Cage Match Endangered Species

# Let's go on an adventure

# That isn't very wise

# I love you guys. #

MERL SCREAMS

PICKLE SCREAMS

MERL SCREAMS

# This is getting crazier

# Feels like we're endangered

# Species. #

MERL SIGHS

MERL SCREAMS

Oh! Silly me. I forgot I was keeping these guys in your nut puffaroos.

MERL SCREAMS

No more I can take.

More! Oh, well, seems kind of greedy but OK.

Here's more.

Silly me, I forgot I was keeping these guys in your nut puffaroos.

Looks like you need a top up.

Silly me. I forgot I was keeping these guys in your nut puffaroos.

Hey, what's going on? What's with all the screaming?

And repeating of dialogue.

Who woke me up?

How dare you bring the creepy crawlers inside of the stump?

I command you to get rid of them immedia-mente.

But they're my friends.

The only way the friends of you can stay in the stump is in a cage.

A cage? Did you say cage?

Yes, I did. I said cage.

Just checking.

-PICKLE SCREAMS

-Nooo!

Oh, rabbits, always screaming in terror and fainting.

Pickle, are you OK?

Yeah. Yeah, it's just I don't really like cages very much.

Well, I, on the other paw, love the cages.

There is something about the safety and security that I really like.

-So we shall get as many cages...

-I said no cages!

OK. So the cages. You hate them.

But what about my terrible fear of the bugs and the creepy crawlies?

See? I have the sad eyes.

The flashback. She begins now.

CHEERFUL MUSIC

MERL SCREAMS

That didn't happen.

Now, since I hate the bugs so mucho mucho,

I insist they be caged.

Cages. Never again.

-Why do you hate cages so much, Pickle?

-Um...

just, the cages stop you from having fun and playing around.

They keep you locked up.

Pickle don't like anything taking away her freedom.

Oh, you just need to relax.

Here, let me give you a nice, calming shoulder massage.

MERL SCREAMS

-I can feel the tension.

-Gull, I...

-Ssh. Hush now, no words.

Feel the stress leave your shoulders.

Listen to the calming sounds of the whale song.

HIGH-PITCHED WAILING

Ahh, so beautiful. So mysterious. I wonder what it means.

Get these things off of me!

Guess we'll never know.

Merl, I'm sorry for bringing my pals into the stump but I can't help it.

They're just so cute.

-THUDDING SOUND

-So that's where you went, Leggy.

I thought you were never going to come out of Merl's underwear drawer.

How can I feel safe if the bugs, they are crawling around everywhere?

OK. I guess a few small cages wouldn't be too bad.

Cages! Cages!

Too many cages.

-Well, Pickle, isn't it glorious?

-Too many cages.

-Ah-ah.

What is this you have here, muchacho?

Nothing, Merl.

I swear it's just a little itty-bitty wormy is all.

El serpiente me voy bastante!

It won't budge.

The oxygen, she is not so much.

Freedom!

THUDDING SOUND

Uno momento, por favour.

-It's really nothing this time, Merl. It's just a teeny-weeny buggy.

-Hmm.

See, it's just a wriggly stick with legs and burny saliva.

Oww! It burns! It burns!

HE SPEAKS SPANISH

It burns!

But Merl, it's just a... a football.

Merl, go on!

As in all things, the cage, she solves every problem.

No! No! The cage, she has let me down.

Cages, everything must go into cages.

TENSE MUSIC

Argh.

Cages.

# Oh, I'm so happy and free

# A free, free bunny who just loves her freedom, yeah. #

Oh, something bad's going to happen.

-Shh, Gull.

-Sorry.

PICKLE SCREAMS

You've never been locked down. Don't worry, first-timer.

You'll be fine once you get used to all the endless hours

of stale prison cliches.

I'm a wise old-timer doing some whittling while I play my harmonica.

Freedom!

Finally. All the pets, they are now stored away.

Pickle. You are smiling, yes. This means you feel better?

PICKLE SCREAMS

Well, do you feel better or not?

Freedom! Free... Oh, wait.

Freedom!

Free, I say. Free. Freedom.

This, she cannot get worse.

Oh, that's an electric eel.

Merl, meet Snippy McPoison-Claw.

I just know you guys will be pals.

MERL WHIMPERS

I did it. I did it!

Guys, kind of ruining the moment.

MERL SCREAMS

This is more like it.

-This is a nightmare.

-No, this is a nightmare.

Nightmare the boa constrictor. The name is just a coincidence.

Enough, this!

No. What are you doing?

I feel mucho safer in here than I do out there.

-Get out of that horrible cage.

-No.

If Merl cannot be safe inside the stump, outside the cage,

then Mel will live safe inside the cage outside the stump.

Inside the stump. Obviously I wouldn't live outside the stump.

-Who is living where, now?

-Merl in the cage.

-Oh, cool.

-Not cool.

Living in a cage is not the answer, Merl. Everyone needs their freedom.

You've got to be free, Merl.

Huh! You are free to be free but I, Merl, choose the cage.

All these creepy crawlies and the Pickle freedoms,

it is too dangerous-o.

Something bad is going to happen. Mark my words.

You couldn't be more wrong, Merl.

Yeah, Merl, this itty-bitty little buggy friend couldn't hurt a fly.

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, I hate to be the Mr "I told you so", but I told you so.

How is the freedom working now, Pickle?

I guess you might be right. Freedom!

OK, sure.

And you, Gull, are you enjoying

having all your little buggy friends around?

My brain is tingly.

So, yes, then. And where is Merl?

Safe and sound and content-o.

Who will be crowned the world's greatest duster?

I have been waiting for the months to find out who wins.

-Hey!

-Marathon continues with our next episode,

creepy crawlies gone wild.

What? No. I do not want to watch the creepy crawly channel.

-We'll show...

-Oh, come on, Merl, relax.

-Go with the flow.

No! I want my freedom!