buggy here!

Oh! Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

-You've seen the show before?

-Yeah.

Well, you know what to do.

I would like to invent the Spy Buggy -

a car which sends secret messages and has a water gun on it,

so I can organise a secret spy party after school.

I want to send messages to friends to tell them where the party is.

And I want to drive my Spy Buggy to the party and then spray at anybody

that gets too close.

A Spy Buggy. Right. Now, what's all this about messages?

I'd like to send messages to my friends

in the library and the computer room.

-And you want to launch those through the window?

-Yes.

OK, right. And could it launch other things,

-to knock stuff out of trees, maybe?

-Yeah.

Excellent.

# Ed And Oucho's Excellent Inventions. #

We need to start building this Spy Buggy,

I don't know where to start.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

What?

I am not passing you that banana.

It's not time to eat, we need inspiration.

How are we going to build this so it can fire messages

into Joshua's school window...Oucho?

Oucho!

Hey, man. I DO declare

that is a classic example of gravity in action.

-No, it's a banana.

-No, man, it's gravity.

Gravity is all around us.

It's an invisible force which causes objects to pull towards one another.

Oh. Interesting, but no use to us.

Hey, calm down, man. Relax.

It is of help, because you were talking about projectiles.

Er, no, we were talking about things flying through the air.

Yes, man. These are called projectiles

and gravity has a large part to play in that.

Oh, does it? Boring!

Listen and learn.

Say you were to throw something up in the air.

It would go up, and as long as nothing got in its way,

it would fall back down to earth.

Due to gravity?

Yeah, man. But you have to make sure you throw it

with the right amount of force. The harder you throw it,

the longer it takes gravity to pull it back to the ground.

Right. When we build the Spy Buggy, we have to apply a force

to our object to get it in the air.

But we have to remember that gravity will bring it back down to earth.

What are you talking about, man?

You were telling me about gravity, Benson. Remember?

Ha-ha! No, man, I don't remember.

And by the way, who are you?

ED SIGHS

-Maybe we should just have him with chips.

-Di.

-Oh, this is going to be the easiest invention ever, mate.

-Di.

We'll have this done in no time.

Joshua can have his secret party,

we'll get our mobile and the Big Big Cheese will be none the wiser.

We've got to think of something that will give us enough force

to push something into the sky.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Newspaper?

A hamster?

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Yeah, the Clumsy Twins are trying to cross the Grand Canyon

in a circus cannon. How is that relevant to us?

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Oh, that's a great idea!

We could ask to borrow their cannon!

That'll give us enough force for Joshua's messages

and then we can get our phone back off that pesky pigeon.

# Ed And Oucho's Excellent Inventions. #

JOSHUA!

-Hi, Ed. Hi, Oucho.

-Hi, Joshua.

Have we got a treat for you. We've pushed the boat out here.

-Do you want to see your Spy Buggy?

-Yes.

Here is your Spy Buggy!

# Da-da da-da da da-dah! #

-Spy Buggy!

-Is that it?

-Yeah, that's it.

-It's not even red and black.

What, it's not red and black?

-What's this? Red. Black.

-Why does it say twins on it?

What? It doesn't say twins on it.

You need to see it being tested.

This could be dangerous, stand back. This could be dangerous.

Oucho was saying he'd like to jump the Grand Canyon

and he's volunteered to test your Spy Buggy.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

(No, you didn't, but I can't find anything else to fit in the hole.)

(There's cake and bananas in it for you if you do it.)

-Oh! Losserly.

-Yeah, I thought that would persuade you.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the amazing flying Oucho!

Oucho, are you ready?

Di!

Fire!

Aargh!

What? Huh?

Well, that didn't exactly go as planned.

No, not really.

It was far too powerful.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Yeah, we'll measure the distance that the Spy Buggy

is hidden from the window.

So, if we... Wait a minute.

-What?

-When did you get back?

Why have you got that tennis stuff?

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

You've been to Wimbledon?

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

The cannon did NOT fire you into centre court at Wimbledon.

This is all sounding a little far-fetched to me.

'Yes, it's me, Jonny Sinus, reporting to you live...'

Not him. Who let him back on the telly?

'..from the Wimbledon championships.

'Earlier on today, a cactus... Yes, you heard me right, a cactus!

'made an unusual entry into Wimbledon through the roof...!'

What?!

'...Unbelievable!

Mmm-hmm.

Sorry I doubted you there, mate.

-Wimbledon's miles away, isn't it?

-Di.

That circus cannon IS too strong.

