The Basement Endangered Species


The Basement

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# Let's go on an adventure!

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# That isn't very wise

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# I love you guys! #

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Waaah!

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Aaaah!

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# This is getting crazier

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# Feels like we're endangered...

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# Species. #

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HE SIGHS

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# La-di-da-di-doodly-doo... #

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Butt puppets!

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See the bunny?

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And, and, the duck?

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Look, the dog is barking.

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Woof! Woof! Woof, woof, woof.

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Whoa! Those are the best butt puppets ever, Gull!

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I especially like that angry squirrel!

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Huh? But my flashlight just ran out of battery.

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Ugh! The shadow puppets of the butt.

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This, it is disgusting.

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Don't worry, Gull. There's lots of working flashlights in the basement

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but it's dark down there. You'll need a flashlight.

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No problem.

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# La-di-da-di-doodly-da... #

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Look what I find in the bed of Gull. When will he learn?

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The bucket of the old cheese. She is not a cuddly bed toy.

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-SCREAMING ON TV

-Where is the Gull?

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Oh, he went down into the basement a while ago and he never came up.

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Whaaaat? But it is dark down there. He could get hurt, yes? Or lost!

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Gull! I am coming to do the saving of...

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-HE SQUEAKS:

-You.

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HE WHIMPERS

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-Did you find Gull?

-No.

-Don't tell me you're scared of the basement!

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Nothing down here but a bunch of...darkness...

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-EERIE CALLS AND ECHOES

-and scary sounds.

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Aaaah!

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CRASHING, THEY SHOUT

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Pickle? What is this you do?

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Oh...I thought it would be nice to have some company down here.

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In the dark, with the monsters.

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GROWLING, THEY SCREAM

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-The stairs, where did she go?

-Don't know.

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-But there's a light over there! Follow me!

-No, it is not safe!

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Nothing is safe! Do you understand, Pickle? Yes?

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I shake you now to make you understand!

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Uh... That's not me you're shaking.

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GROWLING, MERL SCREAMS

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Hurry, Merl, before the darkness gets you!

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-GROWLING

-Aah!

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Aw, Pickle and Merl, you guys are the best.

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Well, yes, Gull, this is true but...

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Eh?

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Oh, hey, Merl and Pickle.

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I was just thanking Pickle and Merl here for saving me.

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They taught me that you can survive any lonely island

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in the middle of nowhere if you have two things - good friends

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and a few gallons of feather-sweat.

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Want some? It's fresh-squeezed.

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-MERL GAGS

-No, thanks. I'm good.

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What? But Pickle and Merl love it.

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You're welcome. And you're welcome too.

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-THEY SCREAM

-Urgh.

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Gull, this Merl, he is not me. He does not even look like me.

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See, the eyes?

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-Nothing alike.

-Aw, I think they're cute.

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Pleased to meet you, Pickle and Merl.

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-Thanks for keeping Gull company.

-Oh, they said, "You're welcome."

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-And I say the three of us must get off this island, yes? Now!

-Really?

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But, Pickle and Merl, what will you do when I leave with Merl and Pickle?

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Don't worry, Gull. The FIVE of us can find our way out of here.

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Those stairs have got to be around here somewhere.

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GROWLING

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THEY GASP, MERL SCREAMS

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Maybe we could just wait to be rescued.

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"For he who is doing the finding of the message in the bottle of me,

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"please do the rescue of me. Yes? OK."

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BOTTLE SMASHES, YELPING

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-Hey, Merl, look at this debris I found washed up onshore!

-All this?

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-It comes from the snarling sea of darkness?

-Pretty much.

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Wait! I remember the box of this.

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It is where I put the summer pool toys including...

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the inflatable life raft!

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Yes! This raft will save us!

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This, it is the best use for the life raft?

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How else are the rescuers going to spot us from the air? Duh!

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Hey, Merl and Pickle, Pickle and Merl say that you have misspelt SOS.