Right, come on. Let's have a think.

Oh, I know! Jonny Sinus - he knows a lot about hitting things.

Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah.

We should talk to Jonny Sinus. Erm, where's the phone?

Oh, in the bath.

Oh, no...

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Yes, I know, I know.

Oh, what's that over there?

Very convenient.

ED PANTS

Oh, what's his number?

I'll have to use my BBC presenting skills.

PHONE RINGS

Hello, BBC switchboard?

It's Ed Petrie from CBBC -

the genius, handsome and talented presenter?

What do you mean, who?

Just put me through to Jonny Sinus, would you?

Hello? Jonny Sinus.

You'll have to be quick, I'm busy at the moment.

-It's Ed. Ed Petrie.

-Oh!

From the children's department! What is it?

I need your help. We're trying to fire messages through a window.

We tried a circus cannon, but it was too powerful. Can you help us?

Right, Mr Petrie. Right, right.

I used to be Britain's best tennis player, you know?

So I know a bit about launching things with force.

I got every serve into the back of the net.

-Travelled the world, you know.

-Right.

You need to know about trajectories and speed.

Trajectories...

Imagine throwing a tennis ball through the air.

The path it takes is called the trajectory.

The trajectory of any object will always be curved,

as gravity is pulling it down to earth.

Oh, right.

But what if something's going too far?

You need to give it less force.

The more force you give your projectile,

the faster it will go.

The faster something goes,

the more distance it will travel

before it falls to the ground.

-Projectiles, we've heard of them.

-If you don't want your projectile

or message to go very far, give it less force.

The circus cannon wasn't right. You need something like my MASSIVE arm.

Nothing beats the precision and grace of my massive arm.

Right, but you're in Wimbledon and we need to build this Spy Buggy now.

Oh. Oh, right, Mr Petrie.

Oh, well, in that case, you need a force-testing machine

to test how much force you need to send your messages, Mr Petrie.

Oh, right. Have you got one?

Eh, no. But I have got my MASSIVE arm, Mr Petrie. It's really big!

Eh, yeah, right, thanks. Bye.

Right, guys, Jonny Sinus has offered us the use of

his massive arm for your Spy Buggy.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

No, it's not brilliant,

because although it is a VERY kind offer,

it's not exactly practical, is it?

So, what we need is a force-testing machine

to measure the force needed to deliver Joshua's messages.

But first we need to measure the distance to the school window.

Yes. Joshua'll be able to deliver his messages

and we'll knock that phone out of that tree and away from that pigeon.

We need to go to your school and do some measuring.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

You're going to sort out the force-testing machine?

So let me get this straight.

I'm going to leave ordering important machinery to a pot plant?

Sounds good to me.

Yeah, you're right. Let's go!

OK, Joshua, Oucho's sorted us out with a tennis-ball launcher.

Where did you get this from?

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Oh, from Wimbledon.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Oh, from Sue Barker?

Oh, she's nice, isn't she?

Oh, she IS nice.

She is nice! She's a nice lady. Nice. So.

We've measured how far you're going to be

from your friends in the school.

So, X marks the spots where your friends are

and we are going to pretend to be the Spy Buggy.

Now, this force-testing machine will apply force to a projectile

in there, so we can work out how much force we need.

Unfortunately, we haven't anything to put your messages in.

I've searched high and low.

So, for the time being, we're going to use THESE...bags of jam.

I'm sure we'll find something else,

making sure it's the same weight. So catch these in that bowl!

There's a few holes in it, but it'll be fine.

-OK, let's try ten units of force?

-Di.

Oh, it went too far!

Right, ten's way too much.

So, let's try one. One unit of force.

I don't think that's enough. What do you reckon? Five?

Five. Let's go for five.

Fire! Pretty good. Pretty good.

Right, now we know the amount of force we need

to deliver your messages. Let's build this thing!

It's a good job there's a scrap yard down the road.

-These engine parts are the right colour.

-Yeah.

-You wanted it to be black and red, didn't you?

-Yeah.

We've got that set at the right force.

This is all coming together, my friend.

But there's just one thing.

-Yeah?

-You see the water pistol?

Where is it? I need it to spray everybody who comes near.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know about that. So, I was thinking

we could use this. I use it to annoy Oucho.

Have a look at this.

OUCHO SQUEALS

It's the gift that keeps on giving!

Have you found anything to put the messages in yet?

Yes, I've very nearly got that sorted.

Yes, I have. It is pretty much done.

It's all locked down. All right, cheers, mate. Thanks.

Argh!

Messages, messages...

Ooh, cake!

Buckaw! Buckaw!

-Joshua! Joshua, look what I found. Tennis balls.

-OK.

We could cut these open and put your messages inside.

Need to paint them red and black.

Red and black tennis balls it is.

What are these messages going to say?

They're going to say when and where the party will be.

Oh, great. Well, we're always up for a party, aren't we?

Right, let's get this loaded up and then we can test it.

So just make sure that goes all the way down.

Joshua, launch the ball!

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

What? No! We knew how much force we needed.

That should have gone further. You don't love me, I'm not Dolly Parton.

-OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-I haven't got a cowboy hat on.

Right, we have to give this a serious rethink.

This calls for tea and cake, and lots of it.

-Back to the van!

-Back to the van!

Back to the van! Back to the van!

Back to the van!

No, that isn't better.

We've still got no idea what's wrong. We must be missing something.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

I'm not asking Dr Destruction.

He's not the loveliest scientist in world.

-He's evil, and I'm not ringing him.

-Oh, go on, Ed, he IS a scientist.

An evil scientist!

He'll take your Spy Buggy and turn it into a weapon of destruction.

-OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-Oh, go on.

-He's not lovely!

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

The Big Big Cheese does not think he's lovely.

Oh, the Big Big Cheese.

We have to get that phone back in case he's trying to ring us.

All right, for the sake of getting the sack,

I'll ring an evil scientist.

I bet Richard Hammond doesn't have these problems.

PHONE RINGS

Is that Dr Destruction?

Destruction residence, evil do-monger and genius

scientist Dr Destruction speaking, master of all that can be destroyed!

-EVIL CACKLE

-Why does he have to laugh so loudly?

It's Ed Petrie here. I need some help.

Need help, do you? Help doing what, causing right, chaos and plague?

No. No. Look, we're building a Spy Buggy, and we need to

launch messages through a window.

The Spy Buggy of doom and destruction?

CACKLES

No, no, it's just a Spy Buggy.

-Stop laughing like that and listen.

-Sorry.

CACKLES

-Oops. Sorry.

-Look, look, the messages keep going different

distances, even though we're using the same force each time.

Ah, sounds like you need knowledge of the angle

-of trajectory.

-Yes. Yes, perhaps we do, but

I don't have a clue what that is.

The distance your message travels is not only affected by its speed

but also the angle you launch it at.

Imagine you had two deadly laser beams of doom

and fired them from the same spot but you rotated one away from the other.

The space between them is called the angle.

This angle is measured in degrees.

But what does that mean for the Spy Buggy?

Well, when throwing things, you always have gravity to contend with,

which is always pulling everything to the ground.

If you launch your messages at a high angle, although they will go up high,

they will not go forward very fast.

That means they will not go very far before they are pulled to the ground.

But if you fire your messages at a low angle,

they will not go very far either.

Because although they are going forwards faster, they do not go

very high, so they will hit the ground very quickly, and that is

no use when one is planning destruction!

CACKLES

I said, stop laughing!

Oh. Sorry.

You have to find an angle which will allow your messages to go fast enough

forwards and high enough to hit their target and destroy the world!

Right, but how do we know what the angle is?

Ah! Well, that's easy. You need an inclinometer.

-A pink long metre?

-Inclinometer.

-An ink thermometer?

-An inclinometer of evil, doom, destruction and chaos!

Oh, an inclinometer, got you. What's that?

-It's an angle-testing machine.

-Ah, hang on, hang on.

We've had one testing machine in this programme.

We only do one test each show.

If you want to make this Spy Buggy of doom and destruction and take over

the world, you need to know the right force and angle,

so you need another testing machine, an angle-testing machine.

Right. OK, then.

I don't suppose you've got an inclinometer, have you?

Yes, I have the angle-testing machine and the inclinometer

of death and destruction!

Right. Right.

-Can I borrow it?

-If it will help you build a Spy Buggy

of doom and destruction, then it will be my pleasure to lend it to you!

CACKLES

Great. Great.

Erm, thank you!

OK, Josh, here we are again.

Now, Dr Destruction has lent me this inclinometer

and angle-testing machine to find

the right angle to deliver your messages.

These fake windows are the same distance and height

as the windows at your school.

-Yes.

-Now, unfortunately,

I haven't painted those message balls.

I've been so absent-minded! So instead, I'm firing this.

They're balloons of custard.

-So, are you ready?

-Yep.

Right, let's find the angle we need.

Fire!

Whoa!

I tried to get that in the computer room window, but it was too low.

Let's crank this up a bit.

At a slightly higher angle this time.

Fire!

Yes! It went through! Yes!

It's 49.7 degrees, that one. Let's move on to the library window now.

Here we go!

Oh, nearly. That was too low. Let's try a higher angle.

Are you ready?

-Yep.

-Fire!

Yes! Library window! It went through! Yes!

54.7 degrees, it is.

-We've got all the angles we need. You know what we can do now?

-Yeah.

BOTH: GET BUILDING!

# This week's inventor was Josh from Willesden

# With a car which launches messages and has a water gun

# We needed it to help get our phone back, you see, cos Nelson

# Had nicked it and was sat in a tree

# Benson had some information that was worthwhile about

# Applying enough force when throwing a projectile

# Gravity will always bring it back down, of course, that's how gravity

# Rolls, it's the invisible force

# I said how about the Clumsy Twins' cannon, for instance?

# Tested it, and Oucho set off into the distance.

# Ours is fairly monstrous This was a minus

# He travelled too far, so I called Johnny Sinus

# Trajectory, the path an object takes through the air is curved

# Trajectory

# We got a tennis-ball firing machine and observed

# Measure the distance so we knew how far

# Worked out the force by gunging Joshua

# It didn't work, what were we forgetting?

# The balls were different distances, despite the same settings

# Dr D had some advice that's hard to digest

# Break with tradition, try another test

# The distance something travels is not just down to speed

# The angle of trajectory is what you need

CLAPPING

# Trajectory, the inclinometer really cut the mustard

# Trajectory, so we fired balloons that were filled with custard

# Excellent inventions. #

Well, Joshua, here we are at your school

with your completed Spy Buggy.

To be honest, I'm quite surprised.

What?! What do you mean? We haven't let anyone down yet.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Apart from that one time.

But they'll never show that on TV.

Right, Joshua asked us to make him a Spy Buggy so that he could drive

to school and deliver secret messages to his friends.

-Shall we show everyone at home?

-Yep.

-Here it is!

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

No, that's not it. No, you know that's not it, you helped build it.

No, no, no, here it is!

Pretty cool. Now, Joshua, quick checklist.

Have you got the messages loaded up in those message balls?

-Check.

-Wonder if he's ever heard of emails.

Do you know the angle to set the message launcher to deliver

the messages to your friends in the library and the computer room?

-Check.

-And do you know the distance?

-Check.

-That's everything checked.

-Right, we've got a party to organise.

-Check!

-Yes, check that.

-Check.

Yes, everything's checked.

Get those balls airborne. Go!

"Top secret: secret spy party message.

-"Please attend. Time..."

-"..after the school bell rings, OK?

-"By the big tyre."

-"Once read,

"destroy all evidence of this message."

How did it go, Joshua?

-Great.

-Did you deliver them all?

-Yep.

What time are your friends getting here?

They should get here when the school bell rings.

BELL RINGS

Delicious!

-Hey, guys, how's it going?

-Di!

-Great.

-Joshua, we were just wondering, could we borrow

-your invention for an hour or two?

-Yeah.

-Losserly.

-We can get our phone back.

-Di!

-Hey, you!

-Oh, I think there is a bit you haven't tested out yet.

Quick, quick, guys, guys, over here.

-Over here.

-Who said you could have a party here?

Aargh!

THEY LAUGH

-Right, we better get the Spy Buggy and get out of here.

-Di!

PHONE CHATTER

What? What's that? What?

What's happened to your sweet, sweet coos of love?

Hey, go on, get out of here.

Oh, the phone!

Unbelievable! It fell down out of the tree after all that.

What a relief. Hello?

Oh, hello, boss.

Yeah, I know we haven't been answering the phone.

Yeah, we've had a few problems, but we did build a cracking invention.

Yeah, well, I'll tell you about it later. Got to go.

In a bit of a hurry. OK, love you!

I mean...bye.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

-Yeah, I suppose I did handle her quite well there, yeah.

-Di.

Well, I think women respect this voice.

It's the voice of authority, of dignity, the voice of a true...

British gentleman.

PIGEON COOS

Yeah?

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Yeah, let's go, yeah.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

I know I smell of pigeon poo.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

No, I don't think women like that, either.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Yeah, I feel like a bit of a fool.

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN

Yes, I know I've got pigeon poo on me!

I think we've established that!

OUCHO SPEAKS CACTINIAN