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Ha, it does not matter the SOS, how she is spelt.

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WAVES LAP, HE GASPS

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Another storage box washes ashore! And inside it?

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The flare gun of the safety. Yes!

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Uggghh.

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Aaah!

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HE GROANS

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-Now this - she's a raft.

-Nice work, Merl.

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We'll travel so fast through the darkness

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that these basement monsters won't have any time to grab us!

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Ha! In your face, basement monsters!

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THEY GROWL

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Gull, what is this you do?

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Well, we can't leave without Pickle and Merl, Merl and Pickle.

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-Aah!

-Don't worry, Merl and Pickle,

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Pickle and Merl will send help as soon as they reach the stairs.

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HE SOBS

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Don't cry for me, Merl.

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I'll be fine without my two best friends to keep me company.

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That's cos I have you guys, my two best imaginary friends.

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Eh?

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Now you don't have to say nothing.

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I'll just make you two talk with the funny voices in my head.

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"Great idea, Gull."

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"Yes, it is, how you say? Not crazy at all."

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"I agree." "I agree as well."

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The bulb, she is all that stands between us

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and the deadly sea of darkness.

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But for how long will she last?

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The darkness, she closes in.

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No food, no water.

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The suffering, it has been many minutes.

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The madness, she begins to set in.

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Hey, Merl, I can talk with my mind too.

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Would you like some giblets? HE BURPS

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-HE BURPS

-Aaaaah!

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Oh, Merl, you're just imagining things.

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Ooh, hey, a bag of giblets!

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Hold that thought, Merl! We've got to maintain order on this island.

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Only those in possession of the conch shell are allowed to speak.

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-PFFFRT.

-This? It is not a conch shell. It is a farty cushion.

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-Silence!

-PFFFRT.

-I am the holder of the farty cushion

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and I say we must worship the almighty 60 watt spirit in the sky.

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You mean the bulb?

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-PFFFRT!

-Silence! The spirit is angry.

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Chu-wa-chaka-chaka, noodle-a-noodle-a-noodle,

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-bla-da-bla-bla...

-PFFFRT.

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-PFFFRT.

-The dancing, she does nothing.

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-PFFFRT.

-Respect the Mother Bulb.

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PFFFRT. Hey, I was just wondering,

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how long do you have to wait before eating your imaginary best friends?

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-PFFFRT.

-What?

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PFFFRT. Sorry, what I meant to say is, how long do you have to wait

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before SWIMMING...

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once you've eaten your imaginary best friends?

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-PFFFRT.

-Enough! This, I cannot take.

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-PFFFRT.

-Ay!

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Oh, no. Look what you did, Merl! You angered the Mother Bulb.

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Soon the darkness will consume us all!

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-We must appease the spirit with...

-A new light bulb?

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-No. A human sacrifice!

-MERL SIGHS WITH RELIEF

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And by human, I mean squirrel!

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-What?

-Yeah!

-Oh, no!

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You shall not do the sacrifice of THIS squirrel!

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He-he-he.

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DRUMBEATS

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DRUMBEAT STOPS

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Aaaah!

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The squirrel, he can be savage too, yes?

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THEY LAUGH MANICALLY

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THEY SCREAM

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-What is this?

-Looks like a flashlight.

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-Where'd you get that, Merl?

-Well...I...

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The bamboo, she holds up the shelter for Gull but I...

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She is not the bamboo!

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Oh, yeah... Now I remember!

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I came down here to find a flashlight

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but instead I found a whole bunch, so I built a little house with them

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and then Pickle and Merl came to rescue me,

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but I instead got stuck here with you guys.

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The stairs! This is where we need to go, yes?

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See? The basement, she is not so scary after all.

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-SHE GASPS

-But what's that?

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This? Oh, it is probably Gull doing the shadow puppets

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-of the butt-butt again.

-GULL LAUGHS

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Hey, how do I do those butt puppets anyway?

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IT GROWLS

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THEY SCREAM

